Fan Fiction ❯ Sayonara ❯ Chapter 3 ( Chapter 3 )

A/N - sorry, this is taking me longer than I thought it would, I hope you enjoy, please r/r and remember that the lyrics don't belong to me.

ushinatta egao no kazu dake

kesshite uragiru koto wa dekinai no da to

nandomo sou kokoro de tsubuyaita

Only your lost smiling face

Could never do anything like betray

Over and over I murmured this to my heart

-Dears, Gackt

Sayonara, Chapter 3

Kaii's apartment was very neat, something Hikaru never thought it would be. He knew what Kaii did, he found out when reading the newspaper one day and so his expectations were no where near what he saw. Hikaru had expected that there would be messes of papers all over the tables and floors as well as photos and whatever else Kaii needed, but obviously he was wrong.

The apartment was dark but in a warm, relaxing way. The walls were deep burgundy and the furniture consisted of black leather couches and a chair. The room was dimly lit with various lamps on corner tables. When you first walked into the apartment, there was a small area with a coat rack and a place for your shoes and the floor was wood. Then there was a single step up where it became dark carpeting; hard to tell the colour because of the lighting. Once Hikaru stepped on the carpet with his shoeless feet, he smiled and wiggled his toes, the floor was very soft, and he immediately felt relaxed.

"You have a very nice apartment," Hikaru said, turning around to face Kaii who was still taking his shoes off at the door. Hikaru received a smile as a response.

"I'm glad you like it, I thought it might be a relaxing atmosphere after all the noise in that mall," Kaii explained. He walked closer to Hikaru and stood on the step, wrapping his arms around his waist, holding Hikaru against himself. Hikaru was shorter and with Kaii standing a step lower, they were at even height, Kaii maybe a few inches taller still.

"It is," Hikaru blushed and looked at the ground, a little nervous.

"Don't be so nervous," Kaii said, lifting Hikaru's chin to kiss him gently before resting their foreheads together. "Relax, I won't do anything you don't want," Kaii said softly. He pulled away and walked past Hikaru, heading into the room after passing a doorway which led to the bathroom. He took a seat on one of the couches and turned on the TV, waiting to see if Hikaru would join him.

After a few minutes, Hikaru timidly followed, looking around the apartment on his way but not being nosy. He sat down next to Kaii and bravely leaned against him; he was instantly pulled close by Kaii's arm as it found a comfortable place wrapped around him.

"So...may I ask you something, Kaii?" Hikaru asked quietly.

"Anything," Kaii said as he kissed the top of Hikaru's head.

"Did you...say anything that night? After what I said...I fell asleep and I just need to know..." Hikaru asked. He heard Kaii inhale deeply and let out a long sigh.

"No, I didn't," he replied. Hikaru couldn't help but feel hurt.

"...at least you're honest. May I ask why you brought me here then?" Hikaru asked, trying not to let the hurt enter his voice.

"To see you. I didn't think we'd ever see each other again; do you not want to be here?" Kaii asked, looking down at Hikaru who refused to meet his gaze.

"It's not that..." Hikaru said quietly. Kaii easily took the hint.

"Hikaru, listen to me," he said, lifting Hikaru's chin once again. "You fell asleep just as I opened my mouth to respond. It's hard for me to say it once and if you can hear it then it seems rather pointless for me. Besides," Kaii said, dropping his hand and turning away, "I didn't want to make it hurt more when the cruise ended. You should know how painful it was," Kaii said.

"I know, but...if I had been awake, would you have said it?" Hikaru asked.

"...No, I wouldn't have," Kaii said, guilt evident. Hikaru stiffened in his arms but smiled.

"I understand," Hikaru slipped out of Kaii's grasp and stood. "I should get going, stuff to work on and all," Hikaru said, still smiling which only served to make Kaii feel more guilty; he knew that when Hikaru smiled like that after someone said something hurtful, he was just trying to hide it because the pain was too much. Had he been hurt with anything less then you would have been able to tell, but it seemed the more he was hurt, the more he smiled and right now his smile was as bright as the sun.

"Hikaru, please," Kaii said, standing from his place on the couch and approaching Hikaru slowly. "Don't run from me, you have to understand that it isn't easy for me," he said.

"I know, didn't I say that? Look, Kaii, you don't have to apologize like you've done something wrong, I know it's hard so I'm going to go so you can have some time to recover all right?" Hikaru asked, still smiling.

"Stop lying to me, please. Don't think I don't know why you're smiling like that when I've said one of the worst things I could possibly say to you. If you're sad then let it out, Hikaru," Kaii pleaded softly, caressing Hikaru's cheek with his finger tips. At his touch, the smiling façade crumbled and Hikaru moved close, burying his head in Kaii's shirt, tears soaking through it quickly as his sobs tore through his small frame. Kaii didn't know what to say to that, so he simply wrapped his arms around him and held him close, stroking his hair tenderly.

"It's just that...I thought you..." Hikaru struggled to get the words out as he cried non-stop.

"Please Hikaru, you have to understand. The feelings are there I promise...please just give me time to say it," Kaii said, his words forced as he wasn't used to telling someone he had any feelings of any kind. Hikaru's trembling eventually slowed and came to a stop although there was the occasional hiccup.

"Do you," hiccup, "mean that?" Kaii was almost broken at the sight of Hikaru's sad and hopeful eyes.

"More than you know," Kaii smiled softly, hoping that Hikaru would forgive him. He was rewarded with Hikaru knocking him backwards from the force he'd used in his embrace. Kaii's face was showered with kisses and he took a moment to think about why he never noticed how much he meant to the younger man.

"There's just one thing...it's so silly, but I never asked how old you are," Hikaru said, ceasing his kisses to look at Kaii with an embarrassed blush on his cheeks. Kaii let out a chuckle and patted Hikaru's head.

"I don't think it's important, but if you want to know, I'm twenty seven," Kaii said, but now thanks to Hikaru he was curious as well.

"Oh...you're older than I thought," Hikaru said, blushing even more.

"Oh?" Kaii asked, raising an eyebrow. "Well now you've gotten me curious, so how old are you?"

"...Twenty one," Hikaru said quietly. Kaii let out another small laugh and ruffled Hikaru's hair.

"You're still a kid to me," Kaii said, smiling. Hikaru pouted in return, crossing his arms.

"I'm not a kid," Hikaru quickly got off Kaii and sat on the couch.

"Oh give me a break," Kaii rolled his eyes and sat up to look at Hikaru. "If you are a grown man then you're the first one I've met that pouts like a little kid," Kaii teased. Unfortunately for Hikaru, his pout just increased making Kaii laugh.

"Stop laughing at me," Hikaru said.

"Sorry," Kaii laughed. He stood up and walked over to Hikaru and sat with him on the couch, wrapping him up in his arms. "You're really cute when you do that though," Kaii chuckled, lifting Hikaru's head and kissing his lips. Hikaru giggled into the kiss and turned around, crawling into Kaii's lap, timidly kissing back.

Kaii's lips moved to his neck, holding him close.

"Kaii...don't you have to go to work?" Hikaru asked. Kaii checked his watch.

"Shit!" Kaii jumped up, he was already late for work. "Forgive me, I have to get going. Um...don't go, I'll be back sometime around dinner, okay?" Kaii asked. Hikaru was a little startled at his suddenness, but smiled and nodded.

"I'll stay. Do you want me to make you anything to eat for when you come back?" Hikaru asked, but Kaii was already out the door.

***

"You're late, Kaii?" One of Kaii's colleagues asked in surprise. Kaii smiled nervously and went to his desk.

"Yeah, got held up at lunch," Kaii said, it wasn't a lie but not the whole truth either. Unfortunately, the man felt like pursuing the topic.

"Oh? And what was it?" he asked, persistent little bastard.

"Nothing, forget about it and go back to work," Kaii said, walking away from the man and heading to his office.

"Oh come on, please?"

"No," Kaii said firmly, he didn't want to deal with him right now, not at all. He shut the door to his office before the man could say another word.

[End chapter 3]

~Happy lil Slasher~