Fan Fiction ❯ Standing Outside the Fire ❯ Angel's Would Fall ( Chapter 2 )

Standing Outside

the Fire:

Angels Would Fall

Work, he tried to remind himself, was not done as a means to an end it is to be done simply for the act of doing it. For its own sake. But all the Buddhist teachings he could muster weren't even coming close to dampering his antsy-ness and impatience. He wasn't sure what had set him on edge, but he felt it.

He had called the hospital three times yesterday. Before work, on his lunch break, and around dinnertime. Luckily it had been a different nurse each time that answered the phone. He knew Lyn wouldn't talk to him so he had just asked for reports on his health. He had also called twice today for the same. Lyn's fever had broken over the night, and his temperature was back to normal. They were trying to stimulate his appetite with medications but to no avail. He was eating, some. That was about it. Andrew really couldn't decide which got to him worse, the fact that Lyn had been starving himself more or less right under his nose... or that someone had fucked him rough enough to practically kill him...

"How could anyone touch him like that?" the blonde wondered out loud to himself, glad the bookstore he worked for had put him in receiving, so no one was around to hear him talk to himself. Lyn was beautiful and delicate, he needed a gentle touch, he was the kind of man you NEVER took off the kid gloves with. Drew shook his head and forced himself to focus on the books in front of him. America's Best Gay Erotica. About twenty copies. Not what he needed to be looking at right now. Frowning he pushed them aside and opened the next box for tagging. Lyn needed help, in big way... but damnit, Andrew had no idea how to help him, or if it was even his place...

"Andrew, honey...?" Andrew's head snapped up looking at the small woman who had come into the back room, her red hair cut in a short pixie style. "You got something on your mind today? You want the rest of the day off?"

"Huh? What? No... I'm fine, I'm sorry, I will try and work faster." He towered over the tiny woman who was his supervisor, and was always tempted to squat down when talking to her to be at eye level.

"Andrew... you put the Joys of Lesbian Sex to be filed under the 'Spirituality' section... And Birds of the Northeast next to Computer Programming for Dummies your hearts not in it. If you really don't want to go, don't. But really, its okay if you do. We are over staffed anyway." Andrew almost protested again... but then realized that he would easily catch visiting hours at the hospital if he left now.

"All right... thanks Sharon. I appreciate it."

"Hey don't mention it Drew, you never call in sick, and you've used less then a third of your vacation time.. Not to mention the fact that you work hard and are always on time. Get outta here." She slapped him on the back, propelling him out of the room.

Grabbing his backpack as he went, Andrew headed out to the little blue Honda civic on the corner. Tossing his pack in the passenger seat he climbed behind the wheel, wincing as something sharp poked his thigh. Reaching in his pocket he pulled out the wooden horse that he had carved a few nights ago. The one he had carved for Lyn. He smiled; maybe it would help cheer Lyn up. He had dropped of a card yesterday, but didn't quite dare bring him flowers. Satisfied that the little wooden horse would be better then flowers, hands down he started the car and drove to the hospital.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Lyn's room was dimly lighted as always. The room was depressing not only in its dark, but the only card Lyn had was the one from Andrew, propped up forlornly on his night stand. No flowers. No other cards. No nothing. Lyn lay, barely a lump in the sheets, one bony arm on top of the covers with IV tubes protruding... the plastic tubing looking almost as thick as his skeletal wrist. Andrew approached cautiously. He had said he wouldn't bug Lyn... but... he was too worried for him not to.

"Lyn?" The man's eyes opened. It should have been a flash of color, a flash of deep sapphire blue. But it wasn't. The eyes that watched him were that of a caged animal. Dead. What's more... his left eye wasn't blue. In the dim light Andrew wasn't sure what color it was... but it wasn't blue. "Hey, how are you feeling?"

Andrew got no answer other then a stare the clearly said 'fuck off and die' "That good huh?" Andrew sat down, unsure what else to do with himself. "I brought you something... its not much but... well yeah..." Andrew fished in his pocket and pulled out the horse, offering it to Lyn.

What the hell are you doing here? Lyn glared. It was the only defense he had... but after a moment he put out one frail hand to accept the small wooden object. It disgusted him how weak and frail he was. Andrew set the wooden figure in his hand and Lyn brought it closer to his face. Between the sedatives they had him on and the deteriorating condition of his body, his vision wasn't very good.

It was, he saw, a horse, almost as though petrified mid gallop. Lyn stroked his fingers over it lightly; the corners of his mouth turning up in the smallest hit of a smile for the first time in a week. Bastard. Quite trying to win me over! Though the thought was harsh the tiny little smile never left Lyn's lips as his fingers stroked over the little horse. He wondered how Andrew knew which animal to bring to him, if he had mentioned to him over the course of the last few months his homeland or childhood... but he knew he had not, he didn't even speak with a trace of his former accent. He hadn't actually lost the Irish lit... he had simply learned to fake an American one. Finally he made himself set down the small token of Andrew's affection, putting all the bitterness in his heart into his eyes, he had already let Andrew get too close and it was time to put a stop to it now.

Andrew shook his head as Lyn glared at him; he wasn't about to be intimidated by the wasted man in front of him, no matter how sharp those eyes were. "Nope, not working buddy. I saw that smile a few seconds ago. Your welcome for the horse, and if you were gonna ask I carved it myself."

Andrew waited... he was a quiet man and forced small talk wasn't working well for him. There was a lot he wanted to say... ninety percent of which he shouldn't say. Further more, if looks could kill, he would have two smoking holes in his head. Lyn's will for him to go was practically a physical force pushing him from the room, but under that brittle shell of bitter coldness, somewhere in the depths of those eyes was a lot of shame, and a lot of hurt... And a cry for help.

Andrew reached out laying his hand over Lyn's, holding it gently even though Lyn glared harder, the hand under Andrews, turning into a fist. Andrew frowned taking the first between both of his hands, rubbing his thumbs over the back of Lyn's hand. "Why are you pushing me away?" He turned Lyn's hand over in his, massaging the inside of his wrist and the heel of his palm with tender caresses trying to coax the tense limb open.

The really question is though... why am I trying so hard to keep him near. And Andrew didn't like the answer. Slowly Lyn's hand started to relax, his glare downgraded to a hard look. Andrew held his now lax hand warmly between his own, fighting the temptation to bring it to his lips and kiss it. "Lyn, tell me what I can do to help?" Lyn looked startled a moment then turned his face away, but Andrew caught the sheen of tears in his eyes even in the dim light.

Lyn hated him. Hated him for caring hated him for trying and most of all hated him for saving his life. He would have been happy to slip away. He was trying to die. Had been for a long time... he just didn't have the balls to actually do it himself. So he starved himself, worked himself as hard as he could, and slept around. Slept with the kind of men he got off on tying him up, taking him even if he said no, then leaving him there, tied to his own bed posts. The kind of men who liked to hear him cry out in pain. Why did Andrew have to be so kind and gentle? All Lyn wanted to do was crawl over to Andrew's lap and curl up in a tight ball and not move; because Andrew was big and tough and could protect him... and was kind and gentle and honorable enough to do so with out taking advantage of him. But he couldn't crack. Couldn't give the big blonde man a reason to care. If he got to close he would see what a horrible person Lyn was. See how stupid and ugly and skanky he really was. Lyn had just enough dignity left to not allow that to happen, so he turned away.

Darkness had fallen and the light coming in from the hallway had turned the window overlooking the city into a dark mirror. Tears swimming in his eyes Lyn caught his own reflection. Translucent skin stretched over his too thin/too fat too tall frame. Mismatched eyes sunken back in his skull. His wide slanted eyes, high cheekbones and slight frame too girlie, his dark hair lifeless on his brow and pillow. He was so stupid and weak and lazy and ugly! Ugly! Ugly! Ugly! His self-loathing raged to the surface and suddenly he couldn't stand Andrew's kind gentle touch. He felt like he was profaning something sacred and snatched his hand back. He watched Andrew in the same window, watched his face fall.

"All right, I can take a hint. I'll go. But if you need anything, don't be afraid to call... any time of the day." Andrew stood, watching Lyn another moment, then shaking his head sadly he slipped out of the room. When Lyn heard the door click shut he got out of bed carefully, less concerned with the cold floor then whether or not his legs would bear his weight. IV stand trailing after him he shuffled to the bathroom, closing the door behind him and flipping on the light. He stood in his hospital gown, IV stand just to his left, staring at his own reflection.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Andrew stopped at his favorite Asian restaurant picking up some take out on his way home, ordering his favorites. Egg rolls, Vegetable LoMein, white rice, sushi, and the ultimate comfort food, which he allowed himself only on very desperate occasions, cream cheese wontons. He also stopped at the corner store and got a pint of raspberry sorbet. Finally satisfied that he had enough comfort food to drown his woes, he headed back to his apartment. Stopping to give the young woman who always stood just in front of his building preaching the gospel the extra order of egg rolls he had gotten.

"Thank you. Would you like to accept Jesus as your personal Savior?"

"Your welcome. No but would you like to hear the teachings of Buddha?"

"You will burn in hell. Jesus loves you."

"Buddha loves you. Have a good night Fiona." It was always the same conversation, for the last year that she stood out here it had always been the same.

With a sigh Andrew stepped into his building and hiked up the stairs to his apartment. Kicking off his shoes just inside the door and stepping into his house slippers he moved into the kitchen and grabbed a pair of chopsticks and a glass of juice before going to sit on the floor cross-legged in front of the coffee table as he watched the evening news; his mind no where near the reports of homicides and sports scores. His mind was on Lyn, on the haunted look in his eyes. He knew that look; he had seen it before when he had volunteered briefly at the local humane society. The look of an animal that had given up and was just waiting for its time. He needed to help Lyn, need to do something to save him from the abyss he had thrown himself into. He wasn't sure where his dedication to this man sprung from, but it was there and Drew could no more ignore it then he could ignore the Jesus Girl on his corner.