Fullmetal Alchemist Fan Fiction ❯ My Dream ❯ Thoughts of Doubt ( Chapter 4 )

[ Y - Young Adult: Not suitable for readers under 16 ]

MY DREAM
A FullMetal Alchemist Fanfic

Written by Miyu, Vampire Princess


CHALLENGE: "I have an allergy" and other lame excuses: have one character make up a lame excuse.

AUTHOR'S NOTES: Angst abounds as Edward pawns a lame excuse to delay the inevitable. This part is told from Edward's point of view. No real spoilers, as this is an "alternative" look at the end of the series (yes, I've finally seen the end of the show). A Standard Disclaimer follows the piece.


Part Four - Thoughts of Doubt


"We'll need some vegetables...over there.... And bread. This stuff is stale! Check the dates before you pick up a loaf. Nothing more than a week old. Dairy...is all the way in the back. That can wait."

Remind me again WHY I agreed to help out?

"That box there...put it in the cart. We'll need a jar of this...and one of those. And one of those! Oh, can you pick up that container there?"

Oh yes. I did it to get away from Winry.

"Not that one, idiot. The other one!"

But I think I was stuck with the devil herself.

And she must've seen the exasperated look I gave her.

POKE!

"You're the one who wanted to help. So be useful now and grab that sack of potatoes!"

Oh man!

Admittedly, the grocery run was better than being at the house. Winry still wouldn't talk to me. And no, a whispered "morning" or muttered "thanks" didn't count!

I wondered if she even noticed I wasn't there to bring her morning meal?

I really wished she'd talk to me. I wanted to know how she was feeling, even in those times when I wasn't around. Especially those feelings!

From what I could gather from the old woman, she'd suffered quite a bit. Bad enough she looked like skin and bones -- she was skinny enough when I left last -- but she also went through periods of depression, even stopped working with automail.

It's all my fault. I knew that. Her silent treatment was punishment for leaving her behind. Her hatred was punishment for the years of loneliness she suffered. I would suffer any punishment if it meant helping her become the person she once was.

But....

Did I have to stop loving her, too?

"Edward! Watch where you're going, boy!"

"Yes, ma'am. Sorry."

Excuses like today's will only keep me from her for a little while. During those times when it hurts ME to see HER. The pain that squeezed my heart until it threatened to pop was heavier than the lameness of my excuse.

"I need some chocolate."

More like I needed space.

Yet even this trip had me drowning in thought!

I had no desire to be without her ever again. This was a fact and my main reason for coming home. The possibility she'd wait was so small, but my hope for a brighter future drowned out the horrible nagging doubt. Even if she had moved on, I would have been happy. Sure, the heartache would be a pain, but she'd be happy and I could live with that.

But now...knowing what she's been through...would she want me to stay?

Should I stay?

I don't want to hurt her any more than I already have.

Al thinks it would be for the best to stay put. No sense in traveling anymore. Perhaps he's right. Even if my arm and leg were still mechanical, I was at peace with myself.

"It's time to settle down, brother. I think you should."

I'm sure the old hag would be delight in more of this excruciating torture if I did stay. And then there's the matter of rebuilding the house. Al and I agreed it would be a great project. Make it a home again, for both of us.

Lately, though, the heart wanders as much as my mind. Maybe I'm not ready for the future, for her. Maybe there's still something else I need to pursue before we can be together.

Maybe we'll never be together.

Maybe I would leave. Come back in a few months. She'd be healed by then. I could have another mechanic work on my limbs if need be. General Mustang invited me to Central Command not too long ago. Another trip may be in order.

Just before dawn would be a good time to sneak out of the house....

"Edward?"

"Hmm.... Yeah?"

WHACK!

"Hey! That hurt!"

"Not as badly as she does."

"Wha--?" Her voice was so low that I had to struggle to hear. But the words sink in, and my angry frown turned sad. "Oh."

"When are you going to stop making excuses?"

"I'm not...."

"You are, and it needs to stop." She sighed. "You've grown up a lot Edward. Your mother would be proud of you. _I_ am proud of you. But you can't avoid the future forever."

"What are you talk--?!"

"Shut up and listen! Growing up means making choices--"

"I know that!"

WHACK!

"Ow!"

"Growing up means making choices." She paused, waiting for me to yell again. I acquiesced, still rubbing the back of my head. "Sometimes we think we need to wait for the right moment. Granted, there are things we feel we need before we can move on. But there is no real 'right moment'. HA! What rubbish!"

"What are you saying...exactly?"

"Chase your dream Ed. Head towards the future, not backward. Don't wait forever."

Somberly, my brain processed her lecture. It took awhile. Lectures have always been horrible learning experiences for me. But I got the gist. She was right, too. I would have cursed aloud if I had not been drawn deeper into thought.

I was making excuses. Fooling myself. I was scared. Scared shitless! Sure as hell I was not admitting it, though!

I didn't have to. The look on the old woman's face spoke volumes. With another sigh, I cave -- physically and emotionally. I love her! She's my everything, my dream...but....

"Is she really my future?"

With a smile she turned and left me standing in the aisle like an idiot.

"Only one way to find out."

I gawked, but only for a moment. As a smile spread across my face, I started to follow, jogging to catch up. Again, grandma was correct. There was only one to find out if I had a future...if WE had a future. There was just one problem.

I'd never asked a woman out before.

What the hell do I say?!


~TO BE CONTINUED~

DISCLAIMER:
I do not own FullMetal Alchemist or the characters contained in this story. That honor goes to Hiromu Arakawa. You rock! I'm merely borrowing the characters for my ebil, hentai-minded purposes. Since I'm not making any money from this, you will not get any if you sue. I'm only having some fun. Truly I am! ^_^