Final Fantasy - All Series Fan Fiction ❯ MEOW! Kitti's FFVII Talk Show! ❯ Vincent! ( Chapter 2 )

[ T - Teen: Not suitable for readers under 13 ]
MEOW! Kitti's FFVII Talk show!

Kitti: *beams* I'm alive and I thought of a title!

Vincent: That's nice.

Kitti: *throws a pingpong ball at Vincent*HUSH! As you can see, the yummy guest for today is Vincent!

*the girls jump up from there seats screaming with joy*

Kitti: Now before we start, Vincent, do I own you?

Vincent: The answer is the same as, 'DO I have an ugly body, old, and ancinet, flabby belly?' So the answer is...." *looks at the audience*

Audience girls: NO WAY!

Kitti: SO all you lawyers trying to sue me, FORGET IT!

Lawyers: *gets up and leaves*

Vincent: THAT WAS HALF THE AUDIENCE!

Kitti: Ummm....yes. So anyway, *looks around* Who wants to ask a question to the Vincent dude?

*all the girls raise their hands*

Kitti: *points to a girl with a turned up nose, perfect hair, and teeth brighter than the sun. In other words, a snobby lady!* You...I guess..

Snob: Like, yeah, whatever, and your outfit is so totally a month ago!

Kitti: *pouts*

Snob: Anyway, so vincent, baby, do you like think that you can like go out with cute me because I AM the best looking here. Everyone else doesn't dress as classy as me. And then can you tell me if I got anything in my teeth.

Vincent: Look, I'm a depressed dark soul, sleeping in a coffin, nightmares surrounding me, and I can shoot anyone in a blink of the eye with supreme accuracy. I don't need a perfect princess.

Snob: But I like your abs!

Vincent: YOU AND EVERYONE ELSE HERE!

Snob: Well...can you at least check my teeth?

Vincent: WHATEVER!

Snob: *smiles reaaaaaaallll wide*

Vincent: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH! MY EYES! *on the ground having seizures* THE PAIN!!!! THE ENDURING SUFFERING!!!! SOMEONE HELP MY POOR INNOCENT EYES!

Kitti: EEK! MEDIC! We'll be right back after this commercial.

Commercial

*aeris pops up onto the screen* Ever been stabbed from behind while praying for Holy to help your dying planet? Well take Gainsborough's Stab A Way. It'll protect you from getting stabbed!

*sephiroth walks up towards her and aims a gun at her head* Ok, so you can't be stabbed...

Aeris: EEP!

End commercial

Kitti: That was....scary. Must remember to ask him to come for an interview. Ok, you, girl with very annoying giggle and very very fat. YOU ASK QUESTION!

Annoying fat girl: Heeheehawheehaw! Ahem! I mean Heeheehee! So uh what do you think of goin out? Heeheehawhawhee....*AHEM*...heeheehee. Yeah, just for a photo shoot...

Vincent: Err....

*suddenly Vivi comes through the audience and tackles the Fat girl*

Eiko: *Walks up to kitti and whispers something*

Kitti *GASP* BRAHNE?! GET ALL THE FF CREW AND ATTACK!!!!!!!!!! *ignoring the mindless explosion ripping through the set* Anyway, err....you, guy with red hair and sunglasses and yeah, you ask question.

Red haired dude: IS IT TRUE THAT YOU HAVE UNRESISTABLE ABS THAT NO WOMEN CAN RESIST?!

Vincent: Doy.

Red haired Dude: WELL, YOU GOT COMPETITION! *takes off his shirt and it turns out to be Heideggar in a dress! Wait, no, It was actually Reno with no shirt! Yay!*

Vincent: Oh yeah? *takes off his shirt but doesn't take the cape off, and he didn't rip his shirt off...I wonder how he did that. And it turns out to be....Palmer dancing with a monkey!*

Reno: *throws a phone at her head*

Author: OW! OK OK, It was Vincent! HAPPY?!

*all girls in the audience faint...except Yuffie*

Yuffie: WHOO HOO! *grabs ropes and ties up Vincent and Reno while they were fighting* I got me some dates for Saturday! Heeheehee!

Kitti: Well, that was the end of our show! It was interesting this time! *a misisle barely whizzes through her head, while she continues grinning this whole time* Anyway, I must take my possessions and leave before I die because Vincent and Reno will kill me anyway!

Squall: All right men and women!

Eiko & Vivi: AHEM

Squall: and girls and boys! We must attack the PIG!

Brahne: HEY!

Cloud: SHE'S STILL ALIVE?! ALRIGHT, CHERRY BOMBS ATTACK!!!!!!

Rufus: Strawberry soldier's attack now!

Kitti: Good bye, and I'll be back after my sanity comes back! Alright, good bye! And my next guest will be...I don't know! I'll find somebody! Maybe a girl this time! Kitti signing off *missile flies towards a camera* and where is my D**N MONE--?

*static*