Gensomaden Saiyuki Fan Fiction ❯ Saiyuki Serial: Beautifully Broken Evolution ❯ 10 Between Mind & Heart ( Chapter 10 )

Author's Note: None of the lovelies of Saiyuki belong to me and all rights apply to the fantastic creators who do own them. I don't make anything off this but my own perverted gratification. If they did belong to me, they'd be doing a hell of a lot more of this kind of stuff on a regular basis. I am such a sick and evil little puppy.

 

~ indicates POV

 

Self-beta job. All fuck-ups are mine alone.

Thanks goes to Lillie for reading this over for me.

 

 

10 Between Mind & Heart

 

~Gojyo~

 

I was in the middle of a battle between my mind and heart and I had no idea which side was going to come out the winner. I was a romantic so I supposed my heart had better than average odds to win. I was also a realist but that didn't mean my mind would come out on top. My heart was telling me that somewhere along the way, Sanzo had become more to me than just a fuck buddy. My head said that it was my dick talking not my heart. I knew better. My dick never confused a good roll in the hay with emotions. And emotions were involved.

 

While Sanzo was fantastic between the sheets, I cared about him as a person. I trusted him. I could count on one hand the people in the world I trusted and still have fingers left over. Hell, I even liked the bitchy monk most days. I think Sanzo was realizing that what we had was moving past the simple fuck buddy stage and into deeper territory. It was probably triggering all his defences against letting someone close. I bet it was scaring the holy crap out of him. I know it was scaring the holy crap out of me.

 

I had managed to piece together a little about his past from things he'd let slip and a few encounters we'd had with the freaks trying to kill us for various reasons. Goddess knows, he wouldn't say shit if his mouth was full of it. From what I learned, I could understand why he was the way he was. He didn't exactly have any stellar examples of a healthy relationship to go by. I couldn't really talk. I was pretty screwed up too. Fuck, we all were. Hakkai had been screwing his sister for god's sake. We don't even know what Goku did to get stuck on that mountain for five hundred years but you had to fuck up big time to get a sentence like that.

 

Sanzo had watched the one person I was pretty sure he had loved get butchered protecting him. He later killed a man when he was almost gang raped. He had a former, trusted friend that I'm pretty sure he liked a lot, try to kill him. No, Sanzo hasn't had a lot of luck in the interpersonal department. I can understand his defences going up with this thing we've got going between us. Doesn't mean I like it.

 

If I wasn't such a romantic, optimistic kinda guy, I'd be fighting what was between us pretty hard too. But you can't live your life cut off from some of the things that made living truly great. Considering the way our lives were going, I was determined to wring every last drop of pleasure from this life that I could before I went to the big bordello in the sky. Right now, those drops of pleasure were coming to me courtesy of one Genjo Sanzo.

 

Everybody assumed that I had never loved anyone. They all thought that I just hopped from bed to bed and screwed anything that didn't move fast enough to get away. That hurt sometimes. I have feelings and desires. I want things just like everyone else. I wanted to love and be loved in return. Everybody wanted to be loved at least once by somebody. Life had taught me the hard way that while loving someone, romantically or otherwise, could be the greatest joy; it could also be a soul crushing sorrow.

 

I loved my stepmother with all the enthusiasm of a child. She had hated me in return for always being a reminder of something that should not be. She made damn sure that I knew what an abomination I was, too. I had still loved her though. Even on that fateful day when she had nearly killed me, I had loved her too much to try and stop her if it would have eased her pain. I think I started to hate her after Jin killed her to save my life. That she forced that decision on him turned the love to hate. No child should have to kill a parent to save a sibling. That just wasn't right.

 

I loved Jin then and I love him now. I'm still resentful that he left me alone when I needed him most, but I never stopped loving him. Even now, knowing he's fighting on the side of our enemies, I love him. I make an effort not to kill him whenever we meet. I'm always the one to fight him. I don't want one of my friends accidentally killing one of the very few people I actually love.

 

Hakkai is my best friend. We know stuff about each other that no other living soul does. I've held him through nightmares and talked soft nonsense to him when he had a complete breakdown and sobbed brokenly that he shouldn't still live. I suppose I love Hakkai too. Not as a lover. I'd never had that pleasure, but as a friend.

 

I guess I even loved monkey boy. He was like that annoying little brother you always tried to ditch but would feel like a hole in your soul if he were gone. I'd never say that to him. Little pain in the ass didn't need to hear that. He'd just get more annoying. So I poke him and tease him and goof around with him. I think he's smart enough to pick up on the fact that I care about what happens to him. People don't give him enough credit for brains. He has a few rattling around in his head. Not that I'd ever tell him that either.

 

This brought me to Sanzo and how I felt about him.

 

I knew Sanzo was waging an internal battle with himself over me. It's why he'd been so pissy lately. Well, more than normal. A defensive Sanzo was a bitchy Sanzo. His brain was telling him one thing while his heart was whispering something entirely different. I wanted Sanzo to listen to his heart. The heart often knew things that the brain refused to even think about.

 

I sucked on my smoke and stared off into the trees. It was stupid for me to feel anything for him aside from the pleasure of a damn fine roll between the sheets. He was cold, aloof, bitchy, pissy and had warning signs posted around himself ten feet high and flashing in neon that said “Fuck off or die!” I was a complete idiot for wanting him.

 

He wasn't a friend like Hakkai. Sure, I enjoyed his company and liked playing cards or Mah Jong with him but he was careful to keep everybody at arm's length. No, friendship wasn't a word I could easily use for Sanzo although; I wouldn't refuse his friendship if he actually offered it.

 

I sure as shit didn't view him like a brother. I didn't want to screw my brother. I couldn't think of anyone who would be so bad at being a brother either. That wasn't to say Sanzo didn't care about anyone; he did. He just hid it so well that almost nobody saw the concern he had. It took me a while to figure it out but I like to study people to see what makes them tick. It helps me be an excellent card player. That need to study people gave me the unexpected bonus of helping me to understand Sanzo just a little. What I do understand about Sanzo attracts and fascinates me and makes me want to learn more. Sometimes, I'm just a sucker for punishment.

 

He's smart and if you get him going on a topic he likes, he'll tell you more than you ever thought you could know about it. He also appreciates a good silence. He can sit there and say nothing and it's a comfortable silence. In bed, he's pretty much everything I want. He can be a dominating force and I really like that. He's learning to be a very good top. I think he's a natural at it. He can do gentle but he doesn't do it often enough. I think he's afraid that it will show how much he cares. I already have a damn good idea how much he cares but I can't say anything or he'll shut down and run.

 

Like he's trying to run now.

 

I sighed again and crushed out my smoke. I shouldn't really be throwing any stones at Sanzo. I wasn't entirely sure how I felt about him. I wanted him but who doesn't? He's a walking wet dream. Well, at least for me he is. I enjoy being with him. I even like him in spite of his pissy behaviour. What exactly did I feel for him? Now there's the sixty-four thousand dollar question. I honestly don't know. Some days, I could say I was feeling some pretty heavy shit for him and some days I said no way in fucking hell did I feel anything more than lust. Lately, the heavy shit days were getting higher in number. I've never really had a lover that meant this much to me. That it's Sanzo that's making me feel this way kinda makes me a whole lot of nervous. Sanzo doesn't react real well to tender feelings. He's been known to shoot first and not give a fuck about explanations… ever.

 

I was surprised when Sanzo dropped down to sit next to me. I had been so lost in thought that I hadn't even heard him walk up behind me. That was a good way to get my ass killed considering we had every demon we came across trying to snuff us out.

 

“Hakkai said to talk to you,” Sanzo muttered sullenly.

 

I smiled just a little at that. Hakkai could make Sanzo do stuff he never would for other people. Actually, Hakkai could get people in general to do stuff they wouldn't normally do. Something about that polite smile and look of “do it or else” in his eyes. That “or else” was a scary thing for some reason and most people had no desire to actually see what `or else' was. I was Hakkai's best friend and even I didn't want to know what that “or else” meant. It gave me a bad feeling in my gut just thinking about it.

 

“Just sit and be. I won't tell Hakkai you kept your mouth shut.”

 

Sanzo grunted at me and shook out a smoke. He looked relieved. He offered me one and we both smoked in silence. I still wasn't sure what to call my growing attraction to Sanzo and having him sit so close to me wasn't helping any. I wanted him to know that I was okay with moving our relationship past the fuck buddy stage. I wanted to move it past that stage. I was ready for more but I was pretty sure Sanzo wasn't. I didn't know if he'd ever be ready for more. He was fighting our meaning something to each other and somewhere inside me that hurt. There was that little voice inside me that said I'd never be worthy of anyone's affection or love. Sanzo acting the way he was, even though I knew why, wasn't helping to shut that voice up.

 

My head said it was a stupid thing to do. Why would Sanzo want a half demon's affection? Why would he want me for anything more than tension relief? What did I have to offer him? Why would he want some dirty little half breed that had been rejected time and again? What would a Sanzo priest want with a child of taboo?

 

My heart said it was the right thing to do. Why wouldn't Sanzo want what I had to offer? I know he liked the way I made him feel in bed. I hadn't slept with anyone else since I started sleeping with him. Not that I didn't get offers. I just didn't want anyone else. Contrary to popular belief, if I was serious about someone, I didn't screw around on them. I don't play fast and loose with someone's feelings like that. I especially wouldn't do that to Sanzo. Sanzo meant something to me. I just hadn't figured out what exactly.

 

Sanzo had never rejected me and he knew from the get go what I was. In fact, he had been the one that started our whole relationship although he never expected it to go as far as it had. I never thought it would go as far as it had. He never treated me like I was something beneath him. Something that just shouldn't exist. To Sanzo, I was just Gojyo. A travelling companion. A lover. Maybe even a friend, if he'd let me.

 

I sighed again and rested my head on his shoulder. I was thinking heavy thoughts again. Sanzo stiffened and tried to scoot away. I snaked my arm around his waist and held him to me.

 

“Relax. If Hakkai sent you here to talk to me, he'll keep monkey boy away from us.”

 

“What the fuck is that supposed to mean? I swear I'll shoot you right now if you opened your big mouth about us.”

 

“I haven't said shit, Sanzo, and you know it. You know I won't betray the secret about us `cause you asked me not to. You can trust me, Sanzo. I wouldn't do anything to hurt you like that,” I said softly as I nuzzled into his neck. I felt him shiver at my touch before he stiffened.

 

“Hurt me? Who said it would hurt me if Hakkai knew I was fucking you?” Sanzo snapped, defences rising.

 

“You are one prickly fuck, you know that? Just trust me a little, Sanzo. That's all I'm asking.”

 

Sanzo grunted and slowly relaxed. He was fighting with himself again. His head said just take the pleasure I was offering and live in the moment `cause I'd soon get tired of him and his moods and move on. His head was telling him that I was probably still screwing other people who were a lot easier to deal with than him. His head should just shut the fuck up.

 

His heart, on the other hand, was telling him to snatch at what I was offering and hold it tight to him for as long as he could. His heart said that a chance like I was offering him wasn't going to come along very often, if ever again. I was willing to put up with his pissy moods and shitty behaviour and still want to be with him. His heart knew what a rarity that was.

 

Sanzo was conflicted and it was starting to tear him up. He'd never had to make this kind of decision before. I was sure of that. I wasn't asking anything of him that he wasn't willing to give or pressuring him to do something he didn't want to. That confused him. People always wanted something from him that he either couldn't or wouldn't give. Whether it was his time as a Sanzo monk, his skill at disposing of demons or his delectable body. I needed to show him that I just wanted him, Genjo Sanzo, nothing else. If I told him that, he'd run in the opposite direction from me. I don't think he'd believe me. If I was being perfectly honest, I did want more from him. How much more, I still wasn't really sure. If he ever decided to give me more than just his body at some point… great. I was at the point where I'd take what I could get from him.

 

I sighed. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.

 

My own mind was a little mixed up about what I really wanted. I should never think this hard about stuff like this when I was horny. It was just asking for trouble when my dick got involved in the thought process. One thing I did know for sure was that I wanted gentleness from Sanzo the next time I got him wanting and willing in my arms. He'd been rough and fast for too long lately. While I liked that a lot with Sanzo, we both needed some gentleness. You had to balance the rough with the gentle. Maybe Sanzo would be able to clue in to what I was offering him if I showed him with touches and kisses. He always seemed to respond better to actions than words. I think actions were less threatening for him. I started with adding little licks to his skin as I nuzzled and kissed the column of his throat.

 

“What the fuck are you doing, Gojyo?” Sanzo hissed as he pushed a hand against my chest.

 

“I want you, Sanzo. I want to feel your skin against mine. I want to hear you laugh as I kiss the ticklish spot behind your knee. I want to hear you moan as I lick your sensitive nipples. I want to taste the sweat on your skin as you arch against me. I want to lose myself in the pleasure of orgasm with you. I want to be inside you.”

 

Sanzo swallowed hard and a blush was creeping over his cheeks. I loved it when he blushed like a shy virgin. Made the lust moving through my body even stronger. I let my hand drift down over his groin and cupped him through the layers of his clothes. He was already half hard just from my nuzzling him. His hips pushed up into my hand before he could stop himself. As soon as he realized what he had done, he scowled at me and batted my hand away before surging to his feet and moving away.

 

The little stab of hurt was surprising. I hadn't expected that. I think I was already in too deep with Sanzo. I was a fine one to be going on about listening to your heart when I was dancing almost as cautiously around my own. I looked down at the ground and heard Sanzo move further away from me. I had pushed too hard and sent Sanzo moving in the opposite direction.

 

Fuck. I was usually better at this kind of shit.

 

“Get your ass moving, Gojyo. Even Hakkai can't keep Goku occupied forever. I'm not letting you screw me out in the open where anyone, including Goku, could stumble on us.”

 

I jerked my head up and stared at Sanzo with surprise in my eyes. He was waiting impatiently near a small path. Apparently, I hadn't pushed him away. He just wanted more privacy. I rose to my feet and followed him down the path. As we walked, a rushing noise began to get louder. When the path exited the trees into a small glade with a little waterfall, I was stunned. Sanzo continued walking and stopped near the falls before ducking behind them. I hurried after him and found a small cave behind the falls. Sanzo was already stripping off his clothes.

 

“How? When?” I began.

 

“Hakkai found it when he was getting firewood. He mentioned how beautiful it was to me while you and Goku were still gathering kindling. Are you sure you never said anything to him about us?” Sanzo asked suspiciously as his fingers hovered at his waist.

 

“Nope. I've never told him we were together,” I said as I moved close to Sanzo.

 

That wasn't a lie. I hadn't said a damn thing to Hakkai. I'm sure he guessed before he watched Sanzo screw me hard against a tree. Hakkai was a perceptive guy. I'd have to thank him later for telling Sanzo about this place. Damn but Hakkai was a good friend.

 

Sanzo gripped my shoulder and pushed me roughly against the rock wall of the little cave. His lips crashed down on mine, hungry and hot. He was going to go for rough again if I didn't stop him. I pushed him away from me.

 

“No,” I said quietly with firmness in my voice.

 

Sanzo looked at me with wary surprise in his eyes before I saw the passion cool and something that could have been hurt and resignation move across his face. He covered it quickly and scowled before spinning around and stalking away from me. I grabbed his arm and pulled him back against my chest.

 

“I want gentleness this time, Sanzo. I need it. I think we both need it,” I said as I kissed the back of his neck.

 

I felt some of the tension ease from his body. I know he thought I had been rejecting him. Like that was going to happen. For such a hot piece of ass, he had some serious issues about his desirability. He was still stiff in my arms though. He had gotten as far as opening his robe so that it hung from his waist and removed his leather top. I let my hands slide up his chest and brushed the very tips of my fingers over his nipples. Sanzo's breath hitched in his chest as the sensitive little nubs tightened into peaks. God I loved to play with his body. He was so damn responsive to whatever I did to him.

 

“I want gentle this time, Sanzo Will you do that for me?” I whispered into his ear as I stroked lightly over his nipples.

 

Sanzo's reply was a breathy little `yes' as he relaxed further into my embrace. There had been the chance he'd say no. I think he was using the rough sex to keep a distance between what his mind was telling him and what his heart was urging him to accept.

 

I kept playing gently with his nipples as I kissed and licked his neck and shoulders. He was so responsive when he let himself enjoy just the simple pleasures of soft kisses and easy touches. His head fell back onto my shoulder and little sounds of pleasure escaped him, almost too low to be heard. Hearing him make those noises and knowing it was because of what I did to him always made me rock hard in seconds. I licked the long line of his throat and inhaled the scent of his skin as I pressed my erection against his ass and rocked gently. The groan of need from Sanzo was beautiful to hear.

 

I gave him a little push to move away from the rock wall and followed him to the middle of the cave. I turned him around and touched my lips to his in a teasing kiss. He started to press for more. I held his head still and spread butterfly light kisses across his face before working my way back to his lips. This time, I let my tongue slip out to lick at his lips. His little sound of want pulled an answering sound of need from me.

 

His hands had come up while I was kissing him and were busy pulling my shirt from my pants. I wanted to feel my skin against his. I wanted to lie naked next to him and just touch him and stroke his golden skin as he arched into my hand and made those erotic noises I couldn't seem to get enough of.

 

Oh yeah, I was in way too deep now with Sanzo. Oddly, I didn't care. It felt right.

 

I stepped back from him and shucked out of my vest. He watched me with need darkening his amazing purple eyes. He wasted no time in following my actions. He was naked faster than me and I worked not to smirk at that. Sanzo wanted. He was fucking spectacular when he wanted. And he wanted me. How did I get so lucky?

 

He watched me spread his robe on the cave floor and frowned. He opened his mouth to chew me out. The snippy words never made it past his lips. My mouth on his nipple guaranteed that. He groaned instead and brought his hands up to hold my head to him. He ran his fingers through my hair, making sounds of pleasure at the feel of the silky strands. I lapped at the coppery nipple, making him arch against me.

 

“Gojyo,” he groaned softly as his fingers continued to run through my hair. So much need and excitement was put into that one word. I could get real used to hearing that kind of thing from him on a regular basis.

 

I dragged him down to the ground with me and pushed him gently onto his back. I untangled his fingers from my hair and felt a thrill shoot down my spine when he protested that. Sanzo loved my hair and just touching it seemed to arouse him. I wasn't about to complain. I liked it a lot when he ran his long fingers through it. Truthfully, it made me want to rub my skin against his like some big cat scent marking him whenever he did it.

 

I started to lick my way down his body. I traced his ribs with my tongue and nibbled my way across his belly. He twisted his body when I nipped the skin over his sharp hipbones. I ignored his erection but I made sure to drag the ends of my hair over it. His breath hissed out of him and his hips jerked up. I smiled against the inside of his thigh as I continued my downward journey. Sanzo absolutely loved my hair brushing his skin and I was delighted to oblige.

 

I licked further down his leg and teased that spot behind his knee that I had discovered by accident. Sanzo twitched his leg once before I captured it and held it still. I licked that one spot until I got the reaction I wanted from him. Sanzo gave a breathless laugh and squirmed under my hands. Every time I managed to drag a laugh out of him, it made me feel as if I had accomplished a great feat. It also made me hornier than hell. Sanzo's laugh was low and rough and made blood pool in my groin. I'd give a hell of lot to hear it on a regular basis.

 

I left that ticklish spot, knowing that to linger there too long would kill the laughter and lead to a super pissy monk. I moved down his leg and placed a lingering kiss on the top of his foot before moving to his other leg and repeating the entire process in reverse. By the time I reached Sanzo's groin, he was panting. Sweat and a fine mist from the waterfall covered his skin making it glisten. His hair had darkened to the colour of old gold and when he opened his eyes to look at me, the purple had become almost black with need.

 

I glanced down at his erection and ran my fingers over it. Back and forth I stroked him as I watched the need for more build in his eyes. I wanted him with an almost painful intensity. Touching him was pure pleasure. Tasting him was a delight I was about to enjoy. I lowered my mouth until my lips hovered just inches from his skin. He watched me through desire hazed eyes, his breath now coming sharp and fast.

 

“Play with your nipples while I suck you, Sanzo,” I demanded softly.

 

Sanzo gasped as my words caused little puffs of air to blow against his hard, sensitive cock. A little shiver travelled through him before he brought his hands up to his chest and pinched the tight little nubs. A low groan rumbled from his chest as he toyed with his nipples. A tingle of pleasure shot down my spine at the sound. I licked him from balls to tip and felt deep satisfaction move through me when his back arched off the ground and he moaned.

 

I took him into my mouth and gave my own pleasure filled moan. I loved the taste of Sanzo on my tongue. I don't know what it was about his taste and scent that pushed my buttons so hard. I liked sucking cock but that didn't explain why I liked having Sanzo in my mouth so much. It was as if I couldn't get enough of his taste. I swear he had turned me into a Sanzo cock junkie. I could feel pressure building in my groin. Taking Sanzo in my mouth always pushed me hard towards orgasm. I think I could orgasm just from sucking him off. I made a mental note to try it one day just to see if he could do that to me. I could feel the mist from the waterfall coating my skin and had to resist the urge to use my water youkai powers to stay hard even after orgasm so I could keep driving him wild.

 

I slid my mouth down Sanzo's cock, enjoying the velvety feel of his skin against my tongue. Sanzo moaned softly and I flicked my eyes up to watch him roll his nipples between his fingers. My own cock throbbed and I wanted to slide into him at the same time that I wanted to continue to torment him with pleasure. Before I could be inside him, I needed to stretch him. This was about pleasure for the both of us. I wasn't going to hurt him no matter if that was what he seemed to prefer lately.

 

I groped behind me for my pants and dragged them close as I continued to move my mouth up and down his shaft. I found the little tube of lube and flipped it open one-handed. Sanzo's eyes had closed with the intense desire he was feeling. Even if I was aiming for a gentle loving, I knew there was one thing he loved me to do to him. I didn't understand it but it always drove him wild. And I loved it when he went wild.

 

I slicked my fingers and kept up the slow up and down motion of my mouth over his cock. I waited until I heard the soft, continuous stream of erotic noises that I managed to pull from Sanzo when he finally let himself go and just enjoyed the sensations of his body. I pulled back until I held just the tip of him in my mouth. I teased his slit briefly with my tongue before swallowing down his entire length in one smooth move. At the same time, I thrust two fingers inside him and twisted hard to press against his sweet spot.

 

The reaction from Sanzo was electric. His hips jerked up and forced his cock even deeper down my throat. His eyes opened wide and intense pleasure blazed there. His mouth opened with a soundless scream and I could almost feel his arousal double. His body slammed back to the ground and he abandoned his nipples to grab fistfuls of my hair. He spread his legs further apart and began to circle his hips as wordless pleas for more poured from his throat. I pumped his ass hard and felt sweat slide down my body from the obvious enjoyment he was getting from the rough thrust of my fingers.

 

His cock throbbed against my tongue and his ass clenched tight on the fingers I had inside him. I was pushing him close to his peak. He had good control but he had his limits and I wanted to be inside him when he came. I wanted to feel his ass squeezing my cock when he peaked. There were few things that I enjoyed more than the feel of being inside Sanzo when he came.

 

He moaned a protest when I removed my fingers and let his cock slip from my mouth. He opened his eyes and watched as I slowly slicked my cock. I brushed the head against his opening, teasing us both. Heat flared in his eyes when I pushed and the head slipped in. A low groan of pleasure escaped him and I had to close my eyes and concentrate on not just ramming into him. I wanted to do him slow and gentle. We both needed it.

 

“Now, Gojyo,” Sanzo demanded with a growl as he tried to force me to move faster.

 

“Patience, Sanzo. I'll give you what you want eventually,” I said softly as I inched my way inside him.

 

“I want now,” Sanzo said in a tone that was both sulky and demanding and so fucking erotic I almost did what he wanted.

 

Sanzo was a commanding lover once you got him warmed up. Even when I was doing my best to give him a slow loving, he wanted it on his terms. He wasn't going to get that this time. He was going to take what I was giving him and he was going to like it. Wow, did that sound dominating or what? The things this bitchy monk could make me feel….

 

I leaned over Sanzo and slowly pushed all the way in. His long lashes fluttered closed and he made a sound of satisfaction deep in his throat. That simple noise of pleasure made the blood pound through my veins. Sanzo could push all my buttons and he wasn't even trying. Who was the expert lover here? Why the hell did I care when he felt so good on my cock?

 

I started a slow, gentle rhythm of sliding in and out of Sanzo's ass. I leaned down and took his mouth in a yielding kiss that pulled even more of those erotic sounds from him. His hands drifted up into my hair to hold me to him. I felt the soft touch of his fingers against my scalp and moaned into his mouth. My breath caught when he slid my antenna through his fingers. He may have wanted me to do him roughly but he had never been anything but gentle with my antenna.

 

The touches of his fingers on my antenna made the need to pleasure Sanzo explode through my body. Whatever he wanted me to do to bring him pleasure, I'd do. The teasing strokes of his fingers on my antenna followed the pattern of thrusts in his ass and I whimpered at the rush of sensation. I needed to make Sanzo come. He had to find release before I did. Mine wouldn't come until Sanzo orgasmed. I couldn't now that he had started to play with what he knows is a direct link to my cock and a driving urge to please him. My pleasure was firmly tied to his now and he knew it.

 

“Harder, Gojyo,” Sanzo panted as he twisted his head away and exposed the long column of his throat.

 

I groaned and started giving him the stinging little bites along his throat that I knew he wanted. I began to move faster in him. He wrapped his long legs around my waist and met every thrust with a twist of his hips. Whimpers of pleasure escaped him as the faster I pumped his ass, the harder the thrusts. I pushed into him hard and held myself still as I tried to stop the rush towards orgasm. I wanted to give him a long, slow loving.

 

“No, don't stop. Close. So close,” Sanzo panted as he twisted under me, trying to get me to move again.

 

I snaked an arm under him and pulled him up until he was straddling my thighs. He groaned at the change in position and what that did to the pleasure he was feeling. Sanzo was sitting in my lap, his chest pressed tight to mine. I kept one hand on his hip and pressed the other one between his shoulder blades. The feel of his skin pressed tight to mine was arousing me in ways I hadn't thought possible. Sanzo gripped me tightly with his legs around my waist and ground his ass down. His cock was squeezed between our bellies, rubbing erotically against our skin. We both groaned at the feel.

 

“Yes,” Sanzo hissed with pleasure as he wriggled his hips.

 

He pressed his lips to mine and kissed me like he couldn't get enough. He started to raise and lower himself on my cock. I groaned and surrendered to what Sanzo wanted. I followed his motions and was soon back on the edge of orgasm. Sanzo was close too. His muscles quivered and he was breathing hard between the moans of pleasure.

 

“Gonna… come,” Sanzo panted, lost in the pleasure rushing through his body.

 

Sanzo pushed down hard and his head dropped back. His whole body shook as he found release. The moan of pleasure that left his throat was like music to my ears. I gripped his hip hard enough to bruise and bit my lip to remain still as his ass began to rhythmically squeeze my cock. I felt his hot seed spurt onto my belly and the twitches of his cock. It was too much for me. Two short thrusts had me blowing my load inside his still squeezing ass. Sanzo gave a little growl of satisfaction and leaned in to nip my shoulder. I shivered and held him close as waves of contentment washed through me.

 

Sanzo rested his head against my shoulder and relaxed in my arms. His breathing was slowing down and the little puffs of air against my sensitized skin raised goose bumps down my arms. A burst of happiness and satisfaction spread through me. I rubbed my cheek against Sanzo hair and sighed. This is what I had been missing. Not so much the sex, although that was fantastic, but the time spent just holding him close to me while our hearts slowed back to normal. I stroked my hand up and down Sanzo's back and closed my eyes at how good simply touching him made me feel.

 

It was more than fantastic sex. It was more than sharing the same kinks. It was feeling like I belonged. It was feeling like I was more than just a convenient screw. Sanzo made me feel good. He made me feel like I was important to him. I mattered to him. I know I did. I could feel it.

 

Sanzo gave a little sigh and lifted his head from my shoulder. He gave me a smouldering look that said he'd be up for another go if we were in a private room and not likely to be disturbed by a certain monkey boy. He ran his fingers through my hair and gave me a deep, lingering kiss that stirred all kinds of things to life before moving from my lap and away from me.

 

He cleaned himself up and quickly dressed as I watched. He started to move past me and I snagged his arm as I stood. He looked down his nose in annoyance at me. I resisted the urge to sigh. The pissy monk was back. I pulled him close to me and pressed a kiss to his lips. I tried to tell him with that kiss what I couldn't say with words without scaring him away. The kiss said I enjoyed him for more than just sex. There was trust and friendship if he wanted it. Desire was there too. Desire would always be there for him. I was trying to show him what he meant to me without saying a word.

 

Sanzo leaned into me, responding and seemed to want more. I was happy to oblige when he suddenly pushed away from me and whirled away. He stopped at the cave opening with his back to me. Tension was now coming off his body in waves. He looked back at me over his shoulder. Confusion was in his eyes. I think he caught what I had been trying to tell him with that kiss. I hadn't meant to confuse him. I hadn't meant to make him run.

 

Fuck.

 

His head was saying what we had was just sex. His head was denying everything that I had put into the kiss. His heart was saying there was more to it than that. His heart was acknowledging what was in that kiss.

 

“It's just sex, Gojyo. Don't make more of it than it is,” Sanzo said in a harsh voice, leaving the cave before I could say anything.

 

I stared at the spot where Sanzo had stood for a long time. What we shared was more than sex. He couldn't fool me into believing that and I hoped he wasn't trying to fool himself into believing it either. He cared about me. He had been jealous when he thought I was off screwing someone else. You don't feel that way if you're just fuck buddies. Why was he fighting what was between us so hard? He had to know that I wouldn't hurt him, didn't he? Why couldn't he just accept it and let whatever was between us, develop? What was so fucking scary about me loving him?

 

Aw fuck.

 

I sat down abruptly on the ground. I did not just think that. I drew in a deep breath and tested that random thought out loud. Hearing my own voice softly say `I love you, Sanzo,' gave me a rush of intense pleasure and happiness. I closed my eyes and sighed in defeat.

 

Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.

 

It sounded too good and made me way too happy to be a lie. Perfect. Just fucking perfect. I was in love with Genjo Sanzo. When the hell did that happen?

 

I eventually dressed and left the little cave. I was happy and excited and scared shitless. Loving Sanzo wasn't going to be easy. Hell, liking Sanzo was a challenge most days. He wasn't going to co-operate either. I don't think he'd ever really loved anyone, not romantically anyway. He might like people on occasion but love?

 

I walked back into the camp and automatically looked towards Sanzo. He caught my gaze and glared back at me. He set his jaw mulishly and stomped away muttering about pervy kappa. Hakkai looked at me with a question in his eyes while Goku asked what bug Sanzo had up his butt this time. A bullet just missed Goku's foot and Sanzo's growled `Shut the fuck up, Goku,' made all of us quiet and avoid looking to where Sanzo brooded in the shadows.

 

Nope, Sanzo wasn't going to co-operate. Loving Sanzo was definitely not going to be easy. But the rewards would be fantastic. My battle between mind and heart was done. I was a romantic. My heart would always win. I wondered what I could do to make sure that Sanzo's heart won his personal battle. Now that I knew I loved the bitchy monk, I wanted his love in return. Getting his love was going to be harder than anything I had done to date. Good thing I loved a challenge.

 

Get ready, Genjo Sanzo. This pervy water kappa is gunning for your heart. I hate to lose and with something as important as this, I wasn't gonna.