Gensomaden Saiyuki Fan Fiction ❯ Fateful Encounters ❯ Moments of Truth ( Chapter 23 )

Title: Fateful Encounters [part 23/?]

Author: Enigma

Series: Saiyuki

Written: June - December, 2002

Rating: R

Pairings: (Gojyo + Hakkai)

Category: Shonen ai/yaoi, Angst, Romance, Action/Adventure, Blood, Language. AU-OOC.

Archive: fanfiction.net & mediaminer.org [author: "E-sama the Llama"]

Warnings: shonen ai/yaoi, angst, romance, action/adventure, anime-based bloodshed, crude language matching the characterization of the series, original characters to support the main characters from the anime and not detract from them, medical and other squick, additional warnings and pairings possible as fic comes into being over time. AU-OOC.

Spoilers: Since this is based on episodes 15 & 16 of the anime, there are definite spoilers for them, but there are also minor spoilers for other aspects of the series which I will try to keep to a minimum so readers both new and old can enjoy this tale.

Disclaimer: "Saiyuki" is the property of Kazuya Minekura, et al. All original characters featured herein (including but not limited to: Zan, Long, Kiko, etc.) are © Enigma, 2002, and are not to be used without permission. This unauthorized work of unpaid fanfiction is intended for entertainment only; kindly do not sue me.

Notes: What might have actually happened after Gojyo found and rescued a severely injured Gonou (a.k.a. Hakkai) three years prior to their journey to the west? How will these revelations change not only their own lives but also Sanzo and Goku's as well?

*****

Even as he pursued the criminal his guardian had been sent to retrieve, Goku's enhanced senses alerted him to the fact that they were no longer alone on the path.

"Ne, Sanzo?" Goku asked curiously. "I think that weird redheaded guy is following us. Want me to stop him?"

After drawing a slow drag on his cigarette thoughtfully, Sanzo replied quietly, "Don't worry about him, saru. Whoever the hell he is, he's got his own burdens to carry and I don't want to add them to mine."

Shrugging since he didn't have a clue what the blond man was really referring to, Goku accepted this easily, saying, "All right, Sanzo. If you change your mind later, let me know and I'll get rid of him."

"Hn," Sanzo snorted softly without agreeing or disagreeing.

As they proceeded beneath the moonlit sky, the priest contemplated the odd, disquieting sense of déjà vu he had felt upon seeing Gojyo and Gonou together for the first time. Despite his title and his upbringing in overwhelmingly religious surroundings, Sanzo didn't place much weight on the importance of past lives, the eternal cycle of death and rebirth, or even destiny. Comfortable in his arrogance, he preferred to think that a man could be what he alone chose to be and to acknowledge that fate controlled him in any way, shape, or form annoyed him greatly.

All that aside, however, Sanzo couldn't deny that he'd felt something unexpected when facing the two strangers. It was as if he recognized them, yet he knew it was impossible since he'd never laid eyes on them before in his life. Whereas the souls of Tenpou and Kenren were close enough to the surface of their current incarnations' minds to effect dreams, that of Konzen was far more stringently suppressed and ignored, hence the idea that he was encountering friends from the past was simply inconceivable.

Eventually, Gojyo caught up to Sanzo and Goku yet initially remained carefully apart from them for fear that another outburst of violence could erupt between them and thereby delay his anticipated reunion with the person he still thought of as "Nanashi".

Conversation between the three men as they walked together was sparse at first, yet when it turned to the meaning of the half-breed's unusual coloration, it sparked a certain anger and low burning self-hatred within Gojyo that needed an outlet.

Clasping a thick lock of crimson hair in his hand, Gojyo stated flatly, "You're a priest, ain't ya? Then you should already know what this coloring means." The words were almost spat out, yet the fury was directed elsewhere and not at Sanzo as he explained, "I'm one of the so-called 'sons of taboo'. The youkai who fathered me, fucking philanderer that he was, couldn't be happy with just one woman in his bed and the second one he chose was a human. I'm marked for all the world to see, yet *he* was the first person I ever met who saw it the same way that I did." There was no doubt in any of their minds who he was referring to, the fleeing brunette being the only thing on Gojyo's mind at that point much as Gonou had been for some time now whether he was willing to admit it or not.

"Oh?" Sanzo asked, not particularly caring about an answer, he just wanted the irate teen to finish venting and shut up again.

"Yeah, Nanashi said it looked like the color of blood to him," Gojyo sighed, dropping the lock of hair in favor of pulling out his pack of cigarettes and seeking another dose of nicotine. As he added a small flame to the tip of the hi-lite, he sighed and added, "He said it's what reminded him that he had one last thing to do for his dead girlfriend. Fuck, if that's the case, I wish I'd dyed my hair black or something."

Sanzo growled an expletive and then pointed at the nineteen year old accusingly as he retorted, "Spare me the self-pity, fool!" An old hurt glimmered beneath the surface of furious violet eyes as he snarled, "Cho Gonou chose his own path and the fact that your hair is red had nothing to do with it! Besides, blood isn't the only thing that's red in this world! Any number of things could've reminded him of that, so just cut the crap."

Gojyo was about to respond equally angrily, but a sudden physical pain overrode that intention and he exclaimed, "What the hell are you *doing*, bakasaru?!?" Batting at the boy who was tugging on his long crimson hair, he demanded, "Let go of my hair, brat!"

Gazing slightly askance at his young charge, Sanzo asked, "What did you do *that* for, ape?"

Shrugging nonchalantly, Goku released his handful of hair minus a few strands that had broken within his superhuman grasp which then drifted to the ground as he replied, "It looked like flames to me, Sanzo. I wanted to see if it was hot." Amethyst and ruby eyes rolled in disgust and disbelief simultaneously, and then Goku changed the subject entirely by asking in a slightly sad voice, "What'll happen if we're too late? What if we get there *after* that guy kills himself like this guy said he might?"

Sighing, Gojyo interjected, "'Gojyo', baka. My name's 'Sha Gojyo', not 'this guy', and we'd better *not* be too late. I just spent a damned month getting him healthy!" His heated words gained a different, more desperate tone as he added equally strongly, "It sucks to be me if he's dead when we find him!"

"He won't be dead," Sanzo growled around his Marlboro with annoyance. With a growing sense of certainty, he then explained in atypical detail, "The Sanbutusin wouldn't have sent me on a fool's errand if we weren't going to be able to complete the assignment. From the very start I doubted that this was actually nothing more than a simple retrieval job, but now I'm fairly sure there's a lot more going on here than any of us even know."

Both Goku and Gojyo cast Sanzo curious glances, but neither asked for clarification even as they all silently agreed to increase their pace. The priest and the two youkai then hurried towards a rendezvous with a man whose probable suicidal intentions were now at the forefronts of all of their minds.

*****

Quite a distance ahead of the three men who were following him, Gonou leaned against a rock wall for a moment and clutched a hand to his bleeding abdomen.

Wincing with agony, he commented sadly, "It would appear that I have undone much of the doctors' hard work." Peering at his bloodied hand the verdant-eyed man sighed deeply, and added to someone who couldn't even hear him, "I am so terribly sorry, Gojyo."

There was no way for the former teacher to explain precisely what he was apologizing for, it seemed simultaneously too obvious and yet not obvious in the least. The sense of guilt and remorse Gonou felt for the way he'd left his dear roommate behind after the violent arrival of the two strangers swept through him and with a supreme effort he fought the desire to collapse on the ground in both physical and emotional misery.

The weight of Sanzo's Smith & Wesson in his other hand tugged at his awareness and Gonou shook his head, regretting the fact that he couldn't return it to its owner. Even though the priest had indeed used the sidearm against someone he cared for deeply, the brunette felt it was wrong to keep someone else's property.

After tucking the gun into the waistband of his pants just to get it out of his way, Gonou reached into a pocket and pulled out a watch with a broken crystal which he gazed at for a moment. The timepiece had been a gift from the child-like girl who he needed to say farewell to and as he held it tightly against himself, he silently asked her yet again for her forgiveness for being absent when she'd needed him most.

Recollections of the hideous day his world began to fall apart rose in the injured man's mind. He continued to clutch at his wounded abdomen as it dripped blood onto the woodland trail far too freely as Gonou wondered how he'd failed to sense the danger Kanan had been in when she'd been taken forcibly from their home.

"I felt nothing," the despondent man said to himself in a distant, empty voice. Shaking his head and ignoring the fact that he was beginning to feel faint due to blood loss, Gonou asked rhetorically, "Isn't a person supposed to feel *something* when the one they love is in danger that way? I had always thought as much would be the case, yet when it happened, I was unaware of it and merely enjoyed spending time with my students, teaching them the last lessons I would ever be honored to give them."

With a deep, melancholy sigh, he spoke aloud as if his dead girlfriend could hear him, "Ah, Kanan, I have failed you so badly. I shall always regret not being there when you needed me."

Gonou lifted his head and noted the direction he needed to go as he resumed his journey, never once wondering if perhaps the reason he'd failed to sense her moment of peril could have been because he'd mistaken deep affection for love. Yet another thing he refused to consider was what condition the child-like girl's remains would even be in once he found them again. A full month of decomposition without burial should have rendered them gruesome in the extreme, but this was inconsequential to a man whose self-reproach and guilt had festered until they had no limits and blinded him to certain aspects of reality.

Distantly Gonou wondered if he could even make it to the castle where Kanan had committed suicide as deep red droplets of blood continued to ooze between his fingers and down onto the earthen trail beneath his feet. Focusing on merely putting one foot in front of the other in his quest, he missed the sound of a bird's raucous cries as a large crow sped across the night sky headed straight for him.

The fifth and final player in a bloody drama foreordained by Kanzeon bosatsu was about to enter in a most dramatic fashion and with him would come new heights of sorrow as well as possibly the only chance Cho Gonou had of surviving this most difficult of nights.

*****

A short amount of time had passed for the three men who were pursuing Gonou when, suddenly, an overwhelming sense of terror exploded in Gojyo's awareness and he shuddered violently as he exclaimed, "What the fuck was *that*?!" A recently lit cigarette dropped unnoticed from nerveless fingers as he tried to get his runaway pulse back under control.

"What was what?" Goku asked, puzzled by the outburst since he'd not detected any changes around them.

Glancing nervously from side to side, Gojyo answered uncertainly, "I don't know. It felt like something icy just ran down my spine or something." He frantically continued to search the area around them seeking the source of the overwhelming sense of foreboding which had hit him with almost palpable force.

Listening to the interchange with more interest than he would've admitted to, Sanzo watched the two youkai from the corner of his eye and when Goku's amber eyes widened slightly he knew the boy, too, was reacting to something his human senses couldn't detect. With a carefully modulated tone that concealed his keen interest in the situation, the blond asked, "What is it, Goku?"

"Blood," the boy said then narrowed his eyes as if he could see the airborne scent trail which was alerting him to danger. Then he explained in a dark, worried tone, "I smell blood, Sanzo. More than before. Over there!" Pointing in the direction they were headed anyway and thereby passing his fear to the others, he received a nod of approval before he raced away with the others hot on his heels.

*****

At the exact same time that Gojyo felt the cold touch of the unknown reaching for him, something quite different was reaching for Gonou.

Having descended in a silent flurry of feathers the terrifying color of an oil slick, the last member of the Crow clan attacked without warning, viciously slamming the already bleeding brunette to the ground. The infuriated youkai tossed the dead body of an eyeless crow in front of Gonou's shocked countenance, proclaiming, "This was my brother! A youkai *you* blinded and then killed without so much as a second thought, you human scum!"

From his spot on the ground, unable to catch his breath and more than certain the harsh impact with the earth had further aggravated his wounds, Gonou forced his eyes onto the small corpse and then, with a nod, he drew himself unsteadily to his feet.

Forest green shirt hanging open and revealing a spreading stain of red upon his previously butter yellow tee-shirt, Gonou calmly lifted his hand to his face, saying, "Ah, then you wish for me to balance the scales of justice, do you not? In that case, I shall begin by removing my right eye, then the left." As he sank the tips of two fingers into the socket above the emerald orb which had only been unveiled a mere week before and matched them with his thumb from below, he began to quite seriously go about the terrifying business of rendering himself blind.

"N-no!" The crow clansman backed away from Gonou, thinking him insane or worse to be doing what he was.

Hot blood splashed out onto the palm of Gonou's hand as he failed to note the youkai's reaction to his self-mutilation even as he indicated aloud that next to be removed were his ears and then his nose, as well.

"Stop!!" Goku's voice rang out suddenly. Before anyone could react, he leapt onto Gonou's shoulders and wrested the gore-slick hand away even as the two of them fell to the ground in an ungainly tangle of limbs.

Breath lost from his body entirely, Gonou merely lay beneath the youth and blinked up at him with his uninjured eye.

"Don't *do* that!" The boy insisted, then added, "I was just thinking how pretty those green eyes of yours are! Don't ruin them!"

Slowly, the injured eyelid parted and revealed a newly damaged eye that was at least present in its socket still if nothing else. With the first gasp of air he could get, Gonou asked in amazement, "What…?!" He wished to say much more, yet one word was all he could manage and then he coughed weakly trying to get enough oxygen not to gasp liked a newly landed fish.

Sanzo and Gojyo had followed Goku with haste, but now that it appeared that he had things under control, they both hung back slightly waiting to see what might happen next.

Shaking off the temporary astonishment caused by the rapidly changing situation, the Crow clansman resumed an offensive posture and stated, "I still intend to kill you, Cho Gonou! You must pay for what you have done to my brother and to my clan, as well!" Realizing that the two newly arrived men might try to interfere, he asked Gojyo and Sanzo warningly, "Are you going to try to stop me?"

Sanzo pointedly glanced away and didn't honor the youkai with a response of any sort.

Lighting a cigarette and acting as if he truly did not care--something that couldn't be farther from the truth, of course--Gojyo commented, "Do whatever you want, I won't interfere. However," he dropped the hand which held the now smoldering tobacco so that the other youkai could look him in the eye and thereby see the sincere intent to destroy him if need be, "as this worldly monk once told me, people who kill tend to be killed in return. That's the way things are." He had glanced towards Sanzo while he spoke and caught an answering gleam of dangerous intent in icy amethyst eyes in response to his words.

The Crow clansman cast an apprising gaze at the half-breed, recognized him for the danger that he was, yet chose to continue his attack on Gonou. With a scream of fury, he dashed towards the fallen man who was finally free of the young earth spirit that had saved his right eye from destruction.

Ageless lightning fast reflexes kicked in and without conscious thought, Gonou pulled Sanzo's gun from where it had been concealed, pointed it straight at the approaching youkai, then fired without hesitation. The violent recoil of the weapon caused the injured man to practically fall backwards even as the Crow clansman's high-pitched death wail filled the air eerily before his figure transformed into that of a dead bird which fell to lie beside his deceased brother.

Flinging the cigarette he'd just lit aside, Gojyo sprinted towards the wavering form of his former roommate, moving quickly enough to gather Gonou into his arms before the wounded brunette could collapse onto the cold, hard earth.

"Nanashi!" Gojyo called urgently, not wishing for the man in his arms to pass out before he could talk to him. "Are you all right?! Nanashi, speak to me!!"

Gasping for the breath that he simply couldn't get enough of, Gonou rested heavily against his friend's familiar and cherished form for a moment, then replied in a misery-filled voice, "I shall be fine, Gojyo." A barely suppressed groan of agony preceded a desperate inhalation so that he could add, "Please, do not be concerned."

"Bullshit!" Gojyo insisted hotly, then proceeded to give his one time patient a quick examination that only added to his levels of unhappiness. "Shit, baby, you tore yourself up again! Damn it all to hell, I should've never opened the goddamned door tonight!"

Desperate to calm the person he'd come to treasure whom he'd thought had left his life forever, Gonou sought words to assure Gojyo that none of this truly mattered, yet failed due to the temporarily overwhelming pain he was suffering. So great was his misery in fact, he didn't even truly appreciate the comforting scent and warmth of Gojyo's body as he wearily rested his head against the half-breed's bare chest even as his own torn abdomen was revealed to the moonlight.

The gaping wound was nowhere near as large as it had been the night Gojyo had found him in the forest as per Kanzeon bosatsu's plans. However all it took was the merest glimpse of internal organs through a tiny slit in the wall of abdominal muscle to cause the half-breed's complexion to turn ashen. For the most part, there was a great deal of blood and far too much of the recently torn and still weak muscles were exposed where there had only been scarred skin previously.

As he examined the wound, Gojyo silently cursed himself at the same time that he was desperately trying to formulate a plan whereby to get his former roommate to appropriate medical assistance. In his heart, the crimson-haired man soundly chastised himself for failing to be a better protector of the brunette than he had been, something that would not have pleased Gonou in the least since he could never blame Gojyo that way.

Standing to one side, Goku watched the other two youkai with a curious gaze that he then turned towards Sanzo asking wordlessly what was really going on and what they should do about it.

Shaking his head in negation only once, the priest reached into a sleeve-pocket and withdrew a large square of raw silk which he then calmly began to tear into long, even strips, thereby destroying the cloth that had once bound a minor injury suffered during a walk in the woods. [1]

Realizing what his guardian intended, Goku quickly removed of his own maroon overshirt so he could pull off the white undershirt he'd worn that day and began to mimic Sanzo, rendering it, too, into usable bandages for the wounded man. After the priest handed him the strips of handkerchief, the umber-haired youth quietly made his way over to Gojyo and offered the thick collection of fabric pieces, saying, "Here. Will these help him?"

Grateful scarlet eyes peered up at worried amber ones and with a nod, Gojyo accepted the much needed gifts, saying, "Thanks a lot, kid. These ought to work just fine." He'd missed the involvement of the aloof blond who was currently gazing at the moon as if it fascinated him beyond words otherwise Gojyo would have offered him thanks, too, even though they were unwanted.

*****

During the time it took to cleanse and then tightly wrap Gonou's abdomen once more as well as to cover over the damaged eye plus care for a few minor injuries that had almost gone unnoticed, Gonou had a chance to catch his breath. Between barely voiced apologies to Gojyo for dragging him into possible danger, the brunette valiantly fought back the desire to cry aloud his frustration.

Whereas he was filled with a bittersweet joy at having found himself one last time in Gojyo's strong and reassuring arms, Gonou was equally filled by an unquestioned belief that his quest had ended prematurely. It was the knowledge that he would most likely not be allowed the final farewell which had been on his mind ever since that fateful day when he'd awakened for the first time in Gojyo's bed which overpowered what should have been a happier reunion with his best friend.

Once the injured man was sufficiently bandaged that travel was once more possible, something the half-breed deliberately took his time doing fearing it might be his last opportunity for such, Gojyo rose fluidly to his feet then gave Gonou a hand up from the cold ground.

Shoulders slumped in defeat, Gonou rested his sole line of sight on the ground at his feet and sighed softly, "Well, I guess this is it, then." Glancing at Sanzo for only a split second and then dropping his eye once more, he stated, "You have caught me, sir. I presume you will now take me to those who sent you and I shall never see dear Kanan again after all."

Taking a final drag on yet another Marlboro and then flicking the glowing ember away, Sanzo spat testily, "I won't take you *anywhere* if I've got to listen to that 'poor me!' shit the whole damned time! I'd rather shoot you and put you out of my misery, but since that would only piss off the Sanbutusin, I guess I'll just have to prove to you how fucking futile it is to even try to say goodbye to someone who's already dead." He said nothing more, merely turned and stalked off in the direction they had been moving towards prior to being interrupted by the Crow clansman.

Gonou was startled by not only the pronouncement but also the apparent offer to assist him in completing his quest. After a wordless request to Gojyo that he not interfere with the priest since Sanzo was helping him obtain his objective, the brunette fell into step behind Goku who had already taken off after his guardian's retreating form.

"Shit," Gojyo sighed and shook his head before accepting the position of rear guard for the odd procession.

As he watched Gonou's clearly pained form doing his best not to stumble on the path, the half-breed shoved impotent hands into his pockets and followed while mumbling to himself that he was glad to have at least gotten a chance to see his friend once more.

Gojyo struggled to suppress an almost instinctual desire to merely scoop Gonou up into his arms once more, cradle him close as he had so often in the past, and immediately make their way home again so that Long could care for Gonou's injuries. With a deep sigh, he reminded himself that such interference would most likely gain him the verdant-eyed man's hatred as well as who knew what level of negative reaction from the irritable blond and he just kept walking.

*****

The group of four walked through the remainder of the night and eventually they arrived at their destination, a place that was much changed since Gonou had last seen it. Instead of the mighty fortress the castle had once been, now there was nothing more than the pile of rubble left behind by whatever force had seen fit to destroy it in the previous few weeks.

Horrified, Gonou froze in his tracks and then sank to his knees moaning softly, "no! oh no!" His words caught in his throat painfully as he pleaded, "oh, please, no! this can not be!"

Both Goku and Gojyo gazed at the ruins of the once proud structure unaware of their true meaning, yet regretting being witness to further misery the injured man was being forced to endure.

Without even a glimmer of remorse for adding to Gonou's sorrow, Sanzo stated flatly, "Do you see now? Trying to say goodbye to someone who can't even hear you is a waste of time."

Nodding before burying his face in his hands to hide the mournful tears he was weeping, Gonou said nothing in response. He had taken solace in his plan to finally hold Kanan's body one last time to bid her farewell the way Chin Iisou had prevented him from on that horrible day everything had changed. Now, however, that was out of the question and his goal would go eternally unachieved. Visions of his own death swam enticingly before his eyes and if Gonou hadn't already returned Sanzo's gun he would not have been long for this world.

Trembling with a combination of fear, rage, and frustration, Gojyo found himself temporarily immobilized by his own uncertainty.

On one hand, the half-breed wanted desperately to go and take his best friend into his arms once more, to offer the silent comfort of human contact and warmth in the hope that perhaps Gonou might not be overwhelmed by all of this to the point of self-destruction. On the other, he felt a sense of fury which was directed at the cocky and uncaring holy man who dared to taunt an already defeated individual. Overall, though, he felt dreadfully frustrated by his inability to choose a course of action that might bring his cherished friend back from the edge of sanity.

Awareness of the meaning of the sutra hanging forgotten around the robe-clad man's neck entered Gojyo's mind and with it came a small, vague hope. The first timid rays of dawn crept over the horizon as he approached Sanzo and asked pointedly, "You're a priest, right? Aren't you supposed to say a sutra for the souls of the dead or something? Help them on their journey or some nonsensical religious crap like that?"

Grinding the cigarette he'd just finished under the sole of one of his sandals, Sanzo replied coldly, "I don't waste my time on the dead, moron, or hadn't you figured that out yet?"

Resisting the urge to grab the insolent man by the collar and forcing him to show some compassion, Gojyo gestured towards the kneeling figure nearby who was suffering so greatly, wordlessly begging him for some measure of kindness even if it went against Sanzo's nature.

With a soft snort to indicate his agreement or perhaps to imply Gonou was weak to even need such reassurance, Sanzo reached into a sleeve-pocket and drew forth two of the symbols of his rightful position as one of the highest practitioners of his religion. He then brushed past Gonou purposefully drawing his attention before sitting down cross-legged on the barren ground and placing the crown and scarf onto his head and reminding them all of just what the term "sanzo" really meant.

Goku, Gojyo, and Gonou all watched silently with various emotions on their faces as Sanzo pressed his hands together and began to chant a timeless prayer.

The sun rose behind the blond priest, back-lighting his figure in glowing yellows, oranges, and reds. The sunshine surrounded him like an aura of holiness as if he were an image from a gold-enhanced religious portrait instead of being merely a mortal man with flaws and foibles like any other.

Time moved at its own pace as Genjo Sanzo's words were felt more than heard by those who were destined to experience an epic journey westward with him in only three short years. Each soul present received at least some of the sustenance it needed to keep going and when the prayer would end, the brief time the foursome had spent together again for the first time in five hundred years would be over.

The current incarnation of a general from long ago would soon be summarily dismissed and eventually a certain immortal earth spirit would find his own path diverting from that of the physical manifestation of an ancient bureaucrat shortly thereafter. The body which contained the spirit of a celestial strategist would accompany that of a former friend for a final trek that would end in both death and rebirth. Sadly, the marshal's soulmate's modern form wouldn't be aware of the truth as quickly as he might have been otherwise and at least one key thing would be quite different by the time they were reunited once more.

*****

To be continued.

Author's Notes:

[1] As I am sure many of you are already well aware, I am yet again attempting to close a plot-hole from the anime. Whereas it was quite clear that Gonou's eye was bandaged following the confrontation with the Crow clansman, at no point was it ever made clear where said bandages came from, so this is my solution which also ties in an earlier scene from this story.