Gravitation Fan Fiction ❯ Blood Runs Thicker Than Water ❯ A Shoulder To Cry On. ( Chapter 5 )

Shuichi and his young keyboardist sat in silence for several long minutes before beginning to talk about what had happened the night before at Tohma's home.

 

Shu, however hesitant, started off the conversation.

“Suguru-kun, I just want you to know that none of what happened is your fault,”

He gave the boy a hopeful smile as he took Fujisaki by the hand.

The singer was about to keep talking, when the green haired teenager suddenly ripped his hand away and stood up to go nowhere.

“It was my fault though!” He cried fiercely as tears began to form in his eyes once more, his face reddening in anger and shame, “I was the one who kept having those sick thoughts and it was my fault that I let Tohma keep going! I could have stopped it, but I didn't want to! Because it …felt right. Because I love him!”

 

Shuichi didn't know what to say or what to do. The first thing that Suguru's outburst brought to mind was his own situation with Eiri. Several years previous, when he had first started to see his lover more frequently, often spending several nights in a row at his apartment, Shu's parent's began to ask questions. He denied rumors and always found ways to placate his parent's and regain their belief that he was in fact, straight.

Eventually though, after he and Eiri were caught and interviewed on national television, his parent's found out about his lies and about he and his lover's intimate relationship with one another. There had been many screaming matches following the television appearance, some between just Shuichi and his parents and a rare few involving Eiri as well. Shuichi's father even threatened to disown him for what he was doing, but all Shu could remember saying in his defense was that he loved Eiri with all his heart and soul and that there was nothing else he could say to explain it.

At present Shuichi had a great relationship with his parent's, particularly so with his mother and younger sister Maiko, but it took two years of fighting and trying to prove that he really did love Eiri the way he said he did to get things relatively back to normal with his family.

 

Shuichi stood up and once again took Suguru by the hand, despite the boy's attempt to pull it away.

He tugged the green haired youth close and hugged him until the teen hugged back. The hug was more for physical support then anything because Shuichi didn't think the pianist was hugged very often at home.

 

“Now I know that I really don't need to say this, but I love Eiri more then anything else in the world. Nothing anybody says or does will change that. You coming here today and telling me that you love Seguchi-san reminded me of myself at your age and so, even though there are many many people out there that will disagree with it and maybe even hate you for it, I say you should love who you want!”

 

Fujisaki looked up at Shuichi's honest face and for one moment, he believed that maybe some form of relationship with his cousin could work out after all.

Because the intelligent musician was a formulated and methodical thinker, his brain started to do what it did best and mapped out a sort of positive and negative chart regarding his ability to be with Tohma.

They did work in the same building and Suguru's parents were always thrilled when the two of them spent time together, practicing piano or going over musical scores, so being together wouldn't be a very large problem.

Being seen out together was hardly a problem either because they were almost always together anyway. People who did not know of their relation to one another would assume that Suguru was an assistant or an intern and think nothing of his closeness to Tohma. Those people that did know of their familial ties would just assume that the two were close cousins and think nothing of it.

 

Suguru couldn't find anything specifically negative that would throw a kink in his plan other then what would happen if they were ever discovered.

 

“You…you really think I should try and make it work out Shindo-kun?”

 

“Yes Suguru-kun, I really really do. I mean, if you've already had sex with--”

 

“But we didn't…!I haven't!” Fujisaki blurted out suddenly.

He knew that he had to set Shuichi straight with this so he could get an honest answer and, if it were at all possible, a well thought out one as well.

 

“Oh,” Shuichi said in response to being interrupted by such news, “I umm… well I just assumed that you had! I mean I thought that was why you came here, but…Well it doesn`t change anything at all, but--”

 

Suguru knew that Shuichi's rant was driving down a one way street towards babble town so he decided that there were some things that he needed to tell the older man.

 

“No no, Shindo-kun we did…well we did things last night that… I h-had never done before …with anybody.”

Shuichi found the look that came over the young teens face when he said this especially difficult to read. It was, mournful and disappointed, yet still happy. The same look that you might expect to find on the face of a child staring down at both the sparkling eyes of a brand new puppy and the stiff, cold corpse of his former pet and best friend, who he was forced to part with for one reason or another.

 

Shu assumed that Suguru was telling him that he had almost lost his virginity to his cousin, but something had stopped it from happening.

 

“Umm, I really don't mean to pry,” The singer said as he sat down on the edge of the couch, hands threaded together in his lap, “But…where did all of this, come from Fujisaki? I didn`t know you liked...that you were…well, are you gay?”

 

Suguru looked both shocked and bashful at the same time as he searched his brain for an answer to give his lead singer.

 

“Well I really can't explain it to myself so it's …sort of hard to tell you exactly why I feel the way I do, and as for being gay, I…have no idea…”

The musician looked as if he were about to cry, his head hung low, lips pursed tight and his neck muscles pulled taut to keep the tears down inside him.

“I don't really remember feeling this way for another guy before…”

 

Shuichi now wished he hadn't asked because Suguru's sexual orientation seemed to be a very tender subject at the moment.

Perhaps it would be best for the boy if he just went home and took some time for himself, to sort things out.

 

“Fujisaki? I'll call K-san and tell him that you won't be in today alright?” Shu said as he put a hand on Suguru's back, “You go home and take a day for yourself okay?”

 

Suguru looked up and began to protest, but Shuichi wouldn't take no for an answer. The two argued for some time before the youngest of the two finally gave in and said he would go home and work on his arranging.

 

“Fine,” Shuichi declared happily, “as long as you're at home, okay?”

 

“Agreed,” The young keyboardist sighed as he began putting his shoes on his feet.

 

Suguru was about to head out the door when Shuichi stopped him and went to grab a coat for the kid to borrow.

 

“I can't have you walking home without a jacket of some kind now can I?” The singer said with a smile.

“And… I also wanted to tell you that you can call me whenever you need to. I'm always here to talk if you feel the need to talk.”

 

Fujisaki buttoned up the blue and white jacket he was handed silently as he thought about everything that Shuichi and he had shared in the last hour.

Suddenly, without much thought, Suguru latched himself around Shu's neck. He thanked the older man for listening and taking the time to care about his problems.

 

“You can always talk to me, Suguru-kun. About whatever comes into that genius head of yours. I may not be the smartest one in the band, but when it comes to matters of the heart I know more then both you and Hiro put together! Now go home before I pick you up and take you there myself!”

 

Suguru smiled at the singer and for once in his life, he felt like he had a best friend.

 

~~~~

 

When he got home, Fujisaki faced the repercussions for not calling his mother and after that his days slipped back into normality. School was drab, music sessions with Bad Luck were as hectic as ever and home life seemed almost unbearably dull in comparison.

The one thing Suguru expected would change, were his interactions with Tohma. He was wrong of course as it seemed like his cousin was trying to avoid him. If they passed in the halls at NG or in the company rec. room, it was as if the two didn't even know each other. Fujisaki was hurt by Tohma's lack of recognition , especially under the circumstances and one day, nearly two weeks after their night together, he worked up the courage to voice his feelings.

 

“Tohma-san, may I speak with you?” the timid young man asked as he poked his head into the blonde's office.

The older musician nodded and stacked his papers away neatly.

 

“What would you like to talk to me about Suguru-kun?” He asked in the same overly polite, yet incredibly impersonal tone that he used when making important business deals.

That was the last straw.

 

“You know what I'm here to talk to you about so don't play these games with me Tohma!”

Suguru's hands were now planted on his cousins desk as he shouted at the older man.

“I've tried talking to you and you act like nothing happened! I'm sick of this shit! I thought I meant more to you then this!”

 

Tohma was now feeling incredibly downtrodden and was some what reluctant to voice his true feelings. He wasn't sure that what he felt in his heart was real enough for anything stable to form between the two of them, but Suguru's patience with him was running out. He knew he would have to make a decision soon.

 

The blonde stood up from his desk and turned to look out the window.

 

“You are right, my Suguru-chan,” He whispered softly as he watched the first rain drops spatter the large pane glass window, “I know I shouldn't be avoiding you like this, but I felt that, with the state of affairs that caused you to run out of my home in tears, this would have been what you wanted.”

 

Suguru was now at a loss for words. He felt almost cowardly, though he didn't have the faintest clue as to why. Tears suddenly formed in the corners of his eyes and the young musician blinked furiously to keep them from falling and leaving their burning trail of wetness over his cheeks.

 

Tohma turned just in time to see his younger cousin collapse into a crying heap on the floor.

 

“Oh Su-chan,” He uttered breathlessly as he raced around to sit by his cousin's side. The blonde reached a tentative hand out towards his cousin and placed it on the boys shoulder.

Fujisaki flinched at the contact and jerked his body out of Tohma's grasp.

“No! Don't touch me!” he sobbed out fiercely as he covered his face with his hands.

“I thought you said you loved me! You didn't even c-come after me when I ran out t-that morning!”

 

Tohma remembered that morning as if it were yesterday. He remembered how painful it was to hear Suguru speak as he had, so bitter and full of self induced guilt. The words were burned into his memory and he would never be able to forget them, of that he was certain.

The blonde also remembered how cold the bath water had been when he was finally able to get out of the tub. His memories of that day were so vivid, that while recalling them, Tohma swore he could taste the salty, bitter tears that had nearly drowned him as they flowed freely from his eyes.

~~~~~

 

Okies this is late I know but don't hate me! I've had a really busy summer and just now found the inspiration to continue this!

I hope you enjoyed this.

Until next time,

Bakayasha