Gundam Wing Fan Fiction ❯ Angel ❯ Part 4 ( Chapter 4 )

Angel Part 4

glitterynile

"Let me have a look inside these eyes
while I'm learning.
Please don't hide them
just because of tears.
Let me send you off to sleep
with a "There, there, now stop your turning and tossing."
Let me know where the hurt is and how to heal."

excerpt from Trouble Me

Trowa pov:

Trowa stared at the screen in front of him, checking over his shoulder he saw quatres still form asleep resting on their bed. Sighing he returned to the task before him. He began to read the text:

"If you know someone who self injures, the first thing you need to do is be aware of self injury and what it actually is. Many people find the idea of self injury incredulous, and many people tend to back away from self injurers out of fear. This fear often stems from a limited knowledge of self injury as a whole."

Trowa shook his head, he was more opened minded than that. He was able to pick up the signs and subtle hints from quatre. But what still bothered him was one, how long had quatre been doing this and two, could he stop if he really wanted too. He scrolled down the page and continued to digest the information.

"... you must realize that on the whole, people do not injure themselves in order to get attention."

Nodding his head in agreement trowa mused over the fact, quatre was doing this because of something but what?

"However, self injury can be a cry for help due to intense and unbearable emotions. If someone confesses their self injury to you or you found out visa yourself, horror is the last thing you need to express. Realize that this can be difficult, as shock is bound to be an element of your natural reaction. Most self injurers are incredibly clever at concealing their actions from people, and so a confession of this sort can be a very big surprise."

Trowa thanked his stars that he reacted calmly to the situation. His initial reaction was to shout and shack quatre, yell and plead why he would do something like that. But hateful remarks would only cause quatre to lose trust in him. Trowa clicked around the site and landed on a page containing others peoples reactions- some were not so lucky as quatre had been.

"My friend told me that she wouldn't talk to me again unless I stopped it. She did that because she cared, but it made everything a lot worse for me"

"'When I told my closest friend about the cutting she cried. That upset me in a way but it shocked me because it showed that she really did care. She was very supportive and told me that she would help me in any way that she could. That was everything that I could have wished for. I am very grateful to her and I owe her a lot."

"'My father seemed only to care about the fact the scars were there for life."

`'All I wanted was a shoulder to cry on and someone to tell me they would help me. What I got was panic about my health. Everyone seemed to take it that the cutting itself was the issue, and what it was doing to my health... the scars would always be there. No one asked me why, or what I was feeling. No one seemed to care. After that the cutting got worse. All I wanted was someone to listen to me and tell me that they understood, instead of telling me that they were worried about what I was doing to myself. No one understood..."

Trowa gave off a choking sound at the last entry, he became determined to never let quatre feel that way. He wanted to understand….he needed to understand.

Clicking once more Trowa looked into "Myths"

/ myths? /

"Self Injury is NOT a series of failed suicide attempts - those who self injure do so more to 'cope' than as a way out - a way of dying. In that way this myth is the worst as it is give totally the opposite meaning. It is true that many self injurers contemplate suicide as an extreme option. Many do suffer with the same kinds of illnesses that those who commit suicide do. However self injury is not done with the intention to kill oneself. "

That silence Trowa worst fear, the though of quatre wanting to die was to much for him. The harm quatre inflicted upon himself was a coping measure.

"Self Injury is NOT pure attention seeking - while it may be right that those who do self injure may *need* attention, self injury must not be interpreted as a means of calling attention to oneself. Those who do self injure often do so in such secretive ways that those very close to them have no idea of their problem. Interpreting self injury as attention seeking can only make things worse for the self injurer."

Trowa nodded and looked over his shoulder again. Quatre laid curled and fast asleep. A pale angel in the rooms soft glow, Trowa was beginning to understand.

"Some Self Injury is minor - this does NOT mean that it is not serious - the severity of the person's feelings and reasons behind SI cannot be determined by the severity of a cut/burn etc..."

As far as Trowa knew quatre was using razor blades to hurt himself. After he put quatre down for a nap Trowa had searched out the bathroom for anything quatre could hurt himself with. He found blades hidden though out the bathroom and made it his task to remove them all. Looking over the site one last time Trowa closed out the window and shut down the computer.

Checking his watch he found it to be only 11:23 am.

/ still have the whole day ahead of us and were already exhausted /

Making his way to the bed in ducked under the covers and cuddled quatre. Trowa had made plans to take his blonde lover to the near by clinic later to get more information and look into therapy options. Knots settled in his stomach as trowa though about the last bit of information he gathered from the site. Cutting was not only one way for quatre to harm himself, he would know need to make sure quatre didn't resort to other options such as burning, head banging, hitting and pulling hair.

Trowa sighed and tried to relax, this was going to take time, and trowa was willing to give his little one as much as he needed.

End part 4

tbc

I hope you all are enjoying the fic - reviews welcome!

all information was collected from

http://www.healthyplace.com/Communities/Self_Injury/healingtouch /