Final Fantasy - All Series Fan Fiction ❯ Unrequited Desires ❯ Nibelheim Part 1 ( Chapter 17 )

 

 

Unrequited Desires

 

 

Chapter 17 Nibelheim Part 1

 

 

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“So tell me Strife, what the hell makes you so fuckin special?” Blue eyes narrowed to slits as he tried to get over the overwhelming sense to throw up. They had left what felt like a lifetime ago, but had probably only been a few hours, for Nibelheim, and now he was regretting ever agreeing to come on this trip. No personal gain in his career would ever be worth this hell.

 

It wasn't bad enough that he had probably the worst motion sickness of his life, but he also had the unfortunate experience of being in the same transport as both Sephiroth and Zack the very day after he had kissed the latter of the two at the Gold Saucer and been dumped by the former. He had never seen someone give such a hateful gaze as Sephiroth had given him while boarding, and he knew for sure that he would never see in kindness reflected in those eyes ever again.

 

As if having Sephiroth glaring at him wasn't enough, he also had Caden in the van with him. The feisty brunette happened to be the one that had asked the hateful question, and he was still trying to figure out the best way to answer it. Glaring at the boy, and biting back the bile that was rising up in his throat, he said the first thing that came to his mind.

 

“I…I dunno.” He tried to get out as steadily as possible. “I guess I'm just prettier than you.” He smirked at his own joke before laying his head in-between his knees and hoping that this feeling would leave him soon. If it didn't he was sure that he would die.

 

Sephiroth was sitting on one far side of the van, and Zack was sitting on the way other side, leaving him alone in the middle with this prick. The bastard kept hissing comments like that the entire time, and if he had the strength in him he would have already slugged him. Sadly he could barely lift his head by this point…motion sickness really was a bitch.

 

He could understand why Sephiroth was shunning him, but couldn't Zack help him out just a little in his time of need? After all he was the one that had caused all of this chaos, and so one would think that he might be just a little inclined to try to fix it. The truck hit a bump in the road, and the blond's stomach did about ten flip-flops before he really thought he was going to puke.

 

This day was not going good, and not only was it not going good…it was going very very bad. It was going so bad in fact that he found he really couldn't hold his insides inside anymore. With a gag he ran over to the trashcan up against the exit and proceeded to puke his guts out for what felt like five minutes straight. His chest ached and his throat burned as his poor diet of stale toast and a runny egg from this morning came back up. He only wished that the nausea would have ended there, but it came back ten fold and he knew it wouldn't be too long before he was at the trashcan again.

 

Forget Nibelheim, he wasn't even sure he was going to survive the ride there. He sneered while still bent over…Great addition to the army he was. He couldn't even ride in a truck without getting motion sickness so bad he wanted to die. He didn't even want to imagine what it would be like in a boat or plane.

 

“Cadet Strife do try to control yourself. This trip is miserable enough already without the entire area spelling of your vomit.” Narrowed blue eyes looked up at the General. He'd be mad at the man; really he would, if he didn't deserve all that scorn and more.

 

So instead of yelling, he just gave a small bow and wobbled back to his seat, muttering after himself. “Yes sir.” You know he adored him to death, but Sephiroth could just be down right cruel when he wanted to be.

 

“Cadet Matthews.” Both Caden's and Cloud's heads snapped up at the address made by Zack. “Why don't you go check up front and see what are ETA is.”

 

Giving a nod, the brunette hopped up excitedly to fulfill his senior officers request. He probably wouldn't have been near that cheery if he knew the full extent of their relationship. But then again Zack hadn't exactly been subtle about the two of them, and if he knew about Sephiroth then chances were that he probably knew about them as well.

 

As soon as the unwanted guest was gone, Zack immediately was by his side. “Spike you just gotta relax. If you calm down the motion sickness will get better.” He seriously doubted that, but he gave a nod nonetheless. He really appreciated what he was trying to do…unlike another person in the truck who seemed to need to be counterproductive.

 

“Stop coddling him Zack. Why don't you just tell him how it is…He'll never pass the SOLDIER exam with such a pathetic condition.” He winced. Yeah, that was helping him to relax.

 

He sighed in content as Zack's palm rubbed comforting circles on his back, and he did his best to ignore the eyes burning holes into his face as he practically moaned at the small bit of relief. Knowing no shame, he turned his head to the side and laid it on his ex-lover's shoulder. He knew it would have consequences, but he was way too sick at this point to really care.

 

As Zack pulled him closer he couldn't stop the smile from gracing his face as the comfort seemed to make some of the spinning begin to stop. Seemingly of their own accord, Cloud's arms snaked out to wrap around that warm waist he had fallen asleep wrapped around so many times before. Though he would have to say that it definitely wasn't the smartest thing he had ever done, because such an act caused a chain of events that left him with one massive headache and lesion right above his eyebrow.

 

“I can barely stand the sight of the both of you, yet I have to put up with it for this mission.” Sephiroth's steely voice cut through the haze. “But I will be damned if I have to watch you hang of each other in front of me.” As he said that he gave a yank to Cloud's arm, pulling him out of that warm embrace.

 

The sudden lurch in his equilibrium sent Cloud's stomach turning, and just as Sephiroth was about to toss him against the far side of the truck he found he couldn't hold it anymore. Knowing that he was dead for even doing such a thing, the bile that he couldn't hold back anymore rose up his throat and ending up spewing all over the front side of Sephiroth's armor.

 

“Oh shit!” He let out, after examining the mess he had made. He covered his mouth in horror as he saw the fiery anger burning in the man's eyes after just being puked on. What the hell was wrong with him? Not only was he acting like a total whore in front of him, right after they had just broken up, but he actually vomited on the man. “Seph I'm sorry…God I'm so sorry.”

 

Out of the corner of his eye he saw how Caden had rushed back to the hull of the truck to see what the commotion had been, and that Zack was now standing up in alarm behind him. Apparently he wasn't the only one that thought he was going to die over this.

 

Sephiroth's cold fury seemed to burn everyone in the truck, and everyone held their breath to see what his reaction would be. Cloud was already prepared for the worst, and knew that they would be handing his mother his dog tags before the day was up. “Your motion sickness does seem to be quite a problem.” His voice was cold as ice as he murmured this as professionally as possible. In truth the calm voice he was using scared Cloud more than anything. A calculating Sephiroth could be immensely more terrifying than an angered one. His theory was only confirmed by what came next. “Thankfully I know that perfect solution to make it so that we don't have anymore of these accidents.” He sneered, and Cloud prepared himself for the worst, but nothing could prepare him for what came next.

 

Whipping out the masamune in what seemed like the speed of light, Sephiroth flipped the sword around and brought it into a swinging position. Cloud shut his eyes in terror at the thought of these being his final moments, and steeled himself for the slash that would end his life…it never came. Instead Sephiroth twirled the sword around right before the impact so that he just whipped him as hard as he could in the face with the hilt of the sword. The blunt of the attack sent Cloud to the ground, and right before losing consciousness he thought he heard Sephiroth telling the others. “See…problem solved.” And then everything went black.

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Reno winced at the sudden pounding noise that seemed to be coming from directly inside of his head. Didn't people know the rules of `Do Not Disturb' signs? He was pretty sure that when you put one outside your hotel room door, like he so carefully had, that people were supposed to get the impression that you did in fact not want to be disturbed. If it was that noisy whore of made that kept telling him to keep it down last night he would not hesitate in skewering the bitch with the first sharp object that caught his eye.

 

A groan was heard from beside him, reminding him that he had in fact not partied alone the night before. Okay, well maybe partied wasn't the best word for what he had done last night. A better explanation would be drowning out his sorrows with lots and lots of dope, booze, and sex. The person who had helped with the sex part was the man currently elbowing him in the ribs.

 

“Turk…” He mumbled sleepily. “Go shoot whoever the hell is on the other side of that door, and then come back to bed…I feel like a quickie.” Reno gave a small smirk as he shook his head at Rufus. You just had to admire how alike they think…it was almost scary how similar they were.

 

Uncovering the blond that was buried in pillows, Reno's lips soon found the place on the back of his neck that he knew drove the President crazy. A jolt of pleasure went through him at the way Rufus involuntarily shivered at the small comment, and he couldn't help but lean in close to his ear. “I have a better idea.” He whispered seductively into his ear. “How about we skip straight to the quickie and skip the door altogether?”

 

The warm body underneath him began to stir, and he turned around so that he was lying on his back with the redhead on top of him. As soon as Rufus had changed their positions he took no time at all in pulling the Turk's mouth to his own, devouring it like he had so many times last night when all Reno had wanted to do was forget about his troubles in the form of a ill-tempered spiky haired brat.

 

What got him the most was the fact that he had just slept with Rufus to try to distract himself from the fact that the person he was in love with was magically getting all his memories back and he could no longer hide behind the façade of them being enemies, but now…now he wasn't so sure if it was just casual sex. A deep warmth spread through him as the new president's tongue flooded into his mouth, twining with his own and giving him that dizzy feeling he had only felt one time ever…and that was with Cloud. Could it possibly be that he was falling for the cracked out punk?

 

When they finally pulled away Reno was slightly panting from atop him, and yet that insistent banging had yet to cease. He groaned, how could this possibly be happening? Not only was he in the middle of having of good time, but he had probably the biggest hangover in the world and the constant hammering on the cheep hotel room door was making his head feel like someone had cracked it open with a frying pan…This was so unfair.

 

Letting out a barrage of curses, Reno finally gave in and rolled his body off the itchy mattress of the hotel, if you could call it that, at Corel. Bending over the redhead grabbed at his pair of boxers and slipped them on before angrily ripping open the door. He was fully prepared to give whoever the hell was on the other side a piece of his mind in the form of an ass kicking…that is until he saw what was so important.

 

“Holy shit.” Was all he could manage to utter after swinging open the door to reveal a disheveled and bloody Zack carrying an unconscious Cloud. The blond's face was stark white, and the only inclination Reno had to even think that he wasn't dead was the fact that Zack hadn't completely lost it yet. Though by that wild look in the ex-SOLDIER's eye he knew that it was only a matter of time before that happened. Speaking of what happened… “What the fuck happened to you guys?”

 

Hadn't they just gone out on a date to the Gold Saucer? Now he wasn't exactly sure what they did there, but normally when you go to an amusement park you don't come back bloody and almost dead. Then again Cloud did always seem to have the kind of bad luck that would change such an innocent trip into something so horrific. If he didn't know any better he would have sworn the spiky brat broke like a hundred mirrors as a child.

 

Zack's eyes were wide as saucers, and Reno could see him trembling where his arms were wrapped around the blond. “He won't…” He tried to get out, but his voice caught and he ended up just clutching him harder.

 

Reno turned shocked eyes to Rufus, who now looked wide awake and was pulling on his pants. The President looked just as worried as he was. Not knowing what else to do, the redhead moved aside and motioned for them to enter. “Well come inside.”

 

The ex-SOLDIER wasted no time in rushing towards the bed and laying Cloud upon it, doing well to never leave the blond's side the entire time. His eyes were still wide and fearful as he stroked his spikes that were coated in a cold sweat. “He won't wake up…ever since he saw that I can't get him to wake up.”

 

Now he had already been worried, but Zack's lost voice and gaze was only furthering his anxiety. His heart was beating at a million miles an hour as he had to stand there and look at Cloud lying lifelessly on the bed. “Zack what did he see?” He stressed, and then losing his patience he snapped at the practically catatonic soldier. “Tell me what happened!”

 

Turning blazing golden eyes on him, Zack snapped back just as heatedly. “Sephiroth fucking happened!” Reno's retort immediately became caught on his tongue and his mind went blank on just what implications he was making.

 

“You saw Sephiroth?” The redhead's gaze shot over to Rufus who seemed to be the only semi-calm one in the group. Though that wasn't all that surprising seeing as how he didn't really have a past relationship with the boy lying practically dead on the bed. As a matter of fact Rufus had mentioned on more than one occasion about how didn't even like Cloud.

 

Zack also turned to the blond, giving him an accusing gaze before answering his question. “No, but he was there. He killed a lot of people, and when Cloud saw it he collapsed and I can't wake him up.”

 

Leaning down, Zack placed a soft kiss on Cloud's forehead before pulling away. He grabbed the sword he had discarded at the entrance to the room and immediately headed to the door.

 

Of course such a chain of events left Reno questioning quite a few things, but mostly… “Where the fuck are you going?”

 

Without even giving him a glance back Zack said over his shoulder, “To kill Sephiroth.” And then he was gone.

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Cloud awoke to a shooting pain traveling through his head. Cold metal was pressed against his face, giving him the inclination that he was laying on the floor of the truck. Groaning, he reached up to his source of the pain to find a rather large lesion right above his eyebrow. That was of course when he remembered just why he had had such a lesion, and his groan only increased in volume. Sephiroth had whipped him with the hilt of his sword…Sephiroth had whipped him right after Cloud had had the misfortune of puking all over the cranky General. He really hated this trip. He hadn't even been on it all that long and so far it had brought nothing but misfortune.

 

Trying to push himself up into a sitting position, the blond braved a peak at his surroundings and found that they had stopped. He also noticed that everyone was gone. “Shit!” He exclaimed, hurriedly grabbing his standard issued M16 and rushing down the ramp. He could see his three companions walking towards the entrance to Nibelheim, and that was when a scary as hell thought occurred to him.

 

He would be going to Nibelheim. He would be going back to his hometown where he had been ridiculed and teased. He would go back there as a failure. He hadn't become a SOLDIER…He hadn't done anything except screw up every opportunity presented to him….and then there was her. Tifa, the girl he had been convinced he was in love with for as long as he could remember. She would see him, and she would no that he hadn't fulfilled that promise they had made so long ago. He promised that he would become just like the great Sephiroth so that if she ever were in trouble he would be there to help her out.

 

What a laugh. Him be like Sephiroth? The thought was just ridiculous. No, he couldn't be like Sephiroth, all he could do was screw things up. He couldn't protect Tifa. He couldn't even protect himself. Sighing in resignation, Cloud forced the helmet that went with his uniform over his head, effectively covering his blond spikes and face…making sure that no one would recognize him.

 

Sprinting as fast as his overly heavy armor would allow, Cloud managed to catch up to the trio just outside the entrance to the town. As soon as he was even close he could feel the tension emitting from them like waves. Okay, well nothing was emitting from Caden, because honestly Cloud didn't know if there was a personality in there to emit anything, but the other two…they were definitely spewing something.

 

Zack, who generally was probably one of the nicest people he had ever met, kept glaring at Sephiroth, and he was too far away to hear what was being said, but they kept hissing things under their breath. Blushing slightly, Cloud could only imagine that he was the topic of this heated conversation.

 

He sighed. It wasn't bad enough that he had completely ruined his relationship between both Sephiroth and Zack, but he had also managed to butcher their relationship between each other. That was one thing he regretted more than anything. He had always admired Zack for being able to get so close to Sephiroth, because honestly it was a hard thing to do. Sephiroth was probably the hardest person to get close to that he had ever met, and yet Zack's sunshiny attitude had somehow managed to pierce that cold exterior that Sephiroth called a heart. Now though, now the callous man had no one. Cloud had managed to ruin two of the few relationships the General had managed to create…so in essence he was a terrible person.

 

Cloud was so busy in his ramblings that he didn't notice the large rock in his running path, and such an oversight proved to be very troublesome, because not only did he not notice, but he also managed to trip on it and go tumbling towards the ground.

 

He ate dirt, and for the second time that day slammed his head rather painfully. His head already felt like someone had whisked his brains, but now it felt as if someone had smashed it in with a hammer. Letting a whine escape his throat as he struggled to his feet, he couldn't help but overhear the snide comment Sephiroth made on his behalf.

 

“You see that Zack, it doesn't matter if I hit him. He manages to hurt himself just fine anyways.” Ignoring the comment, Zack walked over and dusted the blond off.

 

“Don't mind him Spike, he's just a little sex starved bully. Now let's see that head of yours.” Zack reached for his helmet, but at the same moment he saw a girl in a short brown skirt and a cowboy hat walking this way…a very familiar looking girl.

 

Panicking, Cloud slapped his hand away. “No!” He exclaimed, and then knowing that he had to explain himself he hissed rather hurriedly before Tifa got even closer. “Don't say my name…act like you don't know me!” He turned pleading eyes on Zack and knew that he would probably be the only one who would understand his plight. Well Reno might, but he wasn't here at the moment and so he was going to have to settle for Zack. “They can't know I'm back here Zack…Please they can't know!” He pleaded pathetically, and saw how Sephiroth's gaze was on him as well. He no doubt had heard the entire conversation.

 

Oh this was just great! As if Sephiroth wasn't making his life hell enough, but with this kind of information he would probably announce his presence over the loud speaker in the middle of the square…He was doomed! In his fear he turned towards the silver haired man, and visibly winced when he wouldn't even meet his eyes. Though he wasn't sneering like before, and so Cloud took that as a sign that maybe he wasn't completely dead yet. He wasn't entirely sure it was possible, but he hoped that Sephiroth would show him some sympathy.

 

Without looking his way, Sephiroth took up his position as leader and started dictating orders. “As distraught as we all might be at the cadet here's problems. We do need to get this mission over and done with.” Sephiroth's green eyes met his. “Or would you prefer this town to be slaughtered by the monsters from the reactor.” He was cold, there was no doubt about that, but Cloud noticed something when he talked. Even though he wasn't in the least bit nice to him he had deferred from using his name. It could just be a coincidence, because Sephiroth did often refer to him as cadet, but then again…could he be protecting him?

 

Still rather confused, Cloud gave a nod, and the four of them headed past the gates he hadn't past for quite a few years now. His eyes immediately took in the scenery and found that in the time he had been gone it hadn't changed one bit. The stray dog that was always hanging around the well in the middle of the square was even still there. It was like he had gone back in time to his childhood, and he could almost feel the sense of hurt and rejection that had plagued him all the years of his childhood. He closed his eyes as memories that had been long forgotten flooded his senses, and for about the millionth time he asked himself…why had he come here?

 

Cloud braced himself as Tifa got closer and closer. How could he face her? She was smiling as she caught sight of them. Had she seen him? Had she recognized him even with the helmet on? Her eyes swept over them all, and when that smile fell from her face relief washed over him…well that is until she started to speak.

 

Giving all of them that warm and flirtatious smile that had made Cloud and many other boys of the town fall in love with her, she asked her question. “Umm hi! My name's Tifa…Do you guys by any chance know a SOLDIER named Cloud Strife?”

 

His breath caught in his chest. He knew he could trust Zack not to give him away, but Sephiroth was another story, and he had no doubt in his mind that Caden would give him away within a moments notice. The kid was so jealous of him that he would probably not only say that he knew him but pull the helmet off his head so that he could make a grand entrance.

 

Bracing himself for the worst, Cloud shut his eyes and waited for the proverbial shit to hit the fan. “We know of no SOLDIER by the name of Strife. Now please move out of the way so that we can get the job done that we were hired to do.”

 

Both Cloud and Caden turned to Sephiroth in shock, and Zack just gave a smile at his friend's antics. Cloud was mildly sure that his jaw was dragging along the ground at the implications about what that sentence meant. Sephiroth had covered for him. He had covered for him when he was supposed to hate him.

 

His attentions refocused on Tifa and he saw that crestfallen look cover her face when she found out that her good friend would not be here. Did that mean she cared? Did that mean that the girl who had always been so cold to him gave a damn about whether he returned or not? He smirked to himself. He guessed it was true what they say then…absence does make the heart grow fonder. Either that or she was just looking forward to telling her friends that she knew a famous SOLDIER…but he could at least hope for the former of the two.

 

With a sad nod she turned and ran the other way, tears already forming in her eyes as she entered her house and shut the door. A wave of guilt spread through him. It seemed that that was really the only emotion he could feel lately. Guilt over this, guilt over Sephiroth, over Zack, over the special treatment he had received because of them, guilt over everything.

 

He had to know why he had a reason to feel about this though. He had to know why Sephiroth covered for him. “Seph…” He started, but then remembered that they were most definitely not on a first name basis anymore, he quickly corrected himself. “General Sephiroth sir, why did you lie for me?”

 

Without even looking his way, Sephiroth coldly answered his question. “I did not lie. I know of no SOLDIER named Strife.” Well so much for Sephiroth gaining a soul. The man knew about how important becoming a SOLDIER was to him, and he had only just said that to rub salt in the wound…Though that didn't change the fact that even though he was hurtful, he had covered for him.

 

Sensing his inner turmoil, Zack patted him on the back. The SOLDIER motioned for him to follow Sephiroth who had now walked through the gates. Gulping with nervousness, Cloud quickly caught up, and then stopped before running into the General's back. Why had they paused? Even more importantly why was Sephiroth looking around at his boring little hick town so intently?

 

“How does it feel?” Cloud jumped at Sephiroth's voice, and he turned to meet his cold green eyes. “It's your first time back in your hometown, right? So how does it feel?” The man's gaze grew far away as his own question seemed to sink in. “I wouldn't know because I don't have a hometown…”

 

Honestly he was confused as hell on why Sephiroth was taking up this sudden niceness and deciding to talk to him, but he wasn't for one second about to pass up the chance to converse with the person he adored so much. What was weird was that Sephiroth had never shared anything with him about his past before, and yet he had just said something that sounder so personal.

 

“Umm…how bout your parents?” He asked awkwardly, not wanting to piss the General off with his questions, and yet at the same time desperately craving to have him talking to him once more.

 

Zack was looking questioningly at the man, and Cloud felt at least a little better that someone else seemed to be just as confused with this turn of events as he was. Though at least his confusion would end soon, because he knew for damn certain that Sephiroth was not going to answer what he had just asked. He had never mentioned a thing about his family before, as a matter of fact the blond wasn't even sure he had one. No way in hell was he going to just suddenly decide to reveal something so personal to two people he hated and one that he didn't even know.

 

“My mother is Jenova.” And the surprises just keep on coming. He stared slack jaw as Sephiroth shared more about his life than he had ever before. “She died right after she gave birth to me. My father…” Sephiroth's eyes grew cynical at just the thought, and he gave a cold laugh. “What does it matter?....” He asked to no one in particular before seeming to get a hold of himself. “Alright let's go.”

 

Nibelheim was dead quiet. It was almost as if it was a ghost town. You would think that the villagers would be rushing out to greet their would be protectors, but Cloud knew from experience how closed and guarded this town could be. It was possible that they could be scared of the monsters roaming around, but the blond doubted it. No, he was sure that they were more terrified of the big bad Shinra Corporation than anything else.

 

Sephiroth paused at the well, his hand going out to trace the wood of the place where Cloud had made the most important promise he could remember…or at least it seemed so at the time. “We leave for the reactor at dawn. Make sure you get to sleep early. All we need is one lookout,” Here he looked towards Caden, giving him the shit job of night duty. He had actually thought the job would have been sent to him, but for some reason Sephiroth seemed to be in an unnaturally good mood. Well it was either that or he just really hated Caden. “So you others, get some rest.” He paused and glanced over to Cloud. “Oh, that's right…you may visit your family and friends.”

 

With that said he headed towards the hotel, leaving Caden to grumble some complaint before crawling up the well to take position as lookout, and Zack and Cloud to stand there in confusion. “Zack,” Cloud tried. “Why the hell is he being so giving?” He glanced over to the raven-haired soldier. “I mean he obviously doesn't like me, he knocked me out in the truck for fucks sake, and yet he didn't tell Tifa who I was…and well he's just…” He finished lamely, not even really knowing where he was going with this conversation. Yet Zack seemed to follow his randomness just fine.

 

“He loves you.” Cloud's eyes widened at that. “You hurt him Cloud, but he does love you.” Zack gave a bemused smile. “You're the only one that has ever gotten so close to him. He's never opened up about his parents to anyone, and yet he was so quick to reveal his most private secrets to you.” Zack looked seriously into his eyes. “You've changed him Cloud…” He shrugged knowingly. “And you've hurt him. He doesn't know how to act…He's probably just as confused as you are.”

 

It was like Zack said the one thing to make him feel more like crap than he already did. So he had changed Sephiroth? What the hell is wrong with him? He had made someone who was always cold and guarded to open up, only to stomp all over his heart once he did. Not to mention the fact that Zack had said he loved him…The guilt he had no doubt was going to eat him alive.

 

Leaning forward, Zack wrapped his arms around his shoulders and placed a soft kiss on his forehead. “Don't stress yourself out Spike. This mission's gonna be hard enough without you getting an ulcer.” He hugged him tighter. “Now why don't you go see your mom, and I'll try to talk to Sephiroth.”

 

His mother? Cloud's heart lightened a little at the thought of getting to see her after all of these years. He had been so preoccupied with thoughts of his problems that it hadn't even occurred to him that he could go see her. He could tell her that he was trying to practice digression. She wouldn't tell anyone…and he was pretty sure that of everyone he knew she was the one person that wouldn't be ashamed that he hadn't become a SOLDIER yet. After all you have to love your child, right?

 

Cloud nodded to Zack, and almost whined in lost when the SOLDIER pulled away and jogged over to the hotel. He only hoped that everything went smoothly with him and Sephiroth. Perhaps they could just come to a mutual agreement where they just both hated him and become friends again. Honestly, although just the thought of it killed him, he wished that they would just kick him out of their lives altogether. It would be better for them in the long run. All he ever did was cause people in his life to suffer. What had happened between the three of them was just more proof of that.

 

Taking a deep breath, Cloud steeled himself as he headed towards the small house he used to call his home. He paused right outside his door. Should he knock? Technically this wasn't really his house anymore, and he knew that he wasn't expected. Knowing his mother if he just walked in garbed as a solider she might freak out and hit him with a frying pan or something.

 

In the end he decided that even if he did get hit by the frying pan it would be worth it. After all what was one more head injury? Turning the doorknob as quietly as he could, Cloud slowly made his way into the house.

 

Smells from the kitchen immediately flooded into his nostrils, making his mouth water and memories of all of the meals his mother had made for him come flooding back. His mother was stirring something on the stove, and he could smell a roast cooking in the oven. Just the thought of having a home cooked meal made him drool. How long had it been since he had had anything other than the freeze-dried crap that they served them in the cafeteria? He would say that it was almost worth coming on this mission just for the food alone…almost.

 

Slipping off his helmet, Cloud tiptoed his way up behind his mother, silently making a note to tell his mother to get a security system or something. If he could sneak up on her so easily, then what did that say for her protection? Smirking, he reached out and covered the woman's eyes.

 

As soon as he did though he knew that he had made a big mistake. Before he even got out `guess who' his mother had reacted and elbowed him right in the ribs, sending him sprawling towards the ground as his mother spun around with a look that could kill and a rather large butcher knife she was using to cut up vegetables.

 

The fury in her eyes immediately faded however when she saw who it was she had accosted. The knife dropped from her slender wrist, and she put her other hand up to her chest. “Oh Cloud you nearly gave me a heart attack!”

 

After getting a hold of herself, she seemed to realize just who it was standing in front of her, and then all hell broke loose. Screeching at the top of her lungs, she ran towards him in a blonde blur and pulled him off the ground and into his arms.

 

Cloud had never been hugged so hard in his life, and all the while his mother was spouting out incoherent nonsense like, “I'm so glad you're home” and, “I thought I'd never see you again.”

 

Smiling his first legitimate smile in what seemed like forever, Cloud reciprocated the embrace. It was weird but when he had left he had been almost a head shorter than his mom, and now he could see over her finely kept mop of sunshine blonde hair. Honestly anyone who saw the pair could tell they were related. Cloud had no doubt that if he had been born female that he would be the spitting image of the well-kept woman currently gushing to him in his arms.

 

Until he was back home he hadn't really realized just how much he had missed it. Growing up his mother had pretty much been his only friend, and so he had come to rely on her quite a bit. Whenever the other kids or adults would pick on him he would always come running and she would hold him until his sobs stopped and tell him that everything was going to be okay. It was pretty pathetic, he knew that much, but he really wished he could just do the same now. He would give anything just to collapse onto his bed and spew out all of his problems with the world on the one person he knew would listen, but he highly doubted she'd be near as understanding about him being in a complicated all male love triangle as she had been about him falling off of the monkey bars.

 

Pulling back from the embrace, he kissed the woman on the top of the head, before taking another good whiff of the delectable aroma coming from the kitchen. “Smells good Mom…It's almost as if you knew I was coming.”

 

She smiled at him before ruffling his hair in the way he had always loved as a child. She stopped near the back, and when her fingers hit air it seemed to occur to her that something was different. “You lost the ponytail I see.” The blonde woman stated with amusement. “You also seem to be even skinnier than when you left…which seeing as how you were already a twig is really saying something.”

 

He shrugged before sinking into the dining room chair he used to always occupy. “What can I say Mom, they just don't cook like you do.” She nodded knowingly, and then leaned down into the oven, pulling out what did turn out to be one of the most mouth-watering roasts he had ever seen.

 

“Now why is it I feel like you're just flattering me to get a free meal?” She questioned herself, all the while already knowing the answer.

 

“Oh come on, I'm a poor mistreated solider. The least you could do was give me nice meal.” Cloud whined, loving the fact that she was probably one he could get away with such a childish act with.

 

Scooping a mound full of mash potatoes and roast onto a plate, his mother plopped more food than he had seen in a month down in front of his face. “You're such a brat, but I suppose I can't deny my only child a meal.” She ruffled his hair again. “As long as why you're eating that meal you tell me anything and everything you've been doing since you've been away.” He sighed in resignation as he placed the heavenly food in his mouth and prepared himself to get into a very very long story.

,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,

 

Cloud left his home and headed towards the hotel with a dopey smile on his face. No matter how uncomfortable the trip had been so far, he really was glad that he had come. He had broke down and told his understanding mother all of his problems, and in turn she had given him a solution to them that just might work.

 

The town was still unnaturally quiet, giving him a foreboding feeling that he tried with all of his might to bury under his new found resolve to make things right. He saw that Caden was still up on the well, and from the position he was in Cloud could tell that he was already sleeping. Not exactly the best lookout in the world, was he? For a brief moment the blond considered reporting his faulty work ethics, but that meant that they had to wake the bastard up, and honestly him getting eaten unexpectedly by a monster didn't sound all that bad right now.

 

Swinging open the door, Cloud headed into the hotel. He was surprised when he saw that the person behind the counter was one of the kids who always used to make fun of him. He smirked a little to himself. That should show him. He was working in a hotel, while Cloud was in the most prominent army in the world and the lover of the great Sephiroth. Cursing himself, he immediately corrected that thought…He was actually the former almost lover of the great Sephiroth…Still it was better than working in a hotel.

 

After checking in, and doing well to mask his voice while underneath his helmet, Cloud headed up the stairs. Honestly he didn't think that it was likely that the kid would have recognized him, but he really didn't want to take that chance. He had been so deep in thought that he hadn't realized the way he was excitedly bounding up the stairs. Well he didn't realize it until he almost ran face first into Sephiroth's back, and then his sunshiny attitude immediately sobered.

 

The silver haired war god was standing in front of the window of their hotel room, staring distantly at the mountains beyond. His face was filled with confusion as he took in the view. The sun was setting behind the mountains now, giving everything an ethereal glow about it. It even gave Sephiroth a glow, his unnaturally pale skin seemed to burn with a fiery orange haze as he stood in the window seal. Cloud's breath hitched in his throat as he thought about how he had never seen anything so beautiful in his life.

 

He really thought he could stare at such a sight for the rest of his life, but he knew that he couldn't bask in such a guilty pleasure. He had come here with a resolve to do something, had he not? He knew he had to say something, and at seeing how intently Sephiroth was studying his small hick town only one thing came to mind.

 

“What are you looking at?” The blond asked. He hated breaking such a surreal moment, but it couldn't be helped. Besides there was always the off chance that Sephiroth would be in a semi good mood, and he might even learn some more about the guarded man's past. It was a slim hope, but it was still there.

 

“…This scenery…” Cloud jumped at Sephiroth's voice, and instinctively walked closer to its source. “I feel like I know this place.” The statement caught him so off guard, that Cloud had no choice but to say something very undeniably stupid.

 

“Pssh…this place.” He scoffed. “I doubt a world famous General like you would ever have the need to such a small worthless place like this…only hicks and losers ever come out of Nibelheim.”

 

Sephiroth's hands clenched at his sides, and it was like a wave of coldness passed between them. Damn, without knowing it Cloud had unmistakably fucked up, and the worst part was that he had no idea why.

 

Eyes never leaving the countryside view, Sephiroth made it unmistakably clear just what he had done to get him so upset. “Is that really how you see me?” Green eyes turned to his, and Cloud gasped at the intensity in that gaze. “Am I just the famous face of Shinra to you?” He scoffed. “No wonder you were so quick to run back to Zack…Though you could have at least waited until I slept with you first.” His eyes grew cold. “At least then you could have something to brag to your friends about.”

 

Cloud's eyes softened, and he could feel tears threaten to fall. How had he not realized this before? How had he not seen just how insecure Sephiroth could really be? It was hard to imagine a war hero being scared, but after saying that the blond had to admit that the man looked terrified. It ate at the edges of his heart to think that a person could be so terribly alone all their lives.

 

Not being able to control himself, Cloud rushed foolhardily forward, and crashed himself against the man's chest. Laying his head against Sephiroth's chest, he wrapped his arms around the pale haired warrior, not once carrying what the consequences would be for his actions.

 

“That's the dumbest thing I ever heard!” The blond exclaimed, squeezing tighter as he felt Sephiroth stiffen beneath him. “It's true I left this town to become like you, but after I met you I never saw you as anything other than the person you are!” Tears fell down his face, coating Sephiroth's chest in a layer of mist as he continued to hold on to him for dear life. “The person who took the time to notice some loser like me…the person who called me beautiful!”

 

Very slowly Sephiroth's arms wrapped around his waist, and returned the embrace for only a moment before pulling him back. Cloud was hopeful for only a moment until he saw that same cold demeanor reflecting in his bright green eyes.

 

“I can't…we can't.” His icy voice cut through Cloud like a knife. “It should never have gotten as far as it did between us.” No. This had been what he had decided to prevent. This is the conversation he had been dreading.

 

“Seph…please don't shut me out. I know you hate me for what I did with Zack, and I know he hates me for what I did to you.” Cloud briefly wondered where Zack was as he let the tears continue to fall down his face. “I'm a grade A fuck up…I know that, but I can't loose you guys.” The tears fell harder, and Cloud didn't even try to wipe them away. “I've never had any friends before, let alone lovers…You, Zack, and Reno are the only people in the world who mean a damn to me!”

 

“So what exactly would you have us do…pretend to be friends?” Sephiroth hissed. It really was scary how well the man could read his thoughts. Here he had spent the better part of an hour coming up with that plan, and the silver haired warrior had ripped it apart with one cutting comment.

 

He wasn't about to give in so easily though. “Who said we would have to pretend?” Cloud asked hopefully. “I messed up with all of our lives…I know that. I'm not selfish enough to expect to be with either of you in the way that we were before, but that doesn't mean we can't stay close!” He cried.

 

A jaded look came upon Sephiroth's face as he considered Cloud's plea, but then that same cold impassive gaze came back and the blond knew he had lost. “Do you really want to know the reason we can never be friends?”

 

Without realizing it Cloud had nodded to the question, and braced himself as Sephiroth leaned forward, caressing his mouth in gentle kiss that sent sparks throughout his body and made him literally too weak to stand. When Sephiroth pulled away he fell to the floor, hand immediately going up to touch the lips that the man's had just been caressing not a moment ago.

 

“That is why we can never be friends Cloud.” Hazy blue eyes looked up to meet determined green ones. “When we get back from this mission I will have you transferred out of my class and back in with the normal cadets.” He coldly stated. “You will have no contact with me, and I will make it so that we never have to see each other…In essence it will be like the relationship between us never even existed. You will be dead to me, and I to you.”

 

Cloud honestly didn't think it would hurt more if someone took an actual knife and gutted his heart from his chest. He sat huddled on the floor, feeling the universe contract around him and squeeze what remaining bit of happiness there was out. How could he say such a thing? How could he just force him out of his life like that? How could he forget that he ever existed?

 

“You can't.” He said, thinking out loud. “I'll die without you in my life.” He had spoke from the deepest most shattered part of his heart, but in reply all he got was a scoff.

 

Turning shocked blue eyes upwards he noticed how even though he was being cynical, Sephiroth still refused to meet his eyes. “Now aren't we being a little overdramatic?” He turned back towards the window. “You'll be just fine Cloud. You were fine before we met, and you'll be find after I just become your commanding officer again.”

 

Was he really that delusional? Did he actually think that this plan of his would work? Pushing himself shakily to his feet, Cloud once more went over to stand by Sephiroth near the window. “But Sephiroth you could never just be my commanding officer.” He hugged the man from behind, noticing how he visibly stiffened, but had yet to push him away. “We can never go back to the way we were, and the thought of not seeing you is worst than death.” He buried his head into Sephiroth's leather jacket, taking a whiff of the pungent smell it emitted. “I want to be a part of your life Seph…I want you to know that people do care about you, and not just about how strong you are.”

 

“Don't kid yourself Strife…” Cloud winced. So they were back to last names huh? “There's no one that cares about me like that…not you…not Zack…no one.”

 

“That's not true!” Cloud shouted. He couldn't believe how stupid such a supposedly smart man could be. “Zack considers you his best friend!...and me…well I…” He shut his eyes, letting a secret escape from his mouth that he had yet to tell anyone. “Well I love you!”

 

Silence overtook the room for what seemed like an eternity. Sephiroth still allowed Cloud to clutch to him, but the blond could feel that he wasn't even breathing. He shouldn't have let that slip. He shouldn't have let that slip right after what he had done to him.

 

“You don't love me Cloud.” Sephiroth quietly broke the silence, voice coming out in a dry rasp. “You don't even know me.” Even in it's broken state, his voice still managed to sound as confident as ever. The moment of uncertainty had passed, and Cloud knew that he had lost this battle.

 

Pulling out of their messed up embrace, Sephiroth headed towards the bedroom. “If you do, as you say, love me, you'll forget I ever existed.” He gave him a cold look, indicating that this conversation had finished. “We have an early start tomorrow…you should get some sleep soon.” And with that he shut the door to his room, leaving Cloud to fall to his knees and cry himself to sleep while curled up into a ball on the cold wooden floor.

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A.N.- Hey! Well there you have it, the first part of the Nibelheim flashbacks, and well we're off to a depressing start…and honestly, we all know the story…we all know that it doesn't get any happier…especially this one. But hey I passed Kingdom Hearts 2…very awesome by the way…and anyways Cloud and Sephiroth are in it a whole bunch, and maybe I'm the only one that thinks this…but they were such stalkers of each other. Whenever you talked to either of them it'd be `where's cloud?' or `Have you seen someone with silver hair and a long sword?'…yeah, they love each other. But anyways please drop me a review, because you all luv me so much and I'll be sure to get the next chapter out as soon as I can. Thank you to anyone who read this, and again REVIEW!