Flame Of Recca Fan Fiction ❯ What Matters Most ❯ I'm Taking You Home ( Chapter 6 )

What Matters Most

Chapter 6: "I'm Taking You Back"

"Konnichiwa Mikagami-niichan, Fuuko-neechan, Domon-niichan, Yanagi-neechan, soushite Recca-niichan! Nice to see you all together again!" I said when I bumped into them after school.

"Yeah, whatever, Ko-chan," Fuuko said.

"It's nice to see you, too, Koganei-kun," Sigh… Yanagi's always so polite. I wish people are like that.

"Good to see you as well." Mikagami said. He's always so…so distant. Cold even, but not really. He's like a rock, shows no emotion whatsoever, and doesn't even smile.

"So Koganei! What's with the attitude? Can't you be more enthusiastic?" Sigh… Domon. Sometimes, I wonder how old he really is. For a long time? I've been seen him and he doesn't even notice me! Come to think about it, I've been seeing all of them and none had ever passed a greeting or a wave.

Wonder why?

"Are all of you coming with us home?" I asked.

"With us home, Koganei? With you?" asked Recca.

I still didn't know what was wrong with him. Or me.

I didn't even understand why he said that with so much contempt.

Did he hate me? Did I do something to anger him?

Whenever someone would get mad at me, none of them had ever tried to explain why.

I didn't understand at all.

All I know is that I must've done something real bad for them to get angry with me like that.

Yanagi must've noticed this because she asked, "What's wrong Recca-kun? Is something the matter?"

"Nothing. Nothing at all." With that said, Recca stormed away, leaving me totally confused.

Yanagi and the rest followed suit, all of them, with exception of Yanagi, looking at me coldly. I stared at them dumbly.

'What had I done this time?' I asked myself.

I stayed behind for a while, thinking of what had happened. What Recca said to me came as a shock. For the times I've been with him, I've never heard him talk to me that way. For the times I've been with him I've never seen him so angry with me.

I decided to go home as well. It was a bit late and being outside at night isn't a good thing. I know, because I've been there for more than enough.

I walked home slowly. Dreading what Recca might say more about me. Because every time he would, I'd feel something inside me burn. Not the usual burn, though. It's as if I'd just been stabbed in the heart. It's a feeling as if something's freezing inside. And it leaves you feeling cold and alone. And the feeling isn't at all pleasant. It's very painful. A feeling I never wanted to experience again.

But then again, father used to leave me feeling like that all the time… I guess I'm a bit used to it by now, come to think about it.

When I reached my destination, I found that the door was locked. I knocked and waited for someone to open it. Seconds went by and I knocked again. Still, no one came. I knocked for several times and I heard footsteps coming from inside.

"Oy! Would someone please let me in?"

The door opened and the person who opened it was Recca.

"Koganei, you're here," he said, with as much contempt as he did a while ago.

"Why don't you find your real family, Koganei? Why don't you find them and live with them for a damn good change?"

I stared at him, "But-but you are my family. Recca-niichan, I--,"

"We were never your family, Koganei. And we never considered you as one."

I was struck speechless. Find my real family? That's truly impossible! I swore that I'd never go back. I swore I'd never go back since they were the ones who left me in the first place. I wanted to explain it all to him. To make him understand. But I couldn't. It was too painful to remember.

But I just can't let him talk to me like that. I just can't allow him to banish me from the place I'm starting to call home. I just can't.

"Nii-chan, you can't do this to me! You're the only one I have left! You, Yanagi, Fuuko, Domon, Mikagami, Kagero, Ganko and Hanabishi-san… You're the only ones I know! You can't… You… I-It's impossible!" I said. I knew I couldn't say anything to make him say otherwise. I knew there was no hope for me to stay here. I knew it. But I just couldn't allow him! Not ever! I had to try…

Then Domon came out and said, "Koganei, nothing's impossible. All you have to do is take your stuff out, put them in your bag or whatever it is you do have, walk out the door and say good-bye. It's that simple!"

Everyone started coming out of the house. All of them were wearing the same expression as Recca.

Even Yanagi.

I stared at them. I couldn't believe what I was seeing. The people I cared for the most were looking at me as if I was some kind of intruder. A stranger. An invader.

I couldn't understand. I couldn't understand what was happening. I didn't know what to do. I was scared. Confused. Alone.

Everything came back to me. All the memories I had kept inside for so long. All the times they'd beat me. All the things they'd said about me. All the things father had so forcefully put in my head. And that time… The time when they left me there… In the orphanage…

I stepped back. I didn't want to remember. I didn't want to.

But it came. Everything.

I backed away again. Staring at them. Unbelieving. Dumbfounded. Confused. Scared.

Then it happened.

The world spun so fast I stumbled. I was loosing my focus again.

But I couldn't. I couldn't let them see I was weak. I couldn't let them see me like this.

So I ran. I started running even though pain was starting to envelop my entire body. I had to do this. I had to run away from them. I couldn't let them see.

No more… I didn't want it anymore. No more pain. Even if I had to die… To take the pain away… To take everything away… Those memories. Those horrible memories… And the people…

People who can't seem to find time for me. People who can't seem to stop from hurting me. People who don't care… No… I can't stand everything anymore…

Why? Why can't anyone… someone… just stop and take some time to look… To care… To listen… To understand… Why? Why am I so unlucky? What is wrong with me? What is it that makes me so… so difficult to understand?

I smiled… I knew this was it. I could feel my life slipping… I stopped. No… This wasn't it… This isn't the one… I could still feel… I could feel the cold concrete floor… I could feel my whole body… My whole body filled with pain…

Then I realized something.

I was scared. Scared to die. No. I didn't want to die. I wanted to experience things I never did. Experience things I've always been forbidden to. I wanted to feel… Love.

No. I didn't want to die. I wanted someone to understand me. And look at me even for a while and tell me that I'm… that I'm… worthy… wanted… loved.

I gradually became conscious of my surroundings. I realized I was lying on the concrete floor in an alley and was curled sideways with my back facing the road. Then I heard footsteps. Someone was running towards me.

I felt my chest tighten again. My head was starting to ache and throb as if it were being hammered. My vision was blurring. Everything was painful. Every move, every breath was excruciating and I felt like screaming. But I couldn't. I had no energy left. All I could do was gasp for air and tighten my eyes in pain every time I'd do so. I felt my tears coming down my cheeks. Everything was so painful. I couldn't bear it.

Then they came. Whoever it was who was running.

"Koganei…"

I couldn't remember whose voice that was, but it seemed so familiar.

"Koganei," it said again. "Are you okay?"

Tears were swelling in my eyes even more. Every minute, every second seemed like forever.

"Koganei, are you okay?" He nudged me and I screwed my face with pain.

"Come on. I'm taking you back."

He carried me in his arms and I felt warmth spreading in my body. It had been a long time since anyone had carried me like this.

"You'll be alright."

He walked slowly carrying me in a place only God knows where. Then he stopped. I looked and I saw it wasn't Recca's house but Mikagami's.

I forced myself to speak but all I could manage was a moan. He looked at me worriedly and I forced myself yet again. "Why?"

He looked at me seriously, "Because I don't think it's right."

"What's not right?"

"Recca." Was all he said.

'Recca?'

"I'll explain it to you later. You need some rest," Mikagami said, "Then maybe you could tell me what's up with this and what's wrong with you."

He carried me all the way to his room. He had two beds there. One wasn't as used as the other one so he placed me there. He went downstairs and brought a towel and some water. He pulled a chair and sat there, staring at my back as I was curled sideways trying hard not to cry in pain, gasping every now and then. He touched my shoulder gently and pulled me, attempting to lay me at my back. I followed suit and he started putting the towel on my burning forehead. My eyes were shut tight when he spoke, "Recca thinks you're trying to steal Kagero away from him."

I grimaced, "Pathetic."

"I know. That's why I came for you. But when I did, I found you lying in an alley, tears coming down your face as if every move and every breath you make is painful. What's happening to you?"

I stayed silent. What can I tell him?

I myself didn't know what was wrong with me.

"Oi. Are you going to answer me or not?" His voice seemed impatient but when I looked at him, he looked concerned.

Well, his eyes anyway…

I sighed. The pain was ebbing away slowly and I could move without hurting myself, "I don't know."

He frowned, "Don't know? How can you not know? It's your body. What did you do this past week? Did you play in the rain?" I grimaced. Did he really think I still play in the rain? That's stupid. Father already placed it forcefully that playing in the rain is a no-no, "Did you catch a cold? A flu? Did you, well…What did you do?"

"Nothing. I didn't do anything. Well, except…"

I stopped. How can I tell him that? This week a whole lot of bullies beat me up and I think it's because of them that I'm like this. No, wait. Bullies have been beating me up even before that. Well, I think they have been doing that ever since I can remember.

I don't think so.

"Well…"

"Nothing. I don't know why I'm like this."

"How long?"

"How long? Maybe… A few days? Weeks? I'm not sure…" I said meekly.

"Koganei!" He was beginning to get mad, I knew it…

"Hai?"

"You're not sure?"

"I'm sorry," I said.

He was silent for a while.

"It's okay. We'll figure it out somehow…"

I looked up to him as he stood to leave.

"Where are you going?"

"I'm going to change my clothes. Why?"

I didn't want to say it. Just thinking about it makes me wince in embarrassment.

"Nothing," nope I can't say it.

"What is it?"

"It's nothing… Never mind…"

With that said, he walked off leaving me scared and alone.

I didn't want to say it but it is true.

I was scared and I didn't want him to leave me alone.

"Mikagami-niichan…"

He came back after a while. I was pretending to be asleep because I didn't want him to think I can't sleep alone. He walked over to me and what he said surprised me the most.

"Sleep well, Koganei. Don't worry everything will be all right. I'll take you home."

And after so many days, I felt myself smile.

AN: This fic can also be read at fanfiction.net. I usually update there so… It's much more advanced than this… Chapter 7 can be found there… If anyone wants to know or read it… You can review me there too! That'd be great and I'd appreciate it. And it's also my first time here in MediaMiner… So I don't really know how it works here… Hehe… So… Please review! And thanks for reading!