Fan Fiction ❯ The More Troublesome Quest For Sanity ❯ voices revealed, authors returned ( Chapter 5 )

Disclaimer: I own a cold. ACHOOO!!! . . . . but I don't own Zelda. Drats.

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[clock tower, inside]

Evoice: The Hero of Time! Finally we meet again!

Link: Ganondorf!! I knew it!!!

Sheik: Err, Link?

Link: YOU SHALL DIE, FOUL CREATURE!

Sheik: Li-hink!

Link: What???

Sheik: Do you really think that Ganondorf is the Evil Voice?

Link: Gee, of course! Don't be silly!!

Sheik: . . . but he's over there. Gagged and chained to the wall. *points at Ganondorf who's gagged and chained to the wall*

Ganondorf: MMMFFFHNNMMFHNN!!!! *thinks* I'm sick of all that gagging! I'm going to kill Queenie for not helping me this time!

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[meanwhile in Minas Tirith]

Guard1: I told you that it was a bad idea to let the author stay!

Guard2: It wasn't my decision! Lord Denethor said tha-

Guard3: Lord Denethor has lost his mind already!!

Guard1: True that, true that. It grieves me to say so, but Gondor seems to be doomed.

Guard2: Oh come on! It can't be that bad!

[in the throne room]

Queenie+Denethor: [standing on a large table, wearing freaky 80s clothes . . . singing]

Tongue tied or short of breath, don't even try, try a little harder.

Queenie:

Something's wrong, I'm not naïve, you must be strong,

Faramir: [watches them twitching]

Denethor:

Uuuh, baby try. Hey girl, move a little closer!

Faramir: O_O!

Queenie+Denethor:

You're too shy shy hush hush eye to eye!

Faramir: AAAAAAAAAAAHHHH!!!!! [runs away]

[outside]

Faramir: [running past the guards] AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH HHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!

Guard2: You know . . . . maybe it is that bad.

[inside]

Queenie+Denethor: [as before]

Too shy shy hush hush eye to eye!

Too shy shy hush hush eye to eye!

Too shy shy hush huuuuuuush!

. . . . . . . . . . . .

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[back at the clock tower]

Link: Now to kill Ganondorf!!!

Sheik: But I just told you that-

Link: HUZZAH!!

SFX: BANG!!

Narrator: . . . it went, to announce another blackout.

- later -

Link: [wakes up, chained to the wall next to Ganondorf] Huh? What? Where? Sheik!

Sheik: [holding a baseball bat] Yes?

Link: You have a baseball bat! Thank God! Now you can free me and knock out the Evi- hey! One could almost think that YOU where the one who knocked me out!

Sheik: No, really?? You think so?? Oh my, how comes?

Link: Er, never mind. I must've been mistaken. Just an idea . . . now get me outta here!!

Evoice: Your stupidity never ceases to surprise me.

Link: Ganondorf!!!

All: -__-;;;;;;;;

Evoice: GODDAMMIT, LINK!!! I'M NOT GANONDORF!!! I'M-

Narrator: We interrupt this special moment for a little commercial break.

Readers, who have been waiting ages for this moment: *hold up knives threateningly*

Narrator: Hehe . . . then again . . . maybe not?

Readers: *put away the knives*

Narrator: Whew. Well then - on with it.

Evoice: . . . . I'M NOT GANONDORF!! I'M ZELDA!!! ZELDA! ZELDA! ZELDA!!

Link: Nice trick Ganondorf, but I'm far too clever to fall for that one!!

Zelda: ARGS!!!

Ganondorf: *rolls eyes*

Zelda: Sheik?

Sheik: Zelda?

Zelda: Do me a favor and place this lovely little time bomb somewhere next to our guests. [hands Sheik a time bomb]

Sheik: My pleasure! [does as told]

Zelda: I'd love to stay with you but I still have a vicious plan to complete! Sheik!

Sheik: Zelda?

Zelda: Off with an evil laughter!

Sheik+Zelda: MWAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! *disappear*

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Link: Oh my God! Ganondorf has corrupted them!!

Ganondorf: -_-****************

Link: And so I will die! Alas! And the evil king will finally succeed!!

Ganondorf: MFFFFHFNMM HHMMMFFFNNN GHHHHNNGGGMM!!! [roughly translated: YOU BLOODY SON OF A DERANGED SANDWICH!! WE'RE BOTH GOING TO DIE!!!]

Link: What was that? It sounded almost like the word cashmere . . .

Dr.Frank: *appears* La Ola!

Link: ARGS!!! *faint*

Dr.Frank: Gee, what's wrong with the guy?

Ganondorf: Mfffhnn gggmmhmmnhhh fffhhgggmmm! [translated: Is anything not wrong with him would be a better question . . .]

Dr.Frank: I see your ability to speak is disabled. I can not help you for I am a disembodied spirit. But I know a person who can help you! Just hold on a few minutes! *disappears*

Ganondorf: MMMFFFHGGGGGHHH!!! [translated: BUT THE BOMB!!!]

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[seconds later, in Minas Tirith]

Denethor+Queenie: [singing, playing e-guitar and wearing weird leather clothes]

Winter's city side.

Crystal bits of snowflakes

All around my head and in the wind.

I had no illusions,

That I'd ever find a glimpse of su-

Dr.Frank: *appears* Huzz-AH!! THE OSBOURNES!!

Queenie: WHA-

Denethor: The who?

Dr.Frank: No, not The Who. The Osbournes! God, Kelly! You look horrible.

Queenie: WHY YOU LITTLE- I'M GOING TO KILL YOU!!! *pause* Wait . . . didn't you die already?

Dr.Frank: Uhm . . . yes?

Queenie: Good luck for you. Bad luck for another random guard. Denny-honey, can you send in another random guard on whom I can vent my anger? Pretty please?

Denethor: Why of course, my dear. GUARD!!!!

Random Guard: *rushes in* *kneels* My Lord?

Queenie: MWAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!

Random Guard: Eep!

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[clock tower]

Time Bomb: *tick* *tick* *tick* *tick*

Ganondorf: HNNNFFHNN!! HMMMMFFFFMMM!!!

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[Minas Tirith]

Dr.Frank: Once again I have to say how sorry I a-

Queenie: Yeah, yeah, yeah and so on. Now, you want me to come back to Hyrule-

Dr.Frank: Termina.

Queenie: -wherever - to rescue Ganondorf who - quote - doesn't need the help of a stupid, %&/)($&%/ and most of all completely insane authoress - quote end.

Dr.Frank: Uhm, yes.

Queenie: Weeeeeeell, let me think . . . .

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[clock tower]

Time Bomb: *tick* *tick* *tick* *tick*

Ganondorf: MMMMMMMHNNNNNN!!!!!

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[Minas Tirith]

Queenie: Uhm . . . . .

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[clock tower]

Time Bomb: TICK! MUUAHAHAHA! TICK! TICK!

Ganondorf: mmmfffhnmm . . . HHHHMMMMMGFFFFFF!!!! GHHMMM!!!

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[Minas Tirith]

Queenie: I guess . . . . .

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[clock tower]

Time Bomb: I will explode in 30 seconds.

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[Minas Tirith]

Queenie: Well . . . . .

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[clock tower]

Time Bomb: I will explode in 20 seconds.

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[Minas Tirith]

Queenie: No.

Dr.Frank: WHAT????

Queenie: I said no. No as in FORGET IT AND PISS OFF!!! So . . . bye!

Dr.Frank: But . . . but . . .

Queenie: Hush, away! Denethor and I have some politically important business to do.

. . . . . . . . . . . . .

Denethor+Queenie: LIMBO!!!

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[clock tower]

Time Bomb: I will explode in 10 . . . 9 . . . 8 . . .

Ganondorf: *thinks* I guess that's it then. I'm lost. Dead. I didn't expect it to be like that, but . . . oh well. No escape this time.

Time Bomb: 7 . . . 6 . . . 5 . . . .

Ganondorf: *thinks* It was a nice life. Well, parts of it at least.

Time Bomb: 4 . . . . . 3 . . . . 2 . . . .

Ganondorf: *thinks* Or maybe I can duel Din again. But I doubt that she wi-

Random Person: *appears* Huzzah! *frees Ganondorf* *disappears with him*

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[clock tower, outside]

Random Person: Tadaaa!!!

Ganondorf: Link!! Link's still in there!!

Random Person: Yeah.

Cricket: *chirp*

Wind: *howl*

Birds: *sing*

Leaves: *fall*

SFX: KABOOOOM!!!!

Random Person: Not anymore.

Ganondorf: O____O

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[Minas Tirith]

Denethor: And then I told the king to fu-

Dr.Frank: QUEENIE!!

Queenie: What???

Dr.Frank: ENOUGH!!

Queenie: Didn't I tell you to leave???

Dr.Frank: NO MORE CROSSOVERS!! YOU WILL COME WITH ME!! BACK TO HYRULE!!

Queenie: Ha! Yeah, sure.

Dr.Frank: SHAZAAAAAAAAAMMMMM!!!

Narrator: . . . Doctor Frank's disembodied spirit shouted and lunged at Queenie. Surprisingly he somehow managed to grab her ear and drag her away.

Queenie: OW!! AH!! EEKS!!

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[in front of the remains of the clock tower]

Queenie: You . . . you . . . . YOU BROUGHT ME BACK HERE JUST TO SHOW ME A PILE OF RUBBLE???

Dr.Frank: There . . . . but . . . . that . . . .

Queenie: Blah, blah - that was the clock tower, so what?

Dr.Frank: Li . . . but . . . . and . . . they . . . . he . . .

Queenie: JUST SAY IT ALREADY!!!!

Dr.Frank: Link and Ganondorf were in there.

Queenie: So? Oh, I se- WHAT???

Dr.Frank: They . . . . they . . . . . they are-

Queenie: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!! *breaks down* WHY???? WHY HIM????? IT'S MY FAULT!!! EVERYTHING IS MY FRIKKIN FAU-

Dr.Frank: They are standing right over there.

Queenie: THE PAIN! THE HORRO-huh???

Dr.Frank: Well, Ganondorf at least.

Queenie: Ganondorf!!! *runs over to him*

Ganondorf: . . . . . . .

Queenie: What the - Hey!! That's a mockup!! *thinks* Life-sized Ganondorf doll . . . *drool* Gotta keep that, just in case . . . .

Dr.Frank: There's a note attached to his, errr- its arm!

Queenie: *reads* SOMEWHERE - meet us there. Greetings, K

Dr.Frank: Somewhere???? What a detailed information!!

Queenie: Not somewhere. SOMEWHERE. It's short for . . .

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[Shop Of Merry Entertainers Who Have Extra Reading Energy, in the meantime]

Ganondorf: You . . . . you . . . . you . . . you . . . you . . .

Random Person: *checks watch* Yes?

Ganondorf: You killed Link!!

Random Person: Err, I wouldn't call it-

Ganondorf: What are you???

Random Person: I'm an authoress - obviously.

Ganondorf: Oooh no, you're not.

Random Person: And what leads you to that conclusion?

Ganondorf: First of all you didn't introduce yourself in an insane and selfish manner yet - any author would've done that. And secondly a female author would never and I repeat NEVER let Link die!!

Random Person: You're partly right with the second one. As for number one *clears throat* I have many names.

Ganondorf: . . . Aragorn?

Random - female - Person: WHAAAA- *strangles Ganondorf*

Ganondorf: Args!! AIR!! HELP!! COUGH!!

Random Person: [lets go] Whoops, sorry - bad habit of mine. Anyway, my name - well, one of my names, the most common one probably - is [DRUMS!] Krystal!!

- silence -

Ganondorf: . . . . Krystal?

Kyrstal: Exactly!

Ganondorf: Er . . .

Krystal: What??

Ganondorf: Nothing, I just . . . thought it'd be something more . . . special . . . or insane or . . .

Krystal: . . . or something like Samara The Second Wan2B Marc Fan??

Ganondorf: Why, yes! That's more like it!

Krystal: *rolls eyes* Thank you so much for your appreciation.

Ganondorf: You're most welcome. Now . . . where's Queenie?

Krystal: I killed her and took over this fic! MWAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

Ganondorf: O__O

Krystal: Nah, not really. But I've always wanted to say a line like that!

Ganondorf: OO;;;

Queenie: *appears* Galabazooooooo!!!

Ganondorf: Queenie!!

Queenie: Ganondorf!!

Krystal: Queenie!!

Queenie: [wants to say something but stops] Er . . . do I know you?

Krystal: YOU DARE TO FORGET ME????

Queenie: Uhm . . . . apparently.

Krystal: YOU SHALL PA- no, wait. You really don't know me [dramatic pause] - yet!

Ganondorf: . . . . yet?

Queenie: Huh?

Ganondorf: *whispers to Queenie* Can we go home, please?

Krystal: Let me explain it!!

Narrator: We now finally interrupt this stupid and boring chapter for a beautiful commercial! YAY!

- * - * - * - Commercial - * - * - * -

Random Guy: Acuvue - Advancing the science of sight!

- * - * - * - End Commercial - * - * - * -

Narrator: That's it?? One lousy six-word commercial?? And we have to go on with the story already??

Queenie: Yes.

Narrator: WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!! *runs away crying*

Queenie: Sheesh . . .

- a few explanations later -

Ganondorf: So you came to warn us?

Krystal: Exactly!

Queenie: And now??

Krystal: Gwirith! Gwirith! Nag-Amon! Tir-Taeg! Neled Nelthil!

Ganondorf: . . . . come again.

Green Warp Square: *appears*

Krystal: Use it to go to the place where I came from! Only you can save Hyrule now!

Ganondorf: Again???

Krystal: Indeed.

Ganondorf: Please not another-

Queenie: -troublesome quest for sanity!! YAY!! *puts on her old cowboy hat* C'mere lad! *grabs Ganondorf and jumps through the warp square*

Queenie+Ganondorf: EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!

Green Warp Square: *disappears*

Krystal: . . . more troublesome is more like it.

- silence -

Krystal: Anyway. OFF TO WATCH YU-GI-OH!!! *disappears*

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Where will the mysterious portal lead Queenie and Ganondorf?? Is Link really as dead as he seems?? Where did Sheik and Zelda go and what are they plotting??? Will our heroes be able to stop them?? Will I find another handkerchief?? WE'LL FIND OUT - SOON!!

Not very good, not very long - I know. I'm sorry, but my cold . . . *cough* *sneeze* *suffer*

Anyway, I guess the stupid part of the plot is done so hopefully it's going to be better from now on! [Wait, a few plot pieces are still left . . . ahem . . . ]

Now, did you already guess who the Voice was? Probably yes . . . eh, never mind ^^;;