Fan Fiction ❯ Illusia ❯ Sawyer - A Disturbed Mind 4 ( Chapter 21 )
[ T - Teen: Not suitable for readers under 13 ]
By: Serenitychan13 
Chapter 4: It Should Be Gentle
Anime/Manga: Fan Fiction | Genre(s): / Suspense / Supernatural / Romance / Fantasy / Action / Angst / Drama | Type: Other | Uploaded On: 01.24.2004 | Pages: 2 | Words: 1.3K | Visits: 167 | Status: Completed
Chapter 4: It Should Be Gentle
Anime/Manga: Fan Fiction | Genre(s): / Suspense / Supernatural / Romance / Fantasy / Action / Angst / Drama | Type: Other | Uploaded On: 01.24.2004 | Pages: 2 | Words: 1.3K | Visits: 167 | Status: Completed
Chapter 4
A few anxious hours later, she began to wake up. I had been in a half-asleep state and I jolted a little when I smelled blood a few inches from my face. Slowly, trying to keep in control of myself, I opened my eyes. Huge lavender orbs stared back at me. The smell, I realized, was the blood that still lingered in her mouth. Her breath smelled like blood. I was rapidly losing what little control I had left.
Still moving slowly, I eased my arms more tightly around her, keeping her close to me in a vice-like grip. My hunger was taking over. I leaned in closer to her, my lips inches from hers, ready to ease that painful hunger. The only thing stopping me was an accidental glance at her eyes. She still looked so innocent, though her eyes were wide in terror.
My hunger wasn’t worth sacrificing her innocence. And it most certainly wasn’t worth stealing her first kiss. I couldn’t do it; I didn’t love her that way. I stopped less than an inch from her lips. I could still smell the blood on her breath. It was intoxicating almost beyond my dwindling control.
I heard her soft voice stuttering at me…
“S-Sawyer? Wh-what were you d-doing?”
On hearing the fear in her soft, uncertain voice, I nearly broke down. It was all I could do to keep the tremor out of my own voice as I told her “I’m so sorry, Princess…”
“I should have never… I nearly…,” I paused, taking a deep breath. “Princess, there is something I should have told you from the start…”
Wide lavender eyes stared up at me fearfully.
“Are you… dangerous or something?” she asked softly.
I was shocked at how much intuition she had for such an innocent. I took another deep breath and looked away. I couldn’t meet those huge lavender eyes that could squeeze my heart so tight with their expressions that I thought it would burst. There was no way I could look at her if I was ever going to get this out.
“I can be… but only if…”
“If what?” she asked, her voice barely more than a breath.
“If I get hungry…”
I closed my eyes, waiting for her to scream and struggle out of my arms. The scream and struggle never came. The only sound I heard was a small sniffle. The only thing I felt was her arms winding around me, her face pressing into my chest. It took me several moments to realize that she was crying softly. I was shocked.
What? Could she be crying… for me?
“What is it? Why are you crying? Aren’t you scared of me?”
She lifted a tear-streaked and blood-stained face to look into my eyes. Apparently, she had been leaning on the same spot where she had been coughing up blood.
“You don’t have a family, do you? You’ve always been alone, haven’t you?”
I froze. She was dangerously close to discovering my mission.
“True, I never had a family, but I have…”
She didn’t let me finish saying that indeed I hadn’t.
“That’s why I’m crying…”
I tilted my head and frowned at her.
“I don’t understand -”
She cut me off, saying:
“Nobody, no matter who or what they are should go through life with no one to care about them. Nobody should be without friends. And nobody should grow up never knowing what family love is.”
A single tear landed on my chest, blending with the blood stain.
I was shocked beyond belief, though I tried not to show it. Somehow I suspect I failed miserably. Her next question couldn’t tell me if she noticed or not.
“Sawyer? Could you at least answer one question?”
“What is it?”
“Why?”
“Why what?”
“Why are you dangerous?”
She still managed to surprise me with her innocence.
I looked away again. I was almost afraid to tell her. I was almost afraid that if she knew about me, what I really was, that she would be too scared to even look at me. Part of my heart told me that it wasn’t possible, that she was too sweet to do that. That was enough to convince me. She had to know the truth eventually anyway. Taking a deep breath, I looked down into her lavender eyes.
“I… am a vampire…”
She gasped softly. I braced myself again. Now that she knew what I was, surely she was going to panic. Again, my mental preparations were put to shame as she lowered her head to rest peacefully against my chest, right over my heart. I wondered if she noticed my heartbeat racing.
“Vampire or not, you have a soothing heartbeat,” she said softly. “It means you have a good heart.”
“I’m just afraid of what could happen to you if I lost control. I’ve let myself get too close to you. I should go…”
I made to get up, but she was still firmly planted in my lap. I tried to move her, but found that she refused to be moved.
“So you would just leave me?”
“It would be safer for you if I wasn’t here.”
“It’s cold,” she started off almost begging but trailed off. She started again, this time sounding sad and scared. “And without you, I’d be all alone… and… I don’t want to be alone again…”
She was so trusting, never thinking that she was playing right into my hands. I knew full well that I wouldn’t leave her now, not when I still didn’t have all I was looking for. It was only a good thing for me that she was such an innocent. I still had to play along.
“But, I can’t get close to you… I don’t want to hurt you… Don’t you realize that getting too close to me could have deadly consequences? For both of us.”
“Never be afraid to make friends,” she said simply, as though it were just so obvious.
“But aren’t you afraid of what could happen to you?”
“No,” she said in a voice so soft, it was scarcely more than a breath. “I trust you.”
I tightened my grip around her, letting myself be overcome with emotion for the first time that I could remember in so long. I just let myself rock back and forth, stroking her back and whispering to her.
“You don’t know how much it means for you to trust me… For the first time, I feel like I have a family… You’re like my little sister…”
I stopped dead still, smelling blood again. As she had warmed up in my arms, her blood had started flowing regularly again. She coughed and blood once again spattered my chest. I tilted her face up towards mine and looked down into her eyes, silently begging her to understand. I was hovering on the edge of my control. My voice came out low and hoarse as I asked:
“Princess, how much do you trust me?”
She looked up at me with those sad lavender eyes for a long time, blinking slowly, and finally said in her softest voice ever:
“With my life.”
A few anxious hours later, she began to wake up. I had been in a half-asleep state and I jolted a little when I smelled blood a few inches from my face. Slowly, trying to keep in control of myself, I opened my eyes. Huge lavender orbs stared back at me. The smell, I realized, was the blood that still lingered in her mouth. Her breath smelled like blood. I was rapidly losing what little control I had left.
Still moving slowly, I eased my arms more tightly around her, keeping her close to me in a vice-like grip. My hunger was taking over. I leaned in closer to her, my lips inches from hers, ready to ease that painful hunger. The only thing stopping me was an accidental glance at her eyes. She still looked so innocent, though her eyes were wide in terror.
My hunger wasn’t worth sacrificing her innocence. And it most certainly wasn’t worth stealing her first kiss. I couldn’t do it; I didn’t love her that way. I stopped less than an inch from her lips. I could still smell the blood on her breath. It was intoxicating almost beyond my dwindling control.
I heard her soft voice stuttering at me…
“S-Sawyer? Wh-what were you d-doing?”
On hearing the fear in her soft, uncertain voice, I nearly broke down. It was all I could do to keep the tremor out of my own voice as I told her “I’m so sorry, Princess…”
“I should have never… I nearly…,” I paused, taking a deep breath. “Princess, there is something I should have told you from the start…”
Wide lavender eyes stared up at me fearfully.
“Are you… dangerous or something?” she asked softly.
I was shocked at how much intuition she had for such an innocent. I took another deep breath and looked away. I couldn’t meet those huge lavender eyes that could squeeze my heart so tight with their expressions that I thought it would burst. There was no way I could look at her if I was ever going to get this out.
“I can be… but only if…”
“If what?” she asked, her voice barely more than a breath.
“If I get hungry…”
I closed my eyes, waiting for her to scream and struggle out of my arms. The scream and struggle never came. The only sound I heard was a small sniffle. The only thing I felt was her arms winding around me, her face pressing into my chest. It took me several moments to realize that she was crying softly. I was shocked.
What? Could she be crying… for me?
“What is it? Why are you crying? Aren’t you scared of me?”
She lifted a tear-streaked and blood-stained face to look into my eyes. Apparently, she had been leaning on the same spot where she had been coughing up blood.
“You don’t have a family, do you? You’ve always been alone, haven’t you?”
I froze. She was dangerously close to discovering my mission.
“True, I never had a family, but I have…”
She didn’t let me finish saying that indeed I hadn’t.
“That’s why I’m crying…”
I tilted my head and frowned at her.
“I don’t understand -”
She cut me off, saying:
“Nobody, no matter who or what they are should go through life with no one to care about them. Nobody should be without friends. And nobody should grow up never knowing what family love is.”
A single tear landed on my chest, blending with the blood stain.
I was shocked beyond belief, though I tried not to show it. Somehow I suspect I failed miserably. Her next question couldn’t tell me if she noticed or not.
“Sawyer? Could you at least answer one question?”
“What is it?”
“Why?”
“Why what?”
“Why are you dangerous?”
She still managed to surprise me with her innocence.
I looked away again. I was almost afraid to tell her. I was almost afraid that if she knew about me, what I really was, that she would be too scared to even look at me. Part of my heart told me that it wasn’t possible, that she was too sweet to do that. That was enough to convince me. She had to know the truth eventually anyway. Taking a deep breath, I looked down into her lavender eyes.
“I… am a vampire…”
She gasped softly. I braced myself again. Now that she knew what I was, surely she was going to panic. Again, my mental preparations were put to shame as she lowered her head to rest peacefully against my chest, right over my heart. I wondered if she noticed my heartbeat racing.
“Vampire or not, you have a soothing heartbeat,” she said softly. “It means you have a good heart.”
“I’m just afraid of what could happen to you if I lost control. I’ve let myself get too close to you. I should go…”
I made to get up, but she was still firmly planted in my lap. I tried to move her, but found that she refused to be moved.
“So you would just leave me?”
“It would be safer for you if I wasn’t here.”
“It’s cold,” she started off almost begging but trailed off. She started again, this time sounding sad and scared. “And without you, I’d be all alone… and… I don’t want to be alone again…”
She was so trusting, never thinking that she was playing right into my hands. I knew full well that I wouldn’t leave her now, not when I still didn’t have all I was looking for. It was only a good thing for me that she was such an innocent. I still had to play along.
“But, I can’t get close to you… I don’t want to hurt you… Don’t you realize that getting too close to me could have deadly consequences? For both of us.”
“Never be afraid to make friends,” she said simply, as though it were just so obvious.
“But aren’t you afraid of what could happen to you?”
“No,” she said in a voice so soft, it was scarcely more than a breath. “I trust you.”
I tightened my grip around her, letting myself be overcome with emotion for the first time that I could remember in so long. I just let myself rock back and forth, stroking her back and whispering to her.
“You don’t know how much it means for you to trust me… For the first time, I feel like I have a family… You’re like my little sister…”
I stopped dead still, smelling blood again. As she had warmed up in my arms, her blood had started flowing regularly again. She coughed and blood once again spattered my chest. I tilted her face up towards mine and looked down into her eyes, silently begging her to understand. I was hovering on the edge of my control. My voice came out low and hoarse as I asked:
“Princess, how much do you trust me?”
She looked up at me with those sad lavender eyes for a long time, blinking slowly, and finally said in her softest voice ever:
“With my life.”