Gensomaden Saiyuki Fan Fiction ❯ Fateful Encounters ❯ Redefining Relationships ( Chapter 19 )

Title: Fateful Encounters [part 19/?]

Author: Enigma

Series: Saiyuki

Written: June - December, 2002

Rating: R

Pairings: (Gojyo + Hakkai)

Category: Shonen ai/yaoi, Angst, Romance, Action/Adventure, Blood, Language. AU-OOC.

Archive: fanfiction.net & mediaminer.org [author: "E-sama the Llama"]

Warnings: shonen ai/yaoi, angst, romance, action/adventure, anime-based bloodshed, crude language matching the characterization of the series, original characters to support the main characters from the anime and not detract from them, medical and other squick, additional warnings and pairings possible as fic comes into being over time. AU-OOC.

Spoilers: Since this is based on episodes 15 & 16 of the anime, there are definite spoilers for them, but there are also minor spoilers for other aspects of the series which I will try to keep to a minimum so readers both new and old can enjoy this tale.

Disclaimer: "Saiyuki" is the property of Kazuya Minekura, et al. All original characters featured herein (including but not limited to: Zan, Long, Kiko, etc.) are © Enigma, 2002, and are not to be used without permission. This unauthorized work of unpaid fanfiction is intended for entertainment only; kindly do not sue me.

Notes: What might have actually happened after Gojyo found and rescued a severely injured Gonou (a.k.a. Hakkai) three years prior to their journey to the west? How will these revelations change not only their own lives but also Sanzo and Goku's as well?

*****

Once the pair had finished their much needed morning meal, Gojyo changed into his usual tee-shirt and jeans, then brought a hairbrush and hair tie to his roommate glad to be getting some help with what was now a hopelessly tangled mass. Sitting very close to the brunette and enjoying the feel of Gonou's gentle hands on his hair allowed the half-breed to relax even further and he totally forgot to worry about whether or not there were any lingering issues from his wild night which they needed to resolve.

As he worked the brush slowly and carefully through the kinks and curls of lightly musk shampoo scented hair, Gonou noted gratefully that it smelled a good deal better now than it had during the night. With this in mind, he wondered if there was a polite way to ask Gojyo about changing the sheets on the bed, but couldn't think of one and so his desire went unspoken, something he tended to do that might eventually cause him more trouble than he could handle alone.

While painstakingly teasing apart a particularly intricate knot in the rich red waves, Gonou's thoughts drifted into dark areas and began to touch on things the former teacher had studiously avoided thinking about until very recently. During the seemingly endless night as he had awaited the return of the person who had initially been only his caretaker yet was now his dearest friend, Gonou had reflected on how he himself felt about Gojyo and found troubling answers.

Where he'd expected to find primarily deep appreciation and trust considering the fact that the half-breed had indeed not only rescued him from certain death but then had changed his entire lifestyle to nurse him back to health, Gonou also discovered a growing sense of attachment as well.

A small voice spoke softly in the quiet, emerald-eyed man's heart saying how very wonderful it would be to remain where he was, enjoying the pleasant domestic peace the unexpectedly complimentary pair shared. Of course, his agonized conscience screamed at him that this could not be allowed since he had one last duty to render unto the girl whose death he mourned before most likely following in her fatal footsteps. The brunette sighed mentally and tried not to wish for the unattainable since he was certain that there would be no returning to this small, comfortable apartment and his easygoing, handsome friend once he left them behind to face either suicide or execution for mass murder.

Another matter that bothered Gonou far less than the growing wish to stay with Gojyo longer than the few remaining weeks of recovery time he knew he had left, was his reaction to the fact that his roommate had left him alone simply to seek carnal satisfaction.

Unlike the gambler, the human-turned-youkai had been unaffected by the types of lustful stirrings the other man had suffered yet he understood the need for release well enough from a scholarly perspective. Perhaps if his past sexual experiences hadn't been so very limited or perhaps if he wasn't in lingering pain and weak from recovery, he might have responded similarly to his attractive roommate, but this was unknown to him and went unexamined.

Instead, what the contemplative man felt was a deep sense of sadness that his kind, outgoing companion had yet to find someone special to call his own.

The very idea that someone as wonderful in Gonou's eyes as Gojyo was would be accepting the luck of the draw by simply seeking any of a number of potential sex partners as opposed to having a stable relationship struck him as terribly regrettable. Granted, it never occurred to him that he himself could ever fulfill that role since his days were numbered as far as he was concerned, but this wasn't the issue so much as a desire to see his cherished friend truly happy was.

Even as the knot in crimson tresses finally gave way under his patient, diligent efforts, Gonou pondered how their life together might have been different if he hadn't been incapacitated as completely as he was. The desire to be useful and to contribute was a strong one in the former teacher's heart and being confined to bed for over two weeks had left him demoralized regardless of what his unfailing though false show of happiness was meant to convey. He was unaccustomed to receiving without giving something back and the debt he believed that he owed his rescuer weighed heavily on his mind.

What the emerald-eyed man failed to take into account was the fact that the person who was currently enjoying his efforts more than he realized had a marvelously generous approach to life and carried grudges against only himself for the most part. In fact, Gojyo would probably have been shocked if he knew Gonou felt he owed him anything at all, but sadly, their time together would never allow such a discussion since they would be forced apart abruptly by a frightening encounter neither could have predicted.

Stroke after gentle stroke of the hairbrush eventually allowed Gonou's sense of self-worth to improve somewhat as he realized that he wasn't as incapable of doing things for his friend as he had thought when he had feared Gojyo might have passed out in the bathroom. Patiently, he continued to ease apart nasty tangles and by the time he was done, the lustrous appearance of his roommate's long flowing hair would be a source of pride for them both.

Not unexpectedly, Gonou wasn't the only one whose thoughts wandered as they sat together on the bed forming the very image of a peaceful tableau of perfect companionship.

Very nearly purring as he felt his companion's long-fingered hands working their way through his hair and occasionally brushing against his skin, the scarlet-eyed teen recalled a special person who had done this for him in the past. When he was very young, Gojyo's elder brother had shown him how to tie back his long, blood red hair so it wouldn't be in his way and it became one of the many ways the true youkai had shown the half-breed that he was loved regardless of his origins. [1]

Every morning, Gojyo would go to his brother's room, brush and hair tie in hand and Jien would always smile fondly at him before patiently stroking away the night's snarls before pulling the brightly colored hair up into a neat tail that trailed down the youngster's back. This simple yet reassuring ritual had been followed faithfully until that horrible day when their mother lost her mind and everything good in their lives was destroyed in a single, horrifying, blood-spattered moment. For once, though, the sadness of the end of their time together as a family was eclipsed by the pleasant memories Gonou's careful attentions were giving him and a slow, contented smile grew near a scarred cheek.

After gathering the silky mass together and brushing it through a last few times so that it was as close to perfect as he could get it, Gonou expertly added the hair tie and then said quietly, "I'm all done."

Pouting as he turned to gaze at his friend, Gojyo complained, "Already? But I was really getting into how good that felt, Nanashi." Receiving a small, genuine smile in return, he brightened and asked hopefully, "Could you do my hair for me again sometime, baby? It was nice to just sit here together like this, don't you think?"

"Yes, it was quite pleasant," Gonou answered truthfully and intended upon offering his services in that fashion on a daily basis if they were desired, but was interrupted by a knock at the door. Handing his friend the hairbrush, he remarked curiously, "I wonder who that could be? Were you expecting someone, Gojyo?"

"No, I wasn't," the half-breed answered with a frown. Gojyo was concerned that perhaps one of the women he'd spent time with the night before hadn't taken him seriously when he'd reiterated his policy that they not come to his home especially since he had someone there who certainly didn't need their interference. Deciding this was unlikely since he'd made it clear that any of them that did violate his preferences would find herself denied his irresistible charms, he shrugged and remarked, "Let me go see who it is, okay?" After dropping the brush on the dresser, he snuck a quick peek at himself in a mirror, beamed delightedly since his hair looked better than ever, and then went to open the door.

Early afternoon sunlight poured through the doorway, causing both men inside the dark apartment to blink as their eyes tried to adjust and a familiar voice exclaimed in relieved tones, "Thank goodness! You *did* make it home after all, Gojyo!"

Continuing to try to get his vision back in order, the gambler sounded surprised as he answered, "Tonpu? Is that you, dude?"

"Yeah, it's me," the friendly, blue-haired man smiled broadly and felt terribly glad to see that his overindulgent friend was alive and well, something he hadn't been certain would be the case based on the prior night's events.

The dark-eyed youth was particularly concerned since he had given up on trying to persuade the drunken lady's man to leave at a reasonable hour and had left the bar while Gojyo had been involved in his third or possibly fourth intimate rendezvous in the backroom. He had been quite worried that the crimson-haired teen might not make it home without assistance, but since he refused his aid there wasn't anything Tonpu could do about it and he chose to turn to more enjoyable pursuits of his own.

Pleased one possible crisis hadn't occurred, the newcomer then greeted the other resident of the apartment brightly, saying, "Hey, Nanashi! How are you doing today?"

Inscrutable mask firmly in place, Gonou offered his faux-smile and replied, "I'm quite well, Tonpu, thank you for asking." In truth, he actually was feeling much better now than before he'd spent some quiet time sorting out his thoughts, but he remained leery of letting anyone other than his trusted roommate see even a hint of his true self very often.

"That's good to hear," Tonpu said hurriedly before turning his attention back to the crimson-haired teen. Giving him an accusing glare, he stated in an exasperated tone, "You sure had me worried last night, Gojyo! I've never seen you drink so much and get so out of control!"

Shaking his head apologetically, the scarlet-eyed man said, "Yeah, I know, Tonpu. That was pretty stupid of me, wasn't it?" Not allowing time for an answer, he continued, "I'm really sorry I was such an asshole to you, too, man. Can ya ever forgive me?" He offered a hand in friendship and was exceptionally relieved when it was clasped without hesitation and shaken warmly.

"Of *course* I can forgive you, Gojyo! What're friends for?" Tonpu replied with a bright smile and then released his gambling buddy's hand, glad that they weren't enemies as he'd feared they might be after being repeatedly told to "fuck off" the night before simply for trying to help.

The blue-haired man wanted to add something about wondering if Gonou might care for some company for dinner again soon since there was news to share, but a lilting alto prevented him when someone called out from across the street, "Hey, Tonpu? Can you meet me back at my place in a bit? I want to drop off the things from the market before we go to the movies!"

Glancing over his shoulder at the retreating form of a slender, package-carrying blond with a delicate build who waved cheerfully and dashed off before Gonou even caught a glimpse of them, Tonpu answered, "Sure thing, honey! I'll be right there!"

Curious, Gojyo squinted against the sunlight and when the figure turned back once more to wave in reply, he realized it was the same girl that had given him what might've been the best fellatio of his entire life the night before. With an astounded smirk, he asked incredulously, "Oi, Tonpu! Is that little dish *yours*?! Whoa, dude! I never thought you had what it took to land such a beauty!"

The dark-eyed man blushed slightly as he answered delightedly, "I know what you mean! That's my new boyfriend! Isn't he cute?" The helpless smile on his face spoke volumes and the fact that he was temporarily off on cloud nine explained why he missed the way the blood drained from Gojyo's face.

Pale and shaken, the crimson-haired man stuttered, "Th-th-that was a *boy*?!" He took an unsteady step backwards and then stood motionless, wondering why he felt like he was falling.

Tonpu beamed at him, nodding vigorously as he said, "Oh yes!" With a wink that made Gojyo's stomach churn uncomfortably, he added confidently, "Vier's 100% male! [2] He's foreign as well as new in town, but we hit it off right from the start! I'm so lucky I met him at the bar last night!"

Suntanned face paling further, Gojyo continued to feel lightheaded as his roommate spoke up, saying politely, "Congratulations, Tonpu. I hope you'll both be very happy together."

There was neither shock nor dismay in the former teacher's voice in response to the disclosure that the friendly blue-haired man who had brought them dinner earlier in the week wasn't limiting himself to heterosexual relationships. Gonou felt that matters of the heart were private things and further believed that gender had far less to do with love than finding someone who made you truly content and fulfilled did, something his soul was still searching for in this lifetime.

"Thanks, Nanashi, I sure hope so, too," Tonpu agreed. There was a wonderfully sweet, faraway smile on his face as he added, "Well, I'd better go! I don't want to keep Vier waiting! See ya later, guys!" Offering a cheery wave to them both, the dark-eyed man turned and rushed off intending to catch up to his new blond beau so they wouldn't miss the opening credits for the new romantic comedy "Stay the Night" playing at the local theater.

From where he sat in bed unaware of what was actually going on, Gonou responded with a brief wave even as he wondered if he'd heard the name correctly or not since it sounded like the German word for the number four, something that struck him as odd. Then he realized his companion hadn't moved or spoken for a few moments and he inquired solicitously, "Gojyo? Is something wrong?"

Shaking himself slightly, hoping to dispel the haze in his mind after the shocking revelation that at least one of the women he'd had sex with the night before was certainly no lady, Gojyo pushed the door shut and then turned to lean heavily against it for a moment. He lifted a shaky hand and ran it over his eyes as he answered truthfully, "I'm feeling a little dizzy, Nanashi."

Worried that perhaps his friend was having a relapse of his hangover symptoms, Gonou reached a hand towards him and asked, "Then why not come sit back down, Gojyo?" A slight inclination of his head indicated the spot on the bed beside him where the crimson-haired teen had found such comfort in having his hair brushed.

Pushing away from the door and nodding slowly, the half-breed made his way back to the bed and slumped down on it dispiritedly, facing away from his friend and letting his arms rest heavily on his thighs with his head hanging down.

Wishing only to comfort his apparently ailing friend, Gonou reached out and rubbed his companion's back in firm, soothing circles as he asked softly, "Do you feel as if you will be ill again, Gojyo?"

"Maybe," the upset teen answered gruffly. Then he buried his face in his hands and sorrowfully admitted the truth since he was too stunned to realize he probably shouldn't say anything at all about an incident he suddenly deeply regretted, moaning softly, "I think I had sex with Tonpu's new boyfriend last night."

"Oh my," Gonou said quietly, but not in horror or anger as he tried to fathom how a man could not be sure if he'd had sex with another man or not.

Even though he'd only shared intimate moments with his recently deceased girlfriend, Gonou had grown up in an all-male dormitory in an orphanage and he certainly had heard other boys bragging about their forbidden explorations of one another's bodies after the nuns went to sleep. [3] Based on that knowledge alone, he felt it highly unlikely that his roommate could have actually had intercourse with another male yet remain unaware of his sex partner's true gender.

"Yeah, 'oh my' is right!" Gojyo groaned in misery. Then he shook his head and without looking up, he moaned softly, "I shoulda known 'she' was too damned good with her mouth to be a normal girl!"

Realization spread in Gonou's mind as to what had actually occurred between the pair and he nodded sympathetically, then offered as gently as he could, "Perhaps you should talk to Tonpu about this, Gojyo. I'm afraid this could easily ruin your friendship with him."

"It's not my *friendship* with him that I'm worried about, Nanashi," Gojyo answered in a voice filled with emotion. Lifting his head out of his hands and turning it towards his companion, he explained in agonized tones, "I'm worried about the fact that I had sex with a *guy* and I liked it! I mean, well, it wasn't regular guy-guy sex or nothing since I didn't get a chance to reciprocate, but still! I don't *want* to be a damned bisexual!"

"Why not?" The former teacher inquired with continued gentleness and a refusal to be drawn into a world of blacks and whites when he believed that the universe only came in infinite shades of gray. "What difference does it make if you both found pleasure in it? Wasn't that what you wanted last night? Simple pleasure?" The question as to what Tonpu's new boyfriend had wanted by approaching the well-endowed half-breed in the first place was left unsaid, there were too many unknowns involved in that particular aspect of Gojyo's revelries.

"Yes, but that's not the point!" The insistent, scarlet-eyed man exclaimed, then proclaimed, "I am *not* bi!"

Gonou shook his head sadly and asked, "Why label yourself one way or the other, Gojyo? Besides, you were unaware of the boy's gender at the time, were you not?"

Snorting in self-hatred, Gojyo replied honestly, "I was pretty 'unaware' of almost everything by that point, baby! It was damned late and I was so shit-faced that I couldn't get it *up* when that damned blond came to me in the first place, that's how I got a fucking *blow job*!" Desperate scarlet eyes filled with self-loathing pleaded for understanding from a shocked emerald one but it was too late.

A burst of color exploded on Gonou's face as his friend's too blunt words registered fully and even though the bedridden man had been trying desperately to help Gojyo cope with such an important issue, he couldn't handle quite this much candidness. [4] Hiding his burning face behind both hands, he said in a tiny, mortified voice, "You *really* need to be talking to Tonpu about this, Gojyo, not me."

Chagrinned that he'd embarrassed his dearest friend so totally as well as feeling like a complete fool for blurting out what he had, Gojyo lifted a hand as if to console Gonou but thought better of it and let it drop back down. With a deep sigh and a nod, he promised, "I'll do that soon, Nanashi." After seeing a small nod of acknowledgement despite his roommate's attractively flushed face remaining covered, he apologized, "I am *really* sorry for putting you on the spot like this, though. I didn't mean to make you upset, baby."

Peering past the fingertips of one hand and wishing he could pretend he wasn't currently blushing like a rose, Gonou replied, "It's all right, Gojyo. Perhaps in the future we should keep such discussions a bit less graphic, yes?" Hoping to ease the tension between them, he smiled and as it crinkled the corner of his eye, he saw the other man begin to relax once more.

"Thanks, babe, for being a far better friend than a brainless jerk like me deserves," Gojyo answered in a slightly deeper, rougher voice than normal. Then he reached out and pulled the embarrassed man into a warm, apologetic embrace, hugging Gonou tightly and letting body language say what words could not.

Deeply appreciative of the gesture, Gonou moved to return it as best he could and after slipping an arm around Gojyo's waist, he rested his head on a strong chest finding comfort in the steady rhythm that beat within it. He sighed quietly, hoping that this endearing person who was confused by sexual identity issues might not limit himself so badly someday and would possibly find the happiness that only a heartfelt love could give him regardless of gender.

Knowing he truly was forgiven for being inappropriately forthright about some of his intimate adventures, Gojyo felt exceptionally relieved and oddly blessed as he ran a hand through soft brown hair, gently renewing the unspoken bond between them. His private vows not to hurt this fragile-seeming man had been bent but not broken and the welcome weight against him reminded him that their friendship was too strong for a few thoughtless words to have caused it any real damage.

The two roommates remained this way for several long minutes, each drawing strength from the other and if only their souls could have spoken directly to one another, the poignant moment would have ended quite differently. As it was, however, neither the spirit of Tenpou nor that of Kenren could breech the surface and take control so that an embrace might have become a kiss which in turn might have lead to the realization that they both desperately needed each other more completely.

Instead, the companionable silence was broken by a small sniffing noise and then Gojyo asked somewhat nervously, "Um, Nanashi? Baby, did you know your PJ's smell pretty rank?"

Chuckling helplessly and then moving within the circle of his friend's arms just enough so that they could gaze at each other face to face, Gonou nodded a little and replied apologetically, "Yes, I'm afraid we slept rather too close together last night, Gojyo. But I dare say that they aren't as fragrant as your own were at the time, though."

Rolling ruby-hued eyes skywards and then slapping the side of his own head lightly, the crimson-haired man answered, "That's right! Damn, I need to do some laundry before the whole apartment reeks like the backroom of the bar or something!" After giving his friend one last squeeze before releasing the hug entirely and getting off the bed, Gojyo smiled down tenderly at the incapacitated man and asked, "How about I get you some fresh clothes and then we can get you *and* the bed changed, all right? Just give me a minute to get everything together."

"That sounds like an excellent suggestion," the brunette agreed easily and then watched his friend bustling about collecting garments from the closet and linens from the trunk near the headboard of the bed.

Within a reasonable period of time, Gonou would be more at ease in garments that didn't have quite so unpleasant an aroma and even though Gojyo would be away from his side yet again to take care of their much needed laundry, he wouldn't mind the solitude. The newly acknowledged thoughts about his feelings for not only his caretaker but also his dim future continued to plague him.

Like Pandora and the contents of her mythological box, the former teacher could no more seal away the welter of worrisome thoughts he'd refused to give consideration to before now that they were loose. They would harass Gonou almost constantly, yet his companion, a man who would discover that more sensible visits to his favorite bar were more than enough to satisfy his sexual needs, would remain blissfully ignorant of them.

Happily, the challenge the gambler faced regarding talking to Tonpu about the seductive boy whose actions had planted a seed of doubt in Gojyo's mind regarding his sexuality would be surmounted far more easily than anyone could have anticipated.

Tonpu wouldn't be surprised that his new lover had sought additional sexual gratification the night they'd first come together since he had discovered the hard way--something that had gotten them ejected from a movie theater for indecent activities, no less--that the little blond's libido outpaced even Gojyo's quite handily. The level of sheer insatiability the androgynous youth expressed would prove to be too much for the dark-eyed man and with regret, Tonpu and Vier would part ways before the crimson-haired teen ever even had a chance to discuss it with his friend.

Instead of accusations of interference with a new love affair, Gojyo would receive understanding and compassion from Tonpu. Over the months and years to come, the blue-haired man would become a trusted confidante as the half-breed slowly, cautiously, began to explore the possibility that bisexuality could be a healthy mindset, something he couldn't do before encountering Vier. Despite eventually coming to the conclusion that it was acceptable to enjoy intimate relations with another man, it was unclear what it might take for Gojyo to finally act upon a wish to share such things with the person whose soul was linked to his own for all eternity.

As far as Gonou was concerned, however, destiny held incredible pain and suffering before he could even think of such things as his own sexuality or even romance. There was a quest to fulfill as well as a life-altering encounter with three supernatural entities who had the ability to take that which was torn asunder and create something new. The Sanbutusin were in many ways nothing more than tools for Kanzeon bosatsu and yet they weren't without amazing powers of their own, something that a certain doomed man would discover in only a few short weeks.

*****

To be continued.

Author's Notes:

[1] I must plead guilty yet again to inventing some background for these marvelous characters, but since chibi-Gojyo's hair is always tied back in the flashbacks that include his brother, this seems like a reasonable explanation to me. Hmm, having this in mind makes me wonder if Dokugakuji might ever offer similar treatment to Kougaiji and if so, doesn't that make a pleasing mental image as well?

[2] Can you guess the inspiration for this decidedly naughty original character based on the physical description and his name? As some of you may have already surmised, Vier is based loosely on Quatre Raberba Winner from "Gundam Wing" who was selected for this brief, non-recurring role primarily because I hoped it might give a special reader a smile. The reader in question is my kitten, Ryoko, who spotted him immediately in chapter 18 and found his presence here a pleasant surprise. Ah, success. Or, as we in the GW world say, "Ninmu kanryou!" By the way, that means "mission accomplished" for the non-GW folks out there.

[3] This is more speculation on my part, but since this type of activity is so common among young boys who tend to experiment a great deal, it shouldn't seem unbelievable to anyone. When I recalled the episode in the anime that deals with how isolated and lonely the young Gonou was at that point in his life, it was sad to acknowledge that he would most likely have been excluded from such "social activities" as well as others. No wonder he goes to so much trouble to avoid showing his true self after being rejected for so long, ne?

[4] Can anyone resist a blushing bishounen? I know I frequently can't and since Hakkai is so damned cute in the series when someone--usually Gojyo, of course!--embarrasses him enough that his cheeks go pink I simply had to find a way to include that here.