Fullmetal Alchemist Fan Fiction ❯ Descent ❯ Death ( Chapter 33 )

A/N: I hope these long chapters and quick updates sort of make up for the slowness in updates over the past few months. The semester has been a real bitch, not to mention work and other real life responsibilities.

 

Thanks for your patience.

-

Descent

 

Chapter Thirty-Three

 

Death

-

Ed sighed and sat heavily on the grassy hill overlooking the large lake that sat just below Dublith's town proper (1). In the distance he could see the small deserted island that Al and he had lived alone on for a time when they'd first begged Izumi to teach them, and suddenly he felt a pang of sadness in his heart. What was Al doing right now? Was he still in Rizembool? Ed looked down and absently picked at the wild grass. He didn't know... He felt so guilty for not contacting his brother. But in his own way, Ed thought that this was the best thing he could do for Al.

 

His brother was a good person and he deserved happiness. Ed, on the other hand, was not, and deserved whatever punishment the world saw fit to throw down on him. It was depressing, thinking that way, but in his heart, he believed it was true.

 

With a small groan, Ed laid back and stared up at the light blue sky. His whole body ached and it felt good to just lie there, but the heat made even doing nothing uncomfortable.

 

Izumi had decided that morning was a good time for him to spar with her. He supposed he should have expected it, but he'd been up most of the night, thoughts of Roy heavy on his mind. They'd sparred for a good hour, and at the end Ed was deeply regretting how neglectful he'd been in keeping his body conditioned.

 

In a way, he'd been lucky. A few years ago, Izumi would have dealt him much harder blows, but in another way, it was sad. She wasn't being easy on him; she just didn't have the energy to beat the shit out of him as thoroughly as before.

 

She was sick.

 

Dying.

 

Izumi might not want to admit it, might want to try to hide it, but it was the truth.

 

Ed lay an arm over his eyes as if that would help take the stinging away that he felt there. He didn't want her to die, he wanted her to live... But he was an adult; he should be able to handle this kind of thing. `All is one and one is all', that's what Izumi had taught him and that's what he'd told Fletcher last night, but...

 

But to truly believe such a thing when it was someone close to you... He squeezed his eyes shut. It was so hard... Ed sniffled and wiped his eyes. She'd been like a second mother to Al and him, and he couldn't bear to let yet another mother go, but it was unavoidable. He couldn't stop what was happening any more than she could. His only consolation was that he knew... he knew she was dying. With his mother it had been so sudden...

 

He couldn't prevent this, but at least he knew...

 

Ed sighed and suddenly felt a pang in his heart as his thoughts turned to Roy. Roy was in danger, but he wouldn't allow Ed to help him and possibly protect him. What was done to Kain Fuery could have been avoided; he believed that with everything that was in him. He also believed that he could protect Roy, if only he'd allow it.

 

Stupid... stubborn... bastard... Ed thought, feeling anger well up inside of him and mix with the pain. He didn't want to feel all these confusing emotions. It was so depressing... almost like when he'd left Rizembool, only not as bad. Somehow, Roy had been able to help him purge some of the anger he'd had from... from what he'd done to Al, and to Winry, but...

 

But.

 

There was still that thing hanging over his head. The guilt of choosing to get Al's body back at the cost of...

 

“Here you are.”

 

Ed moved his arm and stared up at the dark-haired woman who was standing over him. Izumi folded her arms under her breasts and stared down blandly at him. Instead of answering her, he simply sat up and stared out over the water again.

 

Grunting, Izumi stepped forward before sitting down beside him. Ed wasn't sure what he expected her to do, but since she simply sat and gazed calmly out over the water, he let his thoughts wander back to Roy.

 

;-;-;-;-;-;-;

 

Izumi glanced at Ed from the corner of her eye and watched him for a moment. He really had grown since she'd seen him last, and not just in height. Edward had taken on a more thoughtful and mature air than he'd had before. This was not to say that he didn't still have his childish moments, but for the most part he really had matured. But then, he was almost eighteen, it would only make sense that this would happen.

 

She let her gaze move over his clothes, black slacks and a white button up shirt. The top two buttons were undone and the collar was open wide so that she could see where the automail attached to his chest. He was missing the black trench coat from the day before, given the heat of the day, and she was glad for it. Military trench coats were made a specific way, and were almost as recognizable as the uniforms they were meant to be worn over.

 

Looking away, Izumi scowled at the water. The military wasn't a place for children, but then, Ed wasn't a child anymore... Despite that, she still hated the fact that Ed had joined. She supposed she could understand why he had joined, but that reason was gone. Why was he still in the military? It didn't make sense.

 

Of course, Ed getting Alphonse's body back didn't make sense either... Or perhaps it did. She was still in the dark about how Ed had done it, but she had every intention of finding out.

 

“Tell me how you did it,” she said, jumping right in. She didn't need to explain. He knew what she meant. When no answer came, she glanced at him to see that he'd pulled his knees up to his chest and was hugging them close. Pressing her lips together, she decided to wait. He would tell her. He always told her what she wanted to know.

 

After a long while, it could have been five or ten minutes for all Izumi knew, Ed said quietly, “Do you...” His voice cracked and he stopped for a moment, then continued. “Do you ever hide anything from Sig?”

 

She glanced at him and saw him staring back at her with a troubled look in his eyes. Izumi frowned. It wasn't what she'd been expecting. With a sigh, she looked out over the water, avoiding his gaze.

 

“Yes,” she whispered quietly. Izumi had kept many things from Sig, but she'd had her reasons, it had been for his own good...

 

“Why?”

 

She turned and glanced at him. “Why?” she said, repeating the question.

 

He nodded and looked away from her. “Why would you hide things from him? He's your husband, right? I mean, you should share everything because well...” He trailed off and Izumi saw that his cheeks took on a slight pinkish hue.

 

Sighing, Izumi turned her head and let her gaze rest on the small island in the distance. As far as she knew, Ed had no experience with relationships, so he couldn't possibly understand how things worked between her and her husband, but she didn't think it mattered. She didn't believe it wasn't really her and Sig that he was wondering about.

 

It could be that he was thinking about him and Al, as she knew he hadn't told his brother how he was whole. It could also be that Ed was trying to make a point to her. This wouldn't surprise her in the least. Given how intelligent Ed was, he probably picked up some of her teaching methods...

 

“It depends,” she began. “My reasons weren't always the same...”

 

;-;-;-;-;-;-;

 

“...Sometimes I've kept things from him because I was worried about him. I didn't want him to get hurt...” Izumi said, and Ed looked down at the grass. That sounded like something Roy would do, keep stuff from him to protect him. But he didn't need protection! Ed was sure he could handle anything that was dished out.

 

“Then sometimes,” Izumi continued. “I kept things from him because I was too ashamed to tell him.” She fell silent at that leaving Ed to his own thoughts.

 

Wasn't that why he hadn't told Al about how he'd gotten his body back? And even then, couldn't that be combined with wanting to protect his brother? After all, Ed was sure Al would be very upset if he knew what he'd done. But what was done, was done. They couldn't go back and undo it. Telling him would only cause him unneeded pain.

 

His mind flitted back to Mustang. Could Roy also be ashamed of what he was doing? Ed didn't think so. That just didn't sound like Roy's style. No, his commanding officer either wanted to protect him, or he just didn't think Ed was reliable enough. The first thought was a bit sweet, but it was also incredibly frustrating. The second just made him mad.

 

Ed sighed. He couldn't go on like this forever. He would have to return to Central eventually and when he did, he'd have to face Mustang. Ed also couldn't stay away from his brother forever. He missed Al, and he wanted to make amends, but he was so scared to face him; terrified of his brother finding out and hating him for it.

 

Ed picked at the grass. The thought of dealing with Roy was no less comfortable. Instead of feeling scared, Ed felt more confusion and frustration than anything else. Should he stay with Roy? Was Mustang keeping him out of the loop his way of telling Ed his purpose was for sex only?

 

He shook his head. It was a stupid thought. Of course Roy didn't just want him for sex. But even though he knew it, Ed couldn't help letting that worry creep into his mind. No, Ed had thought about the last couple months a lot, and he'd come to the conclusion that Roy must care for him on some level. Perhaps Roy didn't love him, but that was fine with Ed. He wasn't sure if he loved Roy either. After all, what was love anyway?

 

He loved his mother, even though she was gone, and he loved Al. But Roy... Ed pulled up a clump of grass and let it flutter down from his hand to the ground. He knew he had strong feelings for Roy, but when did strong feelings change into love? Or did they ever?

 

He didn't know.

 

He glanced at Izumi, then away. What would she say? Probably that he was being a fool. She'd probably say that he was being a fool and a coward for not facing the problem head on. Ed frowned. Maybe she was right. Perhaps he was being a coward and a fool... He pressed his lips together, and felt his heartbeat quicken at the thought that he should go back to Central.

 

What he needed to do was talk to Roy and find out the reason he was keeping him out of what was going on. He supposed he could do that over the phone, but Ed just didn't feel right about it. No, this was something he needed to do in person...

 

;-;-;-;-;-;-;

 

Izumi watched silently as Ed pulled on the grass, immersed in his thoughts. Waiting was hard sometimes. Right now she wanted to beat the truth from him, but she knew she couldn't.

 

Suddenly, Ed stood up and looked down at her. “I'm going back to Central,” he said, a determined note in his voice.

 

When he started walking away, Izumi said in a commanding voice, “Wait!”

 

He stopped and for a moment just stood there, before turning a little and giving her an apologetic smile. “I'm sorry... I can't tell you...” She frowned and opened her mouth, but before she could say anything, he said softly, “Please understand...”

 

Izumi pressed her lips together. There had been times when Sig had questioned her, wanting to know what she was planning or her reasoning for something, but she had kept it to herself because she'd thought it was best.

 

She closed her eyes and took in a deep breath. Ed was a man now, and he was no longer her student. She couldn't force him to tell her, no matter how much she wanted to. Opening her eyes, she nodded.

 

;-;-;-;-;-;-;

 

Fletcher looked up as the door was flung open and Ed hurried into the house, then glanced over at Mason who was sitting on a chair across from him.

 

“Ed!” the man said cheerfully. “We were just talking about what kind of party we should have for your birthday.”

 

Ed stopped and looked at them for a moment before shaking his head. “I'm leaving for Central tonight,” he said, then gave them an apologetic look. “Sorry...”

 

Fletcher frowned and glanced at Mason who was shaking his head. “Didn't you hear?”

 

Fletcher nodded even though Mason wasn't talking to him, then looked at Ed. He'd heard and he was sure Ed wasn't going to like it.

 

“What?” Ed asked, then looked back as Izumi entered the house and shut the door.

 

“The military just announced it. No one can leave Dublith unless they go through a bunch of paperwork and stuff, and even then they might not let you get on the train if you don't meet all their requirements.”

 

“That's not all,” Izumi said, and held up a paper. “It seems the military is holding a mandatory meeting for all citizens tomorrow at noon.” She scowled darkly. “I have a feeling the traveling issues are going to be the least of our problems.”

 

Fletcher watched as Ed folded his arms and looked down in thought for a moment before glancing up. “I don't think I'll have any problems leaving Dublith.”

 

“You think so?” Fletcher asked worriedly, glad that Russell had left when he had. He had a feeling that his brother would not have fared well with the military here.

 

The blond teenager nodded confidently, and said, “I'm part of the military. I think I have the proper credentials.”

 

;-;-;-;-;-;-;

 

Winry squeaked, then shook her hand in an effort to get the small sting from the needle out of her finger. With a slight whimper, she brought her hand in front of her face and saw a small dot of red bloom where she'd stuck herself.

 

Making a sound of exasperation, Winry got up, walked to the kitchen and rinsed the blood off before pressing a clean towel to it. After a minute, she removed the towel and, when she saw it had stopped bleeding, made her way back to her project.

 

Winry wasn't a great seamstress by any means, but she knew enough to make the small alterations that her mother's wedding dress needed to fit her. Sighing, she was about to sit back down when there was a knock at the door.

 

Wondering who it could be, Winry walked over and opened it. She blinked a moment at the bright sunlight, then her eyes rested on a tall young man. He had blond hair, and some of his bangs fell into one of his eyes, making her want to give him a hair cut. He was wearing brown slacks, suspenders and a white, long-sleeve button up shirt.

 

“May I help you?” she asked politely and frowned when his gaze moved up and down her body with a small smirk.

 

She felt irritation flash through her and was about to say something when he said, “My name is Russell Tringham. I'm looking for Alphonse Elric.” He grinned widely and for some reason that she couldn't explain, Winry felt a shiver run down her spine.

 

;-;-;-;-;-;-;

 

Ed stared at his reflection in the mirror as he buttoned up his military jacket. As often as he'd worn the uniform since Roy had given it to him, he hadn't gotten used to seeing himself in it. It was as if it were someone else staring back at him.

 

Sighing, Ed brushed his hands over the blue fabric in an effort to smooth out any wrinkles. When he'd received the uniform, he'd felt as if he were finally part of Mustangs group, but right now it only served as another reminder that he was in the military, but not trusted enough to do anything truly important.

 

He scowled at the mirror with that thought. What was all of this for anyway? Why was he still in the military? Perhaps the best thing for him to do would be to just quit... If Mustang didn't trust him then what was the point? Ed wasn't even sure why he hadn't submitted his resignation papers when he'd gotten back to Central like he'd planned. Maybe it was because he'd been so depressed. It had been something to keep his mind off of his worries.

 

Ed turned and closed the lid to the suitcase.

 

Mustang's... Roy's... suitcase...

 

“Roy...” Ed whispered, running his fingers over the heavy brown leather. The suitcase was nice, a whole hell of a lot nicer than the one Ed had, and it had been better taken care of. Of course, Ed would have to go to the man's house to give him back his suitcase... And then he'd need to get his stuff that he'd left there... Ed shook his head. Perhaps it had been a subconscious action on his part so that he'd need to go back to Roy's place.

 

I'm such an idiot... Ed thought as he turned and sat down on the bed. He put his elbows on his knees and let his head rest in his hands. He wanted to be angry at Roy, but the only thing he could think of was how he was going to see him again. His heart beat in nervous apprehension at the prospect of being held in Roy's arms. He wanted it so badly that he could almost feel it...

 

Suddenly there was a small knock on his door. Looking up, Ed said, “Come in.”

 

The door inched open and a moment later Fletcher's head popped through the opening. The boy's face had a cautious, worried look and he said hesitantly, “I'm not disturbing you, am I?”

 

Ed shook his head. “Don't be stupid.”

 

Taking a deep breath, the smaller boy let himself into the room and shut the door. Fletcher stood there for almost a minute as he studied Ed, then he said, “I never thought I'd see you in one of those...”

 

Ed shrugged. He didn't feel the need to discuss the uniform and why he'd given in when Mustang said he was finally tall enough to wear one. When Fletcher got no real response from Ed, he looked down at the floor and mumbled, “Are you really leaving today?”

 

“That's right,” Ed replied. “I have something to take care of in Central, and I want to be sure I'll be able to get out of Dublith without too much of a hassle. I think that the longer the military is here, the harder it will be to leave, even for military personnel.”

 

“But... why? I don't understand. Why is the military here? Shouldn't they be in the East trying to win the war?” Fletcher whined, still looking at the floor.

 

Ed frowned. Figuring out military politics wasn't his strong suit. He was a man of science, and a man of action. Not that he couldn't work out strategies if he wanted to, but he didn't like sitting around trying to plan things. It was this attitude that had gotten him into untold amounts of trouble during his life.

 

Roy and Al... they were the ones who understood these sorts of things. They were the planners, the ones who could calmly work people to their advantage. They didn't just run blindly into things, impulsively doing what they thought best at the moment. Ed admired them for that, but it also drove him crazy when he wanted to do something.

 

“I think they're here to make sure people don't go running off to join the rebellion,” Ed said in answer to Fletcher's question. “I've heard the rebellion has been sending out runners to get people to join their cause.” He shook his head.

 

“What if...” Fletcher began, then trailed off for a moment. “What if you knew someone who was part of the rebellion? Would you turn them in?”

 

Ed pressed his lips together. Most of what he knew about The People's Government was that it had been started by a group of terrorists who had no problem hurting people and destroying things, but he also knew they were trying to create a government for the people. It was actually rather confusing. Were they good guys or where they bad?

 

Ed hated ambiguity. He wanted things to be clear and well defined, but of course they weren't. They never were. He studied Fletcher's face for a moment, then said, “I don't know.” He almost wanted to say he wouldn't just to spite the military, but it would be his duty as a military officer to turn them in, but... If it was someone he knew?

 

He thought of when Izumi had gone to get that homunculus, Wrath, from Southern Head Quarters. He'd sided with the military then, but it had mostly been because it was a homunculus that she was trying to save. If it hadn't been, then most likely he would have taken her side. He wondered if it had been his siding with the military that had prompted her to refuse to teach them anymore.

 

“Why?” he asked. To this, Fletcher merely shrugged.

 

Ed pulled out his pocket watch and checked the time. “Well, I've got to go,” he said as he stood and pulled the suitcase off the bed. He grabbed his overcoat and draped it over his arm. Looking at himself one last time, Ed started for the door, but stopped when Fletcher spoke again.

 

“Will you be going to Rizembool?”

 

Ed frowned and turned to look at him. There was no mistaking the fear in his voice. “Not right now, but I've been thinking about it.” He really needed to make amends with Al, and he would... really he would...

 

When Fletcher didn't say anything else, Ed put a hand on his shoulder for a moment, then left the room. He made his way down the stairs and stopped when he saw Izumi standing in front of the door, arms crossed and a scowl on her face. His eyes quickly scanned the room to see Sig and Mason sitting at the table. Behind him, he heard footsteps on the stairs and made note of where Fletcher was as well.

 

“I'm leaving,” he said in a neutral tone.

 

“I see that you really have become a dog,” Izumi spat, looking him up and down.

 

He felt anger flash through him but he pushed it away. This could be the last time he saw her and he didn't want to leave on a bad note. Ed knew she was against the military and perhaps it made her even angrier that he was enlisted because he'd been her student.

 

“I'm sorry,” Ed said. He looked down when he felt tears suddenly prick at his eyes. He was sorry. So very sorry... He wanted her to be proud of him in the same way he'd always wanted his mother to be proud of him, but that wasn't meant to be. He'd made so many choices that she didn't agree with that there was no way she would ever be proud of him. The best he could hope for was that they could part on good terms...

 

;-;-;-;-;-;-;

 

Izumi raised an eyebrow. “For what?” she asked. It infuriated her to see this boy... this young man... that she had cared for like a son, wearing that uniform.

 

“I'm sorry that I can't be what you want me to be,” he said softly. “But I need to choose my own path now, teacher. Please... let me go.”

 

She didn't want to. She wanted to make him stay here. But even if she did, the military was here now and, most likely, he'd just end up helping them in their dirty work here. Didn't he see how he was being used by them? No, of course he didn't. But he was a man now...

 

“There is no need for you to call me teacher. I stopped filling that role years ago.”

 

For a moment there was silence from Ed, then he looked up, moisture in his eyes and whispered, “No. No, you've never stopped filling that role.” He paused, and when he blinked a single tear escaped his eye and quickly dropped down his face to the floor. “And you never will.”

 

The emotion threw her off and she looked away, determined not to give into her own feelings. “Idiot boy,” she said gruffly. “Do whatever you want. You always do.” When he said nothing, she looked back at him and saw a look of...what? Pain? Determination? She wasn't sure, but a moment later he dropped the coat and suitcase to the floor, stepped forward, and wrapped his arms tightly around her.

 

“I will never forget you!” he said fiercely. “Thank you for everything!” Before she could register what was happening, he stepped back, grabbed his stuff, and rushed past her.

 

When the door closed there was a moment of silence before Mason stood and motioned to Fletcher. They both left through the back door, leaving her alone with Sig. In the privacy of her home, with only her love near, she hung her head and let herself feel the pain. Tears pricked at her eyes and she didn't even try to stop them.

 

He knew.

 

He knew she was dying.

 

Did everyone know?

 

She felt strong arms encircle her and she leaned into the embrace. She loved Ed and Al like they were her own sons, and she only wanted the best for them. The military wasn't the best for Ed, but she couldn't make him give it up. She couldn't make him call his brother and she couldn't force him to tell her his secrets. His last words played over and over in her head, and this only made her want to cry more. It was as close to an `I love you, mom' that she was ever going to get.

 

From Ed.

 

From Al.

 

From anyone.

 

;-;-;-;-;-;-;

 

Al sat down across from Russell and asked, “Where's Fletcher?”

 

The blond teen shrugged and said, “He decided to stay in Dublith with that woman. I guess she's going to train him or some such like that.”

 

“Dublith?” Al asked. “Izumi? He's studying with Izumi?” When Russell nodded, Al shook his head and made a mental note to give her a call. He'd been meaning to let her know about the engagement. “I didn't even know you knew her.”

 

“Well, it was sort of a fluke really, but we stayed with her for a bit before I decided to come visit you. I guess she liked Fletcher so much that she decided to teach him while I visited.”

 

Al frowned a little, thinking it was a little odd. Izumi didn't take on students lightly, and Russell was almost always with Fletcher. They were pretty close, like him and Ed. Hard times do that to a person, he supposed.

 

“You must miss him,” Al said sympathetically, thinking of Ed.

 

“Not really,” Russell said and when Al raised an eyebrow, he quickly said, “I mean, I do miss him, but I know he's doing something he wants to do and being well taken care of, so it's not as big of a deal.”

 

Okay... Al thought, thinking Russell was acting a little odd, but then this was Russell... And, of course, he hadn't seen the Tringham brothers in quite a long time, so perhaps the two brothers were not as close as they used to be.

 

“So... what brings you here?” Al asked after a moment.

 

“I wanted to give you the chance to be free, and to insure freedom for your children and grandchildren.” Al frowned, realizing he'd heard this line before and not liking where it was going. Leaning forward, Russell said in a quiet, conspiratorial voice, “I'm talking about you being a part of history in the making.”

 

;-;-;-;-;-;-;

 

“...and we could really use an alchemist of your caliber here.”

 

Ed growled in frustration at Colonel Olsen's fifth attempt to keep him in Dublith. “I already told you, sir,” he said, putting an irritated emphasis on the honorific. “I'm supposed to go to Central.”

 

“I can change those orders for you easily,” the colonel said.

 

Ed frowned. Colonel Olsen (2) was an older, balding man, with enough fat on him to make him look `jolly' but not enough to make him necessarily `fat'. Ed had met him before and he was a rather easy going man. Normally Ed didn't mind talking to him, but right now he was about to strangle him. It was already late and Ed wanted to be on the fastest train to Central, tonight.

 

Grabbing the phone, Ed started to dial. “Okay, why don't you take this up with Colonel Mustang,” Ed said and heard a ring in the receiver before Colonel Olsen pressed down on the phone base, ending the call.

 

“There's no need for that...” the man said nervously. Olsen had served in the Ishbal war, and like every other soldier that had taken part in that war when the State Alchemists had been called out, he had a certain amount of fear when it came to the Flame Alchemist. Sometimes that fear came with respect, but often it was just fear.

 

Ed had asked some of the soldiers why it was, but none of them would say. He'd thought about asking Mustang, but... He wasn't sure he really wanted to know. Ed had taken part in a mock fight with the man, but he had a feeling Mustang had been holding back. It irritated him to this day.

 

To everyone else, Roy Mustang was just a flirtatious bootlicker who wanted to climb the ranks and thought too much of himself, but to Olsen...

 

“I'll get you on a train in three days,” the man bargained. “I have a lot going on right now, and...”

 

But Ed cut him off. “Tonight. I need to go tonight. On the fastest train, on the quickest route.”

 

Colonel Olsen considered this for a moment before saying, “I'll see what I can do...”

 

;-;-;-;-;-;-;

 

Roy shuffled through the documents on his desk, and grunted in triumph when he found the one he was looking for. It was late, and he was tired. What he really needed to do was go home and go to bed, but he couldn't. It was just too lonely there. He tried to ignore the loneliness by drinking himself to sleep, but it never seemed to work out the way he wanted and in the morning he still had to get up and see remnants of what Ed had left behind; random hair ties on the doorknobs, the toothbrush he'd forgotten to take with him, the towel he'd been using that was still hanging in the bathroom where Ed had left it last, and the coat...

 

Ed's long red coat in the bedroom...

 

Sometimes, Roy would walk to the bookshelf where it hung and touch it. He'd bring the fabric to his nose and breathe in deeply. Ed had stopped wearing the coat shortly after he'd started smoking so it had both the new and the old smell of Ed on it. He'd played with the idea of taking it down; maybe putting it away along with the rest of Ed's belongings, but he couldn't. To put them away would mean that he was recognizing that Ed wasn't coming back to live there. That wasn't something he could accept. Ed was just upset, but he was sure he'd come back and they'd talk it over. Roy was sure they'd be able to work things out...

 

No, he'd stay here at work. Soon enough he'd be able to rest, but for now there was work to be done.

 

“Sir?” He looked up to see Lieutenant Hawkeye standing at the door.

 

“Yes, lieutenant?”

 

“It's time...”

 

He looked at the clock and nodded. “Have a good night then,” he said, but she didn't leave.

 

“Sir... I think you should go home tonight, I...”

 

“Lieutenant,” he said, cutting her off. “We've already discussed this.” He grabbed his pen and glanced down at the documents before looking back at her. “I have a job to do. We all have jobs to do.”

 

“But, sir,” she argued with a worried look on her face.

 

“But nothing.”

 

“It's too risky for you to...”

 

“Goodnight, lieutenant,” Roy interrupted and looked down at his work.

 

There was silence for a moment, then he heard her turn around and leave, closing the door softly behind her. He sighed and put the pen down. He knew it was risky, but everything was risk. The more risk you're willing to take, the more potential gain there was to be had. Roy had high stakes in this game and he was willing to risk a lot if he could win.

 

But not Ed? Maes' voice asked in his mind.

 

At that, Roy stood up and walked to the window. It was dark outside. Most people were at home asleep, or with their families, or with their friends or... but not him. He was here listening to a dead man act as his conscious.

 

No, not Ed, Roy thought and touched the window.

 

Why not?” Maes asked him back.

 

Roy rested his forehead against the glass and sighed. Why not Ed? Ed would be so valuable in his cause, and yet... since they'd started living together... since they'd started... Roy frowned. What did that matter? He'd fucked so many people and they didn't mean shit to him. He'd never been willing to protect anyone else like this before. So why Ed?

 

He just can't be trusted, Roy lied to his dead friend.

 

You care for him, Maes' voice returned.

 

“Shut up,” Roy whispered. He felt a tightness in his chest and a stinging in his eyes.

 

You love him, Maes accused.

 

“I said, shut up!” Love? Ed? No way. He liked Ed, surely; found him attractive, and yes, even cared for him in his own way, but love? No. Love brought all sorts of consequences he'd rather avoid. He'd loved Maes, but those feelings hadn't been returned. Even after his friend had gone on with his life and married Gracia, Roy had still loved him, though he'd tried to deny it. But death comes to us all sooner or later, and for Maes it had come sooner than it should have.

 

Roy had stood there at that grave, determined to be angry at his friend for passing him up in the ranks. He'd come to the funeral with the resolute decision that he would not cry.

 

But cry he did.

 

Everyone dies, and those you love are no exception. It's better not to love. Better to just to have great sex, good booze, and ruthlessly get to the top. At least, that's what Roy tried to tell himself as he stood gazing out into the darkness. Instead he found himself staring out toward the general direction of the train station, wondering when Ed was going to return.

 

Suddenly the phone rang and as he turned toward it the window crashed in and a sudden sharp pain stabbed at him. He pressed his hand against the wound and when he took it away, he saw a thick, red liquid covering his skin. Instead of continuing to turn toward the phone, which didn't ring more than once, he started to turn his body toward the window when another stab of pain hit him and he staggered back.

 

His feet tripped over his chair and he turned slightly as he fell, catching the side of his forehead on the desk. With a cry of pain, Roy rolled as he fell and cringed when his body hit the glass covered floor.

 

He moaned as the room began to tilt and spin in his vision. Blood from his head wound flowed freely down his face and into one of his eyes, and he could almost feel the life draining out of the other wounds in his body.

 

Roy brought a shaky hand up and wiped at his face, a vague memory about how much head wounds bleed running in his mind, then out again.

 

What if I die here? Roy wondered distantly. Of course his dreams of becoming Fuhrer would never be achieved, but that's not the regret that came to him. Instead, all he could think of was Ed. If he died, he would never see Ed again.

 

Why would you care if you never saw him again? he heard Maes say.

 

Roy's eyes rested on his hand and focused blearily on the red there. It was red, just like Ed's coat. Everything was red... Everything was Ed... Tears came to his eyes. He didn't want to be without Ed; he didn't want to die without seeing Ed's face at least one more time.

 

Maybe I do love him, Roy thought. But he doesn't love me. He can't love me.

 

“Why?” Maes asked quietly.

 

Because, I'm not a good person and because... if he loves me and if I die... he'll be sad. He can't be sad, I have to protect him... Roy thought hazily in the confusion of his mind.

 

Suddenly he heard something like a door bang in and moments later someone was kneeling in front of him. Through his blurry vision he saw someone with blond hair pulled back and he croaked, “Ed...?” Could it be that his wish was being granted?

 

“No, sir,” came the frightened response. The person turned and said roughly, “Don't just stand there! The phone! Call the doctor!”

 

“Ed...” he whispered, not believing that this wasn't him. He reached up and touched the face. “I'm so sorry, Ed,” he forced out.

 

“Don't talk, sir. Help is coming.”

 

A tear escaped Ed's eye and Roy wiped it away with his thumb, leaving a streak of red from the blood that was on his hand. “Don't cry... You'll be better off without me, Ed...” he whispered. Ed was strong. He'd be able to carry on without him.

 

Ed let out a sob and said, “Sir, I'm not... I... I'm so sorry...”

 

“They're on their way,” a deeper male voice said, but Roy ignored it. What he did notice was the smell of cigarette smoke in the air. This had to be Ed because of that damned habit he'd picked up...

 

His body felt heavy and suddenly he couldn't keep his hand up any longer. It dropped into Ed's lap, but he didn't really feel it. He didn't feel anything. The world was going dark, but at least he'd gotten to see Ed one last time.

 

I lied, he thought to Maes. As he stared up into Ed's crying face.

 

“I lied...” he said again, this time out loud. “I'm sorry; I should have told you before.” It was hard to talk and darkness threatened to overtake him at any moment.

 

“No...” Ed's blurry figure sobbed and Roy vaguely noticed another blurry figure behind him.

 

Roy blinked again and again, trying to stay awake long enough to tell Ed the truth, to tell him what he hadn't even been able to admit to himself.

 

“I love you, Ed...” he whispered, then everything went black.

 

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1 - I have no idea if this is a big lake or what, so I've decided to make it a big lake for this story. Haha

 

2 - Not an FMA character.

 

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Please don't hurt me...

 

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