Gravitation Fan Fiction ❯ Forever Gone, Forever You (revised) ❯ Chapter Ten: My life . . . my heart . . . my love ( Chapter 10 )
[ Y - Young Adult: Not suitable for readers under 16 ]
By: Crimsonreverse 
Anime/Manga: Gravitation Fan Fiction | Genre(s): Drama / Romance / Angst | Type: Yaoi | Uploaded On: 07.13.2006 | Pages: 3 | Words: 4.2K | Visits: 237 | Status: Work In Progress
Anime/Manga: Gravitation Fan Fiction | Genre(s): Drama / Romance / Angst | Type: Yaoi | Uploaded On: 07.13.2006 | Pages: 3 | Words: 4.2K | Visits: 237 | Status: Work In Progress
Disclaimer: I don't own any gravitation characters, but I do own my own.
Author's Note: More to come . . . enjoy!
"He stares deeply into my eyes and whispers that he loves me. He grabbed my hand tightly and told me to never let go. Leading me down the path of choice, I stare at the fork in the road. Which way should I go?"
Raiden Toshiba, Singer
Chapter Ten: My life . . . my heart . . . my love
[A/N: This is all about Raiden. And I threw in another character, kind of a red herring thing.]
"You have to move on . . . you can't continue to live for me and only me, Raiden."
Everything seemed right from the beginning, everything was perfect. He found the person he love with all his heart and then God took him away. He still couldn't understand why, was this a way to atone for their sins? Shoving his hands into his pocket, Raiden turned the corner of the empty streets and came to his destination. Ahead of him was the cemetery he was so familiar with every time he visits. Coming to a stop, he stared at the huge golden gate that separated him as he could feel the dead of the night calling to him. He needed to get away from everyone; he needed to clear his head. Coming here was the only thing he could do because he knew no one would know where he was.
Reaching for the gate, he pulled it back as it let out a great squeal. Thick gray clouds took over the once blue sky indicating rain. It rains all the time when he comes here; he believes the clouds are also crying with him. Stepping in, his eyes wonder around the cemetery, just staring at the other lost souls who died for unknown reasons. Let the gate go as it shut him in, he walked along the stone path, eyes moving from one tomb stone to another. Stopping short, regardless how many times he's been here, just reading them makes him sadder about life. Staring at one tombstone with a little angel, who wings wrap around the body, hair covers the sadness of the angelic face. 'Aikona Hin, September 3, 1999 - November 27, 2006. May her wings soar higher than the sky'. Feeling completely sad, the girl was only six when she past. It must have upset her parents so much, to lose someone so young and precious. Closing his eyes and saying a small pray he hoped she would soar higher than the sky, just like her parents wished.
Continuing on his way, he saw another one that seems to call out to him also. This one was even younger, it was a little boy. Noticing that the parents put how he passed, he also had leukemia just like Kei. 'Through his eyes, he knew that he couldn't survive, but he always kept a smile.' Just smiling at that, he notice that the boy knew how much it hurts, but always smiled. He couldn't remember if Kei smiled on his final day. Turning passed some more graves; he finally made it to Kei's. Seeing the giant angel standing up as the wings that was once white turned gray and covered with moss. It has been along time since he came and seen him, two years. Looking around it, he saw fresh flowers placed against it. Smiling, he knew Sora or Ayame came and placed it there for him, to pay respect. Sighing deeply, he kneeled on the ground as he just looked at it in silence. It has been along time, he didn't even know where to begin.
Thunder echoed loudly above him as those gray clouds finally release their tears. Coming down heavily, he didn't even bother to move as it covered him. Just watching the water slide down the stone and land on the ground, his smile widen. Just like before, it was raining. Many memories of them together when it rains brought forbidden tears into his eyes. He missed him so much, he wish he could have told him that. He wishes he could have told him goodbye and that he love him. But he didn't because of his fear. He was afraid to face him and he knew that it probably hurt Kei the most.
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~*Five Years Ago*~
"He doesn't have much longer . . . the cancer is spreading fast. He could die tonight or tomorrow morning. Why don't you go in there and say your final goodbyes, Toshiba-san?"
He heard the words, but he couldn't comprehend them. He knew the time had come, but he refuse to believe it. Staring through the one-way window, he watched his lover fight for survival, which he couldn't win. Sora stood behind him, always watching, but didn't say anything. She knew he didn't want to talk about it, but he had too. It was best for the both of them, especially him. Placing his hand on the glass, he felt his heart fall apart into so many pieces, shattering. He promises to not cry when Kei passed away, but right now he had to break it. Tears rolled down his cheek and dripped onto the white floors of the hospital cancer ward as he shook his head.
It was too short, time took everything away. The doctors lied when they said seven months he had left. Kei didn't even make it to five and now he's leaving him. It was too short and he couldn't figure out why the Gods were against him. The doctor looked at him, seeing that he was hurting. Just nodded, he told Sora that they can go in there and talk to him, but he wouldn't be able to speak back. She nodded, approaching next to Raiden, touching his shoulder. Turning away from the window and look to her, he knew he was portraying emotions he promises to never show again. He was scared; he didn't know what to do anymore. His world was slowly crashing and he knew it would have been impossible to rebuild.
"The doctor told us we can go in, but he won't be able to speak. I think it's for the best . . . you have to tell him goodbye." she spoke softly, sympathetically.
Shaking his head, he couldn't go in there; it would only crush him more. He wanted to say his goodbye; he knew it would have been the best but just seeing Kei like that was tearing him apart. "I can't . . . I can't. It hurt seeing him like that, so helpless, so hopeless. It shouldn't have been this way, he should have lived longer like that the doctor said." he whispered as more tears rushed down.
Her eyes turned to the window, looking at Kei. Shaking her head, he did look so helpless. Death slowly approached for him and he couldn't even do anything. Biting her lips, she felt her own tears rose to the surface. She felt helpless also because she couldn't help her best friend. Removing her hand from his shoulder to his, she took it and held it tightly. She wanted him to know that she was here for him and would never leave. Moving closer, she rests her head on his shoulder.
"We don't have to go in if you don't want to. We can stand here and watch him together. I'll stay here for as long as you need me."
Nodding, he didn't take his eyes off Kei. "Thank you Sora . . . thank you."
Five hours of anxiety and anticipation seem to wear them thin as they sat on the floor. Backs against the wall, Sora rested her head on her knees, staring head at the other wall. Once or twice they would stand up and look in the window. They knew nothing would change, but all they could do was just look. Wrapping her arms around her legs, she let out a sigh. She didn't want to leave him alone, but she had to get home. Her mother didn't like her staying out too late during school days, even though she told her that she's eighteen already.
"You can leave if you want to; I'll call you if something happens." Raiden read her thoughts as he kept his eyes closed, his head rest against the wall behind him.
Turning to him, she didn't want to leave, he needed her right now. "No, I'm going to stay; I don't care if my mother gets angry. You need me right now, she can kill me later."
Just listening to her, he didn't want her to get in trouble. He knew how her mother was, but he didn't want to say anything. "Don't get mad at me when your mom kicks your ass for disobeying her rules."
Chuckling half-heartedly, she knew he was just being sarcastic. "I can handle the old woman, she not that fast."
And everything went silent for a moment as Sora stretched her legs out and push herself up on her feet. She needed to stand up, her body started to become stiff as she looked in the window at Kei. Aquamarine eyes watched sadly as she paid attention to the monitors. Everything was suddenly dropping until it went completely out. Her eyes widen when she saw the red lights flashing on the heart monitor. Loud running footsteps echoed through the hall as doctors and nurses ran passed them and enter the room, where the noise echoed loudly out in the hall. Raiden's eyes snapped opened when he heard the noise and quickly got up. Staring in the window, he saw all the doctors surround the bed as his heart quicken. No, he can't die yet. Rushing to the door, he was stopped by Sora as she wrapped around his waist. Stopping him, he couldn't do anything, it was already too late. Fighting against her, he needed to get in there, he needed to tell Kei goodbye.
"Let me go Sora! Please, he can't die yet!" he screamed, still struggling to get out of her grip.
Tears flow down her cheek, as she held tighter. "Stop it! He's dead Raiden . . . He's dead! It's too late . . . tonight was the night! You can't tell him goodbye."
He stopped moving as he shook his head. He didn't even get to say goodbye. Dropping on the floor in a heap, he broke down. Sora went with him as she grabbed him quickly and held him. This shouldn't have been like this . . . not like this.
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"It's been along time, hasn't it Kei? I know I always promise to come and visit, but I haven't been able to. I'm sorry . . ." Raiden whispered lowly as rain dripped down his body, soaking him to the bone.
"It's been two years since you came and visit anyone Raiden, I thought you forgot about us." a voice approached from behind him, a black umbrella went over his head blocking the rain from touching his body.
Not even turning to see who the person was, he just replied. "I'm sorry also . . . I know I caused a lot of people pain for my sudden departure."
A soft chuckle escaped from the person as footsteps came closer. Crouching down, the umbrella stayed over him as crimson eyes stared at Kei's stone. "It seems like that, everyone always brings pain to others. You are just like my brother, he didn't want to bring you pain but you knew that already didn't you."
Finally turning his head, he looked to see a familiar face he hasn't seen in a long time. Not even smiling, he wondered what she's doing here. "Long time no see . . . Mei. I thought you left Tokyo for good?"
Mei just smiled as blonde hair covered her face. It has been along time since they seen each other, but she was glad to see that he was alive and well. "Well, I did leave Tokyo and moved to beautiful sunny side California. I just came back to visit my family and check up on my brother. What about you, what I heard; you left Tokyo and moved to England."
"I have, but I'm only here on tour with my band. It's not going to be long." he told her as she went to kneel also, not caring about the wet ground.
Her smiled just widen as she nod her head. "That's good, I'm happy you were able to move on. So, do you have someone special?"
Turning from her, he didn't know how to answer her. He had feelings for someone, but it been too long and those feelings will have to be put aside. "I did but like a coward, I ran. He probably moved on and found someone else."
"Ah . . . Shuichi Shindou, such a talented singer. I don't think he would actually forget about you, he's more in denial about his emotions. He was a patient of mines not too long ago, heroine user. Tried to get him to quit, but it's hard to stop something you started after so long."
Silent for a moment, how the hell did she know who he was talking about? He didn't mention any names, but she just came out and said it. Looking at her again, he knew she was lying about coming to visit. "Why did you really return back to Tokyo, Mei?"
"Alright, you got me. I've been here for two years now, working with Shuichi Shindou, former singer of the band Bad Luck. Have you been reading the tabloids lately?"
"Not exactly, I don't have much time for reading now these days. So what's going on?" he knew he was lying, but he just wanted her to tell him what the articles couldn't.
Sighing deeply, her crimson eyes went grave as she looked at him. "Well, once again it seems that every singer goes mad and starts doing something stupid like drugs. Of course, like I told you, he was a patient of mines and he's a heroine user. So not only do I put him through intense hell to make him stop, I also do that whole 'analytically' thing and try to fix the bugs. From what he told me, you are the one to blame for his 'problems'. I always knew you were a heart breaker, Raiden." she laughed softly, finding it rather fun.
To him, it wasn't funny because now he felt even guiltier. He thought what he was going was right, but now he didn't know what to think. "How could you laugh at something like that? I turned him into some druggie and he can't stop. Heroine, do you know what that stuff can do to you if you take too much?"
"Of course I know . . . but it seems he's does too. You should have seen him, he looks so horrible. His arms are all bruised and full of holes. He's so skinny I can see his skeletal structure. He doesn't eat because he can't even keep food down. And during rehab, he cries his heart out while twitching from the side affects of the drug. It's a sad case this one, but I did all I could do."
"All you could do? Mei, no you didn't! You could have helped him more, you know it."
"I know I could, but need I remind you of someone who was just like him. The person who was so heart broken, went through the exact same things. He couldn't control his 'urges' anymore; he was admitted to be in my care. His arms, that once was bare was full of cuts and holes. But now look at him, he was able to by pass all of that and I didn't have anything to do with it."
"Don't bring my past into this! I did what I knew was the only thing to help me. My life was hell and it still is!"
"I guess you are right, it is hell. So why are you still sitting here, sulking about it? Why don't you do something about it, back then you welcome death. Now . . . you welcome pain and darkness. So what is it going to be Raiden? Are you going to bitch and moan over your past or are you going to do something about it. I heard your songs, you haven't said goodbye to Kei because you can't seem to stop thinking about him. I know my brother, and he never loved you. Why do you continue to love him?"
Feeling his jaw locked, he couldn't believe he was sitting here taking all this stuff. Did she truly want him to die? Did she hate him this much? He knew that when Kei die, she told him it was his fault. She blamed him for his death because before Kei even met him, he was alright. Closing his eyes, he felt clouded thoughts ramble as he fought with his emotions. He hated feeling like this, even though he knew the truth. He knew Kei never love him, but he didn't want to believe that. He continued to stay by his side and never leave. He promises to be there for him until his death. He did everything he promised and why does it continue to hurt. He should have been able to move on, but he was stuck within the bounds of hopelessness. He felt hopeless and no one understood.
Mei looked at him with harden eyes as she lit her cigarette. Inhaling deeply, she wanted him to be able to feel this unwanted pain once more. She wanted him to understand his own troubles and stop trying to solve others. He was the one in need, the one who needed to be brought back to reality once more. Blowing out the gray clouds, she her cigarette on the ground, letting the rain extinguish it. She was only here because she promised her brother to watch over him. Of course, she couldn't do it all the time, so she had Sora update her on everything. And right now, she had to do the worst thing impossible, break him further. She knew how much it would hurt him, but this was for the best.
"To love someone who would never love you is stupid, don't you think? The day when my brother died, you couldn't even go in his room and sit by his side. You let him die; knowing that he would never got a chance to at least confess something."
Opening his mouth, he couldn't believe that she's doing this. "I was scared! I couldn't go in there because he looks so helpless and hopeless. Just looking at him made my heart shatter more. You don't understand, I couldn't face him." he expressed his reasons as Mei rolled her eyes, mumbling under her breath.
Bullshit and she knew it. If he loves her brother so damn much, he wouldn't care. "You liar! If you love him so much, why didn't you go in there? You've been with him when he had to go through chemo. You donated bone marrow and blood to him, but you couldn't stand by his side. Bunch of bullshit, I can't believe you."
"I know what I did for him! I just couldn't do that! I love him more than anything! When he died, I wanted to die with him. I didn't want to be alone, but every time I tried, every attempted I'd lived. Don't you there act like it was my fault!" he snapped, feeling compelled with anger and disappointment. He thought she would understand, but she didn't.
Glaring at him once more, she raised her hand and slapped him hard. Just watching as he turned his head, she knew this was going too far, but it had to be done. "It was your fault because you needed him so damn much! You never even consider his feelings, you only thought about yours. Tell me what was so bad about your past that you came and took his future away?"
"I didn't mean to do anything! If I knew I was hurting him that bad, I would have left! Why are you doing this? We are at your brother's grave for god sakes, can't you show some respect?"
"Because . . . this is what he would do. He would poke and poke until you get the picture. Kei may have been my little brother, but I know what he would want. He didn't want you to be with him because he knew you would suffer the worse. But you couldn't take the hint and leave. Now look at you, what are you going to do now?"
"I'm not going to sit here and take this! I know that he never loved me, but I wasn't looking for that. I didn't care; I wanted to be with him because I wanted to. Don't think you know me because you don't. And if you hate me so much, then why did you let me be with him?"
Mei didn't say anything as she watch him stood up, knocking the umbrella from over him. Shaking his head, he did what was right back then. He knew Kei wouldn't want him to witness his death and he obeyed his wishes. She didn't understand that and as he could see she won't. Letting the rain touch him once more, he turned away and walked off. Just watching him leave the cemetery, she faintly smiled turning back to her brother's grave.
"I guess I got a little carried away, didn't I Kei? I hope it was enough to snap him out of his problems. They always say it takes harsh treatment to make someone realize their mistakes."
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
He sat alone on the bench, staring up at the stars that twinkled lonely in the sky. He didn't feel like returning back to the hotel, he knew Faye was there. Feeling at peace with himself, he thought about what happened. He still couldn't believe that confrontation with Mei and the way she treated him. He knew that she was cruel, but she didn't have to bash him like that. Sighing deeply, he shouldn't be thinking about that right now, he had more important matter to attend to. He had a concert in three days and he hasn’t seen his friends and family since then.
"Well . . . speak of the devil. Long time no see . . . Toshiba."
Hearing someone else calls his name, how many damn people knew who he was. Lowering his head and stared at the person who called him, his eyes widen. Violet eyes glint brightly as his body start leaning to the side. Cursing himself slightly, he knew he shouldn't have pick up that needle again, but he needed it. Raiden noticed that something was wrong as he got up from the bench. And at the same time, Shuichi eyes rolled in the back of his head as he slipped into unconsciousness. Falling forward, Raiden caught him in time as he held the man in his arms. Panicking, he looked around for someone to help him.
"Oh my god . . . Shuichi. Someone please help! Help!" he shouted, knowing at least police would wonder the parks at night. Feeling his body becoming heavier, they both end up falling on the ground as the lamp post shines down on them. Wincing, he looked down to make sure Shuichi was alright when he saw it. Mei wasn't lying, he did use drugs. Watching as new bruise formed, red, bleeding cuts went around. "Shuichi . . . what the hell are you doing to yourself? Is this truly because of me?"
TBC
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< b>Author's Note: Bam . . . and it's done. So what do you think? I know I can do better, but that's all I could think of right now. Poor Raiden being bashed out by another character of mines. Then his awkward encounter with Shuichi. I wonder what's going to happen between them. Will Raiden be able to help Shuichi or will it all go down end? Next chapter tells it all.
Upcoming Chapter: Treatment
They say he could die . . .
Death greets him once again . . .
Is this what he truly wants . . .
Death?
Author's Note: More to come . . . enjoy!
"He stares deeply into my eyes and whispers that he loves me. He grabbed my hand tightly and told me to never let go. Leading me down the path of choice, I stare at the fork in the road. Which way should I go?"
Raiden Toshiba, Singer
Chapter Ten: My life . . . my heart . . . my love
[A/N: This is all about Raiden. And I threw in another character, kind of a red herring thing.]
"You have to move on . . . you can't continue to live for me and only me, Raiden."
Everything seemed right from the beginning, everything was perfect. He found the person he love with all his heart and then God took him away. He still couldn't understand why, was this a way to atone for their sins? Shoving his hands into his pocket, Raiden turned the corner of the empty streets and came to his destination. Ahead of him was the cemetery he was so familiar with every time he visits. Coming to a stop, he stared at the huge golden gate that separated him as he could feel the dead of the night calling to him. He needed to get away from everyone; he needed to clear his head. Coming here was the only thing he could do because he knew no one would know where he was.
Reaching for the gate, he pulled it back as it let out a great squeal. Thick gray clouds took over the once blue sky indicating rain. It rains all the time when he comes here; he believes the clouds are also crying with him. Stepping in, his eyes wonder around the cemetery, just staring at the other lost souls who died for unknown reasons. Let the gate go as it shut him in, he walked along the stone path, eyes moving from one tomb stone to another. Stopping short, regardless how many times he's been here, just reading them makes him sadder about life. Staring at one tombstone with a little angel, who wings wrap around the body, hair covers the sadness of the angelic face. 'Aikona Hin, September 3, 1999 - November 27, 2006. May her wings soar higher than the sky'. Feeling completely sad, the girl was only six when she past. It must have upset her parents so much, to lose someone so young and precious. Closing his eyes and saying a small pray he hoped she would soar higher than the sky, just like her parents wished.
Continuing on his way, he saw another one that seems to call out to him also. This one was even younger, it was a little boy. Noticing that the parents put how he passed, he also had leukemia just like Kei. 'Through his eyes, he knew that he couldn't survive, but he always kept a smile.' Just smiling at that, he notice that the boy knew how much it hurts, but always smiled. He couldn't remember if Kei smiled on his final day. Turning passed some more graves; he finally made it to Kei's. Seeing the giant angel standing up as the wings that was once white turned gray and covered with moss. It has been along time since he came and seen him, two years. Looking around it, he saw fresh flowers placed against it. Smiling, he knew Sora or Ayame came and placed it there for him, to pay respect. Sighing deeply, he kneeled on the ground as he just looked at it in silence. It has been along time, he didn't even know where to begin.
Thunder echoed loudly above him as those gray clouds finally release their tears. Coming down heavily, he didn't even bother to move as it covered him. Just watching the water slide down the stone and land on the ground, his smile widen. Just like before, it was raining. Many memories of them together when it rains brought forbidden tears into his eyes. He missed him so much, he wish he could have told him that. He wishes he could have told him goodbye and that he love him. But he didn't because of his fear. He was afraid to face him and he knew that it probably hurt Kei the most.
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~*Five Years Ago*~
"He doesn't have much longer . . . the cancer is spreading fast. He could die tonight or tomorrow morning. Why don't you go in there and say your final goodbyes, Toshiba-san?"
He heard the words, but he couldn't comprehend them. He knew the time had come, but he refuse to believe it. Staring through the one-way window, he watched his lover fight for survival, which he couldn't win. Sora stood behind him, always watching, but didn't say anything. She knew he didn't want to talk about it, but he had too. It was best for the both of them, especially him. Placing his hand on the glass, he felt his heart fall apart into so many pieces, shattering. He promises to not cry when Kei passed away, but right now he had to break it. Tears rolled down his cheek and dripped onto the white floors of the hospital cancer ward as he shook his head.
It was too short, time took everything away. The doctors lied when they said seven months he had left. Kei didn't even make it to five and now he's leaving him. It was too short and he couldn't figure out why the Gods were against him. The doctor looked at him, seeing that he was hurting. Just nodded, he told Sora that they can go in there and talk to him, but he wouldn't be able to speak back. She nodded, approaching next to Raiden, touching his shoulder. Turning away from the window and look to her, he knew he was portraying emotions he promises to never show again. He was scared; he didn't know what to do anymore. His world was slowly crashing and he knew it would have been impossible to rebuild.
"The doctor told us we can go in, but he won't be able to speak. I think it's for the best . . . you have to tell him goodbye." she spoke softly, sympathetically.
Shaking his head, he couldn't go in there; it would only crush him more. He wanted to say his goodbye; he knew it would have been the best but just seeing Kei like that was tearing him apart. "I can't . . . I can't. It hurt seeing him like that, so helpless, so hopeless. It shouldn't have been this way, he should have lived longer like that the doctor said." he whispered as more tears rushed down.
Her eyes turned to the window, looking at Kei. Shaking her head, he did look so helpless. Death slowly approached for him and he couldn't even do anything. Biting her lips, she felt her own tears rose to the surface. She felt helpless also because she couldn't help her best friend. Removing her hand from his shoulder to his, she took it and held it tightly. She wanted him to know that she was here for him and would never leave. Moving closer, she rests her head on his shoulder.
"We don't have to go in if you don't want to. We can stand here and watch him together. I'll stay here for as long as you need me."
Nodding, he didn't take his eyes off Kei. "Thank you Sora . . . thank you."
Five hours of anxiety and anticipation seem to wear them thin as they sat on the floor. Backs against the wall, Sora rested her head on her knees, staring head at the other wall. Once or twice they would stand up and look in the window. They knew nothing would change, but all they could do was just look. Wrapping her arms around her legs, she let out a sigh. She didn't want to leave him alone, but she had to get home. Her mother didn't like her staying out too late during school days, even though she told her that she's eighteen already.
"You can leave if you want to; I'll call you if something happens." Raiden read her thoughts as he kept his eyes closed, his head rest against the wall behind him.
Turning to him, she didn't want to leave, he needed her right now. "No, I'm going to stay; I don't care if my mother gets angry. You need me right now, she can kill me later."
Just listening to her, he didn't want her to get in trouble. He knew how her mother was, but he didn't want to say anything. "Don't get mad at me when your mom kicks your ass for disobeying her rules."
Chuckling half-heartedly, she knew he was just being sarcastic. "I can handle the old woman, she not that fast."
And everything went silent for a moment as Sora stretched her legs out and push herself up on her feet. She needed to stand up, her body started to become stiff as she looked in the window at Kei. Aquamarine eyes watched sadly as she paid attention to the monitors. Everything was suddenly dropping until it went completely out. Her eyes widen when she saw the red lights flashing on the heart monitor. Loud running footsteps echoed through the hall as doctors and nurses ran passed them and enter the room, where the noise echoed loudly out in the hall. Raiden's eyes snapped opened when he heard the noise and quickly got up. Staring in the window, he saw all the doctors surround the bed as his heart quicken. No, he can't die yet. Rushing to the door, he was stopped by Sora as she wrapped around his waist. Stopping him, he couldn't do anything, it was already too late. Fighting against her, he needed to get in there, he needed to tell Kei goodbye.
"Let me go Sora! Please, he can't die yet!" he screamed, still struggling to get out of her grip.
Tears flow down her cheek, as she held tighter. "Stop it! He's dead Raiden . . . He's dead! It's too late . . . tonight was the night! You can't tell him goodbye."
He stopped moving as he shook his head. He didn't even get to say goodbye. Dropping on the floor in a heap, he broke down. Sora went with him as she grabbed him quickly and held him. This shouldn't have been like this . . . not like this.
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"It's been along time, hasn't it Kei? I know I always promise to come and visit, but I haven't been able to. I'm sorry . . ." Raiden whispered lowly as rain dripped down his body, soaking him to the bone.
"It's been two years since you came and visit anyone Raiden, I thought you forgot about us." a voice approached from behind him, a black umbrella went over his head blocking the rain from touching his body.
Not even turning to see who the person was, he just replied. "I'm sorry also . . . I know I caused a lot of people pain for my sudden departure."
A soft chuckle escaped from the person as footsteps came closer. Crouching down, the umbrella stayed over him as crimson eyes stared at Kei's stone. "It seems like that, everyone always brings pain to others. You are just like my brother, he didn't want to bring you pain but you knew that already didn't you."
Finally turning his head, he looked to see a familiar face he hasn't seen in a long time. Not even smiling, he wondered what she's doing here. "Long time no see . . . Mei. I thought you left Tokyo for good?"
Mei just smiled as blonde hair covered her face. It has been along time since they seen each other, but she was glad to see that he was alive and well. "Well, I did leave Tokyo and moved to beautiful sunny side California. I just came back to visit my family and check up on my brother. What about you, what I heard; you left Tokyo and moved to England."
"I have, but I'm only here on tour with my band. It's not going to be long." he told her as she went to kneel also, not caring about the wet ground.
Her smiled just widen as she nod her head. "That's good, I'm happy you were able to move on. So, do you have someone special?"
Turning from her, he didn't know how to answer her. He had feelings for someone, but it been too long and those feelings will have to be put aside. "I did but like a coward, I ran. He probably moved on and found someone else."
"Ah . . . Shuichi Shindou, such a talented singer. I don't think he would actually forget about you, he's more in denial about his emotions. He was a patient of mines not too long ago, heroine user. Tried to get him to quit, but it's hard to stop something you started after so long."
Silent for a moment, how the hell did she know who he was talking about? He didn't mention any names, but she just came out and said it. Looking at her again, he knew she was lying about coming to visit. "Why did you really return back to Tokyo, Mei?"
"Alright, you got me. I've been here for two years now, working with Shuichi Shindou, former singer of the band Bad Luck. Have you been reading the tabloids lately?"
"Not exactly, I don't have much time for reading now these days. So what's going on?" he knew he was lying, but he just wanted her to tell him what the articles couldn't.
Sighing deeply, her crimson eyes went grave as she looked at him. "Well, once again it seems that every singer goes mad and starts doing something stupid like drugs. Of course, like I told you, he was a patient of mines and he's a heroine user. So not only do I put him through intense hell to make him stop, I also do that whole 'analytically' thing and try to fix the bugs. From what he told me, you are the one to blame for his 'problems'. I always knew you were a heart breaker, Raiden." she laughed softly, finding it rather fun.
To him, it wasn't funny because now he felt even guiltier. He thought what he was going was right, but now he didn't know what to think. "How could you laugh at something like that? I turned him into some druggie and he can't stop. Heroine, do you know what that stuff can do to you if you take too much?"
"Of course I know . . . but it seems he's does too. You should have seen him, he looks so horrible. His arms are all bruised and full of holes. He's so skinny I can see his skeletal structure. He doesn't eat because he can't even keep food down. And during rehab, he cries his heart out while twitching from the side affects of the drug. It's a sad case this one, but I did all I could do."
"All you could do? Mei, no you didn't! You could have helped him more, you know it."
"I know I could, but need I remind you of someone who was just like him. The person who was so heart broken, went through the exact same things. He couldn't control his 'urges' anymore; he was admitted to be in my care. His arms, that once was bare was full of cuts and holes. But now look at him, he was able to by pass all of that and I didn't have anything to do with it."
"Don't bring my past into this! I did what I knew was the only thing to help me. My life was hell and it still is!"
"I guess you are right, it is hell. So why are you still sitting here, sulking about it? Why don't you do something about it, back then you welcome death. Now . . . you welcome pain and darkness. So what is it going to be Raiden? Are you going to bitch and moan over your past or are you going to do something about it. I heard your songs, you haven't said goodbye to Kei because you can't seem to stop thinking about him. I know my brother, and he never loved you. Why do you continue to love him?"
Feeling his jaw locked, he couldn't believe he was sitting here taking all this stuff. Did she truly want him to die? Did she hate him this much? He knew that when Kei die, she told him it was his fault. She blamed him for his death because before Kei even met him, he was alright. Closing his eyes, he felt clouded thoughts ramble as he fought with his emotions. He hated feeling like this, even though he knew the truth. He knew Kei never love him, but he didn't want to believe that. He continued to stay by his side and never leave. He promises to be there for him until his death. He did everything he promised and why does it continue to hurt. He should have been able to move on, but he was stuck within the bounds of hopelessness. He felt hopeless and no one understood.
Mei looked at him with harden eyes as she lit her cigarette. Inhaling deeply, she wanted him to be able to feel this unwanted pain once more. She wanted him to understand his own troubles and stop trying to solve others. He was the one in need, the one who needed to be brought back to reality once more. Blowing out the gray clouds, she her cigarette on the ground, letting the rain extinguish it. She was only here because she promised her brother to watch over him. Of course, she couldn't do it all the time, so she had Sora update her on everything. And right now, she had to do the worst thing impossible, break him further. She knew how much it would hurt him, but this was for the best.
"To love someone who would never love you is stupid, don't you think? The day when my brother died, you couldn't even go in his room and sit by his side. You let him die; knowing that he would never got a chance to at least confess something."
Opening his mouth, he couldn't believe that she's doing this. "I was scared! I couldn't go in there because he looks so helpless and hopeless. Just looking at him made my heart shatter more. You don't understand, I couldn't face him." he expressed his reasons as Mei rolled her eyes, mumbling under her breath.
Bullshit and she knew it. If he loves her brother so damn much, he wouldn't care. "You liar! If you love him so much, why didn't you go in there? You've been with him when he had to go through chemo. You donated bone marrow and blood to him, but you couldn't stand by his side. Bunch of bullshit, I can't believe you."
"I know what I did for him! I just couldn't do that! I love him more than anything! When he died, I wanted to die with him. I didn't want to be alone, but every time I tried, every attempted I'd lived. Don't you there act like it was my fault!" he snapped, feeling compelled with anger and disappointment. He thought she would understand, but she didn't.
Glaring at him once more, she raised her hand and slapped him hard. Just watching as he turned his head, she knew this was going too far, but it had to be done. "It was your fault because you needed him so damn much! You never even consider his feelings, you only thought about yours. Tell me what was so bad about your past that you came and took his future away?"
"I didn't mean to do anything! If I knew I was hurting him that bad, I would have left! Why are you doing this? We are at your brother's grave for god sakes, can't you show some respect?"
"Because . . . this is what he would do. He would poke and poke until you get the picture. Kei may have been my little brother, but I know what he would want. He didn't want you to be with him because he knew you would suffer the worse. But you couldn't take the hint and leave. Now look at you, what are you going to do now?"
"I'm not going to sit here and take this! I know that he never loved me, but I wasn't looking for that. I didn't care; I wanted to be with him because I wanted to. Don't think you know me because you don't. And if you hate me so much, then why did you let me be with him?"
Mei didn't say anything as she watch him stood up, knocking the umbrella from over him. Shaking his head, he did what was right back then. He knew Kei wouldn't want him to witness his death and he obeyed his wishes. She didn't understand that and as he could see she won't. Letting the rain touch him once more, he turned away and walked off. Just watching him leave the cemetery, she faintly smiled turning back to her brother's grave.
"I guess I got a little carried away, didn't I Kei? I hope it was enough to snap him out of his problems. They always say it takes harsh treatment to make someone realize their mistakes."
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He sat alone on the bench, staring up at the stars that twinkled lonely in the sky. He didn't feel like returning back to the hotel, he knew Faye was there. Feeling at peace with himself, he thought about what happened. He still couldn't believe that confrontation with Mei and the way she treated him. He knew that she was cruel, but she didn't have to bash him like that. Sighing deeply, he shouldn't be thinking about that right now, he had more important matter to attend to. He had a concert in three days and he hasn’t seen his friends and family since then.
"Well . . . speak of the devil. Long time no see . . . Toshiba."
Hearing someone else calls his name, how many damn people knew who he was. Lowering his head and stared at the person who called him, his eyes widen. Violet eyes glint brightly as his body start leaning to the side. Cursing himself slightly, he knew he shouldn't have pick up that needle again, but he needed it. Raiden noticed that something was wrong as he got up from the bench. And at the same time, Shuichi eyes rolled in the back of his head as he slipped into unconsciousness. Falling forward, Raiden caught him in time as he held the man in his arms. Panicking, he looked around for someone to help him.
"Oh my god . . . Shuichi. Someone please help! Help!" he shouted, knowing at least police would wonder the parks at night. Feeling his body becoming heavier, they both end up falling on the ground as the lamp post shines down on them. Wincing, he looked down to make sure Shuichi was alright when he saw it. Mei wasn't lying, he did use drugs. Watching as new bruise formed, red, bleeding cuts went around. "Shuichi . . . what the hell are you doing to yourself? Is this truly because of me?"
TBC
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< b>Author's Note: Bam . . . and it's done. So what do you think? I know I can do better, but that's all I could think of right now. Poor Raiden being bashed out by another character of mines. Then his awkward encounter with Shuichi. I wonder what's going to happen between them. Will Raiden be able to help Shuichi or will it all go down end? Next chapter tells it all.
Upcoming Chapter: Treatment
They say he could die . . .
Death greets him once again . . .
Is this what he truly wants . . .
Death?