Fan Fiction ❯ The More Troublesome Quest For Sanity ❯ double, double, way more trouble ( Chapter 6 )

Disclaimer: None is mine and mine is none so don't sue me and now be gone!

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[Hyrule Castle, ???]

Ganondorf+Queenie: EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!

SFX: SPLAT!!

Ganondorf+Queenie: OW!!

- silence -

Queenie: Well . . .

Ganondorf: Here we are . . .

Queenie: Yeah.

Ganondorf: Yeah.

. . . . . . .

Ganondorf: How's this place called again?

Queenie: Er, I don't know. But it looks just like Hyrule Castle.

Ganondorf: I can see that. And what are we supposed to do now??

Queenie: Why do you ask me??

Ganondorf: Because Krystal explained all that stuff to you!!

Queenie: Well, I didn't listen.

Ganondorf: O__O

~*~*~*~*~ FLASHBACK ~*~*~*~*~

Krystal: . . . so that's where the portal will lead you to. Your mission is dangerous, difficult and . . . er, can't think of another d-word. Well, anyway. It's actually quite easy. The only thing you must do is . . . .

Queenie: ZzzzzzzzzzzzzzzZzzzzzzzzzZzzzzzzz

Krystal: But you have to do it quickly!! Or otherwise our world is doomed!! . . . got that?

Queenie: zzzzzz- HUH?? Uhm, yay! OFF WE GO!!

~*~*~*~*~ END FLASHBACK ~*~*~*~*~

Ganondorf: Do you want to tell me that you have no idea where we are and why we're here???

Queenie: If you want to put it that way . . . yes.

- silence -

Ganondorf: AAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRGS!!! [lunges at Queenie]

Queenie: Eep! Wait!!

Ganondorf: Why??

Queenie: Maybe we're just . . . maybe this IS Hyrule Castle after all.

Ganondorf: Actually . . . it really does look like it.

Queenie: Yes.

Ganondorf: Yeah.

Queenie: Except . . .

Ganondorf: Except?

Queenie: Except the thing over there. [points at the big, black tower right in front of them]

Ganondorf: You're right. I don't remember this being here before.

Queenie: Oh, and the fact that we're obviously surrounded by water.

Ganondorf: WE'RE WHAT??? [looks at the sky] OO!!!

Queenie: Uh, anyway. Let's go inside, shall we?

Ganondorf: Er . . . .

Queenie: I'll take this as a yes.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

[big, black tower, inside]

Queenie: [looks around] It's . . . . it's . . .

Fire Keese: SCREEEEEEEECH!! [sets Queenie's hair on fire]

Queenie: Owowowowowowowowowowowow!!

Ganondorf: . . . . beautiful.

Queenie: *smoulder* What???

Ganondorf: I've always wanted to live in a castle like this!!

Queenie: Oooh, congratulations. -_-

Ganondorf: Just because I enjoy myself for once . . .

Queenie: Sssh!

Ganondorf: Sssh? Sssh what? Sssh yourself!

Queenie: SHUTUP! [grabs Ganondorf and hides behind a pillar]

Ganondorf: What the-

Queenie: There! [points at somebody]

Ganondorf: Who's that?

Queenie: Do I look like a register of persons to you?

Narrator: Obviously she did.

Queenie: And who asked for your opinion Mr. Smart Ass Narrator??

Narrator: I was just trying to create a more relaxing atmosphere with a harmless comment.

Queenie: Well, you could try to create a more revealing atmosphere by describing the room we're in!

Narrator: If you say so.

Queenie: I do indeed.

Narrator: Fine.

Queenie: Good.

Narrator: Okay.

Queenie: Excellent.

Narrator: Brilliant.

Queenie: MOVE IT!!!

Narrator: Ahem! The room Ganondorf and Queenie were in was basically a pool of lava.

Ganondorf+Queenie: O_O

Narrator: Except a small pillar in the middle and five rope bridges leading to five doors. One of them was locked with . . . a lock.

Ganondorf+Queenie: Duh!

Narrator: And then there was this *somebody* Queenie had pointed at earlier. He wore green clothes, carried a sword and a shield and looked pretty much like a younger version of-

Ganondorf+Queenie: Link!

Narrator: Exactly. Now, after discovering that he wasn't able to open the locked door yet he decided to go for one of the un-locked ones. And off he went.

Ganondorf: Is he gone?

Narrator: I just said that!

Ganondorf: Sorry for asking, oh almighty nitwit of narration!

Narrator: Never mi-hey!! Not nice!

Queenie: Jeez . . .

Narrator: WAH!! [runs away sulking]

Ganondorf+Queenie: *rolleyes*

Ganondorf: And now? Are we going to follow the green one?

Queenie: Nah. Let's head for the locked door!

Ganondorf: But it's . . . locked.

Queenie: Puh-leeze! A-u-t-h-o-r-P-o-w-e-r-s!! . . . remember?

Ganondorf: BUT!

Queenie: But what?

Ganondorf: But we don't know what lies behind the door!!

Queenie: Well, we won't find out by guessing.

Ganondorf: But . . . but . . . what if it's dangerous???

Queenie: Ooooh, right. I'm so sorry, oh mighty King of Evil. I didn't consider THAT! Let's better sit down and have a peaceful little tea party instead, shall we?

Ganondorf: Well that-HEY!! Are you insulting my evilness?

Queenie: Noooooooooo, I wouldn't dare.

Ganondorf: . . . . . good.

Queenie: So off we go!

Ganondorf: WAI-

Queenie: GALABAZOOO!!! *disappears with Ganondorf*

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Narrator: So Ganondorf and Queenie re-appeared behind the door and found themselves right in front of an evil-

Ganondorf: . . . staircase?

Queenie: Well, that's nice.

Narrator: So Ganondorf and Queenie went upstairs and found themselves right in front of an evil-

Ganondorf: . . . door?

Queenie: Another one??

Narrator: So they disappeared, re-appeared behind the door, face to face with an evil-

Ganondorf: . . . staircase?

Queenie: Looks like a major déjà vu to me.

Narrator: And then they went upstairs and guess what?

Ganondorf: Another door???

Narrator: Yep-a! And behind that . . .

Queenie: ACK!!

Ganondorf: Someone should teach the owner of this castle the fine art of using elevators!!

- 34 doors and 35 staircases later -

Queenie: *pant* *cough* *pant* *pant*

Ganondorf: Looks like a certain authoress has skipped her workout lately!

Queenie: That's the *pant* point! Authoress! *gasp* I prefer beaming over walking! *pant*

Ganondorf: I can hear that.

Queenie: Good Lord, it's another door!!

Ganondorf: . . . shall we?

Queenie: . . . can we avoid it?

. . . . . .

Ganondorf+Queenie: I guess not.

Narrator: So they bravely took a look behind the 35th door and found themselves-

Queenie: -in a room!

Narrator: A room indeed. And what a huge room it was! And . . . completely empty. Well, save the bed that was placed in the middle of it.

Ganondorf: Strange, to put it mildly.

Queenie: HA!!

Ganondorf: o_O Are you okay?

Queenie: That's it!!

Ganondorf: Er . . . maybe the stairs were too much for you after all.

Queenie: No, no, no! I know it!

Ganondorf: Know what?

Queenie: I know where we are!!

Ganondorf: Is that so?

Queenie: We're on the wrong set!!

Ganondorf: . . . . . . what???

Queenie: And it's so obvious!!

Ganondorf: Er, mind sharing your enlightenment?

Queenie: This is SLEEPING BEAUTY!!

- silence -

Ganondorf: *mutter* Now she's completely lost it . . .

Queenie: Mais non!! Just think . . . the tower . . . the guy with the sword - a prince apparently and then the bed!!

Ganondorf: And where's the beauty?

Queenie: IN the bed, of course!!

Ganondorf: [walks over to the bed] Now if that's supposed to be a beauty then *she* needs some major restorement.

Queenie: *peek* Well, she doesn't look that bad to me. Especially because she is in fact . . . male.

Ganondorf: . . . . I noticed that.

Queenie: And now?

Ganondorf: I don't know. You're the author!

Queenie: Uhm . . . maybe we should . . . wake him up or something.

Ganondorf: WHA- I've read the tale and if at all then YOU wake him up.

Queenie: But it has to be done by a prince!!

Ganondorf: First of all I'm a king. K-I-N-G! Not a mere prince! And secondly - THAT'S A MAN!!

Queenie: Picky much?

Ganondorf: O_O;;;

Guy in bed: *yawn*

Ganondorf: Huzzah, we did it.

Queenie: Uhm . . . WAKE UP!!!

Guy in bed: [wakes up] What??? Where??? Who??? [sees Ganondorf and Queenie] INTRUDERS!!! HIYAH!!! [forms an energy ball]

SFX: KERSPLAT!! KERSPLAT!!

Narrator: It went, after the energy ball sent Queenie and Ganondorf flying into the next wall.

Ganondorf: Huge ouch . . .

Queenie: Same here . . .

Guy: Who are you and what business do you seek in my bedroom???

Queenie: Counterquestion: What business do you usually seek in somebody's bedroom?

Ganondorf: OO;;;;;

Guy: -__-

Queenie: Er, okay. Other question: Where are we?

Guy: IN MY-

Queenie: No, no, no - generally said.

Guy: In the doomed lands . . . I mean, seas of Hyrule, where else??

Ganondorf: Sea? Hyrule? You can't be serious!

Guy: I am as serious as you're dead.

Queenie: But we're not - uh oh.

Guy: [forms another energy ball]

Ganondorf: Erm . . . uhm . . . we . . . uh . . . what's the time??

Guy: Oh great. Pre-dead chit chatters. Just what I needed.

Queenie: Come on! We should at least be allowed to know when we died!!

Ganondorf: She's right!

Guy: *sigh* I do not know for time has lost its value to me. The year is 2800 and something, but that's the only thing I remember.

Queenie+Ganondorf: O___O WHAT?????

Guy: I'm amazed how surprising dates can be for a mere mortal.

Queenie: I'M NOT-

Ganondorf: Will you excuse us for a second?

Guy: *rollseyes*

Ganondorf: I'll take this as a yes! [grabs Queenie's arm and turns around]

Queenie: What the-

Ganondorf: Did he just say 2800?? He said 2800, didn't he???

Queenie: Er, yes?

Ganondorf: But this means . . .

Queenie: Means . . .

Ganondorf+Queenie: OH MY FREAKING GOD, WE'RE IN THE FUTURE!!!

Guy: Hurry up!!

Ganondorf: Just a few more seconds!!

Guy: *snarl*

Ganondorf: What . . . I mean . . . how . . . I mean . . .

Queenie: [face brightens in a frightening way]

Ganondorf: What is it again??

Queenie: Didn't you notice?

Ganondorf: Notice what?

Queenie: This guy looks just like you!

Ganondorf: WHAT??????

Queenie: Means he's a male Gerudo! Means he must be one of the next Kings of Evil!!

Ganondorf: Oh dear.

Queenie: I knew that there was something sexy about him!

Ganondorf: About *this* guy??? Oh please!! That's a fat, old man in a nightgown!

Queenie: *sigh* Manly Gerudo goodness . . .

Ganondorf: o_o;;;;;;;

Guy: ARE YOU DONE YET???

Queenie: Yeah, yeah, no need to get rude.

Guy: Can I FINALLY kill you now?

Queenie: Well, in fact I do have one more question.

Guy: ARGH!!!

Queenie: Just one!

Guy: Go ahead then, it's not like you're the only ones I have to kill!

Queenie: What's your name?

Guy: My name?? My name??? You don't know my name????

Queenie: Apparently not, so what's the big deal?

Guy: I, dearest intruder, am no other than the great King of Evil himself! The 27th in the bloodline of the royal Dragmires!

Queenie: [turns to Ganondorf] Dude, did you hear that?? He's a Dragmire!! He's related to you!! He might even be your son!!

Ganondorf: *pale* No, he's not.

Queenie: What??? Why???

Ganondorf: Because I am the 27th Dragmire.

Queenie: O____O

Guy: HELLOOOOHOOO!!!

Queenie: Not ye-

Guy: ENOUGH!!! [throws an energy ball]

Queenie: EEP!!! [disappears]

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[seconds later, on a random island]

Ganondorf+Queenie: [appear] AH!!

. . . . . . . .

Queenie: Whew. We're alive.

Ganondorf: But where are we?

Queenie: Can't you read the caption??

Ganondorf: The what?

Queenie: *sigh* We're on a random island.

Ganondorf: Oh.

. . . . . . . .

Ganondorf: I just met myself.

Queenie: Yeah.

. . . . . . . .

Ganondorf: *faint*

Queenie: Sheesh!

. . . . . . . .

Queenie: Ganondorf?

Ganondorf: X_X

Queenie: Ganondorf!!

Ganondorf: . . . . .

Queenie: *shrug* Whatever. Might as well have some fun with his other self . . . *disappears*

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[Future Ganondorf's bedroom]

Queenie: *appears* Huzzah!!

Ganondorf(f): YOU AGAIN!!! [forms energy ball]

Queenie: Ganondorf!! Stop!! Don't you remember me??

Ganondorf(f): But of course I do! YOU'RE THE FREAK THAT WOKE ME UP FIVE MINUTES AGO!!!!

Queenie: Err, that's not quite what I wanted to hear.

Ganondorf(f): Then who are you, foul creature?

Queenie: Foul creature?? And I thought being called Kelly Osbourne was bad already . . .

Ganondorf(f): Speak or I shall kill you right away!

Queenie: *rollseyes* Fine, okay. Once again from the beginning: I am an authoress.

Ganondorf(f): YOU SPEAK LIES, FOUL CREATURE!!!

Queenie: Do you know that this sort of behavior is really annoying?

Ganondorf(f): I haven't seen an author for almost 100 years.

Queenie: Is that so? Well, then you certainly aren't much of a traveller, are you? Or so to say: Have you even left this castle in the last century??

Ganondorf(f): [forms an energy ball]

Queenie: Hey! Put that down!! Jeez, sorry for invading your privacy, oh mightily mad one.

Ganondorf(f): Who are you?

Queenie: An authoress, we had that already. But to be more precise: I'm Queenie, the awesome queen of nothing at all.

Voice in Ganondorf's mind: Queenie . . . . Queenie . . . Queenie . . . Queenie . . .

~*~*~*~*~ FLASHBACK ~*~*~*~*~

[about 100 years ago]

Ganondorf: And I just can't escape her, because she's everywhere!!! I CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE!!!!

Random Shrink: Now, now, calm down, Mister Dragmire. I am concerned about the way you describe this `Queenie'. She seems so incredibly insane, I doubt that she's real.

Ganondorf: WHAT???

RS: Well, I think she's an illusion, nothing but an image, created by your own mind. There's nothing to worry about, Mister Dragmire. People who are frustrated, depressed, angry or simply stressed tend to create imaginary companions for any possible reason. And since you have been imprisoned in this so-called Sacred Realm for quite some time I think that you invented `Queenie' to escape the boredom in your life.

Ganondorf: So she is . . .

~*~*~*~*~ END FLASHBACK ~*~*~*~*~

Voice in Ganondorf's mind: imaginary . . . . imaginary . . . . imaginary . . . . .

Ganondorf(f): GO AWAY!!!

Queenie: What?

Ganondorf(f): Go away, you're not real!!!

Queenie: Huh?

Ganondorf(f): LEAVE ME ALONE, EVIL IMAGE OF MY MIND!!!

Queenie: Oh boy, now HE has completely lost it.

Ganondorf(f): Must find my pills . . . . beautiful yellow pills to make her go away . . . where are they? WHERE ARE THEY????

Queenie: I'll just sit down and wait until you're done. [sits down]

Ganondorf(f): Must . . . . not . . . give . . . in . . . to . . . the . . . illusion . . . must . . . must . . .

Two Zeldas: *appear*

Ganondorf(f): *blink blink*

Zelda1: Prepare for trouble!

Zelda2: And make it double!

Ganondorf(f): *faint*

Queenie: *singing* Another one bites the dust . . . *whistle*

Zelda1: I knew they'd come!

Queenie: They? Like me? Like, hey - your Triforce of Wisdom thingy has finally started to work!

Zelda1: Hah hah hah, mortals. They can be so amusing for the mind of common people.

Queenie: Like, duh!

Zelda2: Like, die!

Queenie: Like, who're you??

Zelda2: Like, Zelda!

Queenie: Like, I thought-

Zelda1: Like, I'm Zelda? Like, yeah!

Queenie: Like, OH MY GOD NOW I REMEMBER!!!

~*~*~*~*~ FLASHBACK ~*~*~*~*~

Krystal: Zelda and Sheik travelled to the future to team up with their future selves, Zelda and Tetra so to speak. They want the Quatroforce of Wisdom!!

~*~*~*~*~ FLASHBACK ~*~*~*~*~

Queenie: Like, shit!!

Zelda(future)+Zelda(past): LIKE, MWAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!

Narrator: Like, could you stop like, talking like the idiots you are???

Zelda(p): IDIOTS???

Zelda(f): Why, that's far from it. With the Quatroforce of Wisdom we will be the most intelligent people on this planet plus we will possess the ability to control the mind of every single person in the universe!

Queenie: Will? Not that I'd mind but since we ARE in the future, don't you have the Quitra . . thingy already?

Zelda(p): Indeed it's supposed to be in our grasps. But unfortunately-

Zelda(f): Unfortunately HE [points at Ganondorf] kidnapped Tetra, so one essential part-

Zelda(p): The fourth Triforce so to say-

Zelda(f): -is missing.

Queenie: Like, bad luck.

Zelda(p): Not anymore!

Zelda(f): We came to claim Tetra from him!!

Zelda(p): And if he's not willing to hand her over-

Zelda(f): Then we'll take her by force!!

Queenie: Erm . . .

. . . . . . . . . .

Queenie: ELVIS!!!! [points at the ceiling]

Zelda(f)+Zelda(p): LIKE WHERE???? [turn around]

Queenie: [grabs Ganondorf and disappears]

Zelda(f): But he's not - HEY!!

Zelda(p): Where did they go???

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[random island]

Queenie+Ganondorf(f): [appear]

Queenie: Whew! That was close. Thank God they're still both stupid beyond believe.

Ganondorf(f)+Ganondorf(p): [wake up] [see each other] AAAAH!!!!! *faint*

Queenie: *sigh* This is going to be a loooooong day.

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Surprised to see them in the future? I thought it was a nice idea. Just wait until the real quest starts! That's going to be a nice chaos! ^_^

Er, for general information: I changed the former timeline. Instead of 600 years or so I'm simply going to assume a 100 years difference and that the future is set in 2800. So there. About the persons;

Ganondorf(p) - Ganondorf from OoT, an adult

Ganondorf(f) - Ganondorf from TWW, also an adult

Zelda(p) - grown up Zelda from OoT, adult so to speak [or teenager that is?]

Zelda(f) - TWW Zelda, child