Fan Fiction ❯ Hey, OCARINA! - The Cheesy Zelda Musical ❯ Scene Fifteen: Forest Temple ( Chapter 15 )

[ T - Teen: Not suitable for readers under 13 ]

Hey, OCARINA! - The Cheesy Zelda Musical
by Galaxy Girl


CHAPTER/SCENE FIFTEEN: Forest Temple Phobia (END IT NOW... THE DUMB CHAPTER TITLES... AAGH!)

In this scene...

Link, the ultra-bish Hero of Time!
Navi, the Fairy!
Sheik, the Survivor of the Sheikah!
Mido, the Jerk!
Several Random Kokiri!
Saria, the annoyingly perky Best Friend!
The Poe Sisters, Joelle, Beth, Amy and Meg!
Phantom Ganon, the... Phantom... of... Ganon.
The VOICE of Ganondorf!
A few really stupid Moblins!
The Big Dead Great Deku Tree!
The Deku Sprout, the Sprout of the Big Dead Great Deku Tree!
A bunch of random Stalfos, Wallmasters, and other scary monsters!

A/N: I just had an interesting thought. Y'know how the rule is supposedly "If the Kokiri leave the forest, they will die"? Well maybe it means that if the Kokiri leave the forest, rather than drop dead instantly, they will lose their immortality and their eternal youth or something... Ah, I dunno. Doesn't make much sense to me either. Whatever... Okay, I'll shut up and start the chapter now... ^^;

(Scene: The opening trees of Kokiri Forest. Link is walking through the big log at the entrance, with Navi close behind him. He can hear a lot of Kokiri humming through the trees. He draws his sword as he prepares to enter)

Link: I hate to think about what Ganondorf could have done here while I was gone...

Navi: But isn't the forest off-limits to everyone except the Kokiri?

Link: [shrug] I couldn't tell you. The rules in this place confused the crap out of me when I was a kid; I'm not gonna understand them now.

Navi: Whaddya mean?

Link: Like, for example, if the Kokiri never grow up and are not allowed to leave the forest, why was I able to leave the forest all those years ago and yet I am still alive? And why am I grown-up now?

Navi: Maybe you're not a Kokiri.

Link: [glares at her] SHUT YO MOUTH!

Navi: [jumps back] Dude, SORRY. But maybe we should quit standing here and GO INSIDE, HMMM?

Link: [looks triumphant] Good idea. WATCH OUT, WHATEVER'S IN HERE! LINK'S BACK AND HE MEANS BUSINESS! HIYYAAAAA-

[Link leaps through the log and into the entrance of Kokiri Forest, where everything SEEMS to be normal. The humming of the Kokiri grows more audible, and finally, in a big explosion of lights and sound, the Kokiri kids all dance out of their houses and start a song, complete with all the forest's new monsters in a dance line near the back.]

Kokiri:
HMM!
HMM-HMM!
HMMMMMMMM!
HMM-HMM! They say the forest is a place where time stands still!
We never grow up so we've got a lot of time to kill!
Apparently we've never seen the outside!
Now all these monsters are a bruise to our pride!

The Twins:
WE!
Can't leave the forest at all!

Know-It-All Brothers:
SO!
Our chances of survival are small!

Kokiri:
AN EVIL WIND IS BLOWING FROM THE TEMPLE TO THE NORTH!
COMPARED WITH ALL THESE MEANIES, OUR STATURE IS DWARFED!

[Chorus. The Chorus Singers join in for this part]

WE'RE HOME!
But we're not really, see!
BECAUSE!
It's not how it used to be!
IT SUCKS!
Since the death of our guardian tree!
SOMEBODY PLEASE COME HELP THE KOKIRI!

[Link and Navi run down the path further into the village, dodging monsters and giant evil plants of all sizes and trying to find all the Kokiri. Several small arms reach out of one of the houses and pull Link inside. All of the Kokiri are crammed inside of it, looking frightened as their fairies flutter around in a panic. The dance line continues, even though they're in a very small space. Much pushing results.]

Link: [joins in singing, looking upset]
HOW
On earth did all these monsters arrive?

Navi:
WOULD
It have happened if the tree were alive?

Link:
HOW
Did all of you manage to survive?

Both:
WHAT HAPPENED TO THIS PLACE, WE STEP AWAY FOR A FEW YEARS AND...

Twins:
BANG!
The Forest Temple's become a wreck!
ALL
The forest is going to heck!
AND
There's no chance that we'd ever fight back!
IF ONLY SOMEBODY WOULD CUT US SOME SLACK...

Know-It-All Brothers:
ONLY
One of us managed to escape
Seven years ago, he avoided this whole scrape!
LINK!
Somehow he left and he didn't die!
NOW HE'S OFF ON HIS OWN WHILE THE REST OF US FRY!

Kokiri:
IF ON...LY...
LINK... COULD...
SEE... US... NOW...
HE... WOULD... HELP... US...
HE'D... KNOW... HOW!
WE... WERE... MEAN... BUT... WE... WERE... WRONG!
PLEASE... LINK... SOMEHOW... HEAR... OUR... SONG!

Link: I hear it!
[singing]
HEY!
You guys, I'm back, and now I've grown up!
WHAT
Did Ganon do to make this place blow up?

Kokiri:
DON'T!
Be silly, mister green-wearing man!
LINK'S A KOKIRI AND HE CAN'T GROW UP!
BUT OBVIOUSLY, YOU CAN! AND!

Link:
WHY
Can't one of you guys see...
I'm not a stranger!
IT IS ME!

Navi:
HE'S JUST NOT A KOKIRIIIIII!

Link: [glares at her] SHUT YO MOUTH!

Kokiri, Link, and Navi:
WE'RE HOME!
But we're not really, see!
BECAUSE!
It's not how it used to be!
IT SUCKS!
Since the death of our guardian tree!
SOMEBODY PLEASE COME HELP THE KOKIRI!

Navi:
OOH!
Ever since the death of the Deku...

Kokiri:
WE!
Haven't clues of what we should do!
SARIA!
Went to talk to the Forest Spirits!
SHE MAY BE IN BIG TROUBLE, TOO BAD WE CANNOT HEAR IT!

Link:
WHAT?!
Saria has gone off on her own?
WHY!?
Did somebody let her go alone?
CAN'T!
You guys all feel a demon's presence!

Kokiri:
SARIA SAID SHE'S GOT POWERS LIKE THE KID IN "THE SIXTH SENSE"!
MIDO!
Went with her so that he could watch!
HE!
Won't let anybody by in such!
A CASE!
As Saria's got it under control!

Link: [pulls out his sword]
I'M GONNA GO AND RIP THAT LITTLE PUNK A NEW-

Navi: [covers his mouth, the music pauses] Not in front of the children.

All:
AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH...

WE'RE HOME!
But we're not really, see!
BECAUSE!
It's not how it used to be!
IT SUCKS!
Since the death of our guardian tree!
SOMEBODY PLEASE COME HELP THE KOKIRI!
WE'RE HOME!
But we are not really, you see!
BECAUSE!
The passing of our guardian tree!
SOMEONE!
Come help us we are in a great time of need!

Navi:
Come on, Link we must...

Link:
Save Saria...

Navi:
The temple's...

Link:
Overrun with demons...

Navi:
We won't let Ganon...

Link:
Get away with...

Both:
THIS HORRIBLE CRIIIIIIIIIIIME!

Link:
BECAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAUSE... I AM LINK!

Both and Chorus Singers:
THE HEEEEEEEEEEEEEEERO OF TIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIME!

Kokiri:
AAAAAAAAAAAH!
AAAAAAAAA AAH!
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!

[Link runs out of the house triumphantly, and the Kokiri all watch him go, looking worried.]

Random Twin: I hope he'll be okay...

[Suddenly, the Kokiri kids hear the following conversation]

Link: AAAAAAGGGGHHH! NAVI, IT'S GOT MY LEG! AGH! AGH! HELP ME! HELP ME! HELP ME!

Navi: HEY! Link! There's a really big mutated plant on your leg!

Link: AAAA-DUUUUUH! AAAAAAAAGGGGHHH! [stabbing noises]

Big Mutated Plant: AAIEEEGGGH! [squeaking]

Link: LET GO OF ME! AAAGH! [stabbing noises]

Big Mutated Plant: AIIEEGGGH!

Sound FX: [somebody starting up a weed-whacker]

Sound FX: [a weed-whacker whacking a weed]

Navi: ... Where did you get THAT?!

Link: What?

Navi: UGH... just never mind.

(Scene: The Lost Woods. Saria's Song is playing merrily, and the Chorus Singers are humming it. Link and Navi are trying desperately to find their way through the woods...]

Link: CRAP! I can't remember the way!

Navi: How do you not remember the way? You used to live here and run through these woods twenty times a day!

Link: Well maybe I'm senile.

Navi: You're only 17 years old. How can you be senile?

Link: [grumbling, as the two of them run in and out of logs Scooby-Doo style] Technically, I'm not supposed to be a day over 10...

Navi: Well, did it ever occur to you that maybe you're not...

Link: [stops running, gives her the evil eye] SHUT YO MOUTH.

Navi: ... WHAAAT?

Link: [threateningly] Y'know, you don't HAVE to come along with me if you don't want to, since I'm an adult now.

Navi: No way, man! Saria's my friend too, and I want to make sure she's safe! And besides that, I would never abandon you, my best buddy in the whole world! [gives him a hug]

Link: Awww... Naviiiii... [gives her a hug]

Audience: [THIS MEANS YOU, READER!] Awwwwww...

Audience Members Who Have Won the Game: [snort]

[Suddenly, Navi sits up, a panicked expression on her (invisible, fairy) face.]

Navi: HEY!

Link: Hey what?

Navi: I... I feel something...

Link: [concerned] What?

Navi: The climate of evil... descending on us...

Link: [looks around] I don't feel anything.

Navi: You're not supernatural like me! [shudders] Ooh, it's close... LINK! GET OUT YOUR SWORD! SOMETHING'S COMING!

Link: [draws his sword, looks around angrily] All right! COME ON OUT, YOU! GET OUT OF MY FOREST!

Navi: [shaking] It's coming... It's coming... OH, IT'S A BIG ONE! THE EVIL! THE EVIL! AAGGHHH! [starts glowing brightly]

Link: [looks around] I'm ready for it...

Navi: [flies into Link's hat in terror] IT'S COMING!

Link: [stands there in a threatening position, his sword drawn] Don't worry Navi... I'll kill it...

[He stands there for a few moments, just waiting. Nothing seems to happen. Suddenly... it comes.]

Soft Noise From Link's Hat: PWOOOOOOT.

Link: [eyebrows raise] What the...

Navi: [flies off of Link's head, still in his hat] WHOA!

Link: [stares at her] What in the heck was that?

Navi: [flapping her wings rapidly] That was a big one! 'Scuze me.

Link: [snatches his hat out of the air] Please don't tell me that you just had to fart.

Navi: [giggles] Sorry.

Link: EUUUGH! [waves his hat around to air it out] THAT'S VILE, NAVI! Could you please not go in my hat to do that? I THINK YOU STAINED IT!

Navi: I did not either! I'm a fairy! We're divine creatures, we don't stain people's hats when we-

Link: I think that by definition, a divine creature does not fart.

Navi: [shrugs] Well, I did feel the climate of evil...

Link: [puts his hat back on] When you say that you can feel the climate of evil descending, BE SURE THAT IT'S THE CLIMATE OF EVIL AND NOT SOME GAS IN YOUR LOWER INTESTINE!

Navi: How do you know I even HAVE an intestine? And I apologize, but I get the same feelings for either one!

Link: [rolls his eyes] Now, which way were we going?

Navi: [freezes] Link...

Link: Navi, I don't care about how gassy you are.

Navi: NO! REALLY THIS TIME!

Link: Hmm?

Navi: Something evil... THAT WAY! [points down one of the logs]

Link: Are you SURE?

Navi: Well it's no bean burrito!

Link: Oh, good. I'm in a bad mood, I think killing something will help.

[Navi speeds down one of the logs, leading him to where she feels the presence of evil.]

Navi: This way! No, this way! And... uh... this way! Yeah!

Link: Oh boy, I can't wait! Navi, you're actually having a REAL PREMONITION! Like actual fairies do!

Navi: What was that?

Link: [shuts up] Um... nothing.

[The Chorus Singers begin to hum an ominous tune as Link and Navi stop before entering another log]

Navi: ... This is it, Link... This... behind this log is the evil being I sense!

Link: How big?

Navi: Small, but undeniably evil.

Link: Any evil powers?

Navi: [flutters around, as though thinking] Its moaning howl can make anything within hearing distance go crazy and drive its own eardrums out with a golf pencil.

Link: Whoa. And how should I kill it?

Navi: One straight chop down the middle will kill it and endear you in the hearts of everyone who has ever played this game forever.

Link: [snickers] I like the sound of that! [draws his sword and points through the log] THIS WILL MAKE SARIA FEEL THE SAME WAY ABOUT ME!

Navi: ... I thought you had the hots for Malon!

Link: I changed my mind again.

Navi: Dude that's gross. Saria's only 10.

Link: [hand on his chin, as though in thought] Well, maybe, if after I save the world, I go off in search of a mystical spring hidden far from the eyes of all Hylians... A spring that was blessed by a Goddess a thousand years ago that will break the curse of the Kokiri and transform Saria into a long-haired, adult hot chick!

Navi: What are you, a really desperate L/S author?

(A/N: Author will now accept any sharp objects you throw at her. No offense, L/S authors, it's all in good fun. ^^; [ducks under a flurry of sharp objects])

Navi: And anyway lover boy, what about the stupid monster?

Link: Oh yeah. HERE I COME! YAAAAAAAAHHHH!

[Link bursts through the log, leaping into the air and raising his blade above his head, ready to chop whatever he runs into first, when suddenly...]

All-Too Familiar Voice: What in the name of the Great Deku Tree are YOU doing here?

Link: [freezes] Eh?

Mido: [points accusingly] YOU'RE NOT SUPPOSED TO BE IN THIS FOREST! YOU'RE A GROWN-UP!

Link: [gives Mido the bug look] ... Navi.

Navi: [giggles innocently] Whaaat?

Link: Is this the evil presence you felt?

Navi: ... Maaaaaybe.

Link: [rolls his eyes, puts his sword away] Crap.

Mido: [watching their conversation carefully, seems to be thinking very hard] ... What...?

Link: [turns to him] HMM?

Mido: ... What ARE you?

Link: I'm a Kokiri, you dumbnut! Don't you remember me?

Mido: Though you wear very Kokirish clothing and you have a fairy following you... You can't be a Kokiri! You're a GROWN-UP! Any idiot with half a brain knows that Kokiri stay kids forever!

Link: [waving hands wildly] Mido! Mido-Meatbrain! HELLOOOO? Ring any bells?

Mido: ... You must be one of them Sheikah guys with your freaky mind-reading masks... Otherwise, how would you know my childhood nickname that that one kid gave to me?

Link: [groans] AAGGHHH, I GIVE UP...

Navi: [whispering in his ear] Who cares if he doesn't remember you? He was such a butthead when you lived here! Just push by him and let's go!

Link: [smiles fakely, pushes Mido aside] Good for you, kid. Now, let the nice man get by so...

Mido: AAAH! [races out in front of the next log again] OH NO YOU DON'T! You can't get past here!

Link: [hands on hips] And why not?

Mido: Saria told me not to let anybody past!

Link: Why would she say that?!

Mido: Saria went to the Forest Temple to try and console the violent spirits there! Saria's always been able to communicate with the forest better than the rest of us! And she made me promise that I wouldn't let anybody by, or else she'd never go out with me!

Link: ... Dude, she'd never go out with you anyway.

Mido: Well, I'm not gonna take that chance! Saria didn't want anybody else taking the chance of getting hurt by following her... So you can't go by!

Link: MIDO! It's me, Link! Saria's BEST FRIEND! She wants me to get by so that I can help her out!

Mido: You're not Link! Link was a Kokiri, if not a really dweeby one... And like I said before, Kokiri NEVER grow up, so if you were Link then you'd be a kid, and you're NOT!

Link: [turns to Navi, upset and singing]
What the heck am I supposed to do!?
This little brat won't let me get through!

Navi: [shrugs]
Maybe if you prove that Saria knows you
Than this little dork will let you through!

Link: OY VEY... [pulls out his Ocarina, continues singing]
All right! You twerp!
I'll play Saria's Song!
Then you'd better let me move along!
[plays Saria's Song, with the Chorus Singers backing him up]

Chorus Singers:
LET HIM GO!
LET HIM GO!
SARIA HE KNOWS!
HE IS HER BEST FRIEND!
UNTIL THE END!
LET HIM BY!
LET HIM BY!
OR YOU'LL MAKE HIM CRY!
GO ON MI-IDO.
NOW LET HIM GO!

Link: [singing along to the song now]
Let me pass!
Let me pass!
Or I'll kick your @$$
You don't want to be...
Angering me!
I have got a really, real big sword!
I'll slice your skull in half like a gourd!
You'll be a lump of meat on the floor!
You might want to let me by or you might make Saria die
YOU STUPID JERK!

Mido: [hears the song]
Why that is...
That's the song...
She played it all day long
When her friends were near...
Back all those years...
Link, he knew...
Yes, he knew...
That song, yes it's true!
Cause he was her friend!
Until the end!
You can't be Link, it's impossible...
He left the forest and he kicked off!
But you must have met him to know that song...
All right pal, I trust you now
After all it's been long that Saria's been gone!

[Mido steps out of the way, and triumphant music plays]

Link: [nods] Thank you, my good man.

Navi: Hurry! Saria could be dead any minute-

[They start to run into the log when...]

Mido: Wait! You, big guy!

Link: [sighs dejectedly, drags himself back to talk to Mido] WHAAAT?

Mido: You know Link, right?

Link: ... Very well, actually.

Mido: So... he's not dead?

Link: No. Not at all.

Mido: Oh... that's amazing. Because normally, if a Kokiri leaves the forest, they die! I always knew that that little idiot wasn't a REAL Kokiri.

Link: [glares at him] SHUT YO MOUTH!

Mido: [leaps backwards] Hey, hey, sorry! I mean... [sighs] I was mean. I was really mean... And I always wondered why Saria didn't like me... But now, since he left, I realize...

Link: [looks stunned] What are you saying?

Mido: [singing]
I was always such a jerk when Link was nearby!
I made fun of him and on more than one occasion made him cry!
But if I could go back in the past...
If I could change all time...
I'd apologize to him...

Link: ... Really?

Navi: ... REALLY?

Mido:
He wasn't such a bad guy...
[getting dramatic, the Chorus backs him up]
I wouldn't call him Mr. No-Fairy!
I wouldn't wash his underpants with poison ivy!

Link: [eyes widen] THAT WAS YOU?!?!?

Mido: Yeah...
[continues]
I wouldn't sell his toys to the Skull Kids!
I wouldn't rub Wolfos bait on his teddy bear!
I WOULDN'T EGG HIS HOUSE ON HIS BIRTHDAY!
I WOULDN'T SPIT GUM IN HIS HAIR!
I WOULDN'T SHAVE HIS HEAD WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING!
I WOULDN'T EVER LIGHT HIS STUFF ON FIRE!
I WOULDN'T GIVE HIM CRAPPY CHRISTMAS GIFTS!
LIKE A JOCKSTRAP LINED WITH BARBED WIRE!

Link: I remember that...

Mido:
So I guess what I'm trying to say...
Is if you happen to meet him again someday...
Tell him...
That Saria wanted to see him...
And also...
Tell him...
That Mido's SOOOOOORRY.
Tell him that too...

Navi: [sniffling] Aww...

Link: ... I'll tell him, kid.

Mido: Thanks. [sits down glumly] I hope Saria's all right... GO AND HELP HER, DUDE!

Link: [looks triumphant] Right. Thanks, Mido! [races off]

[Everything pauses, as the creepy narrator glides out onto the scene]

Narrator: I'm sure you're all getting very tired of Saria's Song by now. And so, having found the apology he'd been looking for from his former enemy Mido, our hero races off to the Sacred Forest Meadow, at the back of which where the Forest Temple lies! Hit it, Chorus!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Chorus Singers:
TO MAKE A LONG STORY SHORT!
PART OF THIS SCENE WE WILL ABORT!
WE HOPE THIS FIC DOESN'T TAKE US ALL TO COURT!
TO MAKE A LOOOONG STORY SHORT!
LINK AND NAVI HAD A GOOD CRY AND RAN OFF TO THE FOREST MEADOW PLACE THING...
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

(Scene: Sacred Forest Meadow. The familiar hedge maze is now occupied by something that makes loud pounding noises when it walks... Link and Navi approach the entrance to it, and look around warily]

Link: Something's not right here... Something's different...

Navi: I sense something... HEY! WAAGH! [hits annoying fairy mode]

Link: Navi...? OH NO!

Navi: [monotonous voice] YOU NEVER KNOW WHAT WILL BE AROUND THE CORNER... USE THE Z BUTTON TO LOOK IN THE PROPER DIRECTION AROUND CORNERS... YOU MIGHT AMBUSH A MONSTER... BLAH... BLAH... BLAH... CLICK! [stops glowing weirdly] ... Whoa... what did I say?

Link: Something about a Z button... Again with the buttons! When will the writers realize that this isn't a video game!

Navi: [looking around Link's belt] Let's see... Ah, here it is! [pushes the Z button]

Link: [immediately spins around and looks down the next corner] WHAT THE...?

Navi: Hey, cool! What's this one do...?

[Navi presses B and Link uncontrollably starts slashing his sword]

Link: HEY! CUT IT OUT!

Navi: HEE HEE HEE! [presses A. Link puts his sword away] AND ONE MORE TIME...

[Navi presses A again, and is instantly sucked into Link's hat]

Navi: BYAAAAGH!

Link: [covers up the buttons with his hands] Now cut that out!

Navi: [flies back out] Sheesh... You try to have a little fun, and...

[Suddenly, their argument is interrupted by a loud honking noise. Link looks around warily, and jumps back, screaming in shock. A huge bulldog-looking goblin thing races by at ramming speed, with a large spear extended as to shish kebab our heroes. He and Navi peer down to watch it as it slams into the wall and turns around, still standing guard. His eyes are bugging out of his head]

Link: WHAT... WHAT WAS THAT THING?!

Navi: Looks like a Moblin! A BUNCH of them! All over the maze!

Link: What's a Moblin?!

Navi: That thing. A bulldog goblin wearing sexy chainmail shorts.

Link: Oh... WHAT HAPPENED TO THE DEKU SCRUBS?! I LIKED THEM! THEY DIED REALLY EASILY!

Navi: These guys are sissies too. All you have to do is outsmart them!

Link: [scratches chin, as though in deep thought] Hmmm... I feel a song coming on.

Navi: Oh goody! Which one?

Link: We haven't had a Beatles song yet this chapter. [points at the sky] HIT IT!

[Guitar and drum beats slam in the opening of a lesser-known Beatles song, entitled "Hey Bulldog!" (Your guess is as good as mine is on what it's really about... Watch "Yellow Submarine" on DVD, and you'll hear it!) Link backs against the wall and pulls out his sword, grinning evil]

Link: [singing, grinning widely]
Moblin!
Running all around!

Navi:
His spear!
Run you through the ground!

Link:
Something tells me these guys are sissies through and through...

Navi:
I said that, and outsmart them's all you gotta do!

Link: [whispers to the Moblin that just ran by]
THIS WAY!
Catch me if you can!

Moblin: [grunting stupidly]
HEY LOOK!
TASTY PRETTY MAN!

Link: [runs out into the aisle, holding his sword straight out in front of him]
Some kinds of monsters really don't have any brains!

Navi:
I hope you do this right or you'll be feeling pain!

Both: [taunting]
YOU CAN TAKE ON ME!
YOU CAN TAKE ON MEEEE!
YOU CAN TAKE ON MEEEEE!
COME AND CATCH US NOW, YOU BIG PANSY!

Moblin: RRAAARRGGGHHH!

[He runs right at Link, who merely steps back as the big stupid thing impales himself on the Master Sword, grunting and falling over dead (DON'T TRY THIS ON YOUR GAME! IT WON'T WORK! SHOOT ARROWS UP THEIR BUTTS, OR HOOKSHOT THEM IN THE SKULL, OR LEAP UPON THEM WITH THE MEGATON HAMMER! ANYTHING BUT THIS!)]

[Guitar and drum chords continue, as Link and Navi race past his decaying corpse, laughing all the way. Link dispatches several other Moblins in similar ways, from hookshotting them in the skull to stabbing them in the back to sliding underneath their big pointy sticks and giving them the worst hookshot-induced case of hemorrhoids ever imagined.]

Link: [does the hookshot hemorrhoid thing] Shoulda used Preparation H!

Navi: [giggles as Link slices one right across the skull] Ooh, now that's what I call a splitting headache!

Link: [sidesteps one who slides into one of the little ponds and drowns] Have a nice trip!

Navi: [waves to that one] See you next fall!

Link: [high-fives Navi, as they reach the final long corridor that leads to the temple]

Navi: ... Problem.

Link: What? [looks up there]

[They see the big giant Moblin with the big giant stick slamming it on the big... ahhh, you know.]

Link and Navi: [continue the song]
BIG MAN...

Big Moblin: YEEAAAAH?!

Link:
Navi, what the fark?!

Navi:
HIS BITE...
Smaller than his bark!
Some monsters only understand the words of force!

Link: [pulls out his sword, whines]
Oh, what I'd do right now if I could use my horse...

Both:
WE'RE NOT SCARED OF THEE!
WE'RE NOT SCARED OF THEEEE!

Big Moblin: [shrieks like a big chicken]
STAY AWAY FROM ME!

Both: [look back and forth from the Moblin to each other]
We are totally not scared of thee!
YAAAAAAAHHHH!

[Link dodges the earthquakes from the guy's big stick and dives between his legs, behind him. The Big Moblin apparently doesn't notice, and starts looking around to find them]

Navi: [flutters in front of his face]
HEY!
[barks like a dog to taunt him]
HEY, BULLDOG!

Link: WOOF!

Both:
HEY BULLDOG!
HEY BULLDOG!
HEY BULLDOG!

[Link digs through his arsenal to try and find the perfect weapon to dispatch the big weenie, while Navi distracts him by fluttering around his head. They two chatter back and forth as the song begins to fade out]

(A/N: This chattering is actually part of the song... ^^;)

Link: Hey, Navi...
How bout this? [holds up his hookshot]

Navi: [shakes head]
WOOF!

Link: Whaddya say? [holds up the crystal containing Din's Fire]

Navi: [shakes head, bonks Moblin in the face]
WOOF!

Link: [holds up his bomb bag]
You know I need more... Practice.

Navi: [nods enthusiastically]
AAAAHHHWOOOOOOO!

Link: [lights the fuse, sets it right in between the Moblin's legs, laughs hysterically] AAAAAAHAHA!

Navi: You got it! ALL RIGHT! THAT'S IT! YOU HURT IT! THAT'S IT, MAN!

Link: AAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAAAA! [falls over laughing]

Navi: You got this hero business down, boy! That's it, man!

Big Moblin: [spins around, looking confused] GRR?

Navi: [shhs Link] Quiet boy, quiet! Quiet!

[They watch as the Moblin looks between its legs just in time to watch the bomb blow it into lots of little monster chunks and Rupees]

Link and Navi: BAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAA!
HEEEEEEY, BULLDOOOOG!
HEEEEEEY, BULLDOOOOG!

[The song draws to a close, as Link and Navi scoop up Rupees and head towards the top of the staircase, and the Forest Temple...]

Navi: Okay, Link... Time to get serious!

Link: [runs into the meadow] Saria! Saria! ... Oh...

[Depressing music plays as he stares at the stump where Saria used to sit while she played her song.]

Link: Navi... She's not here...

Navi: Well, she SAID she was inside the temple, Link!

Link: But I guess... [looks sad] I guess, I was hoping that maybe that message was wrong...

Navi: Link... we have to pull ourselves together and save her! We can't do it if you're all nostalgic!

Familiar Voice: Your fairy has a point, Link...

Link: WAAGH! [spins around to see Sheik standing on a tree alongside the temple] Sheik! How'd you get here before us?

Sheik: [leaps down gracefully] I was on my way before...

Navi: But to get the hookshot and save the ranch only took us one day with Epona! And you're not even a Kokiri, so how'd you find the way here at all?

Sheik: ... You know what, I don't know. [shrugs] ANYWAY! EVERYBODY SHUT UP, IT'S TIME FOR MY BIG POETIC SPEECH!

[Link and Navi watch as Sheik pulls his harp out of... somewhere we'd rather not think about, and strums his song as he talks]

(A/N: Gimme a break, I'm recalling this speech from memory...)

Sheik: The flow of time is cruel. It passes and people and places change, like you have undoubtedly seen as you have traveled around Hyrule thus far. But one thing that does not change is a memory of younger days. Remember the days you spent as a child with this, the Minuet of Forest. Playing it will return you to this spot quickly, should you ever need to do so.

[Sheik stops playing his song, and plays the Minuet of Forest, which I have provided here for your dramatic and nostalgic enjoyment... and to show off the fact that I can make a musical staff on the keyboard.]

______^_____________________________________
______ _________<______________<_____________
_____________________>_ ________________>____
____________________________________________ __A_________________________________________


Link: [repeats the song, and he and Sheik have a jam session]

Chorus Singers: [singing along]
HMM HMM HMMM...
HMM HMM HMMM!

[The song fades out in a gentle, ah... minuet.]

Sheik: [sticks his harp away... wherever he keeps it] Very nice.

Link: So, ah... are we done?

Sheik: In a hurry?

Link: Well, I'd kinda like to rescue my best friend before she gets killed.

Sheik: Oh. Understandable. I'll let you get to it, then...

Link: Thanks, Sheik-o.

Sheik: [cringes] ... Sheik-o? Ugh... [rolls eyes, sweeps a little bow] Well, until we meet again, Link... Good luck. HUP!

[Sheik throws a magic Sheikah marble thing and vanishes. Link and Navi are left standing alone in front of the temple.]

Link: So, um...

Navi: [points at the temple] LET'S GO!

Link: [hookshots up onto the entrance] WATCH OUT, MONSTERS, I'M COMIN' FOR YA!

(Scene: The entrance hall to the Forest Temple, which has been jazzed up with neon lights and big confetti shooters and the like, all of which has been prepared for the big musical number set to take place here in approximately... Half a page.)

Link: [looks around suspiciously] It's like a forest in here...

Navi: Whoaaaa. Who woulda thought?

Link: [klunks her on the head] No time for sarcasm! We've got to find Saria!

Navi: Good idea. Where do we start looking?

Link: ... I was hoping you could tell me, Ms. Guardian Fairy.

Two Random Wolfos: [pop out of the ground, growl ferociously and attack] GRR!

Link: AAAH! The first jerks to die have arrived! [leaps into battle]

[Link makes short work of the sissy Wolfos, and Navi finally gets her bearings.

Navi: Right. This temple is inhabited by an evil spirit down in the basement, and we need to kill it in order to let the Sage of Forest hear the awakening call. And Saria must be somewhere in here, right? I figure, if we try to find the evil spirit, eventually we'll run into Saria! That way, we'll both awaken the Sage and save Saria at the same time!

Link: Good plan. And I suppose it all starts when the song starts...

Navi: Wait for it...

[They sit in silence for a moment, twiddling their thumbs, looking around, scratching their butts, listening to the nice echoing Forest Temple theme song, and waiting for the temple musical number to start up.]

[Guitar chords start up]

Link: Ah! Now we can continue!

[They open the door, humming the beginning to Brooks & Dunn's "My Maria", which shall be included in a bunch of songs that I've mercilessly frappéd together. The other songs are "South Side" by No Doubt-- You know, "Here we are now, going to the south side..." that one? -- , "Sister Christian" by Nightranger, and "Blurry" by Puddle of Mudd! Anyway, Link opens the door in front of them, races into a long straight hallway, and throws open the next door as the song begins]

Link:
My Saria...
Don't you know, she's my best friend you see.
SOMEWHERE IN THE TEMPLE SHE'S IN TROUBLE!
And waiting for me...

Navi:
Kokiri Lady...
Hiding somewhere in these halls of old...
WE PROMISE WE'LL SAVE YOU BECAUSE HE'S
A hero and he's bold!

Link: [poses bravely with the Master Sword]
She was the sunlight when my...
SKIES WERE GRAY!
So I won't let some monster...
TAKE HER AWAY!!!!

Navi: HIT IT LINK!

Link: [takes a really deep breath]
MY SARIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII-

Navi:
Oh Saria, my best friend...
I'll save you Sariiiia!

Link: [still at it]
-IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIAAAA!
SARIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII -

Navi:
Oh, Saria, my best friend...

Both:
SARIA, WE'LL SAVE YOU!

[The song is interrupted by four bright flashes of light from the center of the room. A red, blue, green, and purple flash erupts from four torches around an elevator, and the four MUSICAL Poe Sisters, Joelle, Beth, Amy and Meg appear, singing to "Sister Christian".]

Poe Sisters:
UNDEAD SISTERS, OH, THE TIME HAS COME!
SOME HERO IS HERE TO TRY AND SAVE THE DAY...
NO WAY!

[They steal the flames from the torches that power the elevator, and the elevator slowly sinks down into the floor.]

Link: [gasps]
Undead Sisters have stolen the flame!
The elevator's dead and they're the ones to blame!
FOR SHAME!

Poe Sisters: [cackle wickedly, shoot into the chorus as they float to all sides of the temple]
HERO-MAN!
WE'VE THE GIFT OF FLIGHT!
YOU'VE GOT TO PROVE YOUR MIGHT!
AND STEAL THESE FLAMES TONIGHT!

[They all disappear into the walls, and Link lets out an angry chorus of "Blurry"]

Link:
THEY'RE TAKING THE HOPE AWAAAAY!
THEY'RE TAKING THE HOPE AWAAAAY!
This is not a game to plaaay!
I've got to save the daaaay!
WE HAVE GOT TO WIN THE FLAAAME!
WE HAVE GOT TO WIN THE FLAAAME!
OR SARIA'LL TAKE THE BLAME!
SHE'LL BE ONE DEAD YOUNG DAME!

Navi:
Ohhhhhhh...
Nobody told you what you'd find...
Nobody told you 'bout the flames...
We've gotta find those Sister Poes...
Or you'll be the one to blame...
Finding our way all through the place...
Fighting the monsters best you can...
Saria needs you to save the day...
I KNOW YOU CAN DO IT, HERO MAN!

[The song is interrupted by pounding guitar and drum beats (from "West Side"), and Link points towards the north room, the only unlocked door thus far.]

Both:
HERE WE ARE NOW, GOIN' TO THE NORTH SIDE!

Link:
I look at my fairy and I hope we don't die!

Navi:
Fight all night then we'll fight all day!

Both:
Searching' for the Forest Sage...

[Electric guitar rhythm as they enter the north room, blah blah blah, fight some random Stalfos (whose attack pattern looks mysteriously like the Charleston dance), get a key, head for the courtyard, blah, blah, blah, blah, more temple stuff... Blah.]

(Scene: Link drops down into the well in the courtyard, and he and Navi run through to the other side, singing to "Blurry" again.]

Link:
The entire world is changing... I cannot tell what's real...
Ganon's taking over, and ruining things, that stupid heel...
I wouldn't be in this situation now at all...
If I hadn't been so stupid and let the Triforce fall...

Navi:
You cannot help what's inarguab-ab-ably
Your preset fate, your future, and your Destiny...

Chorus Singers:
DEEEEEEEEEEEEESTIIIIIIIIIINYYYYYYYYYYYYY!

Link and Navi: [jump in terror as the music briefly shorts out]

Link: WHERE DID THEY COME FROM!?

Navi: I thought they stopped that! [sighs] Anyway... um... where was I...? Oh yeah!
[singing again]
I wonder what she's doing, trying to escape?
We've got to help Saria flee her awful fate!

[They break into a chorus as the author gets lazy while following her walkthrough and warps them ahead to the upstairs west side corridor, near where you get the bow (and where the first Poe Sister waits).]

Link:
CAN I REALLY SAVE THE DAAAY?
CAN I REALLY SAVE THE DAAAY?
I can't see another way...
I'VE GOT TO SAVE THE DAYYYY!
[throws open the door to the room with the bow]

Stalfos:
WE WILL TAKE YOUR FRIEND AWAY!
WE WILL TAKE YOUR FRIEND AWAY!
WE WILL MAKE HER HAVE TO PAY!
FOR YOUR FOOLISH QUEST TODAYYY!

[Link fights off the Stalfos while the melody changes YET AGAIN. Back to "Maria" this time.]

Link:
She was the only one to...
ACCEPT MEEEEE!
Now I will fight here bravely...
I WILL NOT FLEEEEEEEE!
MY SARIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII...

Navi:
Oh, Saria, my best friend...
I'll save you, Saria!

Link:
... IIIIIIIIIIIIIIAAAAAAAAAAA!
SARIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII...

Both:
Saria, we'll help you!

Link: [charges up a spin attack, while the Stalfos dance around him]
MY SARIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII...

Stalfos:
Your little friend will bite the dust!
No more Saria!

Link:
... IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIAAAAAAAAAAA!
SARIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII...< br>
Navi:
We'll cut your heads off if we must!

Link: [unleashes the spin attack, cutting off all the Stalfos' legs and sending them to the ground like the useless sacks of bones they are]
SARIA, I'LL SAVE YOU!

[A treasure chest rises out of the floor, and Link pulls the Fairy Bow out of it, celebrating to the "You've Found An Item" music.]

Navi: [points to the door on the west wall]
[singing to "West Side"]
Here we are now, going to the West Side!
There's a Poe Sister in there, and we've got to make her die!

Link:
I'll fight all night and I'll fight all day!
Searching for the Forest Sage!

[Guitar chords speed up and then slow down, as Link races into the west room and sees a painting depicting Joelle the Poe. The painting looks at him with its sinister Poe eyes, and begins to sing "Sister Christian" again.]

Joelle:
Mister Hero, oh, the time has come!
It's just you and me and neither one can run!
How fun!
Mister Hero, you will not beat me!
I can vanish into walls, TEE HEE HEE HEE!
... hee hee.

[Link pulls out his brand new bow, strings it, and loads an arrow from his new quiver, pulling back the string and pointing it at her. Joelle glides out of the painting and pulls a torch holding the Red Flame out of Hammerspace. Laughing evilly, she bursts into the chorus]

Joelle:
HERO-MAN!
THIS IS MY BIG FIGHT!
YOU WILL NOT SET THINGS RIGHT!
I'LL STEAL YOUR SOUL TONIGHT!

Link:
FLAME OF RED!
Is my reason to fight!
THE ELEVATOR WILL WORK RIGHT!
I'll exorcise tonight!

[A heated battle draws on between the red Poe Sister and our hero. Navi flutters around Joelle, showing Link just where to hit on her. Fight fight fight, fight fight fight fight, FIGHT! Finally, Link fires a final arrow that pierces Joelle. She screams, and sings her last:]

Joelle:
FELLOW SISTERS, OH, MY TIME HAS COME!
THIS ARROW PIERCING ME ENDS MY AFTERLIFE...
GOODBYE...
AGGGGHHHHH!

[She vanishes into a puff of red, and the torch near the door ignites into a beautiful red flame. Navi lets out a sigh.]

Navi: Link... Look! That torch!

Link: Does that means that I...?

Navi: WOOHOO! WE'RE ONE FOURTH OF THE WAY DONE WITH THE TEMPLE!

Link: [miserably] And unfortunately, one fourth done with the song...

["South Side" starts up again as they head towards the east corridor]

Both:
Here we are now, goin' to the East Side!
Not even half done, we're in for one wild ride!

Link:
Drifting slowly through heaven and hell!

Navi:
Fighting hard... and fighting well!

[Electric guitar chords slam and remix this part of "Sister Christian", as they arrive in a stair-filled room decorated with a large painting of the blue Poe Sister, Beth. The painting faces him as he pulls out his bow and aims at it, and she starts to sing.]

Beth:
You killed my sister, now I'll whoop your bum!
You'll be on the ground all bleeding, dead, and numb...
How fun!

Link:
We shall see which of us wins this fight!
You, the evil one, or me, who fights for right?
Tonight!

Beth: [pulls out the blue flame, waves it around wildly and attacks]
HERO-MAN!
SARIA'S DOOMED IN HER PLIGHT!
NO MATTER HOW YOU FIGHT!
SHE WON'T SURVIVE THE NIGHT!

Link:
IF I CAN...
Save her from the beast!
We'll have a tasty feast!
[pauses and thinks about the stupidity of that last line.]
... Well hey, it rhymed at least.

[Blah blah blah, fight, fight, fight, kill.]

Beth: AAAGH!
[singing]
OH, JOELLE, I'VE GONNA JOIN YOU NOW!
THIS GUY RUNNETH ME THROUGH AND WILL DIE AGAIN...
AMEN... AAGGH!

[She vanishes into a burst of blue flame, and the torch in the corner ignites blue.]

Link: [sigh of relief] That's it... halfway done!

Navi: We've got to find the other two sisters to get the elevator working...

Link: ... where do we start?

Navi: [ponders] Uh... let's see... OH! I KNOW!

["South Side" again.]

Both: [races through a bunch of twisted hallways and corridors and the like to speed things up a bit as they sing]
Here we are now, goin' to the South Side!
Two Poe Sisters left, and we can't stop to cry!

Navi:
Amy'll fall like her sister's did too!

Link:
Don't worry Saria, cause I'll save you...
[drum beats, country western guitars]
She was my best friend when nobody...
LIKED ME AT ALL!
So I will rescue her even...
IF THE CHANCES ARE SMAAAAAALL...
MY SARIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII-

Navi:
Oh Saria, my best friend!
We'll help you, Saria!

Link:
... IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIAAAAA!
SARIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII-< br>
Navi:
We'll be friends until the end...

[They arrive in the room where the ceiling crashes down, and it begins to fall, just as...]

Both:
SARIA, WE'LL HELP YOU!

Ceiling: WHAM!

Both: AAAGGGHHH!!!

[Link leaps into Navi's arms, Scooby-Doo style... how is that possible? Er anyway, she throws him down and point to a door across the room]

Navi: There's the door!

Link: We've got to hurry!

Navi: [hits "annoying fairy mode"] LINK... WATCH OUT... THE CEILING IS FALLING...

Link: [bops her in the head] DUH! But some of the tiles are missing, so we won't get smushed!

[Carefully timing things, Link and Navi speed off across the room, dodging nasty evil Skulltulas and stepping on the switch to open the door. Blah blah, yadda yadda, they make it to the door, celebrate, and find a large painting of Poe Sister #3 in the room...]

Link: [singing... I bet you can guess what song.]
Third Poe Sister, I am here at last!
Now show yourself so I can hurry and kick your... face.
And win...

Amy: [sticks her tongue out at him as he aims his bow at her]
Stupid hero, you will not beat me!
I do things a little differently, you see...
Wooooweee!
HERO-MAN!
Puzzles are my might!
You'll never win for right!
I'll kick your face tonight!

[Link shoots her painting, and a selection of pretty blocks fall from the ceiling, along with a mysterious timer that Link can't see that appears in top left corner of the stage, next to Link's life and magic bars that he can't see.]

Link: ... What the...?

Navi: I see! Amy's hiding in the blocks... You have to put them together like a puzzle to get her to appear!

Link: ... Aaaaah, but I SUCK at puzzles!

Navi: [slaps him in the head] What do you think you've been doing in all the dungeons through this whole thing?

Link: Well yeah, but I never feel like I'M really the one who solves them!

Navi: ... what are you talking about?

Link: [whispers] I feel like someone... or something... is controlling me... Pushing my buttons... making me do things... like I can't control myself... Like the world is a video game and I'm the Playable Character...

Navi: ... Don't be stupid. Hurry up!

Link: [groans, sets to work assembling the blocks]

~~~~~~~~~ 27TH PAGE INTERMISSION ~~~~~~~~~~~

GO AHEAD! LOOK AWAY FROM THE SCREEN! REST YOUR EYES!











GET UP, STRETCH OUT A LITTLE! TOUCH YOUR TOES, DO SOME SIT-UPS, 1, 2, 1, 2!










GO GET A SNACK! CEREAL, MAYBE. OR ICE CREAM, IF YOU'RE LUCKY ENOUGH TO HAVE SOME ON HAND... PRETZELS ARE GOOD, AND POPCORN IS REALLY GOOD. JUST DON'T GET THE KEYBOARD GREASY! AND SOME APPLE JUICE WOULD BE TASTY. YUM.








I BET YOU PROBABLY HAVE TO PEE BY NOW. GO AHEAD, GO POTTY. I CAN WAIT!









AND NOW, FOR YOUR ENJOYMENT... A HAMSTER.

(Scene: A hamster running around on its exercise wheel and looking cute.)






THANK YOU FOR READING HEY, OCARINA. WE HOPE YOU ENJOYED THIS 27TH PAGE INTERMISSION. YOU MAY NOW CONTINUE READING. LEAVE GOOD REVIEWS AND YOU'LL GET A COOKIE... MAYBE NOT FROM THE AUTHOR, BUT EVENTUALLY YOU'LL GET ONE. TRY IT! I GUARANTEE IT!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ END OF 27TH PAGE INTERMISSION ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

(Scene: Link is leaning against the doorway to the next room, the green torch next to him burning brightly, and the remains of a bunch of arrows stuck to the wall.)

Link: Woo, that was one amazing fight, Navi!

Navi: Yeah, I bet we burned out half of the special effects budget on that big screaming explosion.

Link: And who woulda guessed that Nightranger THEMSELVES would show up to perform that extended round of "Sister Christian"?

Navi: That was definitely sweet. I bet the audience enjoyed it, too.

Link: Well, we still got one more Poe Sister to find, so...

Both: [break into song]
Here we are now, goin' to the... uh...

Navi: ... What side is that?

Link: Um...

Both:
Here we are now, goin' to the [point towards the main central room] THAT Side!
I look at my friend and we hope we don't die!

Navi:
We fight all night and we fight all day!

Link:
Searching' for the Forest Sage!

[Electric guitar chords slam and continue until they reach the main room, where they hear something strange from on top of the sunken elevator. A small purple cloak is shivering, held up by nothing... The guitar chords fizzle out into "Sister Christian" again, and Link and Navi jump down from the east balcony and approach carefully.]

Navi:
Last Poe Sister's standing over there...
You can see the cloak that covers up her hair...
Right there.

Link:
I can see her and she looks so sad...
I killed her sisters, do you think that she'll be mad?
Or glad?

[Meg, the Final Poe Sister pops up in all her purpley glory, and points a ghostly finger at them, holding the purple torch with her other hand.]

Meg:
HERO-MAN!
This is the final fight!
I'll do my sisters right!
Avenge them all tonight!
[drum beats, she continues another chorus]
IF YOU CAN'T...
Guess which one is me!
They'll all come back, you see!
And immediately flee!
[Meg splits into four ghosts, all of them exactly alike. One of them spins around once as soon as she appears, and they circle around Link, laughing hysterically.]

Link: Whuh-oh! Navi!

Navi: Um... I hope you get this right. If you take too long to kill her, Meg'll resurrect one of her dead sisters and you get to track her down again.

Link: ... Do I have to keep singing?

Navi: Yes.

Link: [whips out his bow] DEAR GODDESSES, NO!

[Link fires an arrow straight at the one who span around, and Meg yells in pain. So on, so forth, blah blah blah...]

Meg: [is hit with the last arrow] AAAAGGGGHHH!

Link: Ha!

Meg: [shrivels up, sings her last]
OTHER SISTERS, NOW MY TIME HAS COME...
THIS DUMB HERO BOY HE CAME AND KICKED MY BUM...
DA-DUM... AAAAGGGGHHH!
TAKE THIS PURPLE FLAME, THE COMPLETE SET...
NOW THE ELEVATOR'S BACK AND DOWNSTAIRS YOU CAN GET...
DON'T FRET...

[The already lit torches poof up into the forms of the other Poe Sisters, and they all burst out with one last chorus]

Poe Sisters:
HERO-MAN!
YOU'VE WON THE SUB-BOSS FIGHTS!
AND YOU'VE GOT BRAGGING RIGHTS!
YOUR FRIEND WILL LIVE TONIGHT...
[Poof]

[The melody of "Blurry" starts up again, as the elevator rises up. Link jumps on it, Navi close behind, and they burst back into song]

Link:
NOW THE FLAMES ARE BACK, OKAAAY!
NOW THE BOSS IS MINE TO SLAAAAY!
I HOPE SARIA'S OKAAAAAY!
RIGHT NOW, I HAVE TO PRAAAAY...

Navi:
THERE NO CHANCE THAT WE WILL LOOOSE!
UNLESS YOU DRINK A LOT OF BOOOOZE!
YOU'RE THE HERO, LIKE TOM CRUIIIISE!
I BELIEVE IN YOU NOT TO LOOOOOSE!
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
I BELIEVE YOU WILL NOT LOOOOOOOOOSE!
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO...
SARIA WAITS FOR YOU...

[I swear, it's almost over... The country music starts again, and Link shoots into one last round of "Maria".]

Link:
She was my buddy when the...
OTHERS WERE JERKS!
Now to the boss chamber where...
HER CAPTOR LURKS!
SARIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII...

[As he bursts into the howling word "Saria", the elevator reaches the basements, where a bunch of Skulltulas, Wolfos, and other monsters are in a long dance line across the room, in which the walls are spinning by themselves. Link can-cans down the line, threatening the monsters with his sword to keep them dancing.]

Navi and Monsters:
Hey Saria, you're one cool kid!
Our friend, Saria!

Link:
... IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIAAAAAAAAA! [immensely deep breath]
YEAH, SARIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII...

Navi and Monsters:
You helped us out, oh yes you did...
Kindly Saria!

Link:
...IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIAAAAA!
SARIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII...

Navi and Monsters:
We'll save you and the Forest Sage!

Link, Navi, Monsters:
SARIA, WE'LL SAVE YOUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU...
[triumphant music builds up for the finale]

Link:
OH, SARIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII...

Navi and Monsters:
HERE WE ARE NOW, GOIN' TO THE THAT SIDE!
FOREST TEMPLE'S OVER, AND WE HAVE YET TO DIE!

Link: [holding it]
... IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII...

Navi and Monsters:
SCARED THE POE SISTERS AWAAAAAY!
SAVE THE FOREST NOW, TODAAAAAAAY!
NOW THE BOSS WE'RE GONNA SLAAAAAAY...
OH YEAH, HE'S GONNA PAAAAAAAAAAY...

Link: [turning blue]
... IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII...

Navi and Monsters:
YEAH, SARIA, HERE WE COME!
KILL THE BOSS, THAT NASTY BUM...
AWAKE THE SAGE AND WE'LL BE DONE...

All:
SAAAARRIIIIIIIIAAAAAAA, WE
PROMISE THAT WE'LL
KILL THE BOSS
AND SARIAAAAAA...
WEEEEEEEEEE'LL...
SAAAAAAAAAVE...
YOUUUUUUUUUUUUU UUUUUUUUU!

[Loud drumbeats and one last guitar lick end the giant frappe song. Hallelujah.]

[All of the monsters vanish instantly, and we're left with a view of Link, stepping slowly towards the ominous-looking boss door, key in hand and Navi close behind. The Chorus sings a dramatic song to accompany him, and he keeps walking ahead, determinedly.]

Navi: Link... are you okay?

Link: [gritting his teeth as he sticks the key in the lock and turns it slowly. The locks disappear magically and the door is open.]

Navi: ... Okay...

Link: [pushes the door open, looks back at Navi] I'm goin' in...

Navi: [smiles weakly] Good job... Don't be afraid.

Link: I'm not afraid anymore... I've got to help Sar-

Navi: [flies over his mouth] NO! NO MORE SINGING! JUST GO INSIDE!

(Scene: The boss arena of the Forest Temple. Made to resemble a strange art gallery, all of the pictures are exactly the same, depicting Ganondorf's new, stylish, modern-décor evil mansion. Link walks slowly into the center of the arena and looks around, pulling his Master Sword from the sheath.]

Link: [yelling] ALL RIGHT, YOU SARIA AND SAGE-SNATCHING BASTARD! GET OUT HERE AND FIGHT LIKE A MAN!

Navi: [hovering near the painting by the stairs leading into the room] Link... please be careful... Those aren't normal paintings on the walls...

Link: [walks towards her] What do you mean?

[Suddenly, a big spiked gate pops up out of the ground where Link had been about to step, narrowly missing Link's vital parts. He leaps backwards in shock]

Link: WHOA! [almost clutching his tights-area in fear]

Navi: ... That's... not good...

Sound FX: NEIGH!

Link: Epona...?

[Very slowly, Link turns around to reveal...]

Link: OO!

[Ganondorf! AAAAAGGGHHH! Riding on his big scary black horse, exactly like Link's recurring dream that later turned into the truth!]

Ganondorf: [snickers evilly]

Link: [goes absolutely pale] AAAAAAAAGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHH!

Navi: AAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHH!

Phantom Ganon: AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAA! [he reaches up towards the back of his head, and rips off a mask to reveal a hideous skeletal face]

Link: NAAAAVIIIIIIIIIIIIIII! YOU DIDN'T TELL ME THAT IT WAS GANONDORF!

Navi: It's NOT Ganondorf, Link! IT'S...

(DUM DUM DUM DUM... DUM DUM... DUM... DUM DUM!)


EVIL SPIRIT FROM BEYOND: PHANTOM GANON!


Link: [tries to leap over the gate] MOOOOOMMYYYYYYYYYYYYY!

Navi: [smacks him] LINK! GET AHOLD OF YOURSELF! YOU'LL NEVER SAVE SARIA IF YOU RUN AWAY!

Link: [crying] I CHANGED MY MIND, LET ME RUN AWAY!

P. Ganon: BWAHAHAHAHAHAAAA!

P. Horsie: NEIGH.

[P. Ganon spurs his horse into the air, and they ride off into one of the paintings on the wall. Seconds later, we see two of the pictures have small images of P. Ganon riding his horse towards Link...]

Navi: THERE! NOW! Shoot him with arrows as he rides out of the painting!

Link: WHICH ONE?! [stumbling and fumbling with his bow]

Navi: THERE! [points to one surrounded by a purple glow as he exits]

Link: OH DEKU TREE, LET MY AIM BE TRUE...

[Link lets an arrow fly and it whacks P. Ganon right in the face. He growls, and turns to ride back into the painting.]

Navi: That's it! That's how to do it! Lather, rinse, repeat!

Link: I get it! THIS ISN'T SO BAD!

[As Navi says, repeat... repeat... yeah. The chorus singers are singing a desperately fast melody as Link fights. Finally, one last arrow burns up P. Ganon's horse, and the spectral sorcerer himself heads out into the center, floating about like a puppet, with a large and painful-looking whacking stick.]

Link: Navi... now what?!

P. Ganon: [charges up a blast of energy, fires it at Link] YAH!

Link: WWWAAAAGH!

Navi: [trying to figure it out] Uh... um... Ah... well... that is...

Link: AIEEEE! [flailing about, Link randomly hits the orb of light and it bounces back at P. Ganon. It hits him, and he falls to the ground, apparently injured.]

Navi: ... YOU FIGURED IT OUT!

Link: I'll say I did! Who needs a fairy? [slices and dices at P. Ganon.]

[The tempo changes to an elegant waltz, and Link begins to sing a duet with P. Ganon]

Link:
Your stick is so big and so sharpy
And your energy balls hurt like mad...
But when the boss fight's like a game of tennis
I can't help but be feeling real glad!

P. Ganon: [singing in an evil voice]
YOUR SWORD IS SO SACRED AND MIGHTY...
IT WHACKS BACK MY POWERS LIKE SO!
MAYBE IF I STRIKE BACK, GIVE THE SAME BALL A WHACK
I CAN CHARGE UP ITS POWER TWOFOLD!

P. Ganon and Navi: [singing and repeating as Link continues]
BOM BIDDY BIDDY BOM BIDDY BIDDY
BOM BOM BOM BOM!
BIDDY BIDDY BIDDY BOM BOM BOM
BIDDY BIDDY BIDDY BOM!

Link:
I was first afraid of your strike!
But it looks like it's my lucky night!
I was afraid you'd blow me to the sky...
But I was the tennis champion at Kokiri Jr. High!
Your powers are scary and mystic...
Your empty sockets are evil and black!
But when the boss fight's like a game of tennis...
I just feel I might give it a whack!

Link and Navi: [singing and repeating as P. Ganon continues]
BOM BIDDY BIDDY BOM BIDDY BIDDY
BOM BOM BOM BOM!
BIDDY BIDDY BIDDY BOM BOM BOM
BIDDY BIDDY BIDDY BOM!

P. Ganon:
A hero like you messes stuff up
For a boss who is evil, like me!
But perhaps if I try to ram into you
You'll die and your friend will not be freed!
The Sage would upset my lord greatly...
So I won't let them awaken, so...
I hate to say this to you my sword-fighting chum
But your life's going to have to go!

All:
BOM BIDDY BIDDY BOM BIDDY BIDDY
BOM BOM BOM BOM!
BIDDY BIDDY BIDDY BOM BOM BOM
BIDDY BIDDY BIDDY BOM!

[A spectacular, special effects laden battle ensues, and both Link and P. Ganon start to sing at once. Navi and the Chorus Singers provide back up with more "bom biddys".]

Link: [at same time as P. Ganon]
At first I was afraid I'd been murdered
But now, it's not too hard to see
I've decided that I just might win this...
If I use my str-at-a-gy-y!

P. Ganon: [... ditto]
I thought you'd be easy and wimpy!
But to die you seem to refuse...
I'm afraid by the end of this song
I'll be dead and gone before long...

Navi and Chorus:
BOM BIDDY BIDDY BOM BIDDY BIDDY
BOM BOM BOM BOM!
BIDDY BIDDY BIDDY BOM BOM BOM
BIDDY BIDDY BIDDY BOM!

Link: [strikes final blow, as the minuet/waltz ends]

P. Ganon: EEERUUURAAAAAGGGGHHHHHHHHHH!

[Flailing about wildly, P. Ganon floats to the center of the arena, where a black hole is forming.]

Ganondorf: [his actual voice] Wow... I must admit, I'm surprised at how well you did, kid!

Link: [drinking a large bottle of water, exhausted, while Navi gives him a backrub]

Navi: Great job, Link! That was spectacular! Truly worthy of the Hero of Time!

Ganondorf: But remember... this was only my phantom. When you fight the REAL me, it won't be so easy! ... Is that proper grammar? The real me? Should it be the real I? Or the real myself? Or just leave off the real and say me... or... AH, SCREW IT! I'M GONNA GET YOU, LINK, I'M GONNA GET YOU! MUAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAAAA! [fades out as the ghost is sucked into the other dimension to do whatever it does that things who are doomed to the other dimension do.]

[Triumphant music plays and the chorus sings along as a warp portal appears.]

Link: ... Wait, Navi!

Navi: What?

Link: What about the Forest Sage?! We never awakened him or her!

Navi: [shrugs] Maybe now that Phantom Ganon is dead, she can hear the awakening call...?

Link: [sighs] And what about Saria? We couldn't find her anywhere...

Navi: [pats Link on the back] Don't worry... Just step in the portal and let's go.

[They do so. :: At this point, please wave your cursor around on the screen and make cool sound effects, such as "DOODLYDOOP! DOODLYDOOP! DOODLYDOOP!" You can also wave your fingers around in front of your face for the full effect.:: )

(Scene: The Chamber of Sages. The chorus is humming the opening chords of "Nowhere Man". We can see faint silhouettes of Rauru and the ancient sages around the circle. Suddenly, they all disappear, and as Link touches down on the Triforce, the Forest Seal begins to glow...)

Rauru and Ancient Sages: [singing faintly in background as the scene goes on]
HERO MAN... PLEASE LISTEN...
HORRIBLE THINGS... YOU WERE MISSIN'...
THE FOREST SAGE... IS AWAKE NOW, TO HELP YOU SAVE THE LAAAA-AA-AA-AAAND...
HERO MAN, DON'T WORRY...
BUT YOU STILL... MUST HURRY...
OUR SALARIES... ARE STILL HERE IN HIGH DEMAAA-AA-AA-AAAAAND...

Link: [looks around] Navi... we're here again?

Navi: Look! The Forest Seal is glowing... that means...

[Highly tense and dramatic music plays as the Sage of Forest rises into the chamber, looking quite official... And as we all know, it's none other than...]

~~~ THE FOLLOWING SCENE HAS BEEN NOMINATED FOR A TONY AWARD FOR ITS SHEER EMOTION AND DRAMA. PLEASE ENJOY. THANK YOU ~~~

Link and Navi: SARIA?!

Saria: [smiles gently, nods her head at Link] Link...

Link: Holy cow, Saria! Are you okay? What are you doing here?

Saria: Thank you... Link. You remember me, don't you?

Link: Of course I remember you, Saria... You're my best friend. And we made that promise that we'd never forget about each other.

Saria: [nods again, stares in slight disbelief at Link] You're all grown up now...

Link: You're... not.

Saria: I always knew you were different from the rest of us, Link... Because I could feel that someday, you would leave the forest and do something great... Like become the Hero of Time.

Link: [turns red] Saria... why did I grow up, if I'm a Kokiri?

Navi: [sobbing quietly into a hankie]

Saria: It's always been our destiny, Link... that you and I aren't from the same world, and we aren't supposed to be in the same world. I am a child of the forest, a Kokiri, and you... well, you aren't.

Link: [shakes his head] But even if I am grown up now, I'm still the same Link you've always known. And I always will be.

Saria: [nods] I know... And I'll always be the same Saria, even if I am the Sage of the Forest.

Link: [eyes widen] YOU'RE THE SAGE OF THE FOREST?

Saria: [giggles] I always have had those weird superpower thingies.

Link: [shuffles uncomfortably] I don't want you to get hurt...

Saria: But Link, now I can fight along with you, as one of the Six Sages! Me and that old guy, what's-his-butt! You've always had the power of my friendship to guide you...

Link: And now...

Saria: Now, I give you the power of the forest, in this medallion.

[Saria raises her hands, and the bright green Forest Medallion falls from the sky of the Chamber. Link catches it, and the Chorus bursts into song.]

Chorus Singers:
JUST TO SHOW...
YOUR FRIENDSHIP'S NOT DIVOR-ECED!
SARIA...
THE SAGE OF THE FOREST!
PRESENTS YOU WITH THIS MEDALLION!
AND ADDS... HER POWER... TO YOURS...

[Gentle harpstrings call in the song that you knew was soooooo coming.]

Saria:
And now... I must say...
GOODBYE... Just for today...
I'll see you when Ganondorf's gone away!

Link:
But why? You can't go...
I need to... Yes, I must know
I can't do it alone! No way!

Saria: [clasps her hands together]
Although it's sad to say...
In this chamber I must stay...
And in the temple... To wait until the day
When the Hero of Time calls upon our Sagey Powers!
Until then, I'll think of you to while away the idle hours...

Link:
Saria... my friend...
I don't want our friendship to end!
I don't want to be the Hero of Time if it means...
You must go...

Saria:
But Link... Don't worry.
Don't you know... It's really true
As long as you're my friend, which is foreeeeveeeerr...
That's as long as I will be... with... you...

Navi: [sobbing quietly]

Link: [smiles gently] Thank you, Saria... For everything.

Saria: Don't be sad, Link! We'll see each other again, when Ganondorf is gone and you've saved Hyrule... But until then, I will help you as a Sage.

[The warp portal begins to glow, and Link and Saria finish the song as he's lifted away.]

Saria:
Link...

Link:
Saria...

Bot h:
Please try to keep a smile...
I'll only be gone...
For a little while...

[Make with the sound effects and the waving and the cursor moving.]

~~~ END OF TONY-AWARD WINNING SCENE ~~~


(Scene: The Great Deku Tree's meadow, where all of this musical idiocy got its start, seven game years ago. The warp portal deposits a sobbing Navi and a Link who is in denial that he was just crying, right in front of the big dead tree, and right on top of what looks like a small sprout in the ground...)

Navi: I can't believe Saria's gone...

Link: [sniffles] But only for a little while... Now, I'm more determined than ever to save Hyrule and kill Ganondorf. When I do defeat him, Saria can come back. And I promise to her, right here, right now [triumphant music] that we will be back together, whatever the cost may be! I shall never surrender to the forces of darkness that try to conquer me! I shall fight bravely and valiantly, striking down the evil creatures that confound me at every turn, roaring and gnashing and trying to scare me into surrender! Well I say, NEVER! NEVER! I WILL FIGHT ON WITH MY MASTER SWORD AND MY SHIELD AND MY TIGHTS AT MY SIDE, WIPING OUT EVERY OBSTACLE IN MY PATH AND CARVING NEW PATHS EVERY CHANCE I GET! ELIMINATING THE OPPONENT AND ERASING ALL TRACES OF GANONDORF FROM...

[Link stops talking for a moment, and sees that Navi is completely oblivious to him, staring at the small sprout in the ground.]

Link: ...y'know, when I deliver a powerful and life-affirming monologue, it would be nice if you would pay attention.

Navi: Link, what's this? It looks like a little plant!

Link: [leans down very close to look at it] ... I think you're right... But why is it growing here, in the shadow of the dead Deku Tree? It won't get any sunlight...

[Miraculous music and singing as suddenly, the sprout whacks Link in the face as it pops out of the ground as a cute little baby tree with a face. Link falls cold and unconscious, and Navi shrieks]

Navi: HOLY COW!

Deku Sprout: [yawns] Hoo boy! I finally did it! I sprouted, at last! The brave Hero of Time and the Sage of Forest destroyed the evil spirit that plagued the forest, and now I am free to grow and flourish! I AM THE DEKU SPROUT, THE SEED OF THE GREAT DEKU TREE!

Navi: ... Whaddya mean, the Sage of Forest helped?! Link and I did everything, all Saria did was get caught!

Deku Sprout: Oh yes, she helped. I know so. I'm the Deku Sprout.

Navi: ... How did she help?

Deku Sprout: I know she did. I could feel it. I'm the Deku Sprout.

Navi: You... said that.

Link: [sits up groggily] I ruin the world... I sleep for seven years... I'm trapped in a future where I don't know what's going on... And now a tree has knocked me out... WHEN DOES IT ALL END?! WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAA!

Deku Sprout: Not just any tree, Link! I'm the Deku Sprout!

Link: Huh? [stands up, rubbing his head] How did you know my name?

Deku Sprout: I'm the Deku Sprout! I know everything that goes on in the forest!

Link: You... know everything about the forest?

Deku Sprout: I'm the Deku...

Navi: OKAAAAAAAAYYYYY. WE KNOWWWWWWWWWW.

Deku Sprout: Thanks, Link! Because of you destroying the ghosts that haunted the Forest Temple, the forest is once again free of spirits and I can grow freely... Now that I, the Deku Sprout am here, the forest shall be peaceful and monster-free again, as it was when you were a child here!

Link: You mean to tell me that you're like the Deku Tree? You'll protect the forest and the Kokiri from Ganondorf?

Deku Sprout: I AM the Deku Tree. The Deku Sprout... The seed of the Deku Tree that was unable to grow because of all the nastiness in the world.

Navi: [giggles] Well, I guess that makes you break even for killing the tree, Link!

Link: [grabs Navi, yells at her] I DID NOT KILL THE TREE! GANONDORF KILLED THE TREE!

Deku Sprout: [chuckles... How can a tree chuckle?] Link...

Link: Yes?

Deku Sprout: Link, I have something very important to tell you before you continue on your quest to save Hyrule as the Hero of Time...

Link: [excited] OH! ... Wait. Is it... Sheik-Important or Annoying Owl-Important?

Deku Sprout: Sheik-Important.

Link: Oh good. [kneels in front of the tree, bows] Oh wise and great Deku Sprout... Please tell me your celestial wisdom...

Deku Sprout: ... Knock it off. Trees can sense sarcasm, y'know.

Link: Oops...

Deku Sprout: Have you seen any of your Kokiri friends?

Link: Yeah, I had an entire musical number with them!

Deku Sprout: But none of them recognized you in your grown-up body, did they?

Link: I don't see why they didn't... After all, I've always been DEAD SEXY. [snorts]

Navi: [rolls eyes]

Deku Sprout: But even after these seven years, they're all still kids! That's because the Kokiri never grow up!

Navi: ... Again, something that we already knew that could qualify as "the bleeding obvious".

Deku Sprout: So you must be wondering why you did grow up...

Link: [eyes widen]

Deku Sprout: It's because...

Navi: [pops up in the air, point at Link] YOU'RE NOT A KOKIRI!

Link: [evil glare] SHUT YO MOUTH! I AM TOO!

Navi: Y'are not!

Link: Am too!

Navi: Are not!

Link: Am...

Deku Sprout: AHEM.

Link and Navi: [immediately pay attention] SORRY!

Deku Sprout: Navi's right, Link. You're not a Kokiri.

[Crisis music plays, and Link lets out a shriek, clutching at the sides of his face and his eyes going bloodshot]

Link: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO...

Deku Sprout: You are actually a HYLIAN!

Navi: TOLD YA!

Link: [still screaming] ...OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO...

[Link continues his unending scream for quite a while, while the sprout and Navi watch uncomfortably, shifting around and generally looking awkward. Finally, the sprout bursts out into song, to the tune of the song "Truth" from Utena. That's a mighty good song there, and the author suggests you go download it right now and do a happy dance when you do get it.]

Deku Sprout:
IT'S THE TRUTH!
My friend, you see!
YOU ARE NOT A KOKIRI!
You're a Hylian from the lands beyoooooond!
And it's really not so bad!
And you should not be so sad!
YOU'RE SO COOL...
YOUR STATUS COULD RIVAL JAMES BOND!

[A bunch of leaves and sticks and stuff fall off of the Deku Tree (the old dead one) and start dancing around Link, Navi and the sprout magically. A whole bunch of pink fairies flutter out of the forest around them, as well as some of those crazy sparkly things that are all over the forest. Link looks stunned as the sprout continues singing, backed up by the sticks, leaves, fairies and Navi, who is at the center of the fairy dance line and floating right above the sprout.]

[There are sparkly sound effects as the sprout begins to flashback. We see the events happen as he sings them.]

Deku Sprout:
Years ago, I mean...
In fact, almost seventeen
A great war was raging on in old Hyrule...
Fires burned across the land
Many soldiers at the king's hand
Giving orders to destroy some things!

Backup:
OOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHH...

Deku Sprout:
Though the forest stayed untouched, peaceful and true...
No one else could come here, so there's not much they could do!
People died every day!
Got their stuff taken away!
It pretty much sucked to live in this place!

[Lasers. Ooh, pretty... In the flashback, we see a woman wearing a tattered cloak and carrying a small bundle wander into the forest...]

Deku Sprout and Backup:
IT'S THE TRUTH!
A woman came!
Though we didn't know her name!
She was holding just a tiny lil' baby!
She'd been wounded in the war!
To the tree, she did implore
That he... take care of her tiny baby...

[After the chorus, the song starts to slow down into an interlude that will make all of you cry. A lot.]

Backup:
OOOOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHH...
OOOOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHH HH...
OOOOOO... OOOOOOOOOHHHHHH...

[To the tune of "Baby Mine" from Dumbo... OH NO! NOT THIS SONG!!!!!]

Link's Mommy: [cradling her son... (sniffle)]
Baby mine... don't you cry...
Baby mine... dry your eye...
There's no war in the place that we are...
We've gone so far...
Baby of mine...
Baby mine... Don't be scared...
Brush your teeth... wash your hair...
I'll find you a place to stay...
'Fore I pass away...
Baby of mine...

[In the flashback, we see the Deku Tree and Link's Mommy talking]

Deku Tree:
Lady please, go away...
In this place, you can't stay...
Forbidden this place shall be!
The Kokiri!
You cannot stay!

Link's Mommy:
Deku Tree...
Please, I beg thee!
I've been wounded, so I did flee...
I hold my son in my right hand
My guts in the other...
Take care of him...
As a last request...
From his...
Mother...

Deku Tree: [raindrops falling down through his leaves... I guess that means he's crying?]
Rest in peace, lady dear!
I'll raise your son, never fear!
[reaches out with a vine to take baby Link]

Link's Mommy: [hands him over to the vine]
You are so precious to me...
My little Link...
Baby of mine...

Backup:
BABY MINE... BABY MINE... BAAAAABYYYYY MIIIIIINE...

[Flashback ends, and we see Link, crying his eyes out in front of the sprout. The lights are dimmed down low, and the members of the fairy dance line are consoling each other with large hankies.]

Link: My mommy... brought me here?

Deku Sprout: She was wounded in the war, and wanted you to have a chance at life. So she dropped you off here before she died.

Link: That's so sweet... [SOB] WAAAAAAAAAAA...

[Slow pounding drums gradually speed up and get back into the song]

Deku Sprout:
Your mommy wanted you to have a chance at peaceful life
So she dropped you here and the Deku Tree knew...
You were a boy of destiny!

Chorus Singers:
DEEEEEEEEEESSSTIIIIIIIINYYYYYYY!

Deku Sprout:
It was easy, he could see!
That you'd go down in Hyrule's History!
GANONDORF HAS COME, he must pay for his crimes!
BUT, HEY, JUST OUR LUCK!
Link, turns out you're the Hero of Time!
Don't be melancholy!
This is your destiny!

Chorus Singers:
DEEEEEEEEEESSSTIIIIIIIINYYYYYYY!

Deku Sprout:
NOW YOUR PATH'S SET OUT FOR YOU TO SEE!

[Lasers!]

Deku Sprout and Backup:
IT'S THE TRUTH!
Hard to believe!
But you were always meant to leave!
You may have grown up here, but feel free to wander!
You can travel 'round the world!
Now your dreams can be unfurled!
YOU ALWAYS SAID...
You felt like you didn't belong...
IT'S THE TRUTH!
You silly fool!
You were born to save Hyrule!
Now there're other Sages needing your rescue!
FIND THEIR TEMPLES, CLEAN THEM OUT!
Then the people all will shout
"OUR HERO LINK!
WE KNEW THAT HE COULD SAVE THE..."

Navi:
DAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA Y-AY-AYYYYYYYYYYYYY!

[The spectacular dancing showcase continues as Link stands up and places his hands on his hips, launching into a mid-song monologue.]

Link: You're right, Deku Sprout... My mother knew that I would be important for the destiny--

Chorus Singers:
DEEEEEEEEEESSSTIIIIIIIINYYYYYYY!

Link: ... That's getting pretty old... -- Of Hyrule someday! I won't let her down! I won't let Hyrule down! I'm finally realizing, even if I don't want to be the Hero of Time, I've got to, so there's no use whining about it! Navi, let's go! We've got to head out into the world and find the rest of the Sages!

Navi: ALL RIIIIIIIIGHT! WAY TO GO, LINK!

Link: Thanks, Deku Sprout! For everything!

Deku Sprout: No problem, Link! Now go... Go, fulfill your des...

Navi: [shakes head rapidly]

Deku Sprout: Er... uh... Your FATE... Fulfill your fate and save the world!

[Link and Navi head out of the forest, while the leaves, sticks, fairies, and sparkly things swirl around him and they all sing.]

All:
IT'S THE TRUTH!
Your past is wrong!
And you don't have very long!
Got to wake up all those Sages and QUICKLY!
Your Master Sword is at your side!
It's your partner and your pride...
SMITE THE EVIL...
Just whack it and it'll prolly die...
IT'S THE TRUTH!
You know the way!
It's your time to save the day!
Remember that "Someday" song from the very first chapter?
WELL, TODAY IS THAT SOMEDAY!
YOUR LUCKY STAR WILL GUIDE THE WAY...
LINKY, HEY...
YOUR DESTINY'S CALLING TO-

Navi:
DAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY-AY-AY-AYYY YYYYYYYY!

Chorus Singers:
DEEEEEEEEEESSSTIIIIIIIINYYYYYYY!

[The wild rock and roll continues as Link and Navi speed out of the forest. Link holds up the Forest Medallion triumphantly, and they continue along the road, smiling at each other and dancing to the song.]

Saria: [voice echoes across the stage, a big fuzzy quasi-transparent picture of her appears as if in a dream] I believe in you, Link... Hero of Time...


~*~*~*~*~*~*~* END OF SCENE FIFTEEN *~*~*~*~*~*~*~