Fan Fiction ❯ The More Troublesome Quest For Sanity ❯ yikes! ack! blah! ohmygod! ( Chapter 8 )
Zelda(f): Turn North!
Captain: Aye! *disappears*
Zelda(p): North? Why North?
Zelda(f): *shrug* I just felt like giving an order . . .
Anime/Manga: Fan Fiction | Genre(s): Comedy / Adventure / | Type: Continuation | Uploaded On: 11.19.2004 | Pages: 19 | Words: 8.1K | Visits: 216 | Status: Completed
Disclaimer: I don't own Zelda or any related characters. Please leave a message after the args. ARGS!
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[Link's random island, in a forest]
Link: *whistle* I'm a lumberjack and I'm okay. I sleep all night and I work all day.
Suddenly Appearing Choir: [appears, suddenly] He's a lumberjack and he's okay! He sleeps all night and he works all day!
Link: ^_^
SAC:
He's a lumberjack and he's okay!
He sleeps all night and he works all day!
Link:
I cut down trees. I eat my lunch.
I go to the lavatory.
On Wednesdays I go shoppin'
And have buttered scones for tea.
SAC:
He cuts down trees! He eats his lunch!
He goes to the lavatory!
On Wednesdays he goes shoppin'!
And has buttered scones for tea!
Yeeeeeees!
He's a lumberjack and he's okay!
He sleeps all night and he works all day!
Link:
I cut down trees. I skip and jump.
I like to press wild flowers.
I put on women's clothing
And hang around in bars.
SAC:
He cuts down trees! He skips and jumps!
He likes to press wild flowers!
He puts on women's clothing??
And hangs around in bars!
Uuuuuuuuuh!
He's a lumberjack and he's okay!
He works all night and he sleeps all day!
Link:
I cut down trees. I wear high heels,
Suspenders and a br-
[suddenly the music stops and the suddenly appearing choir disappears]
Voice: Oh boy, I don't like where this is going.
Link: Hey! You interrupted my song!
Voice: Then keep it male next time!
Link: Humph. [hides silver wig behind his back]
Voice: Allow me now to introduce myself! I am-
Voice2: -stealing my lines!
Voice: Am not!
Voice2: Are too!
Link: *whisper* Guys!
Suddenly Appearing Choir: *appears*
He's a lumberjack and he's okay!
He sleeps all night and he works all day!
He's a lumberjack and he's okaaaaaaaaaaaaaay!
He sleeps all night and he wo-
Voices: SHUT UP!!!
SAC: *disappears*
Link: You scared my choir! *sniff*
Voice: Yeah, whatever. Can we get this over at last?
SAC: *reappears* Introoooduuuuctioooon tiiiiiiiiiime!
All: GET LOST ALREADY!!
SAC: HUMPH! *disappear*
Voice: Where was I?
Voice2: As I was going to say: We are the amazing
Voice: incredible
Voice2: extraordinary
Voice: terrific
Voice2: and wonderful
Voices: Sisters of Alpha Green!
Voice: Sister iceprincess, the princess of ice!
Voice2: And sister ooka-chan, formally known as LinkLovr, formallier known as whocares!
Link: *blink blink*
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[Ganondorfs' random island, in a cave]
Ganondorf(p): I spy with my Gerudo eye . . . . something grey.
Ganondorf(f): Uhm . . . a stone?
Ganondorf(p): Bingo! Your turn.
Ganondorf(f): I spy with my Gerudo eye . . . . something . . . . grey!
Ganondorf(p): Wow, tough one! Uhm . . . . a stone?
Ganondorf(f): Yep. Go on.
Ganondorf(p): I spy with my Gerudo eye-
Ganondorf(f): God, this is so boring!! Does this cave never end??
Voice: It does not if one is not aware of the right way out!
Ganondorf(p)+Ganondorf(f): Not another random voice!!
Voice: Ah, I am neither random nor merely a voice. I am well-known . . . er, at least my friends know me very well. Uhm, anyway. I'm *lights a torch* Sister Miss Lia!
Ganondorf(p): Sister Miss Lia??
Miss Lia: One of the great Sisters of Alpha Red!
Ganondorf(f): Sisters of Alpha Red??
Miss Lia: Do you have to repeat everything I say?
Ganondorf(p)+Ganondorf(f): Repeat everything???
Miss Lia: -__-;;
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[Link's random island]
iceprincess: The Sisters of Alpha Green-
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[Ganondorfs' random island]
Miss Lia: -Alpha Red are a group of people who-
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[Link's random island]
ooka-chan: -have one thing in common. They are huge Link-
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[Ganondorfs' random island]
Miss Lia: -Ganondorf fans. The community Alpha Red-
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[Link's random island]
iceprincess: -Alpha Green was founded about 70 years ago by-
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[Ganondorfs' random island]
Miss Lia: -a group of unknown Ganondorf fans.
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[Link's random island]
ooka-chan: Link fans. Thanks to our strict rules we managed to keep the club-
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[Ganondorfs' random island]
Miss Lia: -small and bought our own island 20 years ago. Now all the sisters and brothers of Alpha Red-
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[Link's random island]
iceprincess: -Alpha Green are living on this island called Alpha Green Island.
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[Ganondorfs' random island]
Miss Lia: -Alpha Red island. Erm . . .
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[Link's random island - Alpha Green Island]
ooka-chan: - got that?
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[Ganondorfs' random island - Alpha Red Island]
Ganondorf(p)+Ganondorf(f): Uhm . . . .
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[Alpha Green Island]
Link: . . . . I guess.
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[Alpha Red Island]
Miss Lia: But in the last ten years a new danger is spreading in Hyrule. Ganondorf fans are no longer safe. A new group has appeared. They're called Alpha Pink, but they have nothing in common with our organisation or Alpha Green. They are . . . soldiers. Soldiers of Zelda, trained to kill everyone who dares to oppose her power. She's evil I tell you, evil!!
Ganondorf(p): Fine. Now you just wasted 5 word pages and 20 minutes of our precious life to give the readers a pointless plot summary. But can you eventually help US??
Miss Lia: Uhm . . . well . . . you know . . . . *reads script* . . . yes!!
Ganondorf(p)+Ganondorf(f): Really???
Miss Lia: No, just kidding.
Ganondorf(p)+Ganondorf(f): O__O
Miss Lia: Ha, kidding again!
Ganondorf(p): o_O???
Miss Lia: You see, I was just kidding when I said that I was just kidding.
Ganondorf(p)+Ganondorf(f): o_ô
Miss Lia: Jeez, just take this map and leave me alone! [hands the Ganondorfs a map]
Ganondorf(f): But how-
Miss Lia: Galabazooooo! *disappears*
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[random island - yay!]
Queenie: Okay . . . what did Melian tell me to do again? Ah, I remember! [pulls out a note and reads it] `Travel to the Island of Ack, find the heavily guarded Temple of Blah, where the Library of Ohmygod lies and check out the Book of Yikes.' Sounds easy enough.
Narrator: And as she was walking over the hills, across the fields and so on she eventually reached a Temple. It was heavily guarded.
Guard: Thou shall not pass!
Queenie: Excuse me, but is this the Temple of Blah on the Island of Ack, where I can find the Book of Yikes which lies in the Library of Ohmygod?
Guard: No. This is the Island of Yikes, where you can find a copy of the Book of Ack, which lies in the Temple of Ohmygod, in the Library of Blah so to speak.
Queenie: Oh. Sorry for the interruption then.
Guard: Never mind. *falls asleep*
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[Island of Alpha Green]
ooka-chan: A geast!
iceprincess: A geast!
ooka-chan+iceprincess: Time for a feast!
Link: That's guest actually, isn't it?
Random Fangirls: LINK!!!
Fangirl1: I can't believe it!
Fangirl2: Is it really him?
ooka-chan: He is real!
iceprincess: And he will stay!
Link: Will I?
Random Fangirls: You SO don't have an other choice! *giggle*
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[another random island]
Queenie: Now hopefully this is the Island of Ack, with the heavily guarded Temple of Blah, where the Library of Ohmygod, which has the Book of Yikes in it, lies.
Narrator: And as she was walking over the hills, across the fields and so on she eventually reached a Temple. It was heavily guarded.
Guard: You shan't pass!
Queenie: Excuse me, but can I find the Book of Yikes on this Island of Ack, in this Temple of Blah, in the Library of Ohmygod?
Guard: Huh? No. This is the Island of Ohmygod, we sell copies of the Book of Blah in the Library of Ack which you'll find in the Temple of Yikes.
Queenie: AAARRRGHH!!!
Guard: The city of AAARRRGHH? Oh, it's right this way. *points at a city in the distance*
Queenie: O_O;;;
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[Island of Alpha Red]
Ganondorf(f): I spy with my Gerudo eye . . . something black.
Ganondorf(p): The endless darkness?
Ganondorf(f): Right again!
Ganondorf(p): I spy with my Gerudo eye . . . something black.
Ganondorf(f): Uhm . . . . might it by any chance be the endless darkness?
Ganondorf(p): Wow. You're good!
Ganondorf(f): I think this Sister Miss girl could at least have told us the right way out of this cave.
Ganondorf(p): Don't complain, spy.
Ganondorf(f): Fiiine. I spy with my Gerudo eye . . . . . . . .
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[random island]
Queenie: Maybe this is the Island of Ack, with the heavily guarded Temple of Blah, where the Library of Ohmygod, which has the Book of Yikes in it, lies at last!!
Narrator: And as she was walking over the hills, across the fields and so on she eventually reached a Temple. It was heavily guarded. Yet again.
Queenie: Huzzah! DIE EVIL GUARD!! [knocks guard down] On the Island of Ack none shall stand between me and the Book of Yikes, which lies in the Temple of Blah and the Library of Ohmygod to be more precise!
Guard: *cough* *breathe* *bleed* But . . . this . . . . is . . . the Island of Blah . . . our temple is *cough* called the Temple of Ack with . . . *breathe* . . . the Library of Yikes where the great book of . . . *pant* . . . Ohmygod lies . . . . GAH! *dies*
Queenie: Uhm . . . sorry then. ^_^;;
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[on a random . . . . ship!]
Zelda(f): Can you locate her?
Zelda(p): According to my visions she is . . . . in your pocket.
Zelda(f): o_o*** Jesus . . . .
Zelda(p): Stop complaining or do it better!
Zelda(f): Humph. CAPTAIN!!
Captain: *appears* Aye?
Zelda(f): Turn North!
Captain: Aye! *disappears*
Zelda(p): North? Why North?
Zelda(f): *shrug* I just felt like giving an order . . .
Zelda(p): -_-;;;
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[Island of Alpha Green]
ooka-chan: LET THE PARTY BEGIN!!
Suddenly Appearing Choir: *appears*
The muuuuuusiiiiiic plaaaaaaaaaaays!
Fangirl1:
Sitting in the light,
celebrating every night,
You're sexy!
SAC:
Oh! Oh! Oh!
Fangirl2:
The bluest of blue eyes,
I see them in the crystal skies,
We love you-
SAC:
So! So! So!
Link:
Look girls, I like your song,
But we won't get along,
So I say-
SAC:
No! No! No!
Link:
I'd love to party on,
But I need to be gone,
To kill a-
SAC:
Foe! Foe! Foe!
iceprincess:
Oh Linky, please don't leave,
Forget your job, forget the thief,
And also-
SAC:
Joe! Joe! Joe!
Link: *says* Who's Joe?
Fangirls:
We want to have you here,
We want to sing and dance and cheer,
But you must-
SAC:
Go! Go! Go!
Fangirl:
Hey, it was just a try,
And even though we'll cry,
We're saying-
SAC:
Bye! Bye! Bye!
Link: Really?? Thanks!! *rushes away*
ooka-chan: Hey!! Wait!! There're still seven chorus parts left!! LINK!! *runs after him*
- silence -
iceprincess: Who's up for Strip Poker?
All: YAY!!
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[random island]
Queenie: *sigh* It's hopeless. If I wasn't already crazy I'd certainly be by now.
Guard: HALT!
Queenie: Ah! Who are you?
Guard: A random guard, obviously.
Queenie: What do you want?
Guard: I just want to inform you that none shall enter the heavily guarded Temple of Blah, on the Island of Ack, where we keep the Book of Yikes in the Library of Ohmygod!!!
Queenie: Say that again!
Guard: *rolls eyes* I just want to inform you that none shall enter the heavily guarded Temple of Blah, on the Island of Ack, where we ke-
Queenie: Enough information. HUZZAH!!
SFX: KICK! SMASH! KICK! KICK!
Guard: X_X
Queenie: Yay! [strikes random victory pose] Galabazoooo! [enters the temple]
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[Island of Alpha Red]
Ganondorf(p): The endless darkness?
Ganondorf(f): Right AGAIN!
Ganondorf(p): *sigh* Just why don't we have a map or anything?
- silence -
Ganondorf(p)+Ganondorf(f): THE MAP!!
Ganondorf(f): [takes out Miss Lia's map] Erm . . . it reads . . . . uhm . . . it's . . . too dark to read it.
Ganondorf(p): [forms a small, bright energy ball] Better?
Ganondorf(f): Uhm . . . erm . . . I . . . still can't read it.
Ganondorf(p): Huh? Gimme that! [takes map] But it clearly reads: "You're doomed!" Why couldn't you read that?
Ganondorf(f): I . . . well . . . I can't read.
Ganondorf(p): Did . . . did you just say you can't read?
Ganondorf(f): [lowers head in shame] Yes.
Ganondorf(p): But that's not POSSIBLE! I CAN read!!
Ganondorf(f): . . . .really?
Ganondorf(p): Yes.
Ganondorf(f): So . . . I can read too?
Ganondorf(p): Yes.
- silence -
Ganondorf(f): I CAN READ!! JOY!! YAYNESS! I CAN READ!
Ganondorf(p): O_O *thinks* Horrible, what old age is doing to me . . .
- silence -
Ganondorf(f): Did the thing say we're doomed?
Ganondorf(p): Uhm . . . yes.
- more silence -
Ganondorf(p)+Ganondorf(f): WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!! WE'RE DOOMED!!!
Miss Lia: *appears* SHUT UP! Some people are trying to watch South Park here! What the hell are you still doing in the cave???
Ganondorf(p): We can't find the exit.
Ganondorf(f): And your map says we're doomed!
Miss Lia: Doomed?? It's DOMED, not doomed!! This hole is domed! And the exit is right there. *points at a door behind them*
Ganondorf(p): So you mean we just had to turn around?
Ganondorf(f): And actually we could've thought of that about eight hours ago?
Miss Lia: Er, something like that, yeah. Anyway, have a nice day. Oh, and take this other map! [hands the Ganondorfs another map] Bye! *disappears*
Ganondorf(f): One more question-
Miss Lia's Voice: Miss Lia is currently busy so GET YOUR $%%&/(%&$ /(&%$ OUTTA HERE AND LEAVE HER ALONE!!
Ganondorf(p): I think the message was quite clear . . .
Ganondorf(p)+Ganondorf(f): AH! [they run out of the cave]
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[Island of Alpha Green]
King of Red Lions: *yawn*
Link: *running* Helpmehelpmehelpmehelpme!
King of Red Lions: Huh?
ooka-chan: Waaaaaiiiiiiiit!!
Link: FANGIRLS!!!
ooka-chan: LIIINKYYYYY!!
Link: Major . . .Ruto . . . déjà vu . . . *twitch*
King of Red Lions: Quick! Hop in so we can leave this island!
ooka-chan: WAAAAAAIIIIIIT!! [tackles Link down]
Link: OOF!
ooka-chan: Whoops, sorry. I just wanted to say good bye.
King of Red Lions: Gives the word painful farewell a whole new meaning . . .
ooka-chan: -_- And of course I still have something useful for you!
Link: Band aids?
ooka-chan: Sheesh, no! It's a map! It will lead you to another dangerous island! Great, isn't it?
Link: . . . . lovely.
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[random place, random library]
Sheik: [holding a sword] HANDS UP EVERYONE!!
Random People: *singing*
Hands up! Baby hands up!
Give me your love, baby, baby!
Give me your love!
Sheik: O__O What the- [spots a sign saying `Annual Neurotic Singer Meeting'] . . . never mind.
Librarian: May I help you?
Sheik: Yes, uhm . . .I need a map.
Librarian: We have excellent colored China-maps, if that's what you-
Sheik: No, no. I need *whisper* *whisper*
Librarian: GASP!! BUT THE EVIL-
Sheik: Ssssssssh!
Librarian: Oh. Right. I beg you pardon.
Sheik: So do you have one?
Librarian: No. But you'll certainly find a copy in the Library of Ohmygod.
Sheik: And where exactly would that be?
Librarian: In the Temple of Blah, on the Island of Ack.
Sheik: That's all I need to know. Huzzah! *disappears*
Librarian: Strange guy . . .
Random Guy:
Strange guy, yeah yeah!
Come over here!
Strange guy, wow, be my lover!
Uh uh uh!
Strange guy, when do you appear?
Strange guy, I-
Librarian: -_-;;; *thinks* I'm going to cancel their next meeting . . .
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[Alpha Red Island]
Ganondorf(p): Now we are free and we know where to go. But HOW??
Ganondorf(f): Well, how did we actually get here in the first place?
Ganondorf(p): The sharks, remember?
Ganondorf(f): Oh. Right. But where are they??
Ganondorf(p): Eddy??? Teddy???
- silence -
Ganondorf(f): Great. We're lost. Unless-
Voice: Hullah!!
Ganondorf(p)+Ganondorf(f): AH!! *skyrocket*
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Yet another random voice!! But who might it be this time?? Suspense, suspense, suspense!
Sorry for the long delay but I didn't quite feel like writing in the past few days . . .