Gensomaden Saiyuki Fan Fiction ❯ Of Golden Eyes ❯ Grave Despondency ( Chapter 9 )

Of Golden Eyes

#9 - Grave Despondency

Shit! Where the fuck was that saru?

Heavy breathing and hurried footsteps were heard down the corridor, and blond hair was flying as the lavender-clad god continued, and failed, to find Goku amidst the many passages of Tenkai. Leaning back against the wall, Konzen stopped for breath, his features slicked with sweat, his sleek strands of gold sticking stubbornly to his face.

Where the hell is he?

'Konzen...' Goku's pleading voice murmured indistinctly in his mind.

"What?" Pondering over his thoughts, Konzen felt himself being grabbed hold by his robes, and he was dragged into another room.

What the fuck?

"Looking for somebody?"

Something in Konzen turned cold at that voice. Icy cold. His heart frozen in fear, he slowly turned around, dreading the truth. The truth that was embedded in that emotionless voice that he had known for so long, in that voice that he had once loved...

Once loved, but had grown to fear, to despise, to detest...

When he finally turned around, only to meet two mismatched eyes, he could have swore that time had stopped, right there and then - still and unmoving, as two holy beings met once again, only that this time it was hate that adorned their connection, love no more.

After feeling his breath catch in his chest, Konzen stumbled backwards against the wall, and tried to calm himself down as his heart began to beat madly with warnings of danger. Finally bringing himself to his senses, the blonde parted his lips, and spoke.

"Homura..." he spat, that one name that he dreaded to utter above all others.

"Ah, yes, Konzen," the dark one nodded in acknowledgement, and brought himself nearer to the golden-haired one, tilting the blonde deity's chin upwards, leaning closer to his face. "Long time no see." They were so close, in fact, that they could feel each other's breathing. Turning scarlet with outrage, Konzen knocked the black-haired god away, before taking a few more steps back.

"Don't come near me, you bastard."

Homura tsked, and moved a few steps forward, licking his lips as the other deity backed away, the golden one's violet eyes shining with hatred and loathing. "Now, now, Konzen...is this a way to treat your lover? You still love me, don't you, hmm?"

"Used to love. Come to think of it, I don't even know how I fell in love with a cold-hearted son of a bitch like you. Now get the hell out of my face."

The black-haired one just smiled, his sapphire-and-gold eyes glinting mysteriously.

"Even if you don't love me, I love you, you know," his smile widened even more. "Especially your body," he murmured, and watched silently as Konzen recoiled under his intent gaze. "And what will you say if I kindly remind you - that I have quite a nice hold over your beautiful little lover, who is currently in my possession?" his mouth curved into a smirk as he saw the look of alarm that crossed Konzen's face.

"I can do anything..."

Pressing closer to Konzen, he noted with a resounding triumph at how the beautiful blonde managed to look up at him with such defiance, even after how he'd broken him and crushed his heart to pieces. Oh, wait. Scratch that. Make that attractive - Son Goku was more beautiful, and definitely more young, and that suited his tastes. Konzen was of no use to him anymore...

[A/N: I hate Homura now. Seriously. Before I wrote this he was actually okay, you know. But then...well, let's just say writing about different things changes the original idea of the original character...and... *Sanzo appears out of nowhere and whacks Gokugurl's head with the harisen* ITAI!!! Okay, okay, on with the fic… ]

"Anything," Homura repeated quietly, his voice a deadly whisper. "I can bring him to my bedchambers, without him even noticing what I have in mind, tie him up..." he trailed a knowing little finger down the golden one's cheeks, "...gag him, drug him...oh wait," Homura paused, as though reconsidering. "But that wouldn't be fun. After all, sex is the sweetest when there's a struggle."

Konzen looked up at the dark one in disgust as Homura continued to list out the things he could do to the golden-eyed angel that he now owned. 'He can't do that to Goku!' his conscious mind screamed in fury. 'The fucking man's insane! Goku is bloody mine, and don't you dare touch him, you bloody bastard!!' And felt his guts lurch as Homura mentioned something particularly gross.

"So, Konzen..." the mention of his name jolted him back to his senses, and his lips curved into an angry snarl. "What the fuck do you want? And where is Goku!?"

"What I want?" Homura murmured, and Konzen felt a dizzying wave of déjà vu hit him as he remembered his dream from the past week. "You know what I want, Konzen...I want Goku. And I want to see you..." he grasped a fistful of Konzen's hair, and smiled evilly as he saw the blonde wince in pain.

"I want to see you suffer," he whispered. "I want to see you fall in the realm of defeat, the bottomless pit of pain...I want you to drown in the sea of despise and hate. And I want you to lose all the ones you love...all those who are dear to you, Konzen Douji. All of them. Especially that exquisite, alluring lover that you have."

A low growl escaped Konzen's throat, and he lounged out at Homura, his fist clenched. He missed his target, but just barely. The dark one was calm, and he closed his eyes shut, as though he was mocking the blonde, before opening them again, a twinkle of dry amusement in his eyes.

"You bastard," Konzen choked.

As he staggered behind, he felt a powerful punch connect with his stomach, and the golden-haired deity let out a cry of surprise. Having being caught off guard, he stumbled and fell on the ground, clutching his abdomen in pain and panting heavily.

Grasping Konzen's long hair, the raven-haired one dragged the latter up, ignoring the blonde's yells of agony as he pulled the man up to his face. Cupping the other's face in his hand, he leaned closer, and spoke.

"You wouldn't want me to do anything to your innocent little sweetheart, hmm? I can obtain his naïve little soul," he murmured dreamily. "And his simple, sweet little heart." His eyes glinted madly. "Above all, my dear Konzen, I can make him mine." There was an air of insanity at this point, and Konzen shuddered in distaste.

"All I have to do...is to just convince him to come with me into my chambers alone. And that won't be hard, for I am his new master." He emphasized on the word new, and Konzen looked away, avoiding the blue and gold gaze that was fixed intently on him. Overlooking him, Homura continued. "I'll just have a short little discussion with him, and then I'll," he paused, before his face broke into an evil smile.

"I'll break him," he looked down at the blonde, and relished in the horrified look that the other was wearing. "And make him suffer...for in my opinion, sex isn't something like sweet and sugar. For me..." Homura hesitated. "Well, let's just say I don't go gentle."

As Konzen registered his words, the latter looked up at him in hot rage. His usually enigmatic eyes were baring a passionate fury so great, it looked as though his gaze was on fire. "Don't you fuckingdare lay a finger on him," Konzen hissed.

Homura shrugged. "No promises," he said quietly, his voice but a whisper, his perplexing stare on the golden-haired god. And smiled in satisfaction as he saw truth dawn on Konzen's shocked face, before being replaced with yet another bout of anger. "What the fuck do you bloody want?" the blonde spat, his words doing naught to hide his frustration.

"Oh, do watch your language, Konzen," the dark-clad one laughed, placing his hand on his chest mockingly. "My feelings might get hurt. And," his eyes shone dangerously, "so might a certain Toushin Taishi." He said silently, obviously referring to Goku. "So you could try reconsider using proper etiquette, that is, if you want to see Goku again - " he twiddled with a lock of his hair, "Alive."

Hearing those words, the blonde stood silent, as though undergoing an internal struggle. "What do you want me to do?" Konzen tread carefully, taking up all the effort he had in his dignity to utter those words without including a fuck or bloody in them. That, in itself, was a lot of effort.

Homura, somehow, found that humorous. "Well, that's better. Let's see..." he looked up at the ceiling, as though there was something there he found particularly interesting. "What do I want you to do, hmm...?" Burying a shackled hand in his hair, his eyes bared into Konzen's. "I've decided."

Those two words catching his attention, Konzen looked up. "What?"

"I want you...to break Goku's heart."

The blonde one raised an eyebrow, his gaze surprised, those enigmatic amethyst orbs mysteriously alight. He let out a laugh, in both sheer disbelief and shock.

"I can't do that," he murmured in dismay, his voice low. "You know I can't do that..."

The dark god waved an easy hand, as though dismissing Konzen's words. "You do want Goku to be all right, don't you? You do love him, don't you? In order for him to be safe..."

Silence.

"You just have to do as I say."

More silence.

Konzen spoke. "You want me to do that...but what you're talking about is just similar to me not loving him. It's as though you're making me look like a puppet-master. And you're making it look like I'm just using him like my plaything, like I'm toying with him, betraying his love - " He froze, and stayed quiet as he reconsidered those words. Homura smiled as he observed déjà vu playing its tricks on Konzen's face.

"Yes, Konzen. I want him to feel like how you felt those years ago. And I want you to feel like how I felt, after being unwittingly accused of being a user..."

"Oh, yeah? I wouldn't know how you feel, for you were just using me for your sexual needs, was it not?" Konzen cut in. "You heartless bastard - " He was silenced as a pair of icy lips moved over to meet his, rough and unforgiving, showing no sign of compassion. Stunned and obviously shocked, the blonde tripped, landed painfully with his back slamming to the ground, and immediately knew it was a mistake.

A big mistake.

He felt a searing pain shoot through him as he felt his spine twist, and cried out in anguish.

"Bastard..."

"Painful?" Homura whispered, his eyes hazy with demented lust. "But there is a way for me to say no to this...for me not to hurt Goku, more or less even touch him," he murmured quietly, his control returning as his sapphire and golden orb bared deeply into Konzen's enigmatic violets. "There is?" Konzen looked up, his own amethyst eyes trembling with uncontrollable disgust.

"It's nothing much, Konzen...all you have to do is to say four simple words."

"What question?" the golden-haired deity asked suspiciously, though the answer was obvious; it wasn't going to be anything good.

Homura let out a chilling laugh, ignoring Konzen's words. "Just say those words and I'll leave you alone." He paused for thought. "No wait, not only will I leave you alone, I'll even leave Goku alone. How about that? Simple, right? It's not like I'm asking you to be my tavern-whore or something..." Konzen winced at the word tavern-whore. "...or asking you to be fucked in exchange for Goku. Just say four, simple, words."

That deal seemed too good to be true. "What words?" Konzen enquired carefully, wary of the stakes that were applied.

"I don't love Goku," Homura answered, as simple as that. "Easy, isn't it? You just say four, easy, simple words and I won't be bothering you, or Goku, again for life. I swear," he added, for extra effects. "Am I a god who turns his back on vows?"

Konzen didn't notice as Homura snapped his fingers, and a golden gleam appeared in the dark.

"I...don't love Goku," Konzen murmured hesitantly.

Silence.

Homura clapped his hands tauntingly, a wide smirk present on his face. "Bravo, Konzen," he said happily. "Could you repeat that again?"

"I said I don't fucking love Goku!" Konzen yelled at Homura, gritting his teeth. "So you just bloody leave him alone!"

No sooner had he said that, a small child stepped out of the shadows. Konzen's amethyst eyes lit up in sheer amazement as he registered those ever-familiar features. The tanned, beautiful bronze skin, the unruly, silken russet hair, the cold, heavy shackles... and the eyes. Those alluring, luminous golden eyes.

"Konzen..."

Son Goku looked up at him, hurt, disbelief and betrayal reflected deeply within those beautiful golden orbs; hurt so deep, it broke Konzen's heart. As those luminous eyes penetrated his cold amethyst ones, he felt emotions shift as what was sadness move to sheer confusion, changing to misunderstanding, before finally settling on a look of dull hate, a look that Konzen didn't even believe Goku was possible of.

Lost in those golden eyes, the violet-eyed one felt himself being rendered speechless. And cursed himself as he saw a stray tear cascading down his lover's cheek, trailing a wet path down that bronze skin. Reaching his hand out, Konzen proceeded to brush away that crystalline drop, but not before Goku slapped his hand away.

Goku stepped back and shook his head in utter disbelief, more tears escaping his traitorous eyes as he gazed into the eyes of the man who had once said he loved him. The man whom he had allowed to perform such acts upon his person, stirring up those unspeakable emotions. The man, whom all that while had murmured words of tender affection, phrases that moved his heart, touching a chord of happiness within his soul. The amethyst-eyed god whom he had cherished with all his heart; and held dear. The man whom he poured his soul out to, his emotions, his deepest secrets...The one whom he had fallen helplessly for...

And the one whom had taken, used and betrayed his love.

"Don't touch me," Goku managed to choke out. Stumbling back, he felt his vision blurring from tears. "Don't you dare touch me."

"Goku, I - "

"I said don't touch me!" the younger exclaimed hysterically. "You," he pointed a shaking finger at Konzen. "'You used me. Y-you said you cared for me! You said you loved me! And then..." he took a deep, shuddering breath. "And then, all you were doing was using me, isn't it? You just liked being on top and doing the fucking! I told you I loved you."

There was a mild pause.

"I gave you my heart. I gave you everything. But then you were just using me all the while! I was just your plaything, something for you to toy with! Wasn't I? Answer me, Konzen!! All you wanted was sex! Wasn't it!?"

Something in Konzen snapped at those familiar words, at that sense of knowing, the lingering feel of déjà vu around him as he remembered. Shocked, he realized where he had heard this before. Those exact same words...

He, Konzen Douji, had uttered those phrases exactly 10 years ago.

Wandering in his own train of thoughts, he didn't hear the sound of forwarding footsteps, nor the distant clunk of shackles as Goku strode up to Konzen.

And slapped him.

That sharp shock brought him back to reality. Falling backwards by the force, Konzen placed a hand on his cheek, feeling an aching, palpitating pain spread on the now reddening skin. He looked down, disbelieving, at Goku's form, whose small figure was now racking with suppressed sobs, his hand still raised after the slap.

"You used me," he repeated, his voice barely a whisper as more tears found their ways down his face, those delicate drops further adding to the vulnerability of his beautiful face. "You heartless bastard."

That did it. That really did it. Konzen felt what remained of what was self-control inside him shatter at those harsh words, only to be replaced by a hot, burning rage; a rage so unholy, it scared him and shook him. And felt himself teeter over the edge of self-restraint for a close two seconds before plunging over the cliff's edge.

And exploded.

"Shut up!" he yelled, his fist clenching as he released his anger. "If that's what you think, so be it! If that's what you really want to hear and what you believe, well, yes!! I fucking used you! I said I fucking loved you because I only wanted to have sex! I only wanted to be on top and do the fucking! There! Happy now!? I'm a heartless bastard, I admit it!!"

Those torrent of words poured out before he could stop them, but he didn't bother to deny any of it as his blazing amethyst eyes met Goku's shocked golden ones, an extraordinary connection aligning their gaze, as one boiled with fury, and the other remained as cold as ice, the golden stare expressionless and emotionless.

There was silence, bitter and uneasy silence, as the both of them continued to speak with their eyes, feelings tumbling and emotions quaking as amethyst and gold locked in a furious gaze. Words were unneeded, for their eyes told all.

Goku swallowed, his eyes red, and finally summoned the courage to speak, and closed his small palms tightly; fighting the urge to punch the golden-haired one in the face. Parting his lips, he blinked back more tears, and looked up at Konzen in the eye.

"I hate you!!"

Goku slammed the door behind him, and sprinted down the corridors of Tenkai, fresh tears descending down his cheeks as he ran; ran to escape from the harsh world, from reality, from his worst fears, from everything...

From Konzen.

****

Homura laughed gleefully, a high, cold laugh that didn't suit him. "Dear, dear...a little lover's spat, Konzen?" His eyes glittered with evil mirth as those mismatched orbs settled themselves on the said blonde. "But we aren't sure if you will still be lovers, hmm? Konzen?" he murmured, his voice unsympathetic. "I doubt it, after what just happened..."

Konzen looked at Homura in growing anger. "That's what you wanted, wasn't it? For me and Goku to be separated? The deal's done," he spat spitefully. "So you'd better keep your promise and you'd better not fucking touch Goku."

Homura shrugged. "Gee, I don't know. Since when was I a man of promises?" he laughed again at the look of utter disbelief that crossed Konzen's face. "You, of course, would know by now that I never mean what I say." Those mismatched orbs shone dangerously as they met Konzen's violet ones. "And I never say no to beautiful youths...especially youths with golden eyes," he added, for dramatic effect.

"You!" Konzen choked.

"Me," he muttered calmly. "And if you don't mind..." he brushed past Konzen, "I have more pressing matters to attend." He licked his lips in anticipation, and Konzen felt a jolt of fury course through him, with a feeling that he knew what those pressing matters were, and whom it concerned.

"Don't you bloody fucking dare lay a hair on him."

"Oh, trust me, I won't," Homura said quietly, looking back at the blonde, his lips twisted in a deadly smile. "I'd do more than that, Konzen. Believe me. And," he added quickly, as he saw Konzen posed to strike, "I'd like to remind you that you have no more connection with Goku; for I," he pointed to himself, "I, Homura, am Toushin Son Goku Taishi's new master; Konzen Douji no more."

All Konzen could do was stay silent, and listened to Homura's retreating footsteps down the corridor.

****

Quiet sobs racked his soul, and Goku rubbed angrily at another tear that had escaped his eye. Still shocked at the aftermath, Goku had ran aimlessly; without a place to return to. After realizing that, he had broke down, and those stubborn tears had began to flow, caressing his already stained cheeks with trails of wetness as they slid down his face, unaware of their unwelcome presence.

Leaning his head helplessly against the wall, Goku sighed shakily, as another sob escaped him.

'Now, I have nothing...'

'Nothing, nowhere, nobody...'

'I'm just a heretic. A useless heretic...'

'With nobody to love...'

'And nobody to love back.'

He whimpered softly, images of his violet-eyed lover flashing unwillingly before his eyes.

'Konzen...'

'I didn't mean what I said, I truly didn't...'

'You might not love me, Konzen...'

A shadow appeared behind him, the owner's face unsmiling.

'But I know that no matter what...'

'I will always love you.'

"Homura-nii-chan?" he hiccupped, looking up at the black-haired man, who was gazing down at him in sympathy. "Goku," he whispered softly, squatting down before the child, and ruffled the messy chocolate hair affectionately. "That must have hurt."

Goku nodded indiscreetly, more tears trickling from his golden eyes. "Yeah..." Homura shook his head, and stroked the younger one's back gently, and felt Goku place his head on his broad chest, sighing in comfort.

"I have a way to ease that pain," Homura murmured quietly, his eyes glinting maliciously. Goku looked up at him in confusion, his expression bafflingly bewildered. "What do you mean?" he asked disorderly, and let Homura lift up his chin to face him.

And Goku let out a muffled scream as cold lips crushed themselves on his own.

****

[A/N] GAAAH! Finally, I got this done! *wipes brow* 6 days! 6 STUPID, FREAKING DAYS! God, writer's block is a terrible disease to have. Anyways. Yeah...how was this chapter? *looks nervously at all the Homura haters whom are glaring at her mercilessly* Um, okay...^^;; Everyone, MERRY CHRISTMAS! XD It's Christmas Eve! And hopefully, I'll get another ton of Saiyuki items for my Christmas Present! =D He, he...I'm doing a short little fluff fic too, I think. Oh well - hope this chapter was okay~ and HAVE A MERRY CHRISTMAS AND ENJOY YOURSELVES, FOR MY SAKE!

Next chapter there will be a very, mortifying HomuraxGoku scene... oh my god. *looks around at all the Homura haters around her which have raised their knives in their hands* AAAH!!! *runs away* Anyways - uh, yeah, um, yes! Konzen and Goku will have a reunion and stuff, so don't kill me! *wails*

E-mail: kimiekun@hotmail.com