Fan Fiction ❯ The Troublesome Quest For Sanity ❯ more problems with music and THE VOICE! ( Chapter 20 )

The Disclaimer Scene;

AnimeObsessorYR: SUCCESS!! YAY!!! HYRULE IS NO MORE!!!

Narrator: Little does she know about Queenie's awesome Author Powers which she simply used to turn back time and save Hyrule!

AnimeObsessorYR: Drats, uhm . . . . REVENGE!!!!!

Risha: Hey, why don't we just blow up something else?

AnimeObsessorYR: Like what?

Risha: Like . . . uhm . . . Canada?

AnimeObsessorYR: ^_____^ LET'S GO!!!!

Risha: ^_^

[they disappear]

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

[1 minute earlier]

All (except Queenie): LIT???????????????????????

Queenie: Yeah, lit.

Ganondorf: NO!! DON'T!!

Queenie: Uh, why?

Ganondorf: Because smoking is unhealthy!

Narrator: Little does he know about how unhealthy smoking can be . . . .

Queenie: *shrug* Back to beer. [throws away her joint and disappears]

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

Ganondorf: And now?

Rauru: Temple of Time time!!!

Ganondorf: -_ô

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

[later, back at the Temple of Time]

Rauru: Congratulations. You have completed the 7 tasks. Now you are a hero.

Ganondorf: Tell me something I don't know yet.

Rauru: Very well. There's another task.

Ganondorf: Aw, shoot!

Rauru: It's really dangerous and you're probably not going to survive!!

Ganondorf: . . . . . .

Rauru: Find the three Spiritual Stones!!

Ganondorf: Oh, you mean THOSE Spiritual Stones? [shows him the stones]

Rauru: WHA . . . . how did you-

Ganondorf: Aren't I special? ^_^

Rauru: *coughshowoffcough* Yeah, whatever.

Ganondorf: And now?

Rauru: You can finally continue your quest!

Ganondorf: Yay -_-

Rauru: But first-

Ganondorf: *sigh*

Rauru: BUT FIRST there are two important things I have to give you! Those nifty gifts, which I'm going to give you now - just like I said before but-

Ganondorf: Hurry up already!

Rauru: WHAT????

- THUNDER! LIGHTNING! -

Ganondorf: Take your time!

Rauru: Thanks. As I was trying to say; To complete your quest you will need to play a holy instrument. Without it you won't get very far. And therefore I am going to give you the Ocarina of Time! [DUN DUN DUUUUUUN DUN] Always take it with you, never lose it and-

Ganondorf: Rauru?

Rauru: Yes?

Ganondorf: I can't play the ocarina.

Rauru: Never mind, there are enough holy instruments! We'll find one for you. The Sheikahs used to play this; the ancient Harp of Time! [DUN DUN DUUUUUUUN DUN]

Ganondorf: o_o

Rauru: Ganondorf?

Ganondorf: Erm . . . .

Rauru: Okay, okay. I guess you can't play the harp either. Well, then you should use the powerful Flute of Time! [DUN DUN DUUUUUUUUN DUN]

Ganondorf: Uhm . . . .

Rauru: Heck, even I can play the flute!!! Ooooookay, let me think . . . .

[78 instruments later]

Rauru: A GUITAR!!! IT'S A SIMPLE GUITAR!!!

Ganondorf: Well, I'm sorry. But I never-

Rauru: Forget it. Look at the beautiful and amazing Banjo of Time! [DUN DUN DUUUUUUUUN DUN]

Ganondorf: Erm . . . . I don't like stringed instruments that much.

[123 instruments later]

Rauru: . . . . and the Harmonica of Time!!! [DUN DUN DUUUUUUUUN DUN]

Ganondorf: . . . .

[457 instruments later]

Rauru: . . . . with this beautiful Tambourine of Time! [DUN DUN DUUUUUUUUUUN DUN]

Ganondorf: I'm afraid that's-

Rauru: DO YOU PLAY ANY INSTRUMENT AT ALL????????

Ganondorf: Well, I . . . .

[later]

Ganondorf: HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO CARRY THAT THING?????

Rauru: Do I look like I care?

Ganondorf: But that's absolutely-

Rauru: Don't complain!!! It's not my fault that you can't play a single instrument except this one !!!

Ganondorf: Fine. Then I quit.

Rauru: You're a hero. Heroes can't quit!!

Ganondorf: I can!

Rauru: YOU CAN'T!!

Ganondorf: I CAN!! AND I WILL!!!

Rauru: [clears his throat] OH GODDESSES!! PUNISH THE ONE WHO DARES TO QUESTION MY SAGE AUTHORITY!!!

- THUNDER! LIGHTNING! SCREAM! -

Ganondorf: Jeez, cut the special effects. I'll play the bloody organ.

Rauru: Bloody Organ of Time [DUN DUN DUUUUUUUUUN DUN] that is.

Ganondorf: Yeah, whatever. (thinks) You'll pay for this . . . pay I say!! (says) PAY!!!

Rauru: Huh?

Ganondorf: (thinks) Whoops . . . . watch what you're thinking!! (says) I . . . I said . . . PLAY! Why don't we play a song on my beautiful organ?

Rauru: Sadly I'm not the one who's supposed to teach you your first song. And therefore it's just the right time to tell you about important thing number 2! Go and see

Ganondorf: Go and see . . . . go and see . . . . go and see who??

Rauru: o__o

Ganondorf: Rauru?

Rauru: o__o

Ganondorf: Heeeelloooohooo???

Rauru: o__o

Ganondorf: Food!

Rauru: o__o

Ganondorf: What's wrong with you??? Is this another stupid lesson??

Voice: MWAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!

Ganondorf: Uh, Queenie?

Voice: You wish!

Ganondorf: Well, actually-

Voice: RAURU IS MINE!!!

Ganondorf: That's absolutely fine with me. We were just friends, so-

Voice: NOT IN THAT WAY!!!!!

Ganondorf: Oh, but actually-

Voice: FOOLISH ONE YOU ARE!!! RAURU IS UNDER MY CONTROL AND YOU ARE GOING TO DIE!!!!!!

Ganondorf: *shrug* Whatever you say.

Voice: AAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!

Ganondorf: Erm . . . .

Rauru: o__o

Ganondorf: Mrs. Freaky Voice?

. . . . . . .

Ganondorf: Still here?

Rauru: [zombie-like] Must . . . . eat . . . . Ganondorf . . . .

Ganondorf: Ah, at least you're talking again. So who's the one I'm supposed to see?

Rauru: Must__eat__Ganondorf!

Ganondorf: Can we get on with this? Please??

Rauru: Must__eat__Ganondorf! *drool*

Ganondorf: Yeah, very funny.

Rauru: Must__eat__Ganondorf!

Ganondorf: STOP THAT!!

Rauru: Must__eat__Ganondorf! [slowly walks over to Ganondorf]

Ganondorf: That's . . . not . . . . good.

Rauru: Must__eat__Ganondorf!

Epona: WATCH OUT!!!!!!!

Ganondorf: Who . . . AAH!!!!

[Ganondorf jumps aside just in time to dodge Rauru's attempt to bite him]

Epona: RUN!!!!

Ganondorf: What an usable suggestion!! [runs away]

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[Hyrule Field, later]

Ganondorf: *cough* *pant* *pant*

Epona: Why did you run all the way back here? Didn't you see that Rauru gave up after 10 steps?

Ganondorf: Actually not, but thanks for telling me in time. -_-

Epona: You're welcome. ^^*

[Lickmaflaminlamabitch, who I'm going to call Lamabitch to save some space, appears]

Lamabitch: Yo Jack!

Epona: Yo Lama!

Ganondorf: Yo Lama!

Lamabitch: Yo Ganondorf . . . . . . . . . GANONDORF????????

Epona: Uh oh, here comes a major mental quirk.

Lamabitch: GAH!!! Why did I say that? Why did I say that? Why did I say that? Why did I say that? Why did I say that? Why did I . . . [jumps around in circles]

Ganondorf: Erm . . . .

Epona: You must excuse her. She's a bit out of her mind. Well, actually she just doesn't like your name . . . . and your appearance . . . . and your voice . . . . . and you in general.

Ganondorf: -_-*

Epona: And I'm Jack. The sexy party horse!

Ganondorf: Funny, you look just like Link's horse Epo-

Epona: DON'T DARE TO SAY THAT NAME!!! DON'T EVEN THINK IT!!!!

Ganondorf: (thinks) Epona. (says) Uh, okay.

Epona: I HEARD THAT!!!

Ganondorf: (thinks) Epona. (says) Heard what?

Epona: YOU DID IT AGAIN!!!!

Ganondorf: (thinks) Epona! Epona! Epona!! (says) What?

Epona: AAAAAAAARRRGS!!!!!

Lamabitch: Why did I say that? Why did I say that? Why did I say that? Why did I say that? Why did I . . . . . what was that again? Oh well, I'm fine. Hi Ganondorf!

Ganondorf: Erm . . . hi.

Lamabitch: GANONDORF????? WHY DID I SAY THAT?? Why did I say that? Why did I say that? Why did I say that? Why . . . .

Ganondorf: o__o*****************************

Epona: Anyway, I was searching for you!

Ganondorf: Why?

Epona: DON'T QUESTION MY AUTHORITY!!!!

Ganondorf: Erm . . . okay.

Epona: Good.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

Epona: I want to help you!

Ganondorf: Why?

Epona: DON'T QUESTION MY AUTHORITY!!!!

Ganondorf: Erm . . . okay.

Epona: Good.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

Epona: You're Link's enemy. And Link's enemies are my friends.

Ganondorf: But aren't you Link's trusty horse?

Epona: DON'T QUESTION MY AUTHORITY!!!!

Ganondorf: *sigh*

Epona: Goo- what??

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

Ganondorf: Who's the person controlling Rauru?

Epona: You're asking me? You're asking ME?? YOU'RE ASKING ME?????????

Ganondorf: YES, I DID!!!

Epona: Okay, good. Just wanted to make sure.

Ganondorf: Fine then.

. . . . . . . . . .

Epona: I have no clue.

Ganondorf: Her voice definitely sounded familiar to me.

Lamabitch: Why did I say that? Why did I say that? Why did I say that? Why did I . . . . I'm fine. Hi Ga-

Epona: SHUT UP!!!!!!

Lamabitch: Oh . . . yeah . . . . right.

Ganondorf: Unfortunately this ooks like a case for Queenie.

. . . . . . . . . .

Ganondorf: I said; "Looks like a case for QUEENIE!!!"

. . . . . . . . . .

Ganondorf: QUEENIE!!!

. . . . . . . . . .

Ganondorf: QUEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEENIIIIIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!

. . . . . . . . . .

Ganondorf: Heck, I thought she was omnipresent!!

Epona: There's only one thing we can do!

Ganondorf: And that's what exactly?

Epona: OFF TO AUTHOR VILLAGE!!!

Ganondorf: O_O

Lamabitch: YAHOO!!! Pack your bags Jacky-boy! Let's go, Ganondorf!

Epona+Ganondorf: -_-***

Lamabitch: GANONDORF??? WHY DID I SAY THAT?? WHY DID I SAY THAT? WHY DID I SAY THAT? WHY DID I SAY THAT??? WHY DID I . . . . [runs away]

Ganondorf: Erm . . . .

Epona: Just follow her!

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[later, nearby Author Village]

Epona: Aaahh, good ol' Death Mountain!

Ganondorf: Look! What's that?

[Is it a star? Is it a glowing moth? NO! IT'S- ]

Ravi: HEY GANONDORF!!!

Ganondorf: HEY????????????????????

Lamabitch: GANONDORF??????????????

Ganondorf+Lamabitch: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARR RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGS!!!!!!!!!!! [skyrocket]

Ravi: o_O

Epona: Don't they have so much in common?

Ganondorf+Lamabitch: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH!!!! [they land on the ground] I'm fine!!!

Epona: Just what I thought.

Ganondorf: Noodle?? Is it really you??

Ravi: SEVEN YEARS!!!! AND THAT'S THE FIRST THING I GET TO HEAR!!!!!

Ganondorf: I am really sorry, Ravi . . .

Ravi: ^_^

Ganondorf: . . . . oli.

Ravi: WHAT???

Ganondorf: Uh, never mind.

Ravi: Anyway, welcome to the beautiful city of authors and cuccos!

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[Author Village, finally]

Craig: DARLING! HONEY!!!

Ravi: SWEETHEART!!

Ganondorf: o_O?

Snake-Demon: CRAIG!! HEEL!!

Ganondorf: o_O??

Snake-Demon: Oh, hi Ganondorf. I'm the demon of snakes but you can call me snake-demon. And that's my the voice imitating, sound making and way too horny fairy Craig.

Craig: WOOHOO!!

Ganondorf: Erm, hi! (to Ravi) You're in a relationship???

Ravi: (whispers) Just a little affair . . . . but Ssssssh!!

Ganondorf: o_o*

Craig: Isn't she lovely, my little wife-to-be?

Snake-Demon: (to Craig) I thought that's just an affair?

Craig: (whispers) Yeah, sure. But she doesn't need to know, so . . . Ssssssh!!

Snake-Demon: -_-*

Ganondorf: Erm . . . .

Snake-Demon: Yeah . . . .

Ganondorf: Well . . . .

Snake-Demon: So . . . .

Ravi+Craig: We're off!! [they fly away]

Snake-Demon+Ganondorf: I wish I had never met that fairy.

- silence -

Snake-Demon: Anyway, what brings you here?

Ganondorf: Business.

Snake-Demon: Business, eh? Nudge, nudge, say no more!! (A.N.: Yeah, that's totally stolen)

Ganondorf: -_^

Snake-Demon: Business . . . ha, that's good. Business, I see. Business . . . with who?

Ganondorf: Queenie.

Snake-Demon: WOOOOOOT!

Ganondorf: HEY!! It's JUST business.

Snake-Demon: Okay, got ya. Well, gotta go then anyway. I still have some business to do . . . with my girlfriend. Hehe, nudge nudge, you know.

Ganondorf: -__-***

Snake-Demon: So . . . see ya! [walks away]

Ganondorf: [looks around]

. . . . . . . . . .

Ganondorf: [looks some more]

. . . . . . . . . .

TheOminousWriterofDoom: [passes by, surrounded by at least 10 of his female admirers]

Ganondorf: o_O

. . . . . . . . . .

Ganondorf: Great. Now how am I supposed to find Queenie?

EvilPigThingy: BOO!!!

Ganondorf: GAH!

EvilPigThingy: Did I scare you?? Did I scare you?? Did I scare you???

Ganondorf: ARE YOU CRAZY?????

EvilPigThingy: Sure, but that's beside the point.

Ganondorf: -_-***

EvilPigThingy: I heard a few things about you.

Ganondorf: Like what?

EvilPigThingy: Like . . . . things.

Ganondorf: -__-*

EvilPigThingy: And I know that you're looking for Queenie.

Ganondorf: Do you know where she is?

EvilPigThingy: I might, I might not.

Ganondorf: VERY helpful.

EvilPigThingy: I know. ^_^

Ganondorf: Where is she???

EvilPigThingy: She's right-

EvilGuy: EVIL PIG THINGY!!!

Ganondorf: WHAT??? HOW DARE YOU TO . . . oh, you're talking to him.

EvilGuy: Yeah, I'd say so.

Ganondorf: Your name is Evil Pig Thingy???

EvilPigThingy: Uh, yeah. Why?

Ganondorf: Just because . . . never mind.

EvilGuy: DON'T IGNORE ME, FOOLISH MORTALS!!!

Ganondorf: Jeez, calm down, Evil Guy!

EvilPigThingy: Your name is Evil Guy?

EvilGuy: Yeah. And your name . . . . it's Evil Pig Thingy?

EvilPigThingy: Yeah. Not only evil, not only a pig thingy but EVIL PIG THINGY!

EvilGuy: Cool! You know, not only evil, not only a guy but EVIL GUY!

EvilPigThingy: Cool! I guess that makes us both totally . . . .

EvilGuy+EvilPigThingy: EVIL!!!!

Ganondorf: -_^

- silence -

EvilGuy+EvilPigThingy: SWEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEET!!! [they disappear]

Ganondorf: Ahem . . . . ahem . . . . ahem . . . .

- long pause -

Ravi: Guess who's back? Back ag-

Eminem: -_-

Ravi: . . . dun dee doo dee doo, you know . . .

Ganondorf: Ravi! Finally!

Ravi: I'm loved!! I'm loved!! ^___^

Ganondorf: Now you're exaggerating.

Ravi: -_-

Ganondorf: Where's your date?

Ravi: Uh . . . . we dumped us.

Ganondorf: o_O

Ravi: Yeah, well . . . I dumped him but he dumped me at the same time, so . . . .

Ganondorf: Er, right.

Ravi: ^_^

Ganondorf: Anyway, where's Queenie?

Ravi: She's in MY castle.

Ganondorf: Your castle?? Since when do you have a castle???

Ravi: Noooo, not my castle. MY castle.

Ganondorf: Your castle?

Ravi: No, MY castle.

Ganondorf: Your castle??

Ravi: No, MY castle.

Ganondorf: Your castle??

Ravi: No, MY castle!

Ganondorf: Your castle??

Ravi: No, MY castle!!

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

[meanwhile at Zora's Domain]

TheZeldaMaster: I know that you're here!!!

- silence -

TheZeldaMaster: RUTO!!!!!

Ruto: [appears] Congratulations, you have found me. But Link . . . . IS MINE!!

TheZeldaMaster: He's not!! He's mine!!

Ruto: Mine!!

TheZeldaMaster: MINE!! And you'd better give him back!!

Ruto: NEVER!! MWAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

TheZeldaMaster: Okay, fish freak!! You wanted it that way!!

Ruto: Uuuuuuh, I'm scaaaaaaared!

TheZeldaMaster: YOU SHOULD BE!! [forms an energy ball that transforms into a sword]

Ruto: O__O

TheZeldaMaster: Still feeling cocky, seafood princess?

Ruto: That's . . . . that's . . . . .

TheZeldaMaster: The HOLY ANTI FISH FREAK BLADE!!! [ DUN DUN DUUUUUUUN]

Ruto: But . . . . how's that possible??? Or . . . . are you . . . . .

TheZeldaMaster: THE FANGIRL OF TIME!!! [DUN DUN DUUUUUUUUN DUN]

Ruto: *GASP*

TheZeldaMaster: Now tell me where you're hiding him and I might spare your pitiful life!!

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[quick look at Author Village]

Ravi: MY CASTLE GODDAMMIT!!!!

Ganondorf: YOUR CASTLE AS YOU JUST SAID!!!!!

Ravi: MY CASTLE NOT MY CASTLE!!!!!! HOW DIFFICULT IS THAT?????

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[back at Zora's Domain]

Ruto: Link is mine and I will fight for him!!!

TheZeldaMaster: And so will I!!! [draws her sword]

Ruto: RAAARGHHHH!!!!!! [transforms into a lobster-like creature]

TheZeldaMaster: So you want to play rough, RUZILLA?

Ruzila: RAAAAAAAAARRRGHHHHH!!!! I will kill you and then I will marry my Linky-Poo and then I will CONQUER THE WORLD!!!! AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!

TheZeldaMaster: It's my destiny to prevent this!! I CALL THE-

Ruzilla: YOU WOULDN'T DARE!!!

TheZeldaMaster: I CALL THE POWER OF THE SEVEN SAGE FANGIRLS!!!

Ruzilla: FOOLISH MORTAL BRAT!!!!! RAAAAAAAAAARRRRRGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!

TheZeldaMaster: YOU SHALL FREEZE TO DEATH TOGETHER WITH THIS UNHOLY PLACE!!!!!

Ruzilla: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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[back to Ganondorf and Ravi]

Ravi: MY CASTLE!!!!!! THE CASTLE OF MY FOR HEAVEN'S SAKE!!!!!!

Ganondorf: The castle of MY?

Ravi: MY . . . like Multiple Yodels.

Ganondorf: So why didn't you just say that in the first place?

Ravi: -_-***

Ganondorf: Anyway, what's the thing about this Castle of MY?

Ravi: It belongs to Queenie.

Ganondorf: Good news, finally!

Ravi: (thinks) Hehe, yeah sure. (says) It's on the top of Death Mountain. You can't miss it.

Ganondorf: Aren't you coming with me?

Ravi: (thinks) Am I suicidal? (says) Uh . . . erm . . . well, I've got business to do. [flies away]

Ganondorf: o_O

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Chapter 20 of The Troublesome Quest For Sanity was brought to you by

Billy Bob's Business Suits and

Queenie û