Gravitation Fan Fiction ❯ Forever Gone, Forever You (revised) ❯ Chapter Five: Whisper ( Chapter 5 )
[ Y - Young Adult: Not suitable for readers under 16 ]
By: Crimsonreverse 
Anime/Manga: Gravitation Fan Fiction | Genre(s): Drama / Romance / Angst | Type: Yaoi | Uploaded On: 07.02.2006 | Pages: 3 | Words: 5.0K | Visits: 257 | Status: Work In Progress
Anime/Manga: Gravitation Fan Fiction | Genre(s): Drama / Romance / Angst | Type: Yaoi | Uploaded On: 07.02.2006 | Pages: 3 | Words: 5.0K | Visits: 257 | Status: Work In Progress
Disclaimer: BLAH BLAH BLAH!
Author's Note: Once again, nothing to really say. Just enjoy it . . . JA!
"So long . . . the words I long to whisper to you as I watch you walk away from my life. It pains me to say it, you know it for yourself. Goodbye . . . the words I long to hear escape from my lips. It pains me to whisper it, you know that for yourself."
Shuichi Shindou, Bad Luck
Chapter Five: Whisper
How many times have you told me you love her?
As many times as I've wanted to tell you the truth.
How long have I stood here beside you?
I live through you
You look through me . . .
His voice was soft, full of pain and tears misted within his eyes as he song his newest song. Staring out into the darkness, he couldn't see anyone, he was alone within the abyss of his pain. Clenching the mic, he felt all was lost for him as he sung that song. He still didn't understand why he wrote it. Did it hurt him that much to see Yuki with someone else? Was he that jealous that he wrote this about him? A dedication to a part of his soul that died years ago. In the background, drums beat slowly as the bass strummed along with the depressing song. It was just him and his misery, his cry of help. Taking a deep breath, he continued to pour his heart out as more tears rolled down his face. Leaving behind black smug, he felt alone . . .
Ooh, solitude,
Still with me is only you
Ooh, solitude
I can't stay away from you
How many times have I done this to myself?
How long will it take before I see?
When will this hole in my heart be mended?
Who now is left alone but me?
Ooh, solitude,
Forever me and forever you
Ooh, solitude,
Only you, only true
Bright lights flashed on, surrounding the stage he stood on. Behind him, the others played as he lowered his gaze, moving along the stage. In front of him, the darkness he once saw filled out the outlines of people as they cheered for him. Faintly smiling, he felt like shit. He couldn't function as he lifts his head, opening his mouth. Going higher in his octaves, he wanted everyone to know how he feels. Singing into the mike, he finished his song that would affect everyone. Blue eyes stared at the lead singer, as he hit the snarl. He could feel it himself, the pain and rage he felt with each vocals. Changing the beat, he wanted to match it, he wanted him to know that he could feel it also.
Everyone leave me stranded
Forgotten, abandoned, let me hide
I can't stay here another night
Your secret admirer
Who could it be?
Ooh, can't you see
All along it was me
How can you be so blind?
As to see right through me
And ooh, solitude
Still with me is only you
Ooh, solitude
I can't stay away from you
Ooh solitude
Forever me and forever you
Ooh, solitude,
Only you, only true
He stopped singing, ending the song in only silence. The light started to fade as the crowd went wild. The music died as the singer stood under the approaching spotlight. Looking into the darkness once more, he felt alone within the world. This was true pain . . . the one that would never leave. Closing his eyes, he couldn't say goodbye . . . it wouldn't even mean anything. Placing the mic down on the stage floor, he turned away and walked off as everyone shouted for another song. Raiden watched him leave, wondering if he's all right. Hiro and Fujisaki always watched, knowing that he was crying, but didn't want to say anything. This was good for him, to shed tears he held in for so long. Little by little he starts acting normal, but still remain guarded. Placing his drum sticks down, he got up from his position and followed his lead singer behind the stage. He wanted to make sure everything was all right, if he needed someone to talk too.
Shuichi came to the back as he headed toward the dressing room. Opening the door, he felt like being alone, he couldn't face his friends. Slowly closing the door, he locked it so no one would come in. This is hell upon his tormented soul, he wonders how could someone take this. Moving over to the vanity, he saw seven orange pill bottles staring at him, drawing him. He needed to take his medication, he felt depressed and weak. Reaching for one, he read the label to himself, seeing the large bold letters bounce at him. Sighing, he knows he didn't need to take these right now, but he felt like it. Opening the bottle, he poured four white pills into his hand. Doing the same thing with the others and the same amount, he threw them all in his mouth. Taking the glass of water, he chugged it quickly, swallowing all those pills at once. Closing his eyes, he went over to the couch, flopping down. Throwing his head back, he felt the drugs taking their effect quickly, becomes drowsy by the moment. Suddenly a gentle knock interrupts him, wondering who it was. Probably some fan wanting his autograph. Mumbles ‘go away’, he heard the jiggling of the door knob, making him groan.
"What the hell do you want, Toshiba?" he asked loud enough for him to hear it on the other side, as the jiggling stopped. Chuckling, he must have surprised him or something.
Raiden grinned, seeing that he knew it was him as he leaned against the door. "Can I come in? I just want to make sure you are all right?" he acknowledges his concern as Shuichi reopened his eyes and looked at the door.
He wanted to make sure he was all right, what was he . . . his mother? Sitting up, he felt woozy as he blinked a couple of times to gain back his vision. Standing up, might as well let him in, the others would be having a drink before they return back here. Walking, he staggered a little, knowing that at least three other pills are in full affect. Reaching for the knob, he unlocked the door and moved away. Raiden heard the click, following by descending footsteps as he opened the door and poked his head in. Seeing Shuichi back, he noticed how he was walking, wondering what was wrong. That's when his eyes landed on the vanity, seeing nothing but medicine bottles lined up. Did he really take all those pills for his probably, he wondered as he opened the door wider and walked in. Shuichi flopped back down on the couch, this time laying down with his face into the pillow. All strung out, Raiden walked toward him, taking the chair next to the couch. Sitting down, he looked at the miserable man, feeling slightly sorry. Since their last conversation, he felt a stronger connection with Shuichi. It's like the singer slowly started accepting him for whom he is, and a small friendship formed.
Sighing sadly, he really hated seeing him like this. Reaching out, he placed his hand on top of Shuichi's head, running his slender fingers through black hair that was pink at the roots. Noticing his dye running out, he didn't want to say anything right now. Shuichi didn't do anything as he groaned. He felt at ease, feeling Raiden's fingers running through his hair, massage his scalp. He does the same thing Yuki use to do to him when he was depressed or stressed from work. Pausing at that thought, he felt his heart sink deeper into the pit of distress. Feeling how heavy he felt, Raiden decided to say something to lighting the tension within the room.
"You've done a great performance. Everyone wanted an encore, they said it was great. Sakuma-san said you should come and join them for celebration drinks. Of course, you shouldn't drink when on medication." He pointed out, as he heard Shuichi grunt at that reply. Smiling, at least he got him to say something.
Reaching for Raiden's wrist, he stopped him. Moving his hand away from his head, he turned staring up at the drummer. Seeing blue eyes meet his gaze, what about him makes him want to forget everything. Raiden eyes slightly widen, noticing the black streaks from his mascara down his face as he sighed. Removing his wrist from Shuichi hand, he reached on the table that had a box of tissue and took one out. Wetting it a little with spit, he brought it to Shuichi's face as he starts cleaning the mark off. Groaning, what was with him and this motherly thing. "Toshiba-san, what the hell are you doing?" he grumbled disgustedly as he saw him smile, continuing wiping away.
Watching the black smug appears on the tissue, he couldn't help it. In a way, he felt that Shuichi was helpless, while on drugs. "I'm cleaning away the black mark that's going down your cheeks from crying. I know you don't want to walk around really looking like an Emo, now do you?" he asked him, laughing behind that statement. Getting it all off, his smile widens as he nodded. "There, all gone! You should thank me, my sister always told me I have this thing down when it comes to cleaning faces."
Rolling his eyes, he still couldn't understand his happiness. He acts all naive and childish, but he was really smart. He reminds him so much of Ryuichi now, he starts questioning his old self. He wasn't that childish back then and he only did it for attention. "You know what, you're annoying brat." He told him as Raiden brow furrowed by that remark. Feeling an instant flashback, was that how he truly felt when Yuki used to call him names?
Crossing his arms, Raiden grunted as he shook his head. "Technically, I'm not a brat and besides, I'm two years older than you. Where the hell do you come calling me a brat, you punk."
Chuckling, at least he could make him laugh with his antics. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean any harm by it, seriously. It's the medication, you know how they make you say things."
"Whatever. I'm just playing with you. You know, doing this childish thing is really annoying the hell out of me. I don't know how I can do it all the time, it's still a mystery."
"Yeah . . . I guess. Anyway, why did you come, there's something you need?"
"Not really, I just came to make sure you were all right. That song you sung was quite emotional and I wanted to make sure you didn't kill yourself or anything. Was that song made for Yuki?"
"Is it that obvious?"
"Yeah it's that obvious. It was good, I felt every emotion you poured into those lyrics. I mean, I had to change my chords just to match your vocals. It was really passionate."
"You really think so? It was a last minute thing, I'm shock that Hiro and Fujisaki were able to keep up. How did you know that I was going to sing it?"
Shrugging his shoulders, he just figured it out how the songs were going. "I just followed the patterns of the songs. You are too easy to read. But that doesn't explain why you were crying. Did you think of the past when you were singing?"
Sighing, nothing could ever get passed Raiden, he started to believe he was psychic. How could one person be able to know exactly what he's doing without being psychic? "You must be psychic or something. How the hell do you know what I'm thinking or feeling all the damn time?"
"I told you, you are too damn easy to read. You need to learn how to conceal your emotions much better than you do. Hiro and the others aren't quick, but they can tell certain things. So, what were you thinking about?"
Removing his eyes off Raiden, he stared at the wooden door, feeling the tension move off of him. He was able to talk a little with Raiden, about some of his past, but not all of it. He didn't have that full trust, but he knew Raiden wouldn't tell unless he wanted him to. "I was thinking about the time Yuki went to Osaka. He left me alone for an entire week and I missed him so much. He had to go to some book signing and then some movie premiere and I know he wouldn't want me tagging along, enough publicity on us already. Hiro thought it was a great idea just to go to Osaka and check up on him and have a little vacation. I thought it was a wonderful idea, to surprise Yuki. I guess that wasn't the most brilliant idea because it only ended up in heartache and tears."
Lowering his gaze, he knew what happened and he felt sort of sorry for asking him to tell. It was hard for him to speak about Yuki as it was, just to start remembering all the bad things only made it worse. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to ask you. I know it's hard on you and I shouldn't pry."
"It's all right," Shuichi said half-heartedly, continuing where he stopped. "When we arrived at the hotel, Yuki was staying in, I caught him with some girl. At first, I was hoping she was part of the book signing or an actress who decided to join him. But I was wrong, he was whispering that he loved her and everything, of course she fell for it. I didn't know what to do, I felt my body break apart. So I approached them and out of anger, I threw water at him and walked away before we can even have a conversation. I told Hiro I wanted to go home without any explanation. So in the end that was one of many horrible memories I have. And it made me cry, which I hate the most."
"Why do you hate crying? I think it’s the best medicine, tears. Crying only would make everything better, make you feel better."
"Well, I'm sick of crying all the time. That's all I did back then was cry. Now, when the tears return, I hate myself so much for shedding them."
"Then that makes you inhuman. Why fell your mind with nothing but pain, it only would bring nothing but hell. Trust me, you will snap and that's when the tears will flow. I know . . . I've been through the ‘I can’t cry’ issue before. Often, when I visit Kei's grave, I shed the tears I've held for so long. Then I feel much better. Trust me, once you cry, all seems fine for that day."
"I just don't understand you sometimes Toshiba . . ."
"Please stop calling me Toshiba. My father's business associates call him Toshiba. Call me Raiden just like everyone else."
"Why should I, I don't know you well enough to address you by your first name."
"If you get off that high horse demeanor of yours, then maybe you can get to know me. Well, I'm not going to stay here too long and bug the hell out of you. I'm going to have some drunks with the others. Try getting some rest to let the medicine wear off all right." He replied, standing up from his chair and headed toward the door.
Shuichi watched him quietly, as he opened the door and about to walk out, but he stopped him. Slowly sitting up, he felt bad for treating him like this, he just doesn’t want to relive the past. Seeing Raiden look at him, he felt his heart quicken as he inhaled deeply. "Look, I'm sorry all right. I didn't mean to hurt your feelings. I'm still going to be like this, my trust for people is so limited, it's hard to accept others after what happened to me." He explained as Raiden just faintly smiled.
"When you let your past control your present, you only going to end up hurting yourself so much in the process. I understand, it's all right. I'm not upset, it's just how you are. One day, you'll come around and call me Raiden. Till then, Toshiba is just going to be there. Well, get some rest, I'll come and get you when we leave." He gave him another smile before walking out and closed the door.
Shuichi sighed deeply, placing his hand over his face. Why couldn't he just yell at him or something, but instead he's all understanding. "How could you be like that, always cheer and forgiving? I know deep inside you're hurting and you can't move on. You can't whisper goodbye to your lover, why are you doing this to yourself?"
When you are able to stare the person in the eyes and say . . . goodbye, my love.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
"God, remind me to never drink that much ever again. Sora, why did you challenge me to a chugging contest? Do you truly hate me that much?" Raiden groaned in pain as he held an ice pack on his head, staring at his beloved friend, who was all chipper and cheery in the morning.
Munching on butter toast, she looked at him with a wide grin. "Cause I knew you wouldn't be able too win. You could never beat me in those types of contest. I guess you aren't the alcoholic you use to be back in high school." She pointed out, taking another bite, making him roll his eyes.
Removing the ice pack, he had this killer headache, so hung over it wasn't even funny. He doesn’t understand how Hiro and Ryuichi could just drink and remain sober. They had so many shots of vodka, he wondered if they had alcohol poison by now. "I was wild in high school. Besides, I was hanging out with you and everyone knows how a bad influence you are on me."
Mumbling whatever, the front door opened as off key singing echoed. Raiden felt his head throbbed more as a young woman walked into the living room with nothing but shopping bags in her arm. Behind her stood Yuki as he grumbled something incoherent under his breath, placing down bags as he inhaled deeply of his cigarette. Sora just looked at them, without saying anything as she grinned. Falling back on the couch, Raiden placed the ice pack on his head as he listened to a high squeal coming from his sister. Sometimes he wonders how could they be related. She was all full of energy and he was just . . . him. Ayame face brightens as she began speaking to Sora, with nothing but sugar coated energy.
"Oh my god, you won't believe what happened to us today!" she squealed as she rushed to the vacant seat in the couch that was next to Sora. Seating down, she grabbed her hands, holding them tightly.
Sora chuckled nervously, wondering why the hell did she come over here in the first place. Now she remembered, to drop off Raiden who was so drunk he end up sleeping at her place. Playing along, she couldn't be that mean, after all they were friends also and the same age. "What happened to you guys Aya?"
Her smiled grew bigger than her head as she looked from her to Yuki to Raiden and then back to her. "All right, we'll Yuki-kun and I was walking through the shopping district when I saw . . . Shuichi Shindou! He was with the other two guys from Bad Luck and they were shopping. So I was like, 'oh my freaking god, I have to get his autograph'. Well, Yuki-kun was like 'leave them alone, they don't want to be seen in public'. And I was like, 'no, I'm their biggest fan'. So I rushed over there and asked Shindou-san for an autograph. You should have been there, he was shock. Oh did you know, Yuki and Shindou-san are really good friends?" she finally paused, as Sora sighed with relief. She can talk a mile a minute if you let her.
Raiden's ears perked when he heard Shuichi's name as he pushed himself up on his elbows and looked at Ayame. Apparently, he didn't tell her that he was Bad Luck's new drummer, she hasn't been home lately since her engagement to Yuki. "Aya, you know you don't bother famous people. I don't see anyone coming up to you or Yuki-san bothering you for an autograph."
Pouting, she looked at her brother as she spoke once again. "Well, I may be famous here in Japan, but all my true fans are in Europe. But now that Yuki-kun and I are engaged, everyone comes up to me for an autograph or picture. Tell him Yuki, we got stopped today at the jewelry shop when I was picking up my diamond necklace."
Yuki just stood there, taking a puff. Holding the cigarette to the side, he really didn't feel like talking, but couldn't remain silent. "Yeah . . . we just signed their stuff and went on our way."
Pouting at him now, she looked at Raiden as she explained what happened. "It wasn't like that. A group of lovely girls came up to us and was like 'wow, are you Ayame Toshiba and Eiri Yuki?' When I nodded, they screamed with joy and started pulling out books and posters and magazines with our picture on there. 'Can we have your autograph? We think you two are such a great couple.' So we signed all their stuff and they wanted to take pictures. Of course, I love the camera and give them shots that's worth money. So they blabbered about how much, they loved us and went away. God, it feels good to be famous . . . oh, I forgot, did you get that record deal?"
Sora and Raiden looked at each other, sighing in defeat. "Yes he got the record deal, he's a famous drummer now." Sora answered for him as Ayame squealed and hugged her brother.
Groaning in pain, god she was too loud for him and he didn't feel like celebrating. "Oh my god, Rai, congrates! We have to call papa! He's in Paris filming a movie, but he'll be proud to hear his son is finally famous. I told him about your gigs at local clubs and he couldn't except that. Oh, we also have to call mama, she would love to hear about it also. So tell me, what famous band and record company you play for?"
Sora sighed deeply, knowing this was going to be an all day process. Crossing her legs, she reached on the coffee table and grabbed her wine glass full of Merlot wine. Normal, she drinks at noon, but eleven in the morning was close enough. Taking a sip, she said it bluntly as if it wasn't anything important. "He's the bitch of N-G Records. Playing as the whore for Bad Luck. Your brother can beat that drum like he beat . . ."
"What the hell did I tell you about saying that, Sora!" he snapped hearing Ayame gasped in shock.
"What! You're Bad Luck's drummer, no fucking way! When did they need a drummer, oh my god! Yuki, my brother's Bad Luck's drummer, this is so cool! You got to invite us to your concerts, onii-chan!"
Raiden pushed her off him, feeling too much love. Sitting straight up, he glared at Sora as she looked at him all innocent, sipping her wine. "Yeah, I'm the drummer for Bad Luck and you just missed the Concert."
"What! You didn't even call me and tell me that you were performing in your first concert! What type of brother are you, you ass! When was the concert?"
"Last night at the new club 'Astro'. It was great playing on stage. Nittle Grasper was our opening act. Sorry I didn't tell you, but you were busy with the planning and stuff."
Growling, Ayame took the pillow and hit him as she got up. Glaring at him, she turned away with an attitude as she picked up her backs. "Jerk, I would never forgive up. Don't ask me for a ticket to my next movie premiere! C'mon love, let's bring these bags into my room and then go out to eat, my treat. Sora, would you like to come?"
Shaking her head, she glanced at Raiden as he held the pillow in his arms, looking dumbfounded. "I have to take a rain check, love. Your brother needs me right now. Go ahead and have fun, I'll stay here."
Ayame nodded, smiling sweetly at Sora then glared once more at Raiden. Turning away, she headed toward the back as Yuki followed her quietly. As they disappeared and the loud slamming of the door echoed, Sora bust out laughing. Cracking up, she saw the expression on Raiden's face as she shook her head. "Oh my god, she's pissed at you. Don't worry, your sister's retard and would forgive you."
Sighing, he needed to take something for his head. "Yeah, I know. Hey, I'll be right back, I need something for my head and I haven't taken my medication this morning. Just stay put and don't start touching anything." He told her, standing up and stretching.
Sitting her glass down, she raised her hand in defense. "I promise not to touch anything. Are you still referring to the time I accidently broke that vase?"
"Yes I am, it was my mother's."
"I said I was sorry and was willing to pay you back. God, you are such an ass."
"So are you."
Walking away, he headed toward the back as he came to the hall of doors. Entering the first one on the left, he was greeted by bright light, wondering when did he open his curtains. Ignoring it, he stepped inside, closing the door behind him. Looking around his lonely room, he saw what he was looking for on his nightstand. Going toward it, he took a seat on the bed. Just staring at the three pill bottles, he still wonders why he's taking them. He wasn't suffering that badly like he did in the past. But he still had those symptoms with the illness. Being bipolar, he couldn't take any chances of snapping at people. Reaching for the bottle, he popped it opening, pouring out the tiny white pill that supposes to calm him down. The next for his anxieties, and the last one to tranquilize everything he felt or thought of. Without water, he threw them in his mouth and swallowed as the phone ring. Wondering who it was, he knew his sister wouldn't answer it and he told Sora not to touch anything. Grumbling, he picked up the receiver and spoke to the person.
"Raiden speaking, hope it's good news." He said, saying his usual greeting.
Hearing a soft chuckle, he recognizes it from anywhere. Grinning, he wouldn't think in a million years he would call him. "Hi Toshiba-san. It's me Shuichi, I'm just calling to ask what are you doing later?" he heard Shuichi ask as he thought about it.
He really didn't have anything planned, all he was going to do was watch anime with Sora. "Nothing important, why is something wrong at work?"
There was a slight pause on the other end as Shuichi spoke again. "No, I was wondering if you would like to go out to eat? I know this nice restaurant in downtown Tokyo that serves the best American food. So . . . do you want to go?"
Smiling, he probably felt guilty about last night. "I guess, Sora would understand that eating American food is much more important than anime. So what time do you want to meet for?"
"Um . . . around eight. Do you want me to pick you up?"
"Naw . . . I'll get a taxi or something. Well, see you then, Shindou-san."
"Shuichi . . ."
"Excuse me?"
"My name is Shuichi . . . not Shindou-san. My father is called that, not me."
Smiling, he notices he's playing the same game. "All right . . . Ja ne Shuichi."
"Ja ne . . . Raiden."
TBC
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
A uthor's Note: Cool chapter! Man, I think this is the longest chapter I ever wrote. It's really good, I like it. So what do you think? The ending was the best . . . they call each other by their first names . . . aww! So reviews and let me know what you think!
Next Chapter: Listen to the Rain
Drops of memory fall from the sky . . .
Dripping onto the earth in absolute sadness . . .
They whispers forget everything, it's time to move on . . .
Author's Note: Once again, nothing to really say. Just enjoy it . . . JA!
"So long . . . the words I long to whisper to you as I watch you walk away from my life. It pains me to say it, you know it for yourself. Goodbye . . . the words I long to hear escape from my lips. It pains me to whisper it, you know that for yourself."
Shuichi Shindou, Bad Luck
Chapter Five: Whisper
How many times have you told me you love her?
As many times as I've wanted to tell you the truth.
How long have I stood here beside you?
I live through you
You look through me . . .
His voice was soft, full of pain and tears misted within his eyes as he song his newest song. Staring out into the darkness, he couldn't see anyone, he was alone within the abyss of his pain. Clenching the mic, he felt all was lost for him as he sung that song. He still didn't understand why he wrote it. Did it hurt him that much to see Yuki with someone else? Was he that jealous that he wrote this about him? A dedication to a part of his soul that died years ago. In the background, drums beat slowly as the bass strummed along with the depressing song. It was just him and his misery, his cry of help. Taking a deep breath, he continued to pour his heart out as more tears rolled down his face. Leaving behind black smug, he felt alone . . .
Ooh, solitude,
Still with me is only you
Ooh, solitude
I can't stay away from you
How many times have I done this to myself?
How long will it take before I see?
When will this hole in my heart be mended?
Who now is left alone but me?
Ooh, solitude,
Forever me and forever you
Ooh, solitude,
Only you, only true
Bright lights flashed on, surrounding the stage he stood on. Behind him, the others played as he lowered his gaze, moving along the stage. In front of him, the darkness he once saw filled out the outlines of people as they cheered for him. Faintly smiling, he felt like shit. He couldn't function as he lifts his head, opening his mouth. Going higher in his octaves, he wanted everyone to know how he feels. Singing into the mike, he finished his song that would affect everyone. Blue eyes stared at the lead singer, as he hit the snarl. He could feel it himself, the pain and rage he felt with each vocals. Changing the beat, he wanted to match it, he wanted him to know that he could feel it also.
Everyone leave me stranded
Forgotten, abandoned, let me hide
I can't stay here another night
Your secret admirer
Who could it be?
Ooh, can't you see
All along it was me
How can you be so blind?
As to see right through me
And ooh, solitude
Still with me is only you
Ooh, solitude
I can't stay away from you
Ooh solitude
Forever me and forever you
Ooh, solitude,
Only you, only true
He stopped singing, ending the song in only silence. The light started to fade as the crowd went wild. The music died as the singer stood under the approaching spotlight. Looking into the darkness once more, he felt alone within the world. This was true pain . . . the one that would never leave. Closing his eyes, he couldn't say goodbye . . . it wouldn't even mean anything. Placing the mic down on the stage floor, he turned away and walked off as everyone shouted for another song. Raiden watched him leave, wondering if he's all right. Hiro and Fujisaki always watched, knowing that he was crying, but didn't want to say anything. This was good for him, to shed tears he held in for so long. Little by little he starts acting normal, but still remain guarded. Placing his drum sticks down, he got up from his position and followed his lead singer behind the stage. He wanted to make sure everything was all right, if he needed someone to talk too.
Shuichi came to the back as he headed toward the dressing room. Opening the door, he felt like being alone, he couldn't face his friends. Slowly closing the door, he locked it so no one would come in. This is hell upon his tormented soul, he wonders how could someone take this. Moving over to the vanity, he saw seven orange pill bottles staring at him, drawing him. He needed to take his medication, he felt depressed and weak. Reaching for one, he read the label to himself, seeing the large bold letters bounce at him. Sighing, he knows he didn't need to take these right now, but he felt like it. Opening the bottle, he poured four white pills into his hand. Doing the same thing with the others and the same amount, he threw them all in his mouth. Taking the glass of water, he chugged it quickly, swallowing all those pills at once. Closing his eyes, he went over to the couch, flopping down. Throwing his head back, he felt the drugs taking their effect quickly, becomes drowsy by the moment. Suddenly a gentle knock interrupts him, wondering who it was. Probably some fan wanting his autograph. Mumbles ‘go away’, he heard the jiggling of the door knob, making him groan.
"What the hell do you want, Toshiba?" he asked loud enough for him to hear it on the other side, as the jiggling stopped. Chuckling, he must have surprised him or something.
Raiden grinned, seeing that he knew it was him as he leaned against the door. "Can I come in? I just want to make sure you are all right?" he acknowledges his concern as Shuichi reopened his eyes and looked at the door.
He wanted to make sure he was all right, what was he . . . his mother? Sitting up, he felt woozy as he blinked a couple of times to gain back his vision. Standing up, might as well let him in, the others would be having a drink before they return back here. Walking, he staggered a little, knowing that at least three other pills are in full affect. Reaching for the knob, he unlocked the door and moved away. Raiden heard the click, following by descending footsteps as he opened the door and poked his head in. Seeing Shuichi back, he noticed how he was walking, wondering what was wrong. That's when his eyes landed on the vanity, seeing nothing but medicine bottles lined up. Did he really take all those pills for his probably, he wondered as he opened the door wider and walked in. Shuichi flopped back down on the couch, this time laying down with his face into the pillow. All strung out, Raiden walked toward him, taking the chair next to the couch. Sitting down, he looked at the miserable man, feeling slightly sorry. Since their last conversation, he felt a stronger connection with Shuichi. It's like the singer slowly started accepting him for whom he is, and a small friendship formed.
Sighing sadly, he really hated seeing him like this. Reaching out, he placed his hand on top of Shuichi's head, running his slender fingers through black hair that was pink at the roots. Noticing his dye running out, he didn't want to say anything right now. Shuichi didn't do anything as he groaned. He felt at ease, feeling Raiden's fingers running through his hair, massage his scalp. He does the same thing Yuki use to do to him when he was depressed or stressed from work. Pausing at that thought, he felt his heart sink deeper into the pit of distress. Feeling how heavy he felt, Raiden decided to say something to lighting the tension within the room.
"You've done a great performance. Everyone wanted an encore, they said it was great. Sakuma-san said you should come and join them for celebration drinks. Of course, you shouldn't drink when on medication." He pointed out, as he heard Shuichi grunt at that reply. Smiling, at least he got him to say something.
Reaching for Raiden's wrist, he stopped him. Moving his hand away from his head, he turned staring up at the drummer. Seeing blue eyes meet his gaze, what about him makes him want to forget everything. Raiden eyes slightly widen, noticing the black streaks from his mascara down his face as he sighed. Removing his wrist from Shuichi hand, he reached on the table that had a box of tissue and took one out. Wetting it a little with spit, he brought it to Shuichi's face as he starts cleaning the mark off. Groaning, what was with him and this motherly thing. "Toshiba-san, what the hell are you doing?" he grumbled disgustedly as he saw him smile, continuing wiping away.
Watching the black smug appears on the tissue, he couldn't help it. In a way, he felt that Shuichi was helpless, while on drugs. "I'm cleaning away the black mark that's going down your cheeks from crying. I know you don't want to walk around really looking like an Emo, now do you?" he asked him, laughing behind that statement. Getting it all off, his smile widens as he nodded. "There, all gone! You should thank me, my sister always told me I have this thing down when it comes to cleaning faces."
Rolling his eyes, he still couldn't understand his happiness. He acts all naive and childish, but he was really smart. He reminds him so much of Ryuichi now, he starts questioning his old self. He wasn't that childish back then and he only did it for attention. "You know what, you're annoying brat." He told him as Raiden brow furrowed by that remark. Feeling an instant flashback, was that how he truly felt when Yuki used to call him names?
Crossing his arms, Raiden grunted as he shook his head. "Technically, I'm not a brat and besides, I'm two years older than you. Where the hell do you come calling me a brat, you punk."
Chuckling, at least he could make him laugh with his antics. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean any harm by it, seriously. It's the medication, you know how they make you say things."
"Whatever. I'm just playing with you. You know, doing this childish thing is really annoying the hell out of me. I don't know how I can do it all the time, it's still a mystery."
"Yeah . . . I guess. Anyway, why did you come, there's something you need?"
"Not really, I just came to make sure you were all right. That song you sung was quite emotional and I wanted to make sure you didn't kill yourself or anything. Was that song made for Yuki?"
"Is it that obvious?"
"Yeah it's that obvious. It was good, I felt every emotion you poured into those lyrics. I mean, I had to change my chords just to match your vocals. It was really passionate."
"You really think so? It was a last minute thing, I'm shock that Hiro and Fujisaki were able to keep up. How did you know that I was going to sing it?"
Shrugging his shoulders, he just figured it out how the songs were going. "I just followed the patterns of the songs. You are too easy to read. But that doesn't explain why you were crying. Did you think of the past when you were singing?"
Sighing, nothing could ever get passed Raiden, he started to believe he was psychic. How could one person be able to know exactly what he's doing without being psychic? "You must be psychic or something. How the hell do you know what I'm thinking or feeling all the damn time?"
"I told you, you are too damn easy to read. You need to learn how to conceal your emotions much better than you do. Hiro and the others aren't quick, but they can tell certain things. So, what were you thinking about?"
Removing his eyes off Raiden, he stared at the wooden door, feeling the tension move off of him. He was able to talk a little with Raiden, about some of his past, but not all of it. He didn't have that full trust, but he knew Raiden wouldn't tell unless he wanted him to. "I was thinking about the time Yuki went to Osaka. He left me alone for an entire week and I missed him so much. He had to go to some book signing and then some movie premiere and I know he wouldn't want me tagging along, enough publicity on us already. Hiro thought it was a great idea just to go to Osaka and check up on him and have a little vacation. I thought it was a wonderful idea, to surprise Yuki. I guess that wasn't the most brilliant idea because it only ended up in heartache and tears."
Lowering his gaze, he knew what happened and he felt sort of sorry for asking him to tell. It was hard for him to speak about Yuki as it was, just to start remembering all the bad things only made it worse. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to ask you. I know it's hard on you and I shouldn't pry."
"It's all right," Shuichi said half-heartedly, continuing where he stopped. "When we arrived at the hotel, Yuki was staying in, I caught him with some girl. At first, I was hoping she was part of the book signing or an actress who decided to join him. But I was wrong, he was whispering that he loved her and everything, of course she fell for it. I didn't know what to do, I felt my body break apart. So I approached them and out of anger, I threw water at him and walked away before we can even have a conversation. I told Hiro I wanted to go home without any explanation. So in the end that was one of many horrible memories I have. And it made me cry, which I hate the most."
"Why do you hate crying? I think it’s the best medicine, tears. Crying only would make everything better, make you feel better."
"Well, I'm sick of crying all the time. That's all I did back then was cry. Now, when the tears return, I hate myself so much for shedding them."
"Then that makes you inhuman. Why fell your mind with nothing but pain, it only would bring nothing but hell. Trust me, you will snap and that's when the tears will flow. I know . . . I've been through the ‘I can’t cry’ issue before. Often, when I visit Kei's grave, I shed the tears I've held for so long. Then I feel much better. Trust me, once you cry, all seems fine for that day."
"I just don't understand you sometimes Toshiba . . ."
"Please stop calling me Toshiba. My father's business associates call him Toshiba. Call me Raiden just like everyone else."
"Why should I, I don't know you well enough to address you by your first name."
"If you get off that high horse demeanor of yours, then maybe you can get to know me. Well, I'm not going to stay here too long and bug the hell out of you. I'm going to have some drunks with the others. Try getting some rest to let the medicine wear off all right." He replied, standing up from his chair and headed toward the door.
Shuichi watched him quietly, as he opened the door and about to walk out, but he stopped him. Slowly sitting up, he felt bad for treating him like this, he just doesn’t want to relive the past. Seeing Raiden look at him, he felt his heart quicken as he inhaled deeply. "Look, I'm sorry all right. I didn't mean to hurt your feelings. I'm still going to be like this, my trust for people is so limited, it's hard to accept others after what happened to me." He explained as Raiden just faintly smiled.
"When you let your past control your present, you only going to end up hurting yourself so much in the process. I understand, it's all right. I'm not upset, it's just how you are. One day, you'll come around and call me Raiden. Till then, Toshiba is just going to be there. Well, get some rest, I'll come and get you when we leave." He gave him another smile before walking out and closed the door.
Shuichi sighed deeply, placing his hand over his face. Why couldn't he just yell at him or something, but instead he's all understanding. "How could you be like that, always cheer and forgiving? I know deep inside you're hurting and you can't move on. You can't whisper goodbye to your lover, why are you doing this to yourself?"
When you are able to stare the person in the eyes and say . . . goodbye, my love.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
"God, remind me to never drink that much ever again. Sora, why did you challenge me to a chugging contest? Do you truly hate me that much?" Raiden groaned in pain as he held an ice pack on his head, staring at his beloved friend, who was all chipper and cheery in the morning.
Munching on butter toast, she looked at him with a wide grin. "Cause I knew you wouldn't be able too win. You could never beat me in those types of contest. I guess you aren't the alcoholic you use to be back in high school." She pointed out, taking another bite, making him roll his eyes.
Removing the ice pack, he had this killer headache, so hung over it wasn't even funny. He doesn’t understand how Hiro and Ryuichi could just drink and remain sober. They had so many shots of vodka, he wondered if they had alcohol poison by now. "I was wild in high school. Besides, I was hanging out with you and everyone knows how a bad influence you are on me."
Mumbling whatever, the front door opened as off key singing echoed. Raiden felt his head throbbed more as a young woman walked into the living room with nothing but shopping bags in her arm. Behind her stood Yuki as he grumbled something incoherent under his breath, placing down bags as he inhaled deeply of his cigarette. Sora just looked at them, without saying anything as she grinned. Falling back on the couch, Raiden placed the ice pack on his head as he listened to a high squeal coming from his sister. Sometimes he wonders how could they be related. She was all full of energy and he was just . . . him. Ayame face brightens as she began speaking to Sora, with nothing but sugar coated energy.
"Oh my god, you won't believe what happened to us today!" she squealed as she rushed to the vacant seat in the couch that was next to Sora. Seating down, she grabbed her hands, holding them tightly.
Sora chuckled nervously, wondering why the hell did she come over here in the first place. Now she remembered, to drop off Raiden who was so drunk he end up sleeping at her place. Playing along, she couldn't be that mean, after all they were friends also and the same age. "What happened to you guys Aya?"
Her smiled grew bigger than her head as she looked from her to Yuki to Raiden and then back to her. "All right, we'll Yuki-kun and I was walking through the shopping district when I saw . . . Shuichi Shindou! He was with the other two guys from Bad Luck and they were shopping. So I was like, 'oh my freaking god, I have to get his autograph'. Well, Yuki-kun was like 'leave them alone, they don't want to be seen in public'. And I was like, 'no, I'm their biggest fan'. So I rushed over there and asked Shindou-san for an autograph. You should have been there, he was shock. Oh did you know, Yuki and Shindou-san are really good friends?" she finally paused, as Sora sighed with relief. She can talk a mile a minute if you let her.
Raiden's ears perked when he heard Shuichi's name as he pushed himself up on his elbows and looked at Ayame. Apparently, he didn't tell her that he was Bad Luck's new drummer, she hasn't been home lately since her engagement to Yuki. "Aya, you know you don't bother famous people. I don't see anyone coming up to you or Yuki-san bothering you for an autograph."
Pouting, she looked at her brother as she spoke once again. "Well, I may be famous here in Japan, but all my true fans are in Europe. But now that Yuki-kun and I are engaged, everyone comes up to me for an autograph or picture. Tell him Yuki, we got stopped today at the jewelry shop when I was picking up my diamond necklace."
Yuki just stood there, taking a puff. Holding the cigarette to the side, he really didn't feel like talking, but couldn't remain silent. "Yeah . . . we just signed their stuff and went on our way."
Pouting at him now, she looked at Raiden as she explained what happened. "It wasn't like that. A group of lovely girls came up to us and was like 'wow, are you Ayame Toshiba and Eiri Yuki?' When I nodded, they screamed with joy and started pulling out books and posters and magazines with our picture on there. 'Can we have your autograph? We think you two are such a great couple.' So we signed all their stuff and they wanted to take pictures. Of course, I love the camera and give them shots that's worth money. So they blabbered about how much, they loved us and went away. God, it feels good to be famous . . . oh, I forgot, did you get that record deal?"
Sora and Raiden looked at each other, sighing in defeat. "Yes he got the record deal, he's a famous drummer now." Sora answered for him as Ayame squealed and hugged her brother.
Groaning in pain, god she was too loud for him and he didn't feel like celebrating. "Oh my god, Rai, congrates! We have to call papa! He's in Paris filming a movie, but he'll be proud to hear his son is finally famous. I told him about your gigs at local clubs and he couldn't except that. Oh, we also have to call mama, she would love to hear about it also. So tell me, what famous band and record company you play for?"
Sora sighed deeply, knowing this was going to be an all day process. Crossing her legs, she reached on the coffee table and grabbed her wine glass full of Merlot wine. Normal, she drinks at noon, but eleven in the morning was close enough. Taking a sip, she said it bluntly as if it wasn't anything important. "He's the bitch of N-G Records. Playing as the whore for Bad Luck. Your brother can beat that drum like he beat . . ."
"What the hell did I tell you about saying that, Sora!" he snapped hearing Ayame gasped in shock.
"What! You're Bad Luck's drummer, no fucking way! When did they need a drummer, oh my god! Yuki, my brother's Bad Luck's drummer, this is so cool! You got to invite us to your concerts, onii-chan!"
Raiden pushed her off him, feeling too much love. Sitting straight up, he glared at Sora as she looked at him all innocent, sipping her wine. "Yeah, I'm the drummer for Bad Luck and you just missed the Concert."
"What! You didn't even call me and tell me that you were performing in your first concert! What type of brother are you, you ass! When was the concert?"
"Last night at the new club 'Astro'. It was great playing on stage. Nittle Grasper was our opening act. Sorry I didn't tell you, but you were busy with the planning and stuff."
Growling, Ayame took the pillow and hit him as she got up. Glaring at him, she turned away with an attitude as she picked up her backs. "Jerk, I would never forgive up. Don't ask me for a ticket to my next movie premiere! C'mon love, let's bring these bags into my room and then go out to eat, my treat. Sora, would you like to come?"
Shaking her head, she glanced at Raiden as he held the pillow in his arms, looking dumbfounded. "I have to take a rain check, love. Your brother needs me right now. Go ahead and have fun, I'll stay here."
Ayame nodded, smiling sweetly at Sora then glared once more at Raiden. Turning away, she headed toward the back as Yuki followed her quietly. As they disappeared and the loud slamming of the door echoed, Sora bust out laughing. Cracking up, she saw the expression on Raiden's face as she shook her head. "Oh my god, she's pissed at you. Don't worry, your sister's retard and would forgive you."
Sighing, he needed to take something for his head. "Yeah, I know. Hey, I'll be right back, I need something for my head and I haven't taken my medication this morning. Just stay put and don't start touching anything." He told her, standing up and stretching.
Sitting her glass down, she raised her hand in defense. "I promise not to touch anything. Are you still referring to the time I accidently broke that vase?"
"Yes I am, it was my mother's."
"I said I was sorry and was willing to pay you back. God, you are such an ass."
"So are you."
Walking away, he headed toward the back as he came to the hall of doors. Entering the first one on the left, he was greeted by bright light, wondering when did he open his curtains. Ignoring it, he stepped inside, closing the door behind him. Looking around his lonely room, he saw what he was looking for on his nightstand. Going toward it, he took a seat on the bed. Just staring at the three pill bottles, he still wonders why he's taking them. He wasn't suffering that badly like he did in the past. But he still had those symptoms with the illness. Being bipolar, he couldn't take any chances of snapping at people. Reaching for the bottle, he popped it opening, pouring out the tiny white pill that supposes to calm him down. The next for his anxieties, and the last one to tranquilize everything he felt or thought of. Without water, he threw them in his mouth and swallowed as the phone ring. Wondering who it was, he knew his sister wouldn't answer it and he told Sora not to touch anything. Grumbling, he picked up the receiver and spoke to the person.
"Raiden speaking, hope it's good news." He said, saying his usual greeting.
Hearing a soft chuckle, he recognizes it from anywhere. Grinning, he wouldn't think in a million years he would call him. "Hi Toshiba-san. It's me Shuichi, I'm just calling to ask what are you doing later?" he heard Shuichi ask as he thought about it.
He really didn't have anything planned, all he was going to do was watch anime with Sora. "Nothing important, why is something wrong at work?"
There was a slight pause on the other end as Shuichi spoke again. "No, I was wondering if you would like to go out to eat? I know this nice restaurant in downtown Tokyo that serves the best American food. So . . . do you want to go?"
Smiling, he probably felt guilty about last night. "I guess, Sora would understand that eating American food is much more important than anime. So what time do you want to meet for?"
"Um . . . around eight. Do you want me to pick you up?"
"Naw . . . I'll get a taxi or something. Well, see you then, Shindou-san."
"Shuichi . . ."
"Excuse me?"
"My name is Shuichi . . . not Shindou-san. My father is called that, not me."
Smiling, he notices he's playing the same game. "All right . . . Ja ne Shuichi."
"Ja ne . . . Raiden."
TBC
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A uthor's Note: Cool chapter! Man, I think this is the longest chapter I ever wrote. It's really good, I like it. So what do you think? The ending was the best . . . they call each other by their first names . . . aww! So reviews and let me know what you think!
Next Chapter: Listen to the Rain
Drops of memory fall from the sky . . .
Dripping onto the earth in absolute sadness . . .
They whispers forget everything, it's time to move on . . .