Fan Fiction / Harry Potter - Series Fan Fiction ❯ Harry vs. Voldemort: The theories ❯ Theory: The Star Wars crossover ( Chapter 2 )

[ Y - Young Adult: Not suitable for readers under 16 ]

Theory 2: The Star Wars approach.
 
Um, Star Wars Harry Potter
 
Harry: You will pay my Parent's murder, you fag!
 
Voldmort: [Maniacal laughter] Dumby never told you everything did, he?
 
Harry: Actually, come to think of it, Hagrid is the one who told me everything, but He told me enough! You killed them!
 
Voldmort: No, young Naïve Harry! I, um, ah, am your dad's best friend's best friend!
 
Harry: Which one? He had quite a few.
 
Voldemort: Um, yeah, I recall three of them.
 
Harry: Peter Pettigrew?
 
Voldemort: No, no, he was a numbskull, um, there was this gay guy who had a last name that reminded me of one of those fine b****** from Final Fantasy 7… and was a really dumb blonde, but I guess that was already known…
 
Harry: Final Fantasy what?
 
Voldemort: You never heard of it?
 
Harry: No.
 
Voldemort: That's just sad.
 
Harry: No its not! (T_T)
 
Voldemort: OH well. Let's do this from the top: No Harry, I am your mother's father's best friend's brother's mother's -
 
Harry: Couldn't you say `your mother's father's best friend's mother'?
 
Voldemort: I'm in the process of copying a world famous line, all right? Give me some slack. Ok. From the start [inhale] No Harry: I am your mother's father's best friend's brother's mother's brother's grand-father-
 
Harry: You mean you're even older than you look?
 
Voldemort: Let me finish this so your stupid friends can come in here and kill themselves with noodles, alright? Uhum. From the top: No Harry, I am your mother's father's best friend's brother's mother's brother's grand-father's best friend's mother.
 
Harry: WTF?
 
Voldemort: What, you ruined the moment with you stupid questions!
 
[Ron, Hermione, and Ginny run in]
 
Ron: Oy, king o' the fags! Right here!
 
[No response, and awkward silence]
 
Ron: Boy, I need a new catch phrase.
 
Everyone else: Hell yeah!
 
[Suddenly noodles come out of nowhere and impale Ron]
 
Everyone: YEAH!
 
Dumbledore: [In hell] Shit.
 
Voldemort: Oh well. [raises wand]
 
Harry: wait! I have a better idea!
 
[3 minutes later]
 
[Harry and Voldemort are on Mustafar and have Lightsabers]
 
Voldemort: Hell lot more better than killing your dumb@$$ friends.
 
Harry: Just wait one minute. [Turns to Ginny] You brought him to me! You betrayed me! [lifts up hand in force choke fashion] Uh, why isn't it working?
 
Voldemort: [whispers to Harry] You never learnt the ways of the force, did you?
 
Harry: No (T_T) Oh well. Die B****! [Avada Kadavra on Ginny]
 
Hermione: I'll just step this way now… [steps back.]
 
Harry: Now die!
 
Voldemort: No you die!
 
Harry: No, you!
 
Voldemort: No you!
 
Harry: No, you!
 
Voldemort: No you!
 
Harry: No, you!
 
Voldemort: No you!
 
Harry: No, you!
 
Voldemort: No you!
 
Harry: No, you!
 
Voldemort: No you!
 
Harry: No, you!
 
Voldemort: No you!
 
Harry: No, you!
 
Voldemort: No you!
 
Harry: No, you!
 
[continues for another hundred pages. Eventually, Voldmort kicks Harry's @$$, but trips off the platforms and fall into the lava]
 
[In hell]
 
Harry: Where the hell are we?
 
Ron: Kind of a rhetorical question since we are in hell.
 
Harry: Ron? Here? NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!