Gensomaden Saiyuki Fan Fiction ❯ Fateful Encounters ❯ Forced Apart by Fate ( Chapter 24 )

Title: Fateful Encounters [part 24/?]

Author: Enigma

Series: Saiyuki

Written: June - December, 2002

Rating: R

Pairings: (Gojyo + Hakkai)

Category: Shonen ai/yaoi, Angst, Romance, Action/Adventure, Blood, Language. AU-OOC.

Archive: fanfiction.net & mediaminer.org [author: "E-sama the Llama"]

Warnings: shonen ai/yaoi, angst, romance, action/adventure, anime-based bloodshed, crude language matching the characterization of the series, original characters to support the main characters from the anime and not detract from them, medical and other squick, additional warnings and pairings possible as fic comes into being over time. AU-OOC.

Spoilers: Since this is based on episodes 15 & 16 of the anime, there are definite spoilers for them, but there are also minor spoilers for other aspects of the series which I will try to keep to a minimum so readers both new and old can enjoy this tale.

Disclaimer: "Saiyuki" is the property of Kazuya Minekura, et al. All original characters featured herein (including but not limited to: Zan, Long, Kiko, etc.) are © Enigma, 2002, and are not to be used without permission. This unauthorized work of unpaid fanfiction is intended for entertainment only; kindly do not sue me.

Notes: What might have actually happened after Gojyo found and rescued a severely injured Gonou (a.k.a. Hakkai) three years prior to their journey to the west? How will these revelations change not only their own lives but also Sanzo and Goku's as well?

*****

Following Sanzo's invocations, the group of four eternally bound souls had parted ways and the long, solo journey back to his apartment was a solemn one for Gojyo despite the bright sunshine and singing birds that accompanied his every step.

Watching his recently injured ex-roommate walking away in the company of the two strangers with his shoulders bent and head hanging down had nearly broken the crimson-haired teen's heart, yet it was exclusively Gonou's decision to make and not his.

"Damn it all to *hell*!!" Gojyo eventually shouted and slammed a fist into an unoffending tree trunk feeling only moderately better when his hand screamed at him in sharp agony due to the rash action. Shaking his head angrily, he asked the uncaring woods around him, "How could Nanashi just take off with that phony monk like that?! I mean, shit, I understood even before he told me about what all he'd done that he was pretty miserable and kinda messed up inside, but what made him think he could trust a creep like that? Anybody who wears those damned 'holier than thou' robes but still smokes like a chimney, swears worse than I do, and shoots a fucking gun at a guy for almost no reason can't be trusted in my book."

Not feeling the least bit comforted by his unanswered soliloquy, the scarlet-eyed teen kicked at a stone as he continued to walk hoping that the distance he needed to cover might numb some of the ache in his heart.

The previous month had left him a changed man and Gojyo certainly didn't deny it. In fact, he welcomed some of the changes like finally learning to cook as well as discovering that he had a great deal more patience with the quieter aspects of life than he might have believed possible. Hours on end spent keeping the bedridden man company had never been boring and in retrospect he fully acknowledged how nice it had been simply to know that when he woke up there was someone nearby who truly meant it when they wished him a good morning.

Heaving a deep sigh, Gojyo admitted grudgingly that there were a few changes he wasn't as pleased with. The incident with Vier haunted him as it would continue to do so until the day he accepted that aspect of his sexuality more easily. He was also bothered that he could no longer pretend to be nothing more than the easygoing slacker that he'd acted like for so long if for no reason other than the simple reality that he'd not only saved a man's life, but had also nursed him back to health.

"Oh, yeah, I'm a regular hero," Gojyo remarked sarcastically as he pondered what it really meant to have preserved a life that was now in someone else's untrustworthy hands. Recalling the way his request to accompany the other three had been flatly denied by the blond priest, he sighed sadly and muttered, "I just wish I'd had the balls to stand up to that Sanzo jerk. I just know I should've gone with them to that temple to make sure Nanashi stayed in one piece."

Images of the handsome brunette facing his death by the decree of some force that truly did not know or appreciate him filled his mind and as a sense of déjà vu swept over him, Gojyo shivered miserably. Burying hands that suddenly felt cold into the pockets of his jeans, he failed to note that his body language now mimicked that of his absent companion. Head down, shoulders slumped, the once cocky gambler was the very picture of a man who had indeed lost his best friend.

"Oh well, nothing to be done about it now," the saddened half-breed sighed in a woebegone, defeated voice, "I might as well just get my ass home and go back to being useless."

The remaining journey was made in relative silence as Gojyo forced himself to focus on putting one foot in front of the other and trying to not think about his former companion quite so much, an effort that was doomed even before it began. The man who had slept in his bed had captured his heart in a manner he couldn't explain and Gonou's absence pained him as if Gojyo had left a part of himself in the care of the indifferent blond priest.

*****

At the same time that Gojyo was making his way home to an empty apartment, Gonou was doing the best he could to come to terms with being denied the opportunity to say goodbye to the only lover he had ever known in the way that he had hoped to.

Flashbacks of the terrible day when Kanan had ended her life and inadvertently caused his own to be altered forever washed through Gonou's mind. Rapid fire memories assaulted him. The child-like girl's last smile. The glint of his own blade in her hand. The splash of hot blood in his face. Chin Iisou's demonic face leering at him. The wrenching agony of his first transformation into a youkai. Then nothing until he awoke in Gojyo's bed and found the friendly half-breed gazing down at him.

Thinking of the first moment he had seen the crimson-haired teen would've given Gonou cause to smile under other circumstances, but now it only deepened the frown on his face as he recalled the expression on his former caregiver's handsome face as they had parted ways. The brunette had seen a depth of sorrow he'd not expected, yet as long as he was unaware of the way Jien had abandoned his younger brother--something that seemed to be happening all over again for Gojyo--he would never understand it fully. The fact that neither of them thought they'd ever see one another again only made it worse, and with a quiet sigh, Gonou just kept moving forward as best he could.

Deep within himself, the soul of a celestial strategist cried and lamented having been so close and yet so far from its eternal mate. However, since Gonou was unaware that he had once been Tenpou, all he knew was that the sorrow he felt for having placed Gojyo into such a painful situation far outweighed the remorse he felt over losing a chance to touch Kanan's earthly remains a final time.

To know that the cherished man he had slept beside, had embraced, had kissed, and had grown to love in a manner he had no name for had borne witness to his attempt to gouge out an eye which had once brought Gojyo joy, cut Gonou to the very core. In fact, the sorrow he felt over causing his former roommate distress was felt more deeply than the lingering pain from his hasty actions was.

While it had been Goku's timely intervention that had prevented him from following the age-old code which demanded an eye for an eye, upon realizing that he and the Crow clansman were not alone, Gonou had immediately sought a face he adored only to see abject terror etched upon it. The thought that he had failed yet another person that he cared deeply for merely added to the burdens on his heart and he trudged forward like a man already condemned to death whose hope and energy had been destroyed by the sentence.

Keeping one arm tightly around his waist to help the bandages prevent the worsening of his injuries, Gonou considered each twinge of agony he felt something he deserved and he never once spoke of the considerable pain that accompanied every footfall.

*****

Leading the way yet finding any number of excuses to throw a casual glance at his prisoner, Sanzo found himself perplexed by the quiet man whose actions and words ran counter to the impression he had of Gonou based on the debriefing he'd received from the Sanbutusin. Yes, the verdant-eyed man had openly admitted to being a mass murderer, yet there were fundamental flaws in the logic of the entire situation. However, before he could puzzle the matter out more fully, a soft, familiar noise distracted him entirely.

Walking beside Sanzo and trying very hard to be well behaved and quiet, Goku clutched an embarrassed hand to his middle as if to silence the vast emptiness that was his stomach. None of them had eaten since the night before, but in all honesty, neither of the two older men accompanying him could've eaten anything at that point. On the other hand, neither of them had spent five hundred years fasting in solitude the way that Goku had.

As usual, the attempt to ignore the unique youth's fundamental needs was short-lived and with an exaggerated sigh of annoyance he truly didn't feel, Sanzo inquired, "You're hungry again, saru?"

Peering up at his guardian, amber-gold eyes large and apologetic, Goku replied, "Yes, Sanzo. I'm sorry, but the last time I had anything to eat was at that guy, um, uh, I mean at *Gojyo's* place." His stomach interrupted him with a louder complaint and then he shrugged and said, "I really am sorry, Sanzo."

Noting that the path they were on split a little bit ahead of them and realizing that one branch led back to the town where the temple they lived in was located whereas the other led to the one which housed the Sanbutusin, Sanzo nodded in acknowledgement. He then reached into a sleeve-pocket as he chastised, "Don't apologize for being what you are, ape, it's a waste of time." Drawing forth a small pouch that contained some cash which he tossed to Goku, he added meaningfully, "Get some food for yourself on the way home."

Gratefully tucking the bag of money into a pocket with a small smile, Goku expressed his appreciation in a slightly more subdued fashion than usual out of respect for the withdrawn brunette who hadn't heard a word of their conversation, "Thank you, Sanzo. I'll do that." Casting a gaze at Gonou, he added nervously, "Um, is he going to be okay, Sanzo? I mean, the Three Aspects won't make him suffer too much, will they?"

Snorting softly in a display of false indifference, Sanzo answered, "How the hell should I know, Goku? They'll do whatever they want to regardless." Amethyst eyes followed the track of amber ones and with a tiny sigh he hadn't noticed breathing, he added, "I don't have a clue what will happen, but it will probably take a few days. Stay out of trouble while I'm gone this time, understand, saru?"

Offering his guardian an earnest smile and a nod, Goku promised, "I'll try, Sanzo. I won't bring home any more puppies."

"Good," Sanzo forced himself to growl for the sake of keeping face, then pulled out his cigarettes and a lighter to indicate that the youth was dismissed.

Realizing it was time to get going since his stomach was now snarling like a caged tiger, Goku then stepped closer to the withdrawn former teacher and, after resisting the urge to tug on his sleeve, he asked, "Ne, Gonou?"

Pulling himself from his reverie, Gonou replied, "Yes, Goku? Did you need something?" The faux-smile on his lips meant nothing yet it was there all the same, some habits die hard.

Uncertain how to say farewell to someone he'd injured even before meeting them properly, Goku nervously looked at the toes of his boots for a moment, then looked up once more and said earnestly, "I'm really sorry I hurt you like I did. Are you feeling any better yet?" [1]

Continuing to smile falsely yet now hoping to express a certain amount of forgiveness with the expression, Gonou responded with a lie which he hoped might give the apologetic youth some measure of comfort, "Yes, Goku. The bandages you gave to Gojyo for me are helping quite a lot. Do not feel badly about it."

"But, I made you bleed real bad and everything," the boy responded unhappily. Goku was truly disturbed by the fact that he'd brought misery to someone who he knew at a level he didn't understand had always been kind and caring towards him even if it had been in another incarnation half a millennium prior.

"I realize that," Gonou agreed, then put a hand on the youth's shoulder much the way that Tenpou always had when a much younger Goku had been distraught centuries past. With a small, hopefully reassuring smile on his lips, he explained gently, "There was no way for you to have known that I was recovering from such a horrible wound, Goku. Please do not worry over it. The pain will be gone soon, I'm quite sure of it."

"Oh? Good," Goku grinned brightly, pretending that he didn't understand that the other man was referring to his own presumably impending death. Making certain he kept his bravest expression in place, he added, "Well, I need to leave now since I'm not going with you guys. I hope I get to see you again sometime, Gonou! I think we could have a lot of fun together."

Sadness flooded Gonou's tired heart since he believed such a desire was a wasted one. Pushing those dark thoughts aside, he nodded placidly and replied, "That would be nice, Goku. Have a safe journey."

"I will!" Goku answered cheerfully then bounded away towards the town and its numerous eateries while calling back, "I'll see you later, Sanzo! Gonou! Bye!!"

Raising one hand in a wordless gesture of farewell, Gonou silently wished the unique youth the long and happy life he himself would play no role within, then went back to keeping his eyes down and letting his thoughts consume him.

"Dumbass monkey," Sanzo growled out of force of habit if nothing else.

The violet-eyed man had carefully monitored the conversation between his prisoner and the boy whose upbringing had been entrusted to him and had found it surprisingly unworthy of further comment. Idle chitchat was never something Sanzo had much patience with, yet he'd assumed Goku would say something or other that wouldn't sit well with the criminal he was escorting which would in turn become a problem he'd have to sort out.

Luckily, or so Sanzo thought at the time, that hadn't been the case and the two of them continued on their way without further discussion of any sort.

*****

The day would slip past as they made their way towards the temple of the Sanbutusin. Eventually the silence would begin to grate on Sanzo's nerves, yet he stubbornly refused to strike up a conversation and since Gonou was lost in his own pit of despair, none would be had at all between them.

Upon their arrival, they made their way up the seemingly endless stairs at the front of the sanctified structure only to be greeted by an elderly monk holding a pair of heavy manacles connected by a short, sturdy chain ready to restrain the dangerous murderer Cho Gonou.

As the brunette uncomplainingly offered his wrists to the robed man, Sanzo spoke up. In an annoyed tone, he stated flatly, "Those won't be necessary!"

"No, no, that's fine," Gonou interjected, encouraging the monk with a miniscule though honest smile, "Please, go right ahead."

The elderly bald man shot a glance at Sanzo who simply looked away refusing to be involved, then proceeded to lock the thick cuffs around Gonou's wrists, physical evidence that he was truly a prisoner if nothing else.

Gonou peered down at the palms of his hands and unexpectedly a slow, amazed smile grew on his lips. He felt strangely freed by the simple act of being bound. Now that his fate was in the hands, so to speak, of a much higher force than himself, he was certain his death was imminent and that knowledge carried with it a release from the weight that had burdened his heart for so long.

Continuing to gaze at his hands wearing that odd, almost frightening smile, Gonou realized he wasn't seeing the phantom red of blood that he had seen each and every time he'd looked at them since he'd awakened in Gojyo's bed. When thoughts of his former roommate came to mind, though, the smile faded away like a beautiful yet vulnerable snowflake caught in a harsh beam of bright sunlight. The expression of sorrow in beloved scarlet eyes as they had parted without so much as a farewell embrace haunted him and he offered yet another silent apology to his absent friend.

Once again observing yet finding nothing to say, Sanzo was bemused by the human-turned-youkai's strange behavior, yet merely said, "Let's go."

The sutra-bearer led the way down countless hallways foregoing any effort to seek food or drink despite the fact that they both needed some, he wanted to get the audience with the Sanbutusin taken care of as soon as possible. This entire chain of events was preying on his mind and somehow spurring him to reexamine not only his prejudices about his prisoner but also some of his assumptions about himself.

The pair approached a massive set of doors no mere human could ever have opened and as they both drew a steadying breath, a deep, resonant and utterly otherworldly voice intoned, "Genjo Sanzo Hoshi. The criminal Cho Gonou. Enter."

Sanzo gave his companion a look that wordlessly inquired whether he was ready or not, but the expression of grim determination on the other man's face indicated that there was nothing to say and no reason to delay. The doors swung open of their own accord and just that simply, Gonou found himself confronted by the trio of beings who would indeed end his life as he knew it.

*****

As he trudged wearily into his apartment several hours after nightfall, Gojyo called out automatically, "I'm home, Nanashi."

Dead silence.

Realization that he was once more completely alone washed over the crimson-haired man and with a sigh, he added to no one, "Never mind."

Wishing with all his heart that a gentle tenor might call his name and ask how his evening was the way Gonou always had each night after he had gotten in from the bar, Gojyo walked over and sat disconsolately on the edge of the empty bed. Never once had the brunette given him a hard time for returning to his side reeking of sex and alcohol after a night's entertainment apart from him. But as miserable as he was at that moment, the lady's man would have welcomed even the harshest indictment of his sinful behavior if only it was his best friend delivering it to him from Gonou's usual spot nestled in Gojyo's own bed.

Eyes the color of rubies which had lost their shine gazed around the confines of his home as Gojyo pondered how different it seemed to him now than it had a month prior.

The main room with its single bed, table, chairs and other furnishings had previously struck him as small and cozy, yet without Gonou's presence to add warm companionship, it now seemed large, cold, and uninviting. The kitchen wouldn't be the same if it didn't smell of Lemon Zinger tea on occasion. Thoughts of how he'd spent far too many mornings in the bathroom shower relieving the physical manifestations of his desires for his roommate weren't allowed to cross his mind at all for fear of overwhelming him.

The small apartment simply wasn't the same now and the dejected teen had a hard time thinking of it as truly being "home" any longer.

Too tired to bother with food or even some of the beer he'd been thinking he'd drink enough of to insure that he'd sleep without dreaming, Gojyo slumped over and lay partially sprawled on the bed for a moment. Staring at the ceiling from a prone position gave him a new perspective on things and he remarked to himself, "So, this was Nanashi's view of the world for three weeks, wasn't it? Now that I look at it from this angle, it's a wonder he didn't go nuts laying here. That damned light fixture is ugly as hell."

Sighing as he kicked off his boots and got onto the bed properly, Gojyo moved to lay his head on the pillow and received a bit of an unanticipated shock. Another deep breath brought into his awareness the soft yet undeniably masculine scent of his former roommate which clung to the pillowcase since he'd insisted that the recovering patient continue to use the bed even after Gonou was no longer entirely incapacitated.

Without realizing it, Gojyo then made a tiny sound rather like a sob and wrapped both arms around the pillow, hugging it close to him while wishing fervently that it was the form of the one whose fragrance lingered there instead of mere fabric and feathers. Sparkling salty drops slowly leaked from the corners of his long-lashed eyes and somehow giving in to the temptation to cry helped him ease into sleep without further soul-searching.

The dreams that visited him that night were dark, frightening nightmares as his subconscious explored a multitude of horrible fates that might have awaited the brunette whose bloodied face following an aborted attempt to gouge out one of his own eyes plagued Gojyo. To his dying day, the half-breed would never forget that terrifying moment and the chilling, businesslike manner in which Gonou had committed the unthinkable act of self-mutilation.

Within the dreamscape, it was too easy to envision Gonou being turned over to any of the vengeful youkai who might want to claim their own measure of flesh as repayment for the destruction he'd wrought upon their kin. More terrifying, however, was a recurring image of Sanzo coldly, cruelly, placing the barrel of his strange gun against Gonou's head and without so much as flinching, pulling the trigger and thereby ending the former teacher's life in a fountain of blood, bone, and bits of brain tissue. The crudely decapitated body would then fall to the ground where it would lay unmourned as red gore pooled around it before being dragged away and torn to shreds by some demonic force that he had no name for.

"NO!!!" Gojyo screamed and sat bolt upright after seeing that gruesome image once too often. Breathing hard like a marathon runner after a race, he clutched his chest where his agonized heart beat faster than that of a hummingbird in flight and he moaned more softly, "Please, no. No matter what he did or who he hurt, my Nanashi doesn't deserve to die that way."

Without ever once realizing he'd added a possessive to the absent man's name, Gojyo buried his face in both hands and sat there in the darkness, feeling as if he had never been so utterly and totally alone in all of his nineteen years of life.

In the apartment which seemed far too large, the night would pass slowly, its tale told in gray ribbons of smoke as Gojyo hid from the Chinese equivalent of Morpheus by finishing cigarette after cigarette while refusing to admit that he was indeed dreadfully tired. Sleep carried with it the likelihood of more nightmares and he simply couldn't bear to face the endless images of Gonou's death any longer.

There were dangerous risks involved in deliberately becoming sleep deprived. However, the half-breed willingly embraced them since depression and withdrawal from society were better than envisioning the destruction of his best friend over and over until madness truly claimed him. The once sociable gambler was now well on his way towards becoming a lonely, isolated man and whether or not anyone could change that before it was too late remained to be seen.

*****

To be continued.

Author's Notes:

[1] It always bothered me that Goku never apologized to Gonou for injuring him the way that he did since the adorable earth spirit is a fundamentally good person and it seems incomprehensible that he might not feel sorry for it. Then again, there's so much left unrevealed throughout this entire series of events in the anime that I felt all the more interested in offering my own renditions of some key scenes that should've been there.