Fan Fiction ❯ Big Brother Darunia ❯ A Sage Is Slain... (Sort Of...) ( Chapter 2 )

[ P - Pre-Teen ]

BIG BROTHER DARUNIA: SHOW TWO
A SAGE IS SLAIN... SORT OF
A LEGEND OF ZELDA FAN FICTION BY GALAXY GIRL

BIG BROTHER DARUNIA is brought to you in part by the following:

Good evening. As you may know, three innocent people die every year due to unprotected
underwater evil-fighting. Fighting monsters underwater without the right equipment can lead to
drowning, pain, death, and even a major boo-boo or two. So please! When you fight evil
underwater, please use protection! Use a Zora Tunic!
Brought to you by ZAPUUE: Zora Alliance for Preventing Unprotected Underwater Evil-fighting.

(Scene: Living room. Little Link has gathered the group around for the final results of last
week's vote. This is it! Who will be the first to go? Will it be Malon, the pretty young rancher
girl, or Nabooru, the Gerudo leader and Sage of Spirit?)

LL: Welcome back to Big Brother Darunia, the new reality fan fic that has everyone talking!
Last week, we watched as the contestants moved into the castle and got used to each other. This
week, one of the two elected contestants, Nabooru or Malon, will be gone! Evicted, never to be
seen again on this show!

Link: Get on with it!

Nabooru: Yeah, we want to see who's outta here!

(The contestants cross their fingers and hold their breath nervously as LL opens the envelope
that contains the top secret info...)

LL: And the evictee is... SARIA'S FAIRY?!

All: WHAT?

LL: Come on, people! We went over this! She, um, it- is not a contestant! So she cannot be
voted out!

Saria's Fairy: Yeah, people! Why would you want to evict poor little me when I'm so cute and
so sweet and so charming and not annoying at all, nope, not even a teeny tiny bit even though
sometimes I get talking too fast and I go into a blur and keep going and going and going and
going and going like that pink bunny on the Energizer commercials with the drum. I like drums!

LL: Um, OK. Any ideas?

Impa: Why don't we have a recount?

Link: Let's have a sword fight! I fight for Malon and whoever fights for Nabooru!

Zelda: No way! There's only one way to settle this!

Ganondorf: What's that?

Zelda: The most civilized and fair method of decision known to anyone in the universe!

Ruto: The Iron Chef show?

Zelda: NO! THUMB WRESTLING!

(Scene: Later, in the living room. Darunia has used his Goron skill to craft a thumb-wrestling
ring out of wood and Malon and Nabooru have slipped their thumbs through the tiny holes,
preparing to duke it out for honor. And a mystery cash prize...)

LL: This is ridiculous! How is a thumb wrestling match going to decide the person to be evicted?

Rauru: Easy! Winner stays, loser goes! And it's SO exciting to watch!

(Nabooru and Malon are ready to start.)
Malon: Are you ready to meet my digits, Spirit Sap?

Nabooru: Ready as I'll ever be, you worthless horse-riding little wuss!

(Nabooru and Malon move their thumbs around, squirming and attacking each others thumbs
with a heated pace.)
Malon: Ooh! Ooh! Ooh! Very sneaky, sewer rat!

Nabooru: I've been training for years, you stupid little bumpkin!

(Finally, Malon emerges victorious!)
Malon: HAHAHA! I WON! WOOHOO! YOU SUCK, SPIRIT SAP! LOOOSER! LOOOOSER! I WIN! I WIN!

Nabooru: NO! HOW COULD I LOSE? I'm the %&^ #*$&%* Sage of Spirit, %*% #@(!%*!!

LL: I'm sorry, Nabooru. But the fans have spoken!

(Scene: Half an hour later, Nabooru stands near the castle drawbridge with a suitcase,
preparing to say goodbye to the others.)
Link: Tough luck, Nab'ru.

Nabooru: Well, that's the way the cookie crumbles. I don't care.
I can get all the cash prizes I could ever want! I'll just be glad to get back home...

Link: Well, I guess this is TTFN. Ta-ta for now.

Nabooru: See ya round, kid!

(Link starts to say something, but sees Ruto approaching and speeds away from the area.)
Ruto: So. What did he say to you?

Nabooru: Whaddya mean?

Ruto: Did he say he loved you? Just tell me! I'm your roommate! DID HE SAY IT?

Nabooru: Heck no! I'm like twice his age!

Ruto: Look, Nab. I've known you for a while, and I think you can tell me.
We're practically sisters, girl! So tell me... WHAT DID HE SAY?

Nabooru: NOTHING! He said goodbye!

Ruto: Don't lie to me, Nabooru! WHAT DID HE SAY? HE SAID HE LOVED YOU, DIDN'T HE?

Nabooru: No, he didn't! What do you want me to say?

Ruto: SAY HE SAID HE LOVED YOU! SAY HE SAID HE LOVED YOU!

Nabooru: Alright, alright! He said he loved me!

Ruto: HOW COULD YOU? YOU KNEW LINK AND I WERE INVOLVED! YOU KNOW HE SAID HE'D MARRY ME!

Link: (yelling) I NEVER SAID THAT!

Ruto: YOU &%#@! YOU LIAR! YOU SAID YOU LOOOOOOOVED MEEEEEEE!

Link: I did not!

Nabooru: I'll see you around, Ruto...

Ruto: See you, Nab! Luv ya, K'? LINK! COME BACK HERE! COME BACK AND TALK TO THE WOMAN YOU LOVE!

(Ruto chases back into the castle after Link, and Impa and Zelda come to bid adieu to the Spirit
Sage.)

Zelda: I'm sorry, Nabooru...

Nabooru: Don't be. I'm actually glad to get out of here! You know, Link's a nice guy,
but it gets kind of old hanging out with him all the time.

Impa: No kidding...

(Link runs by with Ruto on his heels, pleading for mercy.)
Link: SAAAAAAVE ME! She's gone postal!

Ruto: I'M ONLY DOING THIS BECAUSE I LOVE YOU, MY DARLING HERO OF TIME! I LOOOOOVE YOUUUUUU!

(Nabooru, Impa and Zelda sweatdrop.)

Impa: So. You coming to the annual Sage and Other Magic Person of Power Company Picnic next
month?

Nabooru: Yeah, I'll be there. I'm bringing my special recipe baked Wallmaster omelette surprise.

Impa: MMM! I can't wait!

Zelda: Oh, disgust...

Nabooru: See you guys.

(They leave, and Saria, Darunia, Rauru, and Ganondorf are the last to come.)
Saria: I'll send a postcard, Nabooru...

Nabooru: Thanks, Saria.

Darunia: Can I have your room?

Nabooru: Too late. I think Ruto's moving her life-sized Link mannequins onto my side of the room
now. But I would, if I could...

Ganondorf: HAIL! My Gerudo sister!

Nabooru: That's not going to work, Ganon. I've told you, we Gerudos aren't loyal to you anymore,
loser. SO QUIT IT!

Ganondorf: Hmph! You should respect me! I'm telling my mommies!

Nabooru: Twinrova? Koume and Kotake have been dead for almost a year, stupid. I don't think they
care in the least about you. They have their own things to talk about.

(Cut scene of Twinrova arguing up in Heaven- or wherever they went...)

Koume: YOU ARE A %&*%@*!

Kotake: STUPID %$*#@&%!

Koume: $*$*@!

Kotake: @*@$&*%$#(@%*@#(%#*@*!

Volvagia: Will you two shut up already?

Phantom Ganon: Yeah! You've been arguing nonstop ever since you died!

Bongo Bongo: ME NO LIKE TWINROVA! BONGO BONGO SMASH!
(He pounds them into witch pancakes.)

(Twinrova continues to argue even though they are smears on the floor.)
Koume: THIS IS YOUR FAULT!

Kotake: MY FAULT? You're the one who fired the shot that he sent back
to kill us! It's your fault we're dead!

(King Dodongo gets angry and swallows them whole. Of course they're not
dead, but still...)

Koume: (mumblemumblemumble mutter mutter %#@&%*#@!)

Kotake: (muttet mutter mumblemumblemumble POW!)

Koume: POW!

Kotake: POW!!!!

(Back to the subject at hand...)

Rauru: Filthy disgrace! I've never seen such a wimpy thumb wrestling match in all my days!
You should be ashamed to call yourself a Sage! Why, in my day, Sages were blah blah blah yadda
yadda yadda yakkity yak yakkity yak blah blah...

Ganondorf: Remind me to call up Grunty when this is over and ask for the spell she used to waste
Bottles in Banjo-Tooie... That old guy's starting to tick me off...

LL: It's been an honor, Nabooru. But the group didn't have the Spirit to let you stay. Good luck,
and thanks for playing BIG BROTHER DARUNIA!

(The drawbridge squeaks shut, and Nabooru becomes the first to leave.)

Nabooru:........ WOOHOOO! FREE! FREE AT LAST! NO MORE DORKY KIDS IN GREEN OR UGLY FREAKS IN BLACK
ARMOR! NO MORE OLD FARTS ORDERING EVERYONE AROUND AND NO MORE STUPID ROCK GUYS! WOOHOOOOOOO!

(Suddenly, a fireball and an icebeam fly down from above {?} and
narrowly miss Nabooru as she hikes across the castle grounds.)

Nabooru: FIRE! AAAAA! AAAAAA! AAAAAAAAAAA! ICE! AAAAA! AAAAAA! AAAAAA!
(She runs away screaming...)

(We hear a giant belch and Twinrova come flying down from above and crashing into the moat.

Koume: (Climbing out of the moat.) Hey! Great! We're alive again!

Kotake: Now we can get our revenge on that little creep who killed us!

Koume and Kotake: HEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHE HE!
(They dance around and mount their brooms, flying towards the Kokiri Forest and
they don't seem to notice that they still have halos above their heads... TO BE CONTINUED!)


(Scene: Interview room. Rauru is giving his opinion on why everyone seems to hate him...)

Rauru: If you ask me, these kids need to be taught some respect! Why, that little Link character
is pushing his luck, prancing around like the king of the world... and that princess is the most
unrefined little brat I've ever seen! That fish girl is getting on everybody's nerves, and
that stupid Gorgon or whatever he is better stop playing that stupid song that that stupid Kokiri
girl wrote! The king of evil is falling head over heels in love with that miserable Sheikah gal,
and she wants nothing to do with him! And that country western ranch girl is starting to bug me!

(Rauru is sure that the oters are at fault here. But soon, Rauru himself will be regretting the
day he ever insulted any of these people... for they have their own ideas!)

(Scene: Living room. Ruto is watching a nature documentary.)
Ruto: Oh NO! Please say the salmon make it up the river to spawn!

(Suddenly, Rauru walks into the room and changes the channel.)

Ruto: HEY! I was watching that!

Rauru: You stupid young Sages! Disregarding an old fellow like myself for your own selfish
purposes! You should be ashamed! You shouldn't even have the right to call yourself a Sage!
You're a disgrace to your kind! Why, in my day, Zoras stayed in their own domain, and didn't
go pushing their pain off on us righteous Hylians!

Ruto: GASP! The nerve!
(Ruto stomps out of the room, glaring at the old man who is now watching "The Young and the
Restless".)

Ruto: (under her breath.) I'll teach you to call me a disgrace, old man!
(She pulls a deadly weapon out of her pocket... a Longshot. Then, she snickers and goes off
camera.)

(Scene: Ballroom. Darunia is practicing his own thing on his spare time. He has a recording of
"Saria's Song" and he is dancing like a moron to it.)
Darunia: OH! OH OH! YEAH! HOT! WHAT A HOT BEAT! WHOOOOOOA! YAHOOOO!

(Rauru, done with his soap opera, walks into the ballroom and shuts off the tape player.)

Rauru: What kind of stupid music is that? In my day, we didn't force old people to listen to
that trash!

Darunia: It's not trash! It's an annoyingly catchy tune that once implanted firmly into
your brain, it will not stop playing until you go absolutely homicidal!

Rauru: I don't care! Turn it off! And listen to some real music, like this!
(Rauru turns on the tape player, and a really loud recording of Hanson's MMMBOP begins to play
at what must be at least 45 decibels)

Darunia: NOOOOOOOO! ANYTHING BUT THAT!

(Darunia races for the door cupping his hands over his ears. Once outside, he pats his side,
checking for the Megaton Hammer that he stealthily snuck into the castle. He is determined to
put it to good use...)

(Scene: Zelda's Room. Impa an Zelda are having a heart-to-heart talk.)

Zelda: I can't stand it anymore, Impa! He snores so loud it's not even funny! He kept
me up all night last night, and I can't live with him another day!

Impa: Oh, princess! He can't be that bad!

(Rauru walks by the room with his tape player.)

Rauru: MMMMMMMMMBOP! DOOBY DAP BA DOOOOWOP! DOOOBY DA DA DOOOOWAP! DABA DABA DOOOO!
WHOOOOAAAOAAOOOOA!

Impa: I could be wrong about that...

Zelda: OH! I need some quiet! I'm going out to the courtyard! And don't let HIM follow me!
(Zelda leaves, and Impa walks to the door and watches Rauru go down the hall.)

Impa: Nobody annoys MY princess and gets away with it!

(She reaches for the knife secured around her waist. She smiles, and turns back into the room
to watch The Price Is Right.)

(Scene: Courtyard. Link, Zelda, and Saria are gathered there to get some peace and quiet.)
Zelda: I CAN'T STAND THAT GUY!

Link: I know how you feel! I've always hated him! Being all cocky when I was about to
kill Ganon... stupid dork! I wish someone would take care of him once and for all!

Saria: Oh Link! The Hero of Time shouldn't think like that about Rauru! He is the oldest
Sage, anyway!

Link: SO? I'm sure somewhere in that innocent little heart of yours, there is a huge
hatred for that guy!

Saria: Yeah... OK! I really got sick of him right after I was awakened, you know,
being the only other Sage... but I would never want him killed!

(Link snorts, and we hear MMMBOP being broadcast throughout the castle.)

Link: I'm outta here! That song is going to drive me crazy!

(Link turns to leave, and casts a quick glance to the Master Sword at his shoulder. Hmmm...)

Saria: Well, see you Zelda... I'm going to my suitcase to get some seeds to plant!

Zelda: Bye!
(As Saria turns, Zelda gently strokes the Light Arrows in her pocket.)

(Saria walks towards the door, but not before tucking the Fairy Bow she stole
from Link into her pocket.)


(Scene: Living room. Rauru has settled in to watch Pokemon on the TV. Link is in
the room with him.)
Rauru: Hello Kitty! I LOVE THIS SHOW!

Link: Oh great!

Rauru: Hello kitty, hello kitty! I've always wondered... is her first name Hello or Kitty?

Link: JEEZ! WILL YOU SHUT UP ALREADY?

Rauru: Fine! I'm going to the kitchen to fix myself a snack! I'll be back!
(Rauru leaves.)
(Link looks around to make sure nobody's watching, and then flips the channel to his favorite
show, Pokemon.)

Link: HOHOHO! That Pikachu! He gets funnier all the time!

(Scene: The Garden. Saria is giving a personal interview in the courtyard.
In the background, we can see Darunia's silhouette inside the shower, singing
"MAN! I Feel Like A Woman.")

Saria: I've always loved gardening. I use it to escape my pains of daily life!
(Saria kneels down on the ground and starts digging in the dirt with an arrow from Link's
bow. She has not brought any tools, so the Bow was the next best thing.)

Saria: Oh, I almost forgot! My working music.

(She presses the PLAY button on the tape player next to her. "Saria's Song" plays really loudly.
We see Darunia's silhouette freeze, and his torso appears in the shower curtain, banging on the
window as if begging Saria to stop the tape. Suddenly, he starts dancing like a lunatic,
slips, and knocks his head on the tub, rendering himself unconscious.)

Saria: Doo dee doo! Doo dee doo! Doo dee doo dee doo doodee doo dee doooo. Doo doo dee doo!

(The spools of tape turn round and round and round...)
(As Saria gardens, we hear a new song playing louder and louder in the background.
It sounds vaguely familiar, like the "Song of Storms.")

Saria: Good gosh! What's that horrible, horrible music?

(A shadowy figure passes in front of the camera.)

Saria: AAARRGH! It's so annoying! Yet so catchy! Wait a second! Who's that? Who are you?
Leave me alone! Link? Link, is that you? STOP IT!

(A shadowy figure attacks Saria.)
Saria: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!

(Scene: the lounge. Seven contestants and Little Link are gathered around poor Saria,
crying and blubbering all over the couch.)

Saria: It was horrible! Just horrible! That awful music! And that terrible person! Who was it?
Who attacked me?

Little Link: Now, Saria! There is no one else in the castle but you nine!

Link: But who would attack Saria? She's so nice to everyone!

Zelda: Whoever they are, they are in this room!
(The contestants eye each other warily.)

Ganondorf: I think it was Ruto!

Ruto: MEEE? Why would I? Saria and I are like this! I would never attack her!

Link: You're probably jealous of Saria, because I like her and I hate you!

Darunia: (Holding an ice pack on his head.) Frisk her for weapons!

(The group produces the Longshot from Ruto's pocket.)
Impa: AHA! A Longshot! You were planning to kill poor Saria with this, weren't you, you
horrible thing?

Ruto: I promise! I didn't do it! You should check that Ganondorf guy! He's the bad guy
here! Frisk him for weapons!

Ganondorf: No, don't! I'm horribly ticklish! NO! Please! WHAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

(Weapon after weapon falls out of Ganon's pocket. He has a variety of weapons,
including a mace, a bottle of pepper spray, a knife, a stun gun, and a deadly wet noodle.)
Ganondorf: I swear! I was just protecting myself!

Link: HA! You admit it!

Ganondorf: Admit what? That I'm smart enough to carry a weapon around with all sorts of
evil things and crazy people around? Of course!

Darunia: Ha! I knew it was him! Trying to murder that poor little Kokiri kid!
(The Megaton Hammer tumbles from his pocket.)

Darunia: Oops.

Malon: IT WAS DARUNIA!

Darunia: NO! IT WASN'T I LOVE SARIA!

Link: He couldn't have done it! He was unconscious in the tub!
(Darunia puts on an innocent puppy face.)

Saria: That's right! And my attacker was a human!

Impa: I'm not a human, I'm a Sheikah!

Ganondorf: I'm not a human, I'm a Gerudo!

Ruto: I'm not a human, I'm a Zora!

Darunia: I'm not a human, I'm a Goron!

Link: I'm not a human, I'm a Kokiri!

Impa: You are not! You're a Hylian!

Zelda: NONE OF US ARE HUMANS, YOU IDIOTS!

Saria: Um, it was a Hylian!

Link: But there are only three Hylians in this whole castle! Zelda, Malon and me!

Ruto: And Rauru.

Link: Rauru's not a Hylian. He's got to be some kind of demonic being to live that long!

Ganondorf: Hey, where is Rauru, anyway?
(No one seems to know.)

Zelda: Come on people! We have to cooperate here! Now, let's just forget about it,
and go on with our evening. Everybody keep your eyes open!

(The group dissipates, but everyone feels suspicious and nervous.)

(Scene: Interview room.)

Darunia: The castle doesn't seem as quiet since this afternoon... I think something bad is
going to happen!

Impa: I wish that I knew who it was... I can't feel safe for anyone until I know!

Saria: I'll never get to sleep tonight!

Ruto: I hope no one tries to hurt my little Linky-Boy!

Link: I'm not her Linky-Boy!

Ganondorf: If I knew who it was, I'd congratulate them and point them in the direction of
that pesky little Hero of Time's room...

Link: I hope no one gets hurt... Well, except Ruto. They can attack her anytime!

Zelda: This is horrible!

Malon: I'll never feel safe here again...

(Scene: That night in the kitchen. Princess Zelda awakens late at night with a rumbling in
her stomach.)

Zelda: Oh boy! Am I hungry! I've gotta get something to eat!
(She walks out of the royal bedroom, where Impa had moved to protect Zelda from attackers.
Rauru has not come to bed.)

Zelda: Boy, I didn't know the castle was this big at night...
(She steps carefully down the main steps and into the kitchen.)

Zelda: Ah! I made it! Now, to get me a... HOLY COW!
AAAAAAIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

(Rauru lies against the counter, a huge knife stuck in his back. He looks as if he was caught
by surprise by the killer as he was making a snack.)

Zelda: OHMIGOSH! Rauru! Are you alright?

(She runs up to him, and he moans softly. Evidently, he is not dead.)

Rauru: (Groaning) ...round...round...go around...
(He lapses into a coma.)

(Scene: The Next morning. The BIG BROTHER staff carries Rauru's body out to the ambulance.
The Sage of Light is currently in a severe comatose.)

Rauru: ...go...around...Kenmore... go around...

Zelda: It's so horrible! Poor Rauru!

Link: That poor old man!

Saria: First me, and now this...

Ganondorf: I DIDN'T DO IT!

Darunia: That's a major boo-boo, Brother...

Malon: Who could have done such an awful thing?

Ruto: Oh Link! I'm so scared!

(The remaining eight contestants gather in the kitchen to look for clues.)

Link: Rauru was saying, "go around... go around..."

Saria: What could that mean? Is that a clue to the killer's identity?

Zelda: When I found him, Rauru was preparing a hot dog bun! He was making a hot dog!

Impa: What does a hot dog have to do with "Going around"?

Ruto: Hmm... everybody spread out and look for clues!

(The contestants pair off and search the kitchen.)

(Saria and Link look around the microwave, where Rauru's body was found.)

Saria: Go around... go around... THAT'S IT!

Link: What's it?

Saria: Yesterday, just before I was attacked, I heard the attacker scream,
"GO AROUND! ROUND AND ROUND!"

Link: Hmm. Go around... HEY! What is in the kitchen that goes around?

Saria and Link: THE MICROWAVE!

(Saria and Link gather the others around and stand in front of the microwave.)

Ganondorf: WHAT'S THE MEANING OF THIS?

Link: There is a clue to the killer in the microwave! Everybody ready?

All: Yes.

Link: ...1...2...3!
(He swings the door open.)

All: AAAAAIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

(Inside the microwave, curled up in a tiny ball and spinning around on the
heat plate, is the DERANGED GUY FROM THE WINDMILL IN KAKARIKO VILLAGE!)

Deranged Guy: GO AROUND! GO AROUND! GO AROUND AND AROUND AND AROUND!
BWWAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

(Scene: Later in the Kitchen. The cops are taking away the deranged man to jail for the
attempted murders of Saria and Rauru.)

Cop1: Boy, are you guys lucky! It's good that you found that guy before he killed someone else!

Cop2: Yeah. This is the Kakariko Circle Killer. We've been after this guy for years!

Link: What, did he kill someone else?

Cop1: Do you know Dampe? He murdered him seven years ago.

Saria: But why? Why would an innocent popular citizen go crazy like that?

Cop2: He has a psychotic condition that makes him obsessed with things that go around and around.
Like Saria's tape player, and the microwave!

Impa: He was always such a steady person! I can't believe he would just flip like that.

Deranged Man: STUPID KID! Ocarina... song...windmill! GO AROUND! AND AROUND AND AROUND!
BWAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

Link: Uh, yeah... how could he just flip? Hehehe... I have no clue how that could happen!

Little Link: Poor Rauru. Because of his coma, he can't be in the competition anymore.
The game show is ruined!

Zelda: No! Just don't elect anyone to leave this week! Rauru will be our evictee.

Malon: Yeah! Just because the old guy got a knife doesn't mean that we have to stop!
I want that cash prize!

Cop1: Too bad for him...

Deranged Man: (Struggling in his handcuffs.) NOOO! THEY CAN'T SILENCE THE TRUTH!
GO AROUND! GO AROUND!

(The Deranged guy breaks out of his handcuffs and produces a huge chainsaw from his robe.
He leaps right at Link, and the Hero of Time screams bloody murder.)

Link: KYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!

Deranged Guy: STUPID KID! STUPID KID! BWAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

(Malon takes out a stun gun and jumps in front of Link. She hits it on 10,000 volts,
and the Deranged guy feels the pain.)

Deranged Guy: BLLLLLZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZT!

Malon: BACK, FOUL CREATURE!

Link: Ohhhh... (He faints into Darunia's arms.)

Cop2: Alright, mister! That's enough out of you!

Deranged Guy: GO AROUND! GO AROUND! GO AROUND AND ROUND AND ROUND!

(The cops put the deranged guy back in his handcuffs, and carry him off to Hyrule State
Penitentiary.)

Cop1: I'm sure the judge will have a big surprise for you!

(Cop2 puts a pair of headphones on the deranged guy, and hits PLAY on the tape player attached.
A recording of Hanson's MMMBOP plays really loud. A most fitting punishment for such a dastardly
criminal.)

Deranged Man: MMMBOP! DOOBY DAP BA DOOOWOP! DOOBY DA BADA DOOWOP! DOOBY DABA DOOO! YEAHEEEAHAA!

Darunia: (Fanning Link with his hands.) Scum like that makes me sick!

(Scene: Later, in the interview room. Little Link offers his closing statement.)

LL: Today, we witnessed a most heinous crime, committed by the most dastardly criminal ever to
befall the land of Hyrule. Leaving a Sage in his wake, the Deranged Guy from Kakariko Village
will get a long time behind bars to think about what he's done. By the way, the hospital
issued a report today: It seems Rauru will recover eventually from his injuries. However,
he cannot continue the competition, and is therefore, evicted.
Anyway, join us next week on BIG BROTHER DARUNIA for more heart-stopping action!
BIG BROTHER DARUNIA...

Darunia: He's watching you!

BROUGHT TO YOU BY ZAPUUE, THE ZORA ALLIANCE FOR THE PREVENTION OF UNPROTECTED UNDERWATER
EVIL FIGHTING! REMEMBER: WEAR A ZORA TUNIC!
<><><><><><><><> <><><><><><><><><>< ;><><><><><><><><><&g t;<><><><><><><><><>& lt;><><><><><><><><>< ><><>

This game has been screwed up by:
Galaxy Girl

galaxygirl7777@angelfire.com
President, Webmaster of Planet Universe Comix Company
PLANET UNIVERSE: Saving the world with cheapo comics!

LEGEND OF ZELDA AND ALL RELATED INDICIA ARE PROPERTY OF NINTENDO OF AMERICA. NO COPYRIGHT
INFRINGEMENT IS INTENDED. THE CHARACTERS ARE USED FOR ENTERTAINMENT PURPOSES ONLY:
THEY AIN'T MINE, I'M JUST BORROWING THEM FOR A BIT TO MAKE THEM PERFORM MY SCREWED UP
FICS...
HOO HOO HA HA!