Fruits Basket Fan Fiction ❯ Light in My Life ❯ Confessions ( Chapter 11 )

It's good that people appreciate quick updates. I rather enjoy them myself, and I see no reason to wait a month to publish a five page issue. People get lost on the story and forget what's happening. This is why I believe in rapid updates, and they don't take that much time out of my schedule. I think about what I'm going to write, and I write it quickly. Not much else to it.

11: Confessions

Hatori sighed, trying again to get some food to the dying Akito. But he absolutely refused.

"There's nothing I can do, Tohru. He's either unwilling to eat, or he's too far gone to take it," he told her, his voice tinged with melancholy. Tohru gulped, turning away.

Without saying a word more, Hatori turned and walked across the room, opening the door to leave. He watched her with a sigh and a shake of his head. She was anguishing over someone who would never give her more than violence and reprimands, and probably didn't want to live anyway. He slid the door closed.

Tohru stood at the window, lightly pressing her palm on it. The air outside was warm, but she felt cold and tired against the soft heat. She padded lightly across the room, opening the sliding panel that led to the outdoors. There was a light, refreshing breeze drifting past, and Tohru welcomed it into the rather stifling room. "I hope Akito-san doesn't mind the doors open for a moment," she said, her voice quiet. "Fresh air is good for you."

Tohru looked outside at the soft, green grass, which made wave-like ripples as it was tossed about by the breeze. The rustling of nearby trees could be heard, alluding to the sound of a tranquil brook trickling down a rocky bed. The sky was a robin's egg blue, kept afloat by a few puffy, white, renegade clouds. The sun could not be seen from her westward view, but its rays she could feel on her skin.

Akito had felt something strange. The door was opened, and the feelings radiating around him were loud and very clear. Hatori was as cold and unfeeling as always, but the girl... Tohru. Akito had refused to be hand fed, like any respectable person, and the announcement that he would most likely die seemed to cause a sudden wave of woe. It wasn't a sorrowful or sad kind of feeling, but more of a deep loss. It was as if the girl had misplaced something that meant the world to her... and Akito felt a disgusting twist in his stomach that she was feeling that way about him. She was a monstrosity, and he suddenly couldn't control the anger rising in his throat. How dare she feel that way! How dare she mourn his illness and eventual death!

That was not her job. Not even his family was sad that he was leaving them. She had no right to substitute.

But then, the mood had changed. He felt a rather comforting, caressing breeze come in through the newly opened door. She spoke to him as if he were a conscious being, not a comatose man that everyone else assumed him to be. And then, he had felt a rather melancholy joy; over what, he wasn't sure. Maybe she was finally realizing how much him dying would be in her favor.

Akito had never been so curious in his life. Even when he was a child, wanting so much to leave the Honke and see other things, meet other children, he had never wanted to know the answer the way he did right then. She was a mystery wrapped in an enigma, and he absolutely had to figure her out.

He summoned every ounce of strength in his body. The energy he had saved from refusing to open his mouth, the sudden adrenaline from his uncontrollable anger... and he opened his eyes.

Beneath long lashes, Akito could see Tohru standing near the doorway. Her knees looked weak, and she had one hand on the frame of the sliding panels. She had a steady stream of tears spilling down her cheeks, but she had a bitter smile on her face. He could see the world outside; and it was beautiful.

The girl's hair was free. No ribbons, and definitely no makeup. Not that she needed any, but it was rather interesting. Every girl or woman Akito knew always wore lots of that pinkish substance, and it disgusted him. It was like painting clay on one's face. Her eyes told the world, and she looked as if she had lost something precious to her without ever acquiring it in the first place. Something she had wanted was gone.

Akito groaned as he found his eyes drifting closed. Lacking the strength to blink, they had grown watery and achy. Tohru immediately turned around, seeing Akito's eyes flittering about.

"Akito-san!" she said with concern, quickly stooping beside him. "Do you need something?" Tohru quickly took a fresh glass of water off the nearby desk and held it near him. She wiped the tears from her face, still not sure if she had been seen or not.

The world had just been too pretty. She was overwhelmed by its glory, and had been swept away in it. She had wanted so much to change Akito, to make him see that she wasn't evil and that his family would love him so much more if he just... just didn't hurt them. But when she had finally summoned the courage to see him again, he had fallen fatally ill. It wasn't fair.

Tohru had never thought that way before. She always assumed things happened for a reason. She knew that the curse was likely to kill Akito, but she could not bear someone so close to those she loved dying for such a rather... silly reason. Before she could try to make amends with him, he was going to die.

So she had cried. Tohru had cried tears into the beautiful breeze, the world too wonderful for her. If she couldn't help one person, then what was she for? She didn't deserve the glorious trees, the grass, the flowers or the baby blue sky.

Tohru put her face in her hands, the water still on the ground beside Akito's futon. She remained kneeled, and she hunched over as the tears came again. "I'm good for nothing. Shigure graciously gave me his home, but I only caused trouble. I cause trouble for Hatori coming here every day, and I cause worry for Kyou and Yuki when I leave by myself. I'm no good. It... it was even my fault that mother died. If I could only have woken up to say goodbye to her..."

Tohru gasped. She had been thinking out loud, her words coming in short breaths. Tears streamed down her face, and her throat clenched from her sporadic speech.

Without another word, Tohru had quickly gotten to her feet and fled the room. Why had she the sudden desire to speak? She had said everything, told Akito all her secrets, her pain. She leaned against the wall, holding her throat as a lump rose. Her heart was beating quickly, and she sniffed to hold back another wave of tears. She had suddenly become so emotional.

And her heart hurt. She was causing so many people so much trouble, and it was all her fault. Even Akito, telling him things he never wanted to hear. But he had no choice, because he was confined to his bed and had no control over what went on around him.

Tohru had taken advantage of him. The thoughts had come so suddenly, so painfully, she couldn't stop them. And now, they had cost her the pain of taking advantage of a sick person, who she had only wanted to help.

So utterly useless. She wiped her face, walking down the hallway. She found herself at Hatori's door, and lightly knocked. "Hatori-san? I'm sorry to disturb you, but I will have to go home now for today," she said, her voice barely audible. Hatori opened the door, taking in her appearance.

"What happened?" he asked. Tohru shook her head.

"I don't feel well. I'll come back tomorrow morning, if that is okay with you," she said. Hatori nodded slowly, watching curiously as the girl turned and walked out the door, stepping down the porch and closing it quietly behind her.

***

What was I supposed to think? I had never been so utterly confused in my entire life. I was a calm, collected person, until I was angry. When I was angry, I made everyone else pay for it. Because, it was always their fault that I was angry in the first place. But this had confused me.

Oh yes, I had made people cry before. They cried in agony, they cried in pain, they cried in sadness, and they cried in hate and anger. But people were selfish, and they always, always cried for themselves. Cried for the pains they suffered, the pains I caused them.

They had never cried for me. Tohru had cried. She had cried for me, and cried for the world, and cried for the beauty that only she seemed to experience. Her face had been so overcome, so heavy and full of emotion. She was an open book.

Then she had spoken to me, as if she was spilling her heart without even realizing it. She had shut up immediately afterward, letting out a shocked gasp. She had quickly retreated my room, apologizing repeatedly.

And I had gotten even more confused. She was a whirlwind of changing emotions; first she was bittersweet over a pretty day, and then she was thinking out loud. I had never had any idea of the problem she knew she caused... Staying at Shigure's house. That had always bothered me. That rather not-so-generous dog letting a stray girl stay at his house? I briefly remembered something about her mother's death, but what she had said made me think about it. Was it her fault her mother had died?

It would have figured. She was such an overactive, emotional little being, she had probably accidentally killed her with a hot frying pan or something. I tried to snicker inwardly.

But it stuck with me, and I felt myself becoming angry again. She had disturbed my thoughts for the rest of the day. Another thing I noted to get my revenge on her for.