.

Warnings: Slash, Lemony-type stuff, Clichés, 1x2 Exhibitionism (particularly Pilot 02), Tasuki Torture, followed by Giving Tasuki Hope Only To Set Up Even More Tasuki Torture, and eventually Getting Tasuki Laid.

If there is any socially redeeming value in this fic, it is purely accidental.

Disclaimer: I do not own Gundam Wing, or any of the pilots. I also do not own Fushigi Yuugi or any of the seishi. And, as if this fic wasn't crowded enough - I now have to add that I do not own Ranma ½ or any of the perverted old men in it. This last might be a *good* thing.

Pairings: Chi/Tas, 1x2 by Moonraven-chan's request in this chapter ^_^, hopefully I'll work in a little 3+4 later.

AN: My thanks go to Shoujo Senshi; her "Temperature" series very much inspired the opening hentai sequence to this chapter.

Gomen, WuFei isn't actually in this chapter. Quatre and Duo wanted to have a little fun. Especially Duo. WuFei'll be back for the next one, I promise.

Tasuki and the Hentai Monks

by Xellas M.

Chapter 2

Tasuki woke early the next day to find himself lying flat on his back, legs together. Strong arms on either side of his hips prevented him from moving while supporting his lover carefully, tantalizingly close to his morning erection. Warm breath tickled his thighs and his balls as the tiniest wet tip of a tongue darted, tracing circles and who-knew-what other shapes on his prickling skin.

He tensed for a moment, then glanced down and saw nothing but a mass of sky-blue hair. Chichiri. This was OK, then. Better than OK, because now instead of light, teasing touches with his tongue, his lover was nibbling and sucking at his skin, raining almost chaste kisses up and down his shaft. The younger seishi whimpered but did not dare move. In the back of his mind lay the dim awareness that at some point he had agreed to become Chichiri's toy, maybe even had begged for the privilege.

His desire was burning, a hot and hard feeling in the pit of his stomach that made itself known even above the intense pleasure radiating from his extremely full cock. Damn, he was hard, and Chichiri was… The mage finally stopped toying and drew the head of Tasuki's erection into his mouth. It was relief, bliss, ecstasy. Chichiri's hands were busy too, running up the younger man's body to his shoulders and…shaking them.

Kind of hard.

Nani?

All the happy, pleasant sensations Tasuki had been enjoying disappeared instantly. The sky blue hair vanished and was replaced by a chestnut braid. Only that persistent shaking remained. "Damn, you sure are hard to wake up! Hurry up, we're almost late for breakfast."

"Go away." Maybe, if the brat left soon enough, Tasuki could go back to sleep and finish the dream…

"Nope! WuFei's got kitchen duty, so he won't be there, and Quat and I want to talk to ya." So saying, Duo yanked the sheet violently from Tasuki's bed.

"Hey!" Tasuki made a desperate grab to save his blanket even though it was midsummer and he hadn't been using it to keep warm. It had tangled itself around his body and was now serving the purpose of hiding the visible effects of morning combined with an especially "good" night's sleep on the male anatomy from the young monk.

Had the sleepy seishi been well…less sleepy…the braided boy would have been no match for the bandit's speed. As it was, the attack had been was completely unexpected and the bandit's resistance came too late. There lay Tasuki, exposed for Duo and anyone else in the room (fortunately, no one) to see, clad only in a light, thin pair of pajama pants.

Duo's eyes suddenly took up more than half his face. He whistled. "If my interests didn't lie elsewhere, I might just take that on for myself, Tasuki-sama. I love a good challenge."

"Hentai! Get the fuck out!" It didn't sound very threatening, but it was difficult to growl properly and be intimidating while turning funny colors.

The young monk laughed. He practically skipped out of the room, pausing only to throw over his shoulder "Hurry up or we'll miss prayer!"

"Fuckin' great." But there was no point in going back to sleep anymore, so he did as instructed.

* * * * *

He was happy to note that WuFei's seat was empty as promised. Eventually, the morning prayer was concluded and he cautiously reached for his cup and was further relieved to find it contained nothing but cool, clear water. Taking a long drink helped him begin to restore his mental balance. He stared at the empty seat in front of him and tried to think of a polite way to ask where his roommate had spent the night.

"WuFei's got kitchen duty this morning." Quatre spoke up, unaware that Duo had already relayed the information. "He's really upset. You will be glad to know that he came into my room last night to see if he could sleep in the extra bed. However, I believe he said quote 'I will teach that unjust redheaded bastard to show respect if it kills him.' He added a bunch more, mostly about his plans for Chichiri-sama…but he also managed to throw in a few choice words about wanting to stay in the same dorm but being unable to because 'Maxwell and Yuy are too damn loud'. " The last part was directed to his chestnut-haired counterpart.

Duo choked. It was finally the braided monk's turn to blush and the fire seishi briefly wondered which of those surnames belonged to him and who owned the other.

Then Tasuki's eyes narrowed dangerously as the middle part of the blond's speech sank in. Before he could erupt, Quatre cut in. "Don't worry, though…Duo and I talked about it and we want to help *you*. I mean, it's obvious you have real feelings for Chichiri-sama and -"

Just then, a large platter of food was passed their way, temporarily cutting off conversation. The redhead silently helped himself to several very large, very thick sausages.

When the plate moved on, he looked up, ready to thank the teenagers for their good intentions but explain politely, yet again, that their assistance would be unwelcome.

Unfortunately, his eyes landed on Duo first. The braided pilot had grabbed one of the sausages and was doing kinky, nasty, perverted things to it with his mouth. The truly astonishing part was that he managed to perform the bizarre actions without causing a scene. Tasuki noticed, Quatre noticed (and was giggling uncontrollably)…but the braided boy had managed to use various items on the table to hide the horrible, mind-twisting sight from anyone else.

"What the fuck are you doing?"

Thankfully, Duo pulled the sausage out of his mouth and grinned broadly before replying. "It's called a blow job. Oral sex. Chichiri would probably like it. Here, lemme teach you how it's done, grab a sausage - "

"I DON'T FUCKING NEED TO LEARN HOW TO GIVE A BLOW JOB!!!" Tasuki yelled.

One could have heard a pin drop in the suddenly silent room.

The bandit slunk down in his seat as low as possible, but the effort was futile.

When conversation finally resumed and only *half* the room was still looking their way, Duo leaned over and reproachfully muttered through a mouthful of sausage, "I was only trying to help."

"Look." The fire seishi began, speaking carefully and quietly through gritted teeth, "I do not need your help. Chichiri and I are friends, *only* friends…that's it. That's all. Do. You. Understand. Me."

"But - " Quatre began.

"No buts. No nothing. I know ya mean well, but it's just not gonna happen, OK?"

The pair shrugged but did not say anything. Tasuki sighed. It would have to do - at least until he made it back to his room for his tessen.

* * * * *

After breakfast, Tasuki set out to look for his fellow seishi. It did not take long for the redhead to find Chichiri; the older monk was sitting exactly where the bandit had predicted he'd be, fishing quietly in the river. Wordlessly, Tasuki settled himself to join his friend.

Fishing with Chichiri was nice. Not that Tasuki was actually fishing himself - his concept of the sport involved sitting around with his buddies (at a safe distance from any actual water, mind you) and drinking sake. Even without the sake, it was still good to spend a little time near his friend - especially after the hell those perverted teenagers had put him through. Being near Chichiri was always peaceful.

Finally it was the monk who broke the silence. "So, no da…are you enjoying the visit so far no da?" The question was bright and seemingly off-hand, but Tasuki knew his friend better than that.

There was no good answer to that question. The redhead couldn't very well claim to be having the time of his life, but somehow he couldn't find the words to explain to his pure friend that Chichiri had thrown him in a pit filled with screaming hentais. Especially since every single one of them was bound and determined to get Chichiri laid one way or another.

Better to make a joke of it, like he always did. "Aa. Well, ya know, a bandit like me don't exactly fit in. They're probably all intimidated by my reputation…got somethin' ta prove." He flexed his arm muscles to illustrate.

"Oh yes, your *reputation* no da. Speaking of your reputation, I wonder what Kouji-kun and the others would've said if they'd heard your little outburst this morning, no da." The mask smirked and the barely-hidden amusement in the blue-haired man's tone told the younger man that he was being teased. Mercilessly.

Hit by the absolute worst person in the weakest part of his admittedly fragile emotional armor, Tasuki panicked. "What? 'Course I don't need ta learn how ta give a blowjob, 'cause I'm straight and there wouldn't be any reason for me ta smoke pipe, right? I mean, it's not like there's anything wrong with that, or nothin', but it just ain't me. 'Sides, coupla the bandits swing that way and no one messes with them. I won't let 'em. Not 'cause I'M gay, 'cause I'm NOT, but…" Finally, out of breath, the fire seishi paused.

Then he realized just how that all sounded and decided to give up gracefully.

"Fine." He muttered sulkily. "I suppose you knew anyway."

"Well, considering the only time you ever even looked at a woman in that way was when you were under the influence of demonic possession, no da, I did kind of wonder." Chichiri laid a comforting hand on his friend's shoulder. "It's OK, no da."

"Aa." Was all the flustered man could muster. He really wished his friend would move his hand, it made thinking so difficult, but at the same time he never wanted Chichiri to let go. It wasn't as if he cared that anyone else knew, but this was *Chichiri*, for Suzaku's sake, the one man he loved with all his heart.

"So, what's it like, no da?"

"Huh?"

"Kissing a guy, no da, is it different from kissing a girl?"

Tasuki had heard from the other seishi that Chichiri could occasionally ask very direct (and awkward) questions about their love lives.* None of them had minded too much; Miaka in particular had thought it innocent and rather sweet. Never in a million years had he expected to be the target of one of these examinations. And just what the fuck was he supposed to say if the pure monk asked him the wrong question?

He felt his breath hitch, suddenly it seemed he couldn't possibly take in enough air. How many butterflies could fit inside one man's stomach, anyway? He cleared his throat and tried to answer the question. "I dunno. Never kissed one."

He raised his eyes to meet the slits in his friend's mask. Neither man said anything for a long moment.

Eventually, Chichiri replied, his voice quiet and soft and the redhead could have sworn it carried just the faintest hint of a challenge. "Really?"

Always one to follow his feelings, Tasuki began leaning in slightly. His heart pounded when he realized that the mage wasn't backing away.

At almost the last possible second, there was a sudden, sharp tug on the fishing line. It broke the mood completely. The older man reeled in his fish, apparently oblivious to what had almost happened, leaving the fire seishi feeling relieved but strangely empty.

The fish was eventually captured, a very large trout that put up a tremendous struggle. The fire seishi refused to let himself wonder if he hadn't lost a much larger catch. He tried to convince himself that it would have ended in disaster, but deep down he wanted - needed - to believe otherwise.

* * * * *

The pair spent maybe another hour fishing. The blue-haired mage had unprecedented luck. He had no fewer than four gigantic and very edible fish before he finally was forced to stop.

Smiling and relaxed, Tasuki had almost forgotten the horrors of the past day as they carried Chichiri's catch back to the kitchens. Together, they went through the messy process of gutting and cleaning the fish.

When they were ready and had cleaned up, Chichiri stood and spoke. "You can sit down and rest here, no da. I can take these back to the storehouse, no da, it'll just be a minute. Then, if you like, Elder Happosai has expressed an interest in meeting you na no da. Unless you have other plans?"

The younger man just shook his head even though knots were beginning to form in his stomach. In a very real way, it was like meeting Chichiri's parents - Elder Happosai had helped the monk through a very difficult period in his life. More than anything, it was important to the fire seishi that he made a good impression; if that was even possible after his recent, repeated public humiliations.

The redhead was so caught up in his thoughts it took him awhile to realize that Chichiri hadn't yet returned. Where the hell did they keep the storehouse anyway? The monk had been gone for at least 20 minutes. Had he gotten lost?

Another five minutes dragged slowly by before he gave up on waiting entirely. It was possible that the monk had run into an old friend or something. He got up and went off in the same direction Chichiri had gone, hoping to catch up with him.

As it happened, the back rooms in the kitchens were laid out very logically and it wasn't difficult for Tasuki to figure out where the storehouse must be. He knew he was correct when he glanced down a hallway and saw Chichiri. The monk's behavior seemed strange, to say the least. The fish were in a neat stack on the floor, forgotten. The mage's back was to the hallway. He held a door open by barely an inch and was intently peering inside. Before Tasuki could come any closer, the monk gave a start as though sensing his chi and looked around guiltily.

Leaving the door as it was, Chichiri pulled back immediately and came back down the hallway, walking as briskly as possible without actually running.

"Tasuki-kun, I just remembered something I need to do in my room, no da. Can I catch up with you later instead, no da?"

Chichiri was moving on without waiting for the younger man to reply, but Tasuki did manage to notice one very interesting detail as he passed. The well seishi's mask had been tinged faintly pink, but in passing it was very obvious that his ears and the back of his neck were bright red.

Overcome by curiosity, the bandit stealthily approached the partially open doorway that had so captivated his friend. The fish still lay neatly stacked nearby; he had an excuse if anyone came by and he needed one. He peered inside and waited for his eyes to adjust.

He had found the storeroom, as it turned out. Only it was occupied and one of the occupants was very familiar.

Duo was sitting up on a counter, naked. His head was thrown back and his harsh breathing filled the small room. His knees were spread apart and in between them, bent slightly over just so, was a young man with black, spiky hair who was every bit as beautiful and every bit as naked as the braided boy. And if that alone wasn't interesting enough, Duo's dick was being lovingly tended to by his partner. Loud, sloppy slurping noises provided a rhythmic counterpoint to the aforementioned heavy breathing. The sight went straight to the fire seishi's groin.

After issuing a particularly frantic groan, Duo grabbed a handful of his lover's hair and pushed his head back. He jumped lightly from the counter and turned around to offer himself. The change in position and temporary break while the stranger fumbled around for lubricant enabled Tasuki to snap out of his daze and gently close the door.

He stood there for a moment, trying to catch his breath. He walked away and had nearly made it back to the kitchen when the importance of everything he had seen hit him like a ton of bricks.

Chichiri had been watching. For at least 20 minutes. And judging by his reaction when Tasuki had interrupted him, the well seishi had been enjoying the view.

A grin of evil hope spread across the bandit's face. Maybe, just maybe, he had a chance with Chichiri after all…

In the hallway, a forgotten pile of fish sweatdropped.

* * * * *

~End Chapter 2

* I'm thinking in particular of the scene where Chichiri is asking Miaka about the kind of kiss Tamahome had given her. Chiri was just too terribly cute!