Fan Fiction ❯ Illusia ❯ Terran - A Love Found 7 ( Chapter 37 )
[ T - Teen: Not suitable for readers under 13 ]
By: Serenitychan13 
Chapter 7: Emotions Restrained and Released
Anime/Manga: Fan Fiction | Genre(s): / Suspense / Supernatural / Romance / Fantasy / Action / Angst / Drama | Type: Other | Uploaded On: 01.25.2004 | Pages: 1 | Words: 1.4K | Visits: 165 | Status: Completed
Chapter 7: Emotions Restrained and Released
Anime/Manga: Fan Fiction | Genre(s): / Suspense / Supernatural / Romance / Fantasy / Action / Angst / Drama | Type: Other | Uploaded On: 01.25.2004 | Pages: 1 | Words: 1.4K | Visits: 165 | Status: Completed
Chapter 7
“Not a bit,” she said softly. “I felt a breath of cool air on my throat. He held me, but it wasn’t like being here with you. It was mostly just to try and keep me relaxed. The only part that wasn’t entirely pleasant was the bite itself, but I barely felt it. After a few seconds, I started to feel very tired. Another thirty seconds and everything was getting dark. I just couldn’t fight off the tired feeling anymore and I lost consciousness from exhaustion.”
“What happened when you woke up? You said something about him trying to take his own life…”
“Mmhm… Well, I started to see everything getting lighter and clearer,” she started off slowly. “I had his trench coat wrapped around me and I knew he had it on before. I couldn’t see him right off. As my eyes adjusted to the dim light, I could see him silhouetted in the moonlight, but he looked different than usual. He turned a little and I got a better look at him… His katana was pointed at his own heart and there was blood dripping off the blade.”
My heart stopped for about a second. That must have been traumatic… I couldn’t stand seeing blood… I hated to think of what must have gone through her mind…
“What did you do?”
“I hurt all over because I was still so tired and I knew I couldn’t get up,” she said softly. “So I just yelled ‘STOP’ and he dropped his katana. He had been holding it by the thick part of the blade, where it’s supposed to be dull. Well it was sharp enough to split the palm of his hand open. That’s why there was blood on the blade. When he saw me push myself up out of his coat, he didn’t say a word. He just wrapped his arms around me and he was shaking. I asked why he would even think about taking his own life. He said he couldn’t have lived with himself if he had killed me… and he thought he had. I just said ‘But you didn’t’.”
“You care about him, don’t you?”
She nodded, accidentally dumping the pest out of her lap as she drew her knees up to her chest and sat back against the large limb. Looking thoroughly annoyed, the little pest hopped off to another branch then another, finally disappearing into the snow-covered forest. Ignoring the disturbance, I reached out to tilt her face up to mine. She stared at me with a blank look in her eyes. I thought I saw tears, but she blinked slowly and none escaped.
“Illusia?”
She didn’t answer, didn’t even blink. Gently, I stroked her cheek. She didn’t move or speak. The only response I was able to coax out of her was the soft catch in her breath when my hand first touched her face. I leaned closer to her and kissed her tenderly. She closed her eyes, barely breathing. I pulled back just as she was opening her eyes. I was shocked and horrified at what I saw. Her pupils were so dilated that only a thin ring of lavender was visible. I wondered if she could see.
Shock turned to worry.
“Illusia… Oh… sweetheart, what happened to you?”
I reached to wrap my arms around her. Her skin felt like ice as I pulled her totally limp body close to my chest. At least she wasn’t turning blue, so she was definitely alive. As she lay still, cradled in my arms, all she did was blink slowly. That horrible blank look never left her eyes.
Worry turned to fear.
Forcing back my fear, I tried to think about this rationally. There had to be some kind of logical explanation for all this. She was staring again. I noticed that her gaze never left my eyes, though I wasn’t sure of whether or not she could see me. Maybe she was trying to tell me that she could only communicate via thoughts. After all, it seemed similar to when her body shut itself down after her unfortunate encounter with Sawyer. Her mind had been unaffected by the lack of energy.
‘Illusia? Can you hear me?’
I was worried by the amount of time she took to answer.
“Terran?”
‘Yes… It’s me… Are you alright?”
“I don’t know… Terran, I’m so scared… What’s happening to me? Am I dying?”
My heart tightened painfully. I had no clue what was going on. For all I knew, she could be dying and I might be powerless to stop it. Still, I couldn’t worry her.
‘I don’t think you’re dying…’
“Then what the f*ck is happening to me!? Why can’t I see your face!?”
I relaxed a little. This was my Illusia and somehow, she was going to be alright. Or so I tried to convince myself. I chose to ignore her, ahem, language.
‘Do you remember what happened after the incident with Sawyer?’
“Did you really have to bring that up?”
‘I remember that your body shut down almost to death because of how much he drained from you… Part of the reason for the shut-down may have been because of how it hit your heart. You were experiencing the extreme emotional strain that came from being betrayed like that by someone you care about.’
“No… I would know if it was just a shut-down… It’s comfortable and light in a shut-down. Here, it’s dark and I feel like I can barely breathe… You can’t imagine what it feels like when I open my eyes and I can’t see. I can’t move… I can’t hear… The worst part is, I can’t even feel your touch… But at least you could get through to my thoughts.”
Though her body stayed just the same as it was, cold and still, I could hear the sound of her crying as if her heart would break. I just hoped it hadn’t already. Each sob felt like it was piercing my heart… It was hurting me so badly that I couldn’t kiss away her tears because her sweet face stayed pale, blank and expressionless.
It was breaking my heart to know that she couldn’t even feel my touch as I held her close to comfort her.
It was killing me to hear her crying inside.
‘Illusia, I think all the emotional stress and pain that you were keeping locked inside your heart finally caught up with you. You wouldn’t let anyone comfort you when you really needed someone to lean on. You refused to let yourself cry when you needed nothing more than to cry your heart out. You know I would have held you the entire time…”
“But to cry is to show everyone how WEAK I am!”
‘No honey, to cry is to let go of the emotional burden that you carry in your heart and mind… Think about it this way: If you let yourself cry it out, it goes away and you become stronger in your heart for it. If you keep it inside, it continues to hurt you. As you experience more pains and heartaches, they build up in your heart… You eventually will reach a point where you just can’t take it anymore. This is when it is most important to let it out. If you force it to stay inside for too long… Well look at what happened to you! Do you think it shows more weakness to shed a few tears and let it go or to be lying here completely helpless in my arms!?’
I felt tears running down my face.
“Not a bit,” she said softly. “I felt a breath of cool air on my throat. He held me, but it wasn’t like being here with you. It was mostly just to try and keep me relaxed. The only part that wasn’t entirely pleasant was the bite itself, but I barely felt it. After a few seconds, I started to feel very tired. Another thirty seconds and everything was getting dark. I just couldn’t fight off the tired feeling anymore and I lost consciousness from exhaustion.”
“What happened when you woke up? You said something about him trying to take his own life…”
“Mmhm… Well, I started to see everything getting lighter and clearer,” she started off slowly. “I had his trench coat wrapped around me and I knew he had it on before. I couldn’t see him right off. As my eyes adjusted to the dim light, I could see him silhouetted in the moonlight, but he looked different than usual. He turned a little and I got a better look at him… His katana was pointed at his own heart and there was blood dripping off the blade.”
My heart stopped for about a second. That must have been traumatic… I couldn’t stand seeing blood… I hated to think of what must have gone through her mind…
“What did you do?”
“I hurt all over because I was still so tired and I knew I couldn’t get up,” she said softly. “So I just yelled ‘STOP’ and he dropped his katana. He had been holding it by the thick part of the blade, where it’s supposed to be dull. Well it was sharp enough to split the palm of his hand open. That’s why there was blood on the blade. When he saw me push myself up out of his coat, he didn’t say a word. He just wrapped his arms around me and he was shaking. I asked why he would even think about taking his own life. He said he couldn’t have lived with himself if he had killed me… and he thought he had. I just said ‘But you didn’t’.”
“You care about him, don’t you?”
She nodded, accidentally dumping the pest out of her lap as she drew her knees up to her chest and sat back against the large limb. Looking thoroughly annoyed, the little pest hopped off to another branch then another, finally disappearing into the snow-covered forest. Ignoring the disturbance, I reached out to tilt her face up to mine. She stared at me with a blank look in her eyes. I thought I saw tears, but she blinked slowly and none escaped.
“Illusia?”
She didn’t answer, didn’t even blink. Gently, I stroked her cheek. She didn’t move or speak. The only response I was able to coax out of her was the soft catch in her breath when my hand first touched her face. I leaned closer to her and kissed her tenderly. She closed her eyes, barely breathing. I pulled back just as she was opening her eyes. I was shocked and horrified at what I saw. Her pupils were so dilated that only a thin ring of lavender was visible. I wondered if she could see.
Shock turned to worry.
“Illusia… Oh… sweetheart, what happened to you?”
I reached to wrap my arms around her. Her skin felt like ice as I pulled her totally limp body close to my chest. At least she wasn’t turning blue, so she was definitely alive. As she lay still, cradled in my arms, all she did was blink slowly. That horrible blank look never left her eyes.
Worry turned to fear.
Forcing back my fear, I tried to think about this rationally. There had to be some kind of logical explanation for all this. She was staring again. I noticed that her gaze never left my eyes, though I wasn’t sure of whether or not she could see me. Maybe she was trying to tell me that she could only communicate via thoughts. After all, it seemed similar to when her body shut itself down after her unfortunate encounter with Sawyer. Her mind had been unaffected by the lack of energy.
‘Illusia? Can you hear me?’
I was worried by the amount of time she took to answer.
“Terran?”
‘Yes… It’s me… Are you alright?”
“I don’t know… Terran, I’m so scared… What’s happening to me? Am I dying?”
My heart tightened painfully. I had no clue what was going on. For all I knew, she could be dying and I might be powerless to stop it. Still, I couldn’t worry her.
‘I don’t think you’re dying…’
“Then what the f*ck is happening to me!? Why can’t I see your face!?”
I relaxed a little. This was my Illusia and somehow, she was going to be alright. Or so I tried to convince myself. I chose to ignore her, ahem, language.
‘Do you remember what happened after the incident with Sawyer?’
“Did you really have to bring that up?”
‘I remember that your body shut down almost to death because of how much he drained from you… Part of the reason for the shut-down may have been because of how it hit your heart. You were experiencing the extreme emotional strain that came from being betrayed like that by someone you care about.’
“No… I would know if it was just a shut-down… It’s comfortable and light in a shut-down. Here, it’s dark and I feel like I can barely breathe… You can’t imagine what it feels like when I open my eyes and I can’t see. I can’t move… I can’t hear… The worst part is, I can’t even feel your touch… But at least you could get through to my thoughts.”
Though her body stayed just the same as it was, cold and still, I could hear the sound of her crying as if her heart would break. I just hoped it hadn’t already. Each sob felt like it was piercing my heart… It was hurting me so badly that I couldn’t kiss away her tears because her sweet face stayed pale, blank and expressionless.
It was breaking my heart to know that she couldn’t even feel my touch as I held her close to comfort her.
It was killing me to hear her crying inside.
‘Illusia, I think all the emotional stress and pain that you were keeping locked inside your heart finally caught up with you. You wouldn’t let anyone comfort you when you really needed someone to lean on. You refused to let yourself cry when you needed nothing more than to cry your heart out. You know I would have held you the entire time…”
“But to cry is to show everyone how WEAK I am!”
‘No honey, to cry is to let go of the emotional burden that you carry in your heart and mind… Think about it this way: If you let yourself cry it out, it goes away and you become stronger in your heart for it. If you keep it inside, it continues to hurt you. As you experience more pains and heartaches, they build up in your heart… You eventually will reach a point where you just can’t take it anymore. This is when it is most important to let it out. If you force it to stay inside for too long… Well look at what happened to you! Do you think it shows more weakness to shed a few tears and let it go or to be lying here completely helpless in my arms!?’
I felt tears running down my face.