Gravitation Fan Fiction ❯ Forever Gone, Forever You (revised) ❯ Chapter Eight: Forsaken: pt. I ( Chapter 8 )
[ Y - Young Adult: Not suitable for readers under 16 ]
By: Crimsonreverse 
Anime/Manga: Gravitation Fan Fiction | Genre(s): Drama / Romance / Angst | Type: Yaoi | Uploaded On: 07.09.2006 | Pages: 3 | Words: 5.6K | Visits: 233 | Status: Work In Progress
Anime/Manga: Gravitation Fan Fiction | Genre(s): Drama / Romance / Angst | Type: Yaoi | Uploaded On: 07.09.2006 | Pages: 3 | Words: 5.6K | Visits: 233 | Status: Work In Progress
Disclaimer: Na no da!
Author's Note: Another great chapter . . . I knew it would go perfectly well. Anyway, what did you think of my new characters. Faye and Dylan is just the base, there's two more new characters also. So Raiden left and came back with a new band. So much stuff is going to happen for now on . . . it's going to be exciting. Oh trust me . . . I'm twisted and all my stories come out great. Enjoy . . .
"Whimsical was the first word I could think of. Just staring up at the stars, listening to a song from long ago, I forgot about all my troubles, all about the pain that made me the way I was. Then, when my eyes closed, I could see him. And it only brought back painful tears."
Shuichi Shindou, Singer
Chapter Eight: Forsaken: pt. I
"So you think he's going to go to Raiden's concert?"
"Yep . . . I haven't told Raiden yet, but I know he's going to go. I want it to be a surprise. Regardless what he says, he still loves him. So why do you want to do this?"
"I just want him to be happy for once. The things I've done to him, he's still dwelling on them."
"I knew Ayame did the right thing by marrying you. I'm glad that you are still concern about him, Yuki-san. Someone has to be since his change."
"Whatever . . . I'm only doing what's best for Shuichi."
"I know and don't worry I won't tell Ayame. This is strictly between you and me."
The streets were crowded with people as they headed towards their favorite restaurants for lunch. Clear skies illuminate the area as the sun beamed down. Golden eyes gazed through darken shades as he picked up his cup of coffee and took a sip. He hoped everything goes as plan, he heard about what happened. As much as he hates to admit it, he owes it to Shuichi and all the crap he had done to him. And in the end, he wanted the singer to be happy once again. Placing his cup down, he looked at Sora as she looked at the street full of people. Within those two years, they became good friends. She helped him a lot with his stories; he never knew she was also a novelist herself. Ayame thought it was a great idea to let her plan the wedding, so he did. So far, nothing has been disagreed. And the wedding only a few weeks away, he wondered if she notice his nervousness.
Quiet once again, she just watches the people become fascinated by them. Ever since Raiden left, she became more observant just like him. During the tough moments where she felt vulnerable and stressed, she come to this little coffee shop and just watches the people. Today, she wasn't alone and it made her feel good. Two years without Raiden, she needed someone to talk to about her problems. Of course, Ryuichi wasn't here a lot and she couldn't talk to her sister, even though they are close. Ayame was still trying to figure out what she's going to do with the wedding and the only person was left was Yuki. She had to admit; he was a great listener and knew the right things to say. It was like; they shared the same problems, but didn't know who to talk to.
Removing her eyes off the people, she stared down at her coffee cup, seeing tiny ripples move. This was a perfect day; she thought picking up the cup and took a short sip. After her encounter with Shuichi, she just prayed that the plan goes well. She told Yuki about Shuichi feelings towards Raiden and why he left for along time. She even told him about Raiden's deceased lover Kei and why he couldn't let him go. It seems the novelist understood and he even opened up about his past life with Shuichi and the things he did to the singer. Understanding, she didn't lash out at him, but in a way comfort him upon his sin. He couldn't atone for them, she knew that but he could give him another chance to move on. She saw the big improvement with Yuki over the two years; he finally was able to live once again and even find his true love. Now, it was time to grant Raiden that chance and Shuichi was the only one who can help.
Placing the cup down, she sighed deeply returning her gazed on the blonde. Watching the sun mix the color of his hair, she faintly smiled. Now to bigger matters upon their plan. "Yeah, when I saw him at the music store, he was holding one of Raiden's first CDs; you know the one with him on the cover as an angel."
"And you told him what it meant?" Yuki asked as his brow rose in questioning.
Nodding, she couldn't just leave it alone. Just staring at the cover brought her a little heartache. "He needed to know, but you should have seen him. He was marveled by the cover and when I told him, I saw some gleam of hope within those violet eyes of his. I know, he claims he doesn't love Raiden anymore, but he does. He just confused and scared right now."
Agreeing with her, he knew Shuichi better than anyone. He only does certain things for attention and also it's a cry for help. Watching as the waitress brought them their lunch, he didn't feel like eating it and notice Sora though the same thing. "He just doesn’t know what to do right now. Sometimes he's too headstrong to admit things aren't right. You always have to be wrong in order for him to be right."
"Same with Raiden, both of them a stubborn. Now there's the concert and the welcome home party. I know Ayame's planning it and everything, so how are we going to get Shuichi to come?"
"Nakano said he could do that part. He and Shuichi are best friends still, so he'll just bring him along. Hopefully nothing goes wrong; don't need to have police and stuff there."
"True . . . he has been very violent lately, tabloids told everything. The only thing I'm worried about is how Raiden would take it. I know he was able to say goodbye, but I know he's still hurting."
"There's nothing we can do about that. He just have to make up his mind, he can't keep dwelling on the past because he could never move on in the future."
Smiling, she knew he was right. "Such words from a romance novelist . . ."
"Shut up."
"I see why I don't read your books."
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*"Hey Shuichi, it's me. Just calling to ask you if you want to come to this party with me on Saturday? It's at 'Magma', the hot club in Harajuku. You got to come . . . call me later, bye."
The messaged ended as darkness took over the apartment. In the background, music played lowly as Shuichi sat in the corner of his living room. Sweat dripped from his brow as he stared down at the needle within his hand. He promises them that he would stop; he told them that it was his last time. But he couldn't, his body become so addictive to it that he lied about going to rehab. Raising it, he shook the needle, watching the mixture inside move. Licking his lips, he knew he should stop, but he couldn't. He wanted to forget everything, his feelings, his thoughts, and his pain. Bring it down to his arm; he pushed in it, pressing down. Closing his eyes, he felt the burning sensation going through his body as he hissed. This was the only way to release the pain he felt. Once it all went in, he pulled the needle out, placing it next to him. Holding his arm out, he breath started to become laborious, feeling it working.
The first song ended as the next one played. Lifting up his eyelids, he felt them becoming heavy as he listened to the song. It was in Japanese, from the CD Sora told him about. Just hearing it, the words seem to soar through the air. He hated this feeling, he was so confused. Leaning forward, he needed to get up but couldn't even focus straight. Falling back, he chuckled madly hearing his phone ring. Wondering who it was, the answer machine picked up as the person spoke into it. Listening to the voice, he grinned as he started having trouble breathing. Violet eyes couldn't focus anymore as his vision started going in and out. Feeling like shit, he knew this was for the best. Because if he was to die, no one would care. No one ever cared about his feelings, they just toss them aside. If not, many stepped on them and watch it fall apart.
"Hi Shuichi, it's me Yuki. Just calling to tell you that we should have dinner together. We need to talk alright? Give me a call later, bye."
Laughing crazily, he couldn't believe his ears. Yuki . . . calling him? Asking him to dinner, it was a dream come true. Closing his eyes, he shook his head. It was a trap, he could feel it. Just like before, Yuki did this and in the end, he end up getting hurt or worst, raped. But he enjoyed every ounce of it because he kept returning to him. Feeling his body lean, he tried to fight the force of gravity, but couldn't. Crashing on the floor, he laid all sprung out. That's right . . . he could feel eternal darkness coming for him. This is what he wanted, nothing but death. He wanted to die to kill the pain. He wanted to leave this world and live in a world where there was no pain. Every time he close his eyes, he could see the people that causing him to hurt.
He could see Yuki and his abusive ways. He could feel every blow and punch that was giving to him by his fist. He could feel the agonizing pain of having his arms broken as Yuki pinned him to the floor, yelling. Then his hands, roughly touching his body as he raped him over and over, in drunken rage. And the more he pleaded, the more he cried, Yuki never stopped. He body was slowly shattering with every little thing that was happening to him. It hurt so badly that he would even hurt himself. He would lock the door to the bathroom and take the razor and go over his own flesh, just to feel pain. He wanted it so much; he couldn't tell Hiro or the others what was going on. Regardless what inhumane thing Yuki was doing to him, he kept coming back. Just like a dog, coming back for more food. He feed off of pain, both from Yuki and himself.
Then it was Raiden, the one who helped him realize that there was more to life. He knew the first moment he spoke to Raiden; it would all end in tears. But he didn't listen to his mind and continued to open up more. He even told him about the abuse Yuki did to him, not all of it but enough to open up. And Raiden, who just smiled and held him made him feel like himself again. He wasn't afraid anymore; he thought he could actually move on. When he thought that, he had to confess his feelings just an idiot. His feelings was what hurt him more. Just watching the look on Raiden's face when he told him that he love him, he could see the words rejection written with his blue eyes. Then, he left him for two years to rot in hell. Two years, he didn't know what to do. He couldn't figure out whether to live or die. That's when he was introduced to the world of drugs and start doing heroine. He knew the causes, but he wasn't afraid. If it was able to erase everything, he would use it.
Slipping into darkness, he felt tears form within his close eyes as he thought about Raiden. He felt the pain he tried to numb come t the surface. Why did he return, why did he come back? Did he truly want to torment him once again? He knew he still love him, he couldn't stop. The more he felt that, he drowned it just to feel knowing. Was this unrequited love? But if it was, he would slowly die from it . . .
"Hey, I thought I would find you up here again. How are you feeling today, Shindou-san?"
Tossing his cigarette over the edge, he turned towards the approaching voice, seeing it was no other than Raiden. Becoming angry, what was with the man and always searching for him? It was starting to annoy him; he didn't want to be found. Raiden just smiled brightly as he joined him along the rail. It was the third time he been up here with Shuichi and he started to like it. It was a perfect play to come and clear your mind, also the sunsets are beautiful from the view. Placing his arms on the rail, he stared up at the twilight sky, watching them say their finally goodbye and bring out the night. Inhaling deeply, he like the night time, it was beautiful because of the stars.
Shuichi looked at him, just watching how he simply become mesmerize by something like this. He just didn't understand him; he knew that he had some problems. How could he just be happy all the time? "Why do you always smile?"
Snapping out of his bubble, he turned to Shuichi with a perplex face. Was he always that happy? No, it really wasn't him; it was more of the medicine. Shrugging his shoulders, he didn't want to tell him that. "Because I believe that happiness would always bring out the best of people."
Rolling his eyes, he reached into his pocket, pulling out another cigarette. Placing it between his lips, he lit it. Taking along drag, he blew out the smoke. It brings out the best of people, who the hell told him that. "Seriously, how old are you? Happiness doesn't bring out the best of people. How could someone be happy when they feel like shit?"
His smile faltered as he look grimace. He never really thought about that. "I don't know . . . Kei always told me that. Happiness will bring out the best of people." he whispered, for the first time feeling lost without his decease love.
He remember their last conversation about Kei and wanted to know more about this person. "Kei . . . he was your lover right. What about him made you love him? He was sick, you knew he didn't have much time here on earth."
"What made you love Yuki? You knew he had a troublesome past, but you still love him. It was the same with Kei, I didn't care if he had cancer, and he was still a person. I love him for that and I would always will."
"How could you? With Yuki, he was just suffering with his past. Kei was dying and would be leaving you behind. Did he ever do anything with you? Did he ever give you anything? He was sick all the time."
"So what? I didn't want much, only his love in return. I told him that I would never leave his side; I would be there beside him until the day he dies. I kept my promise and I never stopped caring for him. Only, I couldn't give him what he wanted. At least with Yuki, you was able to love him and it change him a little."
"Bullshit . . . if it changed him, why was he still hurting? He took all his pain and rage and turn it to abusive actions. I was the target for his abuse, his drunken rages." Shuichi stopped, realizing he spoke too much. He wasn't ready to reveal that part of his relationship and now he knew Raiden probably would say something about it.
Silent for a moment, he could feel how nervous and tense he was. Why was he a shame to tell him about his relationship with Yuki? Finally responding, he knew it wasn't the type of response Shuichi was expecting to hear. "I'm sorry . . ."
Why was he apologizing for, he didn't do anything. He didn't want his sympathy and he didn't even want to talk about it. "Let's just pretend I didn't even say anything. I don't want to talk about it and you better not tell anyone else."
"I know it must have hurt . . . to know that the man you love was doing this to you. It must have broken you, mentally, physically, and emotionally."
"Look, I just said I don't want to talk about it. Stop rumbling on . . ."
"You know . . . if you keep this to yourself, it's only going to make things worse. It's only going to tear you apart."
"You don't understand! You don't know how it feels."
"I know how it feels . . . but my abuse wasn't physical, more spiritual. I understand more than you think, more than you want me to know."
"How the hell do you do it? How can you help someone else, but not help yourself?"
"My problems lie much deeper than many think. I have ways to ease my pain, with music and other things. But others are lost and I think it's my purpose for helping them. I'm like a guiding light, leading you down the right path."
"You are truly stupid . . . you're willing to sacrifice everything just to help someone."
"I know, but this is who I am. This is me."
"Shuichi . . . please wake up. C'mon . . ."
"He's doing it again, Hiro we need to get him some serious help. He can't keep taking this stuff; it's going to mess him up. Look at his arm; it's all black and blue."
"I know K, but he don't want us to help him. We tried everything and he just continues to do it."
Moaning loudly, he felt his body become like lead as he tried to open his eyes. Wondering where he was and why was he hearing voice, he tried to speak, but he couldn't. His body felt so hot right now; he wondered how much he took this time. Hiro heard him as he took the cold cloth and plotted it on his forehead, trying to cool him down. He was worried about Shuichi and wanted to come and check on him. So K tagged along, just to make sure also as they drove to his apartment. When they got there, they rung his doorbell numbers of times, but didn't hear anything. He knew Shuichi didn't leave, so he took out the key that he gave him and entered.
The first thing he was greeted by was darkness. Worried, he start searching the place, turning on every light. That's when he saw Shuichi in the living room, spread out on the floor, not moving. Panicking, he called K and they went to his side. Thanking god he was still breathing, they saw the needle on the floor and realized he was doing it again. Feeling angry and hurt, he knew that Shuichi couldn't stop but he kept telling himself that he would. Now this happened and he didn't know what to do. He thought the first time when Shuichi changed was horrible, but this time it was deadly. His best friend was hurting and he couldn't heal him. Tears mist in his eyes as he felt like a bad friend. K notice this and came next to him. It wasn't his fault; they just need to try harder. Looking up at K, he shook his head.
"I failed as a friend . . . I couldn't save him." he whispered painfully as K took him into his arms and held him.
Listening to his lover cry, he kissed him gently on the head. "You've done everything you could, Hiro. We both did and in the end it's not helping. He just can't seem to let go of the past and move on. We need to find some other way of helping him."
Burying his face into K's chest, he muffled his sobs. He promise to never cry again, he had to be strong for him and Shuichi. "How? He refuse to stay in rehab and we can't do it ourselves. He could die if he continues this. He won't listen to us, he won't listen to anybody."
Closing his eyes, K knew it was true, but he didn't lose hope. He knew one person that could help them. "It's not over . . . don't worry, we'll get Shuichi back even if it kills us."
"I'm scared . . . I can't lose him, he's my best friend."
"I know love . . . I know."
[A/N: I had to do it . . . I think it was time to bring out the other characters also. Not just Shuichi and Raiden.]
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
" I'm worried about Shu-chan. He's not acting like himself lately . . . have you seen how he look. He's not well, not at all." Ryuichi whispered, as he lay on his couch, Kuma on his chest.
Noriko looked up from her book, staring at the singer. She also felt the same way, but there was nothing they could do. Shuichi wouldn't listen to them, he knew that. "Ryu . . . we just can't interfere. Shuichi would come to us if he truly need us." she told him reassuringly, returning her eyes back to the book.
Turning to her, his sapphire eyes were glossy. He couldn't help but worry, he seen Shuichi not too long ago. He wasn't himself, he notice bruises upon his arms and holes. He didn't want to believe that he's doing drugs; Shuichi wasn't that type of person. But he wanted to know, he didn't know who to ask. "Nori . . . when you notice someone's arms are bruised badly and holes are along them . . . does he do heroine?"
Hearing this, it not like Ryuichi to just ask random questions. Turning to him again, she saw how serious he was, answering his question. "It's possible, but who do you know that's doing it? Oh Ryuichi, please don't tell me you're doing drugs." she panic, feeling the baby kick. Rubbing her stomach, she didn't mean to but it wasn't like him.
"No Nori, I made a promise to give up on that stuff. I'm asking because I think Shuichi's doing it. Nakano-san was telling me how he notice tiny holes that were all red and irritated on Shu-chan's arms. He thought he was probably self-mutilating himself, but then he notice more signs. Don't tell me he's doing that stuff, doesn't he know acid can kill him."
About to answer him, there was a knock at the door making her wonder who's visiting. Placing her book on the table, she got up walking slowly to the door. Ryuichi watched as she disappeared, wondering who it was. No one knew he was here, maybe it was Sora. Coming to the door, she looked through the hole, seeing blonde hair and blue eyes staring back at her and Hiro. Raising a brow, this wouldn't be the first time they came to her. Opening the door, she look at them, noticing red eyes on Hiro. Wondering what happened; she moved out the way and let them come in. Hiro smile faintly, knowing this was the only place he could go to tell someone. He tried phoning Yuki, but only got his message. He didn't want to call Shuichi's parents; he didn't want to tell them. He couldn't tell Tohma that would mean the end of Shuichi's career.
Closing the door behind, she ushered them to the living room. Ryuichi sat up on the couch, seeing K and Hiro, wondering what's wrong. Feeling his stomach churn, knowing that something isn't right. Holding Kuma close to his chest, he watched with wide eyes as they sat down on the other couch. Sighing, he watched as Noriko retreated to the kitchen to fix them some tea. K looked down at Hiro, noticing how scared he was. Grabbing his hand, he sighed deeply turning to Ryuichi. Faintly smiling, wonder what they were doing here.
"Hey, Sakuma-san. What are you doing here?" Hiro asked, smiling at him. He notice how he was looking at him, seeing that he notice his eyes.
Sighing, he placed Kuma to the side, not knowing what to say. "Just coming to see how Nori's doing. She's alone since her husband passed away not too long ago and pregnant. What about you guys, what's wrong?"
Hiro closed his eyes, feeling all stress out. After leaving Shuichi's place, he couldn't function straight. He was depraved from sleep and he cried all night. K was worried about him, but he told him that it was for the best. He so worried about his friend that he don't know what to do or who to talk to. Finally, K suggested that they come to Noriko's place to see if her sister Sora was here, but of course she wasn't. So they just decided to stay and see if Noriko heard anything from Shuichi, since they are good friends also. He didn't expect to see Ryuichi; he knew the former singer was in America working on a film.
"It's . . . Shuichi. I'm worried about him. He's not himself since everything happened. He's been getting himself into so much trouble and stuff. Have you read the tabloids lately?"
Ryuichi nodded when Noriko walked back with tray of teas and treats. Placing them down on the table, she sat down. "Yeah, we read them and I notice all the things that brat got himself into. Shuichi doing drugs . . . it doesn't seem like him. Being caught and stuff . . . he sure turned into some bad ass." she replied, grabbing her cup and taking a sip.
It was more than that, but Hiro didn't want to say anything. "I believe it's getting worse . . . yesterday we saw him sprung out. He's doing it again, heroine. I think he took more than the average dose, but we have to do something. He's getting out of control and I don't think he can take another dose of heroine."
"What do you think we should do? He probably won't go to rehab, he's stubborn." Ryuichi said, not having much of an appetite.
Hiro looked down at his cup, getting an idea. "We know that, but I was hoping that Sora would be around. She knows something and we think she could help us."
"You mean how she knows what happened between him and Raiden. Yeah . . . she told me about it. It's sad really, I mean for Raiden. I love the kid, but sometimes I wonder why he continues to hurt himself like this." Noriko sighed sadly, rubbing her stomach, feeling the baby move.
Confuse what she means hurt himself. He never really got to know Raiden well when he was with the band. They talked, but more on the levels of music than anything. "What happened to Toshiba-san?"
Looking at Hiro, she sighed deeply once again, thinking. She knew that Raiden didn't really care if anyone knew about him. "Raiden . . . he didn't have a wonderful life like most of us. The kid . . . he's broken into so many pieces that it got worse when he lost his lover."
"Lover? I didn't know he was with someone. What happened, how did he lose his lover?" Ryuichi asked, becoming interested by the minute. He remember Sora telling him about Raiden, and how he love his music.
"His lover had cancer . . . leukemia. Raiden tried so hard to help him; he devoted his time in donating blood and bone marrow. But it wasn't helping and slowly his lover start getting weaker and weaker. The saddest part was he never stop loving him, even though his lover told him about his cancer and that he would die. I don't even think in return he was loved. So in the end, when his lover died, his soul went with him without even knowing if he love him in return. Sora and I was with him at the funeral and it was the first time we never seen him cry. 'I knew he never love him like the way I did, but it was something. It was something to heal some of the reopened wounds.' he told us as he smiled. We always worry about him, because he's so fragile. To him, he doesn't care about his happiness as long as he could help and make others happy.
"What broke him the most was when Shuichi confess his feelings for him. It just reopened old wounds that he healed and it didn't know what to do. He was frighten and ran away. I know it sound silly, but Raiden is just a lost soul, forsaken to even find happiness. There's so much stuff he can do, but he doesn't see it. He's blinded by his own fear that it would drive him into eternal exile." she explained the best way she could, seeing all of them looking down.
He remember Shuichi telling him that he confess his feeling for Raiden, but all he did was cry harder. "I guess they both are hurting. Shuichi's feelings were rejected and Toshiba's just brought nothing but pain. I remember Shuichi telling me that it hurts worst to know that the person never return the feelings. But still . . . if Toshiba never left, maybe Shuichi wouldn't be this way."
"He would . . . because then Raiden's presence would only bring him more pain. And with Raiden being here and near him, he would only feel nothing but numbness. Kei was his first and last and he don't know what he would do. He still stuck on the past, but from what Sora told me he was able to say goodbye. But she don't think he fully meant it. He has to be able to open his eyes and except it."
Hiro inhale a shaky breath as he look up at K. "What are we going to do? Shuichi is only doing this because he's hurting."
"It's more like he's mourning. In a way, he could never let his feelings go for Raiden, but the more he thought about it, it start hurting. He wants to forget, but he can't. It was just like with Yuki, he couldn't forget him and he end up doing some things before. I'm worried, because I think this time it's serious. Is there anything we can do?"
Noriko close her eyes as she thought of a solution. Ryuichi look between the three as he gasped. He remember seeing a poster outside the mall with some new band on there. "Maybe we can just take him out. Let him know that we care for him. There's this concert at the Tokyo Dome with some new British band, who rocks the world. He probably want to see them, we can get backstage passes." he said excitedly, as the others agreed.
"I always knew that Noriko choose the right type of people to hang out with. Good afternoon everyone, hope I'm not late." A voice interrupted them as they turned towards the source, seeing aquamarine eyes looking at them slyly. Sora stood in the doorway of the living room as she held up eight tickets in her hand. Grinning, she just walked in to hear Noriko tell them about Raiden's past and Ryuichi brilliant idea. Smiling, she wave it to them, slowly exposing her plan. "That's an excellent idea Ryu because that's exactly what we're doing. There's some unfinished business and I'm going to need as much help as I can get."
TBC
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< br> Author's Note: Cliffhanger! What do you think? Well let me know . . . Review!
Upcoming chapter: Forsaken: pt. II
When eyes once again meet . . .
Pain returns from within . . .
It just like the beginning . . .
Author's Note: Another great chapter . . . I knew it would go perfectly well. Anyway, what did you think of my new characters. Faye and Dylan is just the base, there's two more new characters also. So Raiden left and came back with a new band. So much stuff is going to happen for now on . . . it's going to be exciting. Oh trust me . . . I'm twisted and all my stories come out great. Enjoy . . .
"Whimsical was the first word I could think of. Just staring up at the stars, listening to a song from long ago, I forgot about all my troubles, all about the pain that made me the way I was. Then, when my eyes closed, I could see him. And it only brought back painful tears."
Shuichi Shindou, Singer
Chapter Eight: Forsaken: pt. I
"So you think he's going to go to Raiden's concert?"
"Yep . . . I haven't told Raiden yet, but I know he's going to go. I want it to be a surprise. Regardless what he says, he still loves him. So why do you want to do this?"
"I just want him to be happy for once. The things I've done to him, he's still dwelling on them."
"I knew Ayame did the right thing by marrying you. I'm glad that you are still concern about him, Yuki-san. Someone has to be since his change."
"Whatever . . . I'm only doing what's best for Shuichi."
"I know and don't worry I won't tell Ayame. This is strictly between you and me."
The streets were crowded with people as they headed towards their favorite restaurants for lunch. Clear skies illuminate the area as the sun beamed down. Golden eyes gazed through darken shades as he picked up his cup of coffee and took a sip. He hoped everything goes as plan, he heard about what happened. As much as he hates to admit it, he owes it to Shuichi and all the crap he had done to him. And in the end, he wanted the singer to be happy once again. Placing his cup down, he looked at Sora as she looked at the street full of people. Within those two years, they became good friends. She helped him a lot with his stories; he never knew she was also a novelist herself. Ayame thought it was a great idea to let her plan the wedding, so he did. So far, nothing has been disagreed. And the wedding only a few weeks away, he wondered if she notice his nervousness.
Quiet once again, she just watches the people become fascinated by them. Ever since Raiden left, she became more observant just like him. During the tough moments where she felt vulnerable and stressed, she come to this little coffee shop and just watches the people. Today, she wasn't alone and it made her feel good. Two years without Raiden, she needed someone to talk to about her problems. Of course, Ryuichi wasn't here a lot and she couldn't talk to her sister, even though they are close. Ayame was still trying to figure out what she's going to do with the wedding and the only person was left was Yuki. She had to admit; he was a great listener and knew the right things to say. It was like; they shared the same problems, but didn't know who to talk to.
Removing her eyes off the people, she stared down at her coffee cup, seeing tiny ripples move. This was a perfect day; she thought picking up the cup and took a short sip. After her encounter with Shuichi, she just prayed that the plan goes well. She told Yuki about Shuichi feelings towards Raiden and why he left for along time. She even told him about Raiden's deceased lover Kei and why he couldn't let him go. It seems the novelist understood and he even opened up about his past life with Shuichi and the things he did to the singer. Understanding, she didn't lash out at him, but in a way comfort him upon his sin. He couldn't atone for them, she knew that but he could give him another chance to move on. She saw the big improvement with Yuki over the two years; he finally was able to live once again and even find his true love. Now, it was time to grant Raiden that chance and Shuichi was the only one who can help.
Placing the cup down, she sighed deeply returning her gazed on the blonde. Watching the sun mix the color of his hair, she faintly smiled. Now to bigger matters upon their plan. "Yeah, when I saw him at the music store, he was holding one of Raiden's first CDs; you know the one with him on the cover as an angel."
"And you told him what it meant?" Yuki asked as his brow rose in questioning.
Nodding, she couldn't just leave it alone. Just staring at the cover brought her a little heartache. "He needed to know, but you should have seen him. He was marveled by the cover and when I told him, I saw some gleam of hope within those violet eyes of his. I know, he claims he doesn't love Raiden anymore, but he does. He just confused and scared right now."
Agreeing with her, he knew Shuichi better than anyone. He only does certain things for attention and also it's a cry for help. Watching as the waitress brought them their lunch, he didn't feel like eating it and notice Sora though the same thing. "He just doesn’t know what to do right now. Sometimes he's too headstrong to admit things aren't right. You always have to be wrong in order for him to be right."
"Same with Raiden, both of them a stubborn. Now there's the concert and the welcome home party. I know Ayame's planning it and everything, so how are we going to get Shuichi to come?"
"Nakano said he could do that part. He and Shuichi are best friends still, so he'll just bring him along. Hopefully nothing goes wrong; don't need to have police and stuff there."
"True . . . he has been very violent lately, tabloids told everything. The only thing I'm worried about is how Raiden would take it. I know he was able to say goodbye, but I know he's still hurting."
"There's nothing we can do about that. He just have to make up his mind, he can't keep dwelling on the past because he could never move on in the future."
Smiling, she knew he was right. "Such words from a romance novelist . . ."
"Shut up."
"I see why I don't read your books."
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*"Hey Shuichi, it's me. Just calling to ask you if you want to come to this party with me on Saturday? It's at 'Magma', the hot club in Harajuku. You got to come . . . call me later, bye."
The messaged ended as darkness took over the apartment. In the background, music played lowly as Shuichi sat in the corner of his living room. Sweat dripped from his brow as he stared down at the needle within his hand. He promises them that he would stop; he told them that it was his last time. But he couldn't, his body become so addictive to it that he lied about going to rehab. Raising it, he shook the needle, watching the mixture inside move. Licking his lips, he knew he should stop, but he couldn't. He wanted to forget everything, his feelings, his thoughts, and his pain. Bring it down to his arm; he pushed in it, pressing down. Closing his eyes, he felt the burning sensation going through his body as he hissed. This was the only way to release the pain he felt. Once it all went in, he pulled the needle out, placing it next to him. Holding his arm out, he breath started to become laborious, feeling it working.
The first song ended as the next one played. Lifting up his eyelids, he felt them becoming heavy as he listened to the song. It was in Japanese, from the CD Sora told him about. Just hearing it, the words seem to soar through the air. He hated this feeling, he was so confused. Leaning forward, he needed to get up but couldn't even focus straight. Falling back, he chuckled madly hearing his phone ring. Wondering who it was, the answer machine picked up as the person spoke into it. Listening to the voice, he grinned as he started having trouble breathing. Violet eyes couldn't focus anymore as his vision started going in and out. Feeling like shit, he knew this was for the best. Because if he was to die, no one would care. No one ever cared about his feelings, they just toss them aside. If not, many stepped on them and watch it fall apart.
"Hi Shuichi, it's me Yuki. Just calling to tell you that we should have dinner together. We need to talk alright? Give me a call later, bye."
Laughing crazily, he couldn't believe his ears. Yuki . . . calling him? Asking him to dinner, it was a dream come true. Closing his eyes, he shook his head. It was a trap, he could feel it. Just like before, Yuki did this and in the end, he end up getting hurt or worst, raped. But he enjoyed every ounce of it because he kept returning to him. Feeling his body lean, he tried to fight the force of gravity, but couldn't. Crashing on the floor, he laid all sprung out. That's right . . . he could feel eternal darkness coming for him. This is what he wanted, nothing but death. He wanted to die to kill the pain. He wanted to leave this world and live in a world where there was no pain. Every time he close his eyes, he could see the people that causing him to hurt.
He could see Yuki and his abusive ways. He could feel every blow and punch that was giving to him by his fist. He could feel the agonizing pain of having his arms broken as Yuki pinned him to the floor, yelling. Then his hands, roughly touching his body as he raped him over and over, in drunken rage. And the more he pleaded, the more he cried, Yuki never stopped. He body was slowly shattering with every little thing that was happening to him. It hurt so badly that he would even hurt himself. He would lock the door to the bathroom and take the razor and go over his own flesh, just to feel pain. He wanted it so much; he couldn't tell Hiro or the others what was going on. Regardless what inhumane thing Yuki was doing to him, he kept coming back. Just like a dog, coming back for more food. He feed off of pain, both from Yuki and himself.
Then it was Raiden, the one who helped him realize that there was more to life. He knew the first moment he spoke to Raiden; it would all end in tears. But he didn't listen to his mind and continued to open up more. He even told him about the abuse Yuki did to him, not all of it but enough to open up. And Raiden, who just smiled and held him made him feel like himself again. He wasn't afraid anymore; he thought he could actually move on. When he thought that, he had to confess his feelings just an idiot. His feelings was what hurt him more. Just watching the look on Raiden's face when he told him that he love him, he could see the words rejection written with his blue eyes. Then, he left him for two years to rot in hell. Two years, he didn't know what to do. He couldn't figure out whether to live or die. That's when he was introduced to the world of drugs and start doing heroine. He knew the causes, but he wasn't afraid. If it was able to erase everything, he would use it.
Slipping into darkness, he felt tears form within his close eyes as he thought about Raiden. He felt the pain he tried to numb come t the surface. Why did he return, why did he come back? Did he truly want to torment him once again? He knew he still love him, he couldn't stop. The more he felt that, he drowned it just to feel knowing. Was this unrequited love? But if it was, he would slowly die from it . . .
"Hey, I thought I would find you up here again. How are you feeling today, Shindou-san?"
Tossing his cigarette over the edge, he turned towards the approaching voice, seeing it was no other than Raiden. Becoming angry, what was with the man and always searching for him? It was starting to annoy him; he didn't want to be found. Raiden just smiled brightly as he joined him along the rail. It was the third time he been up here with Shuichi and he started to like it. It was a perfect play to come and clear your mind, also the sunsets are beautiful from the view. Placing his arms on the rail, he stared up at the twilight sky, watching them say their finally goodbye and bring out the night. Inhaling deeply, he like the night time, it was beautiful because of the stars.
Shuichi looked at him, just watching how he simply become mesmerize by something like this. He just didn't understand him; he knew that he had some problems. How could he just be happy all the time? "Why do you always smile?"
Snapping out of his bubble, he turned to Shuichi with a perplex face. Was he always that happy? No, it really wasn't him; it was more of the medicine. Shrugging his shoulders, he didn't want to tell him that. "Because I believe that happiness would always bring out the best of people."
Rolling his eyes, he reached into his pocket, pulling out another cigarette. Placing it between his lips, he lit it. Taking along drag, he blew out the smoke. It brings out the best of people, who the hell told him that. "Seriously, how old are you? Happiness doesn't bring out the best of people. How could someone be happy when they feel like shit?"
His smile faltered as he look grimace. He never really thought about that. "I don't know . . . Kei always told me that. Happiness will bring out the best of people." he whispered, for the first time feeling lost without his decease love.
He remember their last conversation about Kei and wanted to know more about this person. "Kei . . . he was your lover right. What about him made you love him? He was sick, you knew he didn't have much time here on earth."
"What made you love Yuki? You knew he had a troublesome past, but you still love him. It was the same with Kei, I didn't care if he had cancer, and he was still a person. I love him for that and I would always will."
"How could you? With Yuki, he was just suffering with his past. Kei was dying and would be leaving you behind. Did he ever do anything with you? Did he ever give you anything? He was sick all the time."
"So what? I didn't want much, only his love in return. I told him that I would never leave his side; I would be there beside him until the day he dies. I kept my promise and I never stopped caring for him. Only, I couldn't give him what he wanted. At least with Yuki, you was able to love him and it change him a little."
"Bullshit . . . if it changed him, why was he still hurting? He took all his pain and rage and turn it to abusive actions. I was the target for his abuse, his drunken rages." Shuichi stopped, realizing he spoke too much. He wasn't ready to reveal that part of his relationship and now he knew Raiden probably would say something about it.
Silent for a moment, he could feel how nervous and tense he was. Why was he a shame to tell him about his relationship with Yuki? Finally responding, he knew it wasn't the type of response Shuichi was expecting to hear. "I'm sorry . . ."
Why was he apologizing for, he didn't do anything. He didn't want his sympathy and he didn't even want to talk about it. "Let's just pretend I didn't even say anything. I don't want to talk about it and you better not tell anyone else."
"I know it must have hurt . . . to know that the man you love was doing this to you. It must have broken you, mentally, physically, and emotionally."
"Look, I just said I don't want to talk about it. Stop rumbling on . . ."
"You know . . . if you keep this to yourself, it's only going to make things worse. It's only going to tear you apart."
"You don't understand! You don't know how it feels."
"I know how it feels . . . but my abuse wasn't physical, more spiritual. I understand more than you think, more than you want me to know."
"How the hell do you do it? How can you help someone else, but not help yourself?"
"My problems lie much deeper than many think. I have ways to ease my pain, with music and other things. But others are lost and I think it's my purpose for helping them. I'm like a guiding light, leading you down the right path."
"You are truly stupid . . . you're willing to sacrifice everything just to help someone."
"I know, but this is who I am. This is me."
"Shuichi . . . please wake up. C'mon . . ."
"He's doing it again, Hiro we need to get him some serious help. He can't keep taking this stuff; it's going to mess him up. Look at his arm; it's all black and blue."
"I know K, but he don't want us to help him. We tried everything and he just continues to do it."
Moaning loudly, he felt his body become like lead as he tried to open his eyes. Wondering where he was and why was he hearing voice, he tried to speak, but he couldn't. His body felt so hot right now; he wondered how much he took this time. Hiro heard him as he took the cold cloth and plotted it on his forehead, trying to cool him down. He was worried about Shuichi and wanted to come and check on him. So K tagged along, just to make sure also as they drove to his apartment. When they got there, they rung his doorbell numbers of times, but didn't hear anything. He knew Shuichi didn't leave, so he took out the key that he gave him and entered.
The first thing he was greeted by was darkness. Worried, he start searching the place, turning on every light. That's when he saw Shuichi in the living room, spread out on the floor, not moving. Panicking, he called K and they went to his side. Thanking god he was still breathing, they saw the needle on the floor and realized he was doing it again. Feeling angry and hurt, he knew that Shuichi couldn't stop but he kept telling himself that he would. Now this happened and he didn't know what to do. He thought the first time when Shuichi changed was horrible, but this time it was deadly. His best friend was hurting and he couldn't heal him. Tears mist in his eyes as he felt like a bad friend. K notice this and came next to him. It wasn't his fault; they just need to try harder. Looking up at K, he shook his head.
"I failed as a friend . . . I couldn't save him." he whispered painfully as K took him into his arms and held him.
Listening to his lover cry, he kissed him gently on the head. "You've done everything you could, Hiro. We both did and in the end it's not helping. He just can't seem to let go of the past and move on. We need to find some other way of helping him."
Burying his face into K's chest, he muffled his sobs. He promise to never cry again, he had to be strong for him and Shuichi. "How? He refuse to stay in rehab and we can't do it ourselves. He could die if he continues this. He won't listen to us, he won't listen to anybody."
Closing his eyes, K knew it was true, but he didn't lose hope. He knew one person that could help them. "It's not over . . . don't worry, we'll get Shuichi back even if it kills us."
"I'm scared . . . I can't lose him, he's my best friend."
"I know love . . . I know."
[A/N: I had to do it . . . I think it was time to bring out the other characters also. Not just Shuichi and Raiden.]
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
" I'm worried about Shu-chan. He's not acting like himself lately . . . have you seen how he look. He's not well, not at all." Ryuichi whispered, as he lay on his couch, Kuma on his chest.
Noriko looked up from her book, staring at the singer. She also felt the same way, but there was nothing they could do. Shuichi wouldn't listen to them, he knew that. "Ryu . . . we just can't interfere. Shuichi would come to us if he truly need us." she told him reassuringly, returning her eyes back to the book.
Turning to her, his sapphire eyes were glossy. He couldn't help but worry, he seen Shuichi not too long ago. He wasn't himself, he notice bruises upon his arms and holes. He didn't want to believe that he's doing drugs; Shuichi wasn't that type of person. But he wanted to know, he didn't know who to ask. "Nori . . . when you notice someone's arms are bruised badly and holes are along them . . . does he do heroine?"
Hearing this, it not like Ryuichi to just ask random questions. Turning to him again, she saw how serious he was, answering his question. "It's possible, but who do you know that's doing it? Oh Ryuichi, please don't tell me you're doing drugs." she panic, feeling the baby kick. Rubbing her stomach, she didn't mean to but it wasn't like him.
"No Nori, I made a promise to give up on that stuff. I'm asking because I think Shuichi's doing it. Nakano-san was telling me how he notice tiny holes that were all red and irritated on Shu-chan's arms. He thought he was probably self-mutilating himself, but then he notice more signs. Don't tell me he's doing that stuff, doesn't he know acid can kill him."
About to answer him, there was a knock at the door making her wonder who's visiting. Placing her book on the table, she got up walking slowly to the door. Ryuichi watched as she disappeared, wondering who it was. No one knew he was here, maybe it was Sora. Coming to the door, she looked through the hole, seeing blonde hair and blue eyes staring back at her and Hiro. Raising a brow, this wouldn't be the first time they came to her. Opening the door, she look at them, noticing red eyes on Hiro. Wondering what happened; she moved out the way and let them come in. Hiro smile faintly, knowing this was the only place he could go to tell someone. He tried phoning Yuki, but only got his message. He didn't want to call Shuichi's parents; he didn't want to tell them. He couldn't tell Tohma that would mean the end of Shuichi's career.
Closing the door behind, she ushered them to the living room. Ryuichi sat up on the couch, seeing K and Hiro, wondering what's wrong. Feeling his stomach churn, knowing that something isn't right. Holding Kuma close to his chest, he watched with wide eyes as they sat down on the other couch. Sighing, he watched as Noriko retreated to the kitchen to fix them some tea. K looked down at Hiro, noticing how scared he was. Grabbing his hand, he sighed deeply turning to Ryuichi. Faintly smiling, wonder what they were doing here.
"Hey, Sakuma-san. What are you doing here?" Hiro asked, smiling at him. He notice how he was looking at him, seeing that he notice his eyes.
Sighing, he placed Kuma to the side, not knowing what to say. "Just coming to see how Nori's doing. She's alone since her husband passed away not too long ago and pregnant. What about you guys, what's wrong?"
Hiro closed his eyes, feeling all stress out. After leaving Shuichi's place, he couldn't function straight. He was depraved from sleep and he cried all night. K was worried about him, but he told him that it was for the best. He so worried about his friend that he don't know what to do or who to talk to. Finally, K suggested that they come to Noriko's place to see if her sister Sora was here, but of course she wasn't. So they just decided to stay and see if Noriko heard anything from Shuichi, since they are good friends also. He didn't expect to see Ryuichi; he knew the former singer was in America working on a film.
"It's . . . Shuichi. I'm worried about him. He's not himself since everything happened. He's been getting himself into so much trouble and stuff. Have you read the tabloids lately?"
Ryuichi nodded when Noriko walked back with tray of teas and treats. Placing them down on the table, she sat down. "Yeah, we read them and I notice all the things that brat got himself into. Shuichi doing drugs . . . it doesn't seem like him. Being caught and stuff . . . he sure turned into some bad ass." she replied, grabbing her cup and taking a sip.
It was more than that, but Hiro didn't want to say anything. "I believe it's getting worse . . . yesterday we saw him sprung out. He's doing it again, heroine. I think he took more than the average dose, but we have to do something. He's getting out of control and I don't think he can take another dose of heroine."
"What do you think we should do? He probably won't go to rehab, he's stubborn." Ryuichi said, not having much of an appetite.
Hiro looked down at his cup, getting an idea. "We know that, but I was hoping that Sora would be around. She knows something and we think she could help us."
"You mean how she knows what happened between him and Raiden. Yeah . . . she told me about it. It's sad really, I mean for Raiden. I love the kid, but sometimes I wonder why he continues to hurt himself like this." Noriko sighed sadly, rubbing her stomach, feeling the baby move.
Confuse what she means hurt himself. He never really got to know Raiden well when he was with the band. They talked, but more on the levels of music than anything. "What happened to Toshiba-san?"
Looking at Hiro, she sighed deeply once again, thinking. She knew that Raiden didn't really care if anyone knew about him. "Raiden . . . he didn't have a wonderful life like most of us. The kid . . . he's broken into so many pieces that it got worse when he lost his lover."
"Lover? I didn't know he was with someone. What happened, how did he lose his lover?" Ryuichi asked, becoming interested by the minute. He remember Sora telling him about Raiden, and how he love his music.
"His lover had cancer . . . leukemia. Raiden tried so hard to help him; he devoted his time in donating blood and bone marrow. But it wasn't helping and slowly his lover start getting weaker and weaker. The saddest part was he never stop loving him, even though his lover told him about his cancer and that he would die. I don't even think in return he was loved. So in the end, when his lover died, his soul went with him without even knowing if he love him in return. Sora and I was with him at the funeral and it was the first time we never seen him cry. 'I knew he never love him like the way I did, but it was something. It was something to heal some of the reopened wounds.' he told us as he smiled. We always worry about him, because he's so fragile. To him, he doesn't care about his happiness as long as he could help and make others happy.
"What broke him the most was when Shuichi confess his feelings for him. It just reopened old wounds that he healed and it didn't know what to do. He was frighten and ran away. I know it sound silly, but Raiden is just a lost soul, forsaken to even find happiness. There's so much stuff he can do, but he doesn't see it. He's blinded by his own fear that it would drive him into eternal exile." she explained the best way she could, seeing all of them looking down.
He remember Shuichi telling him that he confess his feeling for Raiden, but all he did was cry harder. "I guess they both are hurting. Shuichi's feelings were rejected and Toshiba's just brought nothing but pain. I remember Shuichi telling me that it hurts worst to know that the person never return the feelings. But still . . . if Toshiba never left, maybe Shuichi wouldn't be this way."
"He would . . . because then Raiden's presence would only bring him more pain. And with Raiden being here and near him, he would only feel nothing but numbness. Kei was his first and last and he don't know what he would do. He still stuck on the past, but from what Sora told me he was able to say goodbye. But she don't think he fully meant it. He has to be able to open his eyes and except it."
Hiro inhale a shaky breath as he look up at K. "What are we going to do? Shuichi is only doing this because he's hurting."
"It's more like he's mourning. In a way, he could never let his feelings go for Raiden, but the more he thought about it, it start hurting. He wants to forget, but he can't. It was just like with Yuki, he couldn't forget him and he end up doing some things before. I'm worried, because I think this time it's serious. Is there anything we can do?"
Noriko close her eyes as she thought of a solution. Ryuichi look between the three as he gasped. He remember seeing a poster outside the mall with some new band on there. "Maybe we can just take him out. Let him know that we care for him. There's this concert at the Tokyo Dome with some new British band, who rocks the world. He probably want to see them, we can get backstage passes." he said excitedly, as the others agreed.
"I always knew that Noriko choose the right type of people to hang out with. Good afternoon everyone, hope I'm not late." A voice interrupted them as they turned towards the source, seeing aquamarine eyes looking at them slyly. Sora stood in the doorway of the living room as she held up eight tickets in her hand. Grinning, she just walked in to hear Noriko tell them about Raiden's past and Ryuichi brilliant idea. Smiling, she wave it to them, slowly exposing her plan. "That's an excellent idea Ryu because that's exactly what we're doing. There's some unfinished business and I'm going to need as much help as I can get."
TBC
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< br> Author's Note: Cliffhanger! What do you think? Well let me know . . . Review!
Upcoming chapter: Forsaken: pt. II
When eyes once again meet . . .
Pain returns from within . . .
It just like the beginning . . .