Fan Fiction ❯ The Best Chatshow in Middle-earth ❯ Chapter Two: In which Aragorn eats a Flea! ( Chapter 1 )

Vedui il'er!

In some of my reviews, I noticed that several of you said that it had been done before. Well, so have several ideas! By different people! Ever heard of a Mary-Sue? I'm STILL not sure who even WROTE the very first LotR Mary-Sue! As for chat shows, I'm pretty sure that they are popular and UNLIKE Mary-Sues. For the people who liked this, well thank you very much, and continue to read and review!

Review responses:

Sprite: Sorry if I have offended you, but this actually ISN'T an interactive fanfic. An Interactive fanfic is where an author writes a fic, where other authors are main characters in the fic. Ever heard of J'dee? She writes BRILLIANT interactive fics, and fanfiction.net has never removed any of her fics!

Elf of Sirannon: I have read this and it is really good! If you are implying that I am copying this, I'm not. For one thing, characters are not hosting the show, and there aren't problems coming in, there are questions and dares. Stuff like that. If you continue to read this fic, then you will understand what I mean. I hope you do, because I don't like to mislead people.

PhishyKiss: If I had a walkie talkie, I'd give you one! If it was possible! Here's a CYBER walkie talkie *gives PhishyKiss a cyber walkie talkie*

Digimon4ever: Thanks! Maybe you can glomp all of the CYBER hobbits!

Now, onto the Fic.

The Best Chat Show in Middle-earth

Loud Boomy Voice: Ladies and gentle-people, lets give a warm welcome to your presenter; Elróthiel!

<Nirvana music plays as Elróthiel walks on set>

Elróthiel: Yo everyone! Today, we have questions for Legolas, Aragorn, Pippin, Eowyn, Arwen, and Frodo!

<Bad Religion music plays as the characters walk on set and plonk down into inflatable chairs>

Audience: WOOO!!!!!!! YEAH!!!!!!! YOU GUYS RULE!!!!!!!!!!!

Fangirls in Audience: *scream loudly and rush down the stairs in an attempt to get to their beloveds. Mostly Legolas and Frodo*

Elróthiel: *into walkie talkie* Steve, your job is at stake if you do not get in here right now and calm these raging fangirls down!!!!!

Steve the Security Guy: *rushes on set with horse tranquillizers* *fires them at fangirls*

Fangirls: *fall over*

Elróthiel: Thank you Steve. Let's give it up for STEVE! THE SECURITY GUY!!!!!

Audience: YAY STEVE!!!!

Elróthiel: Now, let's get on with the show. The very first letter EVER is from Lunoria Moonwatcher! Here it is!

Wow! Your security guard's name is Steve? That's the name of the security guard at my school! Creepy...
Well, onto the point of this, I suppose. Um, I can ask anyone anything, right? Well then, to...Aragorn! I just have a question for you. Tell me, when was the last time you washed your hair? Not to be mean, but it looks like it could come alive and eat someone.
To Legolas, I have to ask you something. How often do you hit the inside of your arm while you're taking out orcs with your bow? Because that really hurts...
Ok, enough odd questions from me. Ta ta darlings!

Elróthiel: Yea, Steve is our Security Guy. Cool! It must be a common name!

Aragorn: *is fuming* For your information, Lady Lunoria, I washed my hair last year! Isn't that recent enough for you!??

Legolas: *is laughing silently at Aragorn*

Elróthiel: Obviously not, Aragorn. Seriously though, I have to agree with Lunoria, you hair is remarkably greasy!

Aragorn: *scratches itch on head* Well, I think it makes me more manly! I am after all, a man.

Elróthiel: *is now rolling around on the floor, laughing her butt off*

Arwen: *is also laughing at Aragorn*

Aragorn: *notices Arwen laughing* Why Arwen? Why are you laughing? I thought you liked my hair!

Arwen: *laughs even more*

Legolas: *has fallen off his chair and is hitting the floor with his fist, obviously in hysterics*

Aragorn: *sulks* *a flea falls off his head onto his shoulder* Oh, hello little flea! Are you going to laugh at me too? Well I won't let you! *eats flea*

Audience: EEEEEEWWWWW!!!!!!!!!!!!! *a random guy throws up on someone else, who throws up on someone else, and it soon turns into an all out throw up war*

Elróthiel: *into walkie talkie* Steve, get a hose, and spray it at the Audience. Yes. NO NOT AT ME!!!!!! Yes. A Vomit War. Yes, well it is disgusting. JUST GET IN HERE!!!!!

Steve: *gets in here* Ugh! That is really gross dudes! *sprays water at everyone*

Audience: *are soaked*

Elróthiel: PEOPLE! Please concentrate on the characters!!! Legolas, answer your question!

Legolas: *starts to talk into megaphone*

Audience: *immediately pay attention*

Legolas: Well, at the last battle I was in, that didn't happen, although I remember it did happen to me several times when I was a mere Elfling, learning to shoot. It does hurt! Although it only happened when I forgot to wear my arm guards. I didn't much enjoy wearing them, they cut off the circulation slightly, and my hands often felt as though they were going to drop off!

Audience: *in unison* Awwwwwwwwww!!!!

Legolas: It doesn't happen any more though. I now have properly fitted arm guards. No more bruises!

Audience: YAAAAAY!!!!! *female Audience members throw roses*

Legolas: *blushes*

Elróthiel: *glares at Rose-Throwing Audience Members* Right, well, lets get on with the show. After these commercial breaks!

<Commercial One>

Galadriel: *walks on set in normal form* Do you feel that you are not intimidating enough? Do you want to scare someone really bad?

Haldir, Arwen, and Glorfindel: *nod enthusiastically*

Galadriel: Well, all you need is a handy One Ring, made in the fiery pit of Mount Doom! In three minutes, you too can become as freaky and intimidating as this!!! *goes into radioactive scary mode* BUY THIS PRODUCT FOR ONLY THREE HUNDRED DOLLARS!!!!!

Haldir, Arwen, and Glorfindel: *nod in a scared way*

<Screen switches to Haldir, Arwen, and Glorfindel in Radioactive Galadriel Mode>

Haldir: WOOOO!!!! I AM SCARY!!!!!!!! FEAR ME!!!!!!!!!!

<green light breaks and the 3 Elves look normal again, except their clothes and hair are still billowing in the fan>

<Screen shows camera scene falling to the floor and then going fuzzy>

<Commercial Two>

Sauron: *floats on screen in Eyeball Mode* Do you have an eye problem? Do you need glasses, but can't find one with only one lens? Well, I have the answer to ALL your problems!!! Just come along to Sauron's Opticians! The One Optician For Large Flaming Eyes!

Saruman: *dances on screen with a white lab coat, surgical mask and gloves on* Here you are Mr. Sauron sir! *gives Sauron a giant pair of glasses with only one lens*

One Lensed Glasses: *has black frames and giant ear handle things*

Sauron: Oh! I can see so much better! Tra la la!!!! I'm going to stop wreaking havoc on the world, and become a veterinarian!! Lalalaaa!!!!! *floats off screen with glasses on*

Sauron now looks like a Big Friendly Eyeball.

<End Commercial Breaks>

Elróthiel: *looks very freaked out* Oh my. Never thought that a pair of glasses was all he wanted! Jeez! Why couldn't he have just asked instead of practically tearing down the rest of Middle-earth???

Arwen: Maybe he couldn't see properly and thought we were all evil people hell bent on killing him?

Elróthiel: Ummmm……………………&helli p;………riiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiight. Shall we get on with the letters???

Pippin: Yes! Then after the show I can go eat mushrooms!!! *sways in his inflatable chair in a dazed state, making the chair roll around in an inflatable chair kinda way*

Elróthiel: *whispers to self* May the Valar have mercy on me!! I am in dire need of a coffee! NOT DECAF!!!!!!! *yells last part, making everyone jump*

Cup of Coffee: *Magically appears on a table*

Frodo: *reaches out to pick up coffee to see what it is* YOWCH!!!!

Elróthiel: Never. Touch. The. Coffee. On. Pain. Of. Death. Capish?

Frodo: Capish?

Elróthiel: Do you understand??

Frodo: Everything except the capish.

Elróthiel: *takes big gulp of coffee* Aaaaaahhhhh, bliss!

Aragorn: Can I try some of that "coffee?"

Elróthiel: NO!!!!! Its MINE!! My own, my preciousssssssssssssssssssss!!

Frodo: Oh no! That must be Sauron's coffee! I'll save you!! *climbs to a high point in the studio, then swings down on a cable wire, yelling like Tarzan*

Elróthiel: *notices Frodo* AAAAAAAAAH!!!!!!!! *steps out of way at last moment*

Frodo: *swings too far, lets go, and lands in the Audience*

Elróthiel:………………&helli p;………….Uh oh.

Frodo Fangirls Who Have Managed To Escape Steve: OH MY GOD!!!!!!!!!!! ITS FRODO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I LOVE YOU FRO FRO!!!!!!! *they all rush towards Frodo, who is like a deer in headlights*

Steve: *sprays hose at Frodo Fangirls*

Elróthiel: Thank you Steve. NEXT LETTER!!!!!!!!!!!! Its from Nevweh!

Fwee! ^.^ It's been done before, but maybe my letter will go on! YAY!

Legolas: I love you, and I want a hug! *kisses* Please replace the poster on my wall-I want the real thing! *.*

Pip: *hands out mushrooms* You're my fave character! ^.^

Eowyn: Rock it! You're my fave character, too! * along with Leggy and Pip! *

Bwa-ha! Now, if Orli sees this letter, he'll consider SPEAKING to me!

Nevweh

Legolas: Thank you Nevweh, but I'm afraid I can't replace the poster on your wall because I would like to be able to move around, and not be stuck on your wall. I am able to hug you though! *hugs letter*

Elróthiel: o_O;; Ummm riiiiiight!

Pippin: *gobbles mushrooms greedily* Mmmmmmmmmmmmmm............................mushrooms! Thanks Nevweh!! *is now on a mushroom high* Shrooms beautiful shrooms! They are so yummy! *dances off stage singing about mushrooms*

Elróthiel: O_O;;; Okaaaay. Eowyn, your turn!

Eowyn: Thanks Nevweh! What does "Rock it" mean? Does it mean I can throw rocks at Orcs in any upcoming battles??? *looks hopeful*

Elróthiel: No Eowyn, when you say Rock It to people, it generally means that you think they are a cool person!

Eowyn: I'm not cold! Its boiling in here!

Elróthiel: Cool=Person thinks you are a good character. If you say, "Oh wow that is so cool!" That means that you think the thing you are saying is cool is a good thing!

Everyone: *look very confused"

Elróthiel: *sweatdrop* Never mind!

Legolas: Who is this "Orli" you speak of?

Elróthiel: He's the actor who plays you in the movies of LotR.

Legolas: Movies? LotR? Actor? Me???

Elróthiel: Never mind. You'll find out when you've been on this planet for a few days.

Legolas just nods in agreement. Elróthiel turns her attention to the crowd again.

Elróthiel: Yo! Lets get on with the show shall we! *speaks in posh English accent* Our next letter is from Meregrin!

This sounds interesting, and I am hoping you will get five people to review so I can see a second addition.

First question( For Pippin): If you had to choose between Merry, or an ever lasting supply of mushrooms, which would you choose?

Second question(For Frodo): Have you ever tried coke? Not the drug, the drink Coca-a-cola? If you haven't you should. More addicting than the ring I would bet.

Third question( For Arwen): What ever happened to Glorfindel? Did you kill him or something, cuz you took his part in the movie, DAMN YOU!

That is all I can think of at the moment. I know crappy questions, but I am High on coke and cant think strait!

Meregrin

Elróthiel: PIPPIN!!!!!!!! YOU HAVE A QUESTION!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! GET YOUR HOBBITY ASS IN HERE NOW!!!!!!!!!

Pippin: *rushes on set, covered in mud, leaves, and grass. He is holding a large bag of what is assumed to be mushrooms*

Elróthiel: Pippin. Meregrin has asked you a question! Answer it!

Pippin: *reads letter* Well………………I have to say that I would probably pick Merry. Mushrooms are good, but they can be found everywhere. Merry is where Merry is, and cannot be found everywhere!

Elróthiel: What, so you ^like^ Merry?

Pippin: *doesn't understand what Elróthiel is getting at* Yep!

Elróthiel: You ^really like^ Merry?

Pippin: Yeah *still not understanding*

Elróthiel: *starts laughing* So………you and Merry are ………^more than friends?^

Pippin: *catching on slightly* What do you mean, more than friends??? We are friends. How can we be more than friends???

Aragorn: *whispers to Pippin* She's implying that you fight for the other side! You know, that you are………a bit fruity?

Pippin: *eyes open wide in shock* NO!!!!! I AM NOT!!!!!!! HOW COULD YOU THINK THAT???????

Elróthiel: I dunno. I just sorta............assumed.

Pippin: WELL DON'T ASSUME!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I'M NOT GAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Elróthiel: OK then. Whatever you say. Next question!

Pippin: YOU DON'T BELIEVE ME DO YOU???!!!!!

Elróthiel: Yes Pippin, of course I believe you! Next question!

Pippin: I DON'T BELIEVE YOU BELIEVE ME!!!!!! WAAAAA!!!!!!!!! *runs off crying*

Everyone: *stares at Elróthiel*

Elróthiel: What? I believed him! He's just paranoid! Now, Frodo, answer the question!

Frodo: No, I don't think I have! Is it as good as ale? What's the drug? Is that good? Send some of both so I can try both!

Elróthiel: *gasps* FRODO!!!!!!!! YOU'RE A DRUGGIE!!!!!!???????

Frodo: What's a "druggie?" Is it bad?

Elróthiel: Coke is a drug! Yes it is bad! Coca Cola is the good version! It's a drink! A sugary drink! DRUGS ARE BAD!!!!!!!

Frodo: So Coca Cola is bad? WAAAAAAA MEREGRIN!!!!!!! I DON'T WANT TO BE EVIL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Elróthiel: NO!!!!!!!!! OK, Coke=Bad, Coca Cola/Cola/Coke=Good sugary drink. Pepsi is better in my opinion!

Frodo: So YOU'RE a druggie too??

Elróthiel: NO!!! *whispers to self* I really need some Cola!

Cola: Falls through the sky and lands on the same table the Cup of Coffee landed on earlier.

Elróthiel: Frodo. THIS is Coca Cola!!! Drink some! *throws the bottle to Frodo*

Frodo: *catches bottle* *drinks some* HEY! Its GOOD!!!!! *runs around on a sugar high*

Elróthiel: Aw man!!!! How'm I gonna explain THIS to Manwë??? Ah Hell! Arwen, your turn!

Arwen: Why would I kill Glorfindel!?? I mean, SURE, he got to ride Asfaloth and rescue the Coca Cola addict from the Nazgúl! But I didn't kill him! What do you mean I rescued him in the movie? I don't even know what a movie IS!!!!!! *goes on rambling about why she wouldn't kill Glorfindel*

Elróthiel: Arwen? YOU DIDN'T KILL GLORFINDEL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Did you?

Arwen: NO!!!!!!!! *shifty eyes*

Elróthiel: OK. Right. I believe you. Now calm down before you give yourself a heart attack!

Arwen: ELVES DON'T GET SICK!!!!!!

Elróthiel: Oh yea! Forgot about that! But calm down anyway!

Arwen: OK! *stands up, then plonks back into her inflatable chair. It shifts backwards, dropping Arwen on the floor* Ow! DAAAADDYYY!!!! THE CHAIR IS BEING MEEEEEAN TO MEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Elróthiel: O_O;;;

Elrond: *runs on set* Now now, Arwen. Its just a chair! It can't hurt you!

Arwen: But it DID!!!!!!!! Kill it Daddy! Kill it!

Elrond: Its not even alive!

Arwen: *chin wobbles*

Elrond: *sighs defeatedly* *"hits" chair a few times with a two by four*

Arwen: Thank you Daddy! *is all smiles*

Elrond: *moves off set. His feet don't move and its as if he's on wheels*

Elróthiel: Now that was the strangest thing I ever saw! OY!! EYEBROW GUY!!!!!!

Elrond: *turns around, glaring with his freaky Eyebrows of Doom*

Elróthiel: Are you wearing roller skates???

Elrond: Um………no. *shifty eyes*

Elróthiel: Really? Why are you walking weirdly then???

Elrond: *starts to turn around but falls over in the process, showing the roller blades to the rest of the world*

Elróthiel: AHA!!!! YOU ARE!!!!!!! *takes picture* Hee! Blackmail opportunity!!!!!

Elrond: *sweatdrop* *gets up and skates off set, glaring*

Legolas: That is the worst mood I have seen Lord Elrond in for quite a while!

Elróthiel: Yea, but he did look pretty mad when Merry and Pippin announced they were going with the Fellowship!

Legolas: He was angrier this time though. It seemed he really didn't want anyone knowing about his wheeled shoes!

Elróthiel: Roller blades Legs, roller blades.

Legolas: My name is Legolas! Not Legs!

Elróthiel: OK Legolas! Here's a big hug because I was being accidentally on purpose annoying! *gives Legolas a hug*

Legolas: Didn't you say something last episode? When you were speaking into that black talking machine? Something about yourself being a…a…fangirl? *shudders*

Elróthiel: Ummmmmm……………………no. No I didn't. I am a fan of yours and I am a girl, but I am NOT a fangirl!

Legolas: Technically, that would make you a fangirl.

Elróthiel: But I'm NOT!!!!! Well, I am but not in the shrieking brain cell-less way! Just the respectful, loving, respectful, slightly insane way!

Legolas: I………………….see.

Elróthiel: Good! Now. HUG!!! *jumps on Legolas' lap, causing the inflatable chair to pop with a bang*

Legolas' InflataChair: BANG!!!!! *falls to pieces*

Elróthiel: *falls off Legolas' lap and goes rolling across the floor*

Legolas: Oof! *is sitting on top of the remains of his InflataChair*

Elróthiel: Fweeeeee!!!!!!!! I'm ROLLING down the HILLY!!!!!!! YAY!!!!! HILLS ARE GOOD!!!!!!!!!

Steve: Oh holy bajeebus! Someone get her a coffee! She's gone mental again!

Cup of Coffee in a Mug with Mr. Blobby on the Side: *appears on table*

Faraway Godlike Voice: What do you say, Steve?

Steve: Ummm………..who are you?

Faraway Godlike Voice: I am Bajeebus! And that is NOT what you say!

Steve: Oh. Ummm……………….thank you?

Bajeebus: That is correct! Now, tell me the meaning of life!

Steve: What?? I don't KNOW the meaning of life! Isn't that what YOU'RE supposed to know???

Bajeebus: Uh oh! Errrrr, I'll see you later I'm missing Jerry Springer!!!

Steve: OK! Bye then!

Bajeebus: Bye!

Steve: *gives Cup of Coffee with Mr. Blobby on the Side to Elróthiel, who is standing on her head, seeing how long it takes for her to faint*

Elróthiel: Is that……………………&hellip ;….COFFEE!!!???

Steve: Yes it is.

Elróthiel: GIMME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! GIMME NOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! *jumps up and snatches Cup of Coffee with Mr. Blobby on the Side* *drinks* Aaaaaahh! That's better! I needed that! *calms WAY down*

Legolas: *is now standing up, looking at the remains of his InflataChair*

Elróthiel: OK! Here's another one! STEVE!!!! WE NEED ANOTHER INFLATACHAIR!!!!! GET YOUR BIG BUTT OUT HERE WITH ONE!!!!!!!!!!!!

Steve: *gets his big butt out there with a neon green InflataChair* Here you are.

Elróthiel: Hannon lle Stehveh!

(AN: Hannon lle is Thank you in Elvish, and Stehveh is basically Elróthiel pronouncing Steve in an Elvish accent! I don't want any flames for that remark, it was a random thing that popped into my brain, and this is a random HUMOROUS fanfiction, in which I can say and do whatever I like! So NYAA!)

Legolas + Arwen: YOU SPEAK ELVISH!!??

Elróthiel: Maaaaaaaybe! Well actually, I only know a bit! Is'at OK?

Legolas: o_O;;;

Arwen: Waaaaaaaa!!!!!!!! Daaaaaddy!!! I don't understand her strangeness!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Elrond the Eyebrow Elf: Arwen, for the last time, strangeness CAN'T HURT YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Arwen: *chin wobbles*

Elrond the EE: Fine! *takes out the two by four and walks calmly toward Elróthiel*

Elróthiel: OH HELL NO!!!!!!!!! GET THAT THING AWAY FROM ME!!!!!! STAY BACK!!!! *bazooka appears in her hand* Huh? Oh! Coolies!

Elrond the EE: What is that? *is distracted by the bazooka*

Elróthiel: Muhahahaaaaa! It seems the tables have turned, Elrond. I am in possession of the ALMIGHTY BAZOOKA!!!!!!!!!!! Fear its awesome power!!!!! POINK!!!!!!! *fires the bazooka*

Bazooka: BANG!!!!!! *smoke appears*

Smoke: *clears*

Bazooka: *has a sign sticking out of the end saying, "BANG!!!"*

Elróthiel: Oh dear *sweatdrops*

Elrond the EE: *swings two by four at Elróthiel*

Elróthiel: *runs off*

Elrond the EE: *chases, occasionally swinging the two by four at Elróthiel's head*

Elróthiel: WWWWWAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! SOOOOOORRRY EVERYONE BUT THIS IS ALL WE HAVE TIME FOR TODAY!!!!!!! SEE YOU NEXT TIME ON THE BEST CHATSHOW IN MIDDLE-EARTH!!!!!!!!!!! *continues running from Elrond the EE"

END!

Yo! I hope y'all liked this edition! I decided to start with three letters instead of five because I just couldn't wait! Besides! Its long enough isn't it? At least I hope it is! Please review this! You know you want to! And don't just review, send in LETTERS, DARES!! FANMAIL!!!!! Yes! The Almighty Fanmail that will have a good result, the result is……………………..ANOTHER CHAPTER!!!!!!!! PLEASE!!!!!!!!!!! SEND IN THE LETTERS, DARES, AND FAAAAAAANMAAAAAAAIIIIIIIIL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

From

Elróthiel, the Elven Goddess of Hilariosity and Laughter!

PS. I realize there were only three letters in the entirety of the fic, but that's all I got! If you want more, send more!