Fan Fiction ❯ Life is Cruel ❯ Part 5 ( Chapter 5 )

A week or two passed, I'm not really sure exactly how much time it was, but it was enough for school to start. For once I was grateful. Ever since the first day I moved in with my brother, he'd been raping me twice a day on average. It was always the same, he'd rape me at night then sleep, his softened member still inside of me, and then wake the next morning and rape me again. The only time he broke the pattern, was if he was home late, or if he raped me in the middle of the day.

At least if I was at school, he might stop raping me so often. Although, it was more like he was fucking me, rather than raping. Much to my own protest, when he was with me, I found I was almost glad it happened twice a day. Even though it's my brother, I discovered that it was sex and it felt really good, no matter how much I wanted it not to be. It was against my will, but I still enjoyed it and it sickened me.

When my brother left me alone, I would sit in my room and sing with me eyes closed, stroking the soft fabric of Innocence. Other times I would draw stupid things on the note paper in my desk. But mostly, I just sat alone in my room with my bunny and rested. Waiting for the next time my brother would come in and invade my body.

One of the times my brother had gone out, he had returned with a motorcycle instead of a car. I wasn't sure of the type of motorcycle, but I knew it was expensive. My guess was that it was another way to stay close to me when we were going somewhere. And he could drive it. I knew that.

Before long, it was the first day of school. I had put on black jeans and a black sweatshirt with a hood on top of a black t-shirt. It wasn't winter yet, but it was getting really cold. Summer had started earlier that year, so now we were going to pay for it.

My brother had gotten me a black backpack for school and the only things I put in it, were some pens and pencils and paper as well as my disc-man. I was tempted to put my bunny in, but I didn't want it discovered, especially not at high school.

I put my backpack on and followed my brother down to where he kept his bike. He gave me a helmet, and the two of us got on. Since I couldn't drive and the school was pretty far but didn't have busing to our area, my brother had to take me. I sat behind him and wrapped my arms around his chest, something I'm sure he enjoyed very much.

As we reached the school, I realized that my brother's bike must be indeed, very popular. People were crowding around looking at us, wondering who we were. I figured they just wanted to know where we got it and all that nonsense that I cared nothing about.

I stepped off the bike and removed my helmet, then I waved to my brother and he drove off.

I almost missed the gasps that sounded distinctly female, coming from behind me. I turned around, there were around ten people, not a lot, but enough to make me uneasy. I didn't really like being in groups.

I looked at them all nervously, then dropped my gaze and headed through them, which wasn't easy. They tried to prevent me from going past them and I had to glare before they let me through.

Even after I got through, I hadn't escaped. Now I had people following me. I don't like being followed either. I turned around and glared.

"What do you want?" I growled. There were a few that cringed, but no one left.

"Who are you?"

One of them asked. It was some guy with spiky yellow hair, obviously dyed. It was so bright I almost had to shield my eyes. I was tempted to put the helmet back on.

I rolled my eyes. This was really annoying; they're following me around, then ask me who I am like they have a right to know. But...I remembered my brother's words from this morning...

< "Try to make some friends today, Zesh. I won't be happy if I find out that you're purposely scaring everyone off." >

My brother's words were stern, and the look in his eyes told me that I should listen to him. And if the look and words weren't enough, he fucked me again to enforce it, and it wasn't gentle. But it didn't really matter, I was used to it by now. So far, it was twice in one day. Looked like he was going to break the usual pattern.

"Why do you want to know? So you can bug me about the bike all day? It's my brother's and I don't know a thing about it, so you're wasting your time."

I said. It wasn't an angry tone, but rather a calm and curious one. I didn't want them to think I was trying to get rid of them intentionally. Even though I knew they would.

"No...We just wanted to get to know you. Well, some of us anyways. I'm pretty sure there were some here that wanted to know about the bike. So...are you going to tell us your name?"

"...Zeshin. Zeshin Kisete" I said.

Then it was the start of my new personality. I became a grinning mask, never showing what I truly felt. It worked for me. That way no one would ask me what was bothering me.

"I'm Shiro, nice to meet you Zeshin. Come on, let's get inside."

Shiro went through the crowd, ignoring everyone else that seemed interesting in me and led me inside, leaving them all behind. As it turned out, we were in the same homeroom and most of the same classes with the exception of one. My eyes quickly adjusted to his hair. And I was right, he did dye it. Quite frequently in fact.

So it was Shiro that helped me changed my personality, my brother noticed it as well. I'm pretty sure he didn't like it. Especially since I started making jokes and sarcastic remarks more often. Although, there were times when he found it rather amusing.

At school, I began to enjoy myself for once. People bought the act I was giving them and were acting sociable. Nothing like what I was used to. And Shiro's hair colour was actually black. You could tell when his hair starting getting a little too long and he had to dye it again.

His eyes were blue and went with almost every hair colour he had. After a few weeks of yellow, he changed it to bright red. I once asked him why he always dyed it with bright colours and he said:

"Someone has to put a little brightness into this dark and dreary world we live in."

I suppose it would have sounded serious, but Shiro had an awful habit of grinning a lot. Even when he's trying to be serious. It was something that I had learned to do, though I could become serious if I wanted to.

Of course, not all good things last forever, and friends tend to be one of the ones that last the shortest.

It was one day when I had to walk home, because my brother wasn't going to be home until later and there was no one that could give me a ride. I didn't mind walking though, it helped me think.

As I was walking home, I took the scenic route, which was always deserted and took out my disc-man from my bag. As the familiar music flooded my ears, I couldn't help but begin singing.

Half way through one of the songs, there was a tap on my shoulder and I jumped. I stopped singing and walking, and turned to face whoever it was that was behind me.

"Sorry, did I scare you?" It was Shiro.

His newly dyed bright blue hair shining brighter in the sunlight and matching perfectly with his eyes. At least it would have, but then I noticed that his eyes were green.

"A little. I didn't know anyone came down this way. Were your eyes always green?"

Shiro laughed. "Blue-green. They like to change. Seems they don't want to be blue if my hair is." He grinned.

"I see. So what are you doing here? I thought you took the bus."

"I do, but this way takes me home too. I saw you going this way and decided to catch up. I've been meaning to talk to you. Did you know that you have an amazing voice?"

"I've been told a few times." I said. I grinned at the compliment, hiding the reaction at the awful reminder his comment held.

"Damn, you mean I wasn't the first?"

"Sorry." I said. Not really feeling sorry, but said it anyway. The two of us started walking again, heading through the park.

"Is that what you wanted to talk about, Shiro?" I asked.

"No. It's...this thing that's been bugging me for a while now, and I don't know how to say it. I'm almost hesitant to tell you."

"It'll be better if you let it out, Shiro."

"I know...but...Oh what the hell." I stopped walking, waiting patiently for the answer. Only he didn't say it, he showed it.

I felt myself pushed roughly against a tree next to the sidewalk we were on. There were lips on mine, and a tongue asking for entrance to my mouth. Without thinking, I parted my lips and let him kiss me. I was so taken by surprise that I didn't even realize who it was at first since I was so used to being kissed without warning. But it wasn't my brother this time.

Wasn't my brother...

As soon as the thought went through my head, I quickly pulled away and looked into the wild eyes of Shiro.

"What...what are you doing Shiro?"

"Didn't you want me to? You let me kiss you." Shiro said.

He was still grinning, and I thought that it was because he can't be serious and usually his eyes show his emotions. His eyes were sparkling with mischief.

"That's because I didn't even know what was going on. You took me by surprise."

"So, if you knew I was going to kiss you, you wouldn't let me?" He asked.

He had one arm on each side of me, effectively preventing me from running away. I shook my head in response.

"Really? I think you would have. You kissed me back and I could tell that you're no rookie when it comes to kissing. My guess is, you're no rookie when it comes to...other things as well." When he said 'other things' my eyes widened and I bit back a moan as he pressed his erection against me.

"Stop it, Shiro. I don't want this."

"I think you do." And he captured my lips again. It reminded me so much of my brother, and Shiro was a lot like him. He was tall but not as muscular as Yuichi, but still more than me, therefore allowing him to over power me easily.

I was about to be raped again. This definitely was going to break the pattern I was used to. I wasn't going to give in to him, but I wasn't going to run either. I knew that would hurt me. I didn't think that Shiro would regret having to hurt or kill me. Not like my brother.

As he was kissing me, he unzipped my pants and pulled them down to my ankles. He pulled away from me and swiftly turned me around. The tree was big all the way around so I could put my arms against it, shoulder width apart and be able to brace myself.

"Lick it." He said and he stuck his hand in front of my face.

Great. He was going to rape me with spit as lubrication. This was going to hurt.

I obediently licked his hand, hearing him pull his pants and boxers to his ankles with one hand.

"That's enough."

'Yeah right!' I thought.

He didn't know what it was like to be raped. If you were going to rape someone, you can't use spit as sufficient lube. But I wasn't about to tell him that, lest he dry his hand and not use any lube as punishment.

He took away his hand and lubed his erection. Then roughly thrust in me. I bit down hard and my face bunched up in pain. Although I had been raped many times, my brother never forgot to use lubrication. Even in the mornings, his seed was still in me and provided the necessary lube.

Without waiting for the pain to subside, he continued his thrusting, changing his angle to effectively brush against my prostate. Despite the pain, I moaned loudly. Although Shiro wasn't as big as my brother, he was still larger than average. The size was partly why it hurt so much.

Shiro's jabs became so fast and rough, that my hands slipped from the tree and I fell into it, the right side of my face brushing against the less than smooth bark, most likely scratching my face pretty well in the process. Luckily he had a good grip on my hips so only my face and chest fell into the tree.

As his thrusting increased its speed once more, I could tell he was going to come and he stroked my erection, fast. I came first, barely preventing myself from saying his name. Only moments later, I felt Shiro come inside me. Then he kept his grip on my hips and leaned on my back, whilst I was still shoved into the tree.

Funny how fate works. My first friend rapes me. I never knew how many people were like my brother. Not until Shiro came into my life. What are the chances of being raped by two different people in your life time? I guess they weren't as slim as I thought.

Soon I realized that I was crying. My brother, whom I though I loved, and now my best and first friend. How many people were going to hurt me in my life? I was barely fifteen and I've already been raped more times than I care to remember.

"You're fine, Zeshin. As I thought, you're not inexperienced, are you? Someone must fuck you pretty often." He whispered in my ear.

"Get off of me." I recognized my tone. The one from the day at the mall with my brother. It was back and I knew it wasn't a sound Shiro knew.

"Nah, I think I'll stay here for a while. I like being buried deep inside you, Zeshin. I may stay here and fuck you again." He spat.

I knew he wasn't lying. That was another thing about Shiro, he almost never lied.

So he stayed there. Unmoving, resting on my back still inside of me. I wanted it to end.

"I have to go home, Shiro. My brother is expecting me."

"Is he? Isn't he also the one that picks you up from school?" He said teasingly.

He knew. There wasn't a way I could get out of this until he said so, or until someone came by. I never realized how much I wished my brother was there. At least he didn't hurt me as much as Shiro. But as I reflected on the days we'd spent together at school, I realized that I actually loved him. He'd been so nice to me and helped me in many ways.

I began to cry again. Another person I loved had hurt me. I knew that it would be hard for me to ever love Shiro again. Or anyone else for that matter.

"Why are you crying this time, Zeshin?"

"You moron." I said between tears. I felt him move warningly inside me, but I continued. "You just ruined everything because of your stupid hormones." He moved again and I realized he was hard again.

"Our friendship? Gone. I'll never be able to look at you the same way. Ever." I heard Shiro growl and he pushed the two of us to the ground. He pulled out of me, and I thought he would get dressed. But instead he flipped me onto my back and hooked my legs over his shoulders.

"What if. Instead of raping you, I made love to you? Would you like it then?" Shiro asked. He still looked angry, but I could see the faint traces of love in his eyes.

"Love...?" I asked.

"Yes, love. I'm sorry for what happened a few minutes ago. I just...wanted to have you before you rejected me and said you weren't gay or that you didn't like me. I wouldn't have been able to bear it if you said that to me. I just wanted you so much."

I could see a single tear fall down Shiro's cheek before he wiped his eyes. He was still over top of me, with and arm on each side of me and my legs on his shoulders.

"You...should have said something, Shiro."

"Like that would have made a difference." He said.

"It would have. I..."

"I don't want any excuses, Zeshin. Just answer me. Would you enjoy it if I was making love to you?"

I didn't know what to say. I always got confused when people's attitudes changed so suddenly. No words would escape because I didn't know the answer. I took a few minutes to think, then finally, I nodded.

Shiro's eyes widened and I could tell he was confused. He thought I would say no.

"But after...what I did...why do you say yes?" He asked. I sighed sadly.

"I'm a forgiving person, I guess. Besides, I don't want to throw away the first person I loved. And I mean the very first."

"But...that person that..."

"Forget about it." I said sharply. "Just do what you want with me, whether it's let me go or make love to me, just please get it over with. I really do need to get home."

Shiro nodded, and I felt him push his erection inside me again.

"I'm sorry." He whispered. Then he took me again. Not as roughly. If he did, it wouldn't have mattered because his seed was still in me, aiding with the lubing.

When he finished, he pulled out and put his clothes back on.

"I hope...that eventually, you'll forgive me, Zeshin."

He had his back turned and I could hear the sincerity in his voice. When I pulled my pants back on, I walked up behind him and put a hand on his shoulder, turning him around.

"I told you, I'm a forgiving person." I grinned, and pulled him in to kiss me, deeply.

"I do love you, Shiro, but please promise me that you won't do something like that to me anymore." I said after the kiss ended, we were out of breath and our foreheads were leaning against each other. "Please don't hurt me again." I said. Shiro pulled me in for another kiss, then embraced me.

"I promise." He said.

Then the two of us headed through the rest of the park. Shiro was going to his home when I stopped him.

"Would you...come over for dinner today? It's always so quiet with just my brother and I."

"If you really want to. I just have to call my mother at your place and let her know."

Then I smiled. It was the first genuine smile in a long time. The rest were fake to make people believe I was alright.

"Well, let's go then."

I grinned and all but dragged Shiro to the apartment. I would have been dragging him, if it hadn't been for the fact that he seemed pretty eager himself. I think it helped him realize that I wasn't mad at him. It surprised him too, which I could understand.

It surprised me too.