Gravitation Fan Fiction ❯ Break Through ❯ Lost Complex ( Chapter 22 )

[ X - Adult: No readers under 18. Contains Graphic Adult Themes/Extreme violence. ]

Finally I got off my lazy bum!!

This chapter is a bit weird, there is another chapter branching from it--one that you may or may chose not to read-

Buy on 'this' chapter someone realizes his true feelings for someone else... I won't say who, so you'll have to read to find out.^^

Anime/Manga: Gravitation Fan Fiction | Genre(s): Romance / Hentai / Drama / Angst | Type: Alternate Universe | Uploaded On: 01.03.2006 | Updated On: 01.04.2006 | Pages: 16 | Words: 17.4K | Visits: 683 | Status: Work In Progress

Disclaimer: I do not own Gravitation or any of the anime/manga mentioned within this story.

Well I'd say it's been a long time. I have a perfectly good excuse this time (at least for the first month^^) Wilma did a number on me and my home, I was out of power for two weeks and without internet for almost a month… yeah, yeah so what you say. It still doesn't justify all these time! I know I know, but at least I'm posting a long, long chapter… well two chapters^^

Like I said previously, you don't have to read Minna, minna, minna, but it would be very, very helpful to understand the rest of the plot (plus you never now what will happen with those two, yeah… THOSEtwo)

I will try to explain as much as I can along the way though for those who decide not to read it, so if I sound like I'm repeating myself… you know why. I hope you guys enjoy this chapter, and have a great holiday (whichever one you celebrate) with you family and friends.

A shout out to Reyn for proof reading this for me^^

Best Regards. Blue

Chapter Twenty-one: Lost Complex

Shuichi came into the dinning room to find Hiro already sitting at the table, sipping coffee and reading a music magazine.

“All you need is the dorky glasses, and you'd be the man of the house,” Shuichi noted sarcastically taking his usual seat across from his best friend.

“And all you need is a ruler and you'd be Tanaka-san.” Shuichi cringed at the mention of their High School biology teacher. His best friend smirked, flipping him the bird.

“Very funny… lucky those who had a good night's sleep,” Shuichi mumbled annoyed.

“Who said I had any sleep?” Hiro winked mischievously.

“Yeah, rub it in… jerk.” Shuichi poured himself a glass of orange juice, and got a couple of French toast pieces from the big feast before him. “What's with the American style breakfast? Don't tell me you cooked for your man? Aww, how cute!” the signer laughed.

“First of all, I didn't cook,” Hiro replied calmly, “Tohma's chef did. Second, Tohma is not my man.”

“Your woman then, thanks for the info, I really did want to know which one of you two wore the pants, I was betting on him though.” Shuichi stuffed his mouth with the steamy food. “Oh man, this is the best! Must be nice to have a chef following you around, huh?” he remarked, getting a couple of pancakes this time.

“Funny, but no, we are two individuals in love, who share equal rights on a relationship based on trust.” Shuichi stopped eating and looked at his best friend seriously for a moment, then began laughing hysterically.

“What's wrong with you man!” Hiro snapped getting annoyed, but trying not to show it.

“Sorry man, it's just that I thought you said `equal' and `based on trust' relationship,” Shuichi kept snickering as he said the sarcastic words. Hiro looked none too pleased, committing these little comments to memory to get him for them later.

“Anyway,” Hiro changed the subject, “sorry about last night.”

“Yeah, that reminds me. Are you gonna give me nightly concerts every night? Cause let me tell you…”

“Yeah… about that,” Hiro put his magazine aside, getting serious. Shuichi got serious as well, noting change of mood.

“Where's Seguchi?” Shuichi asked lowly, sensing that Hiro's change of mood had something to do with him.

“Sleeping,” Hiro replied.

“So what's wrong, what happened the other day?” The singer asked curiously referring to the little incident of the other night.

“Well, Tohma and his wife separated.” Shu's eyes opened wide.

“Over you!?”

“No dummy, there was a lot of other stuff going on. Anyway, Tohma doesn't want to move into any of his other apartments without checking in with Mika-san first. And obviously he's not going to bother her with that just yet. So I told him he could stay here,” Hiro finished casually, as if he had been talking about the whether.

“You told him what?!” Shuichi snapped getting to his feet.

“You don't mind do you?”

“Yeah, I do!” Shu looked around making sure Seguchi was not coming, and leaned towards Hiro. “He's richer than rich. I'm sure he owns a hotel or two, and if he doesn't he can certainly afford to stay in one,” Shu whispered angrily.

“He also owns this apartment,” Hiro observed.

“I'm sure he's getting rent fees from our pay. Hiro he can't stay here!”

“Why not? I don't want him to stay at a hotel. He insisted on it, but I convinced him to stay here with me.” Seeing Hiro's determined face made Shuichi realize how serious he was about their boss. He'd never seen his friend like this. Not even when Hiro swore Maiko was the future mother of his children.

“Oh sure, and Shindou-kun eats flies! You could have at least checked in with me.” Shuichi's anger was dissipating quickly, how could he come between lovers?

“I'm checking in with you.”

“I mean `before' you offered.”

“He won't bother you. He has tons of work to before we release, so he'll hardly even be here.”

“You say that, but I bet he'll be here for his breakfast, lunch, and dinner's fuck. And that's on top of the nightly serenades,” Shuichi protested.

“You have an over active imagination Shuichi!” Hiro arched a brow. “Anyhow, how does that affects you?” Shu hmphed loudly and looked the other way crossing his arms stubbornly, the battle already lost.

“I just wish you would have considered my feelings.”

“I'm sorry, but when it comes to Tohma, it's like I'm not myself,” Hiro apologized.

“Yeah, your small head takes over, I see.”

“I just want to see if we're doing the right thing by being together… you understand right?”

“I guess.” Shu turned back to face his friend, his anger already gone.

“He'll only be here for a little while. After the release, he'll have more time to look for a place.”

“That's fine,” Shuichi finally agreed nonchalantly, there was no point in arguing anymore. He couldn't say he blamed his friend, God knew he would do the same thing for some asshole he didn't even want to think about.

“Good morning.” As if on cue, Seguchi Tohma made his grand entrance, dressed in Hiro's clothes. Shuichi almost spit the juice he had just drunk at the sight.

“What? Don't you think they suit me Shindou-kun?” He asked admiring himself.

“Yeah… if you were a foot taller,” Shuichi replied trying not to laugh at the man who paid his bills.

“Anyway…” Hiro interrupted, “Shu is cool with you staying here, see? I told you.”

Shuichi eyed his friend but said nothing. Hiro stood as Seguchi made his way to the table and gave him a quick peck on the lips. Shuichi instinctively looked the other way, blushing and feeling a little jealous at the familiarity the two men shared.

“Really Shindou-kun? I don't want to impose.” Tohma brightened; Shuichi had to admit that when he was not in his business, super hotshot producer mode, the man was all right.

“It's no problem, but I will be moving across the hall,” the singer stated, giving Hiro a pointed look. “And I know someone is gonna help me move my stuff.” Seguchi's cheeks turned a lovely shade of red and Hiro smirked.

“Yes, of course we will help you!” Seguchi immediately replied.

“He meant me, dummy.” Hiro knocked Tohma on the head affectionately, making Shuichi more jealous.

“He can help, he was making noise too,” the singer added slyly.

“What!? Did you have a glass against the wall or something? We weren't that loud…” Hiro remarked amusedly.

“Whatever.” Shu ate some more of his toast and watched jealously as Hiro poured Seguchi his coffee and prepared it, knowing exactly how the blonde liked it. He had to admit that the two made a cute couple; so unlike each other, and yet so similar in many ways. He thought about Yuki and how he had wanted their relationship to be just like that, the one caring for the other. He knew now that those dreams would never come to pass.

Tohma noticed the singer's gloomy look all of a sudden and felt - as he had for the past week or so - anger towards his ex lover. When would he learn that others always got hurt because of his selfish actions? He himself had been so many times in the past, yet he always went back because he loved him and knew that Eiri felt the same for him, but was too stubborn to admit it or apologize. He could see something of himself in Shuichi, but the younger man was not as strong as he had been, and was just as stubborn as Eiri. If neither of the two knuckleheads swallowed their foolish pride and acted like the bigger man, what could be a perfect relationship would be over before it even started.

Although he couldn't really blame Shuichi, and Eiri would very much deserve if the hyper kid moved on for good. But…Tohma wanted Eiri to find the same happiness he had found with Hiro--even if most of the time he didn't seem to deserve it.

“So, what are you doing today Shuichi?” Hiro asked noting the heavy silence. Shuichi opened his mouth to respond, but was halted by the ring of his cell phone.

Shuichi looked at the ID and rolled his eyes when he saw who it was. “I swear I'm going to kick that jerk's ass one of these days!” he sighed answering nonetheless.

“Hello,” he spat in annoyance.

“Shuuuuu-kun!” The familiar voice of Ryuichi came full throttle. “Are you mad at me Shu?”

“Hey, what's up?” His whole face brightened. Hiro and Tohma looked at one another wondering who it was. “Of course I'm not mad at you, but how come you're calling from Tatsuha's phone, Ryu-kun?” Shuichi asked in a whole different tone from his initial one. The other two rolled their eyes and continued their breakfast.

“Sakuma Ryuichi and Uesugi Tatsuha together in the same room at this early hour? What's wrong with that picture?” Hiro murmured sarcastically into Tohma's ear, but loud enough for Shuichi to hear. The singer gave him a face, and turned around.

“I gave you my number Ryu; I even added it to your phone book,” Shu continued, trying to imagine the current picture of the two at a hotel… naked, or at Ryu's place… Damn even a sixteen year old jerk was getting it! Was everyone getting with someone but him?

“Who cares, Tatsu-kun dialed for me,” The air headed singer responded happily.

“I almost didn't pick up,” Shuichi admitted.

“Why? Tatsu-kun is super nice.”

“If you say so. Anyways… what's up? You're up early.”

“Yeah, I've had a great morning so far, Tatsu-kun and I…”

“I'm sure Ryu-kun, but I don't want to hear what you were doing with pervert-san if you don't mind,” Shuichi said as he frowned.

“What, what were they doing?!” Hiro leaned on his elbows, pretending interest. Tohma laughed and hit him on the arm.

“Who's that?” Ryuichi asked a little annoyed.

“Nobody… only Hiro and company.” Shu eyed his friend frowning.

“Ooh is Tohma-kun there too?” Ryu lightened up.

“Yeah, I get to see my boss in the comfort of my own home, too,” Shu said boringly.

“Lucky you I let you feast your eyes on my beautiful angel!” Hiro snapped him on the head.

“Hiro!” Tohma blushed.

“Can I talk to Tohma?” Ryu begged. Shuichi turned back around and gave the phone to his boss; who in turn took it uncertainly. And as soon as he did, Shuichi grabbed Hiro by the collar and shook him hard.

“Ryuichi?” Tohma asked, obviously knowing that it was his absent minded - but too smart for his own good - band mate

“Tohma-chan! What are you doing at Shu's place? Eh! I'm so jealous! Is he naked, does his hair stick up in the morning… what's he wearing…?” The singer went on like a little boy, making - unbeknownst to him - a certain monk angry as hell.

“Ryuichi, calm down!” Tohma ordered sternly, making the other two turn to him. “It's not my place to comment on that,” he continued.

“You're no fun Tohma! I don't know how you get with such cool people like Yuki-sama when being such a sour puss.” Tohma frowned, remembering that his affair with Eiri was now public knowledge. “Anyways, I'm here with Tatsu-kun and we did yummy things all morning…”

“Ryuichi, I don't need to know what you were doing with him. You do know he is sixteen, right?” The producer asked seriously.

“He sure doesn't act like it,” Ryu quipped. “So what are you guys doing today?”

“I don't know what they'll do, but I have to work,” Tohma responded. “So, let me go Ryu, I have to get ready. I'll give you back Shuichi.”

“What?! You don't have to work today do you?” Hiro let go of Shuichi and turned to his lover. Tohma looked at him apologetically and nodded handing Shuichi back the phone.

“I do. You guys might be off, but this is where the fun starts for me.”

“C'mon, I thought we'd go somewhere romantic and mushy today,” Hiro whined like he'd seen Sakuma Ryuichi do.

“Please do not do that, Hiro-chan,” The producer said, scared. Hiro pouted and gave him big puppy eyes, Sakuma style. All he needed was Kumagoro and he'd be set.

Tohma realized just then why he couldn't deny Ryuichi anything… it looked just too cute. He thought for a moment, then, bringing his fingers to hold the bridge of his nose conceded. “Fine, I guess I can take the day off.”

“Yes!!” Hiro exclaimed jumping off his chair and raising his arms. “I gotta take lessons from a certain somebody more often,” he quipped.

“I'll dump you!” Tohma warned seriously.

“You two are disgusting,” Shuichi remarked while watching the two as he closed his phone and set it down on the table.

“Yeah, you're one to talk. I'm sure if a certain mangaka was here you'd be acting worse than me.” Hiro raised his brows.

“Hiro…” Tohma warned.

“Don't worry, Shu can take it like a man, ne Shu-chan?”

“What mangaka are you talking about… it's not that Murakami Maki wench right? `Cause she fell from the ugly tree, plus, I don't read yaoi,” Shuichi tried to joke, but it was very apparent that he was not amused. “Anyhow, Ryu and Tatsuha are going to a hot springs resort in Hokkaido, and Ryu wants us to come with.”

Tohma eyed Hiro, ready to burst out laughing. He'd faster be caught dead than hanging out with those two. Hiro on the other hand seem to be considering it...

“Can we bring someone?” he asked. Tohma choked on his coffee and stared at his lover as he were an alien, but offered no protest.

“Who?” Shuichi squinted his eyes suspiciously.

“Suguru, you idiot,” Hiro replied. Tohma understood why and smiled, squeezing his lover's hand, and loving him all the more.

“I guess…We can make it a Nittle Grasper/Bad Luck hot spring special!” Shu laughed. “Just like in anime!”

“Please don't invite Noriko,” Tohma immediately asked.

“Why? Noriko-san is cool,” Hiro protested.

“She is loud and obnoxious; you have not been out with her… I have,” Tohma rationalized.

“Yeah…. She is annoying, and she's always picking on me,” Shuichi added.

Well, on that I can't really blame her,” Tohma agreed.

“You two wait `till I tell her what you said,” Hiro warned, glaring at the two.

“When did Fujisaki got here?” Shuichi looked about looking for the moody teen, and then eyed Hiro accusingly.

“Hey! We can ask Yuki-san if he wants to come!” Hiro exclaimed ignoring Shuichi's comment.

“Can it!” Shuichi threw a bagel at him and Tohma laughed when it hit his lover right on the face. “It's not funny anymore.”

“Who said I was trying to be funny? And who said it's for you? I want to see him naked; I bet he has a big boner.” Shuichi got to his feet and walked away.

“I'm going to get ready. Call Suguru if you want him to come.” And he went to his room. Tohma grabbed the same bagel Shuichi had thrown, and threw it at Hiro hitting him hard.

“You're so insensitive! And to think I thought you were so cute for wanting to help Su-chan win Tatsuha's graces… you're the worst. Shindou-kun is your best friend!” Tohma accused.

“I know him, and I know how far I can push. Trust me, when you want to forget someone, the best thing to do is think of that person as much as possible.”

“I didn't know you were a therapist,” Tohma reproached still upset.

“It's also pay back from back when I used to like his sister and he'd rub it in every time she slept with someone.” Tohma rolled his eyes.

“You guys are too weird for me,” he said shaking his head.

Hiro stood. “Let's go take a long shower before we leave. Suguru better kiss my feet for the sacrifice I'm about to make for him.” The longhaired man held out his hand to his lover.

“What aboutthe sacrificeI'm about to make?” Tohma smirked.

“Ah, but I fully plan to make it up to you my love.” Hiro bowed and met the eyes of the man who is holding his heart captive with a wide smirk.

“Well, if he doesn't kiss you feet, I will.”

XXX

“How are you doing?” Mikka asked. Her friend had been sitting without even blinking for half an hour. “C'mon honey, you have to pull through.” Seguchi Mika snapped her eyes to the younger woman resentfully. “I didn't mean it that way, I'm sure it's just like every other time. He'll be back soon enough.”

“He won't… not this time,” Mika murmured softening her gaze, remembering the determination in Tohma's eyes as he let her down that night.

“He will, I just know it. But even if he doesn't, you're young, beautiful, and rich. Men will fall at your feet.” Again Mika hardened her gaze.

“The only man I want falling at my feet is somewhere with another man…a boy!” A tear slide down her face, and Mikka cursed herself for making her only friend cry.

“Mika-chan, please don't be like this. I don't want to leave knowing you're this miserable,” Mikka pleaded. She had thought her friend would try to look unfazed like she always did when she and Tohma had a fight, but seeing her like this really broke her heart… what the hell was he thinking! Shacking up with a man.

“Leave? Where are you going?” The older woman asked scared.

“I'm going away for a few days. I'll be back before the week is over.” Mikka smiled reassuringly.

“By yourself?”

“With Eiri, we'll be going to Hokkaido.” Mika watched her friend jealously. How ironic that her life was over because of her despicable brother. And the bastard was going on a nice little romantic trip. She blamed Eiri for Tohma's taste for men. If he hadn't pimped himself out to get his idiotic manga published, Tohma would have never strayed and would still be with her. The oldest Uesugi sibling contemplated telling her friend just who her `perfect' little fiancé really was. If her life was to be over, so should his.

“I'll call you everyday. Eiri spoke to Tohma, and he said he'll call you too.” To this Mika perked up.

“When did Eiri talk to him?”

“Yesterday, they had lunch together. Tohma is worried about you, he said he'll give you a few days to recover and he'll call to see if you need anything. See? He won't desert you.” Mika's heart warmed… there was hope still. “Eiri is worried about you too,” Mikka added lowly.

“Hmph,” Mika replied turning her head the other way, “Feeling guilty you mean,” she whispered to herself.

“I'm sorry? I didn't hear you.”

“Nothing, you go ahead and have fun, hon. I'm sure you'll be super busy after your release,” Mika took Mikka's hand and patted it affectionately. She had to admit that the younger woman has always been there for her.

In the beginning Mika couldn't always say she had cared for the younger woman. She had found her to be low class and clingy, but grew close to her, so that she could keep an eye on her relationship with Eiri. From there, little by little Mikka Costa had earned a place in the oldest Uesugi's heart.

Mika vowed to find a way to make Eiri pay without hurting her friend. His crime could not go unpunished. But first things first, before anything else, she would do anything and everything necessary to see that Hiroshi bastard pay dearly for taking her Tohma away from her… even if for a little while.

XXX

“I will be leaving town for a few days. I trust you can handle that Onizuka.” Yuki pointed an accusing glare to his manager. Yuki knew very well the man was capable, and had done everything in his power to cope with the fact that he himself had almost neglected all his duties as the head and main artist in the company. But he was not about to praise him, or acknowledge that he appreciated his manager's efforts and loyalty.

“But Yuki-sama, where will you be going? Will I be able to contact you?” Onizuka wiped his forehead nervously, they had just gotten Yuki-sama back and he was already leaving them again. He only hoped that their moody boss didn't decide to make it another two months before he decided to come back.

“If it is absolutely necessary. But of course I'd rather you deal with anything that might arise on your own, before calling me.” Yuki gave the man a look that told him he meant every word.

“Of course Yuki-sama, just knowing that you can be contacted gives me great peace of mind. I will do everything in my power to run things smoothly without having to bother you.” The man bowed as he said the words.

“Good.” Yuki nodded curtly and turned to the others present. “Now, let's talk about what I have planned for the next couple of months. I want full advertisement for `Angel Sanctuary', starting right after we announce the end of `Kenshin'. I want to assure everyone that we have something new to offer in its place.” Nods of agreement all around met the mangaka. “I will take work with me, and I will be working in full on it. I should have two issues ready when I come back. Unlike Kenshin and Weiss and all my other works, with the exception of NeonGenesis, I know exactly how his one is going to end.”

“When are you planning to release Yuki-sama?” Onizuka voiced the question in everybody's mind. As their boss kept talking about the new project, and even about ending Kenshin to work on it in full, his team had no choice but to wonder what exactly was behind it. What could be motivating their boss to make such a drastic change?

“Depends on how much I have done by the time Kenshin ends. I'm shooting for the same week, but who knows. This trip will set me back some.” Yuki stopped before revealing any personal details. “I'll let you know for sure when I come back.” Everyone nodded in agreement. Then the meeting turned into planning for the upcoming season and to review the offers from various animation companies for turning Yuki's works into anime.

That had been something that had never really interested him before, but now, he'd gladly take on any project just to keep himself occupied, and a certain singer out of his mind.

“…Well,” Yuki announced getting to his feet after the long meeting came to an end, “I trust we're all on the same page. Onizuka, I'll be at my studio if you need me, but let's hope you don't.” The manager bowed slightly, as did the rest. And the mangaka left hoping he could get enough done before Mikka began nagging him with the trip.

XXX

“Shuuu-kun!” Ryuichi ran to him as soon as he spotted him. Tatsuha stood by Ryu's limo wearing the expression of one who did not want to be there. Ryuichi wore a simple male grey kimono that made him look even younger. He stopped once he reached the younger singer, and instead of throwing himself on Shuichi as he always did, he bowed properly shocking them all. He did the same to each of them, smirking widely once he turned to Tohma.

“I see you still own that kimono Ryu-kun,” the producer observed smiling as well. The older singer nodded giving him the thumbs up.

“Why, what's with the kimono?” Shuichi asked confused, to him it looked like a regular male kimono. Ryuichi smirked and turned, showing printed on the back of the grey tunic - a giant Kumagoro.

“Tohma-kun gave it to me for my twentieth birthday,” Ryuichi beamed.

“It was for you thirtieth,” the producer corrected rolling his eyes.

“Shhh Tohma! I don't want then to know that I'm old!” They all laughed and shook their heads collectively… all but Suguru.

“Hello Tatsuha.” The teen took a few steps towards the monk.

“Hello,” Tatsuha responded politely. “I didn't know you were coming.”

“Hiro-kun invited me, is there a problem?”

“No, of course not, I mean the whole circus is here, one more clown won't make a difference.”

“Glad to hear… speaking of clowns,” the teen turned to Ryuichi, “Sakuma-san, your kimono is so cute, it looks great.” Suguru smiled sarcastically.

“Do you think so too, Su-chan?” the man beamed, oblivious of the bad blood intended in the comment. “Ok, let's go to the Hot Springs!” he shouted and took Shuichi's arm. “Na no da!” he sang marching and dragging Shuichi towards the limo.

All of them eager were to get there for their own personal reasons.

XXX

For those of you interested in Yu&Shu mega-super-angsty and childish interaction, refer to the Minna, Minna, Minna chapter for more. The rest of you go on reading… but you'll be missing some good stuff… really good, that may or may not affect the whole plot form here on out.

XXX

The week went by in slow motion. Since coming back from Hokkaido, Shuichi went out of his mind, from denial to self-pity, then to rage. He decided that blocking the hellish trip out of his mind and devoting himself to his work was the sensible thing to do. Counting the hours until their album's release was the only thing keeping him sane now.

In fact, there had been quite the hype about it, just like Seguchi had predicted. And the beauty of it all was that they didn't even have to promote it in the past few weeks… just like Seguchi told them. He had to admit that the man was a real genius in what he did. Although, Shuichi would have been happier mingling with the crowds, doing autograph signings, radio interviews, maybe a TV show or two, and all that fun stuff. But he guessed their boss knew best. After all, he was the most successful producer in the whole nation.

Now as he sat alone on the balcony agonizing, trying to hold on for just one more day of this torture, waiting eagerly for it to end. He reflected on the past few hours, as there was nothing else he could do.

It consoled him that at least he wasn't the only one who felt this way. He had sat at home the previous night with Hiro and Suguru, completely stupefied while watching the official NG press conference held by their boss. In it, he confirmed the rumors of their collaboration with Nittle Grasper. Rumors he himself had told them to keep under wraps. Telling them that he would keep that as a little ace up his sleeves and would let fans find out once they came home with the album and listen to it, creating even a bigger buzz.

The fact that Seguchi had done the opposite worried Shuichi greatly. Was Seguchi worried they wouldn't sell and that's why he felt the need to announce it? Or was he just quenching press curiosity? Or was there no reason at all? Shu could pull every hair in his head trying to answer these questions to no avail. On top of that, Hiro had been equally surprised by the announcement, which meant Seguchi had not run it by him, and that scared him even more.

But… regardless of the reasoning behind it, there was a bigger problem to face. Now that the word was out, everyone was expecting greatness from the new comers who were the first to ever collaborate with the music industry's biggest titans. Granted, this would of course help boost Bad Luck's popularity a lot, but it also raised the bar on people's expectations of them. Shuichi had been worried about that all along, and now they had this great reputation NG had created for them to live up to… God, it was all too stressful for Shuichi to handle.And even though Seguchi reassured him of his talent, and Ryuichi swore to him that he was a lot better than when his idol started, to Shuichi it was not enough. Now, he was worried about selling anything at all. Would people buy because they wanted to listen to their music, or because they were the band that collaborated with Grasper?

Who cared about expectations anymore! Even if he was good—which he seriously doubted as of late—if the band didn't sell records, they would be dropped from the label like flies, thus adding another failure to his long list of.

All in all, with one more day to go until release, Shuichi could hardly breathe from the agony of it all.

Hiro seemed to be doing great in spite that everything could go totally wrong, which infuriated Shuichi. He seemed as if he could care less whether they bombed or not. At least, that's the impression he gave Shuichi. On top of that, he was hardly ever around anymore, following Seguchi around like a shadow. They didn't even seem like they were friends anymore… where had they strayed so far apart? Shuichi couldn't take it. There were so many things he wanted to talk about to his best friend and partner in crime, so many doubts. He felt as if he didn't even know Hiro anymore, and since they came back from Hokkaido they had hardly talked to one another.

Hmph… Hokkaido… he didn't even want to remember those awful two days. “Best not to think about it,” he whispered to himself, but he couldn't help but to go back to that paradise that had been his hell on earth. Just forget it… you were doing so great! Don't think abut it… don't think about him! The voice inside his mind whispered.

Hiro came in at that time, and he couldn't have been gladder for the intrusion. “Hey!” the guitarist greeted him as soon as he spotted him sitting out in the terrace.

“Who are you? Somebody… call the police there are strangers in my house!” Shuichi tried to joke, but he was just not in the mood.

“Very funny.” Hiro smacked him on the shoulder, and sat on the chair next to him. “What are you doing out here? It's kind of cold.”

“I have nothing to do really; I mean, I don't have a busy boyfriend to run after.” Hiro got to his feet.

“If you're going to be like that, I got better things to do.” His friend walked back in the apartment.

“No man. I'm sorry, I'm just a bit jumpy that's all, sit with me a while, we haven't talked in ages,” Shu begged.

“A bit jumpy is understating it a bit; you've been a real bitch since the trip,” Hiro asserted.

“Yeah well, that was not the most relaxing experience I've ever had. Anyway, let's not talk about that, ok? I was thinking about our release tomorrow, I mean, I thought I was ready, but the more I think about it the more I realize that nothing can prepare me for it,” Shu sighed and stared ahead at the setting sun.

“I know exactly what you mean, but there no sense in stressing about it, just take it one step at a time.” Hiro leaned back on his chair and took a deep breath of fresh air.

“I wonder sometimes if you even care if we fail or not?” Shuichi turned to him with serious expression on his face, Hiro looked at him for a few minutes then turned back to look at the view ahead.

“Why? Because I don't carry on like I'm about to lose my right arm? Listen Shuichi, when we decided to form the band we always strived for the top; we knew that we'd make it no matter what. At least that's the mentality I always had. Yes, it happened sooner than I thought, and not really in the circumstances I pictured, but it's here and I'm ready for it. If we make it, great, if not, we'll just dust ourselves off and try again. We proved that we could do it.”

“But don't you wonder sometimes, were we scouted because of our talent, or because Seguchi had the hots for you?”

“It doesn't really matter anymore, does it? We are here now, and we are about to debut, that's all it matters. It might have been true that Tohma had ulterior motives, but ultimately the outcome will depend on our talent alone.”

“You make it sound so easy…” Shu sighed.

“And you make it harder than it has to be. Just relax and enjoy the ride.”

“Ride? More like a roller coaster if you ask me.”

“Well, then look at it this way. You've already rode the way up; all you need to do now is brace yourself for the way down.”

“Which is the scariest!”

“But you know it will be over soon.” Hiro's phone rang; he quickly answered it and listened for a few moments. “Tomorrow? What about you guys, are you planning to play with Grasper at all?” Shuichi tried to make out the conversation. Hiro listened a little while longer, and then started laughing like a kid. Shuichi could kick him on the balls. Here he was stressing, and Hiro had the gall to talk to Seguchi about God knows what and not even tell him not to worry. Hiro hanged up and turned to him.

“We have a gig tomorrow… on TBS,” Hiro announced.

“Tokyo Broadcasting Station!?” Shu yelled. “What show?” Shuichi jumped off his chair, apparently forgetting his angst for the moment.

“Tohma didn't say, he just told me to be at the station by four in the afternoon.”

“On the day of release… not too shabby eh?” Shu smirked. “So, how about them, are they promoting?”

“He doesn't want to, but knows it's unavoidable, so he'll stall for as long as he can.”

“Damn! Must be nice being a music god. Although, knowing Ryu, I doubt he'll hold out without performing for too long.”

“I know.” Hiro got up and stretched, “Well, I'm taking off now, I'll see you later.”

“Where are you going? It's already late.” For some reason, Shuichi did not feel like being alone.

“I'm going to have dinner with Tohma, you wanna come with?” Hiro asked sarcastically.

“Jerk!” Shu took a cushion and threw it at him.

“No, really, do you want to come? Then after dinner, you can stand outside our room and listen to us do it.” Hiro threw the cushion back to Shu.

“Like I don't hear you guys regardless.”

“Nah, man! Don't even try, I don't care what you say, I'm not letting you watch.” Hiro pretended not to hear.

“Eww! Get out before I kick your ass!” Shuichi threw the cushion again. Hiro caught it and bowed.

“Thank you Shindou-sama.” And his friend was gone, leaving him alone once again.

XXX

“Alright, it's my turn!” Ryuichi threw the dice and jumped in joy when he got a high number. Tatsuha sat quietly on the floor staring at his god, still aching from the overwhelming love he felt towards the older man - and still hurt from what happened at the Hot Springs.

After he came back alone, Tatsuha swore to himself never to see Ryuichi again. He thought they had made great progress, seeing how Ryu told him a part of his life he must have not talked about it years, but no, of course the music icon was still after Shuichi like a moth to the flame, and he made that very clear in Hokkaido. Tatsuha knew what he had gotten into, and swore that he would not let it discourage him, but in the end, all plans sounded better on paper.

Then, the very next day Ryuichi had called him and asked him to meet, as if nothing had happened, and he, the stupid little monk, just obeyed like the little puppy dog he was… it all confused the hell out of him.

Ryu moved his piece on the game board and did a little pre-victory dance when he got two spaces away from the finish. Tatsuha took the dice and blew them in his hand for good luck without taking his cold eyes from the man.

“You look scary, Tatsu-kun!” Ryuichi whined sitting still for the first time in the last hour.

“I don't know what you're celebrating for. It ain't over `till the fat lady sings.” Tatsuha ignored Ryu's ranting and threw the dice getting the right number he needed, then got up and did a victory dance of his own.

“No fair, you're cheating! You got to be, how come you're winning in all the games we play?” Ryu snapped angrily. Tatsuha had never heard such a tone from him, well kind of; he had sounded pretty upset back in Hokkaido. But instead of upsetting him, it actually made the monk feel good that he could elicit anger from the man who apparently didn't know the meaning of the word.

“That's what all losers say,” Tatsuha provoked, exaggerating his dance all the more. Ryuichi turned the board forcefully, scattering all the pieces across the floor. “You know the losing party has to put away the board,” Tatsuha continued in his little tone, enjoying the face of pure rage from the older man.

“This is my house and I do what I want!” Ryu snapped getting to his feet and throwing himself on the couch. “You're no fun anymore, Uesugi Tatsuha.” The teen stopped dancing and stood facing his-- Tatsuha still had no definition to what they were. He realized that the man had never called him by his full name before, and that he must be really upset. Although the way he was feeling now, he didn't really mind, in fact he was enjoying it. He had to put some distance between them, before he angered Ryuichi beyond salvage, and before he himself got frustrated to the point of wanting to do just that.

Tatsuha walked to the chair he had thrown his school jacket and slowly put it on. Remembering with a small smile, how Ryuichi had gone wild when seeing him in his school uniform for the first time. The monk made his way to the door slowly and stood by it waiting for Ryuichi to say something. He didn't, and Tatsuha realized with a little stab of pain, that his `lover' just didn't care.

Ryu's cell phone rang, Tatsuha stayed put by the open door to see who it was. Another tug invaded him when Ryuichi stood and turned to face him with his whole face lit like a Christmas tree.

“Shuuuu-kun!” The singer yelped excitedly. “I was just thinking about you, I want to see you so badly…” Tatsuha didn't need to hear the rest; he made his way out of the apartment closing the door softly as to not disturb the one inside.

Ryuichi stared at the closed door for a full minute; Shuichi's words were but an unintelligible sound at that moment. He wanted to hear them, to see the young singer he'd been obsessing about for months, but in the back of his mind was Tatsuha and the angry expression he had as he left… just like that time in Hokkaido. He grabbed Kumagoro from where he sat on the couch and threw it forcefully to the door ahead.

“Tatsuha no baka!” he yelled, wishing he had not gotten angry at the precocious teen. He didn't care about the stupid game; he had been upset at himself because little by little he was beginning to fall for the young monk. He had promised himself never to fall in love again, just to have fun, but oh was he falling for the black haired beauty with the deep penetrating onyx eyes.

In Hokkaido, he had decided never to see the teen again, but when he left him all alone, Ryuichi felt as he did when Yoshi left him all over again. So, he came back and begged Tatsuha to come see him, but things from there had just gone down the tubes.

“What did that jerk do?” he heard Shuichi ask in the distance. Ryuichi pushed Tatsuha's thoughts aside and put on a big fake smile that no one could see.

“Oh, nothing to worry about. I can't believe you're calling me, I've been thinking about you all day. Are you ready for the big day tomorrow?” Ryuichi asked in his fake happy-go-lucky monotone, in fact, and this baffled him--because he had wanted Shuichi to call him for the longest time—he was in no mood to talk to him. He wanted to call Tatsuha and make sure the monk was not too mad.

“Yeah, kind of… I mean… not really, that's why I called; you must think I'm a jerk. I only call you when I need something,” Shuichi let out on the other end.

“Hey, what are friends for? I'm glad you called. I know exactly how you feel. I can still remember when our first album came out. I was scared shitless, even though I swore I didn't care how we did.” Ryu walked over to the door and picked up his best friend from where it'd fallen. He took it and went to sit on the same sofa he and Tatsuha had sex on a regular basis… Tatsuha.

“Do you want to meet somewhere?” Shuichi asked sounding desperate almost.

This is it! thought Ryuichi, his golden opportunity, what better time than now to prey on the slender beautiful boy with the voice of angels.

“Sure,” he found himself replying. Tatsuha's expression was still vivid in his mind, but he was not going to let the kid carve himself any deeper than he already had. He decided at that moment not to see the monk… again… for both their sakes. “Where should we meet? I know this great Karaoke bar Tatsu and I went to the other day.”

“Singing Machine?” Shu asked not surprised to hear that Uesugi Tatsuha, Sir-assholness, took Ryuichi there.

“How do you know?!”

“I had a hunch,” Shu laughed.

“Cool, so I'll meet you there in an hour.” Ryu hung the phone and made his way to his room, already knowing what he was going to wear. He wanted to look extra special for his new `special' someone to be. “Na no da…” he sang all the way to the shower, determined not to let Tatsuha's `ugly' face ruin his night with Shu.

XXX

Shuichi was already sitting with a drink when Ryuichi arrived. The younger singer waved, immediately recognizing him in his `guise'. “Hey, over here!” Shuichi shouted and Ryu smiled, waving back and making his way to the table.

“Hey… you!” He came down to whisper in Shu's ear. “What's your name?”

“My name?” Shu asked, and then laughed aloud, “Oh… my name! Yuki.” The name came out on its own, he swore not to think about the bastard, but he would simply not leave him alone.

“Cool name. I'm Tatsu-kun.” Ryuichi smiled.

“Why am I not surprised, in fact I'm shocked he's not here tailing you.” The younger singer smirked; he had actually expected the teen to come as well.

“We broke it off,” Ryuichi stated coldly, signaling the waiter. Shuichi didn't expect to hear that anytime soon, if ever. They had seemed to have the perfect understanding; he wondered what happened between the two.

“What happened?” Shuichi wouldn't help but to ask.

“I don't want to talk about it,” the older man warned seriously, and then he broke into a wide grin as he came closer to the younger man. “Let's sing. It's just you and me tonight… and I will not take no for an answer.” Shuichi had some of his drink, and raised his glass in a toss to give up being a victim and begin to live his life to its fullest.

“And that's an answer I do not intend to give,” he declared raising his cup.

XXX

Tatsuha came into the dark apartment. He wasn't sure whether Mika was there or if she was hiding from reality; he didn't care either way, although he could use someone to antagonize. The way he was feeling right now, he either had to fuck someone or just make someone really mad. He wandered through the place looking for his sister, but she was nowhere to be found.

“Hmph…That was a long grief,” the teen sighed, assuming she was with some random man. The monk went to his room and sat at his desk, taking his homework from his bag. He intended to have a Ryuichi-thoughts-free evening. But so far he was not being very successful.

He sighed, letting the bag fall to the floor and leaning back on his chair to stare at the ceiling fan. The worst part of it all was that he had known all along the type of relationship he and Ryuichi shared. Now the god was upset with him and possibly would not see him ever again, and that was something he didn't even want to think about. If Ryuichi decided not to see him anymore he would positively die. Tatsuha leaned back on his chair further and closed his eyes. He would call tomorrow and beg if need be. He would kneel and say he was sorry, whatever it took to get in Ryuichi's graces again.

After for what it seemed like forever, Tatsuha got up and threw himself on his bed. He didn't have to pretend anymore; there was no one watching him, no one expecting him to be strong. Images of his god flooded his mind and all his frustrations and fears came down on him. The tears began pouring and he couldn't stop them

“Please don't sleep with him Ryu-chan…” the teen whispered, closing his eyes, and falling into the dark abyss of his own loneliness.

XXX

Shuichi was not having as great a time as he thought he would. He had not felt like being alone, but right now that's exactly what he wanted to be. Ryuichi was singing a popular song that he hated and he couldn't wait for to end, even in the godly voice of Ryuichi, it just wasn't reaching out to him… then again ALL songs weren't reaching out to him tonight.

The two drank and sang for hours and not much else. It seemed as if there was nothing else for them to do. Ryu was not in his usually talkative mood, and all he wanted to do was sing to avoid talking altogether. It was just as well for Shuichi, he had lost all desire to talk to the man as well. He wasn't sure how he was going to keep good on his promise, but knew he had to. He had to move on with his life once and for all, and stop being such a martyr. He could not understand for the life of him what the hell wrong with him. Why couldn't he just forget Yuki ever happened and get on with someone else… who the hell was he saving himself for anyway? Here was Ryuichi ready to be with him, and he was hesitating because of a petty one-night stand; even though Yuki had clearly shown him in Hokkaido exactly how much he cared for him.

“You alright?” Ryu asked. Shuichi had not even realized the song was over.

“Yeah, I'm fine.” Shu drank some of his liquor and smiled, feigning excitement. Ryuichi gave him a long look and sat down having of his own hard drink.

“You're drunk… and so am I, let's go somewhere.” The older man stood dropping a wad of bills on their table and walking away. He was acting strange; he seemed mad even, Shuichi thought worriedly. Maybe his idol realized that he didn't want to be here and was not too sure whether starting a romantic relationship was the right thing to do. Shu hoped Ryu wasn't angry.

They wound up at a nearby hotel. The two walked into the room like robots programmed to follow certain commands. Ryuichi walked to the window and looked at the sparkly city below, he seemed as unsure as Shuichi did.

“I can't get enough of this view, look how it all sparkles.” He turned to Shuichi and fixed his eyes on him, making him gulp.

This is it… Shu thought scared, it's now or never. Ryuichi came to the bed and sat on it, patting next to him for Shu to sit-- much like he had in Hokkaido. The singer did so and the two stared at each other not knowing what to do next… deja vu.

Ryuichi's face came close to his and grazed his lips lightly with his own. Shuichi didn't move an inch; he was finding it harder to breathe by the second. He knew this would happen, he'd willed it... wanted it—or so he had thought earlier-- but now that he was facing the one he thought could make him forget Yuki, he realized that it was a big lie. Ryuichi didn't deserve this, he'd been so nice to him, so supportive, and gave him the one thing many people would kill for… allowing him to sing with him.

He sighed and closed his eyes preparing himself mentally for the next few seconds… this is it… he could either push his friend away, or let him believe that they might have a shot. Both choices would have their consequences, and Shuichi was not sure whether he was ready to face them. He needed to be a man about it once and for all.

“Aren't we gonna kiss?” Ryuichi whispered not very convinced himself. In fact, Shuichi had noticed, the absent minded singer seemed distant, and kept on looking toward the entrance at the club at the bar every so often.

“Yeah… I guess.” Shuichi smiled uneasily, and before he could get ready mentally for it. Ryuichi's lips descended on his own. He replied in full, and then the older man put his arms around him and held him tight. He did the same, and they kissed. But even though it was a passionate attempt, it felt wrong. As if he were kissing … a brother.

“I can't.” Ryuichi pushed him somewhat roughly and got to his feet. “I'm sorry Shu, I want to, I really do, but…”

“But you are really hung up on Tatsuha,” Shuichi completed the sentence, actually glad that his idol felt the same way as he.

“I like you, I really do, but I… I don't even know when I fell for the kid.” He ran a hand through his messy hair. Shuichi marveled the fact that for the very first time Sakuma Ryuichi sounded like an adult. He liked this side of him, although he liked the Kumagoro wielding kid at heart a lot more. Shuichi was also glad to see that Ryu had feelings for the teen that cared about him so much—even though he was a jerk who didn't really deserved it.

“Do you want to talk about it?” Shu smiled warmly.

“You're not mad at me are you Shuichi?” Ryuichi sat down and took his shoulders.

“Why would I? Now that we got this out of the way, we can truly be friends.” Ryuichi smiled so broadly and beautifully that Shu almost felt sorry to have let the chance go by… almost.

“That baka didn't come after me!” Ryu whined sounding like his usual self. “I swore he'd come for me!”

“Would you have left me hanging like that?” Shuichi hit the singer on the arm.

“Of course! It's not like you wanted to be there either, I can tell you were miles away when we kissed… Shu-kun, are you still in love with Yuki-sama?” Shu was shocked to hear that from him.

“How do you…”

“Hey, I might not look like it, but I'm actually pretty smart. I can tell you two are into each other, it was pretty obvious actually.” Ryu smirked.

“He hates me,” Shu let out, he did not want to talk about this with Ryu.

“You are dense. The man couldn't take his eyes off you at the springs, and he would not have bothered to make such a scene with Mikka had he not cared you were there. You two need to get over yourselves and get back together.” Shuichi was taken aback. To hear that from Ryuichi was the last thing he'd ever expected to happen.

“What about you?” Shuichi defended. “You and Tatsuha fought, and I bet it was something really stupid.”

“It was, and tomorrow I'm going to his school and beg him to take me back.”

“Well is not as simple between Yuki and I. He dumped me without a reason. I shouldn't have to apologize; I didn't do anything to begin with. If he wants me like you all say, he should be the one to come to me.”

“Think that way and you'll die alone,” Ryuichi admonished.

“I'm not liking the grown up you… here's Kumagoro.” Shuichi grabbed the bunny from where it had lay forgotten, and handed it to the singer, “Now go back to be five.” Ryuichi took the bunny and hit the younger man with it.

“Shuuuu-kun!! Get over yourself and go talk to Yuki-sama,” he whined like a little boy, earning a sarcastic glare from Shu. “Let me take you home. It's late and tomorrow is your big day; you want to be wide awake for it… trust me.” Ryuichi got to his feet and went to the door.

“Ryuichi,” the singer turned, “thank you for being my friend.” The older man smiled giving him the thumbs up.

XXX

A/N: OMG what a trip!!! (if you didn't read it I guess you won't know what I mean hehe) I tell you things go from bad to worst for Shu ne? Anywho at least Yuki is suffering too^^ I'm so glad Ryu is not on Shu's throat anymore, I think Tatsu suit him better, but wait… will he forgive him? You know how prideful that little monk can be… had to be Yuki's brother!

I have to tell you guys that I'm on my way down the hill now. I can see the light at the end of the tunnel, a few more chapters and it all be good… so have faith in me.

Next Stop: Shinning Collection. YES!!! Finally the day of the big release is here! How will destiny treat our boys? Will they bomb? Will they Break Through? You will have to stay tuned to find out (no, it will not be another three months for this one)