Fan Fiction ❯ I Know There Is More To You ❯ The First Journal ( Chapter 14 )

[ X - Adult: No readers under 18. Contains Graphic Adult Themes/Extreme violence. ]

Josh sat by himself, awake now after the long night he'd had before. Mary was out for the day, the urgency of class registration taking priority, unfortunately. He was sitting at a desk, looking into a notepad, his hand busily scribbling across the pages, making marks that would hardly qualify as words. Of course, he could read it clear as crystal.

"I haven't been able to write like this for a while...I miss getting an outlet sometimes, even if I don't use it that much," he said quietly to himself.

The room he sat in was dimly lit, stars shown through the window, obviously implying that it was nighttime. A full, silvery-white moon rested in the sky just above him. The moment was so serene and comfortable to him that he had to wonder if it was only a dream.

Its beautiful...though I do wish she was here right now.

His eyes skimmed slowly over the few pages that he'd written, and he kept on going, occasionally speaking out to himself in the very words he wrote.

"Life isn't supposed to be easy, but its supposed to be enjoyable. People used to tell me that all the time. I assume that means I really am alive, seeing as how my life has been hard as hell, but at the same time...has become more enjoyable ever since I've tried to move on. But that does bring another thing to mind for me.
Is being in love the only way to truly be alive? Love can change your entire life and the way you look at it. Its extremely enjoyable, but at the same time, it won't always be easy. At times, it seems like there is no other thing that can be so enjoyable and yet sometimes so difficult at the same time...though that isn't what love is about. Its just a relation to this example, really.
So what is love about then? Heh. Nevermind that. Its a question I'd rather not touch on. I simply say to myself at times like this, "No reason for the season, I just feel like it."

Josh set down his pencil for a moment, getting a drink and then sitting back down, his eyes a bit quizzical, a soft smile on his face.

"So anyway...the past few months. They've been odd to say the least. In my opinion, there's been a little too much recoil from the past, but there have been a few good things. I guess I can start back at the pet shop...that foul, accursed place where this all began. If there is such a thing as a divine goddess of fate, then I've met her. She intervened, walking into the shop one day and buying me, right out of the blue. Who would've thought that being sold to someone could be such a blessing? I almost thought it was a joke at first, honestly. So did the shopkeeper...but he was just a greedy bastard, so he didn't think twice about this act of so called "slavery".
Then again, I found out right away that I wasn't a slave at all. Somehow, to this girl, I'd become a cherished friend. All I was then...all I am now even is a muttish dog that doesn't have any purpose in life. But back then, I had nothing to live for, really. Now I had a friend, a very close and special friend. Someone who took care of me, put clothes on my back, and food on my plate...almost like she was my caretaker. It wasn't long before I had much deeper feelings for her. Of course, I could hardly understand it...I'd never been in love before that, I don't think. Another problem with that is I had no idea of how to tell her, really...but it happened soon enough, as if I had no control. I couldn't stop it...wouldn't have if I could.
...............Guess I lied a bit there. Come to think of it, Dende would be my "first love", as people call it, but thats an abstract concept anyway, and I was a young moron. I didn't know much about what society considers to be appropriate, and I didn't care...but...enough on that little subject. I don't want to dig back into it.
Moving along...things only got heavier from there. As I'd expected, living with someone can get a bit shaky at times, and we each had some frustration that we just couldn't handle at times. Its good to get these things out...but its bad to hurt someone you love. And sometimes thats how I felt...I felt like I was taking all my anger out on her. And as time went by, things got more serious between us...I tried to act like I didn't notice, but evantually my romantic side took almost all control, aided by my instincts...and finally, we made love. I can't think of a time when I felt more literal pleasure in my body...but at the same time, I felt a deep sense of connection to her...I felt so safe, so serene...almost like being born again. It was a romantic passion that I couldn't even begin to describe in words...so I guess I won't try.
They say that good things can't last forever. And of course, they had to be right. Even that moment of romantic bliss wasn't enough to keep down my inner pain, something I needed to let out but never did. Of course the next few days were filled with me running and hiding, crying to myself...and evantually killing something, relentlessly. I got to tie loose ends with Dende though, which I was glad for. And in the end of it all...well...here I am now, writing these words that no one will ever read. Guess that is the end of it..."

Josh put his signature at the bottom of the page and closed the notebook, then closed his eyes and rested his head on it, finding he was still rather exhausted from the events of the previous days. Just after he fell asleep there, a certain kitty arrived home, walking over to his sleeping figure and petted him softly, stroking his ears a bit before giving him a light kiss on the cheek and heading to her own bed, allowing the poor, tired pup to rest.

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Wow. Talk about a long time to not update in. Guess I got a bit lazy. After I got back from camp I nearly lost all track of time, that, and the fact that I've been restricted from the computer a lot. I'd rather not talk about it, of course. Hope everyone likes the chapter.