Gensomaden Saiyuki Fan Fiction ❯ Fateful Encounters ❯ A Sorrowful Confession and Painful Encounters ( Chapter 22 )

Title: Fateful Encounters [part 22/?]

Author: Enigma

Series: Saiyuki

Written: June - December, 2002

Rating: R

Pairings: (Gojyo + Hakkai)

Category: Shonen ai/yaoi, Angst, Romance, Action/Adventure, Blood, Language. AU-OOC.

Archive: fanfiction.net & mediaminer.org [author: "E-sama the Llama"]

Warnings: shonen ai/yaoi, angst, romance, action/adventure, anime-based bloodshed, crude language matching the characterization of the series, original characters to support the main characters from the anime and not detract from them, medical and other squick, additional warnings and pairings possible as fic comes into being over time. AU-OOC.

Spoilers: Since this is based on episodes 15 & 16 of the anime, there are definite spoilers for them, but there are also minor spoilers for other aspects of the series which I will try to keep to a minimum so readers both new and old can enjoy this tale.

Disclaimer: "Saiyuki" is the property of Kazuya Minekura, et al. All original characters featured herein (including but not limited to: Zan, Long, Kiko, etc.) are © Enigma, 2002, and are not to be used without permission. This unauthorized work of unpaid fanfiction is intended for entertainment only; kindly do not sue me.

Notes: What might have actually happened after Gojyo found and rescued a severely injured Gonou (a.k.a. Hakkai) three years prior to their journey to the west? How will these revelations change not only their own lives but also Sanzo and Goku's as well?

*****

A full month had passed since the rainy night Gojyo found an almost fatally wounded stranger in the woods near his hometown and despite not being fully recovered, Gonou had decided it was time to say farewell.

Dressed in an outfit that had been a gift from his roommate comprised of gray pants, a soft yellow tee-shirt and a deep green overshirt that matched his eyes perfectly, the brunette straightened the small apartment for the last time and then sighed softly to himself. Dr. Long's exercises had paid off handsomely and his ability to walk had been restored, yet the abdominal muscles remained weaker than they should have been and he tired easily.

Glancing up from the newspaper he'd been only half-reading when he heard the sound that he knew indicated that his friend was feeling some level of pain, Gojyo asked, "Are you all right, Nanashi?" Scarlet eyes were filled with a sense of foreboding and he added, "Maybe you ought to take it easy, babe. Sit down and rest a little, okay?"

"No, no, I'll be fine, Gojyo," Gonou answered with a gently sad smile which faded into his neutral mask all too easily and caused his companion to feel even more disheartened than before. As he accepted the invitation and sat across from the half-breed at the small table where they shared their meals now that he was no longer bedridden, he said cautiously, "Actually, I wished to speak to you for a bit. Um, if you aren't busy, that is." Nervousness filled his voice and disproved the emotionless façade he had tried to erect.

Scowling slightly, the crimson-haired man answered with a hurt tone, "Since when have I *ever* been too busy to talk with you, baby?" Setting aside the newspaper, Gojyo added with sadness of his own, "So, you've decided to leave, haven't you?"

"Well, yes, I have indeed," Gonou replied with continued nervousness. Then he firmed his resolve and explained, "But before I go, I wanted to tell you the truth about what happened to me before I came here. You've done so much for me. You rescued me, gave me some of your blood, cared for me when I couldn't care for myself, and since then you have given up far more than anyone could ever ask for simply to see to it that I recovered, I feel as if I owe you an explanation."

Reaching across the table and brushing back the coffee-colored bangs that threatened to conceal the emerald orb revealed to him less than a week prior, Gojyo said quietly, "You don't owe me a single thing, Nanashi." Offering a tender, fond smile, he admitted, "I did all that because I wanted to, baby, no questions asked. Maybe I was being selfish keeping you the way that I did, but in all honesty, having you here has done me a world of good and I wouldn't change a thing."

Guilt flashed across his roommate's handsome face and as Gonou dropped his gaze away to focus on where his hands twisted together in his lap, he answered softly, "You may not feel that way after I tell you the truth, Gojyo."

With a deep, heartfelt sigh, the human-turned-youkai then began to divulge his painful secrets telling his friend more about Kanan and the way her kidnapping had plunged him into the depths of madness which in turn lead to mass murder. He recounted what little he could recall of the insane period of his life which ultimately resulted in the deaths of 999 youkai prior to arriving at his lover's jail cell only to discover the braided girl didn't want him to rescue her. She preferred suicide to living with the knowledge that a barbarous act of rape had caused a half-breed fetus to begin to grow within her and she simply couldn't handle the enormity of it all.

Even as the foolish girl's lifeblood was cooling on Gonou's grief-stricken face, Chin Iisou had arrived intent on insanity of his own. After slashing his opponent's belly wide open, the vengeful creature had deliberately slashed his own arm open and drizzled his blood into the brunette's gaping wound, thereby transforming Gonou into a youkai, one far more powerful and dangerous than any he had ever imagined. The resulting battle between them had a predictable conclusion and even though Gonou left behind what he correctly assumed was a corpse, the madman would still find a way to reanimate himself and would return to trouble him in the future.

At this point in the narrative, Gonou paused for only a moment, frowning slightly because of a disturbing hole in his memory. Then he admitted that he had no idea how he was transported from the terrible confines of the charnel house he himself had created in the castle where Kanan had died, nor did he know the origins of the three ear cuffs that constrained the demonic force within himself.

There was no way for him to have known that Kanzeon bosatsu herself had intervened having plucked him from the very jaws of death as he remained in youkai form, bleeding to death rapidly without sense to seek assistance. She had provided the inhibitors he would need to fulfill his destiny and then deposited him directly in the path of the current incarnation of the soul his own had been bound to for over 500 years. [1]

When the narrative brought Gonou to the point that Gojyo himself had become involved, his words ended and with a sad sigh, the brunette fell silent awaiting the anticipated denunciation from the half-youkai now that he knew the man he'd rescued had killed so many of his father's race. To his amazement and partial disappointment, no such condemnation was forthcoming.

Leaning back in his chair, stunned yet not horrified by his friend's revelations, Gojyo pondered how best to respond to this almost overwhelming flood of information. He knew that there had to have been something terrible in the emerald-eyed man's recent past to explain his condition when he was found as well as the sadness which washed over him on a regular basis, but now that he knew the truth he truly regretted facing it. Now more than ever, he was convinced that if he allowed Gonou to leave his home he wouldn't see him alive ever again and it caused a dreadful ache in his heart.

Running a shaky hand through lengthy crimson hair, Gojyo sought words that would express the welter of feelings that was brewing within him yet none would come to mind.

Forcing himself to look up after his companion remained silent longer than anticipated, Gonou remarked softly, "Perhaps this is part of my penance. Your hair and your eyes remind me of the color of blood, Gojyo."

"Say what?!" The nineteen year old asked in astonishment. Never before had he encountered anyone who shared his view of the way the ancient taboo branded him for all the world to see and he could hardly believe that he'd finally found someone who saw it this way just in time to lose him forever.

Nodding apologetically, the brunette explained, "The vivid reds in your coloration have reminded me on a daily basis of what I had done and what I must atone for. I apologize if I have offended you, but I wanted to say this by way of thanking you for helping me to not forget my duty to not only Kanan but to all those who I have slain as well."

Struck dumb once more by yet another major revelation from his companion, Gojyo remained where he was lost in thought and growing increasingly desperate to find a way to prevent this tragic figure from leaving his side despite the knowledge that it was inevitable.

Misreading Gojyo's silence for rejection, Gonou assumed the time had come for him to end not only the one-sided conversation but also his time of comfort and friendship. Rising from his chair and approaching the front door intending to depart under cover of darkness hoping to not meet Tonpu or anyone else as he left the village, he felt horrible to have ended their sweetly affectionate relationship on such a sour divisive note.

"Wait," Gojyo called, reaching out a hand beseechingly. When emerald eyes turned towards him filled with pain and regret, he sighed and implored, "Before you go, Nanashi, won't you at least tell me your real name? All this time, I haven't asked for reasons that now seem pretty damned stupid, but please? Tell me?"

The expression of longing in ruby-colored eyes asked for much more than a name and it warmed his companion's chilled heart enough, that Gonou turned around and walked back towards him, a genuine though woeful smile on his lips.

Wishing they could turn the clock back enough to spend one more night together preferably resting in one another's arms as they hadn't done since the night everything changed after Gojyo lost control at the bar, the former teacher said, "Certainly, Gojyo. It's the least that I can do to answer any questions you may have left about me. My name is--" His words were interrupted by a knock at the door.

Blinking in surprise and annoyance since they weren't expecting guests, Gojyo called out loudly, "Just a second! I'm coming!" As he went to see who it was, he glanced at Gonou and added more quietly, "Hold that thought, okay, baby? I'd rather hear what you have to say after I get rid of Tonpu or whoever the hell this is interrupting us."

"As you wish, Gojyo," Gonou agreed easily, staying out of the way and out of sight as the front door opened to reveal a man in long, saffron-colored silk robes with a sutra draped over his shoulders.

"Yeah? What can I do for you?" The half-breed inquired of the stranger even as he recalled that the last time a monk came to his home unexpectedly disaster had followed in rapid succession and he hoped history wasn't about to repeat itself.

"I hear a murderer named Cho Gonou is living with you. I'm here to take him to face justice," Sanzo demanded without preamble.

"Never heard of him," Gojyo answered with a cocksure smirk even as he stepped outside and closed the door firmly behind him fully intending to protect the man inside regardless of what this newcomer wanted.

As Gonou leaned against the door, fear and horror crossed his face as he heard an argument erupt outside between the two men. The sounds of physical violence being exchanged between them were unmistakable.

Both the blond and the redhead were giving as good as they got in the forms of personal assaults that would leave them both badly bruised and sore later even though they wouldn't admit it. The brunette wasn't sure what to do until the sudden loud discharge of a pistol from close range sent a bullet slamming through the door, narrowly missing his head and he simply couldn't take it any longer.

Yanking the door open suddenly and feeling terrified that his friend had been injured by whomever was shooting at the home they had shared until that night, Gonou shouted, "Gojyo!! Are you all right?!"

"Get back inside!!" Gojyo commanded too late to prevent Sanzo from confirming that the half-breed was indeed harboring the criminal he'd been sent to retrieve.

With a furious snarl, the violet-eyed man attempted to push past Gojyo and get to Gonou yet found himself thrown painfully to the ground by the redhead who shouted to his roommate to take the opportunity to escape. Even though commanding him to leave hurt the gambler deeply, he feared that if the brunette who already found so little in life worth living for was unable to complete his self-assigned mission, death would claim him all the sooner.

Torn between wanting to stay to help the man who had saved his life and the automatic desire to obey Gojyo regardless of what was asked of him, Gonou hesitated a fraction of an instant too long.

"Damn it all, get your ass out of here!!" The half-breed screamed while pressing the priest's face into the ground regardless of the punishment he himself would face for intervening the way that he had.

After snarling angrily at the man who held him captive as the brunette began to make his escape, Sanzo shouted, "Goku!!"

Springing forth from wherever he had been concealed while his guardian had gone to investigate their best lead, the umber-haired boy asked eagerly, "I just have to stop him, right, Sanzo?" Not waiting for a reply, he rushed after the fleeing man and leapt at him only to find his attack blocked with unexpected power. Thrilled beyond all reason, Goku exclaimed how delighted he was that his opponent was so strong and resumed the attack, unknowingly reopening some of his opponent's incompletely healed abdominal wound.

Fighting for consciousness as incomprehensible pain raced through him, Gonou scrambled for the priest's gun which had gone flying when Gojyo had successfully restrained Sanzo and pulled it up in time to prevent another debilitating strike from Goku who wisely backed off rather than be shot by the mystic weapon.

"Please! I need a little time, just a little time!" Gonou pleaded with not only the boy he held at bay with the Smith & Wesson but also the robe-clad man who he somehow knew had no intention of letting him escape if he could prevent it. Terrified, apologetic emerald eyes turned towards horrified scarlet ones and he added, "That man has nothing to do with me! Please don't punish him, he had no idea who I really was or what I'd done."

This earned him various snarls and remarks none of which he truly heard or took to heart and then he added in the most profoundly desperate voice Gojyo had ever heard, "I am so very, very sorry to have dragged you into this, Gojyo. I don't deserve it, but maybe someday you will be able to forgive me for it." With this as the poor replacement for the tender and heartfelt farewells the pair would've preferred to have exchanged, he turned and raced away into the darkness as well as his bleeding body could take him.

"Oh, fuck!" Gojyo exclaimed as Sanzo finally forced him off and sprang to his feet, then whirled and landed a solid right hook to his jaw for no reason other than simply needing to expend some energy. [2] Laying on the ground and rubbing his aching face, he gratefully noted that the priest was more interested in getting his young companion back under control than immediately pursuing Gonou. The crimson-haired teen silently bid the now absent brunette a safe journey along with a wish that he might find an alternative that would spare his life even though he felt that was highly unlikely.

Realizing that immediate pursuit of the fleeing murderer was pointless, Sanzo dusted himself off and reached for a Marlboro which he put to his lips without a second thought.

"Aren't we going after him, Sanzo?!" Goku asked urgently, wanting to continue the fight with a worthy opponent the likes of which he had rarely encountered. In point of fact, one of the worst things about living in the temple with Sanzo was the distinct boredom the strange youth felt as well as having no one to enjoy some of the rough and tumble fun most teenaged boys enjoy. A good fight was a real treat to him.

"Not right now, we aren't," the blond snarled and cast a dark look at the half-breed who was rising from the ground and looking far too relieved to hear the news. Raising an eyebrow challengingly, he added in a somewhat snide, superior tone, "He didn't look like he was going to get very far anyway."

Gojyo's expression fell and with a heavy sigh, he cursed, "Well, damn." Looking at the other man casually smoking, he added with annoyance, "Ya know, asshole, after putting a hole in a man's door and then letting your attack-ape beat the crap out of his roommate before running the guy off, the least you could do is to offer him a cigarette!"

"Sorry, all out," Sanzo responded sarcastically, then crumpled the empty pack and tossed it negligently onto the ground.

"Fine, fine," Gojyo growled in low fury and spat, "Just *be* that fucking way! I'll just have to go get some of my own, you bastard!" Then he stalked back inside his home not caring when Goku brightly invited himself inside with a remark about being hungry.

Ignoring both of his uninvited guests as Sanzo joined them, the half-breed shoved a hi-lite between his lips and guiltlessly lit up for the first time inside his own home in slightly less than a month. He sank down with his back pressed against a wall and closed his eyes, shutting out the sight of Goku liberating a large dish of food that Gonou had prepared and left for Gojyo as a gift before departure.

With a heavy sigh as he heard the others talking briefly about a puppy or some such thing he couldn't have cared less about, Gojyo miserably scratched at his scarred cheek and regretted to the very bottom of his soul that he'd opened the door mere minutes earlier. He'd lost the chance to let the man he'd only known as Nanashi tell him his name himself as well as what had most likely been his final opportunity to caress soft brown hair he would miss desperately. The image of the two of them embracing one last time floated past his mind and he might've sobbed in frustration that they'd been denied that as well if he hadn't been pulled out of his thoughts by a surprisingly civil inquiry.

"So, you really didn't know who he was or what he'd done?" Sanzo asked, truly curious despite his usual attempt to act aloof and uncaring.

"No shit, Sherlock! What the *hell* do you think I was saying that for *earlier*, moron?!" Gojyo snapped at him, then his expression softened a little as he asked, "What were you planning to do with him after you caught him, anyway?"

"I've been sent to bring him in for judgement by the Sanbutusin," Sanzo answered with a shrug, not bothering to explain who or what the immortals who guided his path truly were. After taking a deep drag on his cigarette followed by a slow release of smoke, he added negligently, "What happens to a common criminal like him past that is none of my concern."

"Ne, Sanzo?" A youthful voice asked around a mouthful of food. "Are you sure he was the guy we were sent after? I didn't sense anything evil or bad about him and I can't help thinking those dopey floating heads made a mistake this time."

Casting the boy an inquiring glance, the violet-eyed man recalled Goku's inherent and inexplicable ability to "read" people and if the youkai said Gonou wasn't intrinsically malicious he believed it and found his assignment even more confusing and therefore interesting. Frowning slightly, Sanzo answered, "It doesn't matter what you or I think, Goku. If I'm sent after someone, it's my job to go get them. Either way, I'm quite sure he *was* Cho Gonou whether he said so or not."

From where he remained on the floor not the least bit pleased with any of this, Gojyo grumbled, "Ya know, that name does *not* suit him in the least. [3] Belatedly realizing that Goku was busy consuming the food his roommate had prepared for him, Gojyo angrily pointed at the boy and demanded, "How much longer am I supposed to feed your monkey over there, huh? I never invited him to raid my fridge!"

"Who're you calling a 'saru', you kappa you?!" Goku spat back before leaving the table to cross the few feet between them and get into the first of what would later become a traditional and strangely comforting ritual of name calling between the two of them.

"I know a damned monkey when I see one!" Gojyo responded hotly, half-glad to have a target for some of his anger and frustration.

"I'm Goku!" The equally annoyed teen answered loudly and added for good measure, "My name is Son Goku *not* 'monkey' or 'bakasaru' or anything else, you redheaded creep!"

"Well, moron, I'm Sha Gojyo," the half-breed growled then added snidely, "but I doubt that miniscule brain of yours can remember that!"

"I could if I wanted to, kappa, but I don't care!" Goku snapped at the elder teen, then turned his back on the man and flung himself down onto his chair again so as to enjoy more of Gonou's parting gift which Gojyo would never even get a chance to taste.

Tired of this pointless conversation, Gojyo glared at Sanzo still wanting an answer as to why he was allowing the boy to feed so freely from a stranger's larder.

Apparently realizing he owed the man at least some form of response, Sanzo shrugged slightly and commented, "Goku went without eating or drinking for five hundred years. He needs to get his constitution back I would assume."

The look of disbelief on the crimson-haired teen's handsome face was priceless and since it allowed some peace to return to the room, the blond was glad to have found a way to put an end at least temporarily to the warfare between the two youkai.

After easily disposing of more of his meal, the golden-eyed boy asked in a quieter voice, "Ne, Sanzo? What *do* you think will happen to that guy after we catch up to him?"

"I don't really know, Goku," Sanzo answered with an indifferent shrug. The situation was becoming increasingly complex and his suspicions that there was far more to the matter than met the eye were growing stronger with every passing moment.

With a sigh, Gojyo remarked, "I don't see how you're going to 'catch up to him' just sitting here. Besides," his eyes darkened with a knowledge that he wished he didn't have and then said sadly, "I don't think he's coming back anyway. He had something he had to do and after that, I'm pretty sure he's planning to die. He's just that kind of a guy."

"Damn," Sanzo cursed too quietly to be heard by the others then said flatly, "Then we'll have to get going and find him before that can happen. I'm almost certain I know where he's going anyway. Goku, let's go."

"What's the deal?" Gojyo asked in confusion, then said with a frown, "I thought you were sent to take him for 'judgement'. Wouldn't a mass murderer like you say he is just be facing execution anyway? It saves you some trouble if he offs himself for you, doesn't it?" The very idea of what he himself had just mentioned renewed the pain in his soul, yet he couldn't leave the question unasked.

"No, asshole," the blond growled, "I was sent to bring him in and if he dies before I do that, it'll be a pain in my ass! Come on, saru, time to go!"

"Okay, Sanzo," the boy agreed pushing the now empty bowl aside and getting up from the table ready to follow his guardian to the gates of hell if that's what Sanzo asked him to do.

Ruby-colored eyes filled with deep emotions watched the two strangers who had turned the peaceful world he'd shared with Gonou upside down preparing to leave and without hesitation, Gojyo said, "Wait." When they turned towards him in silent inquiry, he added, "Take me with you."

Sanzo gazed at him for a long moment, trying to determine what the man's true agenda was and then shook his head once before turning and walking away from the half-breed not caring whether he followed them or not. Goku didn't say anything at all since he trusted his blond friend to handle things for them both as far as the redhead was concerned.

Standing in the open doorway of his now terribly empty apartment, Gojyo contemplated the fact that he most likely had no way of ever finding the man who he'd nursed back to health on his own. But since the priest seemed to know where the brunette might be, he didn't want to miss a chance to see his cherished roommate once more. Worse, the very idea that Gonou might die alone somewhere in the near future left a cold, sinking sensation deep inside himself that he simply couldn't tolerate.

Coming to a predictable decision, Gojyo set out in the same direction the other two had gone intending to at least try to sort out his feelings enough to know what he might say to his green-eyed friend when and if they found him again. He paid no attention to the bullet-ridden door that closed behind him as he walked into the night and even less thought was given to what he might do if they arrived too late and all that was left of the man he had rescued was a lifeless corpse.

As he followed the path which lead away from the village that the blond and the umber-haired boy had taken, Gojyo noted a dark shadow flying back and forth across the moon and glanced up at it.

A large bird with black feathers that shimmered with an oily sheen seemed to be searching for something and even though it was odd that a crow would be out at that late hour, there was an aura of malevolence to the animal that was almost visible.

The bird's raucous cries caused the tiny hairs on the back of Gojyo's neck to rise and he redoubled his efforts to close the distance between himself and the other two searchers. No matter what was about to happen, if at all possible he intended to see the man he'd become so fond of once more.

An unexpected memory rose in Gojyo's mind. The previously lost recollection of a heartfelt, caring, and undemanding kiss finally broke free and it nearly sent him reeling.

Like a flashflood, images of the horrible day when what should have been a time to remember a child whose life had been beset by tragedy had turned bitterly painful swept through Gojyo's awareness. The hurt he'd felt in response to Zan's unintentionally cruel words echoed within him, yet that hadn't been what nearly caused him to stumble on the trail. It had been the previously forgotten comfort his cherished friend had given him that sad afternoon which struck him like a physical blow.

"How could I have forgotten something like that?" Gojyo asked himself in disbelief. He ran a shaky hand through loose hair and in a small, almost prayerful voice, the half-breed pleaded with the uncaring heavens, "Just let me be there for him tonight the way that he was for me that day. Please?"

His only reply was a sudden screech from the bird overhead as it located the prey it sought, then the loathsome harbinger of sorrow to come rocketed away heading in the same direction Sanzo and Goku had gone.

"He…" Gojyo stated to himself tentatively at first, then with greater certainty, "he *needs* me!"

Fully committed to following the route destiny had chosen for him, the half-breed increased his speed and rushed forward now quite certain that time was running out even though he had no evidence whatsoever that the ominous crow had anything to do with the situation.

Far above in a place beyond time and space, Kanzeon bosatsu watched approvingly as four souls whose fates had been intertwined centuries prior approached the foreordained rendezvous where they would be truly though only temporarily reunited after far too long. There was more blood as well as tears to be shed before the matter was settled, yet these too were necessary ingredients in the goddess' eons old scheme to ultimately bring together five unique beings who would one day journey westward together in an effort to save the world.

*****

To be continued.

Author's Notes:

[1] After mentioning the observation that Gonou arrived at Gojyo's feet with the ear cuffs already in place way back in chapter 1, several readers suggested divine intervention and even though the anime failed to address this issue, I decided this was the only logical explanation. Therefore, the role the goddess played in that matter as described here is purely of my own invention, yet I hope it rings true sufficiently with the kind readers that no one decides to kill me for it.

[2] While I realize that in the anime, Sanzo is *not* shown leaping to his feet and decking Gojyo after the fight outside the apartment, it seemed illogical and out of character for him not to, so I had him do that here. The same goes for some of the dialogue and the sequence of events which have been adjusted as explained previously in several author's notes.

[3] Both Gojyo and Goku mention that they don't feel "Gonou" suits our verdant-eyed brunette and I've often wondered why. If anyone can enlighten me, I'd appreciate hearing about it, but for now I will reiterate the script based on Minekura-sensei's work and hope it still makes sense later when the mystery is solved.