Fake Fan Fiction ❯ Yesterday's Feelings ❯ Songbird ( Chapter 5 )

Author’s Notes- I am very, very sorry that this chapter took so long to get up. I have been working constantly and fell into a rut. So now that I am rolling again, I hope things go a lot faster. The song I used for this chapter is called “Songbird” by Fleetwood Mac if you are interested in hearing it. g it

Thanks to everyone that reviewed - you made my day! ^.^ I would like to especially thank J-chan for being my creative editor person and Tohru-tan for being my grammar Nazi because, well, lets face it: I suck at it! And I could never forget ColeridgeFan, Kitty in the Box, and Monkey-fairy who have reviewed every single chapter. On with the show!!!!!!



Chapter 5- Songbird

"I don't think I ever want to eat Chinese again," Dee moaned miserably into the toilet for the second time that night.

"You're just saying that because it is coming back out. I believe you loved it when it was going down," Ryo joked, rubbing soothing circles along Dee's back.

After coming home from the park, it was quite late, so Ryo had decided to order out. Bikky was complaining about how hungry he was, so Ryo thought it would be best to order something to keep the peace in the small apartment for another night. After a quick browsing of the takeout leaflets they had scattered around the house, everyone found something they wanted on the Chinese menu.

Unfortunately, the overly greasy Chinese didn't seem to be sitting well with Dee when combined with his medication. This resulted in Dee hanging out in the bathroom for most of the night, feeling like someone was rearranging the shape of his stomach. Ryo should have guessed this would happen, knowing how Dee had been feeling the previous nights, and he felt terrible about causing the poor man more troubles. On the other hand, no matter what Ryo might have fed Dee, it might have ended up like this anyways; Ryo just couldn't win these days.

Dee groaned once more before slumping onto the wall to soak up the chill from the tiles. The coldness from the tiles felt soothing on Dee's burning skin, and he couldn't imagine moving from the spot for a very long time.

"Feel any better?" Ryo asked gently. Ryo wanted to make sure Dee was at least feeling slightly less nauseous before moving him back to the living room, which would certainly be more comfortable than sitting on the tiled floor for the rest of the evening. Ryo was worried about how sick Dee had been that evening, but he hoped there wouldn’t be a larger problem as long as he kept him hydrated.

"No, I think I am dying," Dee mumbled into the wall.

"You're not dying," Ryo said, smiling softly at Dee's comment. 'Dee must be feeling better if he is actually speaking and not just lying there listlessly,' Ryo thought.

"Come on, why don't you go lie down for the rest of the evening. I bet the couch is a lot more comfortable than the floor," Ryo coaxed. Dee really did look like he was dying to Ryo; his skin had a sweaty sheen, and his usually olive cheeks had a pale, ashen tint to them.

"Yeah, sure," Dee murmured in response to Ryo's questions, and he slowly got to his feet with a great deal of help from Ryo. "Go ahead, Ryo, I'll meet you in the living room. I really need to brush my teeth."

Ryo gave Dee a quick peck on the forehead before heading out of the small bathroom. When Ryo came into the living room, Bikky was still playing a game that he had bought earlier that afternoon. Somehow, he had managed to finish all of his homework before the two men got home and had spent the rest of the evening brutally killing the strange characters in the game. Ryo could only look with disgust as Bikky's character lost its head and blood spurted from the stump of a body.

"Bikky, could we please watch some TV or something that doesn't included large amounts of blood and decapitation?" Ryo asked as he sat down on the couch settling into his well-used corner.

"Aw, come on Ryo, one more round! I seriously think I can beat this guy this time," Bikky begged.

"And how many times have you tried to beat this guy tonight?" Ryo asked.

"I believe the 21st time will be the lucky one, don't you think?"

"I don't even want to comment on that. I think 20 times is good enough for one night, so turn it off." Bikky gave a defeated sighed, turned off the machine, and started to flip through the channels from his position on the floor.

Dee came into the living room just as Bikky finally decided on a show, still looking rather off colour.

He sat down next to Ryo as close as he could get with out touching the other man. Ryo had begun to notice Dee sticking himself at Ryo's side since they shared that intimate moment at the park.

His younger lover would never actually initiate any contact but always reciprocated any touches Ryo offered. For Ryo, this was a positive sign, as Dee was beginning to warm up to him in small ways when he wasn't distressed.

But Ryo knew he still had to be careful with how much he offered. One push too hard and Dee wouldn't trust him anymore, but not enough might cause doubts in his already shaky partner. In the end, it came down to Ryo feeling slightly unsure of his actions, and he wasn't sure he would feel on solid ground again until Dee started to really push back.

"Dee," Ryo said in a soft tone, trying to get his lover's attention without startling him.

"Yeah?" Dee was still feeling out of sorts and was enjoying the soft sounds from the TV and the warmth radiating off of Ryo. He hoped Ryo didn't want him to move because he was content how he was.

"Do you think you could handle some more tea? I don't want you feeling worse because you're becoming dehydrated."

"I guess so," Dee replied sounding unsure of his answer.

Ryo sighed in relief; he was surprised Dee wasn't objecting to putting anything else in his already abused stomach.

"I'll be right back--" Ryo started, but before he could say anything else, Bikky cut him off.

"Don't worry about it, I'll get Dee some tea. I was going to get something to eat anyways. Do you want something too?"

"If you could get me a cup of tea too I would appreciate it. Don't worry about making the tea I usually have, just make one pot of Dee's tea." Bikky just nodded before heading off to the kitchen, leaving the two men alone once again.

"Do you feel up for a visit tomorrow?" Ryo asked breaking the silence.

"From who?" Dee inquired.

"Some of the guys at work called earlier wanting to see how you were doing. I thought it might be good for you to meet them again and get them off of my back for awhile," Ryo finished with a humorous smile.

"I had fun with the kids and Mother Lane today, so I guess it would be fine." Dee trusted Ryo's judgment, and if he thought it was okay, why should he debate over it and make things more complicated than they had to be? Ryo had yet to let him down, and as far as he knew, he didn't think that the sandy-haired man had ever let him down in their relationship.

"I think they will probably be stopping by early in the afternoon and try and pass it off as a lunch break. How well it will work is anyone's guess." Ryo laughed at his own comment. The guys were most likely going to be caught, but it was their own idea; Ryo had told them to wait for the weekend, but as tomorrow was Tuesday they thought it was way too long to wait.

"They actually wanted to go for a drink, but I managed to talk them down to lunch because of your meds. Ever since Drake ended up with a dart in his thigh, I have been iffy about going drinking with them," Ryo ended warily.

"Sounds like an interesting group of guys," Dee replied.

"You don't know the half of it."

Bikky came back with his snack and tea for both of the men. They relaxed in a comfortable silence before it was finally time for bed. Bikky shut off the TV and began to shuffle off to his room to probably play some more video games on his hand held system when Ryo called to him.

"Don't stay up too late," Ryo told the teen firmly. "I will drag you out of bed for school tomorrow if I have to, but I would rather have a peaceful morning - unlike today, if you get my drift."

"Aye, Aye Captain," Bikky said sarcastically.

He almost told the perv to keep his hands to himself as per their routine, but he caught himself. Instead, he just said goodnight and left for his room.

For Bikky, it was weird not seeing Dee jumping all over Ryo anymore. He was finally used to their antics and it was upsetting not seeing them act like lovers but more like friends. Bikky knew once Dee remembered more, things would get back to normal, and he, for one, couldn't wait for that to happen.

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When Ryo came back from the bathroom, Dee was spread out on the bed, face down. Ryo took the opportunity presented and sat down on the edge of the bed and began to rub his lover's back. Dee startled a bit when Ryo first touched him but melted into Ryo's soothing hands after a few moments. Dee groaned when Ryo hit a particularly tender spot.

"No wonder I married you," Dee groaned into the pillow again. "This feels so good."

"Why thank you, it is one of the better tricks in my arsenal." Ryo continued to rub the kinks in Dee’s back until he could tell his lover was almost out for the count. Ryo clicked off the bedside lamp and crawled into his side of the bed. Ryo couldn't help but admire his partner’s features highlighted by the soft light coming in from the window. Ryo ran a gentle hand down Dee's back, not being able to curb the desire to touch his well defined body. He rubbed a slight scar on Dee's shoulder that was always itchy according to his lover. When Dee moaned softly, still half asleep, Ryo jerked his hand away.

'What am I doing?' Ryo thought while his cheeks burned. 'I should have more control that this. I am not a horn dog like Dee, and I especially shouldn't be doing this while he is half asleep. God, what is my problem!'

Ryo was rather embarrassed; normally doing those kinds of things were not a problem, and it came as a second nature to both of the detectives. But with Dee unable to reciprocate his touches, it just wasn't right.

'Control,' Ryo thought. 'I must have self control.' It didn't get much easier when Dee rolled over on to his side and threw an arm over Ryo's waist. 'Control,' was the litany Ryo chanted until he finally fell asleep. It still didn't prevent Ryo from jerking off like a mad man in the shower the next morning before Dee woke up. ^.~

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The afternoon came quickly, and before Ryo knew it, he heard the bell ring while he was preparing a light lunch for everyone. Ryo could see Dee sitting on the couch, reading a magazine he found on the coffee table after Ryo shooed him out of the kitchen. Seeing that Dee was overly engrossed in the magazine, he shouted at Dee to go answer the door, thinking nothing of it.

That was until he heard a very loud yell from Dee and a few bangs. Ryo rushed into the hall to find that Dee was down on the floor and pressed up against the wall with JJ holding out his hands in a non-aggressive gesture. Ryo should have know this would happen; JJ was always jumping onto Dee, trying to show his affections for the other man, which had changed more into friendly glomps when JJ had started dating Drake.

Ryo knelt down beside Dee and put a hand on his shoulder trying to get Dee to focus his attention on him and not the practically hysterical JJ who just kept repeating how sorry he was. When this still wasn't working Ryo grasped Dee's chin and turned his face towards him.

"Dee, look at me," Ryo said when he noticed Dee's eyes still looking off into the distance. "It is alright, JJ didn't mean to scare you, but sometimes he gets a little over-enthusiastic with his hello's."

Dee snapped out of whatever he was caught in and ran a hand through his hair looking rather sheepish about the whole thing.

"Are you alright?" Ryo asked while helping the other man to his feet.

"I'm fine, it was nothing," Dee mumbled back.

"It was not ‘nothing’," Ryo countered putting a hand on Dee's shoulder.

Dee just shook Ryo's hand off as soon as he felt it. "I said it was nothing. Drop it," Dee said coldly giving Ryo a hard look before stalking off into the living room. This surprised the other detectives because they have never seen Dee talk like that to Ryo.

"What the hell crawled up his ass?" JJ asked.

"I wish I could tell you. Dee has been all over the place since he came home. One minute he is confused, and the next he might be angry with himself for not being able to remember something. I think a memory is bothering him, but he can only remember small flashes or feelings, which I think are just making it worse. All I can say is that he just needs time," Ryo trailed off.

The tension in the doorway was thick with each of the men wondering what to say next. Things had changed so much for all of them over the last few days, leaving each with his concerns about the dark haired detective currently brooding in the next room. The only one brave enough to break the silence was Drake, who always seemed to have more tact in tense situations.

"Come on, guys, let’s make the most of this and enjoy Ryo's cooking skills, because I know I only eat this well when we come for dinner. Besides, we better get a move on before the chief catches us and gives us extra shifts as punishment. Come on, troops, march!"

Drake marched off into the living room with only Ted and Marty following him. Ryo was about to follow the congregation when he noticed the JJ was still hanging back, looking apprehensively at the hallway leading to the living room.

"You know it wasn't your fault," Ryo started gently.

"I should have known better. The guy can't even remember who he is and all I can do is jump all over him like nothing is wrong," JJ said blowing lilac strands out of his eyes, seeming entirely exasperated with himself.

"Who's to say you should have?" Ryo replied. "It's not like I haven't scared him or pissed him off myself over the last few days. You'll never being able to predict everything that will stir a flash of a memory. Besides, he gets over it faster than you can blink most times, so just ignore it. He'll sort things out eventually, and in the mean time, don't feel bad about things you can't control, okay?"

"How do you always know the right thing to say?"

"I don't, but when you have a kid, you learn how to read people better." Ryo gave JJ another smile and ushered the younger detective towards the kitchen. Despite having breakfast earlier in the day, Ryo was rather hungry, and he hoped those pigs had left something for himself and JJ.

When Ryo came into the kitchen, he was pleasantly surprised to see a plate set out for him, and he noticed JJ was already devouring the portion that had been left for him.

As Ryo was grabbing his plate, he could feel two eyes staring into his back from the table. Ryo tilted his head slightly to catch the reflection from the kitchen window and saw Dee staring at his back intently. As far as Ryo could guess, Dee was probably feeling a bit insecure and guilty about his outburst from a few moments ago, but when Ryo turned around to get a better look at his lover's expression Dee's eyes were already focused on his meal again.

"I am sure these 3 loons have already introduced themselves while I was talking to JJ, right Dee?" Ryo said breaking the short silence that encompassed the kitchen. Dee made a bit of a face when he said this before replying.

"Yeah, they have, and they told me some pretty weird stories. I can honestly say I am not sure if I should be running for the hills right now or staying safe here." The three men just snickered at the comment, making Ryo wonder what the hell they had said to Dee.

Deciding it was better just to leave it alone, Ryo thought he better steer the conversation in a safer direction.

"I guess I should properly introduce JJ to you, now that he isn't jumping all over you." Ryo heard a few more snickers from the peanut gallery and just shot the men a dirty look before continuing.

"As I was saying, Dee, this is Jemmy J. Adams." JJ stuck his hand across the table and Dee reluctantly placed his hand in the other’s tight grip before pulling his hand away like he had been burned.

"You shot me," Dee stated bluntly with a note of disbelief in his voice.

"I don't know what you are talking about," JJ replied, sounding slightly panicked.

"I don't know when or where, but I do know you shot me," Dee said firmly before looking at Ryo expecting some answers.

"Don't look at me, I haven't heard about this one before," Ryo replied, giving JJ a hard look. This was not something he ever expected to hear out of Dee's mouth. He was certainly wondering what the answer to Dee's question was; when and where did this happen?

Before JJ could get another word out the other men begun to chant, "Spill, spill, spill!" so loudly that JJ was hoping a neighbor might complain so he could get out of this one. When the guys didn't stop, JJ finally caved in.

"Fine, fine, I'll tell you, just shut up!" JJ shouted over the noise.

"Dee and I had just graduated from the academy, and we went out into the bush to party and shoot a few cans with our newly issueds guns. We brought our own rounds so we could get away with blowing away as much shit as we wanted and not get caught. We got rip-roaring drunk and starteding blowing a few cans off of a fence. I know it sounds stupid but it seemed like a great idea at the time."

"Sounds like an accident waiting to happen," Ryo interrupted crossly. He couldn't believe Dee could have been so stupid. 'Never mind, scratch that last thought – something like that is almost seemed expected of Dee,' Ryo thought sourly.

"Anyways, Dee started acting like a complete ass and I thought I might fire a few warning shots to shut him up, but I guess my aim was a little off in my state of mind. And it's not like it was serious or anything, just a bit of freezing and a few stitches and he was fine," JJ finished hastily.

"So where did you hit him anyway?" Drake asked. "I don't remember seeing any large scars on Dee before. There is a scar on his shoulder, but I thought that was a knife." Dee turned bright red after hearing Drake's questions. Unfortunately for Dee, Drake noticed the man's sudden color change and got a craftily gleam in his eyes.

"Come on JJ, tell me or you’re not getting any for a month," Drake said triumphantly, knowing he had won the battle as JJ looked panicked and Dee pushed the heels of his palms into his eyes.

JJ muttered something that sounded distinctly like ‘the mash,’ which of course wouldn't do for informational purposes. "Come on, lovely, we are all waiting," Drake snickered.

"The ass alright! I shot him in the ass!" JJ yelled abruptly before turning red. Not a sound was to be heard in the kitchen until the thunk of Dee's head hitting the table set the other detective off howling. Ryo looked rather amused with the answer.

"I always wondered what left that scar, but the most I could get was that you sat on a nail, which I didn't believe for a second," Ryo said giving his partner a soft smile who looked about ready to sink ten feet into the ground. The guys stayed for about another hour, which proved to be far less embarrassing than the previous hour, but of course, not too tame either.

“I’m really sorry Ryo! I didn’t mean to step on you again,” Dee said remorsefully as Ryo was guiding him through a simple waltz they had learned last year.

It was a trade off for them when Ryo finally got Dee into taking some dance lessons that reminded him so much of the times he spent with his mother. In exchange Dee had Ryo join him in a kickboxing class for a few months. Dee had slowly built up some grace and confidence in a few of the dances they had learned, which Ryo noted had all but disappeared as Dee stepped on his foot again.

“Sorry!” Ryo winced slightly as he limped over to change the music hoping to find a better way to pull this off.

“It’s okay, but I think we are going to try something else.” Ryo flipped through a few CDs before finding the right one and popping it in and choosing a softer song. Dee heard a soothing piano melody begin with the first few lines before Ryo beckoned him over.

For you, there’ll be no more crying,
“Come here, you big lug, lets try this again,” Ryo said warmly take hold of Dee’s hand when he got close enough and placing it around his neck.

For you, the sun will be shining,
“Now, close your eyes and let me lead you.” Dee blew out a shaky breath and let Ryo guide him slowly, hesitantly just like he had over the last few days.

And I feel that when I’m with you,
“You know, I don’t bite, you can come a little closer,” Ryo whispered into Dee’s ear, noticing that the younger man had left a rather sizable gap between them.

It’s alright, I know it’s right

Dee shuffled much closer to the sandy-haired man and tightened his grip, resting his chin softly against Ryo’s shoulder.

To you, I’ll give the world
“Much better,” Ryo sighed, running soothing fingers down Dee’s back.

To you, I’ll never be cold
“I just remembered something about you,” Dee murmured into Ryo’s shoulder.

’cause I feel that when I’m with you,
It’s alright, I know it’s right.
“Oh? What is it?” Ryo asked, turning his head slightly to see Dee’s face. Ryo was extremely surprised that Dee was in the mood for sharing, as he had been acting tight-lipped since JJ had scared him earlier that day.

And the songbirds are singing,Like they know the score,

“Your favourite ice cream is vanilla because it’s sweet enough to be eaten by itself, but simple enough that you can add something to make it a different ice cream everyday.”


And I love you, I love you, I love you,Like never before.
Ryo was astonished that Dee had remembered something so insignificant that he had said in passing when they were going for an ice cream cone at least two years ago.
And I wish you all the love in the world,
When Ryo didn’t say anything, Dee spoke up again. “I know it’s a silly thing to remember, but it’s all I have.”

But most of all, I wish it from myself.

“It’s not silly! I think it is rather sweet.” Dee couldn’t help but snort at Ryo’s unintended pun. “Oh stop laughing, you ass, it wasn’t supposed to be funny,” Ryo said smiling at his partner’s antics.
And the songbirds keep singing,Like they know the score,

“Even if you think it’s funny, I still think it’s as sweet as vanilla ice cream, in fact.”

“Now you’re just being silly,” Dee retorted.

“You can be such a cheeky bastard sometimes, but I love you none-the-less,” Ryo put a soft hand on Dee’s check, running the pad of his thumb over the silky skin.

“You do?” Dee questioned hesitantly breathing in Ryo’s warm scent.

“I do,” Ryo said, looking deeply in to Dee’s bottomless emerald eyes.
And I love you, I love you, I love you,

The moment surrounded the couple and Ryo couldn’t help but tilt his head up slightly before capturing Dee’s lip in a soft, lingering kiss, full of the affection and warmth he had for the taller man.
Like never before, like never before.

The kiss didn’t stay soft and chaste for long before turning fiery as Dee began to respond more passionately. The music drifted in the back ground as the two men lost themselves in each other.

Ryo’s brain was quickly shutting down, and all thoughts of keeping things smoldering instead of burning left Ryo the instant Dee ghosted a hand down his side.

Ryo slid a leg between Dee’s thighs and started to back the dark hair man towards the closest flat surface, being the wall. Ryo wanted nothing more than to press himself against the taller man and kiss him until his head spun.

Dee didn’t show any resistance to the slow move and gave a soft grunt when his back came in contact with the wall. Dee moved his arms back around Ryo’s neck and began to play with the baby fine hairs littered on Ryo’s nape as his partner began to work on his throat.

Dee was enjoying himself immensely until Ryo pressed himself against Dee and nipped at his ear. Dee froze as an image of someone else pushing him into a wall and roughly squeezing his wrists flickered across his vision.

Ryo went from full out ravishing his partner to having his ass connecting with the floor as Dee forcefully shoved him out of his personal space. The harsh impact snapped Ryo out of the haze he was in. When Ryo looked up, at Dee was leaning against the wall with his chest heaving, and he knew he had screwed up big time.

If he was lucky, Dee hadn’t lost all of the trust they had built up over the last few days. ‘I am a complete idiot,’ Ryo thought sourly.

As Ryo got up slowly from the floor, he took good look at Dee and saw that his lovere was clutching his forehead and looking extremely distressed.

“Shit, Dee, I’m really sorry,” Ryo said in soft tones, trying not to startle the brunette further. “It was too fast, I know. I don’t know what got into me. I guess I just miss being with you.”

“It wasn’t that,” Dee said resting heavily oninto the wall, wishing Ryo would come a little closer so he could get into his husband’s arms and off of the damn wall. “I was fine, enjoying myself until I-I…”

“You remembered something didn’t you?” Ryo moved closer to Dee, allowing the other man to step into his embrace.

Dee nodded as he locked his arms around Ryo’s back and pressing his face into Ryo’s throat, which was starting to become one of the man’s favorite spots.

“Something unpleasant?” Ryo questioned again feeling another nod from Dee. “Do you want to tell me about it?” A shake this time from his lover fueled Ryo’s growing g concerns.

“Dee, you can’t keep bottling this up, you have to tell me. I know you have been having flashes of unpleasant things and not telling me about them, and I have left it alone until now, but this is where I need to draw the line for your sake,” Ryo said firmly.

Dee finally poked his head out from Ryo’s throat looking tired and drawn. “Later, I promise, just not now. My head is killing me,” Dee pleaded, sagging against Ryo.

Noticing Dee wincing slightly with his brow creasing painfully, Ryo was about to suggest Dee go lie down when Bikky came out of his room from fresh from finishing his homework. Dee didn’t even move away from Ryo like he had expected, but just tightened his grasp, pressing his face more firmly into Ryo’s throat.

“If you two want to shag like bunnies, do it in your own room, other people live here too,” Bikky said rather rudely, obviously grumpy from being shut in his room for a good two hours.

“Now is not the time,” Ryo snapped. “Go get a cool cloth for Dee and some Advil, I am taking him to lie down.”

Bikky was taken aback from Ryo’s harsh tone and hurried off to the bathroom wondering what the hell was going on.

When he came into his Dad’s room he saw Dee on his side facing the door with Ryo running a hand down his arm. Dee’s face looked pinched like he had one killer of a headache.

Bikky decided it would be better to ask questions later and dropped off the cloth and drugs, making a hasty retreat back to his room.

“Dee, I am going to sit you up for a minute,” Ryo said in low tones helping the other man into a shaky, upright position. Ryo handed over the Advil and a glass of water that Bikky had brought.

Ryo was glad he had asked Dr. Linden about mixing medications because he honestly didn’t know what he would do with Dee if he couldn’t have even taken a painkiller.

Dee swallowed the pill quickly before wincing again and lying down on his back.
Ryo ran a hand through Dee’s hair, rubbing at his temple gently, trying to ease some of the ache before he placed the cool cloth over Dee’s eyes and forehead.

“I want you to try and get some sleep, okay?” Ryo ordered gently. “I’ll stay with you until you fall asleep, then I need to go talk with Bikky; I think we both let our tempers get out of hand.”

Dee let out an affirmative mumble, already starting to nod off with the help of the cool cloth. Ryo began to thread fingers through Dee’s hair again until his noticed his partner’s breath evening out with sleep.

On his way to Bikky’s room, Ryo could only think about the splinter of memory Dee had seen. It worried Ryo beyond belief about what Dee could be remembering, because he had no clue what it could be.

‘What is haunting you, Dee?’ Ryo thought sadly knocking on Bikky’s door.

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