Gravitation Fan Fiction ❯ In Love and Hate ❯ Truth, Lies, and Confrontation... ( Chapter 3 )

Gomen that this took so long for me to finish and post!!! I've been so freakin' busy the past couple weeks that it's not even funny. I do have good news, though! No, I didn't save a bunch of money on my car insurance by switching to Geico, but I did get the last volume of the series on Thursday so I can officially say that I've seen the whole series!!! Yay! I'm so excited. I didn't like the ending, though.

 

Disclaimer: I don't own Yuki or Ryuichi or Shu-chan or…anything. **sob** But a girl can dream, right? Oh, yeah. The first song that is used to complete the album is a mixed English/Italian version of “Senzafine” (“Never-ending” in English) by Lacuna Coil, which means that I don't own it. The original song is in complete Italian but I figured it would be better to have it mixed so that Shu could sing in English and Ben could do the Latin. I know that it sounds kinda feminine, but if you don't like it poo on you `cause it's my favorite song.

 

Truth, Lies, and Confrontation

 

An auburn-haired man sat alone in a dark room that was only illuminated by the spontaneous flashes of lightning that shot across the sky, sobs violently shaking his body while he worried about his friend. He had tried his hardest not to worry about Shuichi, but he couldn't stop thinking that Shuichi had started hurting himself again. He had seen Shuichi wince and the sorrow in the man's eyes when he had been asked to take off his jacket was more than enough proof, but why was Shuichi lying to him?

 

Does he not trust me? he thought. He probably thinks that I'll freak on him again.

 

Outside he heard someone enter his house and call out. Ayaka was home from work and here he was, alone in his room bawling his eyes out like a little girl. Great, just great.

 

“Hiro, where are you?” she yelled, walking throughout the apartment to find him.

 

“Hold on a sec, I'm coming,” he shouted back and did his best to wipe his eyes before meeting her in the hall.

 

“You okay?” she asked.

 

No.

 

“Yeah, I'm fine,” he said and kissed her softly. “Confused, but fine.”

 

“Confused about what? Have you been crying?”

 

“No, I'm just tired. I had a long day.”

 

“If you say so,” Ayaka said and shook her head. “Hey! I saw you all on tv today. Shuichi's new song is depressing enough, huh? I guess he found out.”

 

“Found what out?”

 

How could she possibly know what his problem is?

 

“Oh, he didn't tell you? Eiri's back,” she said and walked into the kitchen.

 

“WHAT? He's back? Since when?” Hiro yelled.

 

“He got back last night. Touma told me. He was the only person who knew. He didn't even tell Tatsuha.”

 

“I'll kill him,” Hiro said and walked toward the door, only stopped by the light grip on the back of his shirt.

 

“You never answered my first question?” she said softly and pulled him into the kitchen. “What're you confused about?”

 

Hiro shook his head, hiding himself under another layer of his protective shell. He didn't want Ayaka to pry, she understood that much, and so she didn't.

 

Ayaka sighed and stood up from the small table. “Just promise that you'll tell me when you're ready, Hiro. I don't like it when you act like this.”

 

“I promise. I would tell you now, it's just that I don't know if he's doing it or not and I don't want to blame him for something that he's not doing. That just wouldn't be right,” Hiro whispered.

 

Ayaka knew who this `he' was and got the gist of what this `he' was doing and why Hiro was so worried. Shuichi was Hiro's best friend and she knew that if anything ever happened to him he would just die.

 

“What do you want to eat, Hiro?” she asked and searched the cabinets.

 

“Nothing, I'm not hungry.”

 

“I'm cooking.”

 

“I'm still not hungry,” Hiro muttered and left the kitchen without a backwards glance to isolate himself in his room again.

 

Ayaka sighed slightly at her boyfriend's obvious depression, but knew better than to pry. She pried last time something had happened between him and Shuichi and found herself without a boyfriend for a year. Not a fun experience, especially when she had to return home.

 

Once she knew that Hiro was locked in his room and not planning on coming out again for a while, Ayaka picked up the phone and hit the first number on speed dial.

 

The familiar voice answered, layered with sleep, but she didn't care.

 

“We need to talk. Now.”

 

-------------

 

 

Shuichi stood alone under a small overhang in the cold, dark park, freezing his ass off and cursing at Hiro's inconsiderate girlfriend. Why Ayaka had called him so late and asked him to meet him in the park, he didn't know, but if she didn't arrive soon he was going to leave. It was just above freezing and rain was falling in sheets. This combined with the thunder and lightning that randomly decided to make their presence known didn't help to improve Shuichi's mood at all.

 

He was still an emotional wreck from his talk with Tatsuha, and even though he hadn't been able to sleep very well he still thought it was rude for Ayaka to have called him past midnight. He had to be at the studio by eight tomorrow morning to record the last two songs for their album and he really wasn't hoping for a repeat of the day before. Besides, they had all already made plans to go out and celebrate together later on that night and he didn't want to fall asleep and miss all of the fun.

 

He pulled his jacket around him tighter as footsteps came quietly around the corner and turned to see Ayaka walking up to him. She was angry and he braced himself to be smacked in the face like usual when she was mad at him, but he was lucky. Ayaka stopped a few feet away from him and he saw a tear fall from one of her blue eyes as she opened her mouth to speak.

 

“Why won't you tell Hiro the truth? Isn't he supposed to be your friend? He's worried sick about you and has been locked up in his room crying all afternoon. He doesn't deserve what you're doing to him,” she whispered.

 

“I don't know what you're talking about,” Shuichi lied, he should have known that Ayaka would butt in somehow.

 

“Don't lie to me, Shuichi. You know damn well what I'm talking about.”

 

“It's better this way,” he muttered and stared at the swings as they swayed ever so slightly in the breeze. “If I tell him I'll just end up hurting him again. God, I hate how you can read between the lines so well. You always were a pain in the ass when me and Yuki used to fight.”

 

Ayaka let out a half laugh, half cough and shook her head. “No, you were just too easy to read back when you were with Yuki. Now, however, you're the hardest person to read, but Hiro…. He is easy to read only when he's worried about someone like he is worried about you. When you started to cut after Eiri left we were all afraid that you were doing it so that you could prepare yourself for suicide, but Tatsuha saved you. But what will save you this time, Shuichi, if Tatsuha fails?”

 

Shuichi closed his eyes and sighed in defeat. The last thing Tatsuha would do would be to let himself fail, he knew that, but Ayaka's words always ended up being bad omens. God, I wish Tatsuha would have just let me fall. I really don't need this.

 

“I'm not suicidal, Ayaka. Yes, I do know that Eiri is back and, yes, he is one of the reasons that I started up again, but Hiro doesn't need to know that he's back.”

 

Ayaka lifted her face to look at Shuichi, a glint of defiance shining in her eyes. “I already told him.”

 

“N-nani?” Shuichi stuttered. “Why? What did he say?”

 

“He said `I'll kill him' but I stopped him and made him stay. Now, he's returned to his room and isolated himself from me. I hate seeing so Hiro upset, especially when it's you who has upset him, so please talk to him. If you don't, I will.”

 

“Talk away,” Shuichi said and turned his back on Ayaka. “Self-mutilation isn't exactly a subject that you can just slip into everyday conversation, Ayaka, and was hard enough for me to tell Tatsuha about it. I would love to be able to tell him myself, but it's difficult.”

 

Ayaka watched as Shuichi walked off in the direction of his car and pulled her jacket tighter around her body before returning home. Tomorrow was going to be an interesting day.

 

-------------

 

 

“Who's ready to finish an album?” Ben yelled as everyone filed into the recording studio, a little peeved when no one answered. “I said, who's ready to finish an album?!”

 

“We are,” Shuichi mumbled and shook his fists in the air slightly in sarcasm.

 

“Who died and gave Shu-chan their sense of humor?” Ben joked and elbowed Shuichi in the side. “What's up?”

 

Shuichi shook his head and Ben knew better than to ask questions. “Okay…if you say so,” he said and plopped down on the couch.

 

“All we have to do is record the arrangement for `Senzafine' and then it's up to Shuichi and Ben from there,” Suguru said. “No pressure.”

 

“Why did you even come, Suguru?” Ben asked. “Since `Senzafine' is acoustic and Shu and Hiro are doing that and the lyrics are all mostly Shu, you don't have anything to do. We could have just called you when we were done and you could have met us at the club.”

 

“True, but I want to make sure that it's done right. I'm posing as both K and Sakano today, so don't mess up.”

 

“Now that's a pair of personalities that I would not want to see in one person!” Hiro laughed and picked up his guitar. “Come on, Shuichi.”

 

Shuichi picked up his guitar and followed Hiro into the booth. It took three tries to get the arrangement to satisfy everyone, and then Hiro was switched out for Ben so he and Shuichi could record the lyrics.

 

“Ready?” Ben asked with a smile.

 

“As I'll ever be; at least I'm not doing the Italian.”

 

Ben laughed and they both gave Suguru a thumbs up to start the music.

 

Shuichi waited for his part as the guitars played through his headphones and started to belt out the lyrics.

 

My time moves slowly
Gliding across the veil of my nude skin
If I should cross the border you made for me
Maybe I would not be here

 

But now what sense does it make
To try and embrace a more pristine past
Looking forward I will take the risk
but I'll finally find the answers to my why's

 

Shuichi shrank back and Ben came forward and belted out the Italian like it was his mother tongue.

 

Tutto ciò che sarai
era già stato scritto
se davvero esiste
questo dio ha fallito

 

Ogni prola pronunciata
sarà lo speccho del tuo dolore
riflette la colpa
alimenta l'odio

 

Shuichi was back again and Ben joined in a few times with some background lyrics.

 

Mother (Madre)

 

I'll choose my destiny
If I'm able to resist

 

I'm still standing in this moment of pure madness
I don't know anymore if I should desire good or evil
Although sin maybe gives me more

 

Now what sense does it make
To try and resist a written destiny
I'm not going to sit back and watch
Without trying to resist you

 

Waking me up (Risvegliarmi)

 

Mother (Madre)

 

I'll choose my destiny
If I'm able to resist

 

Wake me up (risvegliami)

 

There's no life without me
There's no choice without me

 

They wrapped up the song, and when played back they decided that it was fine the way that it was and no corrections needed to be made. Shuichi returned into the booth and let the headphones hug his ears again before shouting out to the others.

 

“Hey, guys. Could you turn the lights out in here, please?”

 

“Whatever you want,” Ben yelled over the intercom and the room went dark.

 

Shuichi closed his eyes and concentrated on the lyrics to “Razor's Edge.” He had asked Ben to down the lights because he knew that no matter how hard he tried he was going to end up breaking down while singing. After all the years of singing about love when he wasn't loved himself he had learned to mask his tears and keep his voice as normal as possible while singing so the others wouldn't realize that he was crying.

 

He snapped his fingers twice to let the others know that he was ready and sighed slightly as the music started to play through the headphones.

 

The lyrics poured from his mouth and he actually managed to keep his tears under control. The only emotions he poured into the song were rage and hate. Hate at himself for being so stupid and vulnerable, rage at himself for writing the song about the person that he had. He didn't have to force himself to scream the fourth angry verse; he allowed his rage to pour out, but when the last verse came around he couldn't hold his tears in any longer. The twin rivers of hate and betrayal flowed out along with the lyrics and he barely acknowledged the yells and clapping that came from the studio on the other side of the glass.

 

He rapped up the song and asked Ben and Suguru to leave the lights dimmed and just play the song back through the headphones. They complied willingly enough and Shuichi listened to himself sing, less than satisfied when he noticed that the last lyrics were laced with sobs.

 

“I wanna redo the last verse,” he yelled through the intercom.

 

“Really? Man, that was the best one!” Hiro replied. He didn't have to hear the song to know that Shuichi had been crying. He had seen the man wipe his tears away when he was finished and, now that he understood who the song was about, he grew even angrier at himself for being so blind.

 

“I wanna redo the last verse,” Shuichi repeated. “I don't like it, I could have done better.”

 

“Alright,” Hiro said and Suguru set it up so that they could redo it.

 

Four tries and an hour later, Shuichi finally left the booth and was greeted by three very enthusiastic band mates.

 

“Album's finally done!” Ben yelled and clapped him on the back. “You did awesome recording `Razor's Edge.' I dunno why you wanted to redo it so many times.”

 

Shuichi shrugged him away and made for the exit. “I'll be back in a second,” he mumbled and left.

 

“I think someone's having a bad day,” Ben muttered and watched as Hiro followed Shuichi out of the room.

 

-------------

 

Shuichi left and Hiro followed. He knew that his friend would want to be alone right now, but he was afraid that Shuichi might do something. It sucks, always being paranoid that your friend is going to kill himself at any second. That's how he felt last time and how he didn't want to feel this time, but he couldn't ignore a hunch whenever he had one.

 

He kept his distance and followed Shuichi to the bathroom. He entered and faintly heard Shuichi whispering the lyrics to another one of their songs. “Alone” was Shuichi's most prized song, and most depressing, and Hiro stiffened at the part of the song that he entered in upon.

 

Die, I die alone
bleeding on the cold linoleum floor
I try to call you for help
but my throat hurts too much…
I die alone

 

“Shuichi,” he muttered. “I want to talk to you.”

 

No reply. Shuichi continued singing the last verse of the song, and Hiro got down and looked under the stall doors to find which one his friend was in. He saw Shuichi's Chuck's and disposed hoodie lying underneath the last door and knocked on it lightly.

 

“Please, Shuichi. Ayaka told me about seeing you this morning and I just want to talk to you about it,” he whispered and sighed quietly as Shuichi unlocked the door but didn't leave.

 

“You're mad, I know you are,” Shuichi muttered, “and although I understand why, please don't yell at me. I really don't need it right now.”

 

“I wasn't going to yell, Shuichi. I just want to understand why you do it. Ayaka told me that Eiri Yuki is back, but that isn't a good enough reason for you to go and start cutting yourself again.”

 

Shuichi sighed and walked from the stall to the sink. Hiro saw the blood on his friend's arm and quickly diverted his eyes to look at the mirror. “He kissed me,” Shuichi choked out as he washed away the blood. “He had me pinned against the wall, and I started to remember. I thought he was going to hit me, but he kissed me.”

 

“That bastard,” Hiro growled and punched the wall. “Does Tatsuha know? Ayaka said that Yuki didn't tell anyone but Touma. Is that true?”

 

“Yes, Tatsuha knows but only because I told him. And, yes, Touma was the only one that knew who Mister Eric Ullman really was, but he still sent me to pick him up. I hate that bastard. I hope he rots in hell,” Shuichi said with dry laugh.

 

“As do we all,” Hiro coughed and put a hand on Shuichi shoulder. “Can I see them, Shuichi?”

 

“If you really want to,” Shuichi said and held out his arms.

 

Hiro's reaction was better than Shuichi thought it would be, and the man actually didn't end up breaking down. He lightly ran gentle fingers over the wounds and gave Shuichi a quick hug before tossing him his hoodie.

 

“If he does anything else to hurt you, call me! You may think you're alone, but remember…me, Tatsuha, Ben, and Ryu will always be here for you when you need us. Never forget that.”

 

Shuichi nodded and pulled his hoodie over his head before following Hiro out of the bathroom.

 

“SHU-CHAN!” a voice down the hall yelled and before he could brace himself Shuichi was tackled to the ground by a mop of brunette hair and a pink bunny rabbit.

 

My God! Where in the hell does this man come from? He's like fuckin' little kid.

 

“Ryuichi, hey man. How've you been? I haven't seen or heard from you in forever,” Shuichi said with a fake smile.

 

“I went to America for a while to get away. I just got back today,” Ryuichi exclaimed and hugged Shuichi.

 

“America, huh? Did ya have fun?”

 

“Oh, yeah. Me and Kuma-chan wanna tell you all about it! We'll have to go out and catch up on old times sometime, na no da!”

 

“Yeah, I'll have to check with Tatsuha to see about plans, though.”

 

“How come you gotta check with Tat-chan? You're a big boy and can make your own choices! Let's go now!” Ryuichi pouted, tears forming in his big blue eyes.

 

“I have to talk to Tatsuha because we're dating now, Ryu, and I gotta make sure we're not doing anything. Hey, I know! Come celebrate with us tonight. The band and I just finished up our album and are gonna go out. You can join if you want,” Shuichi said and stood up, offering Ryuichi a hand to stand up.

 

“Oooo, did you hear that, Kuma-chan? Shu-chan's got a boyfriend!” Ryuichi giggled.

 

A pink rabbit's head poked from behind Ryuichi's shoulder. “Kuma-chan is happy for Shu-chan! Tatsuha won't hurt Shu-chan so Shu-chan can always be sparkly!”

 

Ryuichi nodded his head and Kumagorou disappeared, only to be replaced by a serious Ryuichi. “I'm really glad for you, Shuichi. Tatsuha's different and I hope that you'll always be happy. I hate seeing you sad,” he said and a shadow formed over his eyes as he remembered Shuichi three and a half years ago. “I never want to see you sad again.”

 

Shuichi jumped at Ryuichi's words and actually allowed himself to flash a small smile. He hated it but no matter how depressed he was, Ryuichi always managed to make him happy or at least smile. “Thank you, Ryu,” he said and was engulfed in another hug before Ryuichi ran off.

 

“I see you later, Shuichi,” he yelled and made it to the corner before Shuichi realized something.

 

“Hey, Ryu,” he yelled and Ryuichi stopped.

 

“Yeah?”

 

“You never gave me an answer. You comin' tonight or what?”

 

“Wouldn't miss it,” Ryuichi smiled and disappeared around the corner.

 

“What just happened here?” Hiro said, a dumbfounded look on his face.

 

“That was just Ryuichi at his best,” Shuichi said with another smile and lead Hiro back to the studio to meet the band.

 

-------------

 

A soft knocking on wood roused a brunette man from his sleep. He jumped as he looked at the clock and fell off the couch. It was two o'clock in the afternoon! He had crashed when he got home the night before and had slept for over eighteen hours. The knocking on the door persisted and the person didn't seem to want to back down.

 

“Hold on a minute!” he yelled and ran to the bathroom.

 

There he pulled on a pair of sweats and a tee-shirt and raked his fingers through his bed hair in an attempt to make himself presentable. The knocking on the door became louder and he could hear the door as it rattled slightly on its hinges.

 

“I'm coming, I'm coming,” he yelled and ran to open the door.

 

The sight that he was met with wasn't one that he expected to see so soon, he actually hoped to never see the person again. His younger brother was standing there, raven-hair dishelved and hanging in his eyes which were bloodshot from constant crying or lack of sleep or God knows what. How Tatsuha had found out that he was back in Japan and where he was living, he didn't know, but he didn't have time to ask questions either. He got one glance at the wreck of a man and was pushed into his apartment and slammed against the wall. Tatsuha kicked the door closed behind him and punched his brother in the face.

 

“Hello to you too, Tatsuha,” Yuki growled and pushed his brother away from him.

 

“Don't be smart with me, Eiri. How in the hell could you do that to him? He never did a thing to deserve anything that you did to him!” Tatsuha yelled and hit his brother again.

 

Yuki grabbed his brother by the arm and swung him around, slamming him into the wall and putting an arm over his throat. “I don't know what the hell you're talking about, Tatsuha, so you better start explaining something before you get hurt.”

 

“What'll you do? Kill me? I don't think Touma'll know to come to your rescue and bail you out this time, so I hope you have an empty closet to hide me in.”

 

Yuki growled and shoved himself away from the younger man. Tatsuha's harsh words stung, but he wouldn't let himself show it. Showing emotion was a sign of weakness, always had been and always would be.

 

“At least explain yourself and stop being a smart ass,” Yuki said and walked to the coffee table to grab a cigarette.

 

“I'm talking about what you did to Shuichi, Eiri, and your drinking. No wonder he's so messed up.”

 

Yuki froze at his brother's accusation. Shuichi didn't possibly tell him about that, did he?

 

“I don't know what you're talking, Tatsuha.”

 

“Bullshit! You know exactly what I'm talking about. How could you do that to someone as innocent and beautiful as he was and still is?”

 

“Yeah, let me tell you. He's so beautiful, like a piece of fine art,” Yuki said with sarcasm. “What'd you care if I did do something to him? It was just the same shit on a different day.”

 

“I care because he's now with me,” Tatsuha whispered, smirking slightly at the look on his brother's face.

 

“You're what?” Yuki gaped, pretending to be surprised. “Since when?”

 

“As of three months ago,” Tatsuha said smugly, “and there's no sign that it's gonna end any time soon. Is that a good excuse?”

 

“I don't care who he's with, it's not like he's the reason I came back here,” Yuki said and plopped down onto the couch.

 

“Oh, no? What about that kiss?” Tatsuha said and smirked again.

 

Gods damn you, Shuichi Shindou! Why did you have to tell him of all people?

 

“I haven't done anything to him but argue about his stereo being too loud whenever I'm trying to sleep,” Yuki said and looked away from his brother to stare out the window. “That's it.”

 

Tatsuha shook his head and followed his brother's gaze. “Then what's so important outside the window that makes it so you can't look me in the eye when you say that?”

 

“So what if I did? He's yours and it was before I knew that. Gomen, but all of my old emotions and feelings toward him are gone.”

 

Tatsuha chuckled and shook his head again. No matter how much his brother lied to him about it he knew that they were going to end up having to battle each other in a long and hard war. Tatsuha knew that somewhere inside, Shuichi still had his feelings for his older brother, but he wasn't going to lose him. Especially to someone who had hurt him so badly in the past.

 

“You should have seen him after you left, Bro. He was fucking suicidal and would have killed himself if I hadn't of stopped him. He literally still carries the scars from that battle, and he's started again. His arms are covered and even though he knows that I know he won't stop. My razor disappeared last night and I found it broken open this morning in one of the drawers next to our bed along with a knife, shards of glass, Band-aids, and antiseptic. If he kills himself because of you, I won't let you forget it.”

 

“If you're trying to make me feel bad, you've failed miserably, Tatsuha. Look at him, cutting's in his nature. All the idiots like him do it. And, judging from yesterday's anthem, I'm guessing that he even writes songs about it.”

 

“You're such a biased bastard, Eiri. Always have been, always will be. I just wish you would get over it and starting seeing people for who they really are, and not just judge them on how they dress or act because without realizing it you've become a victim of your own accusations.”

 

“What in hell are you talking about, Tatsuha?”

 

“Just look at you! It's disgusting! You're always hiding behind your little love novelist façade. None of your lovely lady fans could possibly know that you're the cold, heartless bastard that you really are because your whole life has been a lie!” Tatsuha bellowed and found himself pinned to the wall with his brother's hand over his throat. “Whaddya know! Looks like I struck a nerve. Did I piss little Eiri off?”

 

“Shut the fuck up, Tatsuha!” Yuki snarled and squeezed his brother's throat harder. “You don't know the half of it!”

 

Not able to talk because of the pressure on his throat, Tatsuha spit in his brother's face and got punched in the stomach. Yuki made the wrong move, however, by letting go of the younger Uesugi's throat because Tatsuha launched himself at his brother and tackled him to the floor. Tatsuha pummeled Yuki with punches and was quickly pushed away and punched once across the face. Tatsuha felt blood ooze from a cut inside his mouth and threw a disgusted look at his brother to see that he had a black eye that was already beginning to swell and his lip was split.

 

The two men stood and stared at each other in silence for a few minutes, neither of them really knowing what to say. Tatsuha was the one to break the silence, and what he had to say really didn't help to increase Yuki's mood any.

 

“I'm not sorry for this, Bro, and if you really do believe that Shuichi will come crawling back to you, it isn't over. I may have been one of the few people who was for your all's relationship in the past, but now I'm not going to hand him over to you without a fight,” he said and wiped the blood from the corner of his mouth.

 

“Get the fuck out of my house,” Yuki said, his voice quavering slightly with every word.

 

Tatsuha turned and walked toward the door, pausing to turn back and look at his brother one more time before leaving.

 

“I won't hold back,” he mumbled and left the apartment and brother alone and confused.

 

TBC…

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A/N: Yay, that was fun! I wanna make Yuki and Tatsuha fight again! There was so much more that I wanted to add onto this chapter but I'll just save it all for the next one. Plus, this chapter would have ended up being about twenty pages long if I would have said all that I wanted to say. This is a good thing, though, because I know what I wanna do which means NO WRITER'S BLOCK! Yay!

 

Sorry again that this took so long and for the cheesy Geico joke in the beginning author's note. It wasn't as funny as I thought it was going to be, but I just left it in there so you all will know how much of a dork I am. ^-^

 

Please R&R this chapter and tell me what you think about happened in this chapter and what you want to happen in chapters to come. ASK ME SOME QUESTIONS! Onegai? I want to know that you're actually enjoying my stuff and not just giving me good reviews to make me happy like my friends do. **sob** Even if you're not confused, just ask to make me feel special and important! Onegai?! I like feeling important and thinking that people really care!! O.o