Fan Fiction ❯ Llama Mamas ❯ OPERATION: SLIPPER ( Chapter 3 )

Last time in “Llama Mamas” . . .

 

Deer Link,

 

Hi! It's Princess Zelda! Wood u pleeze come 2 the cassle? There r sum impoortunt theengs that we need 2 talk abowt.

 

Luv,

Princess Zelda

 

P.S. Breeng ur farey over also. We need hur!

 

Inset line break

 

“It's not `llama'. It's la-lama!” Zelda said with sass and rolling her eyes. “Duh.”

 

“Uh . . . Hate to say it, Princess, but it's llama. The second `l' is silent.”

 

“Uh, no. It's la-lama.”

 

“I'm sorry, but it's llama.”

 

“La-lama.”

 

“Llama.”

 

“La-lama.”

 

“Llama.”

 

“La-lama!”

 

“Llama!”

 

While the two girls were fighting, Link sat there, confused and scared, wondering what would be the outcome of the La-lama/Llama battle.

 

“LA-LAMA!”

 

“LLAMA!”

 

“LAAA-LAAMAAAA!”

 

“LLAAAAMAAAA!”

 

“LAAAAA-LAAAAAMAAAAAAAA!”

 

“SHUT UP!” Navi said, turning red again. Zelda shut up.

 

“IF YOU WANT MY FREAKIN' ADVICE, YOU TAKE THE ADVICE, AND THAT MEANS IT'S LLAMA! THE SECOND `L' IS NOT SILENT, DANGIT!”

 

Zelda sat down, looking quite embarrassed, and Link began to cry. He hated it when his friends fought!

 

Insert line break

 

“Right,” Navi said, trying very hard not to laugh. “Well then in that case, what are we going to do?”

 

“I don't know,” Zelda responded. “We could put some kind of tracking device on a slipper and track it down.”

 

“So then we would know where all of the slippers were?” asked Link.

 

“Exactly! But where are we going to find something that can fit inside a slipper and not get any attention what-so-ever?”

 

Zelda and Link thought hard about this. Then they looked at Navi and stared her down. A determined smirk hit their faces.

 

“What?” Navi said, sounding a bit nervous. “Why are you looking at me like that?”

 

Zelda made a mischievous smile. “Oh, I think you know . . .”

 

Insert line break

 

Chapter 3: OPERATION: SLIPPER

 

 

Zelda waited impatiently in front of her bathroom, while Link waited patiently in front of the bathroom that he wished was his. Zelda was pacing back and forth, hands behind her back, and a frustrated look on her face. Link was sitting on the floor, cross-legged with his hands on his knees and rocking back and forth, with a jolly, carefree look on his face.

 

Zelda continued to pace, while Link continued to rock. Zelda paced, Link rocked. Zelda paced, and Link . . . rocked. Then, it happened. Zelda screamed in rage, and Link fell on his back, legs still crossed.

 

“DANGIT NAVI!” Zelda screamed. “HURRY UP! YOU'VE BEEN IN THERE FOR THIRTY MINUTES AND I HAVE TO GO POTTY!”

 

“I'm not coming out!” said a voice from inside the bathroom.

“YOU ARE TOO COMING OUT! AND I HAVE LINK TO HELP ME!” Zelda turned to Link and smiled. “Don't I, Link?”

 

But she didn't, for Link was still on the floor, struggling to get up and unaware that if he uncrossed his legs it would be much easier to get back up again.

 

Zelda sighed again, then pressed her ear against the door. “Navi?” she said, sweetly.

 

“Yes?”

 

“If you don't come out right now, I can assure you that I can make it to where you glow NOT only because you're a fairy.”

 

“What do you mean?”

 

“I just so happen to have a secret plutonium mine, and enough plutonium to shove up your FAIRY BUTT! GET OUT OF THERE, NOW!”

 

And indeed, Zelda's will was done. As if on cue, the door shot open, revealing a terrified Navi and slamming Zelda into the wall.

 

Now we could see why Navi did not want to come out. She was covered with window tinting, enough window tinting to almost completely dull out her white glow.

 

“Fine. You drive a hard bargain, and you left me no choice,” Navi said, frown on her face.

 

Zelda stood up and looked over Navi. “You don't look bad! I think it's . . . uh . . . COOL to have a window tinting body suit!”

 

Navi immediately perked up. “You think so?”

 

“Oh absolutely! Wouldn't you do anything for a suit like that, Link?”

 

But Link was still on the floor and completely oblivious to everything that was going on around him.

 

Zelda sighed and shook her head, then looked back at Navi.

 

“OK Navi. Here's what you gotta do. Are you listening?”

 

“Check!”

 

“OK then. You are going to stay inside the toe of this slipper,” she said, holding up a pink slipper, “while Link and I set up so a llama will come and take it. It should take you to his base, and once he puts you down somewhere, fly out of the slipper and find out anything you can about the llamas. Why they're using the slippers is a good start.”

 

“OK,” said the fairy. “I THINK I got it.”

 

Zelda smiled. “Good! And one more thing. Take this!” Zelda then threw a small headset at the fairy, thus knocking her down in the process. Once Navi managed to get airborne again, she slipped the headset on.

 

“It's an intercom device,” said the princess. “If you need anything, call us. Otherwise, Link and I will check on you for time to time.”

 

“OK. When do we begin?”

 

“NOW!” Then, Zelda shoved a slipper over the fairy's head. There was muffled “OW!” from inside.

 

“How you doin' so far, Nav?”

 

“OK, I guess,” said the fairy. “It's a little packed.”

 

“Good! That way, you won't fly out when the llama's running at those crazy speeds! OK, Link! Are you ready?”

 

Link, now standing up, nodded in reply. “Very ready! I was born ready! So ready that the word “ready” doesn't describe how ready I . . .”

 

“OK that's enough now.”

 

“Oh . . . sorry.”

 

“Wait, Zelda!” said the quiet and muffled voice of Navi.

 

“What now?”

 

“If we're going to be talking to eachother with headsets, we should have codenames!”

 

Zelda thought about this for a LONG time. Then she snapped her fingers.

 

“You're right! It would be so much more fun! I shall be Blondie Princess!”

 

Link jumped up and down. “OOH OOH! I WANNA BE BRASS EAGLE!”

 

Zelda looked at him. “Why?” she asked.

 

“Um . . . I dunno.”

 

“Hmm . . . OK then. Brass Eagle it is!”

 

“And I shall be Pickle Shack!” said the voice of Navi.

 

“PICKLE SHACK?” asked Zelda and Link.

 

“Shut up! You try being stuffed in a slipper! The blood flow to my brain is being cut off, dangit!”

 

“Which gives us more reason to hurry up with the operation!” said Zelda excitedly. “LINK! Begin Phase 1 of OPERATION: SLIPPER!”

 

Link make a “hup-hup!” noise and sprang towards Zelda. He grabbed the slipper and hurled it into the air, back flipped, and then caught the slipper with amazing talent.

 

“Hup hup!” said Link again, now performing more amazing feats. Zelda could not help but stare at the graceful hero.

 

With an arm better than a quarterback on the Aggies football team, Link threw the slipper out of an open window.

 

“AIEE!” was the sound that came from the slipper.

 

With a soft “thud”, the slipper hit the ground. Zelda and Link soon joined the slipper, mostly to see if the undercover agent was OK.

 

“Are you OK Navi?” asked Zelda.

 

“Yeah . . . I think so. WOAH!”

 

“WHAT?” asked Link and Zelda, scared they might have hurt her.

 

“I didn't know that my nails were unbreakable! This is so COOL!”

 

Zelda and Link sat there, confused and stunned, until the sound of hoofs on ground came from the distance.

 

“They're here, Navi! Get ready, and good luck!” And with that Zelda and Link left the pink slipper.

 

Insert optional line break

 

Excited and scared at the same time, Navi wondered if this plan would work. She couldn't find any flaws in it, but she was still a bit concerned . . .

 

Then a set of huge, crooked teeth grabbed the slipper and lifted it off the ground . . .

 

“Oh man. This is it!” Navi thought to herself as she felt the llama take off. “I wonder if I'm going to live through this . . . By the smell of this things breath, I'm having doubts . . .”

 

Then, Navi slapped herself. She just . . . slapped herself.

 

“Stop worrying!” she said to herself. “Everything will be fine!”

 

About 5 minutes later, she felt the llama skid to a halt.

 

“We must be close,” Navi said to herself.

 

Then, she hit the floor, hard.

 

“OOF!” she said, landing on her rump. Luckily, she was still inside her slipper. The llama must have left her somewhere.

 

Slowly, she poked her window-tinted head out of the slipper and looked around. It looked like she was in some kind of military base . . . Or, that is to say, it certainly LOOKED like one.

 

Pretty much everything was made of metal: the walls, the floors, the ceiling . . . everything! But then again, and didn't HAVE to be a military base. It would've been great for a laboratory or some kind of research facility. Nonetheless, it was abandoned.

 

Navi began to speak into the headset.

 

“This is Agent Pickle Shack reporting to headquarters. Llama base has been breached and everything's a go.”

 

“Blondie Princess reporting back. Excellent work, Agent Pickle Shack!”

 

“Thank you, Blondie Princess. Continue mission?”

 

“Affirmative!”

 

“Check!” Then, Navi heard the sound of struggling over the other headset.

 

“Blondie Princess, do you come in?” Navi said, tapping her headset.

 

“This is Brass Eagle reporting to Agent Pickle Shack. Hi, Agent Pickle Shack!”

 

“Uh . . . hi, Brass Eagle!”

 

“Brass Eagle requests Agent Pickle Shack to bring back with her a Quarter Pounder with cheese and mayonnaise only, along with a medium Dr. . . .”

 

Another struggling sound took place.

 

“Blondie Princess reporting to Agent Pickle Shack. Continue mission.”

 

“Affirmative!” said Navi. “Agent Pickle Shack will report back to headquarters when she finds something out!”

 

Navi then continued to work herself out of the slipper, and once there, she observed her other surroundings. She was in a huge pile of slippers, neatly stacked in a corner. There were so many of them! Blue slippers, red slippers, yellow slippers, even the little Sponge Bob Square Pants slippers that are nearly impossible to find now!

 

Navi retreated the slipper pile and looked around the room some more. She found a huge door that looked like an airlock; she had found the way out!

 

Above the door was a sign that said “Storage Facility: Do Not Enter Without Permission”. So, Navi was in a storage facility . . . a perfect place to pick up evidence!

 

Seeing a stack of crates in another corner of the room, she decided that would probably be the best place to start. She headed over to the crates and managed to pry them open. They were extremely weak! Wondering what the weak material was that was holding the lid to the crates down, she looked under the top.

 

The thing that was holding the crates together was . . . Scotch tape . . .

 

That didn't make since! The llamas were smart enough to know how to maneuver around a high security castle and steal the Princess's slippers, but they didn't know that Scotch tape was extremely useless when it was holding a crate together?

 

Shrugging the thought off, she peered inside the box.

 

Only to find more slippers . . .

 

She couldn't believe this! Why were the llamas taking so many stupid slippers? It couldn't have been an obsession; that would be just plain creepy! Once again, she decided that it would be better if she didn't think about.

 

Satisfied with her discovery, Navi headed over to the airlock door.

 

Insert line break

 

Back at the castle, Agents Blondie Princess and Brass Eagle were sitting in Zelda's room, bored to death.

 

“I'm bored,” said Link.

 

“Me too,” said Zelda.

 

“I wish I knew what to do.”

 

“Me too.”

 

“I hope Navi's OK.”

 

“Me too.”

 

“WANNA DO CARTWHEELS?”

 

“OK!”

 

insert line break

 

Back at the llama's base, Navi had found her way to one of the main corridors of the facility. It was a LONG narrow hallway with doors on every side.

 

“How could the llamas build a place so big, so powerful, and so strong, when they're just four-legged animals?” Navi asked to herself. Or . . . were they something else?

 

Then, Navi found something that caught her eye . . .

 

A huge door that said “Scientific Research Lab”. Then, below that, in messy white letters, said “ALL LLAMAS WELCOME!”

 

“All Llamas Welcome” . . . it sounded like something you would see at the entrance to a party. Was there a party inside?

 

Remembering her mission, Navi spoke into her intercom.

 

“This is Agent Pickle Shack reporting to headquarters. I have found what looks to be a very important place and am about to enter. Do not talk back until I say so.” And with that, Navi entered the lab.

 

Once inside, she immediately flew into a corner, hoping to not be seen. Once she thought she was hidden, she looked around the room to see if anybody was in the room with her.

 

And there was!

 

Apparently a mass meeting of some sort, there were at least 1000 llamas in the huge laboratory! Big llamas, small llamas, fat llamas, thin llamas, even little baby llamas! And they all were standing around something of great interest. A podium was in front of all of them and the thing that they were surrounding, and a llama with a general cap on his head was speaking from behind it.

 

“Attention all llama friends!” said the llama general. “It is I, General Lenin, with an important announcement for you all!”

 

Navi gasped at what she heard. She was in the middle of a secret llama meeting! And the llama's general was Russian! Were all of the llamas Russian, too?

“It regrets me to have found this out just the other day,” said General Lenin, “but we have just found out from one of our spies that someone knows that we have been stealing slippers!”

 

A huge murmur arose from the group of llamas: a murmur of panic. Llamas turned to each other and began to gossip about the fact until Lenin stopped the noise by honking, VERY loudly. Navi tried her best to keep quiet.

 

“There is no need to panic, however!” Lenin said to the mass amount of llamas. “The device is near completion! In fact, we have a demonstration of its power for you!”

 

In order to see what was going on, Navi flew higher until her wings brushed against the ceiling. The thing that llamas were surrounded around was something hidden by a white tarp. Four llamas came and removed the tarp, and below it was some kind of . . . weapon? Some kind of gun of sorts.

 

General Lenin pressed a few buttons on the device and pointed it near one of the walls. Five llamas came in front of the gun, caring a large clay ball about 40 feet in circumference. After setting the ball carefully on the floor, the llamas got away from the gun's head. General Lenin pressed one more button on the machine, then stepped back. The tip of the gun's head began to glow neon green.

 

“Ooo . . .” said the other llamas, who were staring in awe.

 

A neon green sphere began to form at the tip of the gun's head, and once it reached a circumference of about 1 foot, the ball was released, followed by a trail of green light. It went straight for the large clay sphere, and upon contact, blew it to smithereens. The llamas cheered wildly.

 

Navi gasped in horror. The machine was a ray gun! But what would llamas want to do with a ray gun?

 

“Once we reach our science into outer space,” continued Lenin after the cheering died down, “we can build a colony on the nearest planet and migrate there. We shall then transport the ray gun to our colony!”

 

More cheers.

 

“Remember, fellow llamas, WE MUST HAVE MORE SLIPPERS! The planet Earth is MUCH larger than 40 feet in circumference! In order to have full power to blow it up, we must have more slippers!”

 

“MORE SLIPPERS!” yelled the llamas.

 

“WE SHALL MAKE THOSE UNGRATEFUL HUMANS PAY FOR WHAT THEY DID TO US!”

 

The llamas cheered more, and it wasn't until they calmed down when Navi figured out what they meant.

 

“OH MY GOD! IT'S JUST LIKE THAT STUPID BOOK “ANIMAL FARM”!” Navi screamed, not even remembering that she was in a room full of llamas.

 

All of the llamas from down below turned their heads in confusion, wondering who had yelled that.

 

“There!” yelled General Lenin, pointing his right ear at the ceiling. All of the llamas looked up to see a faded glowing thing.

 

“I HATED THAT BOOK! IT WAS SO BORING I CRIED!”

 

While Navi ranted, a stealth llama climbed up the wall and grabbed Navi.

 

“AND THOSE ANIMALS JUST HAD TO LISTEN TO SNOWBALL AND NAPOLEON AND SOON VIVA LA REVOLUTION THE FARM IS THERES!”

 

“What is it?” asked General Lenin, pointing his ear at the glowing thingy and poking it with his hoof.

 

“Research says it is a fairy, sir,” said another llama, obviously one of the general's trustees.

 

“Put it in the canon!” said Lenin. Navi continued to rant.

 

“AND THEN NAPOLEON WAS ALL LIKE `WE HAVE TO WORK, DANGIT, OR THIS FARM WILL FALL!' AND SO ALL OF THE ANIMALS WORKED AND WORKED AND WORKED AND HE DRANK OF THE FREAKIN' MILK!”

 

The llamas shoved Navi into a regular war canon.

 

“AND THEN THEY JUST HAD TO BUILD A MILL, ONLY TO FIND OUT THAT BOXER, THE ONLY GOOD CHARACTER, IS OLD AND THAT HE CAN'T WORK ANYMORE! AND WHAT DOES HE DO? HE SENDS HIM TO A FREAKIN' GLUE FACTORY!”

 

The llamas opened up a skylight in the roof of the laboratory and tilted the canon towards it.

 

“AND HOW COULD I FORGET ABOUT THAT STUPID `WAR' BETWEEN THE ANIMALS AND THE HUMANS IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BOOK? AND THAT STUPID GUY SHOT SNOWBALL AND THAT STUPID COW SMASHED THE GUY'S FACE IN AND I LAUGHED AND LAUGHED AND LAUGHED!”

 

The llamas lit the fuse of the canon.

 

“AND THEN IN THE END ALL OF THE PIGS TURN OUT TO BE COMMUNISTS AND DRESS UP AND WALK ON TWO LEGS AND DRINK BEER AND ALL OF THE OTHER ANIMALS JUST STARE! AND THEN BAM, THE END! WASN'T THAT A GREAT ENDING? NO!!! IT WAS NOT GREAT! IT STANK! IT STANK WORSE THAN LINK'S FARTS AFTER A BURITO!”

 

The canon fired, and Navi sailed through the open hole in the roof, continuing to rant about the bad political book.

 

Insert line break.

 

Uh oh! It looks like the llamas are planning to destroy the Earth! But what did Earth do to them that was so bad? Will Navi get over her rant about “Animal Farm” or will she stop and rant about “1984”? Find out next time in Llama Mamas!