Gravitation Fan Fiction ❯ History Repeating ❯ Chap 3 ( Chapter 3 )
[ Y - Young Adult: Not suitable for readers under 16 ]
By: Gravity-Of-Love 
Yuki's POV.
Anime/Manga: Gravitation Fan Fiction | Genre(s): Drama / Angst | Type: Alternate Universe | Uploaded On: 05.31.2006 | Pages: 2 | Words: 2.7K | Visits: 278 | Status: Work In Progress
Yuki's POV.
Anime/Manga: Gravitation Fan Fiction | Genre(s): Drama / Angst | Type: Alternate Universe | Uploaded On: 05.31.2006 | Pages: 2 | Words: 2.7K | Visits: 278 | Status: Work In Progress
Thanks to those who reviewed, here's chapter three just for you.
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Chapter Three
Yuki (POV)
Well, I guess I have a lot of explaining to do, don’t I? So…I’ll start from the beginning.
Six years ago today, actually, Shuichi and I were at the amusement park, on our date. It was Shuichi’s reward for selling a million copies. It was all K’s idea, but we had fun. Shuichi’s eyes never stopped glowing as we went on all the rides, and had our picture taken together. He was so happy that day, but then I had to go and ruin it. I told Shuichi about my past.
He took it better than I expected. When he went to get us some drinks, I left him. I don’t know what I was thinking, but I knew I had to get away. I felt so guilty and ashamed for leaving Shuichi, I never wanted to hurt him. He deserved so much, but I was too afraid to give it to him. I don’t know what was wrong with me. We had just had the perfect day, and I upped and left him like nothing had happened.
Before I knew what I was doing, I found myself heading towards New York, the place where it happened. As I walked towards the apartment building where the incident happened, a man stumbled and fell in front of me, dropping a gun at my feet. He left, leaving the shiny piece of dangerous metal. I don’t know why I picked it up.
To be honest, I don’t know if I would have gone through with killing myself as I sat in the abandoned apartment. I sat with my back against the wall, thinking about a lot of things. As I put a cigarette to my lips, I pulled out my lighter, freezing when I caught sight of the print club photo we had taken together. I guess the thing that saved me was Shuichi’s face as it flashed through my mind. His big purple eyes, always shining brightly… his cute smile.
I think back then I made up my mind, I was going to go back to him. I had one more place I wanted to go to, then I would go back to Japan.
Tohma found me as I was at Kitazawa’s grave, and we talked briefly. I told him I was going back to Shuichi. He wasn’t happy, but I didn’t give him a chance to try and talk me out of it. I don’t know what happened, but I never got around to returning to Japan after leaving the cemetery. I went to a hotel, and I was still there a week later.
I think maybe deep down, I was disappointed that Shuichi didn’t come after me. He always chased after me, but because he didn’t come, I guess it had an impact on my decision to stay in New York.
And that’s where I stayed for the last six years… it was hard. All I wanted was my brat, but pride got in my way, it wouldn’t let me go back to him. I didn’t want to be vulnerable, so I stayed away. And it was the worst decision I have ever made.
I didn’t do much. I found a small apartment, and stayed in most of the time, just writing mostly… getting drunk and not looking after myself. I never went out with other people. I had offers from a lot of women and a few men, but I didn’t go with any of them. It would have felt like I was betraying Shuichi.
It was the longest six years of my life. About two months ago, I had finally had enough. I wanted to go home. I want to be surrounded by people I knew, which is unusual because when I was in Japan, I didn’t socialise. I knew it was Shuichi I was going back for.
I prayed he hadn’t moved on. Everytime I called Tohma, he kept me informed, telling me Shuichi was doing fine. I just wish I could say the same for me. I wasn’t doing fine, that was why I going home.
I called Tohma a week before I got on the plane. He was distant, which made me worry. He assured me Shuichi was fine, but he was acting strange, and Tohma doesn’t act strange. I was more than worried when I arrived in his office this afternoon.
I watched Tohma carefully, and he seemed agitated. He stood for a moment, before shaking my hand and waving his hand for me to sit down. He didn’t look much different from when I saw him last, just a little tired and stressed.
I really hope he wasn’t hiding anything from me. Before we could get into a conversation the phone rang, and he answered it in a way I have never heard him answer it before, he’s usually very polite on the phone. I guess he has changed in these last six years.
“Please tell me the man wasn’t under-aged? That would be all we need, Shuichi’s name plastered in the paper for sleeping with a child.”
I jumped as Tohma said that. What the hell? What was going on? I was really hoping Shuichi hadn’t moved on, but I guess it was just wishful thinking.
“Thank you for calling, I’ll be heading over to his place soon. You might as well go home, Shuichi will have drunk himself into unconsciousness by now.”
As Tohma put the phone down, I wondered when Shuichi had started drinking, and I also wondered if this was my fault. I was more than worried about the brat. As Tohma met my eyes, I don’t know what he saw in them, but I noticed he winced slightly.
“What’s going on with Shuichi? When I called you said he was all right.” I said.
“I’m sorry Eiri, but I can’t tell you. I never told Shuichi about your past, so if Shuichi wants to tell you his, he will. Now if you’ll excuse me I have to head to the store, and then go and see Shuichi.”
Now why would Tohma be going to see Shuichi? This was all a little weird and I wanted answers. I know I didn’t actually deserve them, but I needed them. When Tohma stood up and put his jacket on, I stood up too.
“I’m coming, I want to see him.” I say.He didn’t bother to argue with me, he knew he would lose. He also looked to tired to argue.
We left his office and headed out of NG. We went in my car, honestly I didn’t think it was a good idea having him drive. He would probably fall asleep at the wheel. We stopped off at the store where Tohma bought some groceries and a carton of cigarettes… strange.
--
When we stopped outside of Shuichi’s door, I watched Tohma as he opened the door with his own key. I wondered again what was going on. After taking off our shoes, we step into the front room, which looked like a tip, with beer cans strewn across the floor.
Tohma sighed as he walked over to the window and opened the curtains, and then the balcony doors. As Tohma walked towards the kitchen, a door opened and a young red headed guy walks, well hobbles, out and smiles at us. I want more than anything to hit him. Tohma and I watch as he put his shoes on, then leaves. Once again, I look at Tohma, wanting to know what’s going on, but he doesn’t answer me.
I just stand there and watch as Tohma cleans the place up. I can’t take it anymore, I take a few steps towards my brother-in-law.
“Tohma, what the hell is going on?”
“Like I said, I can’t tell you. Just please stop asking me.” I raise my eyebrows as he snaps.
I watch him as he opens the door the young man come out of, and I feel my heart beat hard against my chest as I hear Shuichi telling Tohma to fuck off. A moment later, Tohma walks out supporting Shuichi, and settling him on the couch.
Shuichi looks good, his midnight blue hair suits him, and he looks more grown up. He’d lost his childlike look. When he makes eye contact with me, he does nothing. I find it uncomfortable as he just looks at me.
He breaks eye contact, and looks at Tohma, who shakes his head, and walks into the kitchen. Once again I really want to know what’s going on. I sit down, and just look at the brat, but he’s ignoring me.
I want him to talk to me, but I’m afraid about what he might say. Suddenly he frowns as he looks around, his hand running along the back of the couch. He lifts a couple of magazines up, and groans. I want to ask him what’s wrong, but once again, I’m afraid of the answer.
He slumps back against the couch, his head falling back. He looks at me like he wants to ask me something, instead he turns his head towards the kitchen.
“Tohma.” He whines.
Tohma walks back in with a cup of coffee which he places on the table in front of Shuichi, he then gives him a pack of cigarettes. I’m surprised as Shuichi lights one.
“I love you, Tohma.” He slurs.
“I love you too, Shuichi.” Tohma says, patting him on the head.
I swallow the lump in my throat, I really hope that wasn’t what I think. They better not be lovers. Tohma looks at me and I glare at him, so he glares back. Shuichi’s laughter snaps us out of it. The look on Tohma’s face surprises me, it’s a mixture of happiness, sadness and longing.
--
I can’t believe how speechless I feel, just sitting here in Shuichi’s front room, watching as Tohma sobers him up. The transformation was actually very disconcerting. One minute Shuichi was like he usually was. Happy, annoying, and whiny. But now he looks annoyed, he’s glaring at everything, and his eyes have that dead look that mine have. It’s like he’s a completely different person, someone I don’t know. Well…I guess I don’t know him anymore. I know something has happened and I hate being out of the loop.
I watch as Shuichi and Tohma sit close together on the couch. When Shuichi takes Tohma’s hand, I glare at my brother-in-law. Switching my gaze to Shuichi, I watch as a mixture of emotions flicker across his face, it looks like he’s having trouble with something.
“How about I make dinner?” Tohma asks.
Shuichi just shrugs, Tohma nods his head and gets off the couch and walks into the kitchen. I sit for a moment, before following him into the kitchen.
“Are you and Shuichi together?” I ask, trying to keep myself calm, I don’t want to let Tohma know how afraid I feel.
“No Eiri, we’re not together. If you had paid attention when you called me, you would know I am still married to your sister…it’s complicated. I can’t tell you, if Shuichi wants to tell you he will. And if your serious about getting him back, be patient.”
Be patient… he should know most of all, that I am the most impatient person in the world. How can he say that to me? Oh kami-sama, I’m spazzing out. I lean against the wall and watch Tohma cook.
--
After eating in uncomfortable silence, Shuichi looks tired. He rests his head against Tohma’s shoulder, and falls asleep.
I once again feel useless as Tohma picks Shuichi up and takes him into his bedroom. He comes back a few moments later, and starts clearing the plates away. I follow him into the kitchen. He looks at me and sighs.
“When you left, Shuichi took it pretty hard. He lost his will to live, and he wouldn’t leave your apartment. Hiro told me when he used to go over there, he would see Shuichi laying in your bed, wearing one of your shirts.
“He didn’t come to work. He lost his inspiration, and he wouldn’t sing. He was slowly spiralling out of control. He drank too much, and he started smoking. He was also starving himself, and he became anorexic. He wouldn’t listen to Hiro, or Ryuichi. One night, I went over to see him. He wouldn’t listen at first, but I slowly made progress. I don’t know what made him listen to me, but I made the most of it. I got him help. I persuaded him to admit himself into a hospital to help with his eating disorder.
“When he was released, he looked better, but he still wouldn’t sing. I helped him move out of your apartment, and got him to move into his own. I don’t know when he became to depend on me, but he needs me. He still wont talk to Hiro about what happened.
“We developed a bond, and he told me he loved me, but not that way. He told me he loved me like a brother, I told him I felt the same way. So I make sure I’m here for him when he needs me. I even taught him how to cook.” He pauses to smile for a moment. “It was fun. He was terrible at the beginning, he had to have his kitchen re-decorated a few times.”
He pauses again, and I realise how much I’ve hurt Shuichi. I don’t feel like I did when I first entered this apartment. I feel grateful that Tohma looked after Shuichi. But now that I think about it, it will probably be harder to get Shuichi back into my life. I snap myself out of my daze as Tohma continues.
“After about three years, I got Bad Luck a tour in America. A long tour, where they would be away for a year. I thought it would do Shuichi good to get away for a while. I just wish… anyway, what happened in America is the thing I can’t tell you about. When Shuichi’s ready, he will tell you. What happened in America was really bad, it turned him into what he is now. He has withdrawn into himself more, all that work I did to help him was lost. He became cold-hearted. He doesn’t trust easily anymore, and he won’t let anyone into his life, that’s why he sleeps around, picking up anything that walks.”
I swallow another painful lump in my throat and wonder what happened to him in America. It has to be bad to make him what he is now, and sleeping around just isn’t him.
I sigh. This is going to be hard.
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Thanks for reading, and please review to let me know what you think. Next chapter up soon.
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Chapter Three
Yuki (POV)
Well, I guess I have a lot of explaining to do, don’t I? So…I’ll start from the beginning.
Six years ago today, actually, Shuichi and I were at the amusement park, on our date. It was Shuichi’s reward for selling a million copies. It was all K’s idea, but we had fun. Shuichi’s eyes never stopped glowing as we went on all the rides, and had our picture taken together. He was so happy that day, but then I had to go and ruin it. I told Shuichi about my past.
He took it better than I expected. When he went to get us some drinks, I left him. I don’t know what I was thinking, but I knew I had to get away. I felt so guilty and ashamed for leaving Shuichi, I never wanted to hurt him. He deserved so much, but I was too afraid to give it to him. I don’t know what was wrong with me. We had just had the perfect day, and I upped and left him like nothing had happened.
Before I knew what I was doing, I found myself heading towards New York, the place where it happened. As I walked towards the apartment building where the incident happened, a man stumbled and fell in front of me, dropping a gun at my feet. He left, leaving the shiny piece of dangerous metal. I don’t know why I picked it up.
To be honest, I don’t know if I would have gone through with killing myself as I sat in the abandoned apartment. I sat with my back against the wall, thinking about a lot of things. As I put a cigarette to my lips, I pulled out my lighter, freezing when I caught sight of the print club photo we had taken together. I guess the thing that saved me was Shuichi’s face as it flashed through my mind. His big purple eyes, always shining brightly… his cute smile.
I think back then I made up my mind, I was going to go back to him. I had one more place I wanted to go to, then I would go back to Japan.
Tohma found me as I was at Kitazawa’s grave, and we talked briefly. I told him I was going back to Shuichi. He wasn’t happy, but I didn’t give him a chance to try and talk me out of it. I don’t know what happened, but I never got around to returning to Japan after leaving the cemetery. I went to a hotel, and I was still there a week later.
I think maybe deep down, I was disappointed that Shuichi didn’t come after me. He always chased after me, but because he didn’t come, I guess it had an impact on my decision to stay in New York.
And that’s where I stayed for the last six years… it was hard. All I wanted was my brat, but pride got in my way, it wouldn’t let me go back to him. I didn’t want to be vulnerable, so I stayed away. And it was the worst decision I have ever made.
I didn’t do much. I found a small apartment, and stayed in most of the time, just writing mostly… getting drunk and not looking after myself. I never went out with other people. I had offers from a lot of women and a few men, but I didn’t go with any of them. It would have felt like I was betraying Shuichi.
It was the longest six years of my life. About two months ago, I had finally had enough. I wanted to go home. I want to be surrounded by people I knew, which is unusual because when I was in Japan, I didn’t socialise. I knew it was Shuichi I was going back for.
I prayed he hadn’t moved on. Everytime I called Tohma, he kept me informed, telling me Shuichi was doing fine. I just wish I could say the same for me. I wasn’t doing fine, that was why I going home.
I called Tohma a week before I got on the plane. He was distant, which made me worry. He assured me Shuichi was fine, but he was acting strange, and Tohma doesn’t act strange. I was more than worried when I arrived in his office this afternoon.
I watched Tohma carefully, and he seemed agitated. He stood for a moment, before shaking my hand and waving his hand for me to sit down. He didn’t look much different from when I saw him last, just a little tired and stressed.
I really hope he wasn’t hiding anything from me. Before we could get into a conversation the phone rang, and he answered it in a way I have never heard him answer it before, he’s usually very polite on the phone. I guess he has changed in these last six years.
“Please tell me the man wasn’t under-aged? That would be all we need, Shuichi’s name plastered in the paper for sleeping with a child.”
I jumped as Tohma said that. What the hell? What was going on? I was really hoping Shuichi hadn’t moved on, but I guess it was just wishful thinking.
“Thank you for calling, I’ll be heading over to his place soon. You might as well go home, Shuichi will have drunk himself into unconsciousness by now.”
As Tohma put the phone down, I wondered when Shuichi had started drinking, and I also wondered if this was my fault. I was more than worried about the brat. As Tohma met my eyes, I don’t know what he saw in them, but I noticed he winced slightly.
“What’s going on with Shuichi? When I called you said he was all right.” I said.
“I’m sorry Eiri, but I can’t tell you. I never told Shuichi about your past, so if Shuichi wants to tell you his, he will. Now if you’ll excuse me I have to head to the store, and then go and see Shuichi.”
Now why would Tohma be going to see Shuichi? This was all a little weird and I wanted answers. I know I didn’t actually deserve them, but I needed them. When Tohma stood up and put his jacket on, I stood up too.
“I’m coming, I want to see him.” I say.He didn’t bother to argue with me, he knew he would lose. He also looked to tired to argue.
We left his office and headed out of NG. We went in my car, honestly I didn’t think it was a good idea having him drive. He would probably fall asleep at the wheel. We stopped off at the store where Tohma bought some groceries and a carton of cigarettes… strange.
--
When we stopped outside of Shuichi’s door, I watched Tohma as he opened the door with his own key. I wondered again what was going on. After taking off our shoes, we step into the front room, which looked like a tip, with beer cans strewn across the floor.
Tohma sighed as he walked over to the window and opened the curtains, and then the balcony doors. As Tohma walked towards the kitchen, a door opened and a young red headed guy walks, well hobbles, out and smiles at us. I want more than anything to hit him. Tohma and I watch as he put his shoes on, then leaves. Once again, I look at Tohma, wanting to know what’s going on, but he doesn’t answer me.
I just stand there and watch as Tohma cleans the place up. I can’t take it anymore, I take a few steps towards my brother-in-law.
“Tohma, what the hell is going on?”
“Like I said, I can’t tell you. Just please stop asking me.” I raise my eyebrows as he snaps.
I watch him as he opens the door the young man come out of, and I feel my heart beat hard against my chest as I hear Shuichi telling Tohma to fuck off. A moment later, Tohma walks out supporting Shuichi, and settling him on the couch.
Shuichi looks good, his midnight blue hair suits him, and he looks more grown up. He’d lost his childlike look. When he makes eye contact with me, he does nothing. I find it uncomfortable as he just looks at me.
He breaks eye contact, and looks at Tohma, who shakes his head, and walks into the kitchen. Once again I really want to know what’s going on. I sit down, and just look at the brat, but he’s ignoring me.
I want him to talk to me, but I’m afraid about what he might say. Suddenly he frowns as he looks around, his hand running along the back of the couch. He lifts a couple of magazines up, and groans. I want to ask him what’s wrong, but once again, I’m afraid of the answer.
He slumps back against the couch, his head falling back. He looks at me like he wants to ask me something, instead he turns his head towards the kitchen.
“Tohma.” He whines.
Tohma walks back in with a cup of coffee which he places on the table in front of Shuichi, he then gives him a pack of cigarettes. I’m surprised as Shuichi lights one.
“I love you, Tohma.” He slurs.
“I love you too, Shuichi.” Tohma says, patting him on the head.
I swallow the lump in my throat, I really hope that wasn’t what I think. They better not be lovers. Tohma looks at me and I glare at him, so he glares back. Shuichi’s laughter snaps us out of it. The look on Tohma’s face surprises me, it’s a mixture of happiness, sadness and longing.
--
I can’t believe how speechless I feel, just sitting here in Shuichi’s front room, watching as Tohma sobers him up. The transformation was actually very disconcerting. One minute Shuichi was like he usually was. Happy, annoying, and whiny. But now he looks annoyed, he’s glaring at everything, and his eyes have that dead look that mine have. It’s like he’s a completely different person, someone I don’t know. Well…I guess I don’t know him anymore. I know something has happened and I hate being out of the loop.
I watch as Shuichi and Tohma sit close together on the couch. When Shuichi takes Tohma’s hand, I glare at my brother-in-law. Switching my gaze to Shuichi, I watch as a mixture of emotions flicker across his face, it looks like he’s having trouble with something.
“How about I make dinner?” Tohma asks.
Shuichi just shrugs, Tohma nods his head and gets off the couch and walks into the kitchen. I sit for a moment, before following him into the kitchen.
“Are you and Shuichi together?” I ask, trying to keep myself calm, I don’t want to let Tohma know how afraid I feel.
“No Eiri, we’re not together. If you had paid attention when you called me, you would know I am still married to your sister…it’s complicated. I can’t tell you, if Shuichi wants to tell you he will. And if your serious about getting him back, be patient.”
Be patient… he should know most of all, that I am the most impatient person in the world. How can he say that to me? Oh kami-sama, I’m spazzing out. I lean against the wall and watch Tohma cook.
--
After eating in uncomfortable silence, Shuichi looks tired. He rests his head against Tohma’s shoulder, and falls asleep.
I once again feel useless as Tohma picks Shuichi up and takes him into his bedroom. He comes back a few moments later, and starts clearing the plates away. I follow him into the kitchen. He looks at me and sighs.
“When you left, Shuichi took it pretty hard. He lost his will to live, and he wouldn’t leave your apartment. Hiro told me when he used to go over there, he would see Shuichi laying in your bed, wearing one of your shirts.
“He didn’t come to work. He lost his inspiration, and he wouldn’t sing. He was slowly spiralling out of control. He drank too much, and he started smoking. He was also starving himself, and he became anorexic. He wouldn’t listen to Hiro, or Ryuichi. One night, I went over to see him. He wouldn’t listen at first, but I slowly made progress. I don’t know what made him listen to me, but I made the most of it. I got him help. I persuaded him to admit himself into a hospital to help with his eating disorder.
“When he was released, he looked better, but he still wouldn’t sing. I helped him move out of your apartment, and got him to move into his own. I don’t know when he became to depend on me, but he needs me. He still wont talk to Hiro about what happened.
“We developed a bond, and he told me he loved me, but not that way. He told me he loved me like a brother, I told him I felt the same way. So I make sure I’m here for him when he needs me. I even taught him how to cook.” He pauses to smile for a moment. “It was fun. He was terrible at the beginning, he had to have his kitchen re-decorated a few times.”
He pauses again, and I realise how much I’ve hurt Shuichi. I don’t feel like I did when I first entered this apartment. I feel grateful that Tohma looked after Shuichi. But now that I think about it, it will probably be harder to get Shuichi back into my life. I snap myself out of my daze as Tohma continues.
“After about three years, I got Bad Luck a tour in America. A long tour, where they would be away for a year. I thought it would do Shuichi good to get away for a while. I just wish… anyway, what happened in America is the thing I can’t tell you about. When Shuichi’s ready, he will tell you. What happened in America was really bad, it turned him into what he is now. He has withdrawn into himself more, all that work I did to help him was lost. He became cold-hearted. He doesn’t trust easily anymore, and he won’t let anyone into his life, that’s why he sleeps around, picking up anything that walks.”
I swallow another painful lump in my throat and wonder what happened to him in America. It has to be bad to make him what he is now, and sleeping around just isn’t him.
I sigh. This is going to be hard.
--
Thanks for reading, and please review to let me know what you think. Next chapter up soon.