Fan Fiction ❯ The More Troublesome Quest For Sanity ❯ ding ding did die die ( Chapter 4 )

Disclaimer: I don't own Zelda or any related characters. In fact I don't own anything from Lord of the Rings either. I wish I did own that neat little ax of Gimli though. Well, anyway. Just read and enjoy! ^^

Note: I had a hard time deciding on how I should do the ding-ish translations. Then I decided not to do any of them at all. Ganondorf won't talk to the lawyoids in this chapter, so whenever they talk ding-ish to each other, it will appear (like that), in English.

+ + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + +

[teaship of the lawyoids, inside]

B-Ding: (Hey, C! Where did the new wannabe-majesty go?)

C-Ding: (Ssssh, B-Ding! Scot-D's going to kill you if-)

B-Ding: (Just where did he go?)

C-Ding: (Er, I think A-Ding led him to room 234 G.)

B-Ding: (WHAT???? He . . . he's in room 234 G?? With all the ladies??)

C-Ding: (Most likely, yes.)

B-Ding: (Even with . . . .)

C-Ding: (`Fraid so.)

B-Ding: (NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!) [runs off]

Scot-D: [appears] (What's up with him?)

C-Ding: (Nothing, commander.)

Scot-D: (It certainly didn't look like nothing to me.)

C-Ding: (Well, he's just a little bit upset about . . . erm . . . about the fact that Ding-Lyne . . . )

Scot-D: (A beautiful one she is! If not the most beautiful I've ever seen! The King will surely be pleased with her!)

C-Ding: *thinks* (Now that's exactly what I'm afraid of.)

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

[same time, room 234 G]

Ganondorf: I don't exactly know what you're up to, but I think I don't like the idea of it . . .

Female Lawyoids: Ding! Ding! Ding! Ding! Ding! [jump around eagerly]

Narrator: Little do the poor readers know about the look of lawyoidettes. Because compared to their male pendants, they are far less human-like. In fact, they are nothing but orange, umbrella-sized pens with wings. Not very attractive for a male Gerudo, so to speak.

Lawyoidettes: Ding! Ding!! Ding!!! *flap* *flap*

Ganondorf: Args!!

Door: [opens]

B-Ding: (A-HA!!!)

Ganondorf: Thank God, you came to help me!!

B-Ding: (DIE FOR TOUCHING MY BELOVED DING-LYNE!!!)

Ganondorf: Huh?

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

[meanwhile, in the meeting room of the teaship]

Scot-D: (Fellow lawyoids!)

Lawyoids: (Yay!!)

Scot-D: ( I bring great news!)

Lawyoids: (YAY!)

Scot-D: (Our King . . . . has returned!!)

Lawyoids: (YAY!!!)

Scot-D: (Stop that already!)

Lawyoids: (Ya- . . . sorry.)

SFX: KABOOM!!!

Scot-D: (What was that???)

Door: [opens]

D-Tex: (My commander! My commander! The ship is under attack!!)

Lawyoids: (Yay!!!!)

Scot-D: (But who for Ding's Sa-)

SFX: KABOOOOOM!!!

D-Tex: (Oh no!!! We're hit!! We're losing altitude!!)

Lawyoids: (YAY!!!!)

Scot-D+D-Tex: -_-;;;;;;;

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

[same moment, Termina Field]

Link: Looky! Looky! Looky!!!

Sheik: What is it again??

Link: The gigantic, red teapot I saw last night!! It's crashing down!!

Sheik: Yeah, sure. And I'm a pink- OH MY GOD!

Link: So pink oh my God then, tee hee hee!

Sheik: -_-**

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

[teaship, room 234 G]

B-Ding: [strangling Ganondorf] (YOU SHALL NEVER BE KING!!!)

Ganondorf: Aaaarrgs!!! Ack!!! *cough* Help!!

SFX: BOOOM!!! CRASH!!!! BANG!!!! KAZOOM!!! FLOODLEEEDEEP!!!

Lawyoidettes: (Gasp!!! What was that???)

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

[meeting room]

D-Tex: ( We crashed, commander!!)

Scot-D: (No, really?? How did you know?)

D-Tex: (-_-)

Scot-D: (Damage Report, D-Tex!)

D-Tex: (The benzentolyrosation machine is unorderationable, two of the flynchmachrestles have been demanologized, the coffee machine is on fire and more than 77,8 percent of our slixbethaniuminoid is disfindappearoxitating as we speak!)

Scot-D: (And this means?)

D-Tex: (We're totally screwed, commander.)

Lawyoids: (AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!) *panic*

Scot-D: *thinks* (At least . . . .)

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

[room 234 G]

B-Ding: (DIE!!!) *strangle* (DIE!!!) *strangle* (DIE FOR TOUCHING MY GIRLFRIEND!!)

Ding-Lyne: *thinks* (He actually was a nice guy. But his jealousy . . . I think I should go back to my mom . . .)

Ganondorf: SOMEBODY *cough* *choke* HELP *gasp* ME!!

Voice: Fear not, for somebody is here!!!

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

[meeting room]

Narrator: And as the lawyoids were running around in panic, the door opened once again and

B-Ding, or what remained of him, was thrown into the room.

Lawyoids: *gasp* (YAY!!!!)

Scot-D: *thinks* (I really need to get them a dictionary.) *says* (WHO DID THAT???)

Voice: (I DID!!!)

Ganondorf: You speak ding-ish???

Voice: Ssssssh, you're ruining the suspense!!!

Ganondorf: Oh. Sorry.

Scot-D: (Who are you?? Step forward and feel my wrath!!)

Ganondorf: [steps forward, not knowing what Scot-D just said]

Scot-D: (GASP!!! MY KING!!!)

Lawyoids: (YAY!!!!)

Scot-D: *sigh* (Jesus . . . . .)

Voice: (Hold on! He was not the one who killed this foul creature!) [steps forward]

All: (GASP!!!!!)

Inu22: (Gasp indeed! It is I, Inu22! The-)

Lawyoids: (EVIL BUT WAY TOO GOOD LOOKING LAWYOID-KILLER!!)

Inu22: *thinks* They must've read that article about me . . . . *says* (The same!! Now feel MY wrath!!)

Lawyoids: (YAY!!!!)

Scot-D: [bangs his head against the wall]

Inu22: Mweehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehe!! [pulls out an anti-lawyoid-lazer-gun and shoots the lawyoids]

SFX: BANG!! ZOOM!! ZIP!! KASPLAT!! COUGH!! BLEED! DIE!!

- silence -

Ganondorf: Oh my God, you killed my people!!

Inu22: Yeah, so?

Ganondorf: *shrug* Just wanted to point that out. Talking about out; How do we get outta here?

Inu22: Easy

Narrator: . . . Inu said, pulled a bomb out of his pocket and lit it. The fuss of the bomb, not his pocket of course.

Ganondorf: And now?

Inu22: COVER!!!

Ganondorf: Cover what?

SFX: KABOOOOM!!!!!!

Ganondorf: [charred] Ooooh, you meant . . . . *faint*

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

[outside, somewhere near the teaship]

Link: It blew up! It blew up! It blew up!

Sheik: I can see that!

Link: Will we see green aliens now, uncle Sheik? Will we?

Sheik: Er, I guess not.

Link: [throws tantrum] WAAAAAAA!!!! BUT I WANNA SEE GREEN ALIENS!!! I WANT TO!!! I WANT TO!!!

Sheik: -_-;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

[beside the rubble that formally was a beautiful, red teaship]

Ganondorf: Owww! Look!! Look what you did to my hair!!

Inu22: Look what I did to your life!! I saved it!!!

Ganondorf: . . . . . . but my hair!!!

Inu22: -_-*

. . . . . . . . . . .

Ganondorf: And now?

Inu22: What now?

Ganondorf: You didn't even tell me who you are!

Inu22: Don't you ever listen to the introduction??

Ganondorf: You said that in ding-ish!! Well . . . . at least I think so.

Inu22: Okay, okay. Yadda yadda, name is Inu22, blah blah, sexy lawyoid-killer extraordinaire. Got it?

Ganondorf: Er, I guess.

Inu22: Great, here's my card. Galabazooooooooooooooooooo!!! [disappears]

Ganondorf: *sigh* I haven't heard that word for ages. I wonder . . . .

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

[meanwhile, in Minas Tirith]

Queenie: Hey, you!!

Guard: Huh?

Queenie: Yeah you, guard guy there!

Guard: What is it?

Queenie: I'm hungry!

Guard: What may I bring you?

Queenie: A cheeseburger would do just fine.

Guard: I beg you pardon?

Queenie: Are you deaf? I said CHEESEBURGER.

Guard: I am sorry, your author-ness. But I have no knowledge of this aliment.

Queenie: What the . . . . WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!

Guard: Sssssh, your author-ness, please!!

Denethor: What's going on here?????

Queenie: [points at guard] HE'S SO MEAN! HE WANTS TO LET ME STARVE!! WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!

Denethor: Is that true, guard??

Guard: But Sir, I just-

Denethor: TO THE DUNGEON!!

Guard: But I didn't . . . . I wasn't . . . . I . . SIR!! PLEASE!!

Queenie: Nyah nyah nyah nyah nyaaaaah nyah!!

Two Other Guards: [drag the guard away]

Guard: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!

Queenie: ^___^

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

[back to Ganondorf]

Ganondorf: *sigh* It doesn't matter at all. But . . . what to do now?

Evoice: How about . . . . DIE!

SFX: BANG!!

Narrator: And that was the last thing he heard, before the baseball bat collided with his head.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . .

Narrator: A few minutes later Link and Sheik arrived at the remains of the teaship.

Link: Aaaaawwww, ship did owie!!

Sheik: You name it.

Link: Hey, what's that??

Sheik: What's what?

Link: [picks up a piece of paper] That!

Sheik: (reads) clock tower, noon (says) Looks like a message for us!

Link: How do you know??

Sheik: Because I do. *fangirl-faint-smirk*

Link: Oooh, okay. *stupid giggle*

Sheik: *rolls eyes* What's the time, Link?

Link: Uhm . . . the watch says 1 . . . 1 . . . 3 . . . 0!

Sheik: Half past twelve already! We gotta hurry!! [runs away]

Link: Hurry? Where to? Why? Hello?

Sheik: [comes back, grabs Link's arm and runs again]

Link: Eeeeeeeeeeeeeh!!

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

[clock tower, inside, 12:03]

Sheik: Hurry up, Link!

Link: *pant* *pant* *cough*

Evoice: Welcome, welcome to my lair!!

Sheik+Link: GASP!!!!!

+ + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + +

Well, well, well. Does this look like a major cliff-hanger or what? But yes, I will indeed let you suffer until next chapter. And then . . . . the true identity of The Voice shall finally be revealed!! MWAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!