[ X - Adult: No readers under 18. Contains Graphic Adult Themes/Extreme violence. ]

//Star-Light: Chapter 25//

//By Julie
//rated NC-17 for explicit sexual scenes
//yaoi content. Male/male having sex, getting each other off
//Parings: Squall/Seifer then Squall/Zell

//Disclaimer: Don't own them. But I wish I did - as do most normal people. But ONE DAY! they will be mine. Oh yes, they WILL be mine!!!

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-Same day-

Zell's bright sapphire eyes were open in the dark hotel room. He lay on the bed next to Squall, his hand on the Super Star's chest, watching the brunette breathe.

Glancing over to the digital clock sitting beside the king-sized bed, Zell sees the time. 1:00am exactly.

He should really go to sleep, but he couldn't. He was tired, and the night was peaceful, and he honestly was completely content laying with Squall. But he wanted to watch Squall. Wanted to touch him, hold him, be with him. To remember every moment with Squall. Because Zell would have to leave Sunday.

Sunday. It was too close already. Zell wished he could freeze time, to relive these next few days with Squall over and over.

It was dark, but Zell's eyes had adjusted some-what. So he could see a few details of Squall's face in the darkness.

Zell traced a light finger over Squall's jaw-line, looking at the brunette's dry lips. Leaning down, Zell closed his sapphire swirling eyes and kissed the side of Squall's mouth.

Squall moaned softly in his sleep, his body cuddling closer to Zell's.

Zell smiled, laying his head on Squall's shoulder, closing his eyes. He listened to Squall's breathing, his fingers tracing over Squall's chest, until the Super Star's breathing changed.

"Baby?" Zell whispered, moving his head to look at Squall's face.

"You're awake," Squall stated in his normal, meek voice.

Zell smiled at him in the dark. "Yeah. Didn't wanna fall asleep."

Squall moved his hand to touch Zell's cheek. "Something wrong, bishounen?" he said in a caring voice.

Zell shook his head. "Just enjoyin' this moment in my life."

Squall moved his second arm up to pull Zell down into a hug. Zell snuggled on Squall's chest, his hot breath beating against Squall's neck.

Tracing a finger over Zell's tattoo, Squall closes his eyes, relaxing into the warmth that was Zell.

Zell gently caught Squall's hand, kissing the finger.

Squall turned his head, moving to kiss Zell's lips.

Their lips meet together, softly, in slow motions. Zell ran his tongue lightly over Squall's lips but pulled back, opening his eyes to frown down at Squall.

Squall's cloudy spheres opened to look up at Zell. "Bishounen?"

"Eh... that... kiss with your dad," Zell said softly.

Squall let silence fill the room. Yes, that kiss. Inappropriate, and right in front of Zell. What exactly had Squall been thinking? Nothing.

Shit. How the hell was he going to explain this to Zell?

"You rather I not ask, baby?" Zell said, his expression lit with concern.

Squall breathed deeply. "I-I'm just... very close with my father... It has to do with my mother... She died when I was younger..."

"Baby, I'm sorry," Zell replied, moving to lay down again, wanting to drop the subject. It wasn't his place to nosy into Squall's past, even if he wanted to know. Which he did.

Squall ran his fingers lightly through Zell's hair.

"...I don't remember too much about her," Squall continued, honestly wanting to share a little. He felt he needed to explain himself to Zell. Although Squall didn't know why he felt Zell deserved to know. "I... I know I felt... very... um..."

It was difficult. Squall didn't talk very much in the first place. And he'd never talked about this with anyone. Not even Seifer knew.

"It hurt when she died," Squall forced his words to work with his tongue. "I was heartbroken. I don't remember much now. Except her face," Squall closed his eyes, his eyebrows pinching together, cheeks rising in a cringed-expression. "Her face and her perfume. ... And I remember feeling loved."

Zell pushed up from Squall, moving to lay next to Squall, giving himself a better view of the Super Star's face.

"...I..." Squall sighed. His face was blank, eyes dry, lips moist. "I felt abandoned when she died. ... Weird to feel that way, but... its just... I was... alone." Squall closed his eyes.

Zell touched Squall's face lightly. "I'm sorry, baby."

Squall opened his cloudy eyes.

"You ain't alone. I'm here," Zell whispered, his fingers lightly dancing over Squall's cheek.

Squall blinked his stormy eyes, seeing Zell's face, seemingly glowing in the darkness. A description of saying Zell looked near to an angel was fairly accurate. And, Hyne above, Zell was truly the most beautiful creature Squall had ever laid his eyes on.

A smile twitched at the side of Squall's mouth.

Zell smiled happily down at him. "You're so cute," Zell said, tracing a finger over Squall's lips.

"Thank you, bishounen," Squall replied softly.

Zell leaned down and brushed his lips lightly over Squall's then pulled back to let his sapphire eyes burn into Squall's cloudy spheres.

Zell half smiled a cute, little grin, his eyes sparkling.

Squall smiled his normal meek grin back, then let his fad. He turned to the bed-stand, moving his cigarette-case and lighter, finding the small velvet box with the tear-drop locket.

Flipping on the lamp, Squall blinked quickly, his eyes slowly adjusting to the bright light.

Zell moved to snuggle close to Squall, looking at the box.

Squall opened his, pulling out the tear-drop locket. It was plain, but so beautiful in its simplicity. And the small chain looked as though a light tug could break it.

Squall opened the locket, revealing a picture of his beautiful mother holding a baby in her hands. Raine was like the locket. Simple and plain, but beautiful in her soft features.

"She's pretty," Zell stated.

Squall smiled down at the locket, at his mother's picture. "... I... " The smile left Squall's face. Hyne! I hate emotions! I hate feeling again! This is why I was indifferent! This is why I didn't want to deal with emotions and caring. ... I hate being alone. ...

Squall shut the locket, then moved it back to the bed-stand.

"Baby?" Zell asked.

Squall flipped the lamp off, turning the room black.

"... I'm tired, Zell. Can we just sleep?" Squall asked, moving down to lay under the covers.

"Course, baby," the blonde replied as he shifted his body to lay down completely.

Squall lost the battle with his emotion. He wanted to try and put up a few blocks of his icy-shell back up, but knowing Zell was so close, Squall couldn't deny himself. He reached over and pulled Zell as tight to him as possible.

The icy-shell melted slightly from the warmth of Zell's body.

Zell moaned a quiet, content noise, wrapping his arms around Squall's waist.

It wasn't right. After all the years of being able to lock people out, in three weeks Zell had reduced Squall to actually liking, caring, and wanting.

Indifference had been a sort of comforting blanket around Squall's heart. A thick layer of total emotional barrenness blocking out the world and keeping Squall's heart entirely void of caring. It kept him safe from the pain, the hurt, the loneliness. It sheltered him from the rejection, abandonment, and loss.

It blocked out caring and hoping. And it protected Squall's heart from disappointment.

Indifference was a large safety net around Squall. And he'd lived this way for so long that he was afraid of what would happen to him if he lost it.

What was happening to him, because Zell was easily, and all to eagerly, breaking away the safe, icy shell that Squall had worked so hard to build. Zell melted it down, exposing Squall's heart to the harsh raw of emotion.

And it burned Squall's heart like bright light burned someone's eyes after being in a pitch black room for too long.

But Squall, laying here in complete contentment next to Zell, wasn't honestly sure if he liked what Zell was doing to him.

Yet, even with the fear of it all, Squall couldn't help holding Zell as close as possible.

He couldn't help enjoying these newly uncovered and long forgotten emotions. Caring, longing, wanting were some of the best feelings Squall had ever experienced.

Squall remembered the last time he felt like this as though it were a vague dream.

Raine. His mother.

Squall could hardly remember her. But he did know that when she'd been alive, he'd never been happier. Couldn't have been happier because life was perfect.

Then she died. And it hurt so much then. The pain was so unbearable that it caused Squall to lay the first block of the icy foundation he now was now immersed in called indifference.

Why the strange relationship with his father then?

That was a more complicated issue, really.

Pain brings people together, closer. And when mixed with love, a broken heart mends itself in bizarre ways.

Squall's father, and the strange bond they shared, was another reason Squall let indifference control him. It was one hell of a thing to realize at the age of 12, realizing that you find your father sexually attractive. Obviously Squall would never ever, never, peruse something with Laguna. It was just wrong.

But Laguna was a great father. He'd been wonderful in trying to help Squall get through his mother's death. And through the years they'd gotten close. But as mentioned before, it was a strange, complicated relationship that cannot be easily explained.

Except Zell was probably more difficult to explain. After all, the tattooed blondie had broken through Squall's thick iced shell with complete ease. In three weeks, Zell had Squall's emotions in a chaotical-state.

Squall was walking along the ledge of indifference vs. emotion. And, he wasn't all too far from dropping in a free-for-all off the edge, giving into Zell.

Squall would never recover to a smiling, bouncing, happy boy. That was plain, and it would be stupid to think otherwise. Squall was stoic. And, even though he'd loosen up slightly, Squall would probably be like this for the rest of his life.

Few things truly, honestly gave Squall enjoyment. Zell, sex with Zell, singing, and alcohol. In that order.

It was scary that Zell had become the center of Squall's happiness. Because, all to easily, Zell could be ripped from Squall's side. And in the process, ripping Squall's heart out.

The sapphire eyes that belonged to Zell Dincht had burned their way into Squall's soul. The strange glowing that sparkled out from them, directing light into Squall's gloomy world, had allowed them to dig their claws into the brunette Super Star's heart.

And through the new puncture in Squall's heart, emotion was slowly seeping, filling the void emptiness.

Because of Zell.

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