Fan Fiction ❯ The More Troublesome Quest For Sanity ❯ more boaty boatness ( Chapter 9 )

Disclaimer: Doesth thou owneth thy Zeldath oreth any relatedeth charters?, the voice asked me. NOPETH!, I replied.

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Narrator: Last time on TMTQFS:

Ganondorf(f): Great. We're lost. Unless-

Voice: Hullah!!

Ganondorf(p)+Ganondorf(f): AH!! *skyrocket*

Narrator: Now on TMTQFS:

Voice: Did I scare you? Did I scare you? Huh? Huh? Huh? Did I sca-

Ganondorf(p)+Ganondorf(f): SHUT UP!

Voice: Sorry. Uhm . . . where was I?

Ganondorf(p): You screamed Hullah and thus scared us.

Voice: I scared you? I scared you? YAY!! I scared you! I scared y-

Ganondorf(p)+Ganondorf(f): WE GET IT!!!

Voice: Fiiiiine . . . .

Ganondorf(f): Who are you? Or more important: What do you want?

Voice: I want ice cream, but that's not the point. Anyway, I came to help you.

Ganondorf(p): Oh how I despise this phrase . . . .

Voice: I might as well disappear again without telling you about . . . things.

Ganondorf(f): Things? Oh, yeah. I've always wanted to hear more about . . . . things. SO WHO ARE YOU???

Voice: I am the Queen of Red Lions! [DUN DUN DUUUUUUUN DUN!!!]

Ganondorf(f): What was that??

Ganondorf(p): What?

Ganondorf(f): Queen of Red Lions. [DUN DUN DUUUUUUUUN DUN!!!]

Ganondorf(p): Oh. That's just Nathanael, the sound effects dude. [DUN DUN DUUUUUUN DUN !!] Stop it!! [DEEDLE DEEDLE DOOO!]

All: -_-;;;

Queen of Red Lions: I feel ignored! *appears*

Ganondorf(p): You're a . . .

Ganondorf(f): . . . boat. [DUN DUN DUUUUUUUUN DUN!!!]

Ganondorf(p): SOMEONE should think about the word `exaggerated'.

Nathanael: *whistle*

Queen of Red Lions: And yes, I am a boat. But I'm still bloody sexy, am I not??

Ganondorf(p): Erm . . .

Ganondorf(f): Uhm . . .

Queen of Red Lions: -_-

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[Don't you think that this world needs more random islands?]

King of Red Lions: Tadaa! We're there.

Link: Where?

King of Red Lions: On the island of course.

Link: Which island?

King of Red Lions: The island which was marked on Alpha Green's map.

Link: I KNOW that. But how is it called?

King of Red Lions: As far as I know this is the "dark island of destruction, doom and certain death, including immense torture".

Link: OO!

King of Red Lions: No, wait. The "dark island of destruction, doom and certain death including immense torture" was the island where I bought a DVD last week. This is Dragon Roost Island.

Link: O_O***

King of Red Lions: What are you waiting for?? Go and find the youknowwhat!!!

Link: Okey dokey! *runs away*

King of Red Lions: Why do I get the feeling that this just worked a *little bit* too easy??

Link: *comes back* Got it! Got it!

King of Red Lions: What??? Where???

Link: Here! *proudly holds up an umbrella*

King of Red Lions: O____O

Link: Everything alright?

King of Red Lions: Link, what exactly did I tell you to find on this island?

Link: The youknowwhat!

King of Red Lions: And do you really think that the youknowwhat - which by the way can be used as a very powerful weapon - is an umbrella?

Link: Uhm . . .

King of Red Lions: *thinks* This is going to be a loooooong day . . .

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[Island of Ack]

Queenie: *reading a book* Well, well, well, looks like we're doomed. Guess I gotta warn the others and tell them what Zelda, Sheik and Zelda are really after.

Sheik: *appears* Well, well, well I guess you won't do that.

Queenie: AH! *skyrockets* Jesus, Sheik! You scared me! For one second I really thought it was someone who'd actually be somewhat dangerous.

Sheik: Oh no, it's just- HEY!!!

Queenie: *blink blink* Yeeeeees?

Sheik: Even your author powers will be useless once we've reached our goal.

Queenie: Why, I'm sorry but I don't think I'll life long enough to experience that.

Sheik: ENOUGH!!!

Queenie: Okay, okay. I wanted to leave anyway. *turns to leave*

Sheik: Not so fast! You're not going anywhere . . . at least not alive. Zelda and Zelda will be here any minute now and then we're going to kill you. No, wait. You and your friends shall be tortured until they beg for their deaths!! And then the world will be in our hands and I will finally succeed!! MWAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!

Queenie: *dry* Oh no. Do you want to say that Zelda is not going anywhere . . . at least not alive? And that my friends and I will be here any minute now and then we're going to kill the world? No wait, you want to say that you and Zelda shall be tortured until you beg for your deaths? And then my friends will be in Zeldas hands and I will finally succeed?

Sheik: That's it exac- one second. I said that I'm not going anywhere . . . at least not alive. And that Zelda and your friends will be here any minute now and they're going to kill me. No, no, no. I said the world and Zelda shall be tortured until they beg for their deaths. And then I will be in Zeldas hands and your friends will finally succeed! HA! YEAH! That's it!

Queenie: Are you sure? To me it sounded more like the world isn't going anywhere . . . at least not with Zelda. And you will be in Paris any minute now and they will torture your hands until they beg for my friends. Then Zelda and Zelda shall be killed until your hand is finally in the pocket of my friends and I am in the world and your lawyer will finally succeed. Well, at least that's what I understood.

Sheik: But I said . . . .

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[Forsaken Fortress]

Zelda(f): Where is he??? Where are the maps??? We're running out of time and your alter-ego is somewhere out there, toying with fangirls!!

Zelda(p): Hey!! In some ways he's your alter-ego too!! And he's not toying with anyone! The maps are simply hard to find. I mean, they wouldn't just sell ancient maps to powerful relicts somewhere on the street, would they?

Zelda(f): Err, probably not.

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[somewhere on the street]

Tingle: Maaaaaps! Ancient maps to powerful relicts and fast food restaurants! Maaaps! Buy two get one free! Maaaaaaaps!

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[Forsaken Fortress]

Zelda(p): So why did you choose this place of all?

Zelda(f): Because it's been used as an evil hideout before. Besides, we can't let Ganondorf gain more power by gaining more islands. Plus Tetra might be hidden here. Talking about her: How's the location spell going?

Zelda(p): *sigh* Still saying that she's in your pocket.

Zelda(f): O_O;;;

Zelda(p): Well, do it better then. Humpf.

Zelda(f): It doesn't matter, really. Soon Hyrule and the whole ocean will be under our control! MWAAHAHAHAHA-

Zelda(p): How?

Zelda(f): HAHA- what?

Zelda(p): How are we going to control Hyrule and the whole ocean?

Zelda(f): What a stupid question!! We're going to . . . well, I mean we just have to . . . it's almost as simple as . . . I think we-

Zelda(p): Weeeeeell???

Zelda(f): Now . . . uhm . . . . I . . . . THAT'S IT!!

Zelda(p): What's it?

Zelda(f): Get me a computer!! QUICK!!

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[Island of Ack]

Sheik: . . . and the handy lawyer tortured the world of Zeldas friends. That's it.

Queenie: That's it?

Sheik: That's it.

Queenie: Good, finally. So can I go now?

Sheik: Of course, see you later!

Queenie: Bye!

Sheik: Bye.

Queenie: *wants to leave*

Sheik: WHOA, WAIT!!

Queenie: Huh?

Sheik: Do you really think I'm that stupid??

Queenie: Uhm . . .

Sheik: The exit is *this* way!! *points at a door* You're trying to leave through the kitchen door!

Queenie: Ooooooh! Haha . . . uhm . . . silly me.

Sheik: Yeah, better watch where you're going next time.

Queenie: Of course I will. Bye Sheik! *runs away*

Sheik: Bye! *thinks* She's a nice author, really. I wonder wha- hey, hold on one second! *says* Libraries don't have kitchens!! QUEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE-

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[Alpha Red Island]

Sheik's Voice: EEEEEEEEEEEEEENIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEE!!!!

Ganondorf(f): Who's that??

Queenie: *appears* Sheik.

Ganondorf(p): Sheik??

Ganondorf(f): He sounds angry.

Queenie: Oh, no. He's not angry. He's freaking pissed.

All: Oooooh.

Queenie: Talking about who's that, who's that? *looks at the Queen of Red Lions*

Queen of Red Lions: I am the Queen of Red Lions!

Queenie: Queenie, the awesome queen of nothing at all. Nice to meet you!

Queen of Red Lions: So guys, are you ready?

Queenie: Ready for what?

Queen of Red Lions: I'm going to take them to the island where they can find the first pearl.

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[Dragon Roost Island]

Link: The what?

King of Red Lions: The first pearl.

Link: What's that?

King of Red Lions: THE THING I AM TALKING ABOUT ALL THE TIME!!

Link: Really? I don't recall you ever mentioning it.

King of Red Lions: O_O;;;;;;;

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[Alpha Red Island]

Queen of Red Lions: Why, of course I didn't mention it. I thought it was obvious.

Ganondorf(f): Oooh no. No way! I'm not going to travel in a talking ship!

Queen of Red Lions: I'm not a talking ship, I'm a talking boat!

Ganondorf(f): Well, in that case . . . I STILL WON'T DO IT!!!

Ganondorf(p): Gee, calm down. We've had worse.

Ganondorf(f): Yes, but for me that's happened ages ago!! And I don't want to do it again . . . never . . . no way. I quit.

Queenie: But you-

Ganondorf(f): I can!

Queen of Red Lions: So you want to stay on this island for the rest of your undoubtedly short life?

Ganondorf(f): Nope. Because I finally remember how I can go back to my peaceful, evil mansion - far away from you!!

Queenie: (to Ganondorf(p)) Ganny, Ganny, I've got the feeling that we're going to drift apart . . .

Queen of Red Lions: And HOW are you going to go back?

Ganondorf(f): Just like this; TOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOORIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII!!!

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[Forsaken Fortress]

Zelda(f): Tadaaaaa!! *holding up a parcel*

Zelda(p): I don't see a point in this.

Zelda(f): Oh, but you will soon. *opens it* It's lovely, wonderful, perfect-

Zelda(p): -rubbish.

Zelda(f): Whaaaaat?? You dare to insult the . . . the . . . erm . . .

Zelda(p): You don't know what you've just bought, right?

Zelda(f): That's not true!!

Zelda(p): Then tell me what *this* is and where you got it from.

Zelda(f): A guy called evil_flamin_aye_99 sold it to me on Ebay.

Zelda(p): On Ebay???

Zelda(f): Uh huh. And it's an . . . Instant Destruction Kit [DUN DUN DUUUUUUN DUN!!]

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[Alpha Red Island]

Ganondorf(p): Now that's just stupid.

Queenie: And what are we waiting for?

Ganondorf(f): You'll see. Three . . . two . . . one and-

SFX: BWAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAK!!!

All: *look up*

Ganondorf(p): What the-

Queen of Red Lions: The Helmaroc King!!!!

Ganondorf(f): Or Tori how I prefer calling him.

Queenie: Tori? Isn't that Japanese for-

Ganondorf(f): -bird.

Tori: Bwaaaaaaak!

Ganondorf(p): How original.

Ganondorf(f): Yeah, I know. Tori is my, pardon our, favorite pet.

Tori: BWAAAK!!

Ganondorf(f): Exactly, my friend. *climbs onto Tori's back* Now if you'll excuse us-

Tori: BWAAK!!

Ganondorf(f): UP UP AND AWAY!!!

Tori: BWAAAAAAAAAAAAAK!!! *flies away*

Narrator: And so Ganondorfs future self left the group, completely oblivious to the fact that-

Queenie: OH MY GOD!!!

Ganondorf(p): What??

Queenie: I forgot to tell him something **really** important!!

Ganondorf(p): And that is?

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[Dragon Roost Island]

King of Red Lions: We're not alone.

Link: What???

King of Red Lions: Ssssssssh!

Link: Sssh yourself!!

King of Red Lions: Link, shut up! Behind that palm tree . . .

Link: What?

King of Red Lions: There-is-somebody.

Link: Like, who?

Somebody: *appear from behind the palm tree* HUZZAH!!

Link: AH!!!! *skyrocket* But . . . but . . . but that's-

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Yeeeeees? Who is it, Linky boy? Will you tell us? Next chapter maybe? Fine, then be patient, dearest, most suffering readers!

I'm sorry guys, I know this chapter took me ages to upload and it's horribly short and medium quality if at all . . . I'll try to do better next time but my work in and back from France is keeping me busy and I prefer this over not updating at all . . . .