Fullmetal Alchemist Fan Fiction ❯ Hagane no Renkinjutsushi - Summarized ❯ Episode 11 - Sareki no Daichi Zenpen ( Chapter 11 )
[ T - Teen: Not suitable for readers under 13 ]
By: Kinslayer 
Anime/Manga: Fullmetal Alchemist Fan Fiction | Genre(s): Comedy | Type: One Shot | Uploaded On: 03.15.2005 | Updated On: 04.20.2005 | Pages: 3 | Words: 1.8K | Visits: 884 | Status: Completed
Anime/Manga: Fullmetal Alchemist Fan Fiction | Genre(s): Comedy | Type: One Shot | Uploaded On: 03.15.2005 | Updated On: 04.20.2005 | Pages: 3 | Words: 1.8K | Visits: 884 | Status: Completed
Alphonse: I should go ahead and get these cabbage-lines about Xenotime out of the way first thing ...
Edward: What a coincidence, I have some too ... because neither you nor the audience can be trusted to figure out for yourselves why a town that was once wealthy with gold and isn't anymore might want a Philosopher's Stone.
Alphonse: Actually, I can't figure that one out. If transmuting things into gold is illegal, it must be possible for an alchemist without a Philosopher's Stone to do. What the hell do they need a magic rock for then? All they need is a decent garden-variety alchemist.
Edward: The third forbidden use of alchemy is to attempt to transmute a plot device into logic. Look, a convenient, non-fatal accident that I can easily resolve! It's a good thing it didn't happen five minutes from now, when we would have been out of earshot, or in such a way that the little girl's legs or lungs were crushed.
Elisa's Father: Random passers-by! I shall appeal to them for help, just in case one of them happens to be Hercules or an alchemist.
Elisa: Quick, get a close-up of my ass!
Edward: This is my sun-setting-behind-my-back pose.
*Opening credits*
*Title Card : Gravel Earth - Part One*
Elisa's Father: I didn't know we had an alchemist in town!
Random Guy: What about the alchemists up at Magwar's place?
Elisa's Father: Ummm ...
Vercio: I have bizarre hair. That means I will be a known character in this episode.
Elisa: I defy you, Dad! *cough cough*
Edward: She's coughing. Nobody ever does that! That must be PLOT RELATED! Holy shit, he left lemons on the table ...
Audience: LEMON?? WHERE??
Elisa: I have some totally random things to say that appear to have no relevance to anything.
Crowd: While we have exposition! And we're not at all shy about mentioning the magic rock and our plans to do illegal things with it in front of outsiders. There's no chance that one of them might be a State Alchemist after all. We won't even worry about what they might report about our illegal designs even after they identify themselves as Edward and Alphonse Elric, and we throw them both out on their asses.
*at Magwar's mansion*
Edward: I knew that detective's being-sneaky pose would come in handy! Those patrolling guards didn't notice us at all.
Alphonse: I think you need to get your ass a little higher in the air if you really want to duplicate his, though.
Edward: ... What exactly are you implying here?
Alphonse!Fletcher: That blue glow!
Edward!Russell: Naturally we should check this out for ourselves instead of sending for the guards.
Edward: Lucky for us that their library is on the ground floor, and precisely where we decided to break in.
Edward!Russell: This is a restricted area.
Edward: No shit, Sherlock, why the hell do you think we sneaked in through the wall?
Edward!Russell: So, the little brother wears armor? He doesn't look 14 at all.
Alphonse: Did they do research on us??
Edward: Apparently not very much, since he doesn't know that I'm chibi, that you "wear" armor, and that I can transmute without an array.
Edward!Russell: Ahh, I confess. My research consisted of reading your biographies in Who's Who of East City.
Edward: I wish you'd stayed back in the doorway. It wasn't so obvious that I'm only as high as your collarbone when you were farther away. Not that I'm sensitive about it!
Edward!Russell: Automail, eh?
Edward: My biography didn't mention that, did it? Did it mention that I'm flexible enough to spread my legs 180 degrees apart?
Edward!Russell: ...
Edward: Take note, unlike every other injury I sustain in this series, this one relatively insignificant punch to the cheek, that you might even not notice if you're not paying attention, will later swell up. I tell you to take note now, so that you're not confused later.
Guards: What was that noise?
Edward: Guess it's time to let ourselves get run off by a pack of mundanes.
Alphonse: Good. This library is starting to look vaguely obscene anyway.
*outside*
Edward: When I'm not angsting, I have no guilt issues with assaulting you, little brother.
*in the Tringham brothers' lab*
Russell: I can get so much information about this red water just by swirling it around in a flask. Oh, here's some exposition.
*at the red water fountain*
Magwar: Do I have a reason to be standing around staring at this stuff? Do I NEED a reason?
Lust: Hi there, everybody, remember me? Oh, and Magwar, that little scrap of material you're wearing over your nose and mouth makes a pretty ineffective-looking gas mask. Here, have a threat.
Magwar: You do a lot of threatening, and not very much seducing. You should be named Threat instead of Lust.
Lust: Shut up, Threat isn't a deadly sin. Besides, I'm sure the two of us will end up in bed together in a fanfic someday.
*commercial break*
Alphonse: I'm glad my body is useful to you, Nii-san.
Edward: Shit, when you say things like that, you only encourage the Elricest shippers.
Alphonse: Sure, and you're innocent, pressing your face against my thigh! It's not even the most convenient part of me, unless you're going to claim extreme shortness.
Edward: I hear a noise, and this huge bruise on my face instantly vanishes.
Vercio: You're going to miss the plot if you hang around out here, come to my house.
*at Vercio's house*
Alphonse: You believe that we're the Elrics, right?
Vercio: Nope. Because for Edward to haul out his silver pocketwatch to prove that he's a State Alchemist would be too much trouble.
*the next morning*
Edward: Although I could have swiped the blanket that Alphonse is wrapped up in, I prefer to sleep in this adorable kitten pose in my jacket and boots.
Elisa: Here I am to pull you further into the plot. My dad told me to stay way from Vercio, but if I did that, we'd have to find a different way to separate the two of you.
Edward: I feel I must insert an otherwise-random reference to child molestation. Besides, to try to create gold with a magic rock is ...
Alphonse: Nii-san! Show some consideration for the child's feelings!
Edward: What? What about my feelings!? I'm a State Alchemist, and you people expect me to just stand around and let you talk about illegal shit and look the other way! Do I look like a mafia lawyer? This is my job!
*in town*
Alphonse!Fletcher: I have no real reason to be in town.
Alphonse: That's okay, I have no real reason to be in town either. Let's talk, o-toto to o-toto.
Alphonse!Fletcher: Sorry for lying. See, I'm much more reasonable than my older brother.
Alphonse: I'm much more reasonable than mine. We have so much in common! Including our seeming inability to stand up to our siblings.
Alphonse!Fletcher: I have some touching exposition to give.
Alphonse: Someone want to tell me what the hell that gantry tower is for? It looks like something out of Final Fantasy VII. I half expect a dolphin to come throw me up onto it.
Edward!Russell: Time to assert that I'm the dominant sibling.
Edward: Same here.
*in the Tringham brothers' lab*
Edward!Russell: I've graduated from swirling red water around in a flask to peering at tiny flecks of incomplete magic rock under a microscope.
Alphonse!Fletcher: I have no self-esteem.
*at Magwar's place*
Edward: NOBODY will notice this huge flash of transmutation light!
Alphonse: No, Nii-san, I'm not staring at your ass ...
Edward: Don't ask what I'm doing with all the dirt I'm transmuting to create this hole. Please. Really, I mean it, don't ask. Wow, an underground passage filled with an evil red mist! Let's linger around and feed exposition about the red water to the audience awhile. This red mist couldn't possibly be dangerous.
Alphonse: After all, you know practically everything there is to know about this red water except that it's toxic as hell.
Edward: That's a minor detail. Besides, I'm attractive when unconscious.
Alphonse!Fletcher: I still have no self-esteem.
Alphonse: You could get up out of my lap now, Nii-san.
Edward: Yeah ... I could ... I'd rather wait until Fletcher is done talking though ...
Edward!Russell: Time to interrupt!
Edward: Is that a magic rock in your pocket, or are you just happy to see me?
Edward!Russell: Look! Lamp to sword!
Edward: That's better than chisel to sword ... But not as good as automail!
Edward!Russell: That's okay, with a magic rock, I can transform a steel door into a flexible hose.
Edward: This is starting to feel like a teenager one-ups-man-ship game ... Don't ask where I got all the steel out of my arm for this umbrella. Wait ... what the fuck!? An umbrella??? What were the writers thinking? Does this seem like the kind of thing I'd do?
Alphonse!Fletcher: Although Nii-san just said that if you get soaked in this stuff, you're doomed, for some reason I'm not doomed when I get soaked in it.
Edward!Russell: Probably for the same reason it only seems to produce deadly fumes when it's flowing through an underground tunnel and not, for instance, when it's laying in puddles on the floor.
Alphonse!Fletcher: Look, the red water suddenly gave me a backbone!
Edward!Russell: Damn these two-parters!
Edward: What a coincidence, I have some too ... because neither you nor the audience can be trusted to figure out for yourselves why a town that was once wealthy with gold and isn't anymore might want a Philosopher's Stone.
Alphonse: Actually, I can't figure that one out. If transmuting things into gold is illegal, it must be possible for an alchemist without a Philosopher's Stone to do. What the hell do they need a magic rock for then? All they need is a decent garden-variety alchemist.
Edward: The third forbidden use of alchemy is to attempt to transmute a plot device into logic. Look, a convenient, non-fatal accident that I can easily resolve! It's a good thing it didn't happen five minutes from now, when we would have been out of earshot, or in such a way that the little girl's legs or lungs were crushed.
Elisa's Father: Random passers-by! I shall appeal to them for help, just in case one of them happens to be Hercules or an alchemist.
Elisa: Quick, get a close-up of my ass!
Edward: This is my sun-setting-behind-my-back pose.
*Opening credits*
*Title Card : Gravel Earth - Part One*
Elisa's Father: I didn't know we had an alchemist in town!
Random Guy: What about the alchemists up at Magwar's place?
Elisa's Father: Ummm ...
Vercio: I have bizarre hair. That means I will be a known character in this episode.
Elisa: I defy you, Dad! *cough cough*
Edward: She's coughing. Nobody ever does that! That must be PLOT RELATED! Holy shit, he left lemons on the table ...
Audience: LEMON?? WHERE??
Elisa: I have some totally random things to say that appear to have no relevance to anything.
Crowd: While we have exposition! And we're not at all shy about mentioning the magic rock and our plans to do illegal things with it in front of outsiders. There's no chance that one of them might be a State Alchemist after all. We won't even worry about what they might report about our illegal designs even after they identify themselves as Edward and Alphonse Elric, and we throw them both out on their asses.
*at Magwar's mansion*
Edward: I knew that detective's being-sneaky pose would come in handy! Those patrolling guards didn't notice us at all.
Alphonse: I think you need to get your ass a little higher in the air if you really want to duplicate his, though.
Edward: ... What exactly are you implying here?
Alphonse!Fletcher: That blue glow!
Edward!Russell: Naturally we should check this out for ourselves instead of sending for the guards.
Edward: Lucky for us that their library is on the ground floor, and precisely where we decided to break in.
Edward!Russell: This is a restricted area.
Edward: No shit, Sherlock, why the hell do you think we sneaked in through the wall?
Edward!Russell: So, the little brother wears armor? He doesn't look 14 at all.
Alphonse: Did they do research on us??
Edward: Apparently not very much, since he doesn't know that I'm chibi, that you "wear" armor, and that I can transmute without an array.
Edward!Russell: Ahh, I confess. My research consisted of reading your biographies in Who's Who of East City.
Edward: I wish you'd stayed back in the doorway. It wasn't so obvious that I'm only as high as your collarbone when you were farther away. Not that I'm sensitive about it!
Edward!Russell: Automail, eh?
Edward: My biography didn't mention that, did it? Did it mention that I'm flexible enough to spread my legs 180 degrees apart?
Edward!Russell: ...
Edward: Take note, unlike every other injury I sustain in this series, this one relatively insignificant punch to the cheek, that you might even not notice if you're not paying attention, will later swell up. I tell you to take note now, so that you're not confused later.
Guards: What was that noise?
Edward: Guess it's time to let ourselves get run off by a pack of mundanes.
Alphonse: Good. This library is starting to look vaguely obscene anyway.
*outside*
Edward: When I'm not angsting, I have no guilt issues with assaulting you, little brother.
*in the Tringham brothers' lab*
Russell: I can get so much information about this red water just by swirling it around in a flask. Oh, here's some exposition.
*at the red water fountain*
Magwar: Do I have a reason to be standing around staring at this stuff? Do I NEED a reason?
Lust: Hi there, everybody, remember me? Oh, and Magwar, that little scrap of material you're wearing over your nose and mouth makes a pretty ineffective-looking gas mask. Here, have a threat.
Magwar: You do a lot of threatening, and not very much seducing. You should be named Threat instead of Lust.
Lust: Shut up, Threat isn't a deadly sin. Besides, I'm sure the two of us will end up in bed together in a fanfic someday.
*commercial break*
Alphonse: I'm glad my body is useful to you, Nii-san.
Edward: Shit, when you say things like that, you only encourage the Elricest shippers.
Alphonse: Sure, and you're innocent, pressing your face against my thigh! It's not even the most convenient part of me, unless you're going to claim extreme shortness.
Edward: I hear a noise, and this huge bruise on my face instantly vanishes.
Vercio: You're going to miss the plot if you hang around out here, come to my house.
*at Vercio's house*
Alphonse: You believe that we're the Elrics, right?
Vercio: Nope. Because for Edward to haul out his silver pocketwatch to prove that he's a State Alchemist would be too much trouble.
*the next morning*
Edward: Although I could have swiped the blanket that Alphonse is wrapped up in, I prefer to sleep in this adorable kitten pose in my jacket and boots.
Elisa: Here I am to pull you further into the plot. My dad told me to stay way from Vercio, but if I did that, we'd have to find a different way to separate the two of you.
Edward: I feel I must insert an otherwise-random reference to child molestation. Besides, to try to create gold with a magic rock is ...
Alphonse: Nii-san! Show some consideration for the child's feelings!
Edward: What? What about my feelings!? I'm a State Alchemist, and you people expect me to just stand around and let you talk about illegal shit and look the other way! Do I look like a mafia lawyer? This is my job!
*in town*
Alphonse!Fletcher: I have no real reason to be in town.
Alphonse: That's okay, I have no real reason to be in town either. Let's talk, o-toto to o-toto.
Alphonse!Fletcher: Sorry for lying. See, I'm much more reasonable than my older brother.
Alphonse: I'm much more reasonable than mine. We have so much in common! Including our seeming inability to stand up to our siblings.
Alphonse!Fletcher: I have some touching exposition to give.
Alphonse: Someone want to tell me what the hell that gantry tower is for? It looks like something out of Final Fantasy VII. I half expect a dolphin to come throw me up onto it.
Edward!Russell: Time to assert that I'm the dominant sibling.
Edward: Same here.
*in the Tringham brothers' lab*
Edward!Russell: I've graduated from swirling red water around in a flask to peering at tiny flecks of incomplete magic rock under a microscope.
Alphonse!Fletcher: I have no self-esteem.
*at Magwar's place*
Edward: NOBODY will notice this huge flash of transmutation light!
Alphonse: No, Nii-san, I'm not staring at your ass ...
Edward: Don't ask what I'm doing with all the dirt I'm transmuting to create this hole. Please. Really, I mean it, don't ask. Wow, an underground passage filled with an evil red mist! Let's linger around and feed exposition about the red water to the audience awhile. This red mist couldn't possibly be dangerous.
Alphonse: After all, you know practically everything there is to know about this red water except that it's toxic as hell.
Edward: That's a minor detail. Besides, I'm attractive when unconscious.
Alphonse!Fletcher: I still have no self-esteem.
Alphonse: You could get up out of my lap now, Nii-san.
Edward: Yeah ... I could ... I'd rather wait until Fletcher is done talking though ...
Edward!Russell: Time to interrupt!
Edward: Is that a magic rock in your pocket, or are you just happy to see me?
Edward!Russell: Look! Lamp to sword!
Edward: That's better than chisel to sword ... But not as good as automail!
Edward!Russell: That's okay, with a magic rock, I can transform a steel door into a flexible hose.
Edward: This is starting to feel like a teenager one-ups-man-ship game ... Don't ask where I got all the steel out of my arm for this umbrella. Wait ... what the fuck!? An umbrella??? What were the writers thinking? Does this seem like the kind of thing I'd do?
Alphonse!Fletcher: Although Nii-san just said that if you get soaked in this stuff, you're doomed, for some reason I'm not doomed when I get soaked in it.
Edward!Russell: Probably for the same reason it only seems to produce deadly fumes when it's flowing through an underground tunnel and not, for instance, when it's laying in puddles on the floor.
Alphonse!Fletcher: Look, the red water suddenly gave me a backbone!
Edward!Russell: Damn these two-parters!