Fan Fiction / Utena, Revolutionary Girl Fan Fiction ❯ Revolutionary Gerudo Nabooru ❯ The Sunlit Garden - (Wait... WHO Plays Miki?!) ( Chapter 2 )

[ T - Teen: Not suitable for readers under 13 ]

(The theme song begins. All characters appear on a stage and start randomly shaking their butts)

She's a Sage who lives heroically and big pants are her style!
(Really big pink pants!)
This is what happens when you badly mix up game and anime!
She's Nabooru! Chick of the Revolution!

Zelda was this ultra popular video game series
For systems by Nintendo
A great fantasy RPG-thing
All about this weird place called Hyrule

And Utena's an awesome anime
About a girl who wears a boy's uniform
And fights to possess this soulless girl
Who has to do whatever someone tells her to!
(INCLUDING GROSS THINGS!)

So I messed it up, So I screwed it up
I mixed both them all up
And now you cannot even tell
Which is which!
Let's see if anyone can understand a word of this fic!
I don't think so!
I screwed it up too bad!

So who is the prince? Who is the prince? I can't tell you quite yet!
But I'll tell you something, you'll know it! BY THE END!
So enjoy this fic about sword fights at school and and evil-monkey-mice things!
She's Nabooru! Chick of the Revolution!

(GG runs across the screen with a poster board that has the episode name on it)

THE SUNLIT GARDEN- PRELUDE AND FINALE!


(Scene: The stupid elevator thing again.)

Louga: (voice) If it cannot break its shell, the chick will die without ever truly being born. But what I'm wondering is, how did that egg get there? It had to be laid by a chicken. But that chicken also had to hatch from an egg, and that egg had to be laid by a chicken, and that chicken had to- AGGH! Ah, whatever, just play the scene!

Student Council: (voices) WHICH CAME FIRST, THE CHICKEN OR THE EGG?

(Link and Zelda are playing badminton on the roof of the school. Ganondorf is sitting in a chair, going through the mail, and Rauru is pouting in a corner.)

Louga: That Nabootena has certainly proven herself to be quite the duelist.

Zuri: No kidding. She beat the pants off you, Rauonjii.

Rauonjii: ... Shut up, Zuri.

Giki: Let's see... one for Zuri, one for Louga, one for Rauonjii... one for me... OOH! A care package from Mommy!

(The other student council members stare at him)

Giki: ... (pulls out watch) That's been 10 seconds since you guys last stared at me like that.

Zuri: You and that stupid watch.

Giki: IT IS NOT STUPID, ZURI! SO THERE! (sticks out his tongue, continues going through the mail)

Louga: What's the score, Zuri?

Zuri: I lost track.

Louga: Oh. Rauonjii, what's the score?

Rauonjii: ALL RIGHT! THAT'S ENOUGH! Stop making fun of me because I lost to Nabootena!

Louga: What? I didn't say anything!

Rauonjii: GRRRR... AND YOU GUYS WONDER WHY I NEVER COME TO STUDENT COUNCIL MEETINGS!

Zuri: No we don't. I know why you don't. Because you wanted to be president.

Rauonjii: I AM OUTTA HERE! (stomps off)

Giki: (looks at watch) It only took him 4 minutes after the beginning of the meeting to leave here.

Zuri: I SAID enough with the watch, Giki.

Giki: You can't order me around, Zuri. You're the treasurer. If LOUGA were to tell me to stop, I would have to. But he didn't, and I don't, so I won't.

Zuri: The treasurer is above the secretary!

Giki: Is not!

Louga: Both of you shut up. Pay attention to the game, Zuri.

Giki: Oh look, a letter from End of the World!

Louga and Zuri: GASP!

Louga: Let me see! (grabs envelope, opens it up) Looks like End of the World wants us to have another duel by next Friday.

Giki: Really?

Zuri: Who's up?

Louga: I would know, if SOME PEOPLE would stop crossing out names on the dueling list.

Zuri: Can you blame us? No one wants to fight Nabootena. She's too good. And besides... she and Impthy have become best friends.

Giki: No one's that cruel.

Louga: Ugh... so I guess it's whoever challenges her next then, hmm?

Giki: Guess so.

Zuri: Not me. I hate dueling. I see no point in it.

Louga: But you will if End of the World tells you to.

Zuri: Why do we listen to that boob anyway? We don't even know who he is, all of a sudden he starts mailing us letters telling us to do things. What if he told you to cut off your head, Louga?

Louga: I would do that.

Zuri: How about if he told you to cut your lovely blond hair?

Louga: I'd do that, too. I trust End of the World.

Zuri: What if he told you... to take off that dumb hat you always wear?

Louga: WHAT?! (freaks out) NO! NO! HE CAN'T MAKE ME, I'LL NEVER DO IT! WAAA!

Giki: Calm down, Louga. It was a hypothetical question.

Zuri: That's right! For once Giki the Moron is right!

Giki: I am not a moron!

Zuri: Are too. So Giki... you haven't dueled in quite a while.

Giki: I hate dueling too. Sure, it's lots of action, but I don't see a real point to it either. I find it cruel and offensive to fight over poor Impthy like she was some sort of possession.

Zuri: You've only dueled once, right?

Giki: Yeah. And I never want to do it again!

Louga: Ugh... I guess I'LL have to go then. Rauonjii is in too bad of a mood to go again.

Zuri: No kidding. I heard he ate an entire bulk-size CASE of Ding-Dongs last night he was so depressed.

Louga: (whistles)

Giki: (pulls out stopwatch) That entire conversation about End of the World took 1 minute, and 13 seconds.

Zuri: AGGGH! ENOUGH WITH THE STOPWATCH! What did I tell you?

Giki: You're not the boss of me. Bleah. (sticks out tongue)

Zuri: Oh yeah? (grabs Ganondorf's watch and throws it over the side of the balcony)

Giki: MY WATCH! THAT WATCH WAS A BIRTHDAY PRESENT FROM MY TWIN SISTER KAZOO!

Louga: Relax, Giki. It was a Rolex stopwatch. It should survive the fall.

Zuri: (looks over side) Wow, I have a good arm. It landed all the way in the rose garden!

Giki: The girl's tennis team practices there! They're gonna crush it!

Louga: Don't worry, I see the reflective stripe. It's in that tree.

Giki: I MUST SAVE MY WATCH! (races to the elevator)

Zuri: That guy is a moron.

Louga: All that for a stupid watch?

Zuri: Look, now he's wrestling a squirrel for it.

(Scene: The garden. Ganondorf is wrestling a squirrel for his watch. We can hear faint music playing from the greenhouse.)

Giki: GIVE... ME... MY... WATCH! AHA! Take that, you stupid squirrel!

Squirrel: CHIP CHIP CHIRRRRRUP! (bites him)

Giki: OW! (accidentally drops watch onto the ground)

(After he removes the squirrel from his face, Ganondorf jumps down from the tree and picks it up, when suddenly...)

Giki: Huh? That music... it sounds so familiar...

(Someone is playing a harmonica inside the greenhouse)

Giki: I know that song! That's the Sunlit Garden! The song I used to play with my twin sister Kazoo in a duet with me on bagpipes and her on harmonica! But... who is playing that song?

(Suddenly, he hears chirping from the tree behind him, and an acorn flies over and hits him in the head)

Giki: OW! Stupid squirrel!

Squirrel: EEEP CHIP CHIRRRRP! (sticks tongue out at Ganondorf)

Giki: Yeah, same to you, Bucky! Now- (immediately calms down) that music...

(Ganondorf grabs the watch and steps towards the greenhouse, trying to see who is playing the music)

Giki: (wipes away water droplets on the glass, and peers inside, where he sees...)

Giki: GAAAAASP!

(Impa is inside the greenhouse, playing the Sunlit Garden on her harmonica. Ganondorf smiles blissfully and gets a look of extreme affection on his face)

Giki: ... Impthy Sheikahmiya... Knows the Sunlit Garden...

Impthy: (just playing the song on her harmonica)

Giki: But the only person who could play the harmonica like that... That well... was Kazoo!

(The camera turns to Impa, playing the song, and suddenly lots of pink floating hearts and birds appear in the greenhouse, and Impa is framed in a pink border of hearts and vines)

Giki: (cries happily) MY SHINING THING! I'VE FINALLY FOUND IT! THE THING THAT I LOST ALL THOSE YEARS AGO- THE THING THAT MAKES MY LIFE COMPLETE! I'VE FOUND IT AGAIN! IMPTHY SHEIKAHMIYA IS MY SHINING THING! I BURN! I PINE! In... (checks his watch) MY ENTIRE LIFE, I have never seen a more beautiful, perfect creature! I WORSHIP THE GROUND YOU WALK ON, MY BEAUTIFUL IMPTHY SHEIKAHMIYA!

(A/N: No, I did not make this up just so I could put in a Ganondorf/Impa relationship! LOL... Miki on the show really does love Anthy. That is, of course, why I cast Ganondorf as Miki. Besides, there was no one else to be him. ^_^)

Giki: I must talk to her! I've got to! (races inside the greenhouse)

Impthy: (stop playing) Oh, hello Mr. Giki! How are you?

Giki: Wonderful... Impthy, all the times I've seen you around campus, I've never seen you play the harmonica like that... you're spectacular!

Impthy: Oh, thank you Mr. Giki. I love to play the harmonica...

Giki: And... I've never noticed how beautiful you were...

Impthy: Oh? Thank you, Mr. Giki... But I'm afraid I have to go...

Giki: Huh? Why?

Impthy: I am supposed to meet Nabootena back in the dorm, we're cooking curry for dinner tonight!

Giki: But it's only 3:00.

Impthy: Oh... Mr. Giki, I'm afraid I haven't been quite honest with you. I cannot talk to you unless Nabootena says I can. We're engaged, she's the dueling champion.

Giki: But- I just want to talk! As friends!

Impthy: Well... Let me ask Nabootena. Goodbye, Mr. Giki.

(She walks away. Ganondorf bursts into tears)

Giki: OH ANTHY, MY GLORY, MY SHINING THING! I LOVE YOU SO MUCH! WAAAAA!

(Scene: The other side of the school, at that second. Ruto is walking down the hall. She is wearing a girl's uniform, and a blonde wig is plastered to her head.)

Rutanami: Oh la dee da dee da... it's such a beautiful day! And I, Rutanami, am making it even more beautiful!

(Ruto sees Impa walking along the path to the East Dorm. Suddenly, a group of three girls appear, and corner her.)

Impthy: Hello. I'm sorry, but I'm in a hurry, and-

Sound FX Guy: SLAP!

(One of the girls slaps her)

Impthy: Oh! Ouch! (grabs her cheek in pain)

Girl #1: That's for taking our Miss Nabootena away from us!

Girl #2: Ever since you got engaged to her as the school champion, she hasn't been her usual self!

Girl #3: You're a weirdo, Impthy! We hate you! You suck!

Sound FX Guy: SLAP!

Impthy: Ouch! Stop it, please! I don't know what you're talking about!

Rutanami: Oh, aren't you Impthy Sheikahmiya? The Rose Bride?

Impthy: Yes... and you're Rutanami- the Student Council President's sister?

Rutanami: That's right. (slaps her)

Impthy: Ouch!

Rutanami: That's for making my big brother upset! He hasn't been the same since your stupid Nabootena won you in the duel! How dare you make my big brother angry? (slaps her again)

Impthy: Please, leave me alone!

(Three Stooges-style slap scene)

Louga: HEY! What's going on here?

Girls 1, 2, 3: AGH! It's LOUGA! (run off)

Rutanami: Oh! Big Brother! (throws arms around him) I've missed you SO MUCH, big brother! It's been too long! (kisses him on the cheek)

Louga: Rutanami, what are you doing to Impthy?

Rutanami: Oh, big brother! She's being mean to me!

Impthy: I- I have not!

Louga: Rutanami, you do not touch her! Have you forgotten who she is?

Rutanami: She's the stupid Rose Bride! And she's all you care about! What about ME?! ME?! ME, BIG BROTHER?! Your SISTER! I LOVE YOU SO MUCH BIG BROTHER!

Louga: All right, all right, CUT! STOP THE SCENE! (out of character) Ruto, what the hell are you doing? Louga is your BROTHER. You can't be throwing yourself all over me like that, it's just GROSS! INCEST, or something!

Ruto: Haven't you seen the show, Linky-Poo?

Link: Uh... no.

Ruto: Nanami's all HOT for her brother! She's a psycho woman who's got a thang for her brother! She wants to hug him, and kiss him, and hold him... Why do you think I wanted the part?

Link: Oh, SICK! That's DISGUSTING!

Impa: Sorry Link, that's the character for you.

Link: (grumbling) Fine, start scene...

Louga: Rutanami, I don't know what you're talking about. Now leave Miss Sheikahmiya ALONE. You hear me?

Rutanami: (grumbles) Yes, big brother...

Impthy: I'm sorry, Mr. Louga... I'm sorry, Miss Rutanami...

Louga: You've done nothing wrong, Impthy. Now go ahead about your business.

(Impa and Link walk away, Ruto looks furious)

Rutanami: Who does SHE THINK SHE IS?! Keeping me away from my BIG BROTHER?! I hate you, Impthy Sheikahmiya! And I will have revenge on you, if it's the last thing I ever do!

(she stomps off)

(Scene: The East Dorm. Impa arrives home to find Nabooru struggling with her homework)

Impthy: Nabootena, I'm back!

Nabootena: Oh, hi Impthy! How was your day?

Impthy: It was quite pleasant. I met a nice young man today...

Nabootena: Oh really? Who?

Impthy: His name is Giki. He's the Student Council Secretary.

Nabootena: Giki? Oh, he's such a nice guy! That stopwatch gets a bit annoying, but... GIKI! That's right, I almost forgot! I've been having trouble in math, so I asked him to come over on Saturday night and tutor me.

Impthy: I told him I could not talk to him because you didn't tell me to, Nabootena.

Nabootena: What? Impthy, what did I tell you? You can talk to anyone you want! You can DO whatever you want! I told you, I don't want to be your master. I want to be your friend. And I want to start undoing the damage all this Rose-Bride crap has done to you. You're going to be a regular girl again, Impthy.

Impthy: Oh, really Nabootena?

Nabootena: Yes! You don't have any friends now, Impthy. I want to change that.

Impthy: I have friends.

Nabootena: I haven't seen any. Everyone is afraid of you because you're the Rose Bride. Well, when I'm done, they'll all know the REAL Impthy, the one who loves to clean and write poetry. The one who is my friend!

Impthy: I'd be normal? Like you and your friends?

Nabootena: Yes! You want to be normal, right? You want to have friends and boyfriends and talk to whoever you'd like.

Impthy: Oh yes, Nabootena! So I may talk to Giki?

Nabootena: Giki? You can talk to the wall for all I care.

Impthy: (grins) Thank you, Nabootena! I am also having trouble in math, so can I come to the tutoring session too?

Nabootena: Of course! And... Impthy?

Impthy: Yes?

Nabootena: Could you get your pet mouse off of my pencil?

(Nabooru holds up her pencil and we see a little monkey/mouse type creature. He has sharp teeth and a little necktie)

Impthy: Oh! Nachu!

Nabootena: Bless you.

Impthy: No, this is my friend Nachu! I told you I had other friends.

Nachu: NACHU! NACHU! (Navi removes the head of the Nachu suit) BLEAH! It's like a million degrees in here!

Nabooru: (out of character) Come on Navi, that's the part you wanted, so put the mask back on.

Navi: Easy for you to say! You get to have fresh air! And I only got this part because I was the only one who could fit in the suit. I should sue them for typecasting me as the cute little sidekick.

Impa: Navi...

Navi: All right, all RIIIIGHT. (puts mask back on) NACHU! NACHU!

Nabootena: Awww... he's like Pikachu... in a scary evil demon sort of way.

Impthy: Shall I cook our curry now, Nabootena?

Nabootena: Nah, I'm not that hungry. Go ahead and take a walk or something. I'll cook dinner when I'm done with this homework.

Impthy: Oh. OK, Nabootena!

(Impa skips off blankly all through the halls of the school, until she reaches the music room. We can hear someone playing the bagpipes inside)

Impthy: (knocks on door) Hello? Is anyone in there?

Voice: Huh? Who is it?

(Ganondorf opens the door and nearly has a heart attack when he sees Impa there)

Giki: Oh! Miss Sheikahmiya! I didn't know you were here...

Impthy: Giki, Nabootena says that I may talk to whomever I'd like! And she also says that you're going to help the two of us with our math!

Giki: That's right! And I'm glad that you want to talk to me now. Well, why don't you come on in?

(Suddenly...)

Sound FX Guy: BONK!

(An acorn hits Ganondorf in the head. He rubs his head in pain and turns around to see Bucky the Squirrel staring at him menacingly through the window)

Bucky: CHIP CHIRP CHIIIIIRUP!

Impthy: Oh! How cute!

Giki: (mouthing) I'll deal with you LATER... BUCKY!

Bucky: (in squirrel language) **You suck royally, human. I will have the watch! Oh yes! I will!**

(Scene: The music room. Ganondorf is playing the bagpipes, and Impa is sitting politely talking to him.)

Impthy: You play the bagpipes very well, Giki.

Giki: Aw, thanks. I've been playing ever since I was a little kid. My twin sister Kazoo and I used to be the best musicians in the whole desert. We wrote this song called "The Sunlit Garden" and we used to play it for our parents. Kazoo played the harmonica, like you do.

Impthy: I would like to hear about that, Giki.

Giki: Oh. Well... it's a really long story... But I'll tell you why I love girls who play the harmonica.

(The story. The scene is a small courtyard in Gerudo fortress, and you see two of those weird silhouette things with hair and clothes sitting on two stools playing the bagpipes and the harmonica. One looks like a young version of Ganondorf, the other is a Gerudo girl with dark blue hair.)

Giki: (voice) Kazoo and I used to sit in the improvisational desert "garden" all day long and make up new duets for bagpipes and harmonicas. We were together all the time, because we were twins of course. We had all sorts of stresses and things to deal with... I'm the future king of Gerudo Valley, so I often was called away to go oversee wars and stuff like that. But when Kazoo and I were in the "garden", nothing could ever bother us...

(The two weird silhouette things are standing in front of two other silhouette things that have got to be their parents)

Giki's Mom: Oh, you two play such beautiful music together...

Giki's Dad: That's right. You know what, the Hyrule-Wide Annual Concert is coming up. Would you guys like me to enter you so you could play for EVERYONE?

Young Giki: Oh yes!

Kazoo: That would be SO COOL!

Giki: (adult again, voice) So we were scheduled to be in the concert... only... the day before the concert, when we were out playing, I accidentally ate a poisonous desert frog. I got really sick, and...

Strange Shadow Silhouette Doctor: He's going to be all right. But I'm afraid he's got to stay in bed the next few days.

Giki's Mom: Thank you, doctor...

Giki's Dad: We'll be sure to take good care of him.

Young Giki: But... the concert! Tonight! I have to play at the- (spins around, vomits)

Kazoo: But Mommy! Daddy! I-

Giki's Mom: Kazoo, don't argue with the doctor. You'll just have to play by yourself.

Kazoo: But Mom!

Young Giki: Yeah, Mom! I can't just- (vomits, gets purple spots)

Giki: (voice) So, I stayed in bed, and Kazoo went to the concert... and failed miserably. You see, Kazoo hated performing in front of large groups of people by herself. The only reason she even felt confident enough to do the concert is because I was going to be there with her... she was so embarrassed, she never played the harmonica again.

Impthy: Oh, how sad!

Giki: Yeah... And no matter what I did, I couldn't convince her to play with me again. So I've started a solo career, I guess. (plays "Yesterday" on the bagpipes)

Impthy: ... Giki?

Giki: Yeah?

Impthy: I'll play with you.

Giki: (eyes tear up, looking blissful) ... REALLY?!

Impthy: I'd love to. You're very nice, Giki.

(Ganondorf can't seem to hear her. He seems to be having some kind of delirious dream sequence. Little hearts and flowers and such appear around Impthy again. "I'm a Believer" by the Monkees plays over and over again)

Impthy: Giki?

Giki: My shining thing... I've found it again!

Impthy: Uh...

Giki: The shining thing in my life before was playing music with my sister... But I lost it when I ate that oddly colored frog and started having all those creepy dream sequences... But Impthy... I've found it again, Impthy! You're my shining thing!

Impthy: Oh... that again? (Impa checks her shirt) Hey, wait a sec- I'm not shining right NOW.

Giki: Er- I mean, not LITERALLY.

Impthy: Oh. Well don't say things like that! Last time someone told me I was a shining thing, the Sword of Lios was sticking out of my-

Giki: Sword of- IMPTHY! You're the Rose Bride!

Impthy: Uh... duh. I thought you knew that. You've even dueled before.

Giki: Oh no- How could I have been so STUPID?! You're engaged to Nabootena, because she's the school champion... Oh Impthy, I'm sorry! You must think I'm a real moron! I can't believe me- Student Council Secretary- HITTING ON THE ROSE BRIDE! AGGH!

Impthy: Giki- Nabootena told me that I should try to make new friends.

Giki: (sobbing) I CAN NEVER HAVE YOU, IMPTHY! WE CAN NEVER BE TOGETHER! BECAUSE THE CURSE! THAT DREADFUL, HORRIBLE ROSE BRIDE TRIFORCE CURSE ON YOU, MY BELOVED! WAAAA-

Impthy: (smacks him) Giki! Shut up!

Giki: (whimpering)

Impthy: Giki, I'll still play music with you. It's not a big deal.

Giki: Really? And Nabootena- Won't get mad?

Impthy: Why would she? I'll tell her I've made a new-

Giki: No! Impthy- You can't tell Nabootena about this.

Impthy: Why not?

Giki: Because! I don't know her very well... she seems nice, but... she might be jealous. You see- The duelists aren't supposed to share the Rose Bride... and that might include playing music with her. Nabootena could mention it to Louga- And he'll get one or both of us expelled for breaking the rules.

Impthy: Nabootena would never do that.

Giki: It's not Nabootena I'm worried about- The others. Zuri and Louga and Rauonjii would never understand... they live by this stupid dueling game's rules. I'm the only one who really doesn't care. Zuri pretends. But you know, she only does that to make Malori jealous for some strange reason you'll find out later and so I won't elaborate on it now.

Impthy: Oh... OK, Giki. But you understand if Nabootena asks about us, I'm going to tell her.

Giki: That's all right... but don't tell anyone else.

Impthy: Cross my heart!

Giki: (grins) OK, let's play the Sunlit Garden now... BONK!

(Bucky has broken into the music room, and has a whole handful of acorns to throw at Ganondorf)

Giki: YOU! It's only been... (checks watch) 40 minutes and 6 seconds since you last hit me with a nut! You can't take my watch, you little cretin!

Impthy: Uh... Giki? You're strange.

Giki: In a second, Impthy! YOU GET BACK HERE, BOYEEEE!

Bucky: (screeching, translated from squirrel language) **You will die by my hands, human scum! I, Bucky, Lord of the Squirrels shall use your watch to reconfigure the internal mechanics of a pop machine into a ray gun to transform you disgusting hairless apes into SQUIRRELS! AND I SHALL OVERTAKE THE WORLD!**

Giki: (I guess he speaks squirrel, or something...) TAKE THAT BACK, YOU EVIL HELLION! AAGGH, DIEEE!

(Ganondorf chases Bucky around the music room, and Impa rolls her eyes)

@-->---- @-->---- @-->---- @-->---- @-->---- @-->---- @-->----

(OH NO! NOT THE... SHADOW PLAY!!!)

(Scene: The shadow play stage)

S-ko: (playing a saxophone) Look! Look at me! I can play "Smoke on the Water"!

G-ko: (Song of Storms again) MUSIC BOX! MUSIC BOX!

T-ko: Tingle likes his tuba best! Kooloo-Limpah! Kooloo-Limpah!

S-ko: But wait- where's your instrument?

M-ko: (off screen) I don't play that instrument anymore! I hate music!

G-ko: HATE MUSIC?! HATE MUSIC?!

T-ko: But that was an accident! Kooloo-Limpah! Kooloo-Limpah!

S-ko: You can't just stop forever now!

M-ko: Want to bet? Look at this!

(He's got his French horn stuck on his head)

G-ko: THAT'S SO SAD! THAT'S SO SAD!

S-ko: But it used to make you so happy! What will make you happy now?

M-ko: I don't know... Do you know?

All: DO YOU KNOW?! DO YOU KNOW?! DO YOU REALLY, REALLY KNOW?!?!?

@-->---- @-->---- @-->---- @-->---- @-->---- @-->---- @-->----

(... I know, I hate it too.)

(Scene: Later that week. Soon before Ganondorf is supposed to tutor Nabooru and Impa. Nabooru is cleaning up their room, and Impa is cooking dinner with Nachu.)

Nabootena: You've certainly been gone a lot lately, Impthy.

Impthy: I've been in the music room with Giki.

Nabootena: Hm?

Impthy: Giki loves my harmonica skills. He says I'm his shining thing. And we like to play music together.

Nabootena: That's cool.

Impthy: Yes!

Nabootena: Giki should be here soon. What are you cooking?

Impthy: My world-famous curry!

Nabootena: All right! My favorite!

(There is a knock at the door)

Nabootena: Oh! That must be him. I'll let him in.

(Nabooru runs to the door and pushes it open. Ganondorf is waiting there, holding a huge stack of math books)

Nabootena: Hi, Giki!

Giki: Hi, Nabootena. Is Impthy here?

Nabootena: Yeah, she's finishing up with dinner. We can eat while we work, can't we?

Giki: Sure. So, uh... You need help with fractions, right?

Nabootena: Right. Well... don't just stand there. Come on in! It's all right.

Giki: Uh, OK... (BONK!)

(Bucky sits in a tree, holding a acorn grenade launcher)

Giki: I'll deal with you LATER, SQUIRREL!

Nabootena: (raises eyebrows, shut door)

(Scene: A couple hours later, outside Nabooru and Impa's dorm. Ruto is walking about, when she hears voices coming from inside the dorm)

Rutanami: Hmmm... hey! That's Giki! The Student Council Secretary!

(Ruto peers through the window, and sees Ganondorf, Impa, and Nabooru working on homework at a small table. Nachu is trying to eat their pencils)

Rutanami: That traitor! What does he think he's doing, sitting in there with HER? And that stupid Nabootena! I hate them both... Wait- Maybe... MAYBE he's trying to keep Impthy away from my big brother for me! That would be ever so wonderful! I'd better listen.

Giki: Impthy, that was the best curry I've ever had!

Nabootena: Yeah Impthy, that was really great.

Impthy: Thank you!

Rutanami: I don't believe it! He's in there... HELPING them! The two of them- Nabootena and Impthy- They're in it to keep my brother away from me! And they're using Giki as bait! They'll show Giki how wonderful Impthy is, and then he'll tell Louga, and... OH NO! I can't let them do that! I've got to think of something!

(She thinks for a minute)

Rutanami: I've got it... Ha! I'll go in there with my special prank box... and I'll make both Nabootena AND Giki think that Impthy is the freak that she is! Then Giki won't tell Louga she's wonderful, and he won't talk to her instead of me, and then I can make my move! AHAHAHAHAHA! RUTANAMI, YOU'RE A GENIUS!

(Scene: inside the dorm. Ganondorf is explaining the homework to Nabooru and Impa, who are nodding appreciatively.)

Giki: You see, if you're adding fractions, all you need to do is add the top to the top, and the bottom to the bottom. Then simplify it. Get it?

Nabootena: Yeah! That makes much more sense than the teacher said.

Impthy: I understand!

Sound FX Guy: KNOCKKNOCKKNOCK!

Nabootena: Oh! Someone's at the door! I'll go get it.

(Nabooru walks to the door and opens it to find Ruto standing there, holding a big black purse and looking innocent)

Nabootena: Oh... hi, Rutanami. (rolls eyes)

Rutanami: HI NABOOTENA! I couldn't help but overhear what you were doing in here, and I thought, "Well, I could certainly use some help with my linear equations too!"

Nabootena: We're doing fractions.

Rutanami: That's what I SAID. Well anyway, I'd like to get some tutoring too! Could I come in?

Nabootena: Well, I would let you in Rutanami, but we're a little short on space. How about I ask Giki to-

Rutanami: Oh, thanks Nabootena! You're a doll!

(Ruto races into the room, and parks it right where Nabooru was sitting. Impa and Ganondorf give her confused looks)

Rutanami: ALL RIGHT! Let's get the lesson started!

Giki: Rutanami, we WERE started.

Nabootena: (grumbles, sits down on the floor next to Impa and Ruto.)

Rutanami: (thinking to herself) This is PERFECT! Now, for my ultra-super-nasty plan...

(She reaches into the black bag behind her as Ganondorf continues the lesson. She pulls out single snail with a pair of tweezers.)

Rutanami: (thinking) What will happen is this:

Rutanami: Oh, Impthy, could I borrow your pencil box?

(Ruto takes the box from her, and opens it, when...)

Rutanami: AGGGGGHHHH! THERE'S A LIVE SNAIL IN HER PENCIL BOX! She keeps a LIVE SNAIL in her pencil box!

Giki: Why, Miss Sheikahmiya! I was SO TOTALLY wrong about you!

Nabootena: What the heck is up with you?!

Giki: You freak!

Nabootena: You're creepy!

Rutanami: That's right! Impthy Sheikahmiya is a big, fat WEIRDO who keeps a live snail in her pencil box!

Rutanami: (thinking to herself) At least... I THINK that's what will happen. I call it: Operation Impthy Sheikahmiya's A Big Fat Weirdo Who Keeps A Live Snail In Her Pencil Box!

Giki: And then you divide the numerators, and that gets you-

Rutanami: Oh, Impthy, could I borrow your pencil box?

Impthy: Certainly.

(Ruto takes the box and opens it, ready to put the snail inside, when...)

Rutanami: Huh? AAGGGGHHHH!

(The pencil box is FULL of snails!)

Rutanami: THERE ARE SNAILS IN HER PENCIL BOX! AAGGGGHHHHH!

Impthy: Oh! I'm sorry, Miss Rutanami! I forgot, that's the wrong pencil box. This is the one where I keep my friends!

Nabootena: Snails in her pencil box? Impthy, you never cease to amaze me!

Giki: I think it's cute! It's just like Impthy to put snails in her pencil box!

Impthy: (grinning, puts the snails back inside) Here you go Jennifer, Courtney, Lisa, Monica, Rachel, and Phoebe! Sleep tight!

Giki: Let's get back to the lesson now, shall we?

Nabootena: OK!

Rutanami: (furious, looking around shiftily, thinking to herself) Hmmph! Well, then it's time for Plan B!

(She reaches back into her bag and pulls out a snake with a pair of gloves)

Rutanami: (thinking to herself) What I think will happen is this:

Rutanami: Oh, Impthy, could I borrow a pencil from your dresser drawer?

(She stands up, and sneaks over to the drawer. She opens it, when...)

Rutanami: EEEEK! LOOK! SHE HAS A LIVE SNAKE IN HER DRAWER! AGGGHHH! A LIVE SNAKE!

Giki: Why, Miss Sheikahmiya! I was SO TOTALLY wrong about you!

Nabootena: What the heck is up with you?!

Giki: You freak!

Nabootena: You're creepy!

Rutanami: That's right everyone! Impthy Sheikahmiya is a big fat weirdo who keeps a live snake in her drawer!

Rutanami: (thinking to herself) At least, I THINK that's what will happen. I call it "Operation Impthy Sheikahmiya Is A Big Fat Weirdo Who Keeps A Live Snake In Her Drawer"!

Giki: ... and after that, all you have to do is divide by pi and divide that number by two, and then you have the radius of the-

Rutanami: Oh, Impthy, could I borrow a pencil from your dresser drawer?

Impthy: I have one right here, Rut-

Rutanami: No, no, I want to look at your dresser drawer.

(She runs over to the dresser, and Ganondorf, Impa and Nabooru give her weird looks)

(She opens the drawer and slips the snake inside, getting ready to open it again, when...)

Snake: GAAAAH!

Other Thing: EEEPPPPPEEEEPPPEEEEEEP!

Rutanami: Huh? AAGGH! THERE'S A MONGOOSE IN HER DRAWER!

(The mongoose jumps up and bites the head right off of Ruto's snake)

Impthy: Uh oh! Mr. Mongoose, I'm sorry! I forgot to cook you dinner tonight!

Nabootena: A mongoose in your dresser? Impthy, you never cease to amaze me!

Giki: I think it's cute! It's just like Impthy to keep a mongoose in her drawer!

Impthy: I found him on the road with a broken leg, so I brought him back to health and now he lives in my drawer! Come on Mr. Mongoose. Let's go back in the drawer now!

Rutanami: (thinking) A MONGOOSE?! AAGH! It took me SIX HOURS to catch that snake... No matter! I was really hoping I wouldn't have to do this one, but she's asking for it! It's time for Plan C!

(Rutanami reaches behind her and pulls a creepy, slimy, wiggly, LIVE Octopus monster.)

Rutanami: (thinking) This time, Impthy Sheikahmiya is going DOWN! What I think will happen is this:

Rutanami: Oops! Look Impthy, I've spilled something on my jacket! May I borrow one of yours from the closet?

(She sneaks to the closet and opens it, and...)

Rutanami: AAAGGGGH! LOOOOK! THERE IS A LIVE OCTOPUS MONSTER IN HER CLOSET! AAAAGGGHHHH!

Giki: Miss Sheikahmiya! I was SO TOTALLY wrong about you!

Nabootena: What the heck is up with you?

Giki: You freak!

Nabootena: You're creepy!

Rutanami: That's right everyone! Impthy Sheikahmiya is a big fat weirdo who keeps a live octopus monster in her closet!

Rutanami: (thinking) Er... at least, I think that's what will happen. Watch out, Impthy! There's no way you're going to avoid this one! I call it "Operation Impthy Sheikahmiya's A Big Fat Weirdo Who Keeps A Live Octopus Monster In Her Closet!"

(Ruto listens to Ganondorf for a few minutes and then spills a leftover bowl of curry on herself)

Rutanami: Oops! Look Impthy, I've spilled something on my jacket! May I borrow one of yours from the closet?

Impthy: Oh, I'm sorry Rutanami! You can use my jacket on the bed!

Rutanami: No, no, I have to go to the closet!

(Nabooru and Ganondorf raise their eyebrows, and Ruto sneaks over to the closet and opens it, when...)

Nabootena: AAGH! RUTANAMI, THERE'S A GIANT OCTOPUS MONSTER BEHIND YOU!

Rutanami: What?

Giki: WHOA! Don't move a muscle, Rutanami!

Impthy: Oh my goodness!

Nabootena: I'll take care of it! (grabs a huge pole from against the wall)

Rutanami: Huh? Wha- AGGGGHHHHH!

(Nabooru leaps on Ruto and starts beating the octopus monster with the pole. We hear screams of pain and frustrated yells.)

(Scene: The dorm, a little later. Ruto has given up her crusade, and Impa comes out of the kitchen with four bowls of something)

Impthy: Here everyone! I've made some shaved ice for you!

Nabootena: Ooh, shaved ice!

Giki: I've never had it before... what is it?

Impthy: It's ice with juice mixed in so it tastes fruity!

Rutanami: What... what is this?

Impthy: It's dessert.

(They all start eating their shaved ice)

Impthy: Try mixing the cherry juice with the lemon juice. It's delicious!

Giki: You're right! Impthy, this is great!

Nabootena: Yeah, my compliments to the chef!

Rutanami: (grumbling) I... don't... get it...

Giki: What?

Rutanami: (stands up screaming) WHAT'S THE MATTER WITH YOU PEOPLE!? WHY DO YOU LIKE HER SO MUCH?!?!?!

Nabootena: Rutanami, what-

Rutanami: HER! IMPTHY! WHY DO YOU ALL THINK SHE'S SO COOL!?! SHE'S A WEIRDO! SHE KEEPS SNAILS IN HER PENCIL BOX AND MONGOOSES... er, MONGEESE... AAGGH! SHE KEEPS ANIMALS IN HER ROOM! AND... THAT THING! (points at Nachu)

Nachu: NACHU! NACHU! (Navi takes off mask, panting for air, then puts it on again)

Impthy: Why, Miss Rutanami, I-

Rutanami: YOU SHUT UP! I HATE YOU, IMPTHY! WHY DO YOU GUYS THINK SHE'S SO COOL!? YOU'RE A FREAK, AND I'M NOT GOING TO LET YOU TAKE MY BIG BROTHER AWAY FROM ME!

Nabootena: That's ENOUGH, Rutanami! Get out of here!

Rutanami: Gladly! Who in their right minds eats SHAVED... ICE for dessert?!

(She grabs her bag and stomps out the door, slamming it shut. Impa looks very hurt.)

Impthy: I... I didn't know she...

Giki: (stands up) Yeah? Well who cares what SHE thinks?! I think your shaved ice is delicious, Impthy.

Nabootena: She's just jealous because you have friends and she doesn't.

Impthy: ... I DIDN'T KNOW SHE WAS SO PMS-Y! Good GRIEF! What did I ever do to her?

Nabootena: (pauses) Whoa- Impthy, better calm down there-

Impthy: ... Oh... OK, you're right... (takes deep breath) Thank you for tutoring me, Giki. But I am rather tired... I think I'll go to bed.

(From outside)

Rutanami: OW! OW! WHAT THE- THIS SQUIRREL IS THROWING NUTS AT ME WITH A GRENADE LAUNCHER! AAAGGGH!

Nabootena: Yeah, it is getting late.

(You see Ruto running back and forth in front of the window, banging on it and begging for relief from the evil squirrel, who is hitting her with his acorn grenade launcher)

Giki: All right. You're very welcome Impthy. Thanks for dinner and dessert. I'll see you guys tomorrow, all right?

(Ganondorf grabs his stuff and walks out)

Rutanami: GIKI! GIKI! HEEEEEELP MEEEEEE- OW! STOP IT! OW! OW-

Impthy: Nabootena... about what Rutanami said...

Nabootena: She's a freak, Impthy. Don't listen to her.

Impthy: She's not a freak. Maybe jealous, but it's not kind to say things like that about people.

Nabootena: Why don't you tell her that?!

(Ruto races up to the window and bangs on it desperately, screaming for help. Finally, a big acorn hits her and she slides down the window unconscious, landing in the garden.)

Impthy: Nabootena- What is she...

Nabootena: Shh... don't ask, Impthy... Don't even ask...

(Scene: The next day, the music room. Ganondorf is exiting right after practicing his bagpipes alone, when he crashes into someone)

Giki: Oh! I'm sorry!

(He leans down to pick up their books, and he notices a score for "The Sunlit Garden")

Giki: Huh?

Kazoo: Hello, Giki.

(Ganondorf looks up, and sees his twin sister standing there.)

Giki: Oh, hi Kazoo. How's it going?

Kazoo: Oh, the usual...

Giki: Sorry about that. Here's your stuff. (Hands it to her)

Kazoo: Well... I'd better get going.

Giki: I saw... that you had the score for...

Kazoo: (raises her eyebrows) Don't get too excited, Giki. I'm only carrying it around for posterity. I was serious when I said I'd never play again.

Giki: Kazoo, it was almost 8 years ago.

Kazoo: I don't care. That was the most humiliating thing I've ever done! And don't go blabbing on to me about how much you loved playing with me. It's not going to change my mind.

Giki: I wasn't going to say anything like that. I wanted to know your score for the SCIENCE quiz.

Kazoo: Oh. 85. Why?

Giki: Just wondering... (shrugs, walks away) And besides, I already have another person to play with...

Kazoo: WHAT?! Who?

Giki: Impthy Sheikahmiya! She's the most beautiful girl the whole world!

Kazoo: I've heard she's a freak.

Giki: SHUT UP! She is not!

Kazoo: Why can't you ever like NORMAL girls?! It's just a dumb crush, Giki.

Giki: It is not! I... I love her! And I'm going to go tell her that, too!

(He marches away triumphantly and comes to the school courtyard, where Impa is eating lunch, waiting for Nabooru.)

Giki: Hi, Impthy.

Impthy: Oh, hello Giki! I got a 97 on my math test! You're the best teacher ever!

Giki: Aw... heh heh, thanks... listen, Impthy...

Impthy: Yes?

Giki: I... you know, we've been talking a lot lately. And I know I never really paid much attention to you since I found out that you play the harmonica... but... You're a really nice girl.

Impthy: Oh, thank you.

Giki: That's not all. We've become really good friends... But I think... I think I want to be more than friends... if you know... what I mean.

Impthy: Oh?

Giki: You're a really special girl, Impthy.

Impthy: Oh... (blushes) Giki... I... I'm sorry Giki, but I can't.

Giki: What?

Impthy: I am the Rose Bride, Giki. I am engaged to Miss Nabootena because she is the school champion. I must do what she says. And it is against school rules for the Rose Bride to associate with duelists who are not the school champion.

Giki: Impthy- no, no, that's not the rule, the rule is that you can't-

Impthy: I can't see you unless Miss Nabootena says I can.

Giki: (turns red) Impthy... I'm getting really sick of hearing about Miss Nabootena all the time!

Impthy: I'm sorry Mr. Giki, but I am engaged to her.

Giki: Don't call me mister! Impthy, you're not listening to me! I really, REALLY like you Impthy!

Impthy: I'm sorry, Giki. But Nabootena is the only one I may... associate with like that. And she says she doesn't swing that way, so...

Giki: Whaa? WHOA! Hey, that is not AT ALL what I'm talking about, Impthy! And what do you mean, she's the only one?

Impthy: I already told you. I'm engaged to her as the Rose Bride! She is my master.

Giki: (turns even redder) MMPH! Impthy, she is not! YOU'RE your master!

Impthy: Nabootena is my master. I must do what she says.

Giki: You don't have your own free will AT ALL?! You can't talk to who you want or do what you want?

Impthy: Not unless Nabootena says I can.

Giki: ENOUGH ABOUT HER! What if she told you to run out into the street and get hit by a car?

Impthy: I would do it for Nabootena.

Giki: (upset) What if she told you to cut off your own head?

Impthy: I would have to.

Giki: (genuinely enraged) And what if she- What if she told you to stop playing the harmonica?

Impthy: I imagine I would be very sad, because I love it so much... But I would give it up for Nabootena.

Giki: (pauses, bursts out) Impthy! Listen to me! YOU... ARE... A... SLAVE! You can't keep going like this! No one should have control over ANYONE like that! It's not right!

Impthy: Yes, it is.

Giki: No it isn't, Impthy! Who told you it was?

Impthy: No one had to tell me. I'm the Rose Bride, that's my fate.

Giki: It shouldn't be! Impthy, you should be free! What does Nabootena say about that!? Huh?

Impthy: Giki, please don't shout...

Giki: She's keeping you a slave, Impthy. A... SLAVE! And I'm not going to sit by and watch it, either!

(Nabooru is walking across the courtyard towards Impa's table, when suddenly, Ganondorf runs over to her and pushes her onto the ground)

Nabootena: OW! Giki, what gives?!

Giki: You can't keep Impthy a slave anymore, Nabootena Gerudo! I will NOT stand by while you destroy her like that!

Nabootena: Giki? What the hell are you talking about?!

Giki: After all these years of missing it, I've found my shining thing again! And now I may have to lose it again, FOREVER! To YOU, Nabootena! NOTHING is going to stand in my way of being happy with Impthy! Not the school rules, not my job as student council... and not YOU.

Nabootena: Giki, you're not making any sense.

Giki: I challenge you to a duel, Nabootena! I WILL NOT LOSE HER AGAIN! You may want to be a prince, Nabootena, but right now you're nothing but a king! An evil, oppressive king! Keeping her trapped like a bird in cage! I'm going to show you what being a prince is truly about! I'm going to save her! I'm going to take her away from you, and set her free!

Nabootena: Who? Impthy?! Giki, you can't protect her from Rauonjii and the others!

Giki: I don't care about Rauonjii! YOU'RE the one she needs to be protected from Nabootena! And no one else seems to want to do the job, so looks like I'M going to be the one to do it! See you at the duel arena at 4:00, Nabootena!

(He stomps off angrily, on the way being hit by an acorn from a nearby tree)

Giki: OW! I AM NOT IN THE MOOD, BUCKY!

Nabootena: (stands up, brushes herself off) What was THAT all about?!

Impthy: Miss Nabootena! Are you all right?

Nabootena: Yeah... Impthy, what's the matter with Giki?

Impthy: He told me that he liked me.

Nabootena: And... that's why he started smacking me around and accusing me of keeping you a slave?

Impthy: I told him that I was not allowed to do the bidding of anyone but the champion of the duels.

Nabootena: WHA!? He asked you-

Impthy: No, actually he didn't. But I told him that you would not like it if we became romantically involved.

Nabootena: IMPTHYYYYY! (smacks forehead) How are you going to be a normal girl again if you have to run everything by me?! I don't care what you do, Impthy! How many times have I told you that?

Impthy: (drops to her knees) I'm sorry, Miss Nabootena... (winces, like Nabooru is going to slap her)

Nabootena: Huh? Impthy! What are you doing on the ground?

Impthy: ... hurry up and get it over with.

Nabootena: I'm not going to slap you, Impthy. Get up. I'm not your master, I'm your friend.

Impthy: Have I done something wrong, Miss Nabootena?

Nabootena: Don't call me that. Call me Nabootena. And you didn't do anything, Impthy... Giki misunderstood something. Hmm... well, I guess I'm going to have do go duel him then...

Impthy: Are you going to let him win, Nabootena?

Nabootena: No. Giki's not as strong of a duelist as he thinks he is. I know that for a fact, Saraba told me so. If he won you back again, Rauonjii, Louga and Zuri would jump at the chance to defeat him and enslave you again. Besides- How will you be normal again if I can't help you?

Impthy: I understand, Nabootena. Oh! Look! It's 3:30! You'd better go to the arena, huh?

Nabootena: Yeah... let's go!

(Scene: It's that time again... yes, the Really Big Long Annoying Weird Song! Nabooru holds her Triforce ring in front of the symbol on the door to the arena on the tallest tower of the castle, and the door slides open. Then... well, you know.)

Chorus Singers:
REALLY!
BIG LONG!
ANNOYING!
WEIRD SONG!
REALLY!
BIG LONG!
ANNOYING!
RANDOM SONG!

ALGEBRA! POST-IT-NOTE!
VETERINARIAN!
KITCHEN SPRAY!
LION FISH!
FUZZY THINGS!
FUZZY THINGS!

FRESHMAN YEAR!
EASTER DRESS!
TOSTITOS AND CREAM!
OATMEAL BOX!
HUNTING SEASON!
ELMER FUDD!
ELMER FUDD!
DALMATIAN!
LABRADOR!
CANADA!
TOURIST TRAP!
CHEERIOS AND CHOCOLATE CASSEROLE!
MCDONALDS!
MCBURGER!
MCBATHROOM!
MCFOOD!
MAZDA!
MERCEDES!
CALL OF THE WILD BY JACK LONDON!

(Nabooru reaches the top of the tower, and Ganondorf is waiting there, looking extremely angry. The song speeds up and fades out.)

Chorus Singers:
EVOLUTION! REVOLUTION! EVERLUTION! SUBSITUTION! RESOLUTION! LOOK-AT-YOU-TION! WE-DON'T-MAKE-NO-SENSE-A-TUTION! ... boom.

Giki: I thought you weren't going to show up!

Nabootena: Of course I was! Giki, this is all a big misunderstanding. I never wanted to hurt Impthy. All I want is for her to be normal again.

Giki: You don't understand, Nabootena! I love Impthy! She is my shining thing! In more ways than one! I won't let her continue to be stuck in the middle of this ridiculous dueling game! I'm going to win her from you, and set her free (strikes dramatic pose) WITH THE POWER OF MY LOVE!

Nabootena: (scratches head) Uh... yeah... Well, I'M going to keep her so I can teach her to be normal again and to protect her from the other duelists WITH MY STRANGELY OBVIOUS POWER TO REVOLUTIONIZE THE WORLD!

Giki: That's going to take too long! And besides, you don't have any such power! The only way to get that power is to win all the duels and open the Castle Where Conformity Dwells to release the spirit of Lios, who will then regain his former shape and give the winner the power to revolutionize the world! But of course you're not supposed to know that yet, so... Ha! I don't want to hurt you, Nabootena! But I will if I have to in order to protect Impthy!

(Impa walks into the arena in her dress and crown, holding the two roses: Nabooru's orange one and Ganondorf's black one.)

Impthy: The first one who loses their rose loses the duel... Good luck, Miss Nabootena. (pins rose to her shirt)

Giki: Hello, Impthy. I'm going to set you free today!

Impthy: Thank you for having noble goals, Giki. But do not promise things that you can't do.

Giki: What? I'm going to do it, Impthy! Oh yes! I will! (gets rose pinned to his shirt)

Impthy; Good luck, Mr. Giki.

Nabootena: Oh... IMPTHYYYY!

Impthy: (gulps) Oh boy... here we go... (walks over to Nabooru, pops an Advil)

Nabootena: Just a moment, Giki!

Impthy: Triforce of Hyrule Castle... Power of Lios that sleeps within me... Come forth and obey your- OW! OWWWW! OH SWEET CHEESE, THAT HURTS!

(Impa falls over with the sword sticking out of her chest again. Nabooru catches her and removes the sword)

Nabootena: Give me the power to bring the world revolution! (dramatic sword pose)

Impthy: (stumbles to side of arena, pops another Advil, clutches chest in pain) I hate my job...

Giki: ... Ow. Impthy, are you all right?!

Impthy: (digging in a first-aid kit) Fine... let the duel begin!

Giki: This is for you, Impthy! YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!

(Nabooru and Ganondorf start the duel. Ganondorf seems to be very aggressive and angry, and Nabooru's giving everything she's got to defensive strategy. Those annoying singers repeat the random weird Cheerios and Chocolate Casserole fuzzy things song.)

Giki: Your tyranny over Impthy is over, Nabootena!

Nabootena: Stop calling me a tyrant! I did nothing to make her serve me!

Giki: Ha! That's what they all said!

Nabootena: No, I'm telling the (whacks his shin with blunt end of her sword) TRUTH!

Giki: OW! Cheap shot! You cheater! But no cheaters can win in the GAME OF LOVE!

Nabootena: Giki, I DO NOT SWING THAT WAY!

Giki: AH HAHAHAHAHAHAHAA! (tries to swipe off the rose)

Nabootena: Ahhh, no ya don't!

Giki: (inner thoughts) Just a little longer, Impthy! Soon you will be free again! You're my shining thing, and now that I've found you again, I'm NOT going to lose you! Look at you over there... face full of anticipation of your freedom! I feel bad about having to hurt Nabootena, but... It's the best for you, my darling!

Nabootena: Giki, stop this craziness! I want to help you and Impthy too! I think it's really sweet! I want Impthy to be normal as much as you do! Please, just stop this dueling nonsense!

Giki: I'M -GOING- TO WIN, NABOOTENA! HEEEEEEEEEEEEEYA!

Nabootena: (ducks under blade, it barely misses the rose) Yikes!

Giki: WHY-

Nabootena: Yeow! (ducks under blade again)

Giki: WON'T-

Nabootena: Eeeya!

Giki: YOU-

Nabootena: GIKI! EEK!

Giki: GET IT!?! IMPTHY AND I WERE MEANT TO BE TOGETHER AND YOU CAN'T KEEP US APART!

Nabootena: ARE YOU HEARING A WORD THAT I'M SAYING, YOU PSYCHO?

Giki: (locks blades with Nabooru, they both struggle to keep standing) No! I'm hard of hearing!

Nabootena: I already TOLD you Giki! I want Impthy to be normal too! And I want you to be together, if that's what Impthy wants!

Giki: (freezes) What Impthy- uh... (releases the blade lock) Impthy!

Impthy: (applying first aid ointment) What?

Giki: Do you love me, Impthy?

Impthy: If Nabootena says I should!

Nabootena: No, REALLY Impthy! What do YOU want!?

Impthy: I want whatever you want for me, Nabootena.

Giki: (throws hissy fit, lisping) NO, IMPTHY! We're SERIOUS! Do you love me?

Impthy: I... I don't know. Nabootena?

Nabootena: Hey, man, keep me out of this!

Giki: (turns to Nabootena, glares) YOU!

Nabootena: What?

Giki: You ARE KEEPING US APART! IMPTHY CAN'T SAY WHAT SHE REALLY THINKS BECAUSE OF THE CURSE! And you know what would help that... ELIMINATING THE SOURCE! (runs at Nabooru, blade drawn and screaming)

Nabootena: EEEYAAAI! GIKI! STOP IT! You're not supposed to KILL me! AGGGH!

Giki: YOU- DON'T- CARE!

Nabootena: I'm not telling her to say that, Giki!

Impthy: Giki! You can't kill her!

Giki: Impthy, she's the one brainwashing you into not liking me!

Impthy: I like you, Giki! I think you're the nicest boy ever!

Giki: Eh? (pauses) Really?

Impthy: Yes!

Giki: (tears up) I... I don't know what to say! I-

Nabootena: COME ON GIKI, IT'S OVER! (gets ready to slice off his rose)

Giki: ACK! NOOOOOO! (spins around, starts heavy swordplay again)

Nabootena: You heard what she said! Now will you stop?

Giki: No! I still want to set her free! And I have to possess her to do that! She said she likes me, Nabootena! She WANTS me to win! AAHAAHHAHAHAHAH-

Impthy: You can do it, Nabootena!

Giki: WHAA? (freezes in place) Impthy, I thought...

(BONK!)

Giki: HEY! (spins around, sees Bucky sitting on edge of the tower) YOU! BUCKY, I DON'T HAVE TIME FOR THIS! WAIT UNTIL LATER! I'VE ONLY BEEN DUELING FOR 14.45 MINUTES!

Bucky: (squirrel language) **YOU WILL GIVE ME THAT WATCH NOW, HUMAN SLIME!**

Giki: NEVER! THE WATCH IS MINE! NOW IF YOU'LL EXCUSE ME, I HAVE TO WIN MY TRUE LOVE FROM-

Sound FX: RIIIIIIP!

(Everything freezes. Ganondorf is immediately silent. He looks down, and sees the scattered petals of a black rose on the ground at his feet. He looks left and sees Nabooru, hands on her hips and sword with a single black petal speared on it. He looks right and sees Impa, celebrating Nabooru's win)

Giki: WHAT?!

Impthy: The winner is Miss Nabootena!

Nabootena: Never get distracted in battle, Giki.

Giki: No... no... (drops on knees, screams to sky, camera looks down on him and zooms upwards, away from him) NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! IMPTHYYYYYYYYYYYYY!

Nabootena: Sorry, Giki.

Giki: (hands shaking) IMPTHY, MY LOVE! I HAVE LOST... NOW WE CAN NEVER BE TOGETHER... NOOO! NOOOOOO! ALL BECAUSE OF THAT SQUIRREL! THAT SQUIRREL! AAAAGGGH, IMPTHYYYYY!

(Ganondorf collapses to the ground and bursts into tears, banging his head and fists on the ground and repeatedly screaming, "NO! NO! IMPTHY NOOOO!")

Giki: (sobbing) AAAGHHHHHHH... NOOOOO... AGGGGGHH NOOOOO...

Impthy: (walks slowly over to him, touches his shoulder) Giki...

Giki: (looks up, sobbing like a baby)

Impthy: It was a very good try, Giki. Maybe next time.

Giki: (whimpering, incoherent sobbing)

Impthy: Come on, now. Don't be silly. Stand up!

Giki: (stands up, whimpering, incoherent sobbing) Impthy...

Impthy: Shhh. Giki, you tried very hard. Thank you for fighting so hard for me. (kisses him on the cheek) I'll see you in the music room later, OK?

(She strolls off to Nabooru's side)

Nabootena: I'm sorry, Giki. But you were getting hysterical.

Giki: (lip shaking)

Nabootena: No hard feelings, OK?

Giki: (walks over, shakes her hand) Good dueling, Nabootena.

Nabootena: Thanks! See you 'round, 'K?

Giki: Bye... later, Impthy.

(Nabooru and Impa walk down the stairs, and Ganondorf stands there for a minute)

Giki: She... likes me?! SHE LIKES ME! AAAHAHAHAHAHAHA! YESSS! SHE LIKES ME! AAHAHAHAHAAAAAA! MY SHINING THING HAS NOT LEFT ME! IT'S ONLY CURRENTLY IN SOMEONE ELSE'S POSSESSION! AAAHAHAHAHHAHAAAAA! Nabootena was right! She really only wants to set Impthy free...

(He gazes at the black rose petals on the ground)

Giki: ... And I trust her, too. Nabootena, you really are the dueling champion, and you really are the one with the power to revolutionize the world and set Lios and Impthy free! And I'm not going to stand in your way, either. I've dueled for the last time!

(He steps up to the side of the tower and throws his sword off as hard as he can.)

Voice From Below: (sound of a sword hitting something) AAGGGH! OWWW! AAGGGGH!

Giki: Wait a sec- That sword cost 350 BUCKS!!! What am I thinking?! I've got to go down and get it! But first...

(He turns to Bucky, who is still standing on the edge of the tower with his acorn grenade gun.)

Bucky: (squirrel language) ** Uh... oops? **

Giki: YOU'RE GONNA DIE, SQUIRREL!

Bucky: (squeak of terror) AAIEEEE!

(Ganondorf chases Bucky around the tower, and the camera switches to Nabooru and Impa down below)

Nabootena: I'm proud of the way Giki handled that. He's a really sweet guy, Impthy.

Impthy: I know.

Nabootena: So what do you think about him... REALLY?

Impthy: I love him too. But I didn't think you'd want me to tell him that.

Nabootena: !_! WHAT?! IMPTHY! WHAT DID I TELL YOU ABOUT THAT?

Impthy: You don't care who I talk to or what I do.

Nabootena: That's right!

Impthy: OK, I just wanted to make sure.

Nabootena: You and Giki are still going to play music, right?

Impthy: Of course! Unless you tell me not to.

Nabootena: Impthy...

Impthy: OK, OK, just kidding! Now... Miss Nabootena...

Nabootena: Yes?

Impthy: I need help getting this sword back in.

Nabootena: (gulps) Er... OK... let's go get a towel first, though...

(They run off to the East Dorm, and the camera zooms out to show Link and Zelda in the student council tower. They were watching the whole duel.)

Zuri: Giki just made an idiot out of himself there.

Louga: He fought very well... but he let his emotions take over at the end.

Zuri: We should expel him for kissing the Rose Bride when he's not the champion.

Louga: We can't. Nabootena gave her permission. He's doing nothing wrong.

Zuri: But if someone else won Impthy?

Louga: He could definitely be expelled then.

Zuri: Hmm... Two duelists have fallen to that ROOKIE, Nabootena.

Louga: She's not a rookie, Zuri. Look at her technique! She duels among the best of us. She beat Rauonjii, didn't she?

Zuri: Rauonjii is a really old big fat guy with a taste for Twinkies.

Louga: She beat Giki fair and square. That was a tough battle.

Zuri: He's a moron. Like I said before. That stopwatch has had some sort of effect on his brain. He completely broke down at the end. And he's only dueled once before.

Louga: But still... End of the World wants another duel. And soon.

Zuri: Who's it gonna be?

Louga: I don't know. How about you?

Zuri: No way. You go.

Louga: No way! You!

Zuri: No, you!

Louga: All right, all right, let's quit arguing. We've got plenty of time to think about it.

Zuri: You think she might be the one?

Louga: Maybe, maybe not. But I'll tell you one thing... She sure is the one for me! HISSSS! OW!

Zuri: (raises eyebrows) You're a freak, Louga. (runs off)

Louga: Hmm... that trick usually impresses women... huh... I'll have to work on that...

(He looks through the binoculars at Nabooru one more time)

Louga: You certainly are worthy of being a duelist, Nabootena. But don't get too cocky. You've only defeated two of us. Zuri is the best fencer the school has ever known, and I've never lost a duel. (scratches chin) Of course, I've never fought to possess the Rose Bride, so... (strikes dramatic pose) THIS ISN'T OVER YET, NABOOTENA! I WILL HAVE THE POWER TO REVOLUTIONIZE THE WORLD! And you're not so bad yourself! HISSSS! OW!

(Bonk!)

Louga: (looks up, sees Bucky on the roof) HEY! It's that evil squirrel again! Hmmph! I'm no more afraid of you than I am Nabootena!

Giki: What'd you say about Nabootena?

Louga: Huh?

(Ganondorf launches himself off the roof, snatches Bucky in mid-air as he falls, and lands right on top of Link)

WHAM!

Louga: MY... BEAUTIFUL... BODY!

Giki: Nabootena's the coolest person in the history of this school! Shut your mouth, Louga! She's pretty, and smart, and funny, and she wants to help me free Impthy my love from the spell! NABOOTENA IS A REVOLUTIONARY GIRL! And I've finally caught that squirrel, too! AAAHAHHAHAHAHA! And it only took me 3 days, 7 hours, 34 minutes and 41 seconds!

Bucky: **THE... WATCH! AAGGGHHH! MY PLAN IS RUINED!**

(Ruto is listening from outside)

Rutanami: OH NO! I've been retaliating against the wrong person! It's NABOOTENA who's out to take my big brother's affections away from me! Giki, you worthless idiot! (grins wickedly) Well, no matter... I WILL DESTROY YOU, NABOOTENA! I WILL HUMILIATE YOUR FRIEND IMPTHY! AND I WILL MAKE LINKY-POO- I mean, LOUGA-POO, MY DARLING BIG BROTHER, MINE! AAAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHA! (thunder and lightning)

@-->---- @-->---- @-->---- @-->---- @-->---- @-->---- @-->----

(END THEME SONG! END THEME SONG!)

Chorus Singers:
It's missing TRUTH! The truth is gone!
This story's messed up really bad!
If you think that this fan fiction is ba-ad
You should see the anime!
I'm totally not kidding!
THE ANIME'S is JUST WEIRD AND TOTALLY WHACKED!

Nabootena's the lead, she's an all-around nice girl
Who don't like to see women picked on
Impthy's the Rose Bride, without a free will, without pride
Cause some crazy-arse spell is on her
LOUGA IS ALL STRANGE and a bit horny, too
RAUONJII IS A JERK! And he can't get enough junk food
Zuri's melancholy, Malori is real mean
Giki's obsessed with time and shining things!

(DOOT DOOT DOOT DOOT DOO DOO!)

Nachu is a monkey-mouse! And he lives in Impthy's house!
Kazoo used to play a harmonica-AAA!
Lios is the missing prince!
Dakio smashes all his cars!
And Saraba... Who can't stop glomping everyone!

All these weirdos in one show!
It's plain kooky, don't ya know
But if you think all these people are weird ones
You just wait until you meet
Weird people all bow at her feet
Wait until... Rutanami comes on the scene!