Gravitation Fan Fiction ❯ Demon Ring ❯ Chapter 7 ( Chapter 7 )
[ Y - Young Adult: Not suitable for readers under 16 ]
By: Ru-chan 
Anime/Manga: Gravitation Fan Fiction | Genre(s): Angst / Supernatural / Romance | Type: Alternate Universe | Uploaded On: 08.13.2005 | Pages: 3 | Words: 4.1K | Visits: 318 | Status: Completed
Anime/Manga: Gravitation Fan Fiction | Genre(s): Angst / Supernatural / Romance | Type: Alternate Universe | Uploaded On: 08.13.2005 | Pages: 3 | Words: 4.1K | Visits: 318 | Status: Completed
Ru: Argh...it's been so long...writer's block is the devil...the DEVIL!!!! T_T
Rui: I never thought so many people would still read this story. You're a very lucky bunn-uhh...person.
Ru: You were going to say bunny weren't you?
Rui: It's your fault!
Ru: ...
Rui: It is!
Ru: I'm sure. What do you have against bunnies anyways?
Rui: ...they scare me.
Ru: Bunnies scare you?
Rui: They're so cute and their noses are so twitchy...bunnies are evil...EVIL!!!
Ru: I swear...you've been watching Buffy again haven't you?
Rui: NOOOO!!! Spike's dead! NOOOOOO...
Ru: -sweatdrop-
Disclaimer: I do not own this series. Don't sue me unless you want a stack of textbooks...with no solution manuals. I love it when publishers are so logical...
Warning: Shounen ai/yaoi, extreme OOCness, mentions of non-con, shattered/confused Tatsuha and twisted/confused Ryuichi.
Rui: OOH. Eiri's in this chapter!
Ru: ...Idiot. This takes place a bit later than the last chapter...so things that happened are mentioned that I never explicitly described before.
...
Demon Ring
Chapter Seven
---
"So...if a tree falls down in a forest, but no one is around to hear it...does it make a sound?" Eiri and Tatsuha both looked up, identical expressions of incredulity on their faces. Shuichi beamed back at them, his bright smile quickly surpassing the level of the epic and travelling into the realm of the scary.
"You idiot." The frightening monstrosity that what Shuichi's smile diminished at Eiri's frigid response, but the little pink haired singer perked up as he turned to Tatsuha, who watched him warily for a while before volunteering an answer.
"I think that sound is just a vibration in the air and doesn't need anyone listening to exist." He smirked. "Besides...doesn't a forest always have something alive in it?" Shuichi stared at him in rapt fascination, his purple eyes large as he nodded.
"I'm amazed." They both turned at the sound of Eiri's voice. "You actually said something intelligent for once."
Tatsuha scowled. "I did take the mandatory science courses in high school you know."
"I knew there was a reasonable explanation for your sudden venture into the realm of the mentally gifted."
"I studied to pass my classes?" Eiri smirked.
"You plagiarised." Tatsuha glared as his brother lifted his can of beer in a mock salute and went back to reading his newspaper.
"See if I ever make the effort to be intelligent again." Tatsuha pouted.
"I'm sure you will." His brother replied. "I'm sure you'll fail too."
"You should be nicer to your little brother aniki." Tatsuha sighed. Eiri glanced up from the paper, expression vaguely amused.
"I should." He agreed. "But it's really not worth the effort." With that, he flipped the paper up, effectively concealing his slight smile from his little brother's eyes.
"YUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUKIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII!" Both brother's turned startled eyes to the source of this exclamation. "You smiled! I knew that Yuki had a soft loving place in his heart for Tatsuha. Yuki is just so soft and tender inside!" Eiri blanched at Shuichi's words, and Tatsuha smiled.
"Why aniki...it gladdens my poor heart to see that you love me! Now is the time for much brotherly bonding like...fishing or something." He stood and stretched, joints popping. "I'm going to go for a walk. Don't worry." He held up a hand as if to stop them from getting up. "I can find my own way, since I know you ladies don't want to spare the effort it would take to stand up." He grinned once, ferociously, the quick movement as sharp as a knife blade, and then he was gone, the front door slamming shut just before the couch cushion thumped harmlessly into it.
"I'm not a girl." Shuichi huffed and then smiled brilliantly, making something defrost in Eiri's chest. "It looks like Tatsuha is feeling better though...He's starting to smile and joke a lot more now. He's more like he was when I met him."
"If he's joking more...it's only because he's an idiot." Eiri replied cooly. "It's either that, or he decided the only way to survive your stupidity was to mirror it."
"Yuki!" Shuichi pouted. "You're so mean!" Eiri watched his lover for a long while, enjoying the way Shuichi squirmed under his silent scrutiny.
"Oi." He said finally and Shuichi's face took on an expectant look. "Weren't you supposed to go meet Tohma before?" He silently congratulated himself as a pink blur began to tear around the apartment, leaving him to read his newspaper in peace upto the moment when Shuichi decided to attach himself to Eiri's lips for a goodbye kiss.
The door slammed shut, Shuichi's cry of "I'll see you later!" leaving a ringing echo in the now silent apartment. After a few moments, Eiri set aside the newspaper and moved to the balcony, where he lit a cigarette and stared blankly at nothing in particular.
"It seems like Tatsuha is feeling better..." Shuichi's words resonated in Eiri's mind. The truth was...Tatsuha obviously was better now then he had been that day. Eiri knew he was starting to recover. Bit by bit. Piece by piece. Tatsuha was being put back together again in a way that Humpty Dumpty never was...although who the hell would waste their time trying to fix a fucking broken egg was beyond him. Eiri knew that Tatsuha was getting better. It was just that...he had no clue what was wrong in the first place.
His little brother had a secret. Eiri didn't like that. If anyone in their family was going to be mysterious or angsty then it would be him. Tatsuha really had no business trying to take over Eiri's position. He wasn't done with it yet.
That day...it had been about three weeks earlier when his little brother had asked to stay with him and Shuichi. Eiri's first instinct had been cold rejection, but then he'd looked at Tatsuha and somehow the words wouldn't come.
Tatsuha had looked almost dead. His eyes had been shuttered, blank, frighteningly empty. He'd looked exhausted and overburdened like he was carrying an enormous weight on his shoulders. While this was bad and made Eiri feel slightly more homicidal than usual, it wasn't what had most upset him, and wasn't what had really decided the issue of whether his brother could stay with him.
Eiri was worried. He was really worried. He was really worried about Tatsuha. It pissed him off.
Tatsuha and Eiri were not as close now as they had been. Before Eiri had gone to New York, but after that their relationship had deteriorated a bit. They didn't speak about everything anymore, hell... they didn't usually speak about anything at all. Eiri hadn't even told Tatsuha about Shuichi and the brat was one of the most important people in his life (although he'd never tell him that since the kid had a large enough ego already).
His brother had tried to hide it, of that Eiri was certain. He'd tried to hide the fact that something bad had happened to him, something bad enough that Tatsuha was unable to stay in his own apartment. Eiri felt more than a little pissed off that Tatsuha didn't seem to want to tell him what had happened. He was even more pissed off that the two of them didn't seem to be close enough for Eiri to ask him.
Eiri wanted to know what had made Tatsuha look so dead...made him look so much like...well...Eiri. He wanted to take action against whatever had done this to his family. He hated it...but the fact was that Eiri wanted to hurt whoever had hurt his little brother. No one could hurt Tatsuha but him. No one.
Eiri wanted to ask Tatsuha what was going on, to tell him that he shouldn't try to bullshit him, that Eiri had seen through all his lies and knew that something bad had happened to send Tatsuha packing from the apartment he technically owned. He was the sole person listed in the lease after all...Eiri cursed.
He couldn't ask Tatsuha what had happened, it just wasn't his place. Eiri just wanted to know what the hell was going on.
...
So if he wasn't going to go near Tatsuha again, then why was he here? Ryuichi glared at the apartment building from his perch on the roof of the building opposite. He'd made up his mind, hell...he knew he could never go back to that place, so why was he torturing himself by coming back here?
Ryuichi refused to believe that he was worried. He adamently denied the possibility that he was observing Tatsuha's apartment because the boy hadn't been back to it since he'd started watching two weeks ago.
'Two weeks watching his apartment.' Ryuichi thought incredulously. 'I am so obsessed.' His glare intensified. 'Where are you Tatsuha? Why haven't you come back?' He blinked at the sound of a car and his eyes fixed on the taxi that had just pulled up to the front of the apartment building.
"Tatsuha..." Ryuichi blinked at the sound of his own voice, the raw lust and longing infused in the softly groaned syllables so blatantly obvious it made his cheeks flush slightly with the beginnings of shame. If he'd had any doubts about what he felt for him, they were gone now. 'If just seeing you is enough to make me act like this...God Tatsuha, what have you done to me?'
As he stared, Ryuichi saw Tatsuha brush his hair out of his eyes, a wicked smile on his face as he accepted his bag from the cab driver and turned to enter the apartment building. Breathlessly, the demon watched as the building's doors closed behind him, and waited apprehensively, sighing almost with relief when he saw a light turn on in Tatsuha's apartment.
"Not a dream." Ryuichi murmured, and his tone changed subtly, his voice now almost a purr. "You're real. My Tatsuha..." His eyes, fixed intensely on the apartment window, seemed to gleam with both a possessive and adoring light. "I can't wait to see you again."
...
Tatsuha sighed, idly wandering around his apartment, checking to see whether everything was still in its proper place. It was obvious that no one had been in for a while, everything was exactly as he'd left it that day.
He was relieved to see all his paintings were where he'd left them. All the finished canvases were stacked neatly against the wall, easing his fear that Ryuichi would return to destroy them in an attempt to get his complete revenge and obliterate all traces of the person Tatsuha had been before that night.
The kitchen was the same. There were no dishes in the sink, none of the food in the fridge had been touched, and even the slightly visible tea stain on the kitchen wall was exactly as it had been, albeit a bit older looking. Tatsuha found himself transfixed by that wall for a moment, his fingers hovering just over it before he remembered himself and turned away.
He bypassed Ryuichi's old room, choosing instead to go first to the bathroom and then to his own. Once there, Tatsuha collapsed on his bed and stared at his ceiling for a while. He knew nothing had changed here, had known it as soon as he walked in. Now, there was really only one room to check. Only one, where it had happened.
A few moments later, Tatsuha found himself outside the door of that room, chewing nervously on his lower lip and he prepared to open the door. This room held many memories for him, not the least of which involved fear and pain, but Tatsuha had to be honest with himself and accept that Ryuichi's room didn't only hold those negative memories for him. A part of Tatsuha, quite a large part of him in fact, had enjoyed what they had done, what Ryuichi had done to him, because on some level Tatsuha cared deeply for the demon, cared enough that part of him wanted to see him again, wanted him to be on the other side of the door, smirking at him with that damn superior look in his eyes. An equally large part, however, was terrified of seeing him again, horrified at the thought of being at the mercy of Ryuichi's burning eyes and raging hatred.
Tatsuha wanted to see him, but he wanted to run as far away from him as possible.
With all that in mind, Tatsuha opened the door. He went inside. He stayed there for a moment. He came out. He closed the door. He didn't notice how his breathing had deepened, nor did he realize that his hands were shaking slightly. Tatsuha simply leaned against the door and closed his eyes, tilting his head back and willed himself to relax until the shaking stopped.
'He didn't come back.' Tatsuha didn't know how he felt about that. His emotions concerning his former roommate were a chaotic mix of anger, sadness, and...he didn't know. What had been done to him...what Ryuichi had done to him...Tatsuha pushed that thought out of his mind. He didn't need to think about that now. Ryuichi was gone. Tatsuha doubted he would come back.
'I..' Tatsuha's thoughts were jumbled, his mind racing as he tried to make sense of himself. 'I'm thirsty.' Mechanically, almost hollowly, he pushed himself away from the door and went to the kitchen to make tea, his mind almost shut off as he went through the motions, the tea he finally drank tasting more like hot water than it should.
Tatsuha had never felt quite so alone in his life.
He'd also never felt quite so broken.
...
'This is probably the stupidest thing I've ever done.' Ryuichi decided, as he used his key to unlock the front door of the apartment building. 'I shouldn't be here. I shouldn't be talking to him. I should just get as far away from him as I can.'
He thought about the fear in Tatsuha's eyes when he'd pinned him. He thought about the rage that had burned in them when he'd told him what he was going to do. He thought about the tears that had fallen from them when he'd tortured him. He thought about how Tatsuha had struggled...
'But I can't let him go.' Ryuichi whispered to himself in his mind. 'I need him...I need to see him. I need to see that look in his eyes, at least one more time before I damn myself to an eternity without him.'
Ryuichi thought about that look, about the way rage had given way to lust, however reluctant it was. He thought about how Tatsuha's lips, so firmly pressed together in an attempt to deny Ryuichi what he wanted, had finally yielded, softening enough to let Ryuichi in. He thought about how Tatsuha's skin had felt under him hands and fingers, how it had tasted on his tongue. Ryuichi thought about what taking Tatsuha had felt like, and decided there wasn't anything in the world more precious than the human painter who had somehow made him feel alive, even if just for a short time.
So he was pressing the buzzer at the door of Tatsuha's apartment, viciously shoving back his nervousness as he heard Tatsuha's footsteps as he hurried to open the door, not knowing who was on the other side of it. And he was forcing his breathing to remain regular as the door swung open and the welcoming smile on Tatsuha's face gradually drained away, until all that was left was a frozen expression of disbelief, until all that Tatsuha did was stand transfixed in his own doorway, staring at someone he thought would never come back.
...
'Why is he here?!' Tatsuha screamed internally, panicking inside as he tried to release his tight grip on the front door enough to slam it in Ryuichi's face. 'I don't want him here! I want him to go away! Far away!' He struggled with himself for a moment. 'Damnit! Why can't I move? I didn't want to see him again. Not...so soon.'
Ryuichi looked...good. Tatsuha groaned inwardly at the traitorous thought. It had been about a month since he'd seen the demon and he really hadn't changed all that much. Although, Tatsuha frowned, he wouldn't have changed since he was extremely old and...This was not relevant to his current situation. It had been about five minutes since he'd opened the door, and neither of them had moved or even attempted to say anything. Tatsuha was beginning to get angry. He didn't know why Ryuichi was here or what the demon hoped to accomplish, but he was mistaken if he thought Tatsuha would play his stupid games.
"What are you doing here?" He asked, and was pleased to hear his voice sound cold, with a chilly calmness that he recognized as being an imitation of his brother's usual tone. 'Thank God for aniki and his ice bitchiness.'
"-neighborhood and decided to drop in." Tatsuha started a bit when he realized Ryuichi had started to answer him. He stared at him dumbly for a moment until Ryuichi's non-expression twisted into something more closely resembling his old smirk. "Are you going to let me in? Or are you too busy staring at me? I knew I was pretty but..." He trailed off and stepped closer to Tatsuha, smirking viciously as he blanched, and deliberately brushed against him as he passed into the apartment.
"You never really answered my question." Tatsuha glared at Ryuichi's back as the demon strolled into the kitchen and opened the fridge, searching for something to drink.
"I think you'll find that I did." Ryuichi smirked at him as he popped the top of a can of "Beer Tatsuha? I didn't think you were the type."
"I'm not." Tatsuha snapped. "That's one of yours." Ryuichi simply nodded, taking a sip from the can, his eyes never leaving Tatsuha's form. The tension grew, thickening oppressively until Tatsuha found it hard to breathe. He broke their eye contact, glaring darkly at the countertop and the half-full tea cup sitting unobstrusively on it.
"Hm...that must be true." Tatsuha gave him a startled glance. "Nothing really seems to have changed since I've been gone." His smile was razor sharp. "You haven't been back for a while either, have you?" The expression in his eyes was dark, amused, and challenging, and Tatsuha felt part of him rise to meet that challenge as his chest constricted with blazing hot rage. In two strides he was across the room, snatching the can from Ryuichi's hands and throwing it into the sink, his hand fastening onto Ryuichi's sleeve, dragging the strangely unresisting demon out of the kitchen and to the front hall.
"Leave now." Tatsuha hissed venomously. "Get out of my apartment. I don't want you here." His eyes met Ryuichi's, burning with anger. The demon smirked, seemingly not affected in the least by Tatsuha's show of fury. This only served to further enrage the painter, who practically threw Ryuichi against the door. "I don't know what you want from me, but I'm sick of your stupidity. Do you honestly think you'd be welcome now?! After everything? I shouldn't even have let you in! You stupid greedy bastard! Get out!" His voice rose sharply into a despairing shriek. "Get the hell out! I don't know what you want from me, but you're not getting it you asshole!" Ryuichi was watching him calmly now, all traces of the smirk gone, his expression serious.
"I think I always wanted to see you like this." Ryuichi's quiet words stunned Tatsuha into silence, his mouth open in surprise. "You know I didn't even know what I wanted in coming here...I just wanted to see this face." His hand came up to softly brush against Tatsuha's cheek, who flinched back slightly upon contact. "You haunt me you know...I felt that I needed you somehow...maybe I just needed to see you again, maybe just touch you again...my precious, unique Tatsuha...you don't know what you've done to me...or how much it hurts me to see you so unhappy." He stepped closer to him, one arm winding around Tatsuha's waist, one around his neck, gently tugging his head down.
"I just want you." Ryuichi murmured against Tatsuha's lips, and brought their mouths firmly together.
They stood there for a long time, Tatsuha, frozen in shock, not resisting the soft pressure of Ryuichi's mouth slanted possessively across his own, unmoving, even when Ryuichi's tongue pressed against his lips and slid past them into his mouth. They stood, pressed tightly against eachother, strangely still, the kiss soft and gentle despite the desperate passion and longing thrumming through them both.
Their mouths parted softly. Tatsuha's eyes, which had closed sometime during the kiss, drifted open to stare blankly at Ryuichi, a mix of wonder, confusion, and heartbreaking vulnerability in them, which Ryuichi felt, must mirror his own almost perfectly. They stared at eachother for a while, until Tatsuha seemed to realize what was happening and roughly shoved Ryuichi away, his eyes now also filled with anger. Ryuichi stumbled back against the door, wordlessly still staring at Tatsuha, who was raising a trembling hand to his lips, rage, confusion, and that same vulnerable emotion starkly easy to read on his face.
"Get out." Tatsuha whispered harshly. "I don't want this. I don't want to play these games anymore. Just leave me alone!" Ryuichi observed him for a long moment, not saying anything, even when Tatsuha glared harshly, and snarled angrily. "Leave!"
"Alright." Ryuichi carefully put on his shoes, opening the door and closing it behind him, the quiet click of it shutting strangely loud in the stillness of the apartment. Tatsuha watched the door for a long time after he'd gone, finally sinking down onto the floor, still staring blankly ahead, as if he couldn't believe what had happened.
...
He would never forget the feel of his lips, Ryuichi promised himself. He would never forget the look in his eyes. Ryuichi knew Tatsuha now, knew everything from the way Tatsuha's eyes lit up like black flame when he was angry, to the way his body trembled just a little when Ryuichi's arms slid around him. He knew everything about how their bodies fit together when they kissed, how Tatsuha had relaxed against him for those precious moments, until he'd realized what he should have been feeling, and ignored what he was.
"You do care about me." Ryuichi's fingers stroked his lower lip reflexively. "I know you do, and even if you think I'm just playing a game, I care about you too. And I'll show you." His mouth firmed into a determined frown. "I'll show you that I love you, and I'll make you love me too."
---
Tsuzuku
Rui: I never thought so many people would still read this story. You're a very lucky bunn-uhh...person.
Ru: You were going to say bunny weren't you?
Rui: It's your fault!
Ru: ...
Rui: It is!
Ru: I'm sure. What do you have against bunnies anyways?
Rui: ...they scare me.
Ru: Bunnies scare you?
Rui: They're so cute and their noses are so twitchy...bunnies are evil...EVIL!!!
Ru: I swear...you've been watching Buffy again haven't you?
Rui: NOOOO!!! Spike's dead! NOOOOOO...
Ru: -sweatdrop-
Disclaimer: I do not own this series. Don't sue me unless you want a stack of textbooks...with no solution manuals. I love it when publishers are so logical...
Warning: Shounen ai/yaoi, extreme OOCness, mentions of non-con, shattered/confused Tatsuha and twisted/confused Ryuichi.
Rui: OOH. Eiri's in this chapter!
Ru: ...Idiot. This takes place a bit later than the last chapter...so things that happened are mentioned that I never explicitly described before.
...
Demon Ring
Chapter Seven
---
"So...if a tree falls down in a forest, but no one is around to hear it...does it make a sound?" Eiri and Tatsuha both looked up, identical expressions of incredulity on their faces. Shuichi beamed back at them, his bright smile quickly surpassing the level of the epic and travelling into the realm of the scary.
"You idiot." The frightening monstrosity that what Shuichi's smile diminished at Eiri's frigid response, but the little pink haired singer perked up as he turned to Tatsuha, who watched him warily for a while before volunteering an answer.
"I think that sound is just a vibration in the air and doesn't need anyone listening to exist." He smirked. "Besides...doesn't a forest always have something alive in it?" Shuichi stared at him in rapt fascination, his purple eyes large as he nodded.
"I'm amazed." They both turned at the sound of Eiri's voice. "You actually said something intelligent for once."
Tatsuha scowled. "I did take the mandatory science courses in high school you know."
"I knew there was a reasonable explanation for your sudden venture into the realm of the mentally gifted."
"I studied to pass my classes?" Eiri smirked.
"You plagiarised." Tatsuha glared as his brother lifted his can of beer in a mock salute and went back to reading his newspaper.
"See if I ever make the effort to be intelligent again." Tatsuha pouted.
"I'm sure you will." His brother replied. "I'm sure you'll fail too."
"You should be nicer to your little brother aniki." Tatsuha sighed. Eiri glanced up from the paper, expression vaguely amused.
"I should." He agreed. "But it's really not worth the effort." With that, he flipped the paper up, effectively concealing his slight smile from his little brother's eyes.
"YUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUKIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII!" Both brother's turned startled eyes to the source of this exclamation. "You smiled! I knew that Yuki had a soft loving place in his heart for Tatsuha. Yuki is just so soft and tender inside!" Eiri blanched at Shuichi's words, and Tatsuha smiled.
"Why aniki...it gladdens my poor heart to see that you love me! Now is the time for much brotherly bonding like...fishing or something." He stood and stretched, joints popping. "I'm going to go for a walk. Don't worry." He held up a hand as if to stop them from getting up. "I can find my own way, since I know you ladies don't want to spare the effort it would take to stand up." He grinned once, ferociously, the quick movement as sharp as a knife blade, and then he was gone, the front door slamming shut just before the couch cushion thumped harmlessly into it.
"I'm not a girl." Shuichi huffed and then smiled brilliantly, making something defrost in Eiri's chest. "It looks like Tatsuha is feeling better though...He's starting to smile and joke a lot more now. He's more like he was when I met him."
"If he's joking more...it's only because he's an idiot." Eiri replied cooly. "It's either that, or he decided the only way to survive your stupidity was to mirror it."
"Yuki!" Shuichi pouted. "You're so mean!" Eiri watched his lover for a long while, enjoying the way Shuichi squirmed under his silent scrutiny.
"Oi." He said finally and Shuichi's face took on an expectant look. "Weren't you supposed to go meet Tohma before?" He silently congratulated himself as a pink blur began to tear around the apartment, leaving him to read his newspaper in peace upto the moment when Shuichi decided to attach himself to Eiri's lips for a goodbye kiss.
The door slammed shut, Shuichi's cry of "I'll see you later!" leaving a ringing echo in the now silent apartment. After a few moments, Eiri set aside the newspaper and moved to the balcony, where he lit a cigarette and stared blankly at nothing in particular.
"It seems like Tatsuha is feeling better..." Shuichi's words resonated in Eiri's mind. The truth was...Tatsuha obviously was better now then he had been that day. Eiri knew he was starting to recover. Bit by bit. Piece by piece. Tatsuha was being put back together again in a way that Humpty Dumpty never was...although who the hell would waste their time trying to fix a fucking broken egg was beyond him. Eiri knew that Tatsuha was getting better. It was just that...he had no clue what was wrong in the first place.
His little brother had a secret. Eiri didn't like that. If anyone in their family was going to be mysterious or angsty then it would be him. Tatsuha really had no business trying to take over Eiri's position. He wasn't done with it yet.
That day...it had been about three weeks earlier when his little brother had asked to stay with him and Shuichi. Eiri's first instinct had been cold rejection, but then he'd looked at Tatsuha and somehow the words wouldn't come.
Tatsuha had looked almost dead. His eyes had been shuttered, blank, frighteningly empty. He'd looked exhausted and overburdened like he was carrying an enormous weight on his shoulders. While this was bad and made Eiri feel slightly more homicidal than usual, it wasn't what had most upset him, and wasn't what had really decided the issue of whether his brother could stay with him.
Eiri was worried. He was really worried. He was really worried about Tatsuha. It pissed him off.
Tatsuha and Eiri were not as close now as they had been. Before Eiri had gone to New York, but after that their relationship had deteriorated a bit. They didn't speak about everything anymore, hell... they didn't usually speak about anything at all. Eiri hadn't even told Tatsuha about Shuichi and the brat was one of the most important people in his life (although he'd never tell him that since the kid had a large enough ego already).
His brother had tried to hide it, of that Eiri was certain. He'd tried to hide the fact that something bad had happened to him, something bad enough that Tatsuha was unable to stay in his own apartment. Eiri felt more than a little pissed off that Tatsuha didn't seem to want to tell him what had happened. He was even more pissed off that the two of them didn't seem to be close enough for Eiri to ask him.
Eiri wanted to know what had made Tatsuha look so dead...made him look so much like...well...Eiri. He wanted to take action against whatever had done this to his family. He hated it...but the fact was that Eiri wanted to hurt whoever had hurt his little brother. No one could hurt Tatsuha but him. No one.
Eiri wanted to ask Tatsuha what was going on, to tell him that he shouldn't try to bullshit him, that Eiri had seen through all his lies and knew that something bad had happened to send Tatsuha packing from the apartment he technically owned. He was the sole person listed in the lease after all...Eiri cursed.
He couldn't ask Tatsuha what had happened, it just wasn't his place. Eiri just wanted to know what the hell was going on.
...
So if he wasn't going to go near Tatsuha again, then why was he here? Ryuichi glared at the apartment building from his perch on the roof of the building opposite. He'd made up his mind, hell...he knew he could never go back to that place, so why was he torturing himself by coming back here?
Ryuichi refused to believe that he was worried. He adamently denied the possibility that he was observing Tatsuha's apartment because the boy hadn't been back to it since he'd started watching two weeks ago.
'Two weeks watching his apartment.' Ryuichi thought incredulously. 'I am so obsessed.' His glare intensified. 'Where are you Tatsuha? Why haven't you come back?' He blinked at the sound of a car and his eyes fixed on the taxi that had just pulled up to the front of the apartment building.
"Tatsuha..." Ryuichi blinked at the sound of his own voice, the raw lust and longing infused in the softly groaned syllables so blatantly obvious it made his cheeks flush slightly with the beginnings of shame. If he'd had any doubts about what he felt for him, they were gone now. 'If just seeing you is enough to make me act like this...God Tatsuha, what have you done to me?'
As he stared, Ryuichi saw Tatsuha brush his hair out of his eyes, a wicked smile on his face as he accepted his bag from the cab driver and turned to enter the apartment building. Breathlessly, the demon watched as the building's doors closed behind him, and waited apprehensively, sighing almost with relief when he saw a light turn on in Tatsuha's apartment.
"Not a dream." Ryuichi murmured, and his tone changed subtly, his voice now almost a purr. "You're real. My Tatsuha..." His eyes, fixed intensely on the apartment window, seemed to gleam with both a possessive and adoring light. "I can't wait to see you again."
...
Tatsuha sighed, idly wandering around his apartment, checking to see whether everything was still in its proper place. It was obvious that no one had been in for a while, everything was exactly as he'd left it that day.
He was relieved to see all his paintings were where he'd left them. All the finished canvases were stacked neatly against the wall, easing his fear that Ryuichi would return to destroy them in an attempt to get his complete revenge and obliterate all traces of the person Tatsuha had been before that night.
The kitchen was the same. There were no dishes in the sink, none of the food in the fridge had been touched, and even the slightly visible tea stain on the kitchen wall was exactly as it had been, albeit a bit older looking. Tatsuha found himself transfixed by that wall for a moment, his fingers hovering just over it before he remembered himself and turned away.
He bypassed Ryuichi's old room, choosing instead to go first to the bathroom and then to his own. Once there, Tatsuha collapsed on his bed and stared at his ceiling for a while. He knew nothing had changed here, had known it as soon as he walked in. Now, there was really only one room to check. Only one, where it had happened.
A few moments later, Tatsuha found himself outside the door of that room, chewing nervously on his lower lip and he prepared to open the door. This room held many memories for him, not the least of which involved fear and pain, but Tatsuha had to be honest with himself and accept that Ryuichi's room didn't only hold those negative memories for him. A part of Tatsuha, quite a large part of him in fact, had enjoyed what they had done, what Ryuichi had done to him, because on some level Tatsuha cared deeply for the demon, cared enough that part of him wanted to see him again, wanted him to be on the other side of the door, smirking at him with that damn superior look in his eyes. An equally large part, however, was terrified of seeing him again, horrified at the thought of being at the mercy of Ryuichi's burning eyes and raging hatred.
Tatsuha wanted to see him, but he wanted to run as far away from him as possible.
With all that in mind, Tatsuha opened the door. He went inside. He stayed there for a moment. He came out. He closed the door. He didn't notice how his breathing had deepened, nor did he realize that his hands were shaking slightly. Tatsuha simply leaned against the door and closed his eyes, tilting his head back and willed himself to relax until the shaking stopped.
'He didn't come back.' Tatsuha didn't know how he felt about that. His emotions concerning his former roommate were a chaotic mix of anger, sadness, and...he didn't know. What had been done to him...what Ryuichi had done to him...Tatsuha pushed that thought out of his mind. He didn't need to think about that now. Ryuichi was gone. Tatsuha doubted he would come back.
'I..' Tatsuha's thoughts were jumbled, his mind racing as he tried to make sense of himself. 'I'm thirsty.' Mechanically, almost hollowly, he pushed himself away from the door and went to the kitchen to make tea, his mind almost shut off as he went through the motions, the tea he finally drank tasting more like hot water than it should.
Tatsuha had never felt quite so alone in his life.
He'd also never felt quite so broken.
...
'This is probably the stupidest thing I've ever done.' Ryuichi decided, as he used his key to unlock the front door of the apartment building. 'I shouldn't be here. I shouldn't be talking to him. I should just get as far away from him as I can.'
He thought about the fear in Tatsuha's eyes when he'd pinned him. He thought about the rage that had burned in them when he'd told him what he was going to do. He thought about the tears that had fallen from them when he'd tortured him. He thought about how Tatsuha had struggled...
'But I can't let him go.' Ryuichi whispered to himself in his mind. 'I need him...I need to see him. I need to see that look in his eyes, at least one more time before I damn myself to an eternity without him.'
Ryuichi thought about that look, about the way rage had given way to lust, however reluctant it was. He thought about how Tatsuha's lips, so firmly pressed together in an attempt to deny Ryuichi what he wanted, had finally yielded, softening enough to let Ryuichi in. He thought about how Tatsuha's skin had felt under him hands and fingers, how it had tasted on his tongue. Ryuichi thought about what taking Tatsuha had felt like, and decided there wasn't anything in the world more precious than the human painter who had somehow made him feel alive, even if just for a short time.
So he was pressing the buzzer at the door of Tatsuha's apartment, viciously shoving back his nervousness as he heard Tatsuha's footsteps as he hurried to open the door, not knowing who was on the other side of it. And he was forcing his breathing to remain regular as the door swung open and the welcoming smile on Tatsuha's face gradually drained away, until all that was left was a frozen expression of disbelief, until all that Tatsuha did was stand transfixed in his own doorway, staring at someone he thought would never come back.
...
'Why is he here?!' Tatsuha screamed internally, panicking inside as he tried to release his tight grip on the front door enough to slam it in Ryuichi's face. 'I don't want him here! I want him to go away! Far away!' He struggled with himself for a moment. 'Damnit! Why can't I move? I didn't want to see him again. Not...so soon.'
Ryuichi looked...good. Tatsuha groaned inwardly at the traitorous thought. It had been about a month since he'd seen the demon and he really hadn't changed all that much. Although, Tatsuha frowned, he wouldn't have changed since he was extremely old and...This was not relevant to his current situation. It had been about five minutes since he'd opened the door, and neither of them had moved or even attempted to say anything. Tatsuha was beginning to get angry. He didn't know why Ryuichi was here or what the demon hoped to accomplish, but he was mistaken if he thought Tatsuha would play his stupid games.
"What are you doing here?" He asked, and was pleased to hear his voice sound cold, with a chilly calmness that he recognized as being an imitation of his brother's usual tone. 'Thank God for aniki and his ice bitchiness.'
"-neighborhood and decided to drop in." Tatsuha started a bit when he realized Ryuichi had started to answer him. He stared at him dumbly for a moment until Ryuichi's non-expression twisted into something more closely resembling his old smirk. "Are you going to let me in? Or are you too busy staring at me? I knew I was pretty but..." He trailed off and stepped closer to Tatsuha, smirking viciously as he blanched, and deliberately brushed against him as he passed into the apartment.
"You never really answered my question." Tatsuha glared at Ryuichi's back as the demon strolled into the kitchen and opened the fridge, searching for something to drink.
"I think you'll find that I did." Ryuichi smirked at him as he popped the top of a can of "Beer Tatsuha? I didn't think you were the type."
"I'm not." Tatsuha snapped. "That's one of yours." Ryuichi simply nodded, taking a sip from the can, his eyes never leaving Tatsuha's form. The tension grew, thickening oppressively until Tatsuha found it hard to breathe. He broke their eye contact, glaring darkly at the countertop and the half-full tea cup sitting unobstrusively on it.
"Hm...that must be true." Tatsuha gave him a startled glance. "Nothing really seems to have changed since I've been gone." His smile was razor sharp. "You haven't been back for a while either, have you?" The expression in his eyes was dark, amused, and challenging, and Tatsuha felt part of him rise to meet that challenge as his chest constricted with blazing hot rage. In two strides he was across the room, snatching the can from Ryuichi's hands and throwing it into the sink, his hand fastening onto Ryuichi's sleeve, dragging the strangely unresisting demon out of the kitchen and to the front hall.
"Leave now." Tatsuha hissed venomously. "Get out of my apartment. I don't want you here." His eyes met Ryuichi's, burning with anger. The demon smirked, seemingly not affected in the least by Tatsuha's show of fury. This only served to further enrage the painter, who practically threw Ryuichi against the door. "I don't know what you want from me, but I'm sick of your stupidity. Do you honestly think you'd be welcome now?! After everything? I shouldn't even have let you in! You stupid greedy bastard! Get out!" His voice rose sharply into a despairing shriek. "Get the hell out! I don't know what you want from me, but you're not getting it you asshole!" Ryuichi was watching him calmly now, all traces of the smirk gone, his expression serious.
"I think I always wanted to see you like this." Ryuichi's quiet words stunned Tatsuha into silence, his mouth open in surprise. "You know I didn't even know what I wanted in coming here...I just wanted to see this face." His hand came up to softly brush against Tatsuha's cheek, who flinched back slightly upon contact. "You haunt me you know...I felt that I needed you somehow...maybe I just needed to see you again, maybe just touch you again...my precious, unique Tatsuha...you don't know what you've done to me...or how much it hurts me to see you so unhappy." He stepped closer to him, one arm winding around Tatsuha's waist, one around his neck, gently tugging his head down.
"I just want you." Ryuichi murmured against Tatsuha's lips, and brought their mouths firmly together.
They stood there for a long time, Tatsuha, frozen in shock, not resisting the soft pressure of Ryuichi's mouth slanted possessively across his own, unmoving, even when Ryuichi's tongue pressed against his lips and slid past them into his mouth. They stood, pressed tightly against eachother, strangely still, the kiss soft and gentle despite the desperate passion and longing thrumming through them both.
Their mouths parted softly. Tatsuha's eyes, which had closed sometime during the kiss, drifted open to stare blankly at Ryuichi, a mix of wonder, confusion, and heartbreaking vulnerability in them, which Ryuichi felt, must mirror his own almost perfectly. They stared at eachother for a while, until Tatsuha seemed to realize what was happening and roughly shoved Ryuichi away, his eyes now also filled with anger. Ryuichi stumbled back against the door, wordlessly still staring at Tatsuha, who was raising a trembling hand to his lips, rage, confusion, and that same vulnerable emotion starkly easy to read on his face.
"Get out." Tatsuha whispered harshly. "I don't want this. I don't want to play these games anymore. Just leave me alone!" Ryuichi observed him for a long moment, not saying anything, even when Tatsuha glared harshly, and snarled angrily. "Leave!"
"Alright." Ryuichi carefully put on his shoes, opening the door and closing it behind him, the quiet click of it shutting strangely loud in the stillness of the apartment. Tatsuha watched the door for a long time after he'd gone, finally sinking down onto the floor, still staring blankly ahead, as if he couldn't believe what had happened.
...
He would never forget the feel of his lips, Ryuichi promised himself. He would never forget the look in his eyes. Ryuichi knew Tatsuha now, knew everything from the way Tatsuha's eyes lit up like black flame when he was angry, to the way his body trembled just a little when Ryuichi's arms slid around him. He knew everything about how their bodies fit together when they kissed, how Tatsuha had relaxed against him for those precious moments, until he'd realized what he should have been feeling, and ignored what he was.
"You do care about me." Ryuichi's fingers stroked his lower lip reflexively. "I know you do, and even if you think I'm just playing a game, I care about you too. And I'll show you." His mouth firmed into a determined frown. "I'll show you that I love you, and I'll make you love me too."
---
Tsuzuku