Gensomaden Saiyuki Fan Fiction ❯ Saiyuki Serial: Beautifully Broken Evolution ❯ 11 Wants & Needs ( Chapter 11 )

Author's Note: None of the lovelies of Saiyuki belong to me and all rights apply to the fantastic creators who do own them. I don't make anything off this but my own perverted gratification. If they did belong to me, they'd be doing a hell of a lot more of this kind of stuff on a regular basis. I am such a sick and evil little puppy.

 

~ indicates POV

 

Self-beta job. All fuck-ups are mine alone.

Thanks goes to Lillie for reading this over for me.

 

11 Wants & Needs

 

~Sanzo~

 

Gods damn Gojyo.

Why did he have to go and screw up a perfectly good thing? He was trying to piss me off, gods know why. He knew damn well there was nothing more to this... this... thing between us than just fucking. Why was he trying to turn it into more? It can't be more. I won't let it be more. I want him physically. I need the release. I didn't need him. I don't need anyone.

 

Pulling that little stunt with the kiss in the cave… I should've shot him on principal.

 

I caught Gojyo looking at me again in the rear view mirror and I was torn between wanting to shoot him and wanting to fuck him. I was perfectly fine until I started screwing him. I never had to deal with this intense want for sex before Gojyo. I sucked hard on my smoke and for some reason that made Gojyo smile wickedly at me. My traitorous body woke up to the lust moving though Gojyo's eyes and I snapped at Goku when he whined about being hungry. Gojyo just smiled wider and ran his fingers through his hair while giving me a smouldering look. He knew exactly how erotic I found the caress of his hair on my skin. He knew damn well how much I enjoyed feeling the blood red strands slide through my fingers.

 

Gods damn fucking Gojyo.

 

I averted my eyes from the rear view mirror and refused to look at him again. I pinned my gaze to the boring landscape we were rolling through and ignored the way my body seemed aware of him. It's nothing more than the familiarity of travelling together. That his appreciative looks felt good was irrelevant and completely unwanted.

 

“Sanzo, when are we gonna stop and eat? I'm starving to death here.”

 

I closed my eyes and bowed my head just a little. When Goku started to ask again, louder, I lost it and whipped out my fan. I caught the monkey on the side of the head, hard. He whined a protest and Gojyo laughed.

 

“Spanking the monkey again, Sanzo?”

 

The banishing gun was out and under Gojyo's chin before he realized I'd moved. Surprise was in his eyes but not fear. He wasn't worried about me blowing his head off and that rankled. When did Gojyo get so sure of what I would or wouldn't do? I thumbed back the hammer and felt a moment's satisfaction when wary caution finally entered his eyes.

 

“Sit there and shut the fuck up. Whoever talks next gets shot,” I growled as I dug the gun into the soft skin under Gojyo's jaw.

 

Goku sat back and looked at me wide-eyed. Gojyo looked at me for a moment longer and exhaled softly as he slid his eyes away from me. I held the gun on him a moment longer before putting it away and sliding down in my seat. I folded my arms across my chest and closed my eyes. I did not find holding a gun on Gojyo arousing. I did not see lust flare brightly in Gojyo's eyes at having the gun pressed to his flesh. I did not hear the little catch in his breath that meant he was remembering the last time I'd held a gun on him and the fulfilling results.

 

Fucking Gods damn fucking Gojyo.

 

I brooded in stony silence the rest of the day. Not even Hakkai was willing to try a conversation with me. Goku stayed blessedly silent for the rest of the day. Only Gojyo didn't seem to have his spirits dampened by my foul mood. I could feel his eyes on the back of my neck most of the day and they felt like a silky caress. When I did chance to look up and meet his gaze in the rear view mirror, I saw lust and want and need as well as something else I didn't want to even contemplate being there. My eyes skittered away and I returned to my brooding.

 

It was a relief when we pulled into a town near the end of the day. All of us were tense and tired. I noticed the way the setting sun made Gojyo's hair flare into a bright red corona around his head. I wanted to touch it and inhale the scent of spring rain that seemed to cling to it. I clenched my hands into fists and stomped into the inn instead. I booked the rooms for the night, making sure I got a single for myself. Gojyo, Hakkai and Goku could share a room or sleep in the jeep for all I cared. Screw what the talking heads would say about the cost of an extra room when one would have done for the four of us. Goku was talking excitedly about what the inn had in the way of food as we walked into the dining room. I made plans to just have a quick meal and go to the quiet of my room, away from the pervy kappa.

 

It was not an escape.

 

During supper, I couldn't seem to keep from staring as Gojyo licked a sticky sauce from his fingers. My cock started to harden as he caught my eye and held my gaze as his tongue swirled around his fingers. Suddenly, all I could think of was how it had felt to have his mouth on me. Kissing my throat, licking my nipples, laving my dick from root to tip before taking it inside the wet heat of his mouth. I growled at my travelling companions and stomped to my room, aroused and frustrated.

 

Fucking pervy kappa.

 

Once in my room, I shed my robe and sat on the bed to read the paper. It was only after I read the same line four times and still couldn't remember what the sentence was about that I tossed the paper down in disgust. I removed my glasses and set them on the night stand and pinched the bridge of my nose in annoyance. Gojyo was nothing more than my bed mate. A fuck buddy. Someone I could relieve tension and stress with. Of course it felt good when we fucked each other. If it didn't, why would I even bother? Why would he?

 

I leaned back and stared at the ceiling. I wouldn't be feeling this way if Gojyo hadn't kissed me like he did in the cave. It meant nothing. I wanted Gojyo. I didn't need Gojyo the way that kiss meant he wanted me to want him. I needed to prove that to him. I needed to prove that what we had was nothing more than a good fuck buddy relationship where we both got what we wanted, namely a good fucking with some kink tossed in every now and again. I needed to find Gojyo and the bar was the most likely place. I didn't bother dressing in my robe before I left my room. It wouldn't take me long to find Gojyo.

 

I found him sitting at a table playing cards with some of the locals. Hakkai was talking to the bartender and Goku was nowhere in sight. I marched up to the table and glared at the occupants. The locals were a little smarter than Gojyo. They made their excuses and left. Gojyo smirked at me and raised his glass to me before tossing the contents back. I jerked my head back towards to stairs and whirled around. I stopped at the base of the stairs and looked back to where Gojyo still sat at the table.

 

He stared at me for a long minute before he scooped his winnings up and sauntered after me. He paused next to me at the foot of the stairs and leaned into my personal space. The smile he gave me was heated and full of sexual promise. I could smell his hair when he stood this close to me and I wanted to bury my nose in the scarlet strands and just inhale.

 

“A private room, Sanzo? You have plans for my ass tonight?”

 

His voice was rough and low and sent heat through my veins. He usually sounded like that when he was moments away from begging me to fill his ass. I wanted him but I didn't need him. I wanted the relief his body could give me but I didn't need whatever the hell he thought he was doing to our arrangement. I gave him a shove towards the stairs and growled at him to get moving.

 

I snarled a warning when I felt a hand on my arm. None of the locals would have been so brave so I knew it had to be Hakkai. I waited with my back to him, knowing that he wanted to say something I probably wasn't interested in hearing.

 

“This journey hasn't been easy for any of us, Sanzo,” Hakkai started as he tried to turn me to face him.

 

“It's none of your business, Hakkai. This is between Gojyo and me,” I ground out as I shrugged off his hand and stomped up the stairs.

 

Hakkai wanted to say more. I could feel him wanting to come after me. I knew he and Gojyo were friends but this was between the pervy kappa and me. That Hakkai suspected if not actually knew I was fucking Gojyo was pretty obvious now. I wondered why Gojyo told him. I felt my anger mount with Gojyo. He knew I didn't want anybody to know about us screwing. I'd told him I'd kill him if he opened his big mouth about us.

 

Gojyo was standing by the window, smoking, when I entered the room. He was still dressed and gave me a lazy, sensual once over before crushing out his smoke. He looked better than any person had a right to and I wanted him.

 

“Strip and get on the bed.”

 

“Ah, so we're playing that game tonight,” Gojyo said with a wicked smile that made me harder than hell. “I should have guessed when you held your gun on me in the jeep.”

 

“Shut up and move,” I ordered as I locked the door behind me and started to take off my own clothes.

 

“Yes, master Sanzo,” Gojyo replied with a cheeky grin as he shed his clothes and moved to the bed.

 

I wanted to hit him at the same time I wanted to fuck him. From past experience, I knew I could do both and he wouldn't protest. He'd actually like it; perverted kappa that he was. I'd like it too but I wasn't going to examine that at the moment. I wasn't going to do that particular kink tonight anyway. I had something to prove to myself as well as Gojyo. He lay on his back and gripped his semi-hard erection. He stroked himself as he watched me approach the bed. Gojyo wanted me. I could see that from the desire apparent in his ruby eyes. It was one hell of a potent aphrodisiac for me and something I intended to use to the fullest.

 

I straddled his chest and pressed the head of my cock to his lips. He opened his mouth eagerly and sucked me inside. His sounds of pleasure at having my cock in his mouth edged my desire higher. His hands travelled over my hips and thighs, stroking and arousing me further. His tongue stabbed into the slit of my cock before curling around the shaft as he bobbed his head. He cupped my ass and squeezed my cheeks before one of his hands slipped between my legs to fondle my balls.

 

I panted as arousal moved through me. Gojyo was fantastic at giving head. He seemed to know exactly what I wanted, when I wanted it. I watched him through half closed eyes and decided that there was nothing stopping me from using him as I wanted. I relaxed my control and started fucking his mouth. I felt his surprise at my actions before he groaned around my cock and began to suck hard on me. He enjoyed it when I took complete control of the situation. I braced my hands on the wall in front of me and flexed my hips. Gojyo's hands settled on my ass and guided me in a steady rhythm. My eyes closed as I focused on the feel of his tongue working my cock and the shivery feel of his teeth lightly scraping my length. I gave him no warning when hit my peak. I felt him try to pull back in surprise as my cock spurted in his mouth. I reached down and fisted my hand in his silky hair as I held him on my dick.

 

“You're not done yet, Gojyo. I want your ass. Make me hard again,” I demanded as I stared into his eyes.

 

I watched as lust flared brightly in his eyes and a little whine of pleasure escaped him. Even though Gojyo complained about being ordered around in public; he took immense pleasure in being ordered around the bedroom by me. He immediately started sucking on my softening cock. A shiver moved down my spine at the feel of his mouth working so skilfully on my sensitized dick. The things he could do with teeth and tongue should be illegal. They probably were in some places.

 

I was hard again in a surprisingly short period of time. I reluctantly pulled my dick from his mouth and moved from the bed. Gojyo started to sit up but settled back when I pinned him with a scowl. He licked cock swollen lips and watched me with hungry eyes as I retrieved the lube from my bag and came back to the bed. I squeezed some out into the palm of my hand and slicked my cock before I dropped the tube onto his belly. A question moved through his eyes at the abrupt action but he stayed where he was.

 

“Get yourself ready,” I ordered as I sat back on my heels between his spread legs.

 

Wary surprise then lust flashed through his eyes. He squirted lube onto his fingers and bent his knees, fully exposing himself to me. I slowly stroked myself as I watched him smear lube around his hole and tease himself before he pushed a finger into his body. He groaned at the feel and held my eyes as he started to work his hole as I'd told him to. I watched him finger fuck himself and struggled not to jerk his hand away and shove my cock into him. He was such a sensual creature that I found it hard to hold myself in check.

 

He was teasing both of us with the motion of his fingers and my patience for that kind of thing was infinitesimal at the moment. I'd just had a spine tingling orgasm and I wanted another one. Gojyo was the one doing this to me. He was the one making me want and need things. I was okay with wanting. I wasn't okay with needing. My head said I didn't need anything or anyone. My body turned traitor and insisted I needed the pervy kappa and everything his body and actions promised to give me.

 

I needed to feel his body pressed close to mine. I needed to hear his cries of pleasure because of what I would soon be doing to him. I needed to taste the unique flavour of his mouth. I needed to hear him sing for me the song that made intense pleasure rush through my body. It was because of that almost gut-twisting need that I didn't do any of those things.

 

Gods fucking damn the need Gojyo made me feel.

 

I pulled Gojyo's fingers roughly from his body and pressed my cock to his ass. He whined in pleasure as I sank into him. I closed my eyes and held myself motionless for several seconds as I just enjoyed the sensation of Gojyo's ass clenching my cock tight. My eyes snapped open when I felt Gojyo's hand cup the back of my head and try to pull me down for a kiss. I jerked my head back and glared at him. I didn't need the intimacy of a lover's kiss. I didn't need any of his touches or caresses to get off. Sliding my dick in and out of his ass would work just fine for that.

 

“Hands above your head. Hold onto the headboard and don't let go,” I growled at him.

 

Gojyo opened his mouth to protest but shut it when I narrowed my eyes at him. I knew he realized that something about this encounter was different. His eyes held questions that I was in no mood to answer. He eventually did as I instructed and waited for what I was going to do next. I could see the wariness in his eyes but ignored it. This was about satisfying what my body wanted. This wasn't about what Gojyo needed from me.

 

Seeing him stretched out under me, connected only at our groins, was oddly erotic. I held myself up on my arms and began pumping into him. He sucked in his breath at the strong thrusts before closing his eyes and letting out a groan of pleasure. He braced his feet on the bed and started pushing his hips up to meet every thrust of mine.

 

Sweat gave his skin a pearly sheen and darkened the hair around his face to the colour of old blood. The musky scent of sex and man filled my nose and I wanted to revel in it. Gojyo panted and groaned under me as his knuckles turned white with the strength of the grip he had on the bars of the headboard. His arms trembled with the strain of doing what I'd told him to when he what he really wanted to do was take his cock in hand and jerk it along with the rhythm of my pounding into his ass. I knew he wanted to touch me. Gojyo always wanted to touch me when we fucked. He seemed to need to feel my skin rubbing against his. His stomach muscles rippled and his chest heaved as he strained under me trying to increase the contact of our bodies.

 

He was beautiful in his need.

 

He started to beg me in a whisper soft voice to touch his cock, to touch him; to let him come. Over and over he beseeched me to just touch him. The pleas were so erotic and needy that I found my hand moving to grip him without any conscious thought on my part. I hadn't intended to touch him more than I had to too get off but his moan of delight at feeling my hand on him was almost as good as hearing him sing his demon song for me. I increased my pace and his little growls of enjoyment spilled faster from his throat until it was a rolling wave of pleasure filled noise keeping time to my thrusts in his body. It was a song of passion as surely as if he had started to sing his demon song to me. I was just as helpless to the effects of that as I was to the actual song.

 

Gods damn the erotic perfection of Gojyo under me.

 

I felt my balls tighten and I tried to hold back my orgasm just to enjoy the pleasure of sliding in and out of Gojyo's ass a little longer. He writhed in sensual abandonment as I slammed my hips tight to his ass and I lost what little control I'd been hanging on to. My whole body shuddered as I came inside Gojyo. He groaned and his cock pulsed in my hand as he found his own peak and striped his belly with his seed. Both of us panted harshly and I could see his pulse beating frantically in his throat. I wanted to close my mouth over it. I felt like I needed to mark him as mine. I mentally jerked back from those thoughts.

 

I drew out of him and let go of his dick. I wiped my hand off on the edge of the sheets before leaving the bed to get my smokes. Gojyo stayed on the bed with his eyes closed, breathing heavily. He slowly let go of the bars of the headboard and swiped at his belly with the sheet. He eventually turned his head to look at me where I stood next to the window. He was waiting for me to come back to the bed to share a smoke and let him hold me. It wasn't going to happen this time. I took the final drag on my smoke before crushing it out and dressing quickly.

 

“Sanzo?” Gojyo asked with a puzzled expression. He always held me after sex. I think it was something he needed to do.

 

“Be gone before I get back,” I said coldly as I threw my jeans and shirt on and headed for the door.

 

I was going to go to the bar and get drunk. Fucking Gojyo as I had didn't help. I think it actually made it worse. I still wanted him with a nearly painful intensity. My traitorous body was crying out to crawl into the bed next to Gojyo and let him stroke his calloused hands over my skin as he held me pressed tight to his body. My body was telling me I needed the quiet, gentle contact. My body could just smarten the fuck up. I didn't need anything or anybody.

 

“Sanzo, what the fuck?” Gojyo asked with what even I recognized as hurt in his voice.

 

I knew I was being an utter bastard when I ignored him and left the room. I knew what he wanted and I wasn't willing to give it to him. He wanted to touch me and stroke my skin. I think he was starting to need to have me in his arms. As good as it always felt to be held by him, I didn't like the way I was starting to need that from him.

 

I strode stiffly into the bar and ordered a drink. Hakkai was still there and looked at me with that knowing gaze of his that saw way too much. He lost the smile he habitually wore and gave me a penetrating look. That single look held a wealth of meaning and none of it was complimentary towards me. I wanted to hunch my shoulders at that look and avoid eye contact with Hakkai. Instead, I stiffened my spine, lit a smoke and stared into my drink.

 

I knew the second Gojyo stepped into the bar without even turning around or looking into the mirror that hung over the bar. I was in deep trouble when I could just feel his presence. Hakkai slid his eyes away from me, took one look at Gojyo, and drilled me with a suddenly hostile gaze before his mask of politeness slid back into place. I was reminded by that brief look into his eyes that without the limiters on, Hakkai was one seriously dangerous demon. And he now knew I'd hurt his best friend.

 

“I'll leave you to your drink, Genjo Sanzo,” Hakkai said with chilling frost in his voice as he snatched up his beer and headed off Gojyo.

 

I almost flinched from the implication of the words that he didn't say. Although the words he spoke were perfectly civil, it most certainly wasn't what Hakkai meant. Hakkai was angry for my wounding Gojyo as I had. He might not know exactly what I'd done but he knew I'd hurt Gojyo in a way few people could.

 

I watched in the mirror above the bar as Hakkai steered Gojyo to a table in the corner of the room and signalled the waitress over. Hakkai spoke earnestly to Gojyo for several minutes. Gojyo shook his head and slouched in his seat. He let his hair fall forward, hiding his face. When his beer arrived, he tossed it back in a few gulps and signalled the waitress to bring more. Hakkai's disapproving gaze connected with mine in the mirror.

 

Hakkai's words before he went to Gojyo and the look I'd just received made me break eye contact. That man could put an entire angry tirade into a few words or a simple look. I was almost never on the receiving end of those words and looks. I didn't realize how small and uncomfortable I could be made to feel by things that weren't said.

 

When Gojyo first came into the bar, I'd seen the confused, hurt look he sent my way. As he continued to sit with Hakkai and get shit-faced drunk, his mood slowly changed from wounded to livid. I felt each venomous glare as if needles were being stabbed into me. Eventually, I tossed back the last of the drink in front of me and moved to leave the bar. I said nothing to Gojyo or Hakkai as I passed their table. I wasn't prepared for Gojyo's hand to shoot out and grab my arm, yanking me almost into his lap.

 

“I don't know what your fucking problem is, Sanzo. I may be nothing more than a dirty half breed but not even I deserved that. If you wanted to call it quits, all you had to do was tell me.”

 

Gojyo let go of me and shoved me from him on one motion. I stumbled a little before I could catch myself. Anger and hurt fairly radiated from Gojyo. Hakkai was tense and I thought he might have been seconds away from ripping off his limiters and attacking me no matter the expression of polite indifference on his face. I stiffened my spine and marched out of the bar and back to my room. I slammed the door and stood by the window. My hands shook slightly as I lit a smoke.

 

I told myself it was a delayed reaction to the tension and anger of Gojyo and Hakkai. My hands weren't shaking because Gojyo had just ended our relationship. My stomach wasn't twisting up in knots because of the hurt I knew I'd caused Gojyo by treating him as nothing more than a body to use. I was not feeling like I'd just thrown away one of the most solid, worthwhile things that had come to me in longer than I cared to think about. I blew smoke slowly out and stared off into the night. My chest felt tight and for once I really didn't want to be alone. I slammed my fist into the wall next to the window and squeezed my eyes shut. Damn Gojyo for making me want and need things I had no business wanting or needing.

 

Fucking gods damn fucking Gojyo for making me care.