Fullmetal Alchemist Fan Fiction ❯ Training Edward Elric ❯ Just Pretend ( Chapter 9 )

Happy Birthday Lina!!

 

 

Training Edward Elric

 

Chapter Nine

 

Just Pretend

 

 

The knocking on the door immediately brought Ed into awareness. He quickly sat up and looked around. Mustang was motioning a young man into the room, who, as Ed had expected, was dressed in loose white pants and shirt with a band of black around the sleeve.

 

Mustang sat on the end of the bed and allowed the man to bring out the tray-table and set the tray full of food onto it. With a bow, the man quietly let himself out of the room and then they were alone again.

 

Ed's mouth was already watering at the mere thought of the food, but as the aroma hit his senses, he had to keep swallowing so that he didn't start drooling. His stomach growled loudly, and his body shook slightly with the sheer need to eat something. He felt more than a little weak, and let his body slump as he wearily watched Mustang look over his breakfast.

 

What's more important? Ed desperately thought to himself. My pride or getting through this? He didn't understand what all this torture was about. If it was a part of the training, then where did it fit in? Was it to make him more humble and teachable? If so, it was a shitty way of going about it.

 

He tapped his fingers against the floor in thought. He really wanted some of that food, but he also despised the thought of calling Mustang `master', or saying the litany, or any of the other insane things that were being required of him.

 

A small amount of drool leaked from the corner of his mouth, and Ed quickly wiped it away. He could always just tell Mustang what he wanted to hear... I don't have to mean it. I don't have to mean it. I don't have to mean it, Ed told himself over and over again. He was going to give in. He knew it and he hated himself for it, but what else could he do? Mustang obviously wasn't going to give in to him...

 

Ed watched longingly as Mustang slowly ate a large, succulent, red strawberry. The way the man's teeth sunk slowly into the moist and juicy fruit... the way a small amount of light pink liquid dribbled down from his mouth so that he had to wipe it away... the way Mustang made that `mmm' sound... Ed's mouth salivated even more and suddenly he couldn't take it any more. Clearing his throat, he said quietly, “I would like some breakfast...” He watched as Mustang paused in his eating, but didn't look up at him. As politely as he could, Ed added, “Please?”

 

Still not looking at him, Mustang ate another berry, this one a fat, juicy blackberry, and Ed began to panic. He'd been polite! Why wasn't he being acknowledged?! Was Mustang just going to eat all of the food before recognizing that he'd spoken? The colonel wasn't like that? Was he? A small whine escaped him.

 

Then it dawned on him and Ed wanted to scream in dismay. Of course... Mustang wanted to be called `master'. Fury and frustration clawed at him. Fuck him! Ed seethed angrily. He didn't want to do that... yet the prospect of going without another meal made him quickly push the anger aside. He couldn't keep his pride and live, and dying wasn't an option.

 

“Master...?” It came out in more of a whimper than anything else, and Ed wanted to die from humiliation, but when Mustang looked up at him, Ed thought he would cry from happiness. “Can I please have some breakfast?” Ed asked quietly.

 

Give me your foooooood, Ed thought hungrily and gave Mustang a pleading look.

 

He wondered if he was going to get some smartass remark from the man, after all Mustang liked to be a smart-ass, right? But of course, Mustang hadn't been like that since they'd left Central... Mustang simply nodded and said, “You need to say the litany first.”

 

Litany!? Mother fucker... Ed cursed mentally. Maybe Mustang liked torturing him like this... Maybe... but... Ed's breathing quickened into a small, quick pant as he tried to work things out in his mind. No... Mustang didn't like treating him like this, did he? Memories of the past few days flashed through his mind, but only briefly.

 

Food.

 

He needed food and it was more important than theories or speculations, and right now, it was more important than his pride. He had to think for a few moments to remember all of the words to the litany, but when he did, Ed recited it slowly, careful not to say anything wrong.

 

“When my master is happy, I am happy. When my master is sad, I am sad. Without my master, my life is nothing, so I will serve him loyally. My master is my only joy. He will care for me as long as I am loyal. My master has the right to punish me if I ever disobey or displease him. Whatever my master commands me to do, I will do. If my master tells me to... kill...” he stumbled over the word, almost choking it out. “I will kill.” No, I won't, Ed thought. I'll never do it... “No matter who it is. My master's word is law, and I will obey him and only him.” Ed hated the litany; hated saying it. Each time he did it was as if the words echoed in his mind and he couldn't stop thinking about them.

 

When he was finished, Mustang nodded in approval, got up, and walked over to the cage. Crouching, Mustang said kindly, “Would you like to come out of your cage for breakfast?”

 

“I don't care. Just feed me!” Ed snapped harshly. When he saw the look of disapproval on Mustang's face, he cleared his throat and said in a more respectful tone, “Whichever you think would be best.” And quickest, he thought.

 

Mustang stared at him for several moments before saying, “I don't think you've earned the right to eat out of your cage.”

 

Fine, just feed me! Ed thought desperately, watching as Mustang got up and moved out of sight for a moment. Ed glanced at the tray in confusion. Wasn't he going to get some of that? What was going on? He could hear what sounded like a package being opened, then Mustang reappeared and slid something in between the bars of the cage before walking back to sit on the bed.

 

Ed stared in disbelief at the small container that was sitting on the floor in front of him. Picking it up, Ed eyed it more closely with a deep frown. It was the prepackaged military rations that were sent out with the soldiers when they went to war. Not exactly appetizing, but supposedly they were fortified with all the nutrients a person needed... Basically they kept you alive...

 

This particular `meal' contained chunks of meat and potatoes—or at least he guessed and hoped they were potatoes—in some sort of dark brown sauce that looked as if it had gelled up. Ed set the small container down on the floor and poked his finger in the cold, gel-like sauce before bringing it to his mouth.

 

His eyes instantly squeezed shut at the taste and texture. It wasn't exactly horrible—it was almost too salty to tell it had flavor—but then he was starving, so it probably tasted better than what it really was... Still, at that one taste his stomach growled more loudly than before. His hand shook slightly, both in eager anticipation and in anger.

 

Looking up, Ed snapped, “Why are you feeding me this shit? How come I don't get some of that?!” He knew this was probably the wrong thing to do, but it wasn't fair! “And how come I don't get a fork or spoon or something?! How the fuck am I supposed to eat this?”

 

As soon as the words were out of his mouth, Ed clutched the container tightly to his chest and quickly scooted to the back of the cage. The food might look like someone had taken a dump in the container, but it was food and he wasn't going to let Mustang take it away from him.

 

He eyed Mustang—who hadn't responded at all to his rant—then tipped the container over his mouth like a glass, but the sauce was much too thick and barely moved. Growling in frustration, Ed resigned himself that he was going to have to reach in with his fingers and pull the chunks out.

 

Making a face of disgust, Ed grabbed a piece of cold meat from the goo that passed for sauce and it made a small sucking sound as he pulled it out. Popping the meat chunk in his mouth, Ed chewed it quickly, trying not to notice the horrible texture of both the gelled sauce and the rubbery meat.

 

Ed glanced again to Mustang who was now taking a bite of a thick piece of crusty toast. He felt angry, but the thought that he had chosen this kept coming to his mind. No one had forced him into this. If anything, he had pushed Mustang into this...

 

He ate another piece, a potato this time, as his body urged him on. Maybe he would have gotten something better if he hadn't acted out... Maybe. Maybe not. He'd had the choice to eat in the cage or out. He hadn't had the choice of what he got to eat...

 

It's just not fair... Ed thought, then immediately wondered if that wasn't a false statement. It wasn't as if he had acted very nice since all of this had started, but... but...

 

But what?

 

Okay, so yeah, he'd had it rough over the past couple days, but would he have gotten the same treatment if he'd acted better or been more cooperative? Fuzzy memories of sleeping on Mustang's bed crept into his mind. It was after he'd finally given in a little. The colonel had been so kind and caring... Whenever Ed had acted how he was supposed to, Mustang had treated him really well, and never once had the man really seemed to enjoy having to punish him...

 

Ed suddenly realized there was no more food in the container... He scraped the sides and licked his finger before giving a small, involuntary whimper. That had probably been the most disgusting thing he'd ever eaten, yet he found himself wishing for just a little more...

 

Sucking lightly on his finger, Ed gave Mustang a sideways glance. During this whole time, Mustang had only responded to how Ed had acted toward him, but he didn't want to think of it that way. He wanted Mustang to be the bad guy! He wanted someone to blame that wasn't himself...

 

In a sudden fit of frustration and rage, Ed picked up the container and threw it toward Mustang. Unfortunately—or fortunately, since who knew what would have happened if he'd actually hit Mustang with it—the container was made of a flimsy and light material, so it didn't even make it as far as the bars before it clattered to the floor of the cage.

 

Why the hell hadn't he listened?! Why hadn't he just taken C-2 training to find out what this was all about?! Why was he always so quick and stubborn?! Was this even worth it? Why couldn't he just hate Mustang?! Why wouldn't his thoughts leave him alone and stop reminding him that he'd chosen this and that he really didn't have anyone else to blame but himself?!

 

Staying near the back of the cage, Ed lay down on his side so that his back was facing Mustang and huddled in on himself, not caring anymore that his ass was fully visible. It didn't matter anymore, not when the man had already seen him several times over. Modesty was a luxury that he didn't have anymore, so why pretend that he did?

 

Ed clenched his jaw tightly and made a fist. He didn't want to give in! Even though he knew it was for the best—because this was what he'd come for—it was still so hard... He wasn't anyone's slave, or pet, or whatever. He was a human being! He had value! He didn't deserve this!

 

His eyes stung and he squeezed them shut. He would not cry. He would figure this out... But there wasn't anyway to `figure it out' besides giving in and going along with letting Mustang be his `master' and him being `Eddie'. Escape wasn't an option. The compound was surrounded by an electric fence, and there was a good chance that he'd be caught before he got that far anyway... That was, if he could even get out of the damn cage he was stuck in now.

 

He could continue to fight, but what good would come out of it? Ed felt a lump form in his throat and swallowed hard. It was all so frustrating! But... but... what if he just went along with it all? What if he just pretended? He could do that, right? It's not like he'd really be giving in... It would seem like it to Mustang—the same way he hadn't meant it when he'd called the man `master' so that he could get some food—but inside it wouldn't be true.

 

Ed breathed in deeply and let himself relax. Yeah... he could do that. He could pretend. He'd trick Mustang, that's what he'd do. He'd fool everyone; and, after he got out of this place then he'd just laugh in their faces because he'd be C-5 and he'd be able to get the information he needed and he'd let them all know that they'd been swindled...

 

He mentally grabbed onto the idea like a drowning man holding to a piece of drift wood. The daydream of his triumph swirled in his mind; and after a while, the darkness consumed him and he was oblivious of his situation, at least for a short time.

 

;-;-;-;-;-;-;

 

He ate. It's about time, though I can't say that being fed war rations is really eating. I remember those. Had to be close to starving before I could stomach them. The rations are filled with so much salt to preserve the contents, and some vitamins are added for an amount of nutrition, but actually choking down the stuff...

 

Well, whatever. He ate, and that's what matters, though the look on his face when he saw what he was being fed nearly broke my heart. I don't think I've ever seen such a pitiful expression on Ed's face before.

 

Strike that. This is Eddie, not Ed. The past shouldn't matter...

 

BUT IT DOES, DAMMIT!

 

I don't know if I can do this. I can't stand seeing him look so pathetic! This would be different if it were someone I'd never known before, but it's not! Despite the shaved head, and the naked body, and no automail, it is still Ed. It's still Edward Elric that looks at me through those large golden eyes...

 

But it's not the Edward Elric that came to this facility with me.

 

The Edward Elric I see is the little boy he used to be, and he's silently begging to know why I'm doing this to him when he's already seen so much horror in his life. I want to pull him out of that damn cage and tell him that I'm sorry, that I don't want to hurt him, but I CAN'T!

 

All I can do is hope that he'll break sooner rather than later. I can only hope that one day it will be Eddie who looks at me through those eyes and not Edward, because even though it's only been a couple of days it feels as though it's been an eternity. Why can't we be done with this part of the training? It's a nightmare, and every moment weighs on me...

 

To think that we will probably be here for months... I can't imagine it. I know it will get better, but right now it's hell. At least he's asleep right now; it gives me a break. Maybe I'll try to get more sleep too... Yeah, that will be for the best, I think.

 

;-;-;-;-;-;-;

 

Ed yawned and rolled over onto his back before opening his eyes. He frowned. When had he fallen asleep? Sitting up, he stared dully at the side of the cage. It had bars, but just beyond the bars was a wall of metal. It was the same on the other side and on the back. Only the front of the cage was open in a way that he could see through the bars to the room beyond. It was nothing new; that's how it had always been, but for some reason it attracted his interest for the moment.

 

He turned and looked out of the front of the cage, trying to ignore how closed in he was. His eyes fell on the bed and he saw that Mustang was lying there, most likely asleep. While normally he'd be happy to have some time where he wasn't being watched, right now it presented a bit of a problem for him, as he really needed to use the bathroom, and Mustang was the only one who could let him out.

 

The thought of pissing in the back of the cage again disgusted him. Why should he be so stubborn if he was going to pretend to go along with this whole thing? Sliding to the front of the cage, Ed grabbed onto one of the bars, then pulled himself up to stand on his leg. He had a much better view standing than he did sitting, and while Mustang was lying down, Ed didn't think he was actually asleep.

 

Should he simply call out to him, Ed wondered. Or maybe it would be better if he waited... only, Ed wasn't sure that he'd be able to wait too much longer... Tapping his fingers silently on the bar, Ed thought about it for a moment, then decided to risk it. Better that, than the alternative.

 

Clearing his throat, Ed said, “Um...” He hoped that would be enough to get Mustang's attention, but the man didn't move. Frowning, Ed thought about it for a moment, then resigned himself to what he was about to say.

 

“Master...” He cringed inside at having to say it, but it did the trick. Sitting up, Mustang looked tiredly at him, but said nothing. He didn't have to. Ed knew he had his attention. In the most humble and docile tone he could come up with, Ed said, “I'm sorry to wake you...” Cause I have to see your ugly-ass face. “But, um...” I have to take a piss. “I need to use the restroom...” Now let me out of here!

 

Ed gave the colonel a look that he hoped looked pleading, and Mustang gave a small nod before saying, “The litany?”

 

Fuck the litany! Ed raged inwardly, but recited it anyway and waited expectantly. Mustang nodded again, and moved off the bed to the cage. Opening it, he grabbed Ed's wrist with one hand and placed his other at the bottom of his neck, right below the collar.

 

Looking deeply into his eyes, Mustang whispered, “Don't try anything you know you shouldn't.” Ed swallowed involuntarily as he felt a tingle of electricity move down his spine, starting from where Mustang's hand. It didn't hurt, but it was slightly... uncomfortable...

 

He shook his head quickly and said, “I won't.” He wouldn't. At least not now. Maybe he'd try something after he lulled Mustang into thinking that he was playing along... maybe he wouldn't... He needed to become a C-5...

 

“Good boy,” Mustang murmured, seeming pleased, and gently gave his wrist a squeeze.

 

Fuck you... Ed thought as he was led to the bathroom. When he was standing before the toilet, Ed glanced at Mustang, who was still holding onto his neck, though he'd let go of Ed's wrist. “Do you mind?” Ed growled deep in his throat, when he saw Mustang had no intention of looking away.

 

Mustang raised an eyebrow and again Ed felt a small tingle of electricity move through him from where the man had his hand on him. “You haven't earned privacy, Eddie,” Mustang said quietly. “I'm quickly becoming displeased with your attitude, and if I am unhappy...” He trailed of, but Ed's mind filled in the rest.

 

Then I am unhappy...

 

Ed lowered his head and stared down at himself both in frustration and embarrassment. “I'm sorry...” he murmured, not meaning it in the slightest, but having no desire to get into an argument before he got what he wanted.

 

It was humiliating, having to relieve himself while Mustang watched. It wasn't the same as merely being naked around him. This seemed so much more... well... personal. He'd never had someone touching him and looking at him while he did this, and it actually took him almost a full minute before he could relax enough to go.

 

The whole time he cursed Mustang, the military, fate, and even his own father. It wasn't until he was back in the cage that he realized if Mustang had let go of him, then he might have fallen since he had been on one leg and his body was still pretty weak.

 

With that recognition, Ed wanted to bang his head against the floor in frustration. He felt so confused, and yet he knew that there was nothing to be confused about. Mustang was caring for him even though he didn't deserve it. The man could have let him fall, could have even shocked him for his remark, but he hadn't...

 

Mustang was trying to help him... The whole reason Mustang was there was to help him, and all Ed had done was give him a shit load of trouble... It was then that the full impact of his earlier thoughts crashed down on him.

 

Mustang was not the bad guy. He was the one who had chosen to come. The way he was being treated was in response to his own actions and if he hadn't been such an asshole, then Mustang would have been nicer to him.

 

If my master is happy, I am happy...

 

But his master wasn't happy... And nether was he.

 

It occurred to him that perhaps he'd gotten off lucky by having Mustang as a master. Even though the colonel could be an annoying ass in the office, he'd done a lot for him... Mustang cared... He cared what happened to him. Probably no other person would have been as kind as Mustang was being...

 

The thoughts flew though his mind so fast that it was almost dizzying, then suddenly one thought came to the forefront of his mind, leaving him cold and fearful. What would happen if Mustang decided that he didn't want to do this anymore? Ed couldn't leave after this started, but could Mustang? What if they assigned him to someone else? The thought terrified him. The last few days had been hell, but how much worse would it be with someone else? Someone who didn't know him, someone who didn't care...

 

No... He wasn't going to let that happen.

 

Ed felt a firm sense of resolve. Even if he didn't mean it, he was going to play his part. Mustang was doing what he had to for his part, but he wasn't. He'd agree to this whole calling Mustang `master' and going by `Eddie' for now.

 

After all, he didn't have to mean it, Ed reiterated to himself, and he didn't want to chance being passed off to someone else... Mustang cared about him. He must with all he was doing for him... This was just for a little while. He could pretend for a little while. What harm would there be in just pretending?

 

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Yep, I'm still working on this one. I'm sorry it's so slow in coming. I have lots of excuses, but none that anyone cares about haha, so yeah, just know that I'm still working on this no matter how slow the updates are.

 

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As always, many thanks to my beta Masamune Reforged

 

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Comments are love.