Final Fantasy - All Series Fan Fiction ❯ Insanity ❯ Reaction ( Chapter 4 )

This is a SeiferxZell yaoi and if you don't like it don't read it.

Disclaimer: I don't own them, but somebody does.

"…"talking

~…~thoughts

{…} memories

//…// dreams

Italics Zell's self-preservation

// On a cliff next to the ocean sits a boy, not so much a boy as a young man beginning in the road of life. One can feel that he has been through more misery than any being should have to, however now he's content listening to the seagulls and feeling the sun on his face. His blond hair and smooth complexion make him seem like a nymph, yet a striking black mark on the left side of his face cautions that he isn't defenseless. It doesn't blemish his beauty; the tattoo actually accentuates his features, creating a paradigm of innocence and experience of pain. On the bottom of the cliff a lighthouse can be seen, next to it is a broken down building no bigger than a house. He ignores these and looks out into the ocean watching Fastitocalons migrate to their mating grounds. He sighs feeling content, yet alone. Surrounded by nature's grandeur and unable to enjoy it fully, he wraps his arms around himself. Suddenly a set of strong arms hold him and pull him against a broad chest were he hears a soft heart beat. He didn't fight back or even look towards his would-be assailant, instead he breaths in the musky scent and closes his eyes to drift to sleep. The stranger holds him tighter and approaches his lips to the sleeping boy's ear and whispers: "You can't escape the inevitable." This forces the unsuspecting small blond to wake in fright and struggle to get out of his attackers grip, but it's too late as the stronger of the two digs his hand into the other's left shoulder, just as it happened before. "Don't cry. It only makes me want to fuck you harder."//

"NO!!!" Zell woke up in a cold sweat. He was still on the floor next to his bed. His body hurt from the position he held for hours. ~ What was that about anyway?…It's a nightmare, just like all the other ones…No it wasn't. You felt happy when he held you…Shut up…Don't go fag on me now…What did you call me…I didn't call you anything, look we have a good thing going on with this Mary girl…We met yesterday…So, who cares?...I do, you don't control my life. I made you, you're just a figment of my imagination…Come on. No need to get riled up...Shut up already.~

He stood up and stretched his body, wincing when he tried to stretch his left shoulder. "Must have been a muscle cramp." ~Sure, keep telling yourself that~ "Gods, I stink. What time is it?" He looked around his night table and saw the flashing green numbers showing 3:16 am. "Quistis must have been looking for me." ~Why do you keep talking out loud? Nobody can hear you.~ "Because I don't want to talk with you, so fuck off." He grabbed some of his clothes, a towel and some toiletries. "I'm sure everybody's asleep at this hour. I don't want to talk with anyone." He left his room and looked down the hallway. There was nobody to be seen, so it seemed safe. Walking towards the men's shower room he listened for any strange sounds, anything to warn him of another's presence.

He reached the door and walked inside. The lights were on 24/7, so he didn't need to worry about the dark. In the locker room, he started to take off his clothes, looking every one in awhile to his sides to make sure no one was there. ~Stop being so paranoid. Who in their right minds would take a shower at 3:30 in the morning?~ "I'm here, aren't I?. ~I said in their right minds.~ "Fuck off!" Zell slammed the locker door hard and headed for the showers.

He turned on the water scalding hot and started to scrub fiercely. It wasn't the sweat or the grat blood what he wanted to wash away, but the nightmare he just had. ~ Why was it different?...Oh, talking in your head again, I see… Leave me alone…Sorry, can't do that…Why did it feel nice at the beginning?...Don't confuse yourself…I can't help it. I liked being hugged…And then raped…NO…If you can't accept both, then don't accept one…~

Zell started a mental debate and didn't hear the door slide open and close. He stood in the water, all the soap washed away, with his eyes closed. The rushing water blocked out the shuffling of shoes and clothes in the other room. ~Why do I feel this way?... You're confused… I'm still scared shitless, when I saw Squall yesterday I nearly pissed on myself…Exactly. How can you possibly even tolerate someone who made you afraid of your best friend, much less feel anything but hatred for that person?... I don't want to feel this way?~

A shower head close to his left turned on, yet Zell was still oblivious to his surroundings. He continued to think ~Just remember what happened in that hallucination…You still won't accept it was real…Of course not, that bitch was fucking with your head…the pain was real…You had a full body exam and passed with flying colors…Doesn't mean anything…It does and you know it. Your legs were fine as well as your shoulder.~

Someone stood next to him and started to talk, but after several tries the stranger decided to shake the blond awake. ~My shoulder hurts all the time, even without proof…stop being a wimp and…~ A hand landed on his left shoulder and started to shake him. Pain shot down his arm and across his chest and he instinctively grabbed the hand with his right, twisted until he heard the wrist snap, then turned the owner of the mangled hand around and dislocated his shoulder and elbow.

"Aaarrgh, what are you doing?! I only wanted some shampoo. Aaaahhh let go of my arm, LET GO!" Zell let go and saw an Asian man grab his crippled hand on the floor.

~What did I do? What did I do?...Calm down, grab some shorts, take him to the doctor's office and they'll fix him right up…Oh gods! I fucked up his left arm…Don't worry about it. It can be fixed. Now get him out of here before he bleeds to death…I know him. He made SeeD with us and pilots the Garden…That's nice, but move your ass and help him…How could I do this?...Snap out of it and help him NOW!~

"Shit, I'm sorry. Are you ok?" Zell rushed to him and squatted in front of the pained man.

"Do I look okay? My arm is fucking backwards and bleeding out of the joints. What the hell do you think?!" The man snapped at Zell and saw a look of regret in the other's face. "Look, I'll be fine. I shouldn't have startled you like that. Just help me to the Infirmary."

"I'll get some shorts for you." Zell helped him up and sat him down on a bench. "I'll be right back." ~See, he doesn't hate you or anything…I thought he wanted to kill me…He scared you and you reacted like you were trained to do…I could have done a lot worse…But you didn't.~

He came back with the clothes and a couple of towels and saw that the man had his head down and was forming a pool of blood next to him. "Shit, hey, hey wake up."

"W-what? I nodded off, didn't I?" He grabbed his head and tried to stand up, but began to fall forward until Zell grabbed him. "I don't feel so good."

"Shit, we're leaving now." Zell made a tourniquet with several towels and hastily dressed the other to save him some embarrassment. "Lean on me, ok"

"You say shit a lot." He put his good arm around Zell's neck. "The Infirmary isn't far away, I'm sure we'll get there in time."

They both left the showers and tried to go as quickly as possible leaving a trail of blood behind them. "Maintenance is going to have a field day tomorrow."

"Yeah, they will. Keep talking to stay awake, um…uh." Zell couldn't remember the brunette's name. They didn't talk much and only saw each other on rare occasions.

"Nida, Niiiidddaaa. Don't worry; everybody forgets it all the time." Nida tried to smile, but the pain was still unbearable. "I'm sure you never go through that, being one of the heroes and all."

"Fame isn't all is cracked up to be." He felt bad for not remembering the pilot's name. It was more than rude or impolite to forget someone's name. It makes that person feel non-existent. "So, what were you doing out so late?"

"You actually care about my day." He looked at the martial artist to his right incredulously. "Well, I was in the virtual training center practicing how to use the Ragnarok. I lost track of time and came out a little after 2:00."

"That's all? What else did you do?" he implored in order to keep the other awake and also to get to know the pilot better.

"You really want to know, don't you? Well my day was boringly the same as any other. Woke up, had breakfast, teach a few wannabe pilots the basics, had lunch, gave maintenance to the Garden's cockpit, went to meet my girlfriend at 4:30, where she…" They had already passed the Quad, so the Infirmary was close by. Nida remained silent.

"Nida, hey Nida are you still with me?" Zell began to shake the bleeding man. "Come on, we're close. You're going to make it."

"I'm awake; it's just that my bitch of a girlfriend dumped me. I waited for half an hour and when she finally showed up, she said some crap about finding a better guy and how I didn't meet up to her standards anymore. I gave her everything she wanted and that's how she repaid me. I thought she understood me. That she actually cared whether or not I existed." Nida looked to his side and saw that Zell was paying attention to what he was saying. "Look, man. I'm sorry for dumping this on you."

"It's okay, if you need somebody to talk to you can come to me. It's that why you were in the virtual training center? To take your mind off things?" The blond warrior asked understanding the pilot's pain. He knew what it was like to be alone. Nida nodded and continued in silence. "So does the chimera have a name?"

This caused the Asian man to chuckle. "It doesn't matter. You probably don't even know her. She works in the library and kinds of fade into the background, like me." Nida looked up and saw the entrance to the Infirmary. "Looks like we made it. I wonder whether or not a doctor's in at this hour. It would be funny if there wasn't."

"Don't be so pessimistic." Zell was practically carrying Nida by this point, since the other could barely walk anymore. "Hey, is there anybody here?"

"What's the problem, Mr. Dincht?" Dr. Kadowaki left her office and walked into the hallway spotting both of the still-wet boys. "Oh dear, your arm has suffered severe trauma and you're going into shock from massive blood-loss." Her tone made her sound like a mother inspecting a scratched knee, but the look in her eyes was one of experience and seriousness. She was looking at the mangled appendage and then turned to Zell. "Take him inside and lay him inside room 3 with his legs in the air. I'll look for some type 0 blood for a transfusion and prepare for surgery." She turned around and hurried back inside.

"See, you're going to be just fine." Zell took him into room 3 and laid him down carefully, trying to avoid touching his arm. "She knows what she's doing."

The doctor entered the room soon after with a tray full of scalpels and other medical instruments, along with a hypodermic needle, several bags of blood and some antibiotics. She sat next to Nida. "You're lucky I've been spending my nights in the office filing medical records, Mr.…uh…I'm sorry but for the life of me I can't remember your last name." She cleaned an area around his shoulder and injected a local anesthetic.

"It's okay. It's practically a running joke around the Garden. Just call me Nida." Nida smiled but winced when she tried to move his arm. "FUCK, that hurts."

"The anesthetic will start working soon. I need to fix the bones before closing the wounds. Once that's done I can begin the transfusion." The older woman began to organize her tools calmly.

Zell was spacing back and forth behind her, looking over her shoulder to see how everything was going. "I would have used a hi-potion or something to stop the bleeding, but I didn't have any on me."

"I'm glad you didn't, Mr. Dincht." She was setting his bones back in place, since the anesthetic started to take effect. "A potion would have closed the wound, but his bones would be misaligned. It would have deformed the arm. I've seen several cases where femurs or ribs had fused into odd positions, leaving the patient with a painful and useless appendage." She had finished undoing the dislocation in the pilot's shoulder and was working on the elbow. "Those potions can't disinfect an contaminated wound, cure disease or mend bones correctly. Once the researchers manage to create a pill that can do that and make a miracle elixir to cure minds, I'm out of a job."

"Really? I didn't know that." Zell rubbed the back of his neck. "How come I didn't hear about it before?"

"It's just one of those important facts that nobody knows." The front of her garment was covered in blood, but it didn't faze her in the least. She had finished with the elbow and started on the wrist. "This will take some time."

"Will I be able to use my arm again?" Nida was looking to the side, away from his broken arm. "Because you know, as a pilot, I kind of need it." He didn't want either of the others to see his panic.

"You're in good hands, Mr. Nida. Don't worry, once I set your carpal bones in place, I'll use an X-potion. You'll be fine by morning." She smiled reassuringly at him. "There all done. Do you want to know how these potions work?" She poured the liquid over the open wounds.

"Sure, I guess."

"They speed up the mitochondria in your cells, thus creating more energy for self-healing. It's an absolutely fascinating field to study in. The phoenix downs are the strongest, since they practically use a jolt of electricity from a chemical reaction to revive the patient, as well as some curing." The wounds had finally closed so she inserted the hypodermic needle into his right arm and connected it to the blood bag. She covered him up with a blanket to prevent him from catching a cold. "There, you're as good as new, Mr. Nida."

"Thanks, but just call me Nida." He smiled at her grateful for the recovery of his arm and his livelihood.

The Asian woman stood up and walked towards the exit, but stop next to Zell. "I'm going to clean up. Don't worry about your friend, he'll be fine. Keep him awake until I come back to make sure his vitals are stable." She put her hand on his shoulder and gave it a squeeze. "Ms. Trepe came by earlier, she was worried about you. Later on I need to speak with you." She continued out of the door.

"So, uh um, how do you feel?" Zell sat next to Nida

"Like crap, I feel numb on my left side." The fellow SeeD tried to move but found he couldn't. His eyelids felt heavy and sleep seemed like a welcoming proposition.

"Man, I'm really sorry for messing you up like that. I was spacing out and you scared the shit out of me, so I sort of reacted." He wanted to apologize badly, but couldn't find the right words.

"Don't worry about it." He couldn't feel the pain anymore and Zell's voice started to sound far away. He spoke slowly and tried to concentrate on the conversation. "Today just wasn't my day, you know… It could have been worse. You could have snapped my neck, if you wanted, but you diiddnn't"

"Nida, NIDA, oh shit, oh shit, oh shit. DOC, get in here!!" He looked at Nida's corpse-like body and started to panic. "No, no, no, not happening, not happening."

"Mr. Dincht, what happened?" The doctor rushed in and saw Zell holding his head and pacing from one side of the room to the other. She approached the still body and searched for a pulse. "You can calm down now; he's just resting." She grabbed the grieving boy by his shoulders. "Don't worry, he's exhausted and fell asleep, that's all. Everything's fine"

"Really? You sure? He's okay?" Zell looked at her in search of any sign that she was lying for his sake. All he saw was worry.

"Yes, I'm sure" She wiped away a tear from his face. "Come into my office, so we can let him rest. We still need to have that talk."

Zell wiped his face with his forearm and noticed that he was only wearing some shorts and was still wet from the showers. "Can I have a towel?"

"Of course." She led him out of the operating room. "I've already called maintenance about the blood, so you don't have to worry about that."

"What's going to happen to me?" Zell felt insecure about the consequences of what had happened. "I mean, I'm the guy who did that. Things like that don't go unpunished."

"I doubt you have anything to worry about. It seems unintentional and Nida doesn't seem like the type of fellow that holds grudges" She reassured him. "Here's my office, pardon that it's a bit messy, but I've been busy."

Zell looked around her office. It was homely and the only mess he saw was some papers on the desk. After seeing how capable Dr. Kadowaki was a medical doctor, he felt he could trust her more. "Whatever I say is confidential, right?"

"Yes, it is."

"So you can't tell anyone what I say, right?" He looked at her with imploring eyes and she nodded closing the office's doors.

TBC

A/N:

Thank you for reading "Insanity". I hope you like it so far. Please review and tell me what you think.