Fake Fan Fiction ❯ Three Times A Charm ❯ Chapter 28

Title: Three Times A Charm

Author: JadeHeart

Archived: If anyone would like it, please ask me first!

Fandom: Fake

Rating: NC-17

Warnings: some bad language, sexual thoughts

Timeline: follows on directly from the end of Vol 7

Summary: Homecomings can hurt.

Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters in this, they belong to the creator of `FAKE', nor am I making any profits from it.

 

 

Chapter 28

 

 

Dee caught a movement out of the corner of his eye and turned his head to see Ryo put his case down on the floor and give him a smile. That fake smile once more. Seeing that look on his beloved's face, even here in his own apartment, a place where Dee had always believed he saw more of the real Ryo than anywhere, and anyone, else, made him feel ill and he had to turn his head quickly away. He didn't therefore see the flash of hurt that crossed the other man's face.

 

“HEY, DEEEEEEE!!”

 

A reverberating scream shattered the heavy silence and two figures came running out of the second bedroom, bearing down on him. One, with long blond hair, threw themselves in Dee's direction as his face mirrored shocked surprise, when Ryo's shout rang out, “Carol, no!”, and he suddenly threw himself in front of Dee, intercepting the girl mid-flight, surprising everyone concerned.

 

The two landed in a tangle of limbs on the floor, Carol sitting astride Ryo's middle. Dee could see the pained expression on his partner's face, obviously the wind having been completely knocked out of him. Or the girl's knees had struck a very sensitive portion of his anatomy. Carol was growing up and no lightweight child any longer, although she certainly wasn't fat by any means, just a normal female teenager who was filling out in all the right places accordingly. Dee hadn't realized that she had developed quite so much. Had that all happened just in the last few months he hadn't been around, or had he just been too self-absorbed to notice before?

 

Carol looked down at Ryo, concerned, pushing her hair out of her eyes with one hand. “I'm sorry, Ryo! Really I am!”

 

“Honestly!” Bikky said, walking up behind her with a frown on his face. He stood there and crossed his arms over his chest, gazing down at the two on the floor. “Weren't you the one just before who was saying we would have to be careful not to do anything to hurt Dee?” Now he scowled up at Dee, acknowledging him for the first time. “The big pussy, eh!”

 

Dee scowled at him, noticing that the boy too had seemed to have grown a little since last he had seen him, shooting up a couple of inches. No surprising really. Kids had a tendency to grow as they got older, but there was also a maturing in the boy's face that gave a hint of the man he would become.

 

Bikky ignored his look and just pointedly returned his stare to Carol, who stuck her tongue out at him as she clambered off Ryo with another apologetic smile. Ryo gulped in a huge breath of air to replace that which had been squeezed from his body and silently waved a hand to signal to the kids that all was well.

 

Dee's lips twitched at the sight of his partner spread-eagled over the floor. He remembered seeing Ryo in that position more than once, usually when he had pounced on the unsuspecting man in the early days of their courtship, if you could call it that. Whatever happened now or since then, Dee still looked upon those early days fondly. They had had good times then, even if they had also done things that had driven each other to brink of insanity. But through it all they had still been there for each other. That is all he wanted. To be there for Ryo, and to have Ryo by his side, at least in some way, for the rest of his life. Even if it just meant at work. That is all that he could hope for now.

 

He extended a hand to offer him some support up, expecting it to be taken automatically, but Ryo simply looked at it then ignored it, turning away and sitting up on his own without assistance.

 

Dee's smile slipped away, the sullen expression returning, tinged with intense sadness. He turned away to hide that look from Ryo and the kids. It would seem that things really hadn't changed after all. Or, more to the point, they had - as in they had gotten worse.

 

He had thought that Ryo was used to him touching him and had even come to not mind it much. Now he couldn't even seem to stand his touch anymore, even in the way of a simple offer of assistance. If he couldn't accept that, there really wasn't much hope that he would want to even remain Dee's partner at work. Did he hate him that much now? Had Ryo decided that he didn't want to have to deal with Dee's constant pushiness and demands about their relationship at all?

 

Dee felt fear then, and a feeling of abandonment that was almost overwhelming. Ryo was obviously planning on making a break from him completely. Perhaps he had been a fool to take that secondment. Had it given Ryo too much time to think, to talk himself out of being with Dee even at work? Had he decided that Dee was too pushy at work, letting their personal life seep into the job and so clouding the issue? Ryo was pretty straight laced about many things and probably had very clear views about keeping private and work lives separate. He had probably decided that Dee couldn't be trusted to respect those boundaries, and he had to admit that he hadn't, trying to coax Ryo frequently within the workplace. Sometimes he did it knowing that he didn't have to worry because Ryo would call a stop to it and never let it go too far.

 

It was unfair of him to have done that, to put that kind of pressure on Ryo and not making any effort to restrain himself because he knew that Ryo would do it for him. That was very unfair of him. But he hadn't thought that Ryo would take these steps to try and stop his behaviour, that he would actually decide that Dee wasn't worth it all, not even as a work partner. That he would one day walk away from him completely had never entered Dee's mind, not from the very beginning. Now….now it was all different.

 

He didn't want it to be like this! He didn't want Ryo to leave him completely, to never be able to see him again. He would promise Ryo to never breathe a single word about what had gone on between them. He wouldn't make any suggestive remarks or sexual jokes, not even with the boys. He would promise to never touch Ryo in an inappropriate manner again, or even make it look like he was going to. He could do that, he could!

 

Just don't leave me, Ryo!, he cried within his heart.

 

For he still had to be honest and admit that having Ryo by his side during his convalescence had been the best feeling in the world. The knowledge that Ryo was there the whole time for him, the remembered touch on his hand and brow. The way Ryo had helped him, never giving up on him, pushing him to get better. Even if it was all done out of duty, or obligation, or guilt, it didn't matter. What had mattered was that Ryo was with him. He wanted that feeling so badly!

 

His reluctance to stay with Ryo was only due to knowing how much harder it would be for him to leave when he was finally well again and forced to return to his own lonely apartment.

 

That, and the fear that he might never see Ryo again. That fearful thought froze his blood to ice and chilled him through. It was as though the mere thought stole the lightness from his life and left him with nothing but despair and darkness. It was going to be very, very hard during the next few weeks.

 

************

 

As Ryo sat up, he saw that blank look settle over Dee's face as the other turned away abruptly. His own face fell as he looked at that straight back sadly. He guessed he was right; Dee had changed his mind about them.

 

Ryo felt his heart clench painfully. It looked like he had left it too late after all. He had lost his chance of being with the one person he loved so much. He had so hoped that when Dee was back here, back where really it had all started for them, and even now his face burnt hotly at the remembrance of that passionate night and following lazy day they had spent together when it seemed that finally their relationship was truly a relationship. He had so hoped that once Dee was back in such familiar surroundings that he would be more like his old self. Ryo had even been hoping that he would try pouncing on him like he used to. He would have been willing to put up with the embarrassment of such a thing happening in front of the kids if it meant that the old Dee was back!

 

But there was no sign of anything like that happening, Dee wouldn't even smile at him the way he used to. Ryo swallowed hard against the lump in his throat. It looked like his dream of being true partners in life were over and he would have to just settle with being partners at work. That is if Dee still wanted him to be.

 

Ryo stood, brushing down his trousers so he had an excuse to keep his head lowered for a moment longer as he fiercely blinked back the wetness building in his eyes. When he finally felt he had his emotions back under control and raised his head he felt he was being stared at and turned to find two sets of eyes fixed on him calculatingly. Bikky and Carol just looked at him silently, and he had no idea what either were thinking as their faces were quite blank, then they suddenly shared a glance as though a silent communication passed between them.

 

The two kids then made a bee-line for Dee and grabbed a hand each, steering him over to the couch, Carol plumping the cushions up for him to be more comfortable, whilst Bikky was telling him to make the most of the attention and he was only doing this to please Ryo and Carol. Both continued to talk a mile a minute, never leaving a moment of silence to build in the room. Carol hung over the arm of the couch at Dee's feet whilst Bikky plonked himself down on the floor, sprawled out in a relaxed pose. They talked about school, about sports, about friends with Lai and Lass coming up in the conversation more than once. They complained about tests and exams, about camp and the stupid things they have to do or some of the things they enjoyed. They kept the conversation flowing over Dee, each taking up a strand with the other adding to it and gradually drawing the unusually reticent Dee out and into the conversation. They were soon calling each other names and bantering as usual although it was a little more sedate than normal due to an effort not to excite Dee too much.

 

Assured that Dee was in good hands and was being amused, Ryo went into the kitchen and began putting dinner together. The kids had been sure to help him out and had already boiled the pasta and the meat was thawed, ready to cook. He swiftly made up a spaghetti bolognaise, noting that the kids had broken the uncooked pasta into smaller sections first so they were easier to manage. That should make it a little simpler for Dee. He still had a little trouble with his breathing and trying to suck up a long strand of spaghetti would probably send him immediately into a coughing fit. This way, each strand would fit comfortable into the spoon and could be eaten in one mouthful. Ryo smiled at the kids thoughtfulness.

 

He didn't bother making a salad as he would normally do, knowing Dee's dislike for `rabbit food' as he would so eloquently put it. Besides a quick and simple meal would be best, Dee was looking tired already. Ryo didn't overly spice the food either, keeping it the blandest he could so as not to over tax Dee's weakened body with different tastes after he had been fed in the hospital mainly from a drip for many weeks and was only taking solids again very slowly.

 

Once all the preparations were done, Carol helped him take the plates out to the lounge room, for once allowing the kids to eat there, resting large bowls on their knees. He usually enforced the rule that food was only consumed in the kitchen at the table for two reasons; firstly it kept the crumbs and mess located to one room. Secondly, he hoped it would instill a more family feel of them sitting down to eat together in that way. The only time that rule was relaxed was if they had a pizza night and ate that whilst watching TV. So this was a very special occasion but he had figured that Dee would be far more comfortable sitting on the couch which was softer than the high backed chairs in the kitchen, and it also meant that he had less distance to walk as the couch was closer to the bedroom.

 

The kids kept the conversation going all through the evening, Ryo joining in but Dee lapsed back into silence, only responding when asked a direct question. Ryo could see he was beginning to look weary, his face appearing drawn. It was a good thing that by the time they had finished dinner it was time for Bikky and Carol to go to bed. Or at least to go to their bedroom where they would normally sit up talking for a while longer.

 

Carol had insisted on staying over for the night since it was Dee's first night back and after Ryo had explained just how seriously ill Dee had been. He hadn't wanted to frighten or upset the children but he also wanted them to fully understand why it was that Dee was coming to stay with them and how difficult it might be for a while. They had seemed completely stunned at first by the knowledge of just how close Dee had come to dying. Although both of them had seen death at close hand so were no stranger to the idea of people dying, they still seemed shocked that Dee had almost been such a fatality. Ryo himself still shied away from that thought, in knowing how close he had been to losing Dee fully. Even if Dee didn't want to be with him, he didn't want him to be dead. He wanted to be able to live his life knowing that Dee was well and happy, even if he had to live with that knowledge alone.

 

The two children obeyed Ryo's command to bed complacently enough, without Bikky's usual complaints about being treated like a little kid and why couldn't he stay up later? Ryo had noticed that the only times Bikky went to bed without complaints was when Carol was there. Whether it was because he didn't want to seem like he was acting childishly in front of the older girl, or it was simply because he was happy to spend more time with her, Ryo didn't know. Either way, he was extremely grateful for the ease in which they departed. So with cheery goodnights and kisses for both Ryo and Dee, except from Bikky to Dee that is, the two men soon found themselves alone together for the first time.

 

“Why don't we get you settled in?” Ryo said with a smile to Dee, before the lengthening silence could become awkward. “You look like you could do with a rest. You know the doctors told you not to tire yourself out to begin with.”

 

“Yeah.” was Dee's short answer but he stood and made his way to the bedroom. Ryo turned and collected his case where he had placed it earlier and didn't see the hesitation as Dee reached for the door handle leading to the bedroom. When he had finally turned, the door was open and Dee had already entered.

 

Ryo dropped the bad onto the bed and began to unpack it. He moved some of his clothes from a drawer in the dresser and settled a couple of shirts onto hangers in the wardrobe, all the while Dee said nothing.

 

“Make yourself at home,” he said. “You know where everything is.”

 

He entered the bathroom and placed Dee's toothbrush next to his. He looked at those two items resting side by side and the sight of it made his eyes tear up suddenly. He quickly brushed them away, afraid Dee would come in and see him like this. But that simple thing of the toothbrushes made him wish that they could stay like that forever, that Dee's would always be there by his. He wished they could wake up together and then stand here side by side in the bathroom, brushing their teeth, getting ready for work. Though then again, the bathroom was a little small so they would probably spend more time knocking elbows than anything else. That brought a small smile to his face as he pictured it. It would still be nice.

 

He glanced in the mirror to check that there were no signs of his sudden tears, relieved that he still looked fine, although his eyes were a little over bright but he didn't think Dee would notice. He set Dee's wash bag on the small vanity so it was within easy reach for his partner and then returned to the bedroom.

 

Dee hadn't moved in the time he had been gone and Ryo didn't know what else to do. He had stretched out the unpacking for as long as he could without seeming suspicious in the hope that Dee would want to talk to him but nothing. What had he expected? He was just being foolish now and probably making Dee uncomfortable which was the last thing he wanted to do. It was time for him to just leave him in peace.

 

“You get some rest,” He smiled warmly at the still seated and silent Dee. “I'll just be out on the couch so if you need anything just call out. I don't want you to strain yourself doing anything you don't have to so don't be a tough guy and not ask for help. You know how much of a light sleeper I am so it's no problem.”

 

Dee looked up at that, seeming puzzled. “You're not sleeping here?”

 

Oh, so that is what has been worrying him? Ryo thought. No wonder, he had forgotten to tell Dee that he would be sleeping on the couch. The guy had probably been stressing ever since leaving the hospital thinking that he was going to have to share a bed with Ryo. Well, at least now he didn't have to worry any longer.

 

“Yeah, sorry I forgot to tell you. I'll sleep on the couch so you can relax and stretch out as much as you want.” Ryo said reassuringly, smiling again. “I know how much you like to do that so now you can. But remember to call me if you need anything, okay?”

 

“Hmm,” was the quiet response as Dee dropped his head again. Ryo waited a moment more but Dee returned to complete silence so with a swallowed sigh he left, closing the door behind him.

 

************

 

Dee stared at the closed door, feeling the tightness that had been constricting his chest all day begin to loosen a little and the tears begin to fall from his eyes. Ryo couldn't even bear to sleep by his side any longer. Was he that afraid that Dee might try something? Did Dee disgust him that much? Ryo had never slept on the couch when he had stayed over before, it hadn't even come up as an option once. Now, he couldn't wait to get out there.

 

He didn't try to brush the tears away. They had been building all day, getting worse during the evening as he had sat here in these familiar surroundings, listening to the cheerful chatter of Carol and Bikky. It was almost like normal, almost like the scenes of happy families that he had imagined and hoped for over and over again. He could almost make himself pretend that it was exactly like that, that everything was fine but then one look at Ryo would remind him that it was nothing but a lie. They weren't a happy family. Ryo, Bikky and Carol were but he had no place there. He had wanted to bawl like a baby knowing that.

 

Once the kids had gone to bed and he had been alone with Ryo he didn't know what to say. He was so scared of saying the wrong thing and pissing Ryo off even more that he couldn't even bring himself to open his mouth. Watching Ryo unpack his bag, talking normally had hurt so much. How could everything seem so ordinary?!

 

So he had stayed silent because the words beginning to bubble up inside him wanting to come out were words that he knew Ryo wouldn't want to hear. Words of love, of longing, of wanting, of despair, of shattered dreams and hopes. Pleas of forgiveness, vows to change and make things better. Begging to remain by his side forever. None of that Ryo would want to hear from him, it would only serve to drive him further away and that Dee was trying to prevent at all costs.

 

He tiredly stood and made his way into the bathroom, running a shower and bathing quickly before brushing his teeth. He looked at his reflection haloed in steam. The face staring back at him was very pale and thin, eyes large and shadowed. I look like crap, he thought with a weary chuckled. No way I'd be pulling in the birds looking like this! The laughter faded at that thought as a vision of Ryo's smiling face surface in his mind. Yeah, right.

 

He turned and flicked off the light, rubbing his hair down vigorously with the towel draped around his neck as he walked back to the bed. He tossed the damp towel on the floor and raked his fingers through his hair as he tossed back the covers. Gingerly he sat on the bed and swung his legs up. He still had to be careful of any sudden twists but he managed to lay himself down comfortably without any dramas.

 

He pulled a pillow closer under his neck and closed his eyes as a whiff of a familiar scent drifted to his senses, the aroma of Ryo's cologne. He took a deep breath, taking comfort in the smell, a small smile involuntarily touching his lips and he could picture Ryo lying here in this large bed, one hand curled under his cheek like a child, long lashes hiding his dark eyes, the soft whisper of his breathing as he slept. Dee had always thought Ryo looked so sweet when he slept. He looked so at peace that it always made Dee feel just as at peace.

 

He turned his head to the side, the soft pillow changing with his position and curling up around his face, caressing his cheek. For all that it was extremely comfortable, Dee couldn't help but feel lost in this bed. Although his own bed was almost as large and he liked having the space to be able to spread out, it just felt so wrong here. This bed seemed to scream out for two people; it was meant for two people. Dee had always found it an endearing thought that Ryo had kept this bed that had been his parents who had seemed to be such a loving couple. He had always hoped that it meant that it would bring them good luck and so he and Ryo could share this bed as just a happy a couple as they had been. He had never been in this bed without Ryo by his side and now it just seemed so completely wrong.

 

He turned his head further to bury his face into the downy softness, muffling the sobs and letting the tears soak away.

 

************

 

Ryo stood there for a moment longer, hand resting lightly on the wood of the closed door, feeling tears pricking at the back of his eyes. He leant forward till his brow rested on the door, swallowing against the lump in his throat. Oh, Dee, he moaned. I just wanted you to be happy!

 

The door between them may have only been an inch thick, yet it appeared to be a barrier stronger than any forcefield keeping them apart.

 

With a sigh Ryo pushed away and made his way to the couch and started when he saw Bikky sitting quietly there. “What are you doing up?” Ryo asked. “You're supposed to be in bed, you know. It's school tomorrow.”

 

“Yeah, I know,” the boy answered totally unperturbed.

 

Ryo sat down next to him. “So what did you need?” he asked, thinking something might be bothering the boy or he had had a fight with Carol.

 

Bikky looked at him steadily, that too old expression on his young face. Ryo disliked seeing that look for it reminded him that Bikky had seen and experienced far too much for one of so few years. It had seemed that he could behave far more like a normal child since Ryo had taken him in but what had gone before would never be truly erased. Ryo didn't like to think about those lost years of Bikky's innocent childhood.

 

“What's going on with you two?” the boy said bluntly, catching Ryo off guard.

 

“Pardon?” he automatically responded, trying to gather his thoughts. He thought Bikky must have been worried about something relating to himself or to Carol. He hadn't been expecting a question about he and Dee!

 

Bikky crossed his arms and glared at him. “Don't give me that dense look,” he growled in his underage voice. Ryo felt suitably chastised. “It's obvious that something's up. The two of you are dancing around each other like crazy. What the hell is going on?”

 

“Ah, it's nothing.” Ryo tried to say with a false smile.

 

Bikky's frown just grew deeper. “Don't try and fob me off with that either,” He snorted at Ryo's poor attempt of a cover-up. “Something's up, even a blind man could see that! Have you had a fight or something again?”

 

Ryo shook his head. “No, nothing like that.”

 

“Then what?” Bikky persisted.

 

Ryo sighed. “Bikky, sometimes things just don't work out.” he said quietly, feeling his chest constrict.

 

Bikky seemed to freeze in place. “Whadda ya mean?”

 

Ryo had noticed that Bikky's speech would often slip back into street slang when he was upset. “Dee and I,” Ryo swallowed hard and then tried to continue as calmly as possible to explain to his charge the way of the world. “There's nothing between us any more. We're just work partners.”

 

“You said you liked him.” Bikky stated flatly.

 

Ryo felt his heart thump again with pain. “I do. I did.”

 

“Which is it?” Bikky pressed.

 

Ryo didn't know how to answer and wanted to lie to the boy and say that he had changed his mind but he had a feeling that he would see right through him if he did that so he tried to hedge around it instead. “I mean that just sometimes things aren't the way you think they are or how you thought they would turn out.” He tried to smile at Bikky, hoping to reassure him. “It's okay.”

 

“Don't give me that bullshit,” Bikky said bluntly, shocking Ryo with his language. It wasn't often that the boy did actually swear, for which Ryo was very grateful. Dee could get a little carried away with that which was more than enough. “You said you liked Dee. As in really liked him. That doesn't just go away and you know it. So what are you trying to hide from? What's gone on with you two? You were going to tell him how you felt, remember?”

 

That's right, Ryo did remember. That was just before he found out that Dee was missing, presumed dead. He had almost forgotten about that. “Well, that was before Dee was sick.”

 

“What's that got to do with it?” Bikky said sharply. “Now he's getting better so just tell him.”

 

Ryo couldn't stop the sad sigh that left his lips. “I can't now.” he finally admitted, knowing that Bikky wouldn't leave until he had the truth. “When people get really ill like this it can change the way you look at things. You suddenly realize that some of the things you thought were really important just…aren't.”

 

Bikky stared at him. “Are you saying you don't love Dee any more?”

 

Ryo didn't now if he was shocked by the actual question or by the fact that Bikky had used the `L' word in relation to he and Dee. “It's not that,” he said, shaking his head.

 

“Do you still love him?” Bikky pressed, staring hard at him.

 

The `yes' that slipped from Ryo's lips was soft and hung in the air between them with no way for him to pull it back.

 

“So,” and now Bikky frowned again and threw a quick glance over the back of the couch towards the closed bedroom door. “So you mean that Dee doesn't love you anymore?”

 

Ryo couldn't answer that as he felt his eyes beginning to burn with unshed tears.

 

“Has he told you that?” Bkky wanted to know.

 

Ryo shook his head and cleared his throat. “It's not something that most people can say easily.” he said to the boy quietly. “And you normally don't have to say anything for the message to get across.''

 

“But then how do you know that you've read the message right?” Bikky pressed.

 

“Bikky,” Ryo said softly, reaching out and ruffling the boy's hair. The fact that he let him do so was evidence enough that he was actually quite upset about all this. “You saw how things were tonight, didn't you?” he said quietly. “Isn't that why you wanted to talk to me? It's pretty obvious that things have changed, even to you.”

 

Bikky backed off a little then, out of Ryo's reach. “But you don't know for sure,” he said.

 

“I don't think I need to ask the question to be rejected outright.” Ryo replied with a pained smile. “And I don't want to put Dee on the spot and make him feel uncomfortable in having to actually say it. This way at least we both still know but hopefully we can get past it all and still work together.”

 

“But you still love him.” Bikky said.

 

Ryo didn't answer, just said, “Good night, Bikky.”

 

The boy looked like he was going to continue arguing but then stood and headed for his own closed door. He threw a glance towards the second bedroom, eyes dark with worry. “You do still love him, Ryo. I know you do” he said softly, and then disappeared into his room.

 

Ryo stayed where he was for a moment, letting his head fall back on the couch, staring at the ceiling, feeling his heart ache as tears slid slowly from the corners of his eyes.

 

Oh, yes, he still loved Dee. With all his heart.

 

But that no longer seemed enough.