Gensomaden Saiyuki Fan Fiction ❯ A Question of Lust ❯ Condemnation ( Chapter 1 )

Title: A Question Of Lust

 

Author: Traumatic BunnyRabbit

 

Warnings: This story is NC-17 rated because of violence, bad language and sex scenes. And most of all - it's yaoi (man and man pairing). So if you think it will mess up your mind, just don't read it.

 

Disclaimers: I don't own Saiyuki. But I own this piece. And that's something too!

I borrowed all the titles from my favorite Depeche Mode songs. I hope they won't sue me.

 

A/N: It's my first time in many ways. It's the first fic I've ever published. It's the first Saiyuki fic I've ever written. And - most of all - it's the first piece I've ever written in English, because it's not my main language. So please, be gentle with me - I'm a virgin, ne? ^__^

 

[originally posted: March 17, 2005]

 

 

1. Condemnation

 

 

“Sanzo, are we there yet? I'm hungry!”

 

“I can pick some fresh grass for you if you want.”

 

“Oh shut up, you pervy…”

 

“Shut up, both of you!” yelled Sanzo, as usual.

 

“You seem really pissed, Sanzo. What's wrong?” Goku leaned forward and rested his chin on blonde's shoulder. “Get off me, you stupid monkey,” the monk didn't yell this time but his voice sounded like an icy blizzard. So Goku jerked away and made a face.

 

“I just wanted… You don't have to be so cruel to me, ya know?”

 

“I don't like this forest either,” said Hakkai with his usually calming tone. “I hope we'll reach the town soon.”

 

“Hey, what's wrong with you two?” Gojyo frown a little. “It's just an ordinary forest, nothing special… Oh shit!” He cried out last words with surprise, when he saw dark shades that appeared on both sides of the road and were now running along with them behind the trees.

 

“Just like I thought,” said Sanzo, reaching out for his gun. “Hakkai, stop the car! We will give them what they came here for!”

 

Jeep stopped instantly and the dark shades came out of the forest and stepped on the road becoming dark demons.

 

“Only ten?” Sanzo raised his brow in disbelief. “Give me a break!”

 

“Look at them,” Hakkai already gathered some of his shining chi in his hands. “They all are so young.”

 

All the demons were dark - dark hair, dark skin, dark eyes, all wearing dark green clothes and all of them looked even younger than the four gathered in the car.

 

“Fuckin' boy scouts!” hissed Gojyo, tensing his grasp on the crescent staff. “You want to play? Let's play!”

 

And so the demons attacked, crying out like enraged animals. But they were few. And they were lame opponents. The whole fight ended even before it really started.

 

“So that's it?” Goku looked around with disappointment. “I'm not even wormed up! And I'm even more hungry than before!”

 

“You could eat one of them,” said Gojyo with evil grin. “They sure looked tasty.”

 

“Shut up, you pervert! I bet they looked yummy for you as well!”

 

“I'm not so desperate as you are.”

 

“It's strange,” Hakkai carefully looked around, completely ignoring the arguing couple. “Why did they attack us? They weren't skillful, they didn't have any weapons. And in those clothes they really looked like boy scouts.”

 

“Yeah, something's fishy,” Sanzo looked at him with narrowed eyes. “Do you feel it as well? It's like somebody is watching us.”

 

“You think it was just a sparring battle? That somebody wanted us to show him our skills or something?”

 

“Could be. But don't overreact. Hey, monkey, cut the crap and jump in, we're leaving!”

 

Goku stuck his tongue out in Gojyo's direction, promising himself, that their own private battle wasn't over yet, and then he obeyed his master's order.

 

Gojyo stopped paying attention to the annoying little monkey and carefully whipped out his crescent blade from his stuff as he looked around once more. It felt good to stretch his body in a sudden fight like that, but still it was something different this time. That fight was, as one could say, little awkward. Hell, it didn't look like a fight at all! For him, it was rather a slaughter.

 

The forest seemed quiet and undisturbed, but then Gojyo saw something move in the nearby bushes. “Hey guys, I think we have one more here,” he said coming closer.

 

“Be careful, Gojyo,” Hakkai's voice caught his ear.

 

“Like I'm always,” answered the redhead with a small smirk. Sometimes he really liked when Hakkai was worrying about him. Sometimes he was even doing certain things only to be scolded by him. Sometimes it really felt great.

 

As he came closer, the bushes moved again rather violently and he heard quiet whine. It sounded like a little animal, a rabbit or maybe even a fox, caught in a trap and scared as hell. Gojyo relaxed and reached forward to move green branches from his view. And then something jumped on him like a lightning bolt.

 

He jerked back pushing this little thing away, but not quick enough. He felt sharp pain on his left arm and the warmth of blood trickling down to his palm. “What the--?” he managed to mumble as he was looking with shock at the little youkai boy crouching only few steps from him.

 

A little hand with long, hooked claws swung in his direction. Gojyo stepped back, then again, unable to do something else. He had his weapon in his hand, he felt the pain from the wound, but still, the only thing he could do was dodge the small demon's attacks. He heard his friends yelling at him; he heard words that sounds like `what the hell are you doing, kill him, kill him', but he was only aware of the big golden eyes of that creature, his messy brown hair, pointed ears, and his childish lips pulled back over his sharp teeth in terrible grimace, mixture of rage and fear. How can I raise the blade against somebody who looks like Goku? he thought dodging again.

 

“Get down!” he heard and felt someone's elbow hitting him hard in the side. Gojyo fell down on the road and the same moment single shot rang out across the woods. Little creature cried out in pain and then vaporized into dark cloud of smoke.

 

“Gojyo, are you all right?” it was Hakkai, who tumbled him down and now was sitting next to him with worrying expression on his face. “Show me your hand please.”

 

“What the hell was that?” Sanzo stood above them with narrowed eyes. “You supposed to kill it not play with it! It's not a fucking playground!”

 

“That was a child,” said Gojyo looking straight into his eyes.

 

“That was youkai,” said the monk icily. “Do that kind of a show again and I'll kill you myself.”

 

The redhead flinched a little as he felt sudden warm touch on his wounded skin. It took him a little time to realize that it was Hakkai and his healing skills. He jerked his hand away from the soothing grasp. “It's not necessary,” he said looking at half closed marks. “You shouldn't waste your energy on scratches.”

 

”But if I don't close it now it will leave a scar,” said the brunette calmly.

 

“I don't care,” answered Gojyo bitterly as he got up and went back to the car. “Let's say it's another one to add to my impressive collection.”

 

***

 

“Say, Sanzo,” Goku put away the last empty plate and sighed with visible pleasure. “Why didn't Gojyo come to dinner?”

 

They were sitting in the small dining room of the inn they decided to stay at for the night. The rooms were clean and pleasant, and the meal they'd just finished was delicious. But of course not all of them were enjoying it. Right after they moved in, Gojyo just went out without a word of explanation. And now he was probably in the nearest bar. Or in some girl's bed.

 

“Sanzo, why? Tell me!” Goku whined impatiently.

 

“Perhaps he was sick of your stupid questions,” said the monk, lighting a cigarette.

 

“Is he mad because he failed with that last youkai?” asked Goku, but Sanzo only made unpleasant sound. “Hakkai? Maybe you know?”

 

“Yes Goku, I think I know,” the brunette ended feeding Hakuryuu with leftovers from his own plate and smiled at the younger boy.

 

“So? And don't tell me I won't understand,” warned Goku as he saw very familiar expression on healer's face. “He's ashamed, because he turned out to be such a lame fighter, right? Well, that's not a good excuse for not coming to dinner,” said Goku after a while and then he added hesitantly “I'm not such a bastard like him and I wouldn't take that chance to laugh at him, ya know?”

 

“I'm sure you wouldn't,” said Hakkai, his smile even wider, “but it wasn't the reason.”

 

“Then what?”

 

“You see, sometimes you feel like being on your own for a while. To think over some important matters, for example.”

 

“Or forget about some matters,” added Sanzo maliciously.

 

“Yes, that too,” the smile on Hakkai's face slowly faded away.

 

“Still, it doesn't sound like a good excuse to skip a meal,” Goku really didn't seem convinced. “That's enough, monkey,” Sanzo shot him a warning glare. “If you want to sleep in my room you have to take a bath. Now.”

 

“No problem!” the boy jumped up from his seat with sudden radiant smile. “Would you like to join me?”

 

“You wanna die so badly, you damn brat?!” asked Sanzo angrily, his gun half dragged from his sleeve, but Goku wasn't there any more. Laughing loudly he rushed out from the room slamming the door behind him. “Stupid monkey,” muttered Sanzo, shoving back his gun under his robe.

 

“But that was funny,” Hakkai left a small chuckle and endured angry glance of violet eyes. “I don't find anything funny in the possibility of sharing a bath with another guy,” said the monk, taking deep drag of his cigarette.

 

“Now, now, Sanzo, aren't you overreacting a little? He's just a child anyway.”

 

“Is he?” Sanzo raised his brow slightly. “Maybe he was, when I found him. But now he's acting more like a teenager to me. And he's hanging around with that sex-obsessed half-breed too much, so I bet he's more than well educated.”

 

“And speaking of which, I think I'll go and bring Gojyo back,” Hakkai tried to hide his embarrassment behind his usual light smile. `Gods, why is he always blushing when somebody speaks about sex?' thought Sanzo looking at the brunette with slight disgust.

 

“Don't bother,” he said aloud. “He will come back by himself. Like always.”

 

“I'm sure you did notice in what state he was,” Hakkai stopped smiling and looked straight in those stingy violet eyes.

 

“It was just like the monkey said,” the monk shrugged carelessly. “He's just pissed `cause he was too weak to kill some demon brat, that's all.”

 

“Well, I think he's at that point, when you ask yourself `Why do I have to kill at all'” said Hakkai caressing inattentively the furry back of his dragon pet.

 

“I'm glad that I'll never reach that point,” said Sanzo pouting his lips. “Otherwise we'd all end up as a dead meat. And don't worry about that stupid kappa. He's a tough bastard, he'll survive. Just let him think… well, drink over his problems properly.”

a 

“I know he'll be all right,” Hakkai stood up from his chair “but I really don't feel like dealing with his hangover all day tomorrow.”

 

“Yeah, right, whatever,” Sanzo closed his eyes and waved his hand impatiently. “Just don't get into trouble, or you'll both be dealing with something worse than a hangover.”

 

***

 

Gojyo couldn't get drunk.

 

He was near the end of a bottle of whisky, but still he didn't feel any effects. God damn it. He came here to get blind drunk and then sleep whole night like a log, without dreams, without worries. But it seems that it won't be easy.

 

The whisky was good. Strong, a little sour in taste, but at the same time completely useless. So if he couldn't get drunk, maybe at least he will be able to get laid? It's also a good way to forget. He lit another cigarette and looked around. Bar was rather crowded; he could see at least four girls worthy of his attention, but then he found himself unable to smile at them, even just a little.

 

Pathetic, he thought taking a deep drag of bitter smoke. It wasn't even he, who killed this brat, so what is wrong with him anyway? Why can't he stop thinking? Gojyo sighed deeply and touched his forearm. Three long marks were still there, red and swollen a little bit. Damn you, Hakkai, he cursed mentally. You should have left these wounds sore and open, so at least I could have something to whine about! But of course Hakkai did what he always did. He rescued him, eased his pain without expecting anything in return, not even a simple `thank you'. He was always like that, caring and soothing everyone but himself. His best friend. The first friend he ever had.

 

Gojyo poured himself another glass and swallowed half of it instantly. Yeah, thinking of Hakkai was definitely better idea than sinking into self-pity. Maybe I should talk to him about everything, he thought watching the burning tip of cigarette with sudden interest. But again, what should I tell him? It's not such a big deal anyway. I really shouldn't give a damn about it! And I shouldn't bother him with my fucked up personality. I shouldn't bother anyone.

 

Suddenly Gojyo felt someone's presence near him. He lifted his head, feeling a slight trace of dizziness (yeah, alcohol started to work!) and he saw Hakkai, right in front of his table.

 

“What the hell are you doing here?” he asked.

 

“I was looking for you.”

 

“So you found me,” Gojyo pull another chair close to his table. “And if you are here already, why don't you sit and drink with me? Hey, bartender, another glass for my friend!”

 

“I don't feel like drinking,” said Hakkai. “And I don't think you should drink more as well.”

 

“Don't tell me what I should do!” Gojyo grabbed his sleeve and made him sit.

 

“Sorry…”

 

“And don't `sorry' me! Just let me… please myself a little, ok?”

 

Hakkai smiled his usual gentle smile and nodded silently, accepting a glass from the staff member.

 

“This thing is quite good,” assured Gojyo, as he filled the glass with golden brown fluid. “Here, taste.”

 

“I'm sure it is great,” said the brunette sipping small portion, “but you know that I rarely drink strong alcohol so I'm afraid I won't be able to appreciate it fully.”

 

“At least give it a try,” Gojyo responded flatly, taking last drag of his cigarette before throwing it carelessly on the floor.

 

“Are you all right, Gojyo?”

 

“And what do you think?” he snarled and emptied his glass. “I'm very far from all right!”

 

“Then talk to me,” Hakkai's voice was soft but urging. “It's better than poisoning yourself with alcohol.” Gojyo looked up at his friend and shrugged a little. “So pouring my miserable problems all over you is better? Damn, Hakkai, I didn't think you're such a masochist.”

 

Hakkai just smiled a little and took another sip from his glass. Gojyo felt himself smiling as well, as he was watching his friend closely. In the dim light of the bar lamps black haired youkai seemed so… beautiful? Yeah, definitely. Not handsome, but beautiful, in the most masculine way though. His bright green eyes, delicate line of his lips, his slender fingers on the glass - everything about him was just perfect.

 

Ok, I'm starting to fancy Hakkai, thought Gojyo. So I'm finally drunk.

 

It was always like that. From the first time he saw Hakkai, wounded, unconscious, laying face down in the mud, Gojyo thought of him as of a quite good-looking man. It was just a simple statement, just a remark made by another quite good-looking man as Gojyo thought about himself. But when they started to live together, Gojyo found out that every time he came home after drinking, his feelings toward Hakkai's physicality was becoming a little different. More sexual, as one could say.

 

At first it freaked him out and almost made him sober instantly. But then he got used to it. He blamed everything on his damn personality. Goku sometimes was right calling him pervert and ero-kappa. He was horny beast, with his veins full of testosterone instead of blood and he couldn't do anything about it. Maybe it was another aspect of being a half-breed - he didn't know and didn't care. He just liked being this way.

 

Hakkai was his closest friend. They lived together, day by day, sharing not only a flat but also everyday worries, thoughts and secrets. Hakkai knew him better than anyone, he was close to him like a brother. Or like a lover could be. Although Gojyo never had any woman he could call `lover', he imagined that it could feel exactly like this. That's why he concluded, seeing his friend as a sensual being in spite of his gender was just natural thing for such an ero-kappa as he was. And he really didn't bother, since he fancied Hakkai only when he was drunk.

 

`Cause he wasn't a gay. Definitely not.

 

“It's because of this boy, isn't it?” Hakkai's voice broke into his thoughts and brought him back to earth.

 

“What?” Gojyo blinked and tried to figure out what the hell his friend is talking about. Then it struck him like a heavy punch.

 

This afternoon. The youkai's attack.

 

The boy.

 

Gojyo tried to pour himself another round but he found his hand shaking too much. “And why should I care?” he hissed, tensing his grip over an empty glass. “Why should I think about it?”

 

“But you do,” Hakkai's voice sounded so calm. “And it's nothing wrong for you to have doubts--”

 

“I don't have any doubts,” Gojyo managed to grab the bottle and filled up his glass. “I just think it's all wrong!” He put the bottle back much too hard and much too loud, then laid his hands, clenched in tight fists, across the table and lowered his head.

 

“It shouldn't be like that,” his voice was harsh and tensed, his eyes hidden behind his loose hair. “This is our fucking war! Stupid brats have nothing to do with it! For fuck sake, they should just sit at home and wait until we slaughter each other till the last one!”

 

“But it wasn't you who started all this madness,” Hakkai leaned forward, bringing himself close to his friend. “I know it's a lame excuse, but if you don't kill them, they will definitely kill you.”

 

“You're right, that's a lame excuse,” Gojyo grab his glass and emptied it once again with two large gulps. He felt dizzy again and grinned wildly. At least he was close to getting himself smashed, just as he had planned. “I think I need another bottle.”

 

“No, you don't,” said Hakkai getting up from his seat and grabbing Gojyo's arm. “You are going straight to bed.”

 

“What are you, my fuckin' guardian angel?” the redhead jerked out from Hakkai's grasp. “Just fuck off and let me be!”

 

“No, I won't,” said the other stubbornly. “I can't let you hurt yourself more.”

 

“What the hell are you talking about?” Gojyo blinked in surprise, almost forgetting about his anger. Hakkai stood above him, making him raise his head uncomfortably in order to look in brunette's face. His vision was a little blurred but he still could clearly see those big, green eyes, full of concern and seriousness.

 

“I'm talking about what you are planning to do,” said Hakkai. “You want to drink until you won't be able to stand straight and then you're going to pick up a fight with the biggest bastard in here. And then you will let him beat the hell out of you. Am I right?”

 

“Even if so, it's not your fuckin' business!” said Gojyo, clenching his fists again. “You can't offer me your help in that matter, can you? So get lost!”

 

Hakkai narrowed his eyes and tightened his lips in thin, pale line. Oh shit, thought Gojyo, I think I overdid it a little. Then he saw Hakkai swing lightly in his hips as his fist shot forward and landed hard on Gojyo's cheekbone. Next moment the redhead found himself lying on the floor of the suddenly quiet room with Hakkai standing above him, his face darkened with strong emotion.

 

“Fuck… you hit me,” murmured Gojyo, pressing a palm to his sore face.

 

“That's what friends are for,” said the black-haired youkai. “All your wishes are granted - you're drunk and beaten. Can we go now?” And then he just turned around and went straight to the door.

 

Gojyo was feeling extremely lightheaded. He still couldn't believe that Hakkai, this always-so-calm-and-smiling Hakkai actually hit him. And hit hard enough to spread him all over the floor like some mere wimp. That was really too much for his brain to accept. He slowly got up and, wobbling a little, followed his friend.

 

***

 

To be continued

 

Well, that's only the beginning. I'm old fashioned girl - I need a plot before I can write some smut. So, plot is done. And the next chapter is just round the corner. Wanna read? ^__^

 

Traumatic Bunny