Gensomaden Saiyuki Fan Fiction ❯ A Simple Kiss ❯ Cards and Fruit Bowls ( Chapter 6 )

Title: A Simple Kiss - Chapter 6: Cards and Fruit Bowls

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Goku was too restless to sit still, pacing from one end of the small room to the other. He had told Gojyo he wasn't hungry, but in reality he couldn't face another meal in strained silence. His stomach growled at him to prove the stupidity of his actions. Wasn't there anything about himself that he could control anymore? He sighed, too weary to sustain any sort of anger. He was being so stupid, so childish. He was just so confused.

That night, everything had felt right. He didn't regret that it had happened. In fact, he looked back on their actions with an intense longing for more. He had felt alive in Sanzo's arms. But ever since, he couldn't be in the same room as the monk without wanting to bolt. How could he want to grab Sanzo and kiss him, but also want to run away from him? Their journey the last two days had been agonizing. He had tried to sleep as much as possible while they traveled, if only to stop himself from jumping out of the jeep when the tension got to him.

Something moved behind him, and Goku whirled around. Tiny fragments of paper floated in the air, settling on the floor only to be stirred up by his passing. At some point he had walked by the small table in the room and removed a document from it, tearing the poor sheet into scraps in his anxiety. Looking away from the carnage, he peered closely at the scrap in his hand and was horrified to find that he had shredded the front page of today's paper. Gojyo must have borrowed it from Sanzo. Goku hoped they had both already read it; he didn't need to give the blond another reason to be angry.

Thinking about Sanzo made his stomach twist uncomfortably, and he flopped back onto the bed with a sigh. What he wouldn't give for a plate of meatbuns to take his mind off things. Not even his ravenous appetite could make him brave a foray into the kitchen though. He didn't want to chance seeing Sanzo sitting comfortably talking with Gojyo and Hakkai. Not that he really thought Sanzo was out enjoying dinner. With the mood he was in, the monk was probably smoking in his room, glaring out the window. Thank god it wasn't raining, or they might all be dead.

Goku pacified his empty stomach by promising it food after Gojyo came back. He would check with the half-breed to make sure that Sanzo wasn't downstairs, then make a quick visit. He wasn't sure if he was planning to go down for breakfast in the morning, but if this morning was any indication, they would be eating on the road again. He wasn't planning on complaining. He preferred to avoid anything that drew Sanzo's ire. So maybe he should stock up a little. Happy with his plan, he flipped over onto his stomach and rested his head on his hands. The sunset drew his eye, painting the sky in oranges and yellows. It was beautiful, and he felt a gentle peace come over him for the first time in days. He watched as the sun slowly sank into the western horizon, changing the colors of everything it touched. With an amused smile, he held his hand out towards the window and gazed at it, his skin changing from its normal tan to a dark golden bronze, fading as darkness overtook the room. Only then did he look again towards the vanished sun, and stared in awe at the shimmering violet that blanketed the sky. It was the same color as Sanzo's eyes. He felt it again, this gnawing hunger that had nothing to do with food.

Rather than pushing it away as he had before, he examined the feeling. He knew that he wanted Sanzo, though it disturbed him how much it was true. He had dreamed of him last night, a hot and sensual dream. Goku closed his eyes, letting the memory fill him. Black-clad arms reached out to him in the dark, heat warming his bare skin. Soft lips caressed his neck, his shoulder, his chest. Violet eyes glinted, drowning him in their depths. Soft moaning filled his ears… Sanzo's? or his own? Their sweat perfumed the air with a heady musk. Their tongues tasted each other, touching tentatively, then growing bolder. He existed only as an extension of his senses.

Goku had awoken from the dream drenched in sweat and trembling. The air was stifling inside the small tent, and he felt as if he couldn't breathe. Hakkai was asleep on the bedroll next to him, so Goku took great care not to bother him as he crawled out of the tent. He stood up as soon as he could and stayed still for a moment, enjoying the cool night breeze. In his haste to get to fresh air, he hadn't considered who might be on watch. A small sound caught his attention and he turned, warily searching the dark for the intruder. He relaxed when he saw a familiar figure sitting beside the jeep, but tensed again when he realized who it was.

"What are you doing up?" Sanzo asked quietly, no trace of emotion in his voice.

Goku took a step forward before he could stop himself, wanting to see the other better. "Sanzo. I had… a dream."

The monk said nothing, just looked at him.

Goku shifted uncomfortably and looked away. "I won't be able to sleep for awhile. Want me to take over?"

"No, I'm fine. Go back to bed."

Goku turned his head at Sanzo's words, drawn by the sound of his voice. He stepped closer and reached out to him. Sanzo didn't move, but something flashed through his eyes that made Goku pause.

"Don't." The word was almost whispered.

Still caught in the fevered images of his dream, Goku ignored him and took another step. He brushed his hand against Sanzo's jaw, lightly caressing it. The monk jerked his head away, but the look on his face wasn't anger.

"Don't. I can't…" There was pleading in that normally self-assured voice.

Goku stared at him. "Why?"

Sanzo didn't answer, just fixed his gaze out into the darkness.

Goku turned and headed back into the tent without a sound.

* * * * * *

Thinking about it now, he again felt the hurt that had coursed through him. Sanzo had turned away from him, pulled away from his touch. The weird thing was that he hadn't turned away in anger, hadn't resorted to the fan or his gun to emphasize his point. What did it mean? Goku would rather have encountered anger; at least then he would know how Sanzo felt about it all. But no, instead all he had seen was uncertainty and confusion. They were strange things to see in the normally so confidant monk. It made him uncomfortable.

The whole situation made him uncomfortable. He tried to sort out his feelings and figure out why. He wanted Sanzo, he knew that. He loved Sanzo, he knew that too. That was a given, he had loved the monk for as long as he could remember. So why, when he should be rejoicing at what had happened, was he so shaken by it? Part of it was that it had happened so fast. They had gone from first kiss to sex in one whirlwind evening, in just a few hours. It was all too much to take in at once. Sanzo had admitted that he cared about him, right? That was more than Goku thought he would ever get, and he smiled to himself at the thought that Sanzo did really care. Not love, perhaps, but it was something.

He was interrupted in his self-discussion by the door being kicked open. Gojyo sauntered into the room and dropped a tray on the table, pushing the door shut behind him.

"Oi, monkey boy. Thought you might be hungry, so I brought you something."

Goku bounded over to the table. "Wow, it smells great! Thanks kappa, I owe you one."

The redhead waved the thanks away. "It's no big deal. Not like we weren't down there already. Besides, I didn't want to listen to your stomach complain all night."

Goku scowled, then turned his face away as he searched for words that wouldn't betray him. "Did you have a good dinner? I mean, you, Hakkai, and… Sanzo."

He earned a sharp glance for that, but Gojyo only replied, "Yeah, Hakkai and I did. Sanzo didn't come down."

Goku wasn't sure if he was relieved or not to hear it. He pulled the cover off his dinner and began wolfing it down.

"Slow down, there's plenty more. And the kitchen is open all night if you're still hungry. At least they are when people carrying a gold card come into town," Gojyo smirked. "Guess there are a few benefits to traveling with the monk, eh?"

Goku jerked his head up in suspicion, but the half-breed had turned away from him, rummaging in his bag for something. As he did, he glanced down, then back up at Goku. "What the hell is all over the floor? A ticker-tape parade pass through while I was gone?"

Goku blushed. "No, I just… I accidentally tore up your paper. Sorry."

"My paper? Oh, you mean the newspaper? That's what's all over the floor? What…Never mind, I don't want to know. You're lucky Sanzo's already read it." Gojyo seemed to be watching him closely, so Goku turned back to his meal.

The next few minutes passed in relative silence as he finished his dinner and Gojyo smoked, shuffling the deck of cards he had retrieved from his stuff. He shoved the empty dishes back onto the tray, placing it outside the door for the housekeeper. When he turned back to the table, he saw that cards had been dealt to his empty seat and Gojyo was looking at him expectantly.

"Poker?"

He nodded his assent and sat down again.

"Five card draw, no wild cards. And since we're both broke, we'll play for…" Gojyo glanced around the room, eyes finally landing on the messy floor, "paper scraps, I guess."

Goku won the first hand easily, which surprised him, as Gojyo normally beat everyone except Hakkai at cards. After losing the second and third hand, he was beginning to think the first had been a fluke. He won the fourth and fifth, though, and his small pile of paper was almost the same size as Gojyo's. He was about to point it out when the redhead leaned over the table to grab a beer and brushed both piles to the floor.

"Damn, that sucks," Gojyo commented, although he didn't seem very upset about it.

"Ero kappa, you did that on purpose!"

"Hey now," Gojyo put his hands up in surrender, "we'll just have to play for something else."

Something in the way he said it made the hair on the back of Goku's neck stand up. "What?" he warily replied.

"I don't know. How about… how about we play for information?"

Now he was definitely suspicious. "What do you mean?"

"You win, you get to ask me any question and I have to answer it. I win, and you have to answer mine."

Goku stared at him for a moment, eyes narrowed, but couldn't think of a good reason to protest. Or something else to play for, for that matter. And it was still too early to go to bed. "That's stupid."

"You have a better idea?"

He shook his head reluctantly.

"Then let's play." Gojyo grinned and dealt the cards.

Goku won the first hand again, but couldn't think of anything good to ask. "Umm… What's your favorite color?"

Gojyo snorted at the simple question. "Definitely not red. Blue I guess, I've never really thought about it. Or green, I like green too."

The second hand was won by Gojyo, but he only asked the same question. Goku blurted out the first thing that came to his mind. "Gold, gold is my favorite."

He blushed when he realized what he had said, but Gojyo didn't say anything, just shot him a look.

The next five or six hands went the same way, both of them winning a few and losing a few, and the questions asked were simple and innocent. Goku began to relax, wondering why he been suspicious of the idea in the first place. It was kind of fun, finding out what animals they liked, what their favorite food was - he'd had a lot of problems answering that one - and trivial stuff like that. It wasn't until he noticed that Gojyo had won the last six hands in a row, and the last two questions had become more personal, that he started to think he had been set up. As soon as Gojyo opened his mouth after winning another hand, he knew he'd been had.

"What happened between you and the monk two nights ago that's made you so jumpy around him?"

Goku panicked. He'd agreed to play, so was obligated to answer the question. It wasn't in his nature to lie, but of course, Gojyo knew that, that's why he'd done this in the first place.

"This is stupid. I don't want to play anymore." He desperately tried to dodge the question.

"Uh uh, you aren't getting out of it that easily. You lost, now answer."

Goku looked down at the table. "Well, we kissed…" He couldn't go on.

"I already knew that. What happened later?"

He looked at Gojyo in surprise. "How did you know?"

"Hakkai mentioned it. Stop avoiding the question."

He was too anxious to be upset with Hakkai. "We..we.." He couldn't take Gojyo's scrutiny anymore. He shoved his chair back and walked to the window. He could see his reflection in the glass, and he peered at it as if it was someone else. Frightened golden eyes in a too young face, wild chocolate hair only partially hiding the golden limiter that kept his bloodlust at bay. He thought with disgust that it was a child he saw, that they all saw. He wasn't a child, though he felt like one now, helpless and weak. The reflection showed him that Gojyo was watching him, a cigarette dangling from his hand.

The half-breed spoke up quietly. "You know Goku, you don't have to be afraid to tell me. I know we don't always get along, but you're still like a little brother to me. I'm not going to make fun of you over this."

Goku could hear the sincerity in the other man's words, and it touched his heart, calming him. Gojyo could be a real pain in the ass sometimes, but he could always be counted on when the chips were down. Encouraged, Goku started out softly, his voice building as he gathered his strength. "I got up to get a drink. He was there in the window, shining in the moonlight, and then… he kissed me. And I kissed him back. We went into his room, and we argued. He was angry that I had gotten hurt to protect him. I was angry that… well, that he was angry, I guess. He told me that he needed me alive, not dead at his feet. Then he kissed me again, and one thing led to another, and… well… you know."

"You had sex."

Quietly. "Yeah."

"Sanzo really told you he needed you?"

"He said I meant too much to him to lose by throwing my life away like that."

Gojyo mumbled something that sounded like "Hakkai was right," but when Goku turned to ask him about it, he just waved it off. "Nothing, just talking to myself. So, this is why you two have been avoiding each other?"

"Yeah. I know it's stupid, but I don't know how he feels."

"Forget how he feels. How do you feel about it?"

Goku paused, gathering his thoughts together. It felt good to talk to someone. "I don't know. I don't regret it. It was great, believe me. But now, I don't know. I'm… scared. What if he thinks it was a mistake? What if he changed his mind and doesn't care about me now?" He was anxious again, running his words together in his panic.

"Calm down. If he didn't care, he wouldn't be acting so weird." Gojyo spoke practically. "Did it change your feelings for him? You still love him, don't you?"

He wasn't surprised that Gojyo knew. It made it easier to say out loud. "Yeah, I do. I love him."

"I doubt having sex changed his feelings for you any more than it changed your feelings for him. Probably scares the hell out of him, though. As for thinking it was a mistake, I don't know. This is a pretty big change between you, and it's pretty sudden."

Goku recalled the uncertainty and confusion he had seen in Sanzo's eyes the previous night. "But what if it didn't mean anything to him? What if it was just casual sex?"

Gojyo snorted. "Casual sex? Sanzo? Somehow I don't think those two things will ever go together. Since when does Sanzo ever do anything 'casually'?"

"Yeah, I guess you're right."

"So what are you going to do now?"

"I don't know. I don't know what to do." He looked at the floor.

"Well, for a start, quit being scared of him. You'll never get past this if you can't even talk to him."

Goku laughed sadly. "I don't know what to say."

Gojyo looked at him sternly, pointing his cigarette towards him to emphasize his point. "I've noticed. But you're just making yourself miserable, and you're both making Hakkai and I miserable. Sanzo isn't going to make this easy, but you have to buck up and face him. Stop acting like he's going to kill you and try acting normally"

"But what if he does want to kill me?"

Gojyo grinned. "Then you won't have to suffer anymore and I'll have more room in the backseat."

Goku scowled at him for a second, then couldn't help grinning back. "You wish!"

"That's the saru I know. And that's the saru Sanzo has grown to like. So be yourself. Quit moping around."

"I'm not a saru!" But he laughed as he said it, immensely relieved that he had been able to talk to Gojyo like this. Then another thought hit him. "Things just got carried away the other night. If it happens again I don't want it to be like that. I want it to be by choice, not by accident."

Gojyo looked at him for a minute before replying. "It may have happened by accident, but neither one of you would have let it get that far if you didn't want it. Sanzo isn't the type to be pushed into something he doesn't want. And neither are you. You're just gonna have to control yourself better; make sure you both agree it's right before it happens."

Goku thought on that for a moment, then nodded. "I think I can do that." He couldn't help but add to himself, 'at least I hope I can.'

* * * * * *

His anxiety quelled, at least for the moment, the evening passed peacefully enough. They returned to playing cards, continuing to play for information, but no other embarrassing questions came up. By the time Goku started to yawn, he found that he knew a lot more about Gojyo than he had before, and he was glad for the chance to get to know his friend better. He got up slowly after their last hand, intending to go to bed, when he suddenly remembered his plan to go down and get food. He wasn't hungry at the moment, but he wanted to grab something for tomorrow.

"Oi, kappa. Want to grab some food from the kitchen? Sanzo might not let us get breakfast tomorrow, so I want to be prepared."

Gojyo readily agreed, and they snuck downstairs, not wanting to let their companions across the hall know they were out and about. The kitchen was empty, but they had been expecting that, so they just left a note detailing everything they took. It took awhile, as they argued over what to take and how much. They ended up grabbing enough food to last an army a couple of days, or at least the two of them and their companions through lunch tomorrow. They also took a couple of cartons of Hi-Lites for Gojyo, and Goku thoughtfully grabbed two cartons of Marlboro Reds for Sanzo. He grabbed a bowl of fruit off the counter as they exited the kitchen, and paused to toss an apple to Gojyo. Picking over all that food had made him hungry again.

They were heading upstairs, laughing over something Gojyo had said, when the redhead suddenly went quiet. Goku looked up to see Sanzo standing at the top of the stairs, looking down at them. He froze, suddenly wanting to be anywhere but there. He felt rather than saw Gojyo look over at him, and remembered their conversation earlier. 'Act like myself, that is who Sanzo has grown to like. Right.' Summoning up his courage, he continued up towards Sanzo. Reaching the top, he turned to face the monk.

"Hey Sanzo. You're up late."

His words seemed to jolt Sanzo out of his reverie. The monk scowled at him and growled, "I could say the same for you two idiots."

"We were just raiding the kitchen." Seeing the blonde's scowl intensify, he continued. "Don't worry, we wrote everything down. They'll put it on the bill in the morning." He seemed to have answered Sanzo's concern, for the man didn't say anything.

They stood there for a second, watching each other warily, when Goyjo came up behind Goku. "Hey, I don't suppose you were going after these?" He held out one of the cartons of cigarettes.

Sanzo looked at him, surprised. "What? Oh, yeah."

"Figured that was what would get you out here this late. Goku grabbed two cartons for you, but we'll put the other with our stores for tomorrow."

Goku started to babble as the surprised gaze was turned towards him. "I thought you might need them… Want some fruit?" Wanting to shut himself up, he extended the bowl to Sanzo, not really expecting the monk to take anything, and was surprised when the man reached out and grabbed an orange. When Sanzo pulled his arm back, their hands brushed, and Goku took the chance to reach out and squeeze his hand lightly. He felt Sanzo start at the contact, but didn't pull back. He kept his eyes trained on Sanzo's face, wanting to see his reaction. The violet eyes locked with his and he smiled gently. "Well, Goodnight."

He and Gojyo turned and headed into their room, leaving Sanzo standing in the hallway staring at them. As soon as the door was closed Goku staggered to the table and dropped his packages on it, then sagged onto the bed, his head in his hands. Gojyo leaned against the wall, a hand clapped over his mouth to muffle his laughter.

"Oh my God." Goku groaned. "That was… hard."

"Yeah," Gojyo gasped, "but did you see his face when you grabbed his hand?"

Goku started to laugh as well, feeling the tension leave him. "Yeah, he did look pretty startled, didn't he?"

They laughed together then, until they were both wiping tears off their faces. As they recovered, they readied themselves for bed, and Goku waited until Gojyo had flopped into bed before turning out the light. He made his way through the dark to his own bed, but only sat on the edge. "Gojyo?"

"Yeah?"

"Thanks."

In the light from the window he saw Gojyo turn onto his side, head propped on his arm. "It's okay. Just come to me sooner next time, why don't you? I won't promise not to make fun of you about everything, but not about the important things."

Goku smiled. "Do you really think I have a chance at this? At getting Sanzo, I mean?"

"It won't be easy - Sanzo never lets anything be easy - but yeah, I think you have a good chance."

Goku lay back on the bed, still smiling. "Night kappa," he said as he drifted off to sleep.

"Night saru. Have sweet dreams of Sanzo."

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A/N:

Thanks, stitcher2ficcer, you know why.

Lots of fantastic reviews to respond to. Thank you, all of you!

Nozomi Anshin: Thanks!

Bakasaru Boi: Hope this was a little bit of relief from all the tension. Don't want to see you sulking in a corner for too long. :)

Am1-13th: I'm glad you liked it!

dream-eater-is-hungry: Tension can be fun!

Me-Nuriko: I'm glad you are enjoying this. I'm looking forward to your upcoming story.

ethereal-tenshi: Here you go. Yeah, they are idiots, aren't they? ;)

Forsaken^On3: I hope this chapter qualified as 'more fun'.

Merf: Was this soon enough for you?

chibisanzo: I appreciate the compliment. I love writing Sanzo!

Crimson1: I was really pleased with that imagery, I'm glad you appreciated it. I know it's sad to say this far into the story, but I'm not sure yet about 5x8. I'm having way too much fun just concentrating on 3x9!

Pervasive Threnody: I just absolutely loved 'Tadaima'! It was wonderful! I know 'believable' is a tough word when you are talking about fiction based on anime characters, but I try!

Li: Welcome to my story, and thank you.

Callie: I agree with you, they are perfect together. Just going to have to wait and see how things work out.

Bleedformeee: That's quite the compliment, thanks! Bad grammar and spelling always puts me off, so I try my best. I also have a fantastic editor!

Zek Majiri: Don't worry, Hakkai can hold his own against Sanzo. You'll get to see them in the next chapter.

Yuki Kurai: 'Fun for the whole family'? Yeah, I agree with you! *grins* And you're welcome, they are quite good.

mabaroshi16: I'm not sure that is a word, but it's fun nonetheless! Glad you're liking this.

VG Terra: Glad to have you here. I'm happy you are enjoying this. 'Sleeping Confessions' is very sweet, I like it!

kyokujitsu no youkai: I'm glad you think I resolved the OOC thing. These guys can be kind of difficult sometimes.