Fullmetal Alchemist Fan Fiction ❯ Lonely Mornings ❯ Loose Talk, Loose Women, and Loose Ends ( Chapter 10 )

[ X - Adult: No readers under 18. Contains Graphic Adult Themes/Extreme violence. ]

Disclaimer: Fullmetal Alchemist and its attendant characters and settings were created by Hiromu Arakawa and are distributed by Square-Enix, Funimation and Viz.

Warning: Contains sexual situations and dialogue. Profanity Abounds.

Lonely Mornings
Chapter 10: Loose Talk, Loose Women, and Loose Ends
A Fullmetal Alchemist Fanfiction
by Anne Packrat

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Hawkeye leaned out of Mustang's office. "Havoc!" she called, "The colonel wants a word with you."

Havoc sighed and followed her into the office. Hawkeye closed the door after him.

Fuery, Falman and Breda watched this whole exchange. "Is Havoc in trouble?" Fuery asked.

"I dunno," Breda answered. A sudden idea caused him to pound his fist into his hand. "Hey, maybe they succeeded in their mission! I bet they found Havoc a girlfriend."

"I don't know," Falman said skeptically, "The colonel didn't seem all that serious about actually getting him one."

"Aw, com'n," Breda scolded, "You gotta have faith in the man. If anyone can do it, the colonel can!"

Falman's gaze wandered to the closed door. "Well, Havoc has been a lot more cheerful today."

"You see?" Breda said, elbowing the older man in the ribs, "Ol' Mustang came through!"

"Lieutenant Hawkeye has been a lot more cheerful today too," Fuery said happily.

The three men paused to consider this fact.

"Surely Mustang wouldn't have set up Hawkeye and Havoc would he?" Falman asked, his brow furrowing.

Breda shook his head. "I don't think so. I mean, I thought she and the colonel were sweet on each other."

Falman nodded. "Yes, there definitely is some sort of chemistry between Hawkeye and Mustang... But there is still the fact that both Havoc and Hawkeye are unusually high spirits today."

Fuery's features were scrunched up in concentration. "Maybe... Maybe Havoc is dating both Lieutenant Hawkeye AND the colonel?"

Again, the three men paused and digested this idea.

"I suppose I could see that as a definite possibility," Falman said carefully.

"It is kind of farfetched," Breda said slowly, "But I could see it working." He grinned suddenly. "A woman like Hawkeye could very well need more than one man to satisfy her."

Fuery blushed bright red, and Falman looked at the large man skeptically. "But Havoc and Mustang are not attracted to men."

Breda scratched his nose. "I dunno about that. I mean, I love the colonel like a brother but I've been hearing certain rumors about him being a turd burgler if you know what I mean..."

Fuery nodded earnestly. "And, and Sergeant Johnson in Internal Affairs is always slapping his butt!"

Falman considered. "Hmmm.... Well, I have heard those same rumors, Breda. And they are interesting to say the least. But what about Havoc? I never considered him to be a candidate for backdoor visitation, if you get my drift."

"Easy," Breda replied, "He got tired of all the shit he gets from women so he finally decides to become a butt pirate."

Slowly Falman nodded. "Yes, I could see him as a 'rear admiral' so to speak."

Fuery adjusted his glasses and said slowly, "Then perhaps the colonel and Havoc are the ones who are together...?"

Yet again the three men had to stop and think upon an idea.

"But that doesn't explain why Hawkeye is so happy," Breda finally said.

Fuery thought for a moment. "Maybe- maybe Havoc and the colonel let her watch while they....?"

Breda threw him a look of disgust. "Dude, that 's just sick. No way would they do that. You got a dirty mind, kid."

Fuery's face fell and he looked over to find Falman nodding in agreement. "You, my boy," Falman said, "Are quite the pervert."

Fuery blushed. He had an urge to say something about pots, kettles, and the color black but instead tried his best to disappear behind the desk.

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Havoc entered the colonel's office desperate to satisfy his burning curiosity. Had the plan worked? Certainly Hawkeye and the colonel seemed happier than normal, but you never could tell with those two. Both were superb actors, only letting through those emotions they wanted others to see.

Mustang looked up from his desk. "Ah, Havoc. Good to see you." Roy used his pen to point to the chair in front of him. "Have a seat."

As Havoc took the offered chair, Hawkeye circled around and took her customary position to the left and one step behind the colonel.

"So how are you today, Havoc?" Roy said turning his attention to the papers he was signing.

Frowning, Havoc said, "I'm fine, chief."

"Good, good," Roy answered still not looking up from his paperwork. "Did you get home okay last night?"

The blond second lieutenant was becoming frustrated. Why wouldn't Mustang just get to the point already? He fought down the sudden urge for a cigarette. "Er, yeah," he answered.

Mustang either didn't notice or didn't care about his subordinate's unease. "So you didn't get too wet then?"

Havoc couldn't take anymore useless small talk. The need to know was burning a hole in his brain. "Just fucking tell me already!" he yelled.

Mustang signed his final paper, stretched and leaned back in his chair. He gave his subordinate a puzzled look. "Tell you what?"

Havoc ground his teeth in frustration. Now he REALLY wanted a cigarette.

"Are you and Hawkeye together now or not?" he asked, his tone full of frustration.

Mustang didn't answer. Out of the corner of his eye, Havoc saw Riza's body stiffen. Then he noticed that he could only see one of Roy's hands. Havoc's face broke out in a slow smile that was mirrored on Roy's.

"Roy....." Riza hissed dangerously.

He didn't listen. Instead Roy drew back his hand and gave her butt a light smack.

Right after that Riza gave him a smack in the head. But this one wasn't light.

"Ow...." Roy muttered while rubbing his head. The classic smirk had appeared on his face. "That answer your question, Jean?"

Havoc grinned and reached into his pocket for a cigarette. He couldn't smoke in the office, (Riza would enforce this by shooting any cigarette he tried to light up out of his lips) but he still liked to have them in his mouth. "Sure does, chief," he answered, "If you had tried a stunt like that before you'd be full of bullet holes now."

Riza looked back and forth between them. There was a look of disgust on her face. "Maybe I should just shoot you both right now."

"Aw, com'n, Riza," Roy whined, "Can't a guy have a little fun with his girlfriend?"

"Not when getting caught with that girlfriend is likely to get them both court-martialed!" Riza snarled.

Roy waved her concern off. "Havoc's not going to go blabbing to anyone, aren't you?"

Jean shook his head. "You kidding? I've been waiting for you two to get together forever now. No way am I going to mess this up."

"Thank you for that," Riza said, her anger of before abating just a little.

His face taking on a serious cast, Roy said, "I thank you too. But is there anything we can do for you in return? Do you want me to set you up with someone? You know, really try to get you a girlfriend?"

"No need, chief," Havoc said while putting his hands behind his head and leaning back in the chair, "Already got one."

Roy's jaw dropped and even Riza looked shocked. "You, Mr. Hopeless-with-Women, have a girlfriend?" Roy asked incredulous.

Havoc frowned. "Is it that hard to believe that I have a girlfriend?"

Roy nodded and Riza soon joined him.

Havoc rolled his eyes. "Give me a break, jeez. Yeah, I'm not kidding. I really got a girlfriend. We've been dating for three weeks now." He suddenly smiled. "She's a sweet, smart little thing with a butt that you want to just-"

Riza coughed. "I think that's a bit too much information, Jean."

"Not for me it isn't!" Roy said earnestly, "I want to hear about her butt, her legs, her breasts-"

He was interrupted by Riza smacking him in the head again. To Havoc she asked, "Do we know her, Jean?"

He nodded. "Yeah, I think so. She used to work in Investigations, but now she works in Records."

Roy's brow scrunched as he thought. "Wait that sounds like, er, someone..."

Riza was quicker on the uptake. She smiled. "So you're dating Sciezka? Is that why you were reading that book on poetry?"

Havoc rubbed the back of his neck then nodded. "Yeah. She loves Wordsworth, so I wanted to learn more about his work so I could understand her a bit better."

"You must be really serious about her to go through all that trouble," Roy said. He looked up at the woman next to him. "Though I know the feeling."

Clasping his hands in front of him, and leaning forward, Havoc explained, "It's so weird, you know? I never thought I'd end up with a girl like her. But she challenges me in a way I never have been before. And the stuff she knows! I never get bored talking to her."

Roy waggled his eyebrows. "Just what kind of stuff does she know?" Riza rolled her eyes.

Havoc grinned. "Let's just say that all that research does a body good. Whether it's hers or mine." His face grew serious. "I never realized just how alone I really was until I met her though. Before I'd go through my life without anyone to share things with, to tell things too. I used to wake up every morning to an empty bed, thinking I was the loneliest person on earth."

"I understand perfectly," both Roy and Riza said in unison. They looked at each other in surprise then each broke into a smile. Roy reached over and took her hand in his.

Jean rearranged the cigarette in his mouth, his grin never leaving his face. Seeing his two friends together was quite satisfying. "Yeah Shess told me she used to feel that way too. That's why she decided to help with my plan."

Riza frowned. "Your plan...?"

Havoc nodded, his face once again taking a serious cast. "Yeah, my plan. To get the two loneliest people in the whole goddamn military together." As he spoke, his gaze moved to encompass both his superior officers. "Of course, it also helped that they have feelings for each other but were too damn stubborn to admit them."

Roy and Riza both flushed pink at his implication. What the second lieutenant said was true, but it didn't make it any easier to hear.

Riza coughed lightly to cover her embarrassment. Roy just looked confused. "Is that why you suggested the fake mission as a way to get Riza alone with me?"

Havoc nodded. "Yeah, chief, though the actual mission bit was Sciezka's idea."

"While I didn't appreciate being set up, Jean," Riza said, "I suppose it did turn out all right in the end." She squeezed Roy's hand and he did the same in return.

Roy scratched his nose with his free hand. "Okay, I just have one more question, Havoc."

"Shoot."

The smirk returned. "What the hell happened to get you banned from the Prostitutes Union?"

All color drained from Havoc's face. "You- you know about that?"

Roy nodded. "Yep, Riza told us all about it. She said you spilled drinks on their laps or something?"

Havoc swallowed and looked up at his first lieutenant. She stared back at him placidly. "Er, kind of. I accidently spilled a drink in the lap of the first one. And she was nice about it, and actually talked to me, so I kinda figured well if it worked once, it might work twice more..."

Roy groaned and put his hand over his face. "God, you really are clueless when it comes to women."

Havoc shrugged. "Hey, it seemed like a good idea at the time. I mean, yeah, I'd have to pay for dry cleaning bills, but they'd have to give me their number so I could get them the money, right?" His voice grew agitated at the memory. "I never thought they'd actually charge me for 'services rendered' and expect me to pay their hourly rates!"

Riza shook her head. "Jean, that is one of the stupidest things I've ever heard. And I've been working for him," she pointed at the man next to her, "for ten years now, so I know stupid."

"Hey..." Roy said pouting. The lieutenants ignored him.

"Yeah, well, what can I say, I was desperate and drunk," Havoc explained, "And that's never a good combination." He suddenly smiled and his mood lightened. "It did work out in a way though. I met Sciezka while doing research in the library for my defense. I didn't understand a lot of it, and she patiently explained it all to me. After that we kind of just hit it off."

Eyes soft, and a smile touching her lips, Riza said, "You seem to really care for her. I'm glad you found someone to be with, Jean."

Havoc blushed and looked at the floor. "Thanks, Riza," he mumbled. Then he frowned and looked back up to her, his eyes filled with confusion. "What I don't understand though, is how you knew about the whole thing with the Hookers Union to begin with. The judge ordered the court records sealed, and there was never anything in the papers about it."

Riza shrugged. "My friend Mitzi is the League's Treasurer. She reports to me any cases or information she thinks I'll find useful."

Roy's jaw dropped. Havoc wasn't looking much better. "You're friends with a prostitute?" he said in shock.

She nodded. "Yes. Mitzi's a nice girl, and is an excellent source of information. Men will often tell prostitutes things they wouldn't tell their own wives."

The colonel considered this. "What kind of information are you trying to get?"

Riza frowned. "Why information on threats to you, of course. Though lately I've also been compiling a list of tidbits that can be used for blackmail against your enemies."

For the second time in less than a minute, Roy was completely stunned. She was collecting potential blackmail material for him? "Why?"

She sighed and turned his chair so he could look at her. "Because when I said I would do whatever I could to help you reach the top I was serious. I'm merely keeping this list as insurance. I hope I never have to use it. Roy, you should know by now that I'd do anything I possibly can to keep you safe."

Roy was shocked and in an odd way touched by the depths of her loyalty to him. She'd even be willing to break the law for him. Well, of course, they were breaking military law by getting together in the first place, but that was different. For that she'd lose her career, but the crime of blackmail could come at the cost of her freedom, or maybe even her life.

"So what," Havoc said, chewing on his cigarette worriedly, "Did your friend give you that information so you could blackmail me?"

Riza shook her head. "Not at all. She knew I worked with you and thought I'd get a kick out of it." She grinned. "And I did. I remember that I didn't stop laughing for at least a half hour after I read it."

Havoc rolled his eyes. "Proud to serve, ma'am," he said without a trace of humor.

"Hey, Riza," Roy said, tapping his fingers on his cheek in thought, "This friend of yours is she hot?"

She shot him a suspicious glare. "I guess so. Why?"

Oh god, the smirk was back. "Think she'd be up for a threesome?"

This earned another head smack from Riza. (She really would have to find a better way to quiet him. Hitting him in his cranium didn't seem to do anything at all. "Probably because he's so thick-headed," she thought ruefully.)

"I really wish you'd quit doing that," Roy said, rubbing the bump on his noggin.

"Shut up, Roy! You are such a pervert!" she said, seething, "See if I make you breakfast ever again."

Havoc's glanced back and forth between them both, finally settling on Riza. "You made him breakfast? What exactly did you two get up to last night?"

Riza's cheeks gained a touch of pink, but she met Havoc's gaze. "Nothing you need to know about."

Roy smirked. "We fucked like weasels."

Havoc's eyebrows shot up and he whistled. "Wow. You guys move fast. I guess it's to be expected with you, chief, but Hawkeye, man you must have been real horny to-" He stopped suddenly when he found a gun barrel shoved in his face.

"You will drop that line of thought right now," Riza said, her voice filled with ice.

Havoc chuckled and held up his hands. "All right, lieutenant. Not another word about it from me."

Behind her, she heard her boyfriend snickering, and moved the firearm to point at him instead. "I don't want to hear you talking about it either, Mustang."

"Oh, get off it, Riza," Roy said, unconcerned by her threat or the gun, "You and I both know that you won't shoot me."

She sighed and allowed the gun to point to the floor. "I suppose you're right." She smiled then, "But now I have a much greater weapon to use against you."

Roy quirked an eyebrow. "Oh? What's that?"

Her smile widened into a devious grin, and somehow the look of it made Roy especially nervous. "Do as I say, Roy," she told him, her voice light in tone but backed with a hint of menace, "Or 'Mr. Happy' gets no attention for a week."

Roy's face fell. "Hey, com'n, that's not fair...." Havoc sniggered and Riza stood firm. "Fine, fine," Roy relented, "You win. No talking about our sex life with Havoc."

"Or anyone else," Riza prompted.

Roy sighed. "Or anyone else."

"Good." She moved out to the front of Roy's desk and faced Havoc. "If you'll excuse me, I have some filing to do down the hall. But first..."

Quick as lighting she picked up Havoc by the collar and lifted him several feet in the air until his eyes met hers. Her eyes flashed and she growled at him as she spoke.

"If you ever, EVER talk about my bra size again, then you will no longer have anything down there to measure, Mr. Second Place." She let him go and he dropped unceremoniously back into the chair. Then she picked some reports up, saluted the colonel and left.

Roy watched her go with an expression of amusement. Havoc's was a look of horror. "God, she's scary! I think I almost pissed my pants! And Mr. Second Place? What was that about?" Havoc said hoarsely.

Then he remembered a day when Hawkeye was off, and they were all sitting around the office bored. Then Breda announced he had a tape measure....

His head turned sharply and he glared at Roy. "You told her about that?"

Roy shrugged. "You try keeping secrets from the woman."

Grinning and shaking his head Havoc said, "Only a day and she's already got you completely whipped."

"Havoc," Roy said wryly, "She's had me whipped for years."

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Later that evening Central Headquarters lay quiet and empty, the soldiers almost all having departed for the day.

Sciezka had not left, and indeed had been working more overtime in the Records department. Havoc had waited around for her to finish, and now they were going to a late dinner. The couple was so engrossed in their conversation that they didn't notice the figure purposely walking towards them, until she was right in front of them. They stopped and stared at her in shock.

"Lieutenant!"
"Hawkeye!"

Riza looked back and forth making sure the hallway was clear. Then she pulled both Havoc and Sciezka into a quick hug.

"Thank you," she murmured.

Then she hurriedly straightened, saluted, then turned on her heel and strode back down the hall, leaving two surprised people in her wake.

Bemused, Sciezka pushed her glasses back up the bridge of her nose. "I take it our plan worked then?"

Grinning, Havoc nodded. Then he pumped his fist in the air and gave a victory sign. "'Operation Fireboy and Ice Queen Combine' was a total success!"

Sciezka sighed and put her hand on his outstretched arm. "Jean-honey?"

"Yeah, babe?" Jean said, looking down at her, not breaking his pose.

"Let me pick the names from now on okay?"

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Author's Indulgence

Well, this was quite fun. Probably the longest piece of fanfiction I've ever written. Writing Roy's little gang is quite enjoyable. And, hey, Havoc got a girlfriend before Roy did! Go Havoc!

I hope I didn't offend anyone with the gay euphemisms in the first scene. It was solely for fun, and doesn't reflect my views at all. Though I will admit that the term "turd burglar" makes me giggle. But hey it could have been worse. I could have used "sperm burper."

Epilogue will be up in a bit.

As stated before there will be a sequel coming up with plenty of Roy / Riza and some Ed / Winry. There will be Smut, but only on the part of Roy and Riza. The teens will have to just be satisfied with fluffiness. Tentative title for the sequel is "Pay It Forward".

I am also considering writing a oneshot prequel, where Roy realizes just how he feels about Riza. It will be silly.

Thanks for sticking through all this, guys. I greatly appreciate it. If you like my writing then keep checking as there will be one-shots and more Special Missions coming, but not for a bit as I have Colossalcon in a few weeks and that means cosplay stuff gets my attention first.

Thanks to the creators and crew of the FMA manga and anime.
Thanks to my husband who still makes fun of my damn lemons.
Thanks to people who send feedback or review. I greatly appreciate it.

And....

Thanks to you for reading.

Next time - Epilogue:

Some very special paperwork, and the Author brings back an old trick.

---Anne Packrat (May 19, 2006)